Are Paternity Tests Insulting?

[donnamaybe]

So much emotion I love this board!

 

So much inanity. I love this board!

[nowomanocry]

1st future row, does that mean baby?

 

Seriously, It was a stupid argument. She knows the truth now, and she has more reason to leave me if she feels so strongly about it. If we break up I don't think it will be over this. If I ever get a paternity test, I will just do it and not bring it up... no point it only seems to insult women.

 

 

 

I have told her my plans. I also told her I don't plan on talking about it anymore.

 

 

 

I'm glad you showed up to this thread. Her argument doesn't make any sense considering the mother doesn't even have to be involved in the paternity test. The best was when another poster compared a paternity test to searching for weapons of mass destruction.

 

1st fight....

[donnamaybe]

1st fight....

 

Funny how you had to explain that.

 

Puts things RIGHT into perspective.

[JustJoe]

Johnny, asking for a Paternity test is IMPLYING that you have doubts about the child being yours, which is IMPLYING that your SO has cheated. I can see no other explanation for it.

[nowomanocry]

Ahhh, I'm sorry man.

 

Don't stop letting love find you though, okay?

 

Love is dead loving angels instead lol

 

but thanks anyways ;)

[donnamaybe]

Johnny, asking for a Paternity test is IMPLYING that you have doubts about the child being yours, which is IMPLYING that your SO has cheated. I can see no other explanation for it.

 

He won't engage you, Joe, because you're a man. He feels on too equal a footing with you. He likes to pick on women because he mistakenly feels he is somehow above us.

[txsilkysmoothe]

Seriously who knows why women are so threatned by this test. It baffles me. Do any of these women argue that people don't cheat... nooo all they argue is that if you don't suspect cheating why check... silly.

 

No one in their right mind would argue that people (women) don't cheat, but that is not the subject of your original post. Had it been, I can't imagine a single woman here advising you to NOT get a paternity test. I think all women would also encourage paternity testing where the situation was an FWB, ONS, or you're with a woman who has a very recent ex-lover. But again, this was not the subject of your original post.

 

Your original post advocated using paternity testing as a matter of policy. I now see from subsequent posts that you tried this argument with your gf and she was offended. You are seeking supporters for your "matter of policy" stance. You simply will not find that among women given the parameters of your original post.

 

You're entitled to a paternity test.

 

The woman you request it of is entitled to believe-

 

1. you doubt you are the father, which can only mean

2. you suspect that another man is the father, which can only mean

3. you suspect she had sex with another man, which can only mean

4. you think she is the kind of woman who would cheat on you, not confess the cheating, allow you to anticipate the birth of a child that is not yours, allow you to love a child that is not yours, deceive you into supporting a child that is not yours;

 

How can a woman accept that the man she loves thinks she is capable of the above behaviors? It would be one of those eye-opening moments in a relationship - "He doesn't know me at all and I don't know him."

[Green]

Johnny, asking for a Paternity test is IMPLYING that you have doubts about the child being yours, which is IMPLYING that your SO has cheated. I can see no other explanation for it.

 

here is another explenation for it. I am not all knowing and I accept the posibility that even if I didn't think a woman had cheated on me... it is posible. So, instead of looking at it as "you cheated on me, and now I'll prove it" look at it as "I have no reason to think you cheated on me, but I'm having the test anyways because the test exists and why do you even care it doesn't involve you... unless of course you did cheat on me"

[donnamaybe]

Love is dead loving angels instead lol

 

but thanks anyways ;)

 

The promise of love never dies. It may leave for awhile, but it always returns.

[JustJoe]

Donna, that's just plain ridiculous. I serve with women soldiers all of the time, and would never demean them in thought or deed.

[donnamaybe]

You're entitled to a paternity test.

 

The woman you request it of is entitled to believe-

 

1. you doubt you are the father, which can only mean

2. you suspect that another man is the father, which can only mean

3. you suspect she had sex with another man, which can only mean

4. you think she is the kind of woman who would cheat on you, not confess the cheating, allow you to anticipate the birth of a child that is not yours, allow you to love a child that is not yours, deceive you into supporting a child that is not yours;

 

How can a woman accept that the man she loves thinks she is capable of the above behaviors? It would be one of those eye-opening moments in a relationship - "He doesn't know me at all and I don't know him."

 

She'll never know because he plans to do it behind her back. Wouldn't that kind of love and trust just warm your heart?

[donnamaybe]

Donna, that's just plain ridiculous. I serve with women soldiers all of the time, and would never demean them in thought or deed.

 

Of course it's ridiculous. But you note that JohnnyM hasn't said a single word to you on the subject.

 

I was in the Army myself years ago.

[Jersey Shortie]

Green:

Basicaly this thread boils down to women being unhappy with anything other the blind faith. They treat having a baby like a religion and if I dare get a paternity test I'm going to hell

 

This whole paragraphy is a bit derogatory Green. Some of us are unhappy with the discussion. Why shouldn't we be? It's not very flattering. Do you have any percentages of men that get strapped with raisinga child that really isn't theres?

 

This also has nothign to do with "blind faith". Blind faith would be meeting a stranger on the street and telling him you were going to have his baby and he better believe you. When you are in a relationship you build a level of intimacy, and hopefully trust. If I was having a bf/husband's baby and he asked to get a paturnity test I would think that he must have a real low opinion of me and all that intimacy and trust goes out the window. He must thing I am a bottomfeeder and all those times we spent getting to know each other and build a relationship become vapors.

 

And no one said anything close to a man going to hell for asking for a paturnity test. It actually seems like all us women should be the ones deserving of going to hell yes?

 

What happens when you get your test, and it comes back and the baby is yours. Do you expect to just go back to business as usual? Until when? The next time she has a baby and she is back on your chopping block?

[JustJoe]

No one in their right mind would argue that people (women) don't cheat, but that is not the subject of your original post. Had it been, I can't imagine a single woman here advising you to NOT get a paternity test. I think all women would also encourage paternity testing where the situation was an FWB, ONS, or you're with a woman who has a very recent ex-lover. But again, this was not the subject of your original post.

 

Your original post advocated using paternity testing as a matter of policy. I now see from subsequent posts that you tried this argument with your gf and she was offended. You are seeking supporters for your "matter of policy" stance. You simply will not find that among women given the parameters of your original post.

 

You're entitled to a paternity test.

 

The woman you request it of is entitled to believe-

 

1. you doubt you are the father, which can only mean

2. you suspect that another man is the father, which can only mean

3. you suspect she had sex with another man, which can only mean

4. you think she is the kind of woman who would cheat on you, not confess the cheating, allow you to anticipate the birth of a child that is not yours, allow you to love a child that is not yours, deceive you into supporting a child that is not yours;

 

How can a woman accept that the man she loves thinks she is capable of the above behaviors? It would be one of those eye-opening moments in a relationship - "He doesn't know me at all and I don't know him."

Jeez, there are some really smart people here on LS. This is right on the money. In my case, the husband of my MW is going to have a paternity test done to find out if her baby is his or mine, to determine if he will give her another chance, or not. God, I hope it's his!!!

[Johnny M]

Johnny, asking for a Paternity test is IMPLYING that you have doubts about the child being yours, which is IMPLYING that your SO has cheated. I can see no other explanation for it.

No, it's not. It's just wanting to be 100% sure that the child you are going to spend the rest of your life raising, caring about and loving is actually your child. I don't see why it's such a hard concept to grasp. Even if you have no reason to doubt that your wife was faithful to you, what's wrong with wanting to have a piece of mind that comes from absolute certainty? Moreover, what if there was a mix-up at the hospital and the kids were switched accidentally (and these things actually do happen)? A paternity test is one way of catching such a mistake.

 

Think of paternity testing as an insurance policy. People insure against all sorts of events that have a low probability of occurring but carry hugely devastating consequences in case they actually do occur. When you get travel insurance, do you do it with the expectation that something bad will happen to you during the trip? Of course not. You probably wouldn't even go on that trip if you thought it was dangerous. Yet, it's better to be safe than sorry. And that's what it ultimately boils down to.

[donnamaybe]

Jeez, there are some really smart people here on LS. This is right on the money. In my case, the husband of my MW is going to have a paternity test done to find out if her baby is his or mine, to determine if he will give her another chance, or not. God, I hope it's his!!!

 

And if this is true, she HAS given him reason to doubt her. Therefore, I can understand THIS MAN wanting a paternity test.

[Green]

She'll never know because he plans to do it behind her back. Wouldn't that kind of love and trust just warm your heart?

 

No I said I plan not to bring it up again. I've clearly told her exactly what I plan on doing if I feel like it. I never waivered... its no secret to her.

 

Do you realize that women get pregnant all the time with out even telling the guy who got them pregnant... then get an abortion or give it up for adoption. Yeah stuff happens sorry to ruin your perfect world every one should just trust attitude.

 

The fact is I still have my GF.... I was openly honest with her. I trust her. And oh yes she trusts me. My gf is not pregnant or financialy dependent on me or anything... if she wanted to break up it would be very easy for her.

 

This whole paragraphy is a bit derogatory Green. Some of us are unhappy with the discussion. Why shouldn't we be? It's not very flattering. Do you have any percentages of men that get strapped with raisinga child that really isn't theres?

 

This also has nothign to do with "blind faith". Blind faith would be meeting a stranger on the street and telling him you were going to have his baby and he better believe you. When you are in a relationship you build a level of intimacy, and hopefully trust. If I was having a bf/husband's baby and he asked to get a paturnity test I would think that he must have a real low opinion of me and all that intimacy and trust goes out the window. He must thing I am a bottomfeeder and all those times we spent getting to know each other and build a relationship become vapors.

 

And no one said anything close to a man going to hell for asking for a paturnity test. It actually seems like all us women should be the ones deserving of going to hell yes?

 

What happens when you get your test, and it comes back and the baby is yours. Do you expect to just go back to business as usual? Until when? The next time she has a baby and she is back on your chopping block?

 

Look you make valid points. I still feel the way I do. I've told my gf who is not currently pregnant of these views. We are still togather. At this point if it never gets brought up again so be it. If she brings it up I'll say exactly what I said before I plan on getting one. I'm not saying it to humiliate or put her down. I said this is completly for me.

[donnamaybe]

No I said I plan not to bring it up again. I've clearly told her exactly what I plan on doing if I feel like it. I never waivered... its no secret to her.

 

Look you make valid points. I still feel the way I do. I've told my gf who is not currently pregnant of these views. We are still togather. At this point if it never gets brought up again so be it. If she brings it up I'll say exactly what I said before I plan on getting one. I'm not saying it to humiliate or put her down. I said this is completly for me.

 

Then if this is true, and I have no reason not to believe you, then you've stated your feelings. She either lives with them or not. Her choice. You're not deceiving her, and I'm sorry I said you would. My mistake.

[JustJoe]

Sorry, Johnny but that doesn't wash. The hospital mix-up thing happens Oh, say once in a million births? The odds must be staggering! You're probably more likely to win the lottery. The insurance idea also doesn't fly, either. How do you "insure", against infidelity? I'll tell you how. By being the kind of honorable man who treats his SO as an honorable woman, and not as a potential cheater.

[Green]

No, it's not. It's just wanting to be 100% sure that the child you are going to spend the rest of your life raising, caring about and loving is actually your child. I don't see why it's such a hard concept to grasp. Even if you have no reason to doubt that your wife was faithful to you, what's wrong with wanting to have a piece of mind that comes from absolute certainty? Moreover, what if there was a mix-up at the hospital and the kids were switched accidentally (and these things actually do happen)? A paternity test is one way of catching such a mistake.

 

Think of paternity testing as an insurance policy. People insure against all sorts of events that have a low probability of occurring but carry hugely devastating consequences in case they actually do occur. When you get travel insurance, do you do it with the expectation that something bad will happen to you during the trip? Of course not. You probably wouldn't even go on that trip if you thought it was dangerous. Yet, it's better to be safe than sorry. And that's what it ultimately boils down to.

 

This man seems to be having an affair with a married woman so that might explain his reluctancy to grasp it. You'd think since he is part of the problem he would understand.

 

Then if this is true, and I have no reason not to believe you, then you've stated your feelings. She either lives with them or not. Her choice. You're not deceiving her, and I'm sorry I said you would. My mistake.

 

Of course its true. If it's not true, then why stop there. Why not assume I'm a 50 year old guru in india with no gf or what ever.

 

Seriously I just thought it was interesting how upset she got at me. In the end she didn't find it so insulting that she wanted to end things. If she later comes back and wants to end it because of this I will be very suprised

 

my gf isn't some pssy either, she is alot tougher then any one I've encountered in this thread thus far

 

Sorry, Johnny but that doesn't wash. The hospital mix-up thing happens Oh, say once in a million births? The odds must be staggering! You're probably more likely to win the lottery. The insurance idea also doesn't fly, either. How do you "insure", against infidelity? I'll tell you how. By being the kind of honorable man who treats his SO as an honorable woman, and not as a potential cheater.

 

You realize this thread is kinda about you since you are involved in a paternity test... although obviously the Husband in this situation has reasons to suspect the kid might be yours instead of his. Seriously she could pick and choose in this situation who she wants to pay for the child because even with the paternity test the child is presumed the husbands.

[TouchedByViolet]

No, it's not. It's just wanting to be 100% sure that the child you are going to spend the rest of your life raising, caring about and loving is actually your child. I don't see why it's such a hard concept to grasp. Even if you have no reason to doubt that your wife was faithful to you, what's wrong with wanting to have a piece of mind that comes from absolute certainty? Moreover, what if there was a mix-up at the hospital and the kids were switched accidentally (and these things actually do happen)? A paternity test is one way of catching such a mistake.

 

Think of paternity testing as an insurance policy. People insure against all sorts of events that have a low probability of occurring but carry hugely devastating consequences in case they actually do occur. When you get travel insurance, do you do it with the expectation that something bad will happen to you during the trip? Of course not. You probably wouldn't even go on that trip if you thought it was dangerous. Yet, it's better to be safe than sorry. And that's what it ultimately boils down to.

 

If you are so worried about a switch up at birth, watch the doctor place a braclet on your child as soon as he/she is born that has the mothers name and SSN number on it. So the 1 in a million switchup doesn't happen. A paternity test op prevent mix ups... what a lame excuse.

 

First let me say I am amazed this topic is still in such an intense debate... it seems very clean cut to me. The ONLY reason a paternity test should be done is if you suspect the child might not be yours. If you are going to be a father and you trust your SO you should be more concerned about being the best father you can be. The rest is BS.

[phineas]

No, it's not. It's just wanting to be 100% sure that the child you are going to spend the rest of your life raising, caring about and loving is actually your child. I don't see why it's such a hard concept to grasp. Even if you have no reason to doubt that your wife was faithful to you, what's wrong with wanting to have a piece of mind that comes from absolute certainty? Moreover, what if there was a mix-up at the hospital and the kids were switched accidentally (and these things actually do happen)? A paternity test is one way of catching such a mistake.

 

Think of paternity testing as an insurance policy. People insure against all sorts of events that have a low probability of occurring but carry hugely devastating consequences in case they actually do occur. When you get travel insurance, do you do it with the expectation that something bad will happen to you during the trip? Of course not. You probably wouldn't even go on that trip if you thought it was dangerous. Yet, it's better to be safe than sorry. And that's what it ultimately boils down to.

 

umm, not being 100% sure it's your child & requireing a paternity test in order to be sure does in fact mean you suspect her of cheating.

 

 

This isn't a just in case like insurance protecting against a random chance of something bad happeneing.

an accident is not a live entity that can choose to happen to you or not.

 

A woman can choose to sleep with another man while with you.

She doesn't acidently fall on a penis multiple times until it fills her with sperm and impregnates her.

 

On the surface, you sound like a very controlling person with your insistance that a woman be involved in a paternity test that she actually doesn't even have to know is being done.

[txsilkysmoothe]

She doesn't acidently fall on a penis multiple times until it fills her with sperm and impregnates her.QUOTE]

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao:

[Johnny M]

The insurance idea also doesn't fly, either. How do you "insure", against infidelity? I'll tell you how. By being the kind of honorable man who treats his SO as an honorable woman, and not as a potential cheater.

First of all, read before you reply. I am not talking about insuring against infidelity. I am talking about protecting yourself from unwittingly becoming a stepfather. I personally have absolutely no interest in raising someone else's child so I would want to protect myself from that possibility.

 

Second, are you seriously saying that the way to ensure your partner is faithful to you is to put blind faith in that person? Are you for real?? I guess I'd rather be a "dishonorable" man than a clueless chump who's being cheated on his wife and is raising someone else's kid.

[donnamaybe]

She doesn't acidently fall on a penis multiple times until it fills her with sperm and impregnates her.

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao:

 

I know, huh?!!!!