What I think about hitting children.

[a4a]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=1917471&postcount=13

 

Did you see my older post? That was a glaring display of how spanking didn't work.

 

I don't think a 2 yr old has a real concept of death or what it actually is?

[Trialbyfire]

I don't think a 2 yr old has a real concept of death or what it actually is?

Since I wasn't there, I can't explain how my SIL managed to communicate to a 2 year old, through age appropriate storybook references. The only thing that's for certain is that she managed to stop the negative behaviour by communicating in a way that my nephew understood, since he never did it again.

[a4a]

I can't comment on how your H was raised, since abuse can come in the form of emotional, verbal and physical or any combination of the above. Mental illness also impacts on how a child reacts to certain stimuli.

 

But you did comment in general = People who are spanked are spankers... not so. zero emotional or verbal abuse..... worst thing his father ever told him was "I am dissappointed in you" - in regards to him getting his ear pierced as a 16 year old without permission.

 

But whatever. I might have kids now just so I can spank them!

[Trialbyfire]

But you did comment in general = People who are spanked are spankers... not so. zero emotional or verbal abuse..... worst thing his father ever told him was "I am dissappointed in you" - in regards to him getting his ear pierced as a 16 year old without permission.

 

But whatever. I might have kids now just so I can spank them!

People aren't born passive-aggressive to the degree your husband is, without some form of mental illness or trauma.

[a4a]

Since I wasn't there, I can't explain how my SIL managed to communicate to a 2 year old, through age appropriate storybook references. The only thing that's for certain is that she managed to stop the negative behaviour by communicating in a way that my nephew understood, since he never did it again.

 

I would have to guess it was the combination of the swat and the story that did it...... not just the story itself.

[BareGoddess]

Wow, making it personal are we? I don't see that that's called for...

 

Anywho, A4A, as you so often do, you hit the nail on the head. There's no one-size-fits-all style of parenting.

 

What works for one kid doesn't work for another. But only a parent would really know this (or an animal trainer )

[Trialbyfire]

I would have to guess it was the combination of the swat and the story that did it...... not just the story itself.

So why did non-violence continue working with this child? If you're going to claim it had to do with the one swat, imagine the impact of multiple swats to a child's psychy.

[Moose]

Here's a SIL/brother's story. My oldest nephew, as a two year-old, had a fascination for electrical outlets. At home, they had those plastic outlet plugs so it was never an issue. They had a wedding to go to out-of-town so they ended up staying at a hotel that didn't have the plugs and they also forgot to pack any.

 

So, of course, my little nephew, who was raised without ever being hit, kept wandering close to the outlets, wanting to touch them. Finally, my brother, exasperated, smacked him across the bottom. My nephew cried, then immediately went back to the outlet. It did absolutely nothing to him. My SIL then explained to my nephew in no uncertain and age appropriate terms, the consequences for touching the outlet, which included death as a consequence by referring to storybook characters. My nephew never touched another electrical outlet again.

 

My brother never spanked or hit my nephew again or his little brother. It doesn't do any good, unless you really hurt them. The horrific part of this is that fear of violence or fear of a parent(s) is no way to raise a child.

Here's the Moose way....make sure the kid has his tennis shoes on.....(very important).....then give him a steel marshmellow skew with a rubber handle. (you might even have him wear rubber dish washing gloves)

 

Tell him to stick it in the socket and see what happens.....

 

That'll learn em'......

 

Me? I used the tweazers from that old, "operation" game.....

[a4a]

People aren't born passive-aggressive to the degree your husband is, without some form of mental illness or trauma.

 

Or learning not to confront issues from a passive role model that did not put his or her foot down and create consquences. He was spoiled rotten with zero real consquences. (spoiled rotten I mean had no responsibility as a youngster not financially)

 

I think if he would have been spanked he may have come out quite differently and for the better. Perhaps that is why he is pro spanking.

 

He had time outs... whippity dip..... not a big deal... probably why he doesn't mind waiting in the check out lines like I do. He is simply conditioned.

[a4a]

Here's the Moose way....make sure the kid has his tennis shoes on.....(very important).....then give him a steel marshmellow skew with a rubber handle. (you might even have him wear rubber dish washing gloves)

 

Tell him to stick it in the socket and see what happens.....

 

That'll learn em'......

 

Me? I used the tweazers from that old, "operation" game.....

 

:lmao:

 

I talked one of my classmates into sticking a unwound paperclip into the classroom outlet in middle school.... teeee hee hee.... awesome!!

 

lights out baby lights out!

[a4a]

So why did non-violence continue working with this child? If you're going to claim it had to do with the one swat, imagine the impact of multiple swats to a child's psychy.

 

he could possibly run for president with a few more good swats!

 

some need them..... some don't.

 

Now what about mouth washing with soap?

[Trialbyfire]

he could possibly run for president with a few more good swats!

 

some need them..... some don't.

 

Now what about mouth washing with soap?

This isn't a serious discussion anymore, just people escalating by using mockery because they don't have a logical argument.

 

Out.

[a4a]

This isn't a serious discussion anymore, just people escalating by using mockery because they don't have a logical argument.

 

Out.

 

Mouth washing with soap is way worse than spanking..... it is not mockery. It is another form of physical punishment. One I don't agree with.

 

But thanks for your professional diagnosis of my H!

 

Logical argument is a child is not able to reason worth a damn. Swatting a child on the butt does not scar the child for life. It is called for in some instances.

 

A swat on the ass does not = VIOLENCE OR ABUSE

 

Badgering a child to death is abusive.

[nittygritty]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=1917471&postcount=13

 

Did you see my older post? That was a glaring display of how spanking didn't work.

 

I tried to read this thread last night but my 12 year old son glanced at what was on my computer screen and asked "Are you thinking about hitting me?".

 

When my kids were little, I also explained "in no uncertain and age appropriate terms" and spanked in situations that they could seriously injure themselves. Any punishment is useless if parents don't explain why.

 

When my kids were older than the terrible two's phase, I also spanked them if they continued a tantrum after being sent to their room for time out. It got their attention and enabled discussion of the problem after they calmed down. They learned to prefer talking about a disagreement rather than continue throwing a fit.

 

Because I rarely spanked they knew it was serious business when I did. Even though I'm biased, my kids are well-behaved great kids. Neither even recall being spanked but there are situations when I think it's the appropriate punishment.

 

However, I totally disagree with school's spanking kids. School's need to either send kids with discipline problems home or involve the appropriate agencies if there are problems at home that are creating a kid's discipline problems.

[a4a]

I tried to read this thread last night but my 12 year old son glanced at what was on my computer screen and asked "Are you thinking about hitting me?".

 

When my kids were little, I also explained "in no uncertain and age appropriate terms" and spanked in situations that they could seriously injure themselves. Any punishment is useless if parents don't explain why.

 

When my kids were older than the terrible two's phase, I also spanked them if they continued a tantrum after being sent to their room for time out. It got their attention and enabled discussion of the problem after they calmed down. They learned to prefer talking about a disagreement rather than continue throwing a fit.

 

Because I rarely spanked they knew it was serious business when I did. Even though I'm biased, my kids are well-behaved great kids. Neither even recall being spanked but there are situations when I think it's the appropriate punishment.

 

However, I totally disagree with school's spanking kids. School's need to either send kids with discipline problems home or involve the appropriate agencies if there are problems at home that are creating a kid's discipline problems.

 

Perhaps parents on a individual basis should have the right to allow the school to spank their children. I would so instruct a supervising adult of a child of mine to do so if called for as an appropriate punishment.

[tanbark813]

This isn't a serious discussion anymore, just people escalating by using mockery because they don't have a logical argument.

 

That's not exactly true. People have already presented their logical arguments but you simply dismiss them and presume your way is the only way. Then people get bored of reiterating themselves so they turn to mockery for amusement.

[a4a]

That's not exactly true. People have already presented their logical arguments but you simply dismiss them and presume your way is the only way. Then people get bored of reiterating themselves so they turn to mockery for amusement.

 

Accused of mockery..... me or was it the Operation tweezer thing?

 

Seriously Tan were you spanked? Is this what makes you so violent?

 

Side note I am really craving a round of LS RL dodge ball right now!

[BareGoddess]

Actually in our state some schools do paddle but the parent can sign a paper giving permission or not. We gave the school permission but thankfully our child has never received a paddling.

 

I'm not completely comfortable with the idea of someone else administering that kind of punishment. I did agree to it though as I believe it would be worse to NOT give permission.

 

I actually think that just the threat of it has kept our son from misbehaving to the extent of needing to be paddled.

 

I have no problem with using fear to manage a child's behavior. Whatevuh works is fine by me!

 

At least our child won't be some spoiled self-entitled smart-ass like so many of the kids seem to be these days.

[JamesM]

Spanking can be very effective but IMO, it is no longer effective when the child is over six or eight years old. Then it does come down to verbal instruction. And then it is necessary to take things away rather than use force.

 

My favorite saying is...."I am going to count to three, and I do not want to have to say two." Amazing how they move! And no, I do not use halfs.

 

Another way I tell them my expectations is to say, "Could you two quit your fighting? And that is my nice way of saying it. Please do not make me say it in my mean way."

 

This usually works, and even gets a laugh sometimes.

 

I have a house full of boys, so they get a much "harsher" language than if I had a house full of girls, I think. I usually do not say, "Could you go to your room, please?" in a soft quiet voice. Instead it is..."Room...now!" with the voice of a drill sergeant.

 

Discipline does require physical punishment sometimes, but I have found that for me, unfortunately, it is usually done wit some vengeance and anger...even if I did not intend this to be the case. So I try to avoid it now. Showing my disappointment, anger and frustration in my voice can be more effective anyhow.

 

When the children know that you mean business, spanking is never necessary. However, using only words is useless if they think that there is no possibility of anything further such as spanking or withholding of "good things."

[Moose]

That's not exactly true. People have already presented their logical arguments but you simply dismiss them and presume your way is the only way. Then people get bored of reiterating themselves so they turn to mockery for amusement.

Thanks Tan, my tweezer story is real. And what I said I would've done in the OP's SIL situation is exactly what I would've done! No lie.

 

Absolutely no harm would come to the child, but it would create a memory that he'll NEVER forget.....

[Trialbyfire]

That's not exactly true. People have already presented their logical arguments but you simply dismiss them and presume your way is the only way. Then people get bored of reiterating themselves so they turn to mockery for amusement.

tanbark, I could get incredibly personal and dissect you. I won't. Let's just say that I strongly don't believe in abusive behaviour towards children because it just creates more dysfunctional adults. I'll leave it at that.

[a4a]

Spanking can be very effective but IMO, it is no longer effective when the child is over six or eight years old. Then it does come down to verbal instruction. And then it is necessary to take things away rather than use force.

 

My favorite saying is...."I am going to count to three, and I do not want to have to say two." Amazing how they move! And no, I do not use halfs.

 

Another way I tell them my expectations is to say, "Could you two quit your fighting? And that is my nice way of saying it. Please do not make me say it in my mean way."

 

This usually works, and even gets a laugh sometimes.

 

I have a house full of boys, so they get a much "harsher" language than if I had a house full of girls, I think. I usually do not say, "Could you go to your room, please?" in a soft quiet voice. Instead it is..."Room...now!" with the voice of a drill sergeant.

 

Discipline does require physical punishment sometimes, but I have found that for me, unfortunately, it is usually done wit some vengeance and anger...even if I did not intend this to be the case. So I try to avoid it now. Showing my disappointment, anger and frustration in my voice can be more effective anyhow.

 

When the children know that you mean business, spanking is never necessary. However, using only words is useless if they think that there is no possibility of anything further such as spanking or withholding of "good things."

 

 

James got news girls are way worse than boys..... you will get the door slamming and the stomping! And they fight like cats!

 

I agree spankings probably are no good after 8ish. They just lose the fear... hell I would rather be spanked right now than pay my taxes!! Bring the spanks on!!!

[a4a]

Thanks Tan, my tweezer story is real. And what I said I would've done in the OP's SIL situation is exactly what I would've done! No lie.

 

Absolutely no harm would come to the child, but it would create a memory that he'll NEVER forget.....

 

Could be why I can hold a herd of horses behind a single piece of electrified tape!

[Moose]

abusive behaviour towards children because it just creates more dysfunctional adults

Well, I might not win the poster child nomination....but I was BEAT beyond all recognition by my parents almost on a daily basis.....

 

Dysfunctionality is not a permanent condition......

[Moose]

Could be why I can hold a herd of horses behind a single piece of electrified tape!

Precisely!.....dang it.....another reason I like you so much......ahem....sorry....off topic.......

Dysfunctionality is not a permanent condition......

I might go as far to say that dysfunctionality is a choice for most......there are those that are physically impaired......just wanted to clarify....