Art_Critic Posted February 24, 2010 Share Posted February 24, 2010 I think you can be honest, without being brutally honest. Don't come out and tell her you don't find her physically attractive and happen to be a bit turned off that she has a kid... Tell her "I think you are a great person, but we don't have chemistry" and leave it at that. Yeah.. D-lish has it right... One thing you want to do no matter which way you decide is to make sure the door isn't left open.. close the door.. Nothing is worse than someone who will hang on any little chance if the door is left a crack open... I always preferred to hear the no chemistry line or the I don't see us together or some shiot like that.. I need that spark an it's missing... I also have used those lines as well like that.. No sense in tearing a person down while being rejected.. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted February 24, 2010 Share Posted February 24, 2010 Yeah.. D-lish has it right... One thing you want to do no matter which way you decide is to make sure the door isn't left open.. close the door.. Nothing is worse than someone who will hang on any little chance if the door is left a crack open... I always preferred to hear the no chemistry line or the I don't see us together or some shiot like that.. I need that spark an it's missing... I also have used those lines as well like that.. No sense in tearing a person down while being rejected.. Well, we are on the same page Art. There is never a good reason for telling someone they aren't attractive. That's totally awful! Anyone that thinks people should just be able to handle that kind of rejection is retarded, and simply not very nice. Not very nice at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Crazy Magnet Posted February 24, 2010 Share Posted February 24, 2010 End it cleanly for sure. "Although I have enjoyed getting to know you, I only have platonic feelings for you and do not wish to pursue anything further with you." It might sound a little harsh, but she deserves the truth. She doesn't need to know a reason why, especially if it's you aren't physically attracted to her! Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted February 24, 2010 Share Posted February 24, 2010 (edited) There is never a good reason for telling someone they aren't attractive. That's totally awful! Anyone that thinks people should just be able to handle that kind of rejection is retarded, and simply not very nice. Not very nice at all. Anyone who cant handle the truth is retarded. No one said to tell her she isnt attractive, he just isnt attracted to her. The world isnt nice, just because you cant handle it doesnt mean no one else can. I cant believe the hypocrisy here. One minute, its 'be totally honest" but the next its "Lie to spare their feelings." Youre beneath contempt. Edited February 24, 2010 by boogieboy Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted February 24, 2010 Share Posted February 24, 2010 (edited) I think you can be honest, without being brutally honest. Agreed. You can be simple, clear, and honest withough feeling like you need to intentionally bump it up to a level of brutality. Anyone who cant handle the truth is retarded. No one said to tell her she isnt attractive, he just isnt attracted to her. The world isnt nice, just because you cant handle it doesnt mean no one else can. I cant believe the hypocrisy here. One minute, its 'be totally honest" but the next its "Lie to spare their feelings." Youre beneath contempt. Wow - overreact much? Someone is suggesting that he translate "not attracted to you" into "don't feel the chemistry" and you're considering that an outright lie that is "beneath contempt?" It seems to me that if you are distinguishing her "being attractive" as a separate thing from his "being attracted", then you are very much talking about "chemistry." I don't see any problem terming it that way, when it's quite likely that someone hearing it would be much more likely to hear "not attracted" as "not attractive." Yes, you can go on about how any person who can't handle that would be "retarded" (nice thoughtful analysis, there) but that sounds an awful lot like you saying that someone who might misinterpret the subtlety of this statement is undeserving of compassion... Now who's contemptible? Edited February 24, 2010 by Trimmer Link to post Share on other sites
Zeegagge Posted February 24, 2010 Share Posted February 24, 2010 Does she have any hot friends? Get up with one of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Awesome Username Posted February 24, 2010 Share Posted February 24, 2010 I agree with D on this one Alpha - tell her you two are incompatible but do not say you are not physically attracted to her. She doesn't need to know, and it could cause unnecessary hurt feelings. That's right up there with telling a guy that he's not big enough in the pants. Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted February 24, 2010 Share Posted February 24, 2010 Agreed. You can be simple, clear, and honest withough feeling like you need to intentionally bump it up to a level of brutality. But theres nothing honest about any of those statements, and it certainly isnt clear. Wow - overreact much? Someone is suggesting that he translate "not attracted to you" into "don't feel the chemistry" and you're considering that an outright lie that is "beneath contempt?" I consider any form of lies as beneath contempt. Any adult can handle the truth, its not at all brutal to tell someone youre not attracted to them. and it doesnt have to be brutal to tell the truth. Yes, you can go on about how any person who can't handle that would be "retarded" (nice thoughtful analysis, there) but that sounds an awful lot like you saying that someone who might misinterpret the subtlety of this statement is undeserving of compassion... Now who's contemptible? Again, The real truth can be said with compassion and without being brutal, and I appreciate how you smash me for using "retarted" and not the original poster who said that. Just because I talk brutal here doesnt mean that I'd beat someone over the head with a pipe with words to get a point across. The fact that people advocate not being truly honest with someone in a breakup is why people are so clueless when they show up to this message board in the first place. I believe that dishonesty contemptible, and its a damn shame that people here fight so hard to keep the lies going. Link to post Share on other sites
Richard Friedman Posted February 24, 2010 Share Posted February 24, 2010 (edited) So nice girls finish last as well?? Talk about missing the forest for the trees. It's more like non-hot girls finish last. Edited February 24, 2010 by Richard Friedman Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted February 24, 2010 Share Posted February 24, 2010 (edited) What example can you give to the "obvious" chemistry? Honestly, do you think it's not going to affect someone telling them they are "nice" but just not physically attractive? You think that's a good thing to bring up when breaking up with someone? Telling them they are ugly works for you? Jaysus, dont date- you're not nice. "Boogie boy" is obviously a child who should be on a "teen" website. I really wouldn't pay much attention to him Edited February 24, 2010 by skydiveaddict Link to post Share on other sites
lino Posted February 24, 2010 Share Posted February 24, 2010 Should i just tell her straight up that i'm not physically attracted In contrast to many others, I reckon you should go with this. I like for people to be honest with me and I believe in doing the same myself. I can't stand sugar coating... If a girl would wanna dump me because I'm too ugly, too 'small', not wealthy enough, whatever.. I want to be told so, not be told I'm 'such a nice guy', 'perfect as I am', etc... I've heard that sh*t too many times an it doesn't help at all. I don't like being bulsh*tted either so I wouldn't wanna hear 'I'm seeing someone else', 'I'm not ready for a relationship right now', etc if it isn't true. Link to post Share on other sites
make me believe Posted February 24, 2010 Share Posted February 24, 2010 Oh my goodness...do not tell her it's because you're not physically attracted to her!! That is just mean, and besides, you couldn't have figured that out on, say, the first date?! It certainly doesn't take me a month to realize I'm not physically attracted to a guy. Just tell her you've enjoyed hanging out with her but have realized you're not interested in pursuing anything romantic with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alphamale Posted February 25, 2010 Author Share Posted February 25, 2010 i think i'm just going to go into NC for a bit. if she contacts me then i'll tell her something. shes just so nice, i don't know how to deal with nice girls that well. if she doesn't hear from me in the next coupla days she'll know something is up and then she will be more prepared. i'm also thinking the DD (Digital Dump) by txt msg. but the good thing is that i haven't promised her anything and also that we haven't had sex. god this used to be so easy when i was younger Link to post Share on other sites
shadowplay Posted February 25, 2010 Share Posted February 25, 2010 As a woman I vote for telling her the brutal truth -- that you're not physically attracted. Just do it in a sensitive tone. I know that when a guy gives me some vague answer like he's not feeling the chemistry that just opens up a whole host of questions. Why isn't he feeling the chemistry? Is it something I did? Etc. etc. Just be honest and specific. Link to post Share on other sites
spinster Posted February 25, 2010 Share Posted February 25, 2010 i think i'm just going to go into NC for a bit. if she contacts me then i'll tell her something. shes just so nice, i don't know how to deal with nice girls that well. if she doesn't hear from me in the next coupla days she'll know something is up and then she will be more prepared. i'm also thinking the DD (Digital Dump) by txt msg. but the good thing is that i haven't promised her anything and also that we haven't had sex. god this used to be so easy when i was younger Dude, what you are saying is a totally normal way to go about things, but is the behavior of a COWARD. NC torture? Text dump? Cowardly. Rare to find a non-coward dude. Just tell her you are not feeling it next time you talk to her. She can infer the rest from there. Goddamn. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alphamale Posted February 25, 2010 Author Share Posted February 25, 2010 Dude, what you are saying is a totally normal way to go about things, but is the behavior of a COWARD. NC torture? Text dump? Cowardly. Rare to find a non-coward dude.. yea i guess i'm a coward when dealing w/ nice girls....the bad girls are so much easier to deal with Link to post Share on other sites
spinster Posted February 25, 2010 Share Posted February 25, 2010 But see, it's the nice girls that deserve the non-coward treatment. You've got it all backwards. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alphamale Posted February 25, 2010 Author Share Posted February 25, 2010 But see, it's the nice girls that deserve the non-coward treatment. You've got it all backwards. ok i'll just send her a text msg that says: Dawn: The last month has been fun but i just don't see "us" going any further. You are a nice girl who deserves better than me. I would just hurt you so I think we should end it here. I wish you the best in the future. Alpha Link to post Share on other sites
spinster Posted February 25, 2010 Share Posted February 25, 2010 (edited) Come on man, that crap in the middle is just a version of "It's me, not you" If you must go the text route, edit it down to: Dawn: The last month has been fun but i just don't see "us" going any further. You are a great girl and I've enjoyed getting to know you. I wish you the best in the future. Alpha Edited February 25, 2010 by spinster Link to post Share on other sites
spinster Posted February 25, 2010 Share Posted February 25, 2010 Oh, and, don't tell me you go by "Alpha" in real life. Hah. Link to post Share on other sites
lordWilhelm Posted February 25, 2010 Share Posted February 25, 2010 Oh come on, you shouldn't do this via text. Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted February 25, 2010 Share Posted February 25, 2010 How do i let this girl down easy??? I dont think you're giving this situation enough time to develop. She sounds pretty awesome to me Link to post Share on other sites
shadowplay Posted February 25, 2010 Share Posted February 25, 2010 Come on man, that crap in the middle is just a version of "It's me, not you" If you must go the text route, edit it down to: Dawn: The last month has been fun but i just don't see "us" going any further. You are a great girl and I've enjoyed getting to know you. I wish you the best in the future. Alpha Here's my edit. First off I'd take out the quotations around us. Dawn: The last month has been fun but i just don't see us going any further. You are a great girl and I've enjoyed getting to know you. I just don't feel enough of a spark. I wish you the best in the future. Alpha Link to post Share on other sites
spinster Posted February 25, 2010 Share Posted February 25, 2010 Yeah, I was gonna say that, too. The quotes seem mocking. Alphamale, text breakups aren't very "Alpha"! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 25, 2010 Share Posted February 25, 2010 looks in eyes 'I think you're a wonderful person; I don't feel the connection I need to feel to pursue an intimate relationship with you' I had to do this with someone whom I loved dearly but had to let go because the relationship was unhealthy. Same as above, but the words were 'The way things are right now (we had already talked through the 'things'), I have to let you go.' Embrace. Goodbye. Cry for a couple hours. That was 17 years ago but I can remember it like it was yesterday. It stuck. We would not see each other again for 14 years. Alpha, IMO, if you can date her in person, you can end the dating relationship in person. You know it's the right thing to do... Link to post Share on other sites
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