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How do i let this girl down easy???

alphamale

By alphamale,
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Trimmer

Trimmer

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There was never any consummation that it was a relationship. You people keep arguing that he should have let her down as if there was a relationship. Once again, there was not any relationship here. As a result, he shouldn't act like there was one by ending it the way you suggest.

Actually, "you people" here weren't the ones who initiated the idea of "letting her down easy." Please review the subject line of this thread - the OP was the one who came in asking for advice on how to do that, so whether you call it a relationship or just "something more than one date" doesn't matter: he obviously felt connected enough that he was concerned.

 

Read the thread - he was concerned about how to handle it and how she would take it, and was advocating for how nice she was, right up to the time he ended it by text and she called him out on it. It's only after that that he started talking about how crazy she was and how it hadn't meant anything at all, and why would she put so much energy into it...

 

This, after he had agonized so much over how to end it...

 

I'm not yet convinced she's acting "crazy," but that's a convenient peg to hang his hat upon to make it all look like he's in the clear. Her response to his "see-ya" text wasn't over the top crazy at all, it just called him out on ending things in a lame way. And he's told us that she sent some other "tasteless" text messages, but until I see an example, I don't know if I trust his perceptions: he thought that "telling a mutual friend" the progress of their dating was outrageously unacceptable, and it angered him.

 

But I thought he didn't care that much, and it wasn't "a relationship," so why would telling a mutual friend about it matter? Mixed signals here, and I think some revisionist thinking going on...

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Twenty-ten

Twenty-ten

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"I just need to be on my own" is a flat out lie. LYING ISNT THE ADULT THING TO DO. Thats a shame that youre advocating lying. Theres women here that are telling Alpha that he should be softer in his approach, but cant come up with anything that is honest. Is no one here capable of being honest and can deal with their own guilt? Or maybe admit that the CANT come up with a way of telling the real truth in the "gentle" way theyd like?

 

Its only 6 dates, he doesnt owe her anything.

 

Hey Alpha, what are these anger texts she is sending you?

 

 

People lie all the time to spare themselves a bad moment and to avoid hurting others, it is easier for BOTH parties. What I suggested is no worse than what he actually ended up doing which was rude and immature. A dignified white lie is the mature thing to do in some cases if you really want to avoid hurting someone you care enough about and avoid creating a bad situation for yourself.

 

If you get a bout of diarrhea right before you have a first date with someone and show up late, you don't tell your love interest you just poured your intestines out and that's why you showed up late. More than likely you lie if it will make for a better situation.

 

If in this case he wanted to avoid confrontation and hurting someone as well as feeling bad himself he could have just lied and said what I suggested, he doesn't owe her a real explanation but he does owe her a certain level of decency in dumping her, he could have said the same thing on the phone and it would have made a huge difference. But the truth is he was too chicken to do it over the phone and now is using the excuse that "he owed her nothing and really wasn't into her" Yet he came here asking what he should do.

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alphamale

alphamale

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Okay, and you don't need to apologize to strangers for not caring about another stranger- BUT- why did you post about this then?

 

If you don't care- why solicit advice about it?

 

Boredom is an accpetable answer, but I am just curious.

because i didn't know what to do. see, usually i would just disappear but since this girl was so nice i had to tell her. we only went out like 5 times and didn't have sex. i would think a txt msg would be good enough but apparently its not.

 

i mean am i required to have a face-to-face discussion with someone i'm casually dating to break it off?

 

anyways, she sent me some more nasty text messages today. apparently she isn't such a nice girl after all

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Twenty-ten

Twenty-ten

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i mean am i required to have a face-to-face discussion with someone i'm casually dating to break it off?

 

 

 

No of course not, that I agree you didn't owe her a face to face encounter that would be too weird and too much drama. But a phone call would have been a better way to deal with it. She is asking you to get together and you text her back "need time to think, not available, not feeling chemistry for you any more" that's harsh over text and really spineless. If she was having doubts about you, that sealed the deal for her. Had you picked up the phone and said "look about the weekend...I've been thinking about us and to be honest I am just not feeling the romantic connection between us I think we are better as friends". It would have been a much better way to handle things.

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alphamale

alphamale

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Had you picked up the phone and said "look about the weekend...I've been thinking about us and to be honest I am just not feeling the romantic connection between us I think we are better as friends". It would have been a much better way to handle things.

i feel she took advantage of me...i took her out 6 times and paid for everything. she just wanted a free meal ticket. she never let me pick her up at her house. i never even saw her house. i asked her after our 3rd date if she would make dinner for me and she said "no". there was no sex.

 

last sunday i was at a dinner and a girl Julie said, and i quote "I know EVERYTHING about you and Dawn"

 

why should i call her after that? in retrospect i should just have blown her off and disappeared - that would have caused fewer problems. now shes sending me mean text messages saying i'm an ass**** and how im not a decent person and stuff

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Ms. Joolie

Ms. Joolie

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:laugh: Well you sure let the girl down easy alright. Text is as easy as it gets. lol

 

You know, from the sounds of it, I'm surprised you pushed it to 6 dates with her. Doesn't seem like 'it' was ever there for you, so just curious on that. Must have been some awkward dates.

 

As for the text ending.... could have been better. When breaking off with someone, you always want to:

 

1) be direct

2) be considerate

 

You sorta hit those marks. Well at least the first one. lol

Edited by Ms. Joolie
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lordWilhelm

lordWilhelm

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Whatever possessed you to go on a second date with her? The writing was on the wall after the first date, you already knew there was no chemistry.

 

By the way, don't let her get away so easily. Make sure you send her a detailed invoice for all those meals; she should pay up if she won't put out!

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alphamale

alphamale

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You know, from the sounds of it, I'm surprised you pushed it to 6 dates with her. Doesn't seem like 'it' was ever there for you, so just curious on that. Must have been some awkward dates.

the dates were not awkward. i was just on the fence with her and needed longer to figure out how i felt about her. usually i know within 1 or 2 dates but i needed more time with her. it was basically a take it or leave it scenario throughout. ya, weird i know

 

Whatever possessed you to go on a second date with her? The writing was on the wall after the first date, you already knew there was no chemistry.

see above

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txsilkysmoothe

txsilkysmoothe

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last sunday i was at a dinner and a girl Julie said, and i quote "I know EVERYTHING about you and Dawn"

 

Julie's going to know even more now.............. :confused::confused::eek:

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Twenty-ten

Twenty-ten

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But then why were you asking how to let her down easy since she was so so nice, I don't get that?!?!

All the things you described don't sound so nice, where is this nice part you talk about in the OP? :confused:

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alphamale

alphamale

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Julie's going to know even more now.............. :confused::confused::eek:

ya i know, its good marketing for my image.

 

But then why were you asking how to let her down easy since she was so so nice, I don't get that?!?!

All the things you described don't sound so nice, where is this nice part you talk about in the OP? :confused:

well she turned not-so-nice yesterday after i sent her that text saying i don't want to see her any more. she was very nice up until then

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pandagirl

pandagirl

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i feel she took advantage of me...i took her out 6 times and paid for everything. she just wanted a free meal ticket. she never let me pick her up at her house. i never even saw her house. i asked her after our 3rd date if she would make dinner for me and she said "no". there was no sex.

 

No wonder you're single.

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alphamale

alphamale

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No wonder you're single.

no, i'm single cause i'm waiting for the right girl. she hasn't come around yet but i'm getting a lot of posers

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tkgirl

tkgirl

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no, i'm single cause i'm waiting for the right girl. she hasn't come around yet but i'm getting a lot of posers

 

Like attracts like alpha.... you probably acted like you were into her when you clearly never were... so you're just as much a "poser". You gotta take some responsiblity here and act like the 44 year old man :eek: that you are!

 

oops... and I said I wasn't going to respond to any more of your threads... last time I swear! ;)

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alphamale

alphamale

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Like attracts like alpha.... you probably acted like you were into her when you clearly never were... so you're just as much a "poser". You gotta take some responsiblity here and act like the 44 year old man :eek: that you are!

yea i guess i'm the bOOb here

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tkgirl

tkgirl

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yea i guess i'm the bOOb here

 

if you're serious and you will take some of the responsiblity for all this, then you may just earn back some of that respect I had for you! ;)

if not then... well... I guess we'll both still sleep ok tonight! :laugh:

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sedgwick

sedgwick

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i think i'm just going to go into NC for a bit. if she contacts me then i'll tell her something.

 

i'm also thinking the DD (Digital Dump) by txt msg.

 

Both of those things are very, very cruel, and far more hurtful than just telling someone up front, to their face (or at the bare minimum over the phone) that you don't feel the chemistry. Think about it: if someone wanted to break up with you, would you rather be told, or ignored?

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pandagirl

pandagirl

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no, i'm single cause i'm waiting for the right girl. she hasn't come around yet but i'm getting a lot of posers

 

If there is one, you need to read the male version of Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough. It's all about how one thinks you're so perfect and that you deserve your dream woman/man who fits your every need. In that process, you neglect to see your own imperfections.

 

Really, alphamale, do you think YOU are anyone's Mr. Right. It seems like you are pretty uncaring and selfish. Good girls don't like guys like that.

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alphamale

alphamale

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Think about it: if someone wanted to break up with you, would you rather be told, or ignored?

it wasn't a "break up"...we were never a couple

 

Really, alphamale, do you think YOU are anyone's Mr. Right. It seems like you are pretty uncaring and selfish. Good girls don't like guys like that.

yea you're probably right

 

Oh, I just read that you did it by text. Ugh. Cowardly, cowardly, BEYOND cowardly.

better than nothing at all...

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tkgirl

tkgirl

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maybe i am a boob and did it the wrong way but the mission was accomplished

 

 

serious... should have been done a long time ago.

 

Anyho... time to move on... go find someone you can be in to and now she can do the same.

 

god, I keep responding to your threads when I said I wouldn't anymore... what is it about you alpha? :laugh:

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