It's over; need some hand-holding....

[whichwayisup]

She did NOT end it, HE DID !!!!!!! Re-read her post.

 

Who cares? She knew it was coming to an end reguardless of who actually said the words..She's seen the writing on the wall for a while now. Atleast she's accepted it and actually feels OK and at peace, relieved it's over. Why beat up on her when the A is over and she is trying to grieve and heal now.

[ForumFool]

Hey (((Misty))) so sorry you are hurting. I am with Owl I bet some of those friends and family will come back once this behavior is over 100% ...I feel ice has some points as to ending this totally, thus only deal with objects like the discs by mail...no calls nothing....I am sad for your grief but happy he ended it because one of you did need to cut this..its been toxic. Holding your cyber hand and feeling your sorrow..BTW YOU WILL find someone else who will love you for you...and they will be single thus no more drama...Things WILL look up

[icepop]

who are u , her father? This has to be the worst post I have read in a while. Arrogant, You say your not biiter? YOu have pure hatred in your heart, and you try to cover it up with fluff, not working well, your hatred is shinning through...

 

Hey mino..if you want to insult me...at least learn to spell..truth hurts you though

[Lyssa]

 

Spelling police, anyone?

 

Misty, hope you're doing better today!

 

[[[hugs]]]

[icepop]

Who cares? She knew it was coming to an end reguardless of who actually said the words..She's seen the writing on the wall for a while now. Atleast she's accepted it and actually feels OK and at peace, relieved it's over. Why beat up on her when the A is over and she is trying to grieve and heal now.

 

 

Accuracy counts. I was reminding the author of the statement, not Misty. She didn't say it.

[icepop]

 

Spelling police, anyone?

 

Misty, hope you're doing better today!

 

[[[hugs]]]

 

Thanks, M'am...just the facts.

 

Sgt. Friday...

[MistyK]

It was a really rough night. I went over there as planned and retieved my discs, but as I was afraid would happen, he came back early and asked me to "talk". He completely backtracked on not wanting me in his life, but I told him I really needed to break it off with him anyway for my own reasons, which I had already explained at length the nught before

 

He ended up crying and telling me almost verbatim the same things he told me the last time I tried to leave: "I'm so sorry, I know I've handled this whole thing badly, I know I haven't been good to you, I know I've hurt you, Please trust that I'll make this right, I don't want to lose you and don't know how to go on without you, etc." He admitted that even today, He STILL WANTS IT BOTH WAYS. He said that the fact that i no longer wanted to honor his request about having lunch with the male co-worker showed him how far away from him I've gotten. When all of that sympathy inducing stuff didn't change my mind about the course of action, he got all defensive - saying that his therapist believes he's handled all this ok, why do I have such a problem with it, his therapist supposedly thinks that I should just chill out, blah, blah. I really didn't say much; I believe I've said all I have to say to him.

 

Though it still made me cry, I realized how meaningless all his apologies are becuase I've heard the EXACT same speech so many times before. He asked me to sleep over (no sexual contact implied), but I stuck to my guns, told him Goodbye and left. (Last time I caved, slept over and things went back to business as usual.)

 

Interestingly, he said he talked to his secretary, his mother, and his sister, earlier in the day and I gather he didn't get much sympathy from them because they know how he's thrown me under the bus to have it both ways. It's like he's desperately looking for validation that he didn't screw this up, but of course, he isn't getting it.

 

Again, he agreed to not contact me because I told him that I know things will just continue the same way and I will hate him for it. I said that I am tired of being mad all the time (for the way he's mishandling things and treating all of us) and that I've already grown to start to hate him, and I resent the hell out of his indignation that I'm not interested in maintaining exlcusivity with someone who consistently shows they aren't willing to return it. I said I'd rather not have you in my life at all than hate you and he seems scared enough of that to leave me alone for now. I know I did the right thing, and I have no reason to have any further contact with him, so knowing that I won't see or speak to him again is just still very painful.

 

I went through my desk yesterday too and found a couple old cards - one from my birthday and one from Christmas. They should have evoked happy thoughts, but instead I was reminded that I was alone on Christmas because of his cake-eating ways. My birthday was no better - he asked me what restarant I wanted to go to and I told him, but on the way we passed anothe rplace and he pushed to eat there because it was closer and he could get home sooner (he was still living at home with the W). He rushed through dinner, which was kind of awful food too, and spent the entire time looking at his phone becuase he knew his W was about to bust him for not being where he said he was (and she did). Not exactly what I'd hoped. Anyway, just more bad memories to remind me why I have to stick to my guns this time.

[Lyssa]

Misty,

 

I'm proud of you for not caving in. That was really strong of you. I think he mentioned about talking to his secretary, sister and mother because he'd think that you'd give him another chance... and I'm glad you didn't fall for that.

 

The birthday dinner, that was rude of him!

 

From experience, it helped me get through a break up easier when there's hate for that person. You'll get through this, Misty.

 

[[[hugs]]]

[MistyK]

Lyssa,

I am mad at myself for talking to him last night at all, but in some ways it was good because seeing his pseudo-apology again strengthened my resolve. I stopped crying and felt almost like I was floating above myself for a moment. In detachment, I looked and saw it was bullsh*t. I believe he's sorry, but what he is most sorry about is that I won't let him have it both ways anymore. He just isn't willing to DO anything other than issue empty promises about how he'll change things.

 

Still, it's so sick because I will still miss him like crazy. Part of me hopes that he'll come looking for me 6 months from now with divorce decree in hand, enmeshement with his W cordoned off by decent boundaries, and a resolve matched by action to treat me better. The other part hopes he does that, and that by then I won't care anymore.

[Lyssa]

Lyssa,

I am mad at myself for talking to him last night at all, but in some ways it was good because seeing his pseudo-apology again strengthened my resolve. I stopped crying and felt almost like I was floating above myself for a moment. In detachment, I looked and saw it was bullsh*t. I believe he's sorry, but what he is most sorry about is that I won't let him have it both ways anymore. He just isn't willing to DO anything other than issue empty promises about how he'll change things.

 

Still, it's so sick because I will still miss him like crazy. Part of me hopes that he'll come looking for me 6 months from now with divorce decree in hand, enmeshement with his W cordoned off by decent boundaries, and a resolve matched by action to treat me better. The other part hopes he does that, and that by then I won't care anymore.

 

You shouldn't be mad at yourself, he came back knowing that you'd be there. He probably planned it from the beginning. You can tell that he was begging you to come back because he still wants it both ways. The thing is, even if he did say all that - it would be nothing without him taking actions on them.

 

You will miss him, there is no doubt about that part there but you will also get over him in due time. Yeah, it's usually a little too late when someone takes action and you better let him know that when/if that happens.

[MistyK]

Something else too - towards the end of the conversation, his W called several times. (she does this every day and it's ALWAYS nonsense, to verify he's home, etc). The last call he picked up the phone - which, admittedly annoyed me and proved my point about how he talks about but will not actually change anything about how I get prioritized. What struck me though was that she was calling because she noticed he seemed very depressed yesterday and was worried about him. All I could think is that she still loves him and he will not give her the courtesy of the truth, the courtesy to let her go and move on with her life when he doesn't want to really be with her (he just wants to stay married) because it's more important for him to have it both ways. It made me mad for her sake and for myself I thought that it proves how far he's willing to stomp on people he claims to love to have it both ways.

[fooled once]

Oh Misty ((hug))

 

I am proud of you for not caving.

 

BABY STEPS right now.

 

You did good - you really did.

 

I am sorta glad the cards evoked less than happy memories for you because it will be the help you need in sticking to your guns.

 

And, because I am smug, YOU did END IT this time!

 

GOOD FOR YOU!

 

Hang in there; hurt and grieve, just don't turn to him because as you know, nothing will change.

 

((hhuugg))

[fooled once]

One other thing Misty -- you had mentioned age in a few posts ago... how old are you and how old is he?

[MistyK]

One other thing Misty -- you had mentioned age in a few posts ago... how old are you and how old is he?

 

I'm 29 and he's 45. I will be alone, and a wreck for my 30th birthday, which is soon. MM was supposed to take me to Vegas for a long weekend. But I doubt that would have come to fruition anyway because he's still so enmeshed with the W - god forbid he be more than a few miles away in case she needs him for some invented crisis. Sigh.

 

He was always bothered by how other people might see our age difference. Most of my friends are in their 40's, it's just and age group I have more in common with and feel more comfortable with. Still, he was self-conscious about it and I think part of why he feels threatened by the co-worker is that he's younger than MM, though not by much (he's 40).

[Mino]

Hey mino..if you want to insult me...at least learn to spell..truth hurts you though

So Sorry about my spelling, dont use spellcheck:rolleyes:, and English is my second language, but I think its good enough to get my point across, don't you think? And by the way, I am not here to insult you, but you can say what you need to a bit nicer. And no truth does not hurt, I welcome it;)

[PhoenixRise]

Misty

 

I am sorry you had such a difficult night but I am glad to see you came out of it like a champ.

 

MM set you up. He came back early on purpose. You say he is very passive but he sounds like the ultimate control freak to me.

 

Good for you for CHOOSING instead of continuing to wait to Be Chosen.

 

AND Misty, don't resign yourself to having a miserable 30th birthday. I know you will miss MM and still be greiving the relationship. But maybe you should consider re-establishing your relationships with your friends and family that was put on pause due to your realtionship. I am sure your family and friends still love you dearly. Maybe you can spend your Bday with them?

[hopesndreams]

he's still so enmeshed with the W - god forbid he be more than a few miles away in case she needs him for some invented crisis. Sigh.

 

Such anger, bitterness and hatred for his W. Sigh. What did she ever do to you eh? She loves her H, and his own twisted way, he loves his W. You lost the "prize", the "booby prize".

 

But, as you say, 6 months down the road, he could come knocking, but by then hopefully you would have moved on...to a single man.

[Lyssa]

Whatever Misty wants to feel, let her be. Bitter or not, she's trying to get over her hurt.

 

Misty, I agree with Phoenix, don't be miserable on your 30th birthday. Celebrate it knowing that you're now free of his manipulations and games!

[Mino]

Hi Misty K, stay strong, go out with friends and try to stay busy. Go shopping! That always works! Just do something for Yourself.

[Lyssa]

Hi Misty K, stay strong, go out with friends and try to stay busy. Go shopping! That always works! Just do something for Yourself.

 

Retail therapy, yes!!

 

It works all the time. Get something sexy to wear on your birthday!

[Mino]

Retail therapy, yes!!

 

It works all the time. Get something sexy to wear on your birthday!

I went out and bought a whole new wardrobe! Amazing how different you feel after a HUGE shopping spree! Uhh, I just recieved the american express bill today..

[icepop]

So Sorry about my spelling, dont use spellcheck:rolleyes:, and English is my second language, but I think its good enough to get my point across, don't you think? And by the way, I am not here to insult you, but you can say what you need to a bit nicer. And no truth does not hurt, I welcome it;

 

 

Honesty does not require a spell checker and is a UNIVERSAL language. If you don't like me or what I say that is certainly your right.

 

But don't force feed BS down my throat.

[icepop]

he's still so enmeshed with the W - god forbid he be more than a few miles away in case she needs him for some invented crisis. Sigh.

 

Such anger, bitterness and hatred for his W. Sigh. What did she ever do to you eh? She loves her H, and his own twisted way, he loves his W. You lost the "prize", the "booby prize".

 

But, as you say, 6 months down the road, he could come knocking, but by then hopefully you would have moved on...to a single man.

 

the biggest crises of which Misty invented and helped the W in the process. And, I was called bitter when I read these stream of conscience comments ?

 

Hardly.

 

Credibility lost here, Misty.

 

" Something else too - towards the end of the conversation, his W called several times. (she does this every day and it's ALWAYS nonsense, to verify he's home, etc). The last call he picked up the phone - which, admittedly annoyed me and proved my point about how he talks about but will not actually change anything about how I get prioritized. What struck me though was that she was calling because she noticed he seemed very depressed yesterday and was worried about him. All I could think is that she still loves him and he will not give her the courtesy of the truth, the courtesy to let her go and move on with her life when he doesn't want to really be with her (he just wants to stay married) because it's more important for him to have it both ways. It made me mad for her sake and for myself I thought that it proves how far he's willing to stomp on people he claims to love to have it both ways."

 

" Still, it's so sick because I will still miss him like crazy. Part of me hopes that he'll come looking for me 6 months from now with divorce decree in hand, enmeshement with his W cordoned off by decent boundaries, and a resolve matched by action to treat me better. The other part hopes he does that, and that by then I won't care anymore."

 

Here are statements of arrogance and manipulation at their finest ( worst).

We only hope that the the only thing cordoned off is Misty's mouth.

 

Misty, after watching your a** in action, WS will be congratulating himself in 6 months. He would have withered on your "vine".

 

Luckily he will get out of it clean.

[fooled once]

Hey ice, seriously, can you just stop? What are you hoping to accomplish by tearing Misty down? She needs support and help -- not to be called names, told she is a liar and a manipulator.

 

It is very obvious you have a lot of anger / bitterness left in you -- but seriously - enough already.

 

We all get your point.

 

Instead of stepping on her, can you provide advice? And if not, can you just stop with the insults to her and other members? Your disdain for her shows clearly, so why are you even on her thread?

 

I am not intending to be mean, but I am so tired of seeing threads turned around and bashing of posters and insults.

 

Harsh advice, being direct -- no issues with that kind of post. But mean and vicious posts just because you can --- what is the point?

[MistyK]

Hey ice, seriously, can you just stop? What are you hoping to accomplish by tearing Misty down? She needs support and help -- not to be called names, told she is a liar and a manipulator.

 

It is very obvious you have a lot of anger / bitterness left in you -- but seriously - enough already.

 

We all get your point.

 

Instead of stepping on her, can you provide advice? And if not, can you just stop with the insults to her and other members? Your disdain for her shows clearly, so why are you even on her thread?

 

I am not intending to be mean, but I am so tired of seeing threads turned around and bashing of posters and insults.

 

Harsh advice, being direct -- no issues with that kind of post. But mean and vicious posts just because you can --- what is the point?

 

The point is to punch the checkout girl in the face because he's pissed at his wife or anyone he deems similar to the man who helped his W betray him. Misdirected anger. Maybe he has an issue with women in general. (The comment right off the bat about my "little friends" here is demeaning to other posters, to say nothing of what followed. ) Maybe he's got some issues with his sense of his worth due to his W's betrayal, or quite possibly is just one of those people who has to make themselves feel better by tearing everyone else down.

 

There are plenty of other posters here who've had no qualms about being "brutally honest" with me before, so if I was truly being an arrogant, manipulative, lying little sneak, I assume I'd be seeing other posts to the same effect...I certainly hope I don't come off that way. The trouble with the written word (without voice inflection, expressions, etc) is sometimes meanings don't get across they way they were meant to.