Ms. Joolie Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 oh i have been talking to randoms. first i talk to customers about it if it gets there. everyone at work knows. all my friends are ****ing well aware. i told you about the bar the other night where my one friend had people lining up to hug me. i talk to friends far away on the phone about it. if anything im tired of talking about it. but i cant stop. my best friend who i go to the bar with all the time, said hes going to start charging me (a joke). man this sucks so much. im in so much hurt. i put myself here and i dwell and i cant keep busy. No, no.... not random talk... sporatic random talk... that is no good. It has to be as instructed above. sigh.. And hey... I understand. I think about my ex all the time... that's why I'm here at Love Shack. I confess! Instead of thinking about him so much at work I distract myself with Love Shack now! Silly! It hurts less and less though. I do have a new view of it all, I'm doing what I need to do, and I'm moving forward... which is key. Link to post Share on other sites
mickleb Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 I feel you pain for two reasons, Grupp. Firstly, like everyone else here, I have been there. Secondly, I know what it's like to do those long, lonely shopwork shifts. UGH. What a combination! I think that's why I keep banging on about the books. They will be a productive use of this endless-seeming time you're dealing with. There are a lot of wishy-washy books out there but the two I've mentioned are GOOD. Guys quite like No More Mr Nice Guy for the 'manning-up' process, too. You're doing ok. You're just in a stuck in a pretty sh*t situation (environmentally) to get your mind off it and you feel trapped by that. But - you've got options... x Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted October 30, 2009 Author Share Posted October 30, 2009 No, no.... not random talk... sporatic random talk... that is no good. It has to be as instructed above. sigh..i dont understand what you mean. . if i didnt break i would be at 30 days. now im at 5. lame Link to post Share on other sites
Thebob Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 This forums is making me feel gay, it's so mushy mushy mushy.... Man up again mcgrupp, the end.... Thebob Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted October 30, 2009 Author Share Posted October 30, 2009 This forums is making me feel gay i think there is a forum in here for that too Link to post Share on other sites
mickleb Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 Have a good shift, McGrupp. Hope your party ROCKS. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted October 30, 2009 Author Share Posted October 30, 2009 thanks going as a "chick magnet" :/ Link to post Share on other sites
bloggervenus Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 I have 3 words for you my dear: Therapy, Anti-depressants, Exercise You are not in a normal state. You think it is just grief, but it is actually depression. You need a boost to get out of this state. I have been there. I would wake up crying and would go to bed crying. I didn't see any value or any joy in anything in life just because the one person that I loved was not in my life. I totally understand you. This is not something you can cure by thinking, contemplating, analyzing, crying, talking to friends, or any of that. Just do yourself one favor. See a doctor and get some any depressants. Believe me, I was really against them too, but they helped me tremendously and only when I got out of depression I realized how depressed I was! Also, ask a good friend to just help you in this tough time by taking you to the gym no matter what. Just take you kicking and screaming, yank you out of bed even if he has to use force. Just ask your friend to make you exercise three times a week (I suggest you start playing squash. It helped me very much). I am 100% sure you will feel differently in two weeks. Finally, let me tell you one last thing. You do care. If you did not care, you would not be posting here. So, all hope is not lost. There is that little boy inside you who still wants to be alive, to laugh and play, to hope and dream, and to love and be loved. So honor that little boy and do it for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted October 30, 2009 Author Share Posted October 30, 2009 (edited) how do i make this pain go away? honestly thats all i want. i dont care about anything else. i just want to be free again to live my life without thinking about her every ****ing second. and i know no one has an answer. whatever. maybe ill just float around awhile. Edited October 30, 2009 by McGrupp Link to post Share on other sites
Thebob Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 how do i make this pain go away? honestly thats all i want. i dont care about anything else. i just want to be free again to live my life without thinking about her every ****ing second. and i know no one has an answer. whatever. maybe ill just float around awhile. TIME MAN TIME, that is the only cure... It will take months and months, MAN UP. there are so many other people on this forum goin through way worse than you. Like marriages for 20 years then caught cheating on them, so come on, stop bein a girl. Thebob Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted October 30, 2009 Author Share Posted October 30, 2009 i guess your right. i guess your right. im just super, super bored here at work. again by myself. sitting here dwelling. refreshing. waiting for an answer. wishing i could see her. wishing i did everything ****ing different. but your right. Link to post Share on other sites
Thebob Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 Ima start calling you a girl everytime you start getting mushy so you can grow some balls back. Thebob Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted October 31, 2009 Author Share Posted October 31, 2009 whatver man i do have the suicide **** keep popping in though. however mushy that sounds. just tried to call my mom and she basically said get over it. sweet. Link to post Share on other sites
bloggervenus Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Just see a doctor. I am speaking from experience. Obsessive thinking about someone is a desease and there are cures for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted October 31, 2009 Author Share Posted October 31, 2009 (edited) i will. maybe monday. insurance is giving me a hassle. your right though. she doesnt deserve my life. she deserves well i dont know. maybe a slap to the face. Edited October 31, 2009 by McGrupp Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 how do i make this pain go away? The Answer: I have 3 words for you my dear: Therapy, Anti-depressants, Exercise You are not in a normal state. You think it is just grief, but it is actually depression. You need a boost to get out of this state. This is not something you can cure by thinking, contemplating, analyzing, crying, talking to friends, or any of that. Just do yourself one favor. See a doctor and get some any depressants. Believe me, I was really against them too, but they helped me tremendously and only when I got out of depression I realized how depressed I was! Link to post Share on other sites
soheartbroken Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Hey McGrupp. I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for continually posting on this thread, and for putting into words the agonizing minute by minute HELL that some of us have gone through. It really validates my own experience. I could have written this a few weeks ago (but having people tell me to stop the "pity-party" kinda dissuaded me). Everything you write, I have been there. It's scary. I know how unbearable the pain is, how bad the thoughts can get. It is dark. The fact that you are posting though, tells me that you're a survivor. If you're still getting to work and posting on this forum, and talking to anyone who will listen, you're gonna make it. Link to post Share on other sites
mickleb Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Yup. You have options, Grupp. If you want to get yourself out of the pain, take them. Now. How was that party? Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted October 31, 2009 Author Share Posted October 31, 2009 party was ok. i tried to hook up with a girl, and she said "sometimes life is hard" i said why did you say that? she said my sister told me what your going through. and then it turned into a therapy session at 5am. at work now. slept maybe 1 hour. got anothe rparty tonight. my depression right now is deep. i shouldve just gone to a friends and chilled. i over did it with the booze. i mean i had fun. was dancing. flirting. my sister who is going through a breakup also was like "my breakup is way worse" well she still is on the phone with her bf. mine wont even speak to me like an equal. depression is getting worst. i have thoughts that im better off, that she treated me like **** for awhile, that a lot of people love me and they never loved me because she was in my life. people that love me that have never even met her. so its a self esteem problem right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted October 31, 2009 Author Share Posted October 31, 2009 i am really having trouble dealing. this is bad. i feel really really ****ty. i dont know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted October 31, 2009 Author Share Posted October 31, 2009 i think im going to end it soon. this cant go on much longer. im scared and in pain Link to post Share on other sites
soheartbroken Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 The mornings are going to be really bad. I know how bad and scary it is. Do you have the anti-anxiety stuff to take? Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted October 31, 2009 Author Share Posted October 31, 2009 (edited) i dont want to take anything cause ill prolly pass out feeling a little better. i miss her. but maybe this is all for the best. even if it isnt there is no other way to look at it. its done. i have to accept and move on. Edited October 31, 2009 by McGrupp Link to post Share on other sites
soheartbroken Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 All I know is that the intensity of your pain cannot last forever. Accepting it and moving on will come at its own pace. It's been over 3 months for me and I haven't fully accepted it yet (I still think, what if many years from now...). Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted October 31, 2009 Author Share Posted October 31, 2009 i want to end it i feel like. i chased her away and made every mistake. im ****ing miserable. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts