Johnny M Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 I must say that I find some of the opinions expressed in this thread almost unbelievable. The same women who claim to be men's equals and demand being treated as such all of a sudden turn into stepford wives when the bill hits the table. How much more selfish and hypocritical can you get? This woman is making a big stink because she spent $10 more than her date as drinks/desert turned out to be more expensive than dinner. I mean, are you serious?? $10? Personally, I'd be ashamed admitting to such level of stinginess. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 Johnny you are not getting it .... HE suggested to go for expensive dessert not her and he didnt want to pay and that is just cheap! doing the slow motion wallet thing is just cringey!!! Oh well he screwed it up now ... I wouldnt see him again either Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 (edited) I am a woman and I don't date women. I agree with much of what you have to say, except a few key parts. I realize women don't want to be the breadwinners and maybe some men don't either. Your attitude when you stated about women having their money for luxury items and paying the mortgage if they have to, is that sense of entitlement I was speaking of. A gold digger has a sense of entitlement in a financial sense thinking a man should pay for anything for them because they were born a female. Gold diggers feel that they deserve to be treated well, and that includes knowing that someone is willing to spend money on them. If I was on a first date which I have been on a few times I suggested before we got there or planned the place that we would go dutch. I could not imagine going on many dates to pay for each one, and have anyone think I owed them financially by paying each time because they were born a female and I was born a male. If I chose to pay that is one thing, but to say someone is cheap because they don't fulfill another's expectation that they pay is ridiculous. That is a sense of entitlement which no one in life deserves. No, gold diggers want a man purely for financial reasons. They don't care what his personality is, what his looks are, they want a meal ticket. They don't care about him as a person, they don't listen to him, pay attention to his needs. THAT is a gold digger. Secondly, I never said because she was a woman that is why he should pay. In fact, I said if SHE asked him out then she should of paid half afterall it was her inviting HIM out. However, because it was him who offered to take her out, and suggested they go to two different places; I thought it was extremely poor she ended up shelling out close to 50 bucks for saying yes to the guy. That's ridiculous! Secondly, because I'm a woman I think if we are going out somewhere the man should get the door for me. I'm capable of opening my own damn door but I appreciate the gesture. Would I get out of the car and go over to open the car date for my male date? No, and I'm sure he'd prefer I didn't. Does that make me a chivalry-digger? Edited January 19, 2010 by hoping2heal Link to post Share on other sites
Clep Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 No, gold diggers want a man purely for financial reasons. They don't care what his personality is, what his looks are, they want a meal ticket. They don't care about him as a person, they don't listen to him, pay attention to his needs. THAT is a gold digger. Secondly, I never said because she was a woman that is why he should pay. In fact, I said if SHE asked him out then she should of paid half afterall it was her inviting HIM out. However, because it was him who offered to take her out, and suggested they go to two different places; I thought it was extremely poor she ended up shelling out close to 50 bucks for saying yes to the guy. That's ridiculous! Secondly, because I'm a woman I think if we are going out somewhere the man should get the door for me. I'm capable of opening my own damn door but I appreciate the gesture. Would I get out of the car and go over to open the car date for my male date? No, and I'm sure he'd prefer I didn't. Does that make me a chivalry-digger? So if he invites her he should pay for all of it, but if she invites him she should pay half. So if sex isn't involved or a sense of entitlement then she should have paid half for the dinner he invited her to. She ended up paying ten bucks for the night and if anyone is complaining that they paid ten bucks out of a bill that was eight times that amount there is something wrong there. You are defending that, contradicting yourself in the process and laughing at me. Enough said. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 So if he invites her he should pay for all of it, but if she invites him she should pay half. So if sex isn't involved or a sense of entitlement then she should have paid half for the dinner he invited her to. She ended up paying ten bucks for the night and if anyone is complaining that they paid ten bucks out of a bill that was eight times that amount there is something wrong there. You are defending that, contradicting yourself in the process and laughing at me. Enough said. those double standards make me sick... Link to post Share on other sites
harmfulsweetz Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 So if he invites her he should pay for all of it, but if she invites him she should pay half. So if sex isn't involved or a sense of entitlement then she should have paid half for the dinner he invited her to. She ended up paying ten bucks for the night and if anyone is complaining that they paid ten bucks out of a bill that was eight times that amount there is something wrong there. You are defending that, contradicting yourself in the process and laughing at me. Enough said. Spot on. It was $10, seriously. It's hardly $100 is it? I think it should be based on who invites who, but it should be if he invites her there, he should pay or go dutch, if she invites him, same way. There are of course guys who refuse to take the money when it's offered genuinely, (if I didn't want to pay, I wouldn't offer) and that's pretty good too. But of course, I'd try and find a way around that. I always believe in being fair on dates, I don't think its fair for the man to pay for the movie tickets, the popcorn, drinks and everything else, I think it's only right (if he's happy with that) for the woman to pay towards it. Maybe not her movie ticket, but maybe the popcorn and drink? I think the main thing that would get me about this situation would be the awkwardness, was it really necessary? OP, if you genuinely didn't want to pay, why did you reach for your purse? He probably took that as 'I'll pay." Don't pull your purse out next time. Communication is what was lacking here, instead of discussing it, and saying 'who's getting that?' you both dithered. Both of you were ingenuine in your offers to pay, you didn't really want to, you were secretly hoping he would stop you. That's kind of your fault. You shouldn't do things with false intentions. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 So we had a first date Saturday night. For dinner, the bill came out to be $35, which he offered to pay which was nice. Then we went to get desert and drinks. The bill came out to be $45. I slowly went for my purse to see if he'd offer to pay. He slowly went for his wallet too lol. And I mean I was really slow, but he didn't seem keen on paying, so I opened up my purse and put my card in the bill while he watched me fiddle with the broken flap. I put the bill on the table THEN he takes out his card and was like 'want to split it'? At that point, it was just awkward since I already put in my card so I just said 'no it's fine I'll get it'. He thanked me. Eventhough he offered to split, he wasn't sincere about it. He texted me the day after and called me this morning. But to be honest, I was pretty turned off that I ended up paying more than him on our first date. Is this a yay or nay?? I'm not saying it will never happen anymore, but I'm pretty sure if you say what you mean and do what you say, you will have less of these kind of situations than you currently do by not saying what you mean and only doing things that makes dating into disappointing head games. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 So if he invites her he should pay for all of it, but if she invites him she should pay half. So if sex isn't involved or a sense of entitlement then she should have paid half for the dinner he invited her to. She ended up paying ten bucks for the night and if anyone is complaining that they paid ten bucks out of a bill that was eight times that amount there is something wrong there. You are defending that, contradicting yourself in the process and laughing at me. Enough said. She didn't pay ten bucks? She paid 45. She paid almost 50 bucks, for what? She never asked him out. He asked her out. He paid closer to 30. Secondly, I said pay half because she already had done that. I meant it in the context of "Okay if YOU asked HIM out and ended up paying half, what is the big deal? You DID afterall ask him out in that scenario" That said she DIDN'T. But, come to think of it...I guess I don't really see a problem with a woman paying for the whole thing if she asks the guy out; the GUY on the other hand probably would have a problem with it. As I mentioned to another poster- people try to make men and women "equals" by looking at all the wrong crap! Sorry ladies, pay for the first date does it mean you can write your name in the show standing up when you take a whiz? No, not gonna happen! Why does it have to be an issue! It doesn't Secondly, I was not laughing at you. I was pointing out a concept you cannot change. If a woman were to pull out her man's seat, open the car door; how is the man going to feel about it? How is he going to feel if she DOESN'T do those things? Link to post Share on other sites
RedDevil66 Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 this thread is mind blowing. You're going to dump a guy who may be a great person because he didn't pay for dessert? Maybe he didn't want to insult you since you offered to pay. He doesn't even know you so maybe he was worried about how you may feel about it. If you are this fickle, then best you let him go and find someone who doesn't throw people out for total NONSENCE! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author conehead Posted January 20, 2010 Author Share Posted January 20, 2010 Just to be clear, I don't regret paying the $45. Its not much in the grand scheme of things. Call it a test if you want. Every other guy in the past has passed this test with flying colors! This guy is the only one who failed. (excluding guys I had zero interest in and literally fought my way to pay). At least I don't feel bad about ignoring his calls/texts since I paid and do not owe him anything. If I pull my purse and the guy does not let me pay, then he is a GO! (this is 95% of the time) If I pull my purse and the guy acts like a wimp, he is a NO GO! (5% of the time) Simple test to weed out the losers. Link to post Share on other sites
harmfulsweetz Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 She didn't pay ten bucks? She paid 45. She paid almost 50 bucks, for what? She never asked him out. He asked her out. He paid closer to 30. Secondly, I said pay half because she already had done that. I meant it in the context of "Okay if YOU asked HIM out and ended up paying half, what is the big deal? You DID afterall ask him out in that scenario" That said she DIDN'T. But, come to think of it...I guess I don't really see a problem with a woman paying for the whole thing if she asks the guy out; the GUY on the other hand probably would have a problem with it. As I mentioned to another poster- people try to make men and women "equals" by looking at all the wrong crap! Sorry ladies, pay for the first date does it mean you can write your name in the show standing up when you take a whiz? No, not gonna happen! Why does it have to be an issue! It doesn't Secondly, I was not laughing at you. I was pointing out a concept you cannot change. If a woman were to pull out her man's seat, open the car door; how is the man going to feel about it? How is he going to feel if she DOESN'T do those things? Of course there will always be differences, but that's not to say men and women can't be equal. Women can't pee standing up, but then men can't (I don't think) have multiple orgasms, swings and roundabouts! Men and women are equal, it's simply a societal norm that the man is the gentleman (how many men are actually gentle may I ask?) and the woman is the subserviant housewife. You don't have be a housewife to be traditional, I know, but we're in the realm of online dating, and we still can't wrap our heads around paying for a bill ourselves but we can work out whether to meet a basic stranger off the internet? Curious, just curious. Link to post Share on other sites
harmfulsweetz Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 Just to be clear, I don't regret paying the $45. Its not much in the grand scheme of things. Call it a test if you want. Every other guy in the past has passed this test with flying colors! This guy is the only one who failed. (excluding guys I had zero interest in and literally fought my way to pay). At least I don't feel bad about ignoring his calls/texts since I paid and do not owe him anything. If I pull my purse and the guy does not let me pay, then he is a GO! (this is 95% of the time) If I pull my purse and the guy acts like a wimp, he is a NO GO! (5% of the time) Blokes do not have it easy. So if you act (completely falsely may I add) like you want to pay, he's supposed to mind read and be expected to fight you for the bill? If he doesn't, then he's a wimp, cheap and you're outta there like your a$$ just caught fire? Mind boggling, simply mind boggling. Link to post Share on other sites
RedDevil66 Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 Just to be clear, I don't regret paying the $45. Its not much in the grand scheme of things. Call it a test if you want. Every other guy in the past has passed this test with flying colors! This guy is the only one who failed. (excluding guys I had zero interest in and literally fought my way to pay). At least I don't feel bad about ignoring his calls/texts since I paid and do not owe him anything. If I pull my purse and the guy does not let me pay, then he is a GO! (this is 95% of the time) If I pull my purse and the guy acts like a wimp, he is a NO GO! (5% of the time) Simple test to weed out the losers. you dumped him cause he didn't pay and he's the loser? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author conehead Posted January 20, 2010 Author Share Posted January 20, 2010 Just to be clear, I don't regret paying the $45. Its not much in the grand scheme of things. Call it a test if you want. Every other guy in the past has passed this test with flying colors! This guy is the only one who failed. (excluding guys I had zero interest in and literally fought my way to pay). At least I don't feel bad about ignoring his calls/texts since I paid and do not owe him anything. If I pull my purse and the guy does not let me pay, then he is a GO! (this is 95% of the time) If I pull my purse and the guy acts like a wimp, he is a NO GO! (5% of the time) Blokes do not have it easy. So if you act (completely falsely may I add) like you want to pay, he's supposed to mind read and be expected to fight you for the bill? If he doesn't, then he's a wimp, cheap and you're outta there like your a$$ just caught fire? Mind boggling, simply mind boggling. There is no fighting for the bill. He simply just says 'i'll get it'. It's not that hard. By the second or third date, if I really want to pay, then I go 'since you got it last time, let me get it this time'....and I will have no issue if he lets me pay then. A guy is not expected to read a girls' mind all the time, but this is basic dating etiquette and common sense. If a guy is clueless, such as the one sat night, that is too bad. Link to post Share on other sites
RedDevil66 Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 [ Blokes do not have it easy. So if you act (completely falsely may I add) like you want to pay, he's supposed to mind read and be expected to fight you for the bill? If he doesn't, then he's a wimp, cheap and you're outta there like your a$$ just caught fire? Mind boggling, simply mind boggling. agreed, totally mind boggling! But at least this poor guy got off easy Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 I didnt' offer. He basically was the one who waited for me to put my card in the flap before 'offering' to split. Even if we did split, I'd still say he's cheap. As for the $10 difference, see my post above. He paid for dinner, then he saw you go for your purse (at whatever speed) and ended up letting you pay. Awkward moment, but is it really worth killing a 2nd date for? I guess I just don't see what the big deal is to be honest. Link to post Share on other sites
harmfulsweetz Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 There is no fighting for the bill. He simply just says 'i'll get it'. It's not that hard. By the second or third date, if I really want to pay, then I go 'since you got it last time, let me get it this time'....and I will have no issue if he lets me pay then. A guy is not expected to read a girls' mind all the time, but this is basic dating etiquette and common sense. If a guy is clueless, such as the one sat night, that is too bad. Or if he takes your actions to mean what most normal people think they mean, then course he is completely clueless, not the person who does things with false intentions. Quit the game playing, and own it. You don't want to pay, own it, stop masking it with getting your purse out, expecting him to stop you, (all so you look so nice, and so willing ) and own the damn thing. Sorry, but if you expect a guy to pay, say so, instead of moaning afterwards that he's a loser and cheap, because he read you wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Rainman760 Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 lol~! alphamale was right...why is this being made into such a huge issue? It's just dating for God's sake not Middle Eastern peace talks! Some of you are trying to define this mystical "fairness" between the sexes through the lens of rational thinking and tit for tat-ness by who gets what percentage of the check! I think people would be much happier if they just accepted that men and women generally have their own quirks, and are different in many ways and do what they do and feel what they feel because they just do...logic be damned! Accept that, make your play with that in mind and have some fun...(if you can stand it!) btw, I have already shared what I do and consider to be the solution to this issue about 80 posts ago in this thread and yet it continues to grow and mutate! Entertaining though! Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 Look, It's as simple as this. He asked her out. He paid for dinner. Lovely. Then there's these threads like "oh you might pass up a great guy because he didn't buy desert?" Well, my thoughts on that are this. If he was THAT great of a guy, would he suggest to a woman he asked out on a date one time to go for desert to some place that racks up a nearly 50 dollar bill and has her pay? Link to post Share on other sites
harmfulsweetz Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 Look, It's as simple as this. He asked her out. He paid for dinner. Lovely. Then there's these threads like "oh you might pass up a great guy because he didn't buy desert?" Well, my thoughts on that are this. If he was THAT great of a guy, would he suggest to a woman he asked out on a date one time to go for desert to some place that racks up a nearly 50 dollar bill and has her pay? If she's such a great, nice girl, why did she do something with false intentions? She pulled her purse out knowing she didn't want to pay, but expected him to stop her because he reads minds Link to post Share on other sites
harmfulsweetz Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 lol~! alphamale was right...why is this being made into such a huge issue? It's just dating for God's sake not Middle Eastern peace talks! Some of you are trying to define this mystical "fairness" between the sexes through the lens of rational thinking and tit for tat-ness by who gets what percentage of the check! I think people would be much happier if they just accepted that men and women generally have their own quirks, and are different in many ways and do what they do and feel what they feel because they just do...logic be damned! Accept that, make your play with that in mind and have some fun...(if you can stand it!) btw, I have already shared what I do and consider to be the solution to this issue about 80 posts ago in this thread and yet it continues to grow and mutate! Entertaining though! We love a debate Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 If she's such a great, nice girl, why did she do something with false intentions? She pulled her purse out knowing she didn't want to pay, but expected him to stop her because he reads minds Oh I don't think she ever should of done that either, don't get me wrong. I think that's also ridiculous. However, she can't um..dump herself. However, regardless of what kind of girl SHE is, she could be (OP not saying you ARE) the most evil, man eating, gold digging, castrating woman on the planet..would it justify him? No. Link to post Share on other sites
harmfulsweetz Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 Oh I don't think she ever should of done that either, don't get me wrong. I think that's also ridiculous. However, she can't um..dump herself. However, regardless of what kind of girl SHE is, she could be (OP not saying you ARE) the most evil, man eating, gold digging, castrating woman on the planet..would it justify him? No. Agreed, but like I've said, both actions made it awkward. If she wants a guy to pay, don't reach into bag for purse, and own it. If he wanted her to go dutch, he should have spoken sooner. Link to post Share on other sites
Rainman760 Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 If she's such a great, nice girl, why did she do something with false intentions? She pulled her purse out knowing she didn't want to pay, but expected him to stop her because he reads minds There's a lesson here if anyone cares to learn it. When a woman does something like that she isn't being false, she is sizing up his character and qualities (especially on a first date). Sure maybe she wished him to pay but by pulling out her purse she is, in a non-confrontational way, giving a signal that he either noitices and thanks her for the gesture and still pays or he lets her get out her wallet while he looks at his dinner rolls and tanks the whole deal. If you don't like the way that works then bring your lawyer to dinner with you! Women do that kind of stuff a lot and us blunderheaded men rarely see through the fog. Watch any romantic comedy and you'll see what I mean. Women are truly mysterious creatures and god bless 'em for that! Link to post Share on other sites
tkgirl Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 ok.. blah blah blah... should he have let her pay or should he have paid for everything... who cares! what's done is done. What I want to know now is did he ask her out again? sorry, don't feel like weeding through 170+ posts... Link to post Share on other sites
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