Are Paternity Tests Insulting?

[Stockalone]

And I guess thats where things are unfare, because other then a hospital screw up the mother gets to KNOW she is the mother. And seriously if I thought my wife was cheating on me it wouldn't prove she wasn't just because the baby was from me. Why do women get so insulted that there is such a simple test... I understand it and I don't.

 

I am not surprised that women would feel insulted by it. It's actually understandable. And I agree with TBF and Carhill that talking about this before there actually is a child on it's way is the right thing to do.

 

Your concern isn't cheating, it's about wanting to know that the child is yours. There is a difference IMO, even though they are certainly intertwined. Which is why some of the women are insulted by a man asking for a paternity test.

 

Some guys don't need or want that test, but I can certainly relate. It's such an important thing, why not make absolutely sure the kid is yours? The problem is, you aren't the only one being affected by this.

 

That is why I think that Jersey has a point here. A yearly STD test wouldn't bother me at all. Actually, it would bother me a lot because I hate needles and don't like doctors, but the reason why I would be getting tested wouldn't bother me.

 

Granted, I wouldn't be happy about a gf wanting access to my computer, or about other things that "invade" my privacy. But I also have to say that I am not against snooping, but people need to own it. So in some cases, if being an open book is what it takes to create or rebuild trust, I am okay with giving a woman access to the things she wants to know, even if I don't always understand it.

 

Personally, I think it is a terrible idea to do the test behind the woman's back and keeping it a secret. It's one thing to argue about this openly, whether you as a couple are okay with a paternity test. But to disregard the woman's feelings on this is dangerous. That sort of justification can be used to cover all manner of sins.

[nowomanocry]

Nowomannocry,

 

im not arguing that there is never a time and a place for a paternity test. it depends on the situation of course.

 

but if you are in a long standing committed relationship and have been exclusive for an amount of time where it is impossible for it to be someone else unless you CHEATED, then it is trust issue.

 

if its like that case you described, its different because of the time frame that she dumped her ex and got pregnant.

 

I never said I supported the idea of paternity test - I clearly stated that I was giving a real life example in which case paternity test helped a child find his own dad! In addition, it was not a reply to your post either ???

 

Never happened to me but I feel that some women being so much against the maternity test also creates question marks in most men's minds... I can't help thinking they might have a reason...So why worry if the child is really from your partner / husband?

 

If you have a good relationship, you indeed have to trust your partner / wife. There is no question about that...

 

But on the other hand, generally speaking, I feel that some nasty women are using this as a threat to the other party in order to cover their one-night stands eh? If you are so sure of yourself why running away from the paternity test and threatening bf/hubby with ending the relationship?

[Green]

I can understand a man wanting a paternity test, but don't claim it isn't an issue of your gf/wife cheating.

 

Scenario 1

Lets say a husband, a wife, and a FREE paternity lab exist on a deserted island. The paternity lab is operated by sophisticated robots. There are no animals or other humans on the island. The woman becomes pregnant. Will the man want to get a paternity test at the FREE lab? No, because he knows he is the only possible father.

 

Scenario 2

Two years pass, everything is the same EXCEPT a few weeks ago a heterosexual man washed up on the shore. The woman becomes pregnant. Will the husband want to get a paternity test at the FREE lab?

 

Just don't claim it isn't about the woman cheating.

 

Don't expect the gf/wife to not be forever wounded by such a request.

 

Your scenarios sound like something out of the twilight zone. You really are creative.

 

I am not surprised that women would feel insulted by it. It's actually understandable. And I agree with TBF and Carhill that talking about this before there actually is a child on it's way is the right thing to do.

 

Your concern isn't cheating, it's about wanting to know that the child is yours. There is a difference IMO, even though they are certainly intertwined. Which is why some of the women are insulted by a man asking for a paternity test.

 

Some guys don't need or want that test, but I can certainly relate. It's such an important thing, why not make absolutely sure the kid is yours? The problem is, you aren't the only one being affected by this.

 

That is why I think that Jersey has a point here. A yearly STD test wouldn't bother me at all. Actually, it would bother me a lot because I hate needles and don't like doctors, but the reason why I would be getting tested wouldn't bother me.

 

Granted, I wouldn't be happy about a gf wanting access to my computer, or about other things that "invade" my privacy. But I also have to say that I am not against snooping, but people need to own it. So in some cases, if being an open book is what it takes to create or rebuild trust, I am okay with giving a woman access to the things she wants to know, even if I don't always understand it.

 

Personally, I think it is a terrible idea to do the test behind the woman's back and keeping it a secret. It's one thing to argue about this openly, whether you as a couple are okay with a paternity test. But to disregard the woman's feelings on this is dangerous. That sort of justification can be used to cover all manner of sins.

 

I argued about this openly yesterday, seriously its a messed up arguement to have. I just told my gf we shouldn't talk about it any more. She was "what if we have a baby" and I was like "we just shouldn't talk about it anymore." Neither of us want to break up with eachother over silly **** like this. So if we don't talk about it and we do end up having a kid... and I do feel the need. It doesn't even involve her. I looked it up on the net it seems easy enough to do all this privately with no one finding out. That way she doesn't have to go through the imagined blow to her ego. Seriously she should leave me now if she feels so strongly about it, because I never backed down from my position. If I thought she was cheating on me I would leave her, I don't think she is or would ever cheat on me. With that said people who get cheated on don't normaly think they will be cheated on if it was the first time it happened.

[Green]

I never said I supported the idea of paternity test - I clearly stated that I was giving a real life example in which case paternity test helped a child find his own dad! In addition, it was not a reply to your post either ???

 

Never happened to me but I feel that some women being so much against the maternity test also creates question marks in most men's minds... I can't help thinking they might have a reason...So why worry if the child is really from your partner / husband?

 

If you have a good relationship, you indeed have to trust your partner / wife. There is no question about that...

 

But on the other hand, generally speaking, I feel that some nasty women are using this as a threat to the other party in order to cover their one-night stands eh? If you are so sure of yourself why running away from the paternity test and threatening bf/hubby with ending the relationship?

 

Seriously who knows why women are so threatned by this test. It baffles me. Do any of these women argue that people don't cheat... nooo all they argue is that if you don't suspect cheating why check... silly.

[donnamaybe]

No, I'm saying I want the test just as policy. I wouldn't say "I think you cheated" or anything else.

 

 

By demanding the test, you would be saying just that.

 

Had to bump this, because this is the main problem, and you seem to have missed it. You would be telling your woman you think she's f'ing other men.

[txsilkysmoothe]

Your concern isn't cheating, it's about wanting to know that the child is yours. There is a difference IMO, even though they are certainly intertwined.

 

OP can't question the latter without assuming the former.

 

It's almost like cheating (as long as there isn't a pregnancy) is acceptable.

[donnamaybe]

OP, if you are so hell bent on sabotaging any future relationship you may enter, go for it. We'll all be here on LS waiting for the threads about how your woman left you.

[nowomanocry]

OP, if you are so hell bent on sabotaging any future relationship you may enter, go for it. We'll all be here on LS waiting for the threads about how your woman left you.

 

Better than paying for someone else's kid's nappies lol

[donnamaybe]

Better than paying for someone else's kid's nappies lol

 

Then he might as well never have a child, because if he is insistent on a paternity test, he'll wind up paying support and seeing his child every other weekend, alternating holidays, and part of summer vacation.

[carhill]

Seriously who knows why women are so threatned by this test. It baffles me. Do any of these women argue that people don't cheat... nooo all they argue is that if you don't suspect cheating why check... silly.

OP, you can expect anything which intrudes upon or impacts a woman's reproductive autonomy to be met with perceived insult. Accept it. It is their one true power on earth, immutable by no one. That said, can you de-escalate this and find a compromise that is healthy for both of you? Unknown. Hope the discussion helped

[single-n-lonely]

"But on the other hand, generally speaking, I feel that some nasty women are using this as a threat to the other party in order to cover their one-night stands eh?"

 

Yes, some nasty women are. And that's terrible and if you have reason to suspect your woman is that type, then a test should be demanded. but dont generalize and punish honest women because of what nasty women do. Like I said, i have been cheated on many times, but i wont assume my future boyfriend is a cheater just because of that.

 

"If you are so sure of yourself why running away from the paternity test and threatening bf/hubby with ending the relationship?"

 

so we are all guilty until proven innocent?

 

I think you men (not ALL men, just the posters defending this) have trust issues. maybe its because youve been cheated on before. if you met a woman you really genuinely trusted with no doubt in your mind, this would not be an issue for you.

[donnamaybe]

OP, you can expect anything which intrudes upon or impacts a woman's reproductive autonomy to be met with perceived insult.

 

If THAT isn't the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen you say on here!

 

It's not about "reproductive autonomy." It's about someone abusing the love his woman has given him.

[donnamaybe]

But on the other hand, generally speaking, I feel that some nasty women are using this as a threat to the other party in order to cover their one-night stands eh? If you are so sure of yourself why running away from the paternity test and threatening bf/hubby with ending the relationship?

 

By the way, I would TAKE the paternity test, get the result proving my faithfulness and shove it up his arse, and THEN kick him in it on his way out the door!

[nowomanocry]

Then he might as well never have a child, because if he is insistent on a paternity test, he'll wind up paying support and seeing his child every other weekend, alternating holidays, and part of summer vacation.

 

I might as well agree on this one lol

[nowomanocry]

By the way, I would TAKE the paternity test, get the result proving my faithfulness and shove it up his arse, and THEN kick him in it on his way out the door!

 

Donna, does he also get his hair pulled, bitten, spanked and whipped as well lol

[donnamaybe]

Donna, does he also get his hair pulled, bitten, spanked and whipped as well lol

 

Yes - UNTIL he asked for the paternity test.

[Johnny M]

By the way, I would TAKE the paternity test, get the result proving my faithfulness and shove it up his arse, and THEN kick him in it on his way out the door!

Wow, so much pent up anger And all because some guy wouldn't take her word for it.

 

By the way, the guy doesn't need your permission to do a paternity test, and it can be done without you ever knowing about it. So if you have any kids, there's a chance that they were "paternity tested"

[Green]

OP, you can expect anything which intrudes upon or impacts a woman's reproductive autonomy to be met with perceived insult. Accept it. It is their one true power on earth, immutable by no one. That said, can you de-escalate this and find a compromise that is healthy for both of you? Unknown. Hope the discussion helped

 

The compromise is we both still want to be togahter even though we argued about this. I said we don't have to talk about it. I'm not going to lie to her and say I changed the way I feel, but I'm not going to bring it up either. If we do one day have a baby I will just do what I want with out ever letting her find out.

 

If she feels the need to bring it up again I will just stick to the way I feel about it.

 

By the way, I would TAKE the paternity test, get the result proving my faithfulness and shove it up his arse, and THEN kick him in it on his way out the door!

 

You don't take the paternity test... the man and his kid do

[Green]

Wow, so much pent up anger And all because some guy wouldn't take her word for it.

 

By the way, the guy doesn't need your permission to do a paternity test, and it can be done without you ever knowing about it. So if you have any kids, there's a chance that they were "paternity tested"

 

maybe her father did a paternity test on her

[Johnny M]

You don't take the paternity test... the man and his kid do

LMAO Perhaps donnamaybe doesn't even understand what this thread is about?

[phineas]

If you don't think she's cheating, then why would you have the test done?

 

it's like a virgin who hasn't even kissed someone getting tested for STD's when their not even showing symptoms.

 

It makes no sense.

[donnamaybe]

Wow, so much pent up anger And all because some guy wouldn't take her word for it.

 

Pent up? Can't you tell I let it out?!

 

And I would find out about anything like a paternity test. I'm THAT good.

[Green]

LMAO Perhaps donnamaybe doesn't even understand what this thread is about?

 

Basicaly this thread boils down to women being unhappy with anything other the blind faith. They treat having a baby like a religion and if I dare get a paternity test I'm going to hell.

[donnamaybe]

If you don't think she's cheating, then why would you have the test done?

 

it's like a virgin who hasn't even kissed someone getting tested for STD's when their not even showing symptoms.

 

It makes no sense.

 

Face it Phineas. Guys who feel they may be lacking something need verification of their woman's faithfulness. They can't IMAGINE a woman actually being true to them. There may be something missing inside.

[phineas]

The compromise is we both still want to be togahter even though we argued about this. I said we don't have to talk about it. I'm not going to lie to her and say I changed the way I feel, but I'm not going to bring it up either. If we do one day have a baby I will just do what I want with out ever letting her find out.

 

If she feels the need to bring it up again I will just stick to the way I feel about it.

 

 

 

You don't take the paternity test... the man and his kid do

 

I think, all the paternity test requires is DNA from both parents & child.

The mother's toothbrush is probably all it takes.

It can be done without her even knowing it.