DG is not writing to me

[BlueEyedGirl]

I completly understand where Ariadne is coming from. It reminds me very much about the story with my boss.

 

Unrequited love sucks but I beleive that both me and Ariadne are filling the void because the alternative is the complete emptiness and nothingness. Longing for DG makes Ariadne feel alive. Waiting for his e-mails, reading about what he did that day, searching for little clues that he cares about her, well all those things make her happy. "False" happiness is still better than no happiness at all. Who is anyone to judge?

 

I guess that difference is for me, I know that my boss is not my true love or my soulmate. I see him for what he is and the situation for what it is. Yet when I attempt to move on I just feel...this huge emptiness.

 

Sometimes, for various reasons we are not able to have a real romantic relationship. I know that I can't. So we use substitute "fantasy relationships" as the next best thing.

 

As for calling Ariadne crazy and a bunny boiler, sorry but that's ridiculous. Obviously even DG didn't take any of her actions as stalking given that he still corresponded with her even after the full knowledge of the drive to Denver/ binoculours(sp?) episode. If he doesn't consider it stalking, neither should you.

[Island Girl]

Okay --

 

MAY of 2007 you wrote that his then girlfriend had "done some criminal actions against you to make you stop e-mailing him".

 

I am not aware of any criminal actions a person can do to keep someone away from somebody else. Any criminal action would have to be supported by the person being contacted.

 

And looking at the date I was horrified to see that it was two years ago.

 

Then even worse that the "criminal actions" were actually from a year before that.

 

So that is three years of this that I know of.

 

Do you not feel that you deserve an actual relationship?

 

By actual I mean someone who wants to see you and interact with you in other ways than just e-mail?

 

You called him and he immediately stopped contact after you have known him and been e-mailing for how many years - ? At LEAST three, right?

What does that say to you? And that is a serious question.

 

What do you see when you read your old threads/posts and look at all of the content - his actions?

[Ariadne]

the alternative is the complete emptiness and nothingness. Longing for DG makes Ariadne feel alive. Waiting for his e-mails, reading about what he did that day, searching for little clues that he cares about her, well all those things make her happy.

 

Yes, I feel like he took all the joy away from my life.

 

Now I'm more bored than ever and I don't know what to do with myself even less than I did before.

 

No hope, no nothing.

 

Thanks BEG <3

[Ariadne]

I was horrified to see that it was two years ago.

Do you not feel that you deserve an actual relationship?

By actual I mean someone who wants to see you and interact with you in other ways than just e-mail?

You called him and he immediately stopped contact after you have known him and been e-mailing for how many years - ? At LEAST three, right?

What does that say to you? And that is a serious question.

What do you see when you read your old threads/posts and look at all of the content - his actions?

 

I know, I just wait and wait.

 

But it was always because I truly believed that he was my soulmate and that he loved me.

 

I knew from the get go that his engagement with the dollgirl was not going to work.

 

But now that he did this, I don't know what to think anymore.

 

And I tried to send you his web page, but you don't have PM activated for some reason.

 

But yes, I met him in 03 in a dating forum and we started emailing in Nov 04. We met in person in 05. In April 06 he got engaged, in June 08 they split and we started writing again, then he stopped for 6 months, etc.

 

[amaysngrace]

Obviously even DG didn't take any of her actions as stalking given that he still corresponded with her even after the full knowledge of the drive to Denver/ binoculours(sp?) episode. If he doesn't consider it stalking, neither should you.

 

He's probably afraid to ignore her due to her fragile mental state. I'm sure he doesn't want the guilt of a suicide chick on his head.

 

He's probably real decent like that.

 

It's a little ironic that neither you nor A feel that counseling is a good use of your time.

 

But for me I would have to get out into the real world. Because your fantasy and As fantasy suck in my opinion. Yeah if it was a good fantasy it's one thing but being rejected and taking scraps of attention as being meaningful...well that's a waste of time.

 

I'd rather be hugged by someone I love. Not receive a platonic hush email and think it's the highlight of my life.

 

But you can call me crazy if you want.

[Ariadne]

It's a little ironic that neither you nor A feel that counseling is a good use of your time.

I'd rather be hugged by someone I love. Not receive a platonic hush email and think it's the highlight of my life.

 

I want to be hugged too, believe me. But by the man I love, not by any other guy.

 

I can't just go find some other guy and fall for him so that I can hug.

 

Love is patient...

[amaysngrace]

I want to be hugged too, believe me. But by the man I love, not by any other guy.

 

I can't just go find some other guy and fall for him so that I can hug.

 

Love is patient...

 

One-sided love is not love. It's an obsession.

 

He doesn't love you Ariadne. He hugs another woman. He shares his life with another woman. He loves her Ariadne.

 

If he were your soulmate he would be loving you and not this other person.

 

You're friendzoned by your soulmate. So maybe you like to think he is your soulmate but he doesn't seem to see it the same.

 

He sees you as just a friend. Probably one with a really fragile mental state and a child he needs to be concerned about too.

 

I agree he has been patient and yes that makes him a nice guy but he doesn't love you like a soulmate. If he did he'd be with you...right now.

 

You're second best.

[BlueEyedGirl]

I want to be hugged too, believe me. But by the man I love, not by any other guy.

 

I can't just go find some other guy and fall for him so that I can hug.

 

Love is patient...

 

 

Exactly. I want to be hugged by someone I love and not by some guy that likes me and can offer me a relationnship but I feel very little for him.

 

I guess when it comes down to chosing an actual relationship with someone I am not head over heels for or a fantasy relationship with someone I am crazy about, I prefer the latter.

 

When it comes down to it, one look, one smile, one e-mail from someone I am truly into gives me more pleasure than a lifetime commited relationship with someone I have mediocre feelings for.

 

And yes some people are very lucky to find both but sadly I am not one of them.

[Ariadne]

When it comes down to it, one look, one smile, one e-mail from someone I am truly into gives me more pleasure than a lifetime commited relationship with someone I have mediocre feelings for.

 

Aww....

[Ariadne]

He doesn't love you Ariadne. He hugs another woman. He shares his life with another woman. He loves her Ariadne.

 

He doesn't have anybody else.

 

I was the only woman he kissed in eight years aside from his fiancee that it didn't work out with.

 

This guy is more weird than I am, and goes celibate for years in a row too if he can't be with someone he loves.

 

Anyway, it's moot because he is not writing and I agree this whole thing is ridiculous.

[amaysngrace]

He doesn't have anybody else.

 

I was the only woman he kissed in eight years aside from his fiancee that it didn't work out with.

 

This guy is more weird than I am, and goes celibate for years in a row too if he can't be with someone he loves.

 

Anyway, it's moot because he is not writing and I agree this whole thing is ridiculous.

 

It is ridiculous. He doesn't have anybody else? I misunderstood that then but that makes it even worse. If he doesn't have anybody else then there is nothing to keep him from being with you. Still he doesn't be with you.

 

I think you are really afraid to be with a real person. BEG too. You can't go find someone worth being with if you put all your thoughts and energy into something that just won't happen.

 

I don't think you really want true love with a real person. If you did you'd find a way to make that happen.

 

Instead you find a way to focus on the fantasy because it keeps you safe from having to be with a real person. Because the thought of being with someone real scares you to death.

 

Meantime you probably know that you aren't mentally capable of having a relationship. So having dreamy fantasies is an avoidance method to keep you from doing what needs to be done.

 

It's really rather pathetic that you will choose to be in this situation rather than choose to being content.

 

I think you're really sweet and I find it kind of sad that you won't help yourself a little because you deserve to be content in life. And you give your love whole-heartedly and you should get that in return.

 

But all my wishing in this world doesn't mean a thing because you won't get off your bottom and face your fears.

 

So you just stay stuck in a sickness. It's really quite sad. You deserve better.

[Ariadne]

I think you're really sweet and I find it kind of sad that you won't help yourself a little because you deserve to be content in life. And you give your love whole-heartedly and you should get that in return.

 

Thank you.

 

And I agree with this part: that makes it even worse. If he doesn't have anybody else then there is nothing to keep him from being with you. Still he doesn't be with you.

 

What can you do.. I was keeping my hope alive.

 

Now I'm shocked and confused, but I guess I'll live.

 

Count your blessings for having your love, and regard his problems and minimal compared to this.

[amaysngrace]

Now I'm shocked and confused, but I guess I'll live.

 

Count your blessings for having your love, and regard his problems and minimal compared to this.

 

Living and existing are two different things entirely.

 

I do count my blessings for my BF. But he wouldn't be my BF if all he did was write me an email from time to time. We are a whole lot closer than that.

 

He appreciates me because I take the bull by the horns. When I see there is something that needs attention I give it my attention. Even if it is my own mental state of health. Even if it means I will go through some change. Even if it will be hard on me or hard on him he admires this characteristic about me.

 

I am not an ostrich who can just bury her head in the sand.

 

I don't think you are an ostrich either A. I think you're too smart for that.

[Ariadne]

I take the bull by the horns. When I see there is something that needs attention I give it my attention.

 

Well, I picked up the phone to call him and see what happened.

 

That was me taking the bull by the horns trying to get closer. My mistake.

 

Anyway, thanks for posting. xo

[amaysngrace]

Well, I picked up the phone to call him and see what happened.

 

That was me taking the bull by the horns trying to get closer. My mistake.

 

Anyway, thanks for posting. xo

 

That is what you got from what I said, that you should call him and try to get closer to him?

 

Yes A...it is your mistake. It is very much your mistake. But it is your life. If you choose to stay sick rather than get well then so be it. It's your life.

 

But it's sad to me and you're sad to me. You won't do anything within your power to stop the lonely feeling yet you complain about being alone.

 

That's victim mentality sweetie. You can twist it any which way you want but it doesn't disguise it any better from being what it really is.

 

Everyone makes mistakes. But correcting those mistakes is powerful. And it feels really good to be powerful and in charge of your own life.

 

Trust me I know. It's also okay to change your mind. To not see things in black and white and be open enough to give it a shot. Like counseling.

 

Maybe your thinking about counseling is a big mistake too? I mean, you admittedly make mistakes right?

 

Anyway it's all about you. You do what you want to do and what you're comfortable doing. It won't change my life any. It just seems that what you're doing isn't really all that comfortable for you.

 

It's like your numb to life in a really big way. And that sucks for you.

[Ariadne]

It's like your numb to life in a really big way. And that sucks for you.

 

Yeah, is all blah.

 

Sigh.... I'll just drink some tea or something maybe do laundry. Yeah...

 

Thank you so much amay.

[Ariadne]

(Btw, I said I met him in a dating forum. In fact, it was called Dating Advice forum and it was "exactly" like LS. Same threads, same problems, same situations etc etc)

[amaysngrace]

I hope you have a fantastic day Ariadne by doing something good for you that makes you feel alive. Even if it's not today I hope you have that fantastic day soon.

 

XO

[Ariadne]

You too amay.

[annxxdisaster]

Well, I'm going to speak on what your son may be feeling right now (we're about the same age, I'm 20). My mom was the exact same way you are about this Denver Guy or whatever his name is with a boyfriend that she had 4 or so years ago. Their relationship ended with a fight, my mom saying she was going to call the cops, and he just simply ran off. Never called her after that, came to get his stuff, nothing. The last time she saw him in person was when they went to court to get restraining orders on each other.

 

Despite saying she's 'over him' now, I can tell she isn't. But I don't live with her anymore and I'm slowly giving up on her being my mother again, so I handle these talks with her as I would any of my other girl friends. She also has other various medical issues and diseases, but that's a different story.

 

Basically, I resented my mother. I'm slowly accepting what happened and leaving it behind me, but I honestly can say I feel he has to resent you too. Especially since this guy was hardly ever physically in front of you. I would feel completely rejected and no better than garbage because the very person that gave birth to me, nurtured me, and who is supposed to unconditionally be there for me and put me above everyone else is neglecting me for some e-mails. WORDS. Words from some guy mean more to my mom than I do.

 

I'm getting really upset just thinking how he could have possibly been feeling. I don't know, I understand emotions and whatever. But I can't see how you're a strong person at all--and I noticed on a different thread that you told someone to get a pair of balls because you feel that no girl could like a man with no backbone.

 

That's how I even found this thread. Honestly, what do you know about having a backbone? You let some e-romance (not that they aren't just as real, but they do lack the physicality and other things that a face to face 'IRL' romance has) completely rule your life, you can barely function, you're looking into all that spirituality stuff--which is admirable, but the reason you seem to be seeking it out is just a little sad, romantic but really just sad. When I always picture people who commit to a life like the one you were talking about, I picture an Anthropology professor of mine. She was a Buddhist Nun for a while and has done a lot of things in/for Burma. She is a strong woman, who has a purpose that's more than suffering and self-pity.

 

It's too bad you hate psychologist and therapy and stuff. I wouldn't be surprised if you had Borderline Personality Disroder or something like that.

 

I really hope you're just someone who's bored on the internet and made everything up just to see what would happen. I'm really sorry you're letting yourself waste away like this, and even worse that you gave it some higher more spirtual meaning. Man.

 

I thought during my break up I was acting pathetic and going about things all the wrong way. Thanks for making me feel better about myself at least.

[Ariadne]

I would feel completely rejected and no better than garbage because the very person that gave birth to me, nurtured me, and who is supposed to unconditionally be there for me and put me above everyone else is neglecting me for some e-mails. WORDS. Words from some guy mean more to my mom than I do.

 

Ugh?

 

If anything, this thing with DG has united me with my son more than ever.

 

All I do is spend time at home with him, I don't date, I don't go out with other guys, I don't have sex.

 

All I do is stay home and cook for him, clean the house, and the times I'm gone is because I'm working.

 

And for two years, I didn't even write emails.

 

And lately, his girlfriend started spending all weekend at home, I even take them to restaurants and to the movies if they want to, and cook breakfast for them.

 

But sorry about what happened with your mom, and hope you get close to her again.

[tkgirl]

er...nevermind!!!

[burning 4 revenge]

Denver Guy hates you

[PinkToes]

annxxdisaster:

 

Excellent and insightful post. Hopefully it will help someone else.

[Ariadne]

Ok,

 

Now "this" is the problem I have with my son, and I consider it pretty serious and I don't know what to do.

 

For example, right now he is watching a Bruce Lee marathon on TV, and he wants me to snuggle up in bed with him to watch together.

 

Ok, so I did that for a while, he won't let me leave the bed, and I'm about to throw up from seeing so much violence and so many daggers going into people's hearts.

 

Sigh...

 

Either this, or he makes me watch hour long utubes of things that I could care less.

 

Oh, he made me watch the movie "Wall-E" that I've never seen something so stupid in my life I just couldn't take it anymore.

 

And for him, of course, is a treat to do these things together, and I try...

 

But I always seem to fall short, he just let me come here in the commercials and keeps calling me.

 

Ups, there we go...

 

(I just posted his pictures in the profile if you want to see)