Megan909 Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 he shouldve paid!!! n for him to even ask....wanna split it?? ughh what a gentleman Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 I hate cheap men! Hate em hate em hate em! Now If I was out and KNEW the guy would not be seeing me again I would probably insist on paying and get out of there and then I would not feel bad for not seeing him again BUT if I really like him and even if he mentioned splitting it, I would not see him again, I would see him as cheap and it would put me off him in an instant! It is totally not about the money it is all about the feeling of being taken out and treated like a lady. To me a guy pays the first few dates and then after that its 50/50 Link to post Share on other sites
Chicago_Guy Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 Do you think it's possible that her experiences with dating have shown men to feel intimidated by her success? I'm just curious. I'm not sticking up for her. I'm just playing devil's advocate. Had she been given the second date chance, maybe she would've paid. You'll never know, now. But I would think that if a woman earned more, was more successful than the man, it probably doesn't behoove her to ACT like she's the man and grab the bill. I think it's sad, but that garbage still exists, too (men being intimidated by successful women): http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/19/us/19marriage.html I'm just curious on your thoughts about that - not asking you to defend any actions. I know you are playing devil's advocate here, but I bet that woman wouldn't have offered to pay on the second date either. Actually it wouldn't surprise me if she didn't even thank the guy for purchasing the dinner on their date. Sometimes professionally/financially women like that have ridiculously high expectations. If a guy is turned off by that type of attitude, a lot of those women will tell their friends that the guy was insecure and intimidated by their success. I suppose this is the natural corollary of the attitudes held by men who let women walk all over them and then think that the women don't like them because they are "too nice." Link to post Share on other sites
TheLoneSock Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 I hate cheap men! Hate em hate em hate em! Now If I was out and KNEW the guy would not be seeing me again I would probably insist on paying and get out of there and then I would not feel bad for not seeing him again BUT if I really like him and even if he mentioned splitting it, I would not see him again, I would see him as cheap and it would put me off him in an instant! It is totally not about the money it is all about the feeling of being taken out and treated like a lady. To me a guy pays the first few dates and then after that its 50/50 How old are you Lishy? Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 How old are you Lishy? I am 38 Lone, and I know you are young so I excuse your lack of dating etiquette ... But take it from a chick that knows, if you like the girl and want to see her again then pay for the date! Link to post Share on other sites
TheLoneSock Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 I am 38 Lone, and I know you are young so I excuse your lack of dating etiquette ... But take it from a chick that knows, if you like the girl and want to see her again then pay for the date! I don't need your excuse of anything. I'm doing just fine in the dating realm. Both of my longest relationships started out that way as well. You can bet I'll be married with children by the time I'm 38 though, oh wise one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
counterman Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 So what's the general consensus here? The guy always pay on the first date unless the girl doesn't like him then she may offer to pay or split-it. Though, guys should never let the girl pay or ask for her to split? Is that it? Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 Isn't the answer here really simple? It bothers the OP, so she shouldn't put up with it. I've seen far sillier reasons for failed first dates, honestly. To the men responding with venom towards the OP: No, things really aren't exactly equal for women in all other ways yet. If you're going to be so calculative about the way the scales stand with regards to 'fairness', riddle me this: Would you go on a second date with a woman who only spent $20 on an outfit from walmart, $10 on crocs and a $10 haircut, with 0 makeup, shaving, or skin product use? I know some guys don't mind (my own bf is one of them), and I respect them all the more for it. But I bet most of you do. Link to post Share on other sites
TheLoneSock Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 Would you go on a second date with a woman who only spent $20 on an outfit from walmart, $10 on crocs and a $10 haircut, with 0 makeup, shaving, or skin product use? I know some guys don't mind (my own bf is one of them), and I respect them all the more for it. But I bet most of you do. If even under those circumstances she has my attraction enough for me to ask her on a date in the first place, then she must be doing something right. I say yes. Link to post Share on other sites
txsilkysmoothe Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 Perhaps it comes down to the purpose of the date. I don't date to get meals. If I wasn't there, I'd be paying for my meal that night. I date to meet someone -to assess whether they might enhance my life. The food is incidental. Different priorities I suppose................. Link to post Share on other sites
SoulSearch_CO Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 So what's the general consensus here? The guy always pay on the first date unless the girl doesn't like him then she may offer to pay or split-it. Though, guys should never let the girl pay or ask for her to split? Is that it? Pretty much. P*ssy has a higher trading value. Cawks are a dime a dozen. Link to post Share on other sites
harmfulsweetz Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 For me, it depends. I don't mind splitting, but I like it to be made clear that is what we are doing before the bill arrives. The awkwardness would get me, a guy just shouldn't be awkward when picking up the bill. It would ruin the night for me. I prefer the man to pay on the first date, but if he prefers to split, then I have no problem doing so. If we were to see a movie, I would expect him to get the tickets and me to buy the popcorn and drink. It does depend on the woman, and the man, if you're a woman who like to be treated on the first date, you need to find a man who doesn't have a problem doing so, and vice versa. However, sometimes, women need to realize that it's not always within a man's means to pick up every check, especially if it's expensive. Link to post Share on other sites
Choboto Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 I didnt' offer. He basically was the one who waited for me to put my card in the flap before 'offering' to split. Even if we did split, I'd still say he's cheap. As for the $10 difference, see my post above. so because he doesnt want to pay like 100$ on someone on the first date hes cheap?100$ is a ton of money to spend on someone you just met and on a first date... where the **** did yall go to eat? France? Link to post Share on other sites
OnlyJake Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 so because he doesnt want to pay like 100$ on someone on the first date hes cheap?100$ is a ton of money to spend on someone you just met and on a first date... where the **** did yall go to eat? France? The OP's date should have considered his budget and concerns such as the one you brought up before asking the OP out. After the first part of their date, he shouldn't have suggested drinks and dessert if he didn't want to pay more than $35 for the date. Link to post Share on other sites
harmfulsweetz Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 The OP's date should have considered his budget and concerns such as the one you brought up before asking the OP out. After the first part of their date, he shouldn't have suggested drinks and dessert if he didn't want to pay more than $35 for the date. Spot on. If you suggest doing something, you should pay. You shouldn't suggest it if you can't afford it. Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 Conehead assumes that the guy will call her for a second date, but how funny would it be if he didnt want to pay because HE knew he wouldnt want a second date....and she didnt have to ignore calls that wont come? Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 I don't need your excuse of anything. I'm doing just fine in the dating realm. Both of my longest relationships started out that way as well. You can bet I'll be married with children by the time I'm 38 though, oh wise one. Only a silly boy would make a statement like that without checking his facts on the person he is saying it to! And the sarcastic wink makes your stupidness even funnier Oh and ps ... with your attitude I would not count your chickens if I was you lol Link to post Share on other sites
DustySaltus Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 When the bill comes on a first date I just grab it and pay as quickly as possible, not even making it an issue. I am a chivalrous guy but if it's ten dates later and you haven't even offered to buy me a cup of coffee, it may be a red flag. Any kind of Awkwardness on a first date usually isn't a good thing. Especially when you start playing the game of "Wallet Chicken".... Link to post Share on other sites
BWLoca Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 I wonder if maybe he took reaching for your purse as a lack of interest, and then awkwardly asked if you wanted to split it. A lot of times if I split the bill, it's because I'm really not all that into the guy. OP, what makes you think the guy was so insincere in asking to split the second bill? Maybe he sensed your annoyance...? Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 I really don't get women sometimes... are you working? are you making your own money... why should the men pay all the time or pay more?????? Why do we (women) has to be the 'submissive' or 'dependant' on the men all the time.. why can't we be financially secure and independant... and treat the guys sometimes... $10 is nothing... if you don,t like the guy.. end it... but if you like him.. I don't see the big deal.. Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 I've always found that a bit of easy discussion well before the check arrives fixes this problem very easily. ie: he/she invites you to chez outragous "It sounds heavenly but I'm afraid it's too rich for my budget at this moment, let's go to Xyz instead" "How much is my half with tip? "Please, at least allow me to chip in for the tip" "You got dinner, please let me get coffee and dessert or movie tickets" Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 What is the big deal about the guy paying? Has chivalry died forever? All this "lets split the tip, you got dinner I get dessert" is Bullsh*t!! A man should pay for the first date ... I am not saying a woman is a useless little thing that needs to be paid for but its the thing to do! I am the furthest thing from cheap, I spend money like water and would think nothing of paying for a £200 meal BUT not on the first date (if you both know you will be dating more) How men could embarress themselves by suggesting a split is beyond me Link to post Share on other sites
ella23 Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 What is the big deal about the guy paying? Has chivalry died forever? All this "lets split the tip, you got dinner I get dessert" is Bullsh*t!! A man should pay for the first date ... I am not saying a woman is a useless little thing that needs to be paid for but its the thing to do! I am the furthest thing from cheap, I spend money like water and would think nothing of paying for a £200 meal BUT not on the first date (if you both know you will be dating more) How men could embarress themselves by suggesting a split is beyond me Why do you think it's wrong to split? Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 Women feel liberated except when it comes to pay their share.... then they bring the 'chivalry' B*S... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rainman760 Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 (edited) I think, in most cases, guys should try to get over the notion about women paying on a first date because gals make their own money or they're more independent now or whatever. Yes it may seem fair 'economically' but who said dating was fair? There are a lot of things involved here; biology, gender roles and deeply ingrained courting rituals to name a few. It's about generosity, chivalry, confidence, and the ability to provide and protect (whether actually needed or not). If you think this is not generally accurate, read on line profiles or LS and read what qualities women are looking for. I'm not arguing the fairness of it, just the way things are. As a guy, why not play within the perceived rules of dating as they exist rather than make it an awkward thing. Pay the bill. If she wants to split the bill, politely say that's not necessary. If she insists, let her. But above all, do NOT make an issue of it! Like I said before, make the first date coffee or something casual just to see if there is a prospect for going further; that way you still get to know each other a bit and no one is taking out a loan for dinner and drinks! And more importantly, not putting out a vibe of imposition or cheapness (big turn off!) Some may not agree with my view, but IMO why hamstring yourself before you even get in the game! Edited January 19, 2010 by Rainman760 Link to post Share on other sites
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