soheartbroken Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 We're all miserable. Almost everyone who goes through this wants to die from the pain at some point. I wish I had laid everything out on the line with my ex. I tried to not be desperate and didn't say all the things I wanted to, and now I don't have the chance. You did what was right for you at the time. You can look back and say you said everything you needed to say, let her know how much you wanted it to work. ****. Now I'm miserable because I didn't chase, didn't say everything I wanted to because I was trying to be "strong"... Link to post Share on other sites
soheartbroken Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Will catch up with you in a bit. Gotta run an errand, even though I don't want to get off the couch today. Link to post Share on other sites
Thebob Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 I realize I held a lot of stuff in when I was talking to her, even when she said something disappointing to me, I would hold it in hoping that she wouldn't leave me for saying something mean. I realized that I should have said something so I wasn't getting run over constantly by her statements and I feel that if I manned up she woulda respected that a lot more. I felt like she was testing me kind of to see how much **** I could take. LIke her dancing on other guys, she had the opportunity to hook up with someone else, and how she wants to get with random guys. I finally blew up in one big message and then she said she respected that and will contact me next summer. So we'll see, I prolly wont see her again, but I hope I do. But NC is the only option right now. Thebob Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted October 31, 2009 Author Share Posted October 31, 2009 i feel so down. i chased her away. **** my. **** my life. Link to post Share on other sites
soheartbroken Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 You won't be stuck feeling like this. The roller coaster will go up and down. You've just got to ride it out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted October 31, 2009 Author Share Posted October 31, 2009 (edited) i feel good one minute (she cheated on me, she treated me like ****, time to move on) and then ill start analyzing again. everything. and then i get down. i start thinking about her body, her mind. think about the things she said to me that contradicted each other. start thinking about my self respect and how i lost it thinking about her with someone else. thinking about me with no one else. its killing me. wtf! Edited October 31, 2009 by McGrupp Link to post Share on other sites
Exit Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 When you're in this type of condition, the last thing you want to hear is a bunch of people saying "I understand". Everyone's situation is different and it's impossible to understand 100%. So I won't claim that I "feel your pain", but I have been through similar. For the last six months I've gone to bed at night hoping over and over in my head that I won't wake up. When my eyes opened in the morning I felt disappointed that life couldn't have just let me fade away. I chased my ex for 5 months, brought her flowers even though I knew she had a boyfriend, wrote her heartfelt letters about how we could fix things. It took a lot of effort not to revert back to my teenage habit of cutting myself. But somehow, I am here today, and not feeling quite so terrible. You DO get better somehow. I didn't want to believe it when people told me I would be okay either, sometimes you just want someone to agree that life sucks. I still miss her so much, the tiniest little irrelevant thing still reminds me of her. I definitely know what it means to feel like you found "the one" and then to watch that person walk away. I try to hang out with friends but it doesn't help. We'll be sitting around hanging out, they'll all be smiling and laughing, I'll have a smile plastered on my face but I'm really sitting there missing my ex. It's a catch 22, because there are other beautiful things in this world worth living for, and I would tell you to seek those things out and keep yourself going, but at the same time, when you find something beautiful, you only feel pain because you no longer have someone to share it with. Another member here said "they weren't THE ONE. If they were the one for you, they would still be here". And it's so true. The woman for me is going to be understanding, she will know how to communicate, she will know how to work on a relationship instead of abandoning it. Bottom line, the one for me will love me and want me as much as I want her, which clearly this girl did not do for me. At least you're still here posting, so that's a good sign. This is a crappy time of year to be single, trust me I know. But winter provides a good backdrop for making some changes to your life. You can hunker down indoors, write out a list of things you want to accomplish, and if you work hard, by the time spring rolls around, you can reach some of these goals. Think about what ELSE would make you happy besides this girl, and start pursuing these things. Link to post Share on other sites
soheartbroken Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Exit has been through a lot. Good person to listen to (although personally, while I don't understand McGrupp's situation, I do understand the pain and negative thoughts). Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted November 1, 2009 Share Posted November 1, 2009 I know exactly how it feels, my ex left me in July after 18 years because I neglected him the last couple of years, he thought I didn't really care anymore, but I did, I just wasn't showing it. We are good friends still but it just prolongs being able to move on. I just know there will never be anyone I will love as deeply as him, all I can see is him finding someone else and me being stuck in the past. I have been in hell since April, when he first said he wasn't sure if he wanted to be with me anymore. I can't switch my thoughts off, it is a constant circle of fear, anger, frustration, hurt, love, hope, despondency, regret. It is a nightmare I can't wake up from, I have suicidal thoughts because I feel there is no escape from this pain, and I want it all to just STOP. Keep talking here, you are NOT alone. Link to post Share on other sites
mickleb Posted November 1, 2009 Share Posted November 1, 2009 Hey McGrupp How was party #2? Any more fun? Partying is fine, to take your mind off things and remind yourself of all the eligible ladies out there just waiting for a man like you (once you've healed up) but take it is easy on the alcohol - it IS a depressant after, all. Are you going to the doctor's tomorrow? How are you finding Sunday morning is going? x Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted November 1, 2009 Share Posted November 1, 2009 (edited) I was trying to change the sentence "I know how it feels" to "I know how heartbreak feels" in my message and it wouldn't let me change it, hence this message! Edited November 1, 2009 by HeavenOrHell Link to post Share on other sites
mickleb Posted November 1, 2009 Share Posted November 1, 2009 Sorry to hear about your pain, HoH. Have you tried any of the options recommended by people in this post? I understand the seriousness of your situation but you do not NEED to be reliant on another person for your happiness. With the right help (and this can include medication) you can find true happiness, leading a fulfilling life, without having a man to validate your life. It could be, that when you achieve this for yourself, you find someone amazing comes along and you can share your happiness with them. You don't have control over his behaviour but you do have options avaiable to you to enable you to control YOUR future. The 'quickest fix', if you like, is anti-drepressants and, once these have helped to stabilise you, a combination of hard work (on yourself, usually with the help of a therapist) and time will see you right. Medication can give you the energy back to do this work. Do you have your own thread so we can support you through this? x Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted November 1, 2009 Share Posted November 1, 2009 Many thanks for your reply, I did post here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t207950/ But it's far too long for anyone to read it. What happened with my and my ex was that I was too independent, I had more of a life than him, I was busier, had more friends and he looked to me for pretty much all his happiness for many years, I was happy when he started part time work after years of depression and happy when he made more friends. When I realised I was going to lose him if I didn't make more time for him/us I pretty much stopped most things in my life as I wanted to make time to try and get our relationship back on track, and now he's gone I feel too depressed to get my life back on track and rebuild it again, although I am trying bit by bit. The problem was him not feeling loved and needed enough by me. I have tried anti depressants but I always get horrendous side effects which just made things worse. I am seeing a Relate therapist. I used to feel upset that I was getting no help on the NHS for my anxiety problems whereas he was getting lots of help for his depression, I was glad he gets that help but it would have been better for our relationship if I could have help too, I now pay someone privately, I have social phobia and mild agoraphobia-but I have always stayed independent and not relied on anyone too much, I just seem to have fallen apart now he's left. My friends seem to have got fed up pretty quickly with me, it feels like I was meant to feel ok after a 6 weeks or something! So I mostly feel I am coping alone with this, well my ex has a group of friends I introduced him to years ago who no longer bother with me, what makes it worse is he used to fancy one of them-when we split up last time-and she has said to me that she cant say for sure that she wouldn't end up with him, she is very self centred but her friends cant see it, although an ex friend of hers said the same thing last week, so it's not just me being bitter! My ex thought he wasn't important to me, but he was the centre of my life when it came down to it, aren't most couples the centre of each others's life? As long as you have a healthy balance of other interests and friends of course. Many thanks for your support. Sorry to hear about your pain, HoH. Have you tried any of the options recommended by people in this post? I understand the seriousness of your situation but you do not NEED to be reliant on another person for your happiness. With the right help (and this can include medication) you can find true happiness, leading a fulfilling life, without having a man to validate your life. It could be, that when you achieve this for yourself, you find someone amazing comes along and you can share your happiness with them. You don't have control over his behaviour but you do have options avaiable to you to enable you to control YOUR future. The 'quickest fix', if you like, is anti-drepressants and, once these have helped to stabilise you, a combination of hard work (on yourself, usually with the help of a therapist) and time will see you right. Medication can give you the energy back to do this work. Do you have your own thread so we can support you through this? x Link to post Share on other sites
Limbo21 Posted November 1, 2009 Share Posted November 1, 2009 You need to start your own thread about this HoH. I'd talk to you as I suffer from agrophobia and depression. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted November 1, 2009 Share Posted November 1, 2009 I have a message here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t207950/ Do you mean start another one in the Coping forum? I'm sorry for hijacking the OP's thread, forgive me You need to start your own thread about this HoH. I'd talk to you as I suffer from agrophobia and depression. Link to post Share on other sites
Limbo21 Posted November 1, 2009 Share Posted November 1, 2009 Wow it's a long one (said the vicar) I'll read and post on that one. And don't apologise- I just thought you deserved your own thread Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 1, 2009 Author Share Posted November 1, 2009 (edited) last nights party was way more fun. hung out with a lot of friends. was very depressed this morning. my buddy gave me a pep talk. said i was better then her. really. and i took her back after she cheated. why? i had no self esteem. it was all wrapped up in her. **** that. its going to be a cold lonely winter. but i ill be okay. i did text her last night. first was "i screwed up - ill love you forever" eesh then i texted later " i miss you. thanks for being a bitch. i appreciate that" or something like that. to which she responded "im not being a bitch. please stop." and then "you didnt screw up anything" ....lame i dont know why i broke NC. whatever. im done. Edited November 1, 2009 by McGrupp Link to post Share on other sites
JaggedRoad Posted November 1, 2009 Share Posted November 1, 2009 You really need to stop contacting her. Link to post Share on other sites
AliveAndKicking Posted November 1, 2009 Share Posted November 1, 2009 its going to be a cold lonely winter. but i ill be okay. Yes it is but we'll ALL get through it together. You nailed it when you said "I'll be okay"! You are absolutely right! It's gonna hurt, it's gonna suck, we're gonna cry, we're gonna pace, we're gonna climb the walls at time, but we'll be OKAY. You're not alone. And this WILL pass. ___________________ If you or anyone else has thoughts of suicide that persist and you need someone to talk to here is a listing of FREE hotlines you can call any time free of charge fron anywhere in the US: http://suicidehotlines.com/ _____________________ Hang in there- it gets better. I promise! Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 1, 2009 Author Share Posted November 1, 2009 i wonder if acceptance is close. my depression is bad right now. i blame myself inteirely for the breakup. i wonder when will that end Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 1, 2009 Share Posted November 1, 2009 IDK. For me, anger came before acceptance. Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyDaze Posted November 2, 2009 Share Posted November 2, 2009 McGrupp, Please stop contacting her. You are only prolonging your pain. We all don't want you to keep torturing yourself like this and breaking NC is what does it. Breathe in and breathe out and start over. You are only human...we all are. So we do understand the desire to want to contact the person you still have deep feelings for. Just please delete her number from your phone and don't text her again. You will feel a lot stronger in time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 2, 2009 Author Share Posted November 2, 2009 i know. i hate myself. i cant stop. something is wrong with me. she hates me now. i know that for sure. best thing in my life ......... gone because im a pyscho and insecure and i broke NC about 15 times since the breakup. i do have a problem. i will never see her again. i called her a bitch for the 2nd time. ugh, whats wrong with me? seriously i have a problem. im like a little kid. i havent taken any high road whatsoever. she is gone and it is all my fault. even my family when i tell them everything is like yes its your fault move on. but how can I? i do want to end it when i think about my mistakes and how i lost her. Link to post Share on other sites
AliveAndKicking Posted November 2, 2009 Share Posted November 2, 2009 Right now would be a great time to take just one of the many suggestions made to you by the members. Perhaps STOP CONTACTING her would be a great start. What do you think? If you keep doing what you are doing you will keep getting what you are getting. Would you like to stop feeling so badly? If so then YOU have to take charge of yourself, your actions, right now. You have what it takes to do what. You just have to decide to do it. Don't look at it as a long-term choice- just decide to stop contacting her for one day. Take baby steps. The thing is, friend, is that YOU have to take the steps. No one here is going to post something that makes your pain go away. If there was something someone could say, if there was something you could read that would make the pain stop, we ALL would read it and feel better. YOU have to take action and right now the best thing you can do is to stop torturing yourself by contacting her. You are re-injuring yourself regularly, you are telling yourself negative things about yourself, and yet you wonder why your pain had not ceased or diminished? C'mon, man, be for real. We are all here to listen, to offer our experiences, and to support you, but no one can support inaction. It is time to step up and participate in your healing. I hope you will make the decision to become part of your solution. Take charge of your actions and we will all support you! Now take the first step and we'll ALL hold your hand okay? Okay! Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 2, 2009 Author Share Posted November 2, 2009 i agree. im weak. im lame. i lost her. NC mocks me ill find something new as this which was once great i destroyed. Link to post Share on other sites
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