You're being financially responsible but she thinks you're being stingy

[Gerhard]

Since she made a threat about the vacation being tied to money, I would cancel the vacation. Problem solved. You're going to need the money anyway for the divorce.

I'll have a heart to heart chat with her. If she puts up resistance or is unhappy with the amount of $$$ I am planning on giving her, then the vacation is off. She has complained that we shouldn't spend the money on vacation, but that I should either give the money to her or send it to her family in the Philippines.

 

We've talked about taking separate vacations, as she prefers a different style of travel than me. But she'll be very upset if I go off on my own. Perhaps fodder for another thread.

[SarahRose]

I'll have a heart to heart chat with her. If she puts up resistance or is unhappy with the amount of $$$ I am planning on giving her, then the vacation is off. She has complained that we shouldn't spend the money on vacation, but that I should either give the money to her or send it to her family in the Philippines.

 

We've talked about taking separate vacations, as she prefers a different style of travel than me. But she'll be very upset if I go off on my own. Perhaps fodder for another thread.

 

 

Good grief, she's Flip even. They are the worst of the worst. Seriously was this some online relationship that you went over to see her etc.?

 

How many times did you see this girl face to face in person and for how long each time before you married her?

 

I have a male friend who has been taken by 3 of these leeches. He still hasn't learned his lesson. He found out the first two were married with kids back in the Phillipines. The last one was a religious freak with constant drama, a real mental case.

[Angel1111]

See? Selfishness through and through. YOU are the one bringing home the money, but SHE refuses to allow the TWO OF YOU to enjoy it together by going on a vacation. She would rather you stay at the office and slave away for her benefit and just hand her cash.

 

I'm starting to think that he must enjoy the power plays between them. Otherwise, he wouldn't put up with this stuff because this marriage is a joke.

[sally4sara]

Good questions. I didn't spend lots of money on her prior to us getting married. She was in a different country and even when I visited with her, I didn't give her large sums of money. I merely paid for our expenses. On more than one occasion, she said she was a "simple girl" and didn't need fancy things.

 

 

Both my financial situation and my maturity with respect to handling finances were much different when I was with my first wife than either are now. But my wife doesn't understand this and thinks if I bought my first wife a $30,000 car, $5,000 diamond earrings or a $800 handbag, then she's entitled to the same. But she can't explain how we can cause money to grow from trees.

 

Have you ever thought that she married you thinking she would just naturally get these things if she married you? Have you ever considered that she may just have believed these things were normal and that was part of why she chose to marry you?

 

I don't take part of my household income and send it to my family. Why does she do this? Did she possibly marry you for this purpose?

[2sunny]

just because she is married to you doesn't make you obligated to send HER family money. tell her no.

 

tell her if she wants to send them money to earn it herself - spend a certain amount supporting the household you have together - spend some on these things she demands from you - and send the rest to her family. if all of this is such a big priority for her - SHE can be the one to figure out how to earn it herself and make it happen ..... if that is what she wants.

 

otherwise it looks like she is just _horing herself out to you for a free ride for herself and her family.

[threebyfate]

Before we get too far into the foreign gold-digger routine, there`s a little more to this that everyone has forgotten. She`s jealous of his Gerhard`s ex-wife, in that she wants to throw out her things. That`s not standard gold-digger. It`s also standard Filipino culture, to share your personal largess with family. We meet many Filipinos who work the cruise lines, where I live. They`re all young and send much of their income to their family.

 

But I do agree that there`s a serious misconception about rich Americans and it sounds like Gerhard`s wife has bought into this misconception, with both hands out.

[sally4sara]

Before we get too far into the foreign gold-digger routine, there`s a little more to this that everyone has forgotten. She`s jealous of his Gerhard`s ex-wife, in that she wants to throw out her things. That`s not standard gold-digger. It`s also standard Filipino culture, to share your personal largess with family. We meet many Filipinos who work the cruise lines, where I live. They`re all young and send much of their income to their family.

 

But I do agree that there`s a serious misconception about rich Americans and it sounds like Gerhard`s wife has bought into this misconception, with both hands out.

 

I'm suggesting she assumed the things she wants to be normal and just figures he is holding out on her but did give these things to his wife.

She can feel jealous of that just as easy as she can feel jealous of love.

 

Maybe to her that IS love.

[2sunny]

Before we get too far into the foreign gold-digger routine, there`s a little more to this that everyone has forgotten. She`s jealous of his Gerhard`s ex-wife, in that she wants to throw out her things. That`s not standard gold-digger. It`s also standard Filipino culture, to share your personal largess with family. We meet many Filipinos who work the cruise lines, where I live. They`re all young and send much of their income to their family.

 

But I do agree that there`s a serious misconception about rich Americans and it sounds like Gerhard`s wife has bought into this misconception, with both hands out.

 

still doesn't mean that his W can't go get all the things she wants from him... she can do this herself... including sending money to her family.

[SarahRose]

Before we get too far into the foreign gold-digger routine, there`s a little more to this that everyone has forgotten. She`s jealous of his Gerhard`s ex-wife, in that she wants to throw out her things. That`s not standard gold-digger. It`s also standard Filipino culture, to share your personal largess with family. We meet many Filipinos who work the cruise lines, where I live. They`re all young and send much of their income to their family.

 

But I do agree that there`s a serious misconception about rich Americans and it sounds like Gerhard`s wife has bought into this misconception, with both hands out.

 

I understand how the Flips work. They do their best to get out of their country any way they can through marriage or work visas as nannys, farm hands, or whatever.

 

They will send money back to their families which may include undisclosed spouses and kids. As soon as they get their Permanent residency in the gold country of choice; US, Canada, Australia, UK, they start bringing all their family over.

 

I don't think she is upset so much about the exs things being there as much as SHE is not getting all the luxuries the 1st wife got. She has made that very clear. She wants the luxuries.

 

Anyway, why does the OP still have anything of the 1st wife? He should throw things out.

[Angel1111]

still doesn't mean that his W can't go get all the things she wants from him... she can do this herself... including sending money to her family.

 

Right. Because she's showing incredible disrespect for her husband when she ignores his explanations. And then she resorts to threats and manipulation in order to get her way. Charming.

[sally4sara]

I understand how the Flips work......

 

I doubt it is based on her nationality as what is being discussed here isn't genetic commonalities based on geography, but rather the set of values and priorities within her family.

[mem11363]

G,

- Your wife is super aggressive with you about her financial demands

- She basically refuses to work and wraps her laziness in the claim she is "changing careers".

 

So she is the entirety of the problem and refuses to be part of the solution. She is now getting even MORE aggressive with you about money issues.

 

How much would she be entitled to in a divorce?

 

 

As she's not working, I give her spending money from time to time. She's free to send it to her family if she wants, but that doesn't mean the amount I'm going to give her will change.

 

I'm just wondering what's the best approach, as I don't want for us to get into a pissing match while on our vacation. Have a heart to heart discussion about the money issue before going? Or simply tell her I'll give her some money when we go and close the discussion then - as she repeatedly bugs me for money.

[2sunny]

How much would she be entitled to in a divorce?

 

depending upon the laws of his state. if a W gets money - she usually gets more in a divorce if she isn't earning any money or earns less than the H. there may be a big reason for her to delay earning money... and staying married long enough earning no money - she gets more in a divorce settlement.

 

G - did she sign a prenup?

[WalkInThePark]

I don't think the problem is her culture. I think this woman is a nutcase. And I think Gerhard is stupid to stay with her.

[nowomanocry]

I fought this battle and lost after my children were born. My ex was a stay at home mom.. I brought home the income Due to the nature of my business I brought home enough 9 months out of 10 and ten times what was needed three months a year. Sounds great eh? I took the cowards way out. I allowed her to handle the finances.

 

We were always near broke. The only thing that I remember vividly is bringing home a $5000 bonus one Sept. Going to work a day later and coming home to a 3,000 Ethan Allen dining table sitting in our "formal dining nook". I controled my anger not my astonishment. Luckily the kids were tiny, we all fit (sort of) if you put the leaves in it extended 4 feet into the living room. I suppose it was a good investment. She still has it.

 

Nobody accused me of being stingy. I had $20.00 spending money, she controlled the rest. No credit cards for me either back then (30 years ago).

 

On divorce day she wiped me out. Left me with $334.00, and an overdrawn checking account.

 

I won't make that mistake again. Never.

 

LMAO welcome to the Club mate ! I had a similar experience with my ex but you seem to be quite ripped off by her big time lol... Mine compromised of some plane tickets and shopping, and managed to give her some fake branded clothing, jewellery etc. (I am very happy now I did) + When I left hers I left couple of t-shirts, jogging bottoms, sneakers and my automatic toothbrush lol.

 

My question here would be 10 stories I read out of 10 is about men ripped off by women after a relationship - anyone ever heard the contrary ? I mean a male financially bankrupting a female? So why are we falling into the same trap over and over again?

 

My solution is move on into a new life, get rid of her in your mind, with the 5 grand you get as bonus here you can call hookers to your place every night and you will not have to sleep with the same woman everynight (like eating Mc Do's every night) - all taxes, transportation, tips included lol. You can even start up your own Hareem! Furthermore, you will not have to worry about things like birth control, pills and bills and St Vals day or Xmas or woteva day prezzies and stuff

 

Good luck

[nowomanocry]

Donna

 

where were you for all this life time hun (that she used to say in our good days before she saw the light I think and most probably found another cow to milk) lmao

 

Anyways from the looks of it, seems wot we lived thru was a great experience for us eh?

 

Take great care

[threebyfate]

If you don't want a substantial alimony payment, keep pushing her to get a job. I would restrict her money flow to solely household expenditures, with very minimal amounts for personal spending. This way, she has to find another avenue for supporting her spending habits.

 

The good parts are that you haven't been married long and if I'm correct, have no children.

 

The most questionable aspects of this are immigration, citizenship and green card. If this marriage has been a short-term one, how is it that she's here full-time and also, able to work? Bringing in a foreign bride takes years.

[nowomanocry]

Yes, the experience taught me a few things. But I won't let that experience make me bitter toward all men. They're not all alike, just as women aren't either.

 

You take care too. Great song, by the way (your screen name). I used to be in a reggae band.

 

Donna thanks lol

 

What did you play in the band? let me guess... Guitar?

 

Have a great week-end

[nowomanocry]

If you don't want a substantial alimony payment, keep pushing her to get a job. I would restrict her money flow to solely household expenditures, with very minimal amounts for personal spending. This way, she has to find another avenue for supporting her spending habits.

 

The good parts are that you haven't been married long and if I'm correct, have no children.

 

The most questionable aspects of this are immigration, citizenship and green card. If this marriage has been a short-term one, how is it that she's here full-time and also, able to work? Bringing in a foreign bride takes years.

 

No way mate

 

If I were in his shoes I would immediately dump her and find someone with no baggage (but I can imagine what is making him keep her though)

[nowomanocry]

You need to enable your private messages.

 

As for Gerhard and his situation, all women aren't like this. If you'll notice, most of the women on LS hate women who are only in a R for the almighty $$$. It gives the rest of us a bad name.

 

Soz Donna, realised but was too late lol - how do I enable private msgs?

 

Of course, this can never be generalised for all women

 

Cheers

[nowomanocry]

Click on profile/cp in the upper left corner of the screen, then to "edit options." If you don't find an option to "enable private messages," you might have to wait awhile or get to 100 posts or whatever.

 

Cheers Donna

 

;)

[Neutrino]

Let's say you're the primary breadwinner in the household and are the one who is better with numbers when it comes to balancing the budget. Your spouse wants certain things that cost money, but you can't justify the expense of them because buying these things would cause you to exceed your monthly budget. It might be some fancy jewelry; It might be a trip to Cancun; It might be a shopping spree at Nordstrom; But you know the budget and you know it wouldn't be wise to take on these expenses. You explain this to your spouse, but she gets angry with you and insists that the problem is with you being stingy, cheap and inconsiderate.

 

I've had friends tell me they've dealt with this and now I'm dealing with it. I'm curious how others deal with it.

 

Tell the princess to get a job - she sounds like someone who never worked in her life - and therefore does not understand the value of money...

 

Before she even says anything - she has to learn to balance the budget, if she can cut back expenses on other things (not food or bills) to allow more luxury (that you also enjoy) let her.

 

I'd have the stingy over the spender any day.

[Neutrino]

LMAO welcome to the Club mate ! I had a similar experience with my ex but you seem to be quite ripped off by her big time lol... Mine compromised of some plane tickets and shopping, and managed to give her some fake branded clothing, jewellery etc. (I am very happy now I did) + When I left hers I left couple of t-shirts, jogging bottoms, sneakers and my automatic toothbrush lol.

 

My question here would be 10 stories I read out of 10 is about men ripped off by women after a relationship - anyone ever heard the contrary ? I mean a male financially bankrupting a female? So why are we falling into the same trap over and over again?

 

My solution is move on into a new life, get rid of her in your mind, with the 5 grand you get as bonus here you can call hookers to your place every night and you will not have to sleep with the same woman everynight (like eating Mc Do's every night) - all taxes, transportation, tips included lol. You can even start up your own Hareem! Furthermore, you will not have to worry about things like birth control, pills and bills and St Vals day or Xmas or woteva day prezzies and stuff

 

Good luck

 

LOL !!!! Why spend on hookers with all the dangers involved... ? A bottle of lotion would be much cheaper, cleaner and safer (you can also use a different one every night...) AND all the advantages you named in the last 2 lines !!

 

[DolceVenganza]

This is a point that raises my blood pressure.

 

A husband or man or bf or father is expected to be the breadwinner or at least complementary breadwinner.

 

They are expected to handle the finances, because in many cases, women do not want to.

 

Many times men are derided for being IRRESPONSIBLE, and I have met quite a many of them, which puts the family in a precarious position that could require the loss of a house, the wife having to work, lack of retirement funds, freedom, or educational funding.

 

And yet, here's a man who is watching out for the financial health and well-being of his family?

 

Such a situation has no long-term viability, as you will be constantly correcting her and redirecting her back to the focus: long-term savings, freedom, and the fact a relationship is you two, not the things you buy or pay to do.

 

A single woman in the US, as she ages, will find less and less financial freedom unless she has a fantastic career. Other than that, she was probably a parasite on her family's finances, on boyfriends finances, and on her husbands' finances.

 

I have nothing but disdain and digust for HM, money grubbing whores. And that's what such women are, indisclosed whores, perhaps more so than straight street-walkers because they expect ALOT more in exchange for ALOT less.

 

------------------------

 

Alot of this stems from the fact that MOST girls have not been raised properly. They have done little work. Not saved. Been raised on much. Given a ton. Owe nothing to no one. Had college paid for. Dated or befriended men who paid their way through alot of social events, and generally got by on her Sex and Sexuality.

 

Rewind time several decades and you will see WHY feminism sprung up and HOW the whole system was perverted to exploit our current society, men, and take advantage of women's unique competitive advantage, sex and looks. Those early women and pioneers would be aghast at the monsters alive today who behave as they do and treat their young as they do.

[nowomanocry]

LOL !!!! Why spend on hookers with all the dangers involved... ? A bottle of lotion would be much cheaper, cleaner and safer (you can also use a different one every night...) AND all the advantages you named in the last 2 lines !!

 

 

Well I am very loyal to her (my hooker) - I tell that to her as well and she laughs her azz off

 

You know wot Neutrino, she is not doing it for fun, she has to make a living and feed her family, and when looking at my relationship with my ex she has more values in life than my ex does

 

She's very clean, polite, and fun, giggles all the time (such a natural giggle), really quality the way she walks and talks, happy to please, can be happy with a box of chocolate and a shot of whiskey (I all do this on top) and always make sure I give a good tip. A couple of weeks before I even drove her home just to be out taking some fresh air and talking to a woman who does not have any reason whatsoever to drain me financially and emotionally. She was a great chatter! I enjoyed every moment of it. Do not be surprised if I start a thread and introduce her as my new girlfriend lmao