Dumbledore Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 I can cook, there are just 472 other things i would like to do before cooking, Agreed. Cooking is about as boring as it gets. Eating - there's where the real fun starts. But not everybody can afford a personal chef, or microwave dinners. Not to mention that anything that comes out of a microwave tastes bland. Link to post Share on other sites
iceis44 Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 One thing for me that makes a man is someone who's real, with internal strength. Someone who I can stand back to back with, who willingly fuels his share of the relationship, who will protect me as I protect him. The last thing I need is someone who needs me to "nurture" and shelter him to adult-hood and emotional/relationship Girl I am so there with you, that was my 25 year marriage, my partner and friend now, we are equals, we stand beside each other, we know all aspects of each others lives and treat each other as adults, I dont have to codle him, pick what I need to say, hope I dont offend if being honest with him Link to post Share on other sites
iceis44 Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 I think this whole discussion is based on "EXPECTS" MY partner does not expect me to cook, and doesnt care if i dont, I did the other day and told him there it is, if you dont want to eat it wont hurt my feeling one bit. He is a health freak and lives on vitmans and power drinks, I told him, I dont think thats overly healthy as those items "wont make a turd" cracked him up! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 Girl I am so there with you, that was my 25 year marriage, my partner and friend now, we are equals, we stand beside each other, we know all aspects of each others lives and treat each other as adults, I dont have to codle him, pick what I need to say, hope I dont offend if being honest with him That sounds nice. Each person is a composition of different traits, both good and bad. A woman can be feminine AND capable, in more ways than cooking and cleaning. A man can be masculine AND caring, in more ways than the bottomless wallet. Having a gentle side to a man is so attractive. If he's got the confidence to show that side without petulance, WOW, I'm like a puddle all over the floor! Link to post Share on other sites
iceis44 Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 At core, I want to be with someone who I love, lust for, respect and trust. I want him to be my friend, my lover and my partner but not my everything, since we both need lives and downtime. In this, I do have high expectations since I "expect" it to be reciprocated. I don't expect that he can build a home with his hands We are twins split apart at birth, my partner loves to fix things, and here is the chincher, he likes to fix them CORRECTLY the first time, my goodness that statment alone makes me all dizzy!! After living a lifetime with Mr. I will do it later, just prop it up, where is the masking tape, or here crazy glue will work! Link to post Share on other sites
iceis44 Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 I wonder how many men should dump women for googling them to see how much money they make, or slyly pretend like they have none, to later dump the woman when she starts saying "He MUST make at least as much money or more than me !" I guess it is ok for the females to have tons of requirements, but males should just love and accept any woman for whom she is... Stop watching your lifetime movies and realize not everything men want is meant to be part of your feminist agenda to emasculate men. Ha, man do people have their own visions of the other sex, I have no idea what my partner makes, and could careless, I think he can cook, could care less, I do know hes is responsible, trustworthy, honorable, compassionate, smart, handy, and last but not least knows how to make a bed spin! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 I'm going to throw out some attitude differences that make or break a man for me. Other women might or might not agree: Attractive - I don't need you but want you in my life. You enrich my life. I like that you're capable and focused, in all things that you apply yourself to. I like that you believe in family and want one with someone who loves you. Unattractive - It looks like you have what I consider feminine traits, like the ability to cook and clean. This will be great for the future, in that you can cook, clean and bear my children. I can come home to a great meal, children who won't be underfoot and a sex partner to meet my needs. Man, I think you're marriage material. While men won't state it in the same words, the attitude is very different. In the second example, titled unattractive and a definite non-keeper scenario, the attitude is "all about me", instead of "us". Link to post Share on other sites
boxing123 Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 I believe both men and women want a generous partner. A man paying for dates might display generosity to women, and men might want a woman to display her generosity in the form of cooking. Those would be signs of generosity to each sex. However today, it is still expected for a man to pay. Most women are repulsed if at the end of the date you ask them to pay for what they ate. On the other hand, it seems to be taboo to even mention woman and cooking in the same sentence. You will have some feminist start yelling about doormats, being a mommy, or control freak men. I was in relationships with women that cooked often, and I always paid when we went out. That seemed to be the most natural flow. I was happy to give, she was happy to give. I dated women that never paid, and never cooked. This was obviously my least favorite. I dated women that always paid half, and money was not an issue. This seemed to work, but I did not feel as close of bond as with the first example I gave. Something seemed to be missing. Maybe cooking also signifies someone who does not need constant stimulation, and can find joy in immersing herself in something simple. Link to post Share on other sites
clv0116 Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 No worries.... on LS it always comes back to the man Yes, I notice that disagreement is not well appreciated here. Either you toe the feminist line and be a good little soldier or suffer the wrath. I'm not gonna sit here and let a bunch of single women tell other single women what *I* and other men look for - it's patently idiotic. It would be like asking an Olympic figure skater for advice in open heart surgery. She might have some ideas and a few of them might sound reasonable but in the end she's just not really in a position to speak with authority. Maybe next we can ask a vegetarian whether McDonalds or BK have better hamburgers. On topic, I want to reiterate that the cooking thing was very much shorthand for something bigger, see the original thread for context. Original post: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=1999273&postcount=4 Post that began this: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2000582&postcount=8 Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 While I enjoy cooking a great deal, including cooking dinner for myself and my SO I only cook vegetarian food. I make lots of really delicious things. I will not purchase, touch or cook animal flesh. I won't even contaminate my pots and pans with meat. The only exception is when I take my bf out to eat, on a rare occasion he wants a meat dish and I just shut up about it. I think this would be a deal breaker for a lot of men, oh well. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 While I enjoy cooking a great deal, including cooking dinner for myself and my SO I only cook vegetarian food. I make lots of really delicious things. I will not purchase, touch or cook animal flesh. I won't even contaminate my pots and pans with meat. The only exception is when I take my bf out to eat, on a rare occasion he wants a meat dish and I just shut up about it. I think this would be a deal breaker for a lot of men, oh well. I'd certainly break up with you. It's good, he understands and respects your decision. I also think it's great that when he does eat it you don't make a big deal about it. Some vegetarians I know will slam me for my decision to order a dish containing meat when we go out and it's incredibly annoying. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CandyGirlXO Posted January 19, 2009 Author Share Posted January 19, 2009 So pretty much the only guy here that doesn't think its a big deal that the woman does not cook is carhill? Well I am taking a cooking class with one of my girlfriends starting in March, thats if of course my work decides not to lay me off. I am also going to try to have my mom teach me the basics. Start with chicken. She never really cooked when I was growing up, but she does know how. I really want to learn. I know I am not healthy and it would be a good thing to know. I look healthy, I wear a size 3 but all the processed foods I eat there is no way I can be healthy. I am going to get my cholesterol checked as well since I have insurance, and I am not sure how much longer I will have it. I work for the state and they are probably going to do lay-offs. I will never be a chef and thats fine with me, but I do want to learn the basics. Thanks for everyones replies. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Candygirl, I think it's wonderful that you're concerned about your health enough to want to make a difference by learning to cook. Just remember, avoid the personal comfort men, 'cause it's all about me, me, me. You'll thank me in the long-term! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Learn to make killer chocolate chip cookies (like my wife is doing as I type this) and most guys will forget all about your "lack" of skills. Enjoy the cooking classes! I'd take some just to improve my sauces. That's one of the first things a student learns in culinary school, besides the chemistry of cooking. Think of it as the science of making the taste buds and stomach go yum, yum Excuse me while I lick the mixer paddle Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 My H's ex didn't cook. I know it bugged him a bit but it obviously wasn't a deal-breaker for him. I'm glad she didn't cook though because it makes him ultra-appreciative of my cooking. He never fails to thank me and express appreciation for it...even 14 years later. I love making him happy and if cooking for him is one of those things that makes him happy I don't mind one bit. It sure helps that I enjoy cooking but even if I didn't I'd do it to please him. Is that politically incorrect? So be it. He does plenty to make ME happy. Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 I'd certainly break up with you. It's good, he understands and respects your decision. I also think it's great that when he does eat it you don't make a big deal about it. Some vegetarians I know will slam me for my decision to order a dish containing meat when we go out and it's incredibly annoying. Men have never had a huge issue with it, even meat eaters. I guess in their eyes I had traits that "made up for it." I also used to eat sea food, sea food still puts me off much less than beef/pork/poultry My SO grew up in a vegetarian household. Like most Hindus his mother is a vegetarian so I think he's used to it. And this is an unpopular thing to say but even though I hold back from complaining I still hate it. Eating an animal and supporting an industry that tortures then slaughters animals, when there is NO need for it is a disgusting, cruel, selfish, barbaric and very very ugly Just because it's considered "normal" doesn't make it right. It takes a lot of restrain for me to take my SO out and say "yes, get whatever you want love" but I do it because I feel like it's fair. Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 It sure helps that I enjoy cooking but even if I didn't I'd do it to please him. He does plenty to make ME happy. I agree completely. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 People should do things because they want to do them, not to position themselves in a positive way for marriage or posturing. This is targeted towards women learning to cook or men becoming the never-ending open wallet. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Absolutely, TBF. I agree. I guess what I'm saying is that I don't see anything wrong with wanting to do something just to make your SO happy. Even if it's not your favorite thing to do. The fact that it makes your SO happy should bring some satisfaction in itself. Now luckily, in my case, I like to cook so that works out nicely. Mind you, sometimes I just don't feel like it and I do it anyway. Other times I don't feel like it and I ask him to pick us up something. Thanks, Allina. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Touche, I don't disagree with doing things to make your SO happy. It's part of the pampering process between couples, whether it's cooking, cleaning, paying for a night out on the town of dining and dancing, things of that nature. That it's a prerequisite for personal selfish comfort, for a man to need this for marriage, is something that doesn't sit well with me. Do it as a labour of love, not because he "expects" it of you, as a personal comfort object. I suspect you know exactly what I mean Touche. For some people, this is semantics. For others, it's about reasonable valuation and respect for your partner, as a person and part of the family unit. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 I know exactly what you're saying TBF, but hey, anyone can make anything they want a "deal-breaker." I sure wouldn't take it personally if someone rejected me because I can't bake (I really can't!) or because I smoke, etc. etc. We all have our "deal-breakers" and if not cooking is someone's deal-breaker so be it. And even if you can cook, if a man has that as a requirement, you can make that fact a deal-breaker. For me personally, it wouldn't be a deal-breaker. In and of itself, I wouldn't judge a guy who had that "cooking" requirement. I would have to look at the whole picture to decide if he's just looking for "mommy." Link to post Share on other sites
boxing123 Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Well you do not have to marry anyone. But if you do, you have a DUTY to keep your husband comfortable. He has a DUTY to provide security, and keep you safe and comfortable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CandyGirlXO Posted January 19, 2009 Author Share Posted January 19, 2009 For me personally, it wouldn't be a deal-breaker. In and of itself, I wouldn't judge a guy who had that "cooking" requirement. I would have to look at the whole picture to decide if he's just looking for "mommy." I think a lot of it has to do with if the men grew up with their moms cooking. My EX (the millionaire) grew up with his mom not cooking, so he could care less if I could cook or not. We agreed that if we got married we would hire a cook, but that didn't work out. My brothers probably wouldn't care if their wife cooked or not. It just depends on what they are used to. My step-dad cooked a lot more than my mom ever did. I just told my mom that some guys might not want to marry me because I don't know how to cook, and she looked at me and said, "Don't be ridiculous!" LOL so everyone has their opinion. For those men on here that said they would not marry a woman if she didn't cook, did your mommies cook for you growing up? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Truth be told Touche, I wouldn't bear lifelong resentment to anyone, for rejecting me for any reason. As long as they have the maturity to state their reasons, I'll get over it and move on! I won't disagree that "a requirement for cooking" doesn't necessarily constitute a "surrogate mommy" requirement. It's the entire, "do the domestics for my personal comfort and bear my children, to make me happy", that disgusts me. That's no partner. That's a user. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CandyGirlXO Posted January 19, 2009 Author Share Posted January 19, 2009 He has a DUTY to provide security, and keep you safe and comfortable. LOL well my step-dad has NEVER provided for my mom. He is lazy prefers not to work. Rather be drugged out of his mind and watch TV all day. So I don't know what its like to have security. Would you prefer a cook, or a wife that gave you head every night? Link to post Share on other sites
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