His wife is a ventilated quadriplegic.

[noforgiveness]

Now that is just WAY too far. Having an issue with my relationship is one thing...accusing me of bringin about her death is the sick thing. And only someone with the ability to think that way would indeed think that way.

Excuse ME while I make the vomit face.

 

I did not accuse you of bringing about her death. I did state you are on a deathwatch though so you can begin your happy little future with him. I said her dad may accuse you as did many other posters point this out that if she dies you may be under the microscope.

[wyldflower]

You never know- she may give you her blessing.

 

She has actually made reference to that.

Thank you for an knowledgeable assessment of the situation. It is so completely layered and complicated.

[wyldflower]

Waiting also protects you and your professional status- so there are more advantages to doing that.

 

You are absolutely right. Thank you.

[quankanne]

Having an issue with my relationship is one thing...accusing me of bringing about her death is the sick thing. And only someone with the ability to think that way would indeed think that way.

 

you don't sound like you're the type who's a vulture waiting to hone in on the kill, but unfortunately, there are going to be people who will look past this fact and extrapolate their own seedy explanations of what's going on. Hence the advice to be the ultimate professional and put any personal feelings on hold so that when the proper time arrives, you can pursue an honest relationship with the guy.

[sb129]

She has actually made reference to that.

Thank you for an knowledgeable assessment of the situation. It is so completely layered and complicated.

 

I know.

Her H has a right to be happy after she dies, however she has a right to live the rest of her days in dignity and peace, which I know you are acutely aware of.

 

If the R with the H is worth its salt, then it will be worth waiting for.

 

To the posters who have been so quick to judge- the woman is terminally ill. To suggest that the OP is "waiting for her to die" and that she may even be implicated in her death is a little far fetched and actually quite cruel.

 

It sounds to me that the Ws death will hit the OP hard too.

[noforgiveness]

You will be hurt by this man. You will be dumped when his wife dies and he is free. I'm sure as a police officer he has strong moral convictions and he will not see someone so unprofessional and unethical as a longterm partner.

[angie2443]

As a carer, you DO get very very close to someone who is a quadriplegic, as you have to do the most basic of things for them.

.

 

She does not care for the person she is caring for. The woman is in her way. She is trying to get with the husband permanantly and the wife has to die for this to happen. It's like having the person who is partly responsibility for your life, watch over you like a vulture. If I was the wife, I'd want this nurse as far away from me as possible.

[noforgiveness]

I know.

Her H has a right to be happy after she dies, however she has a right to live the rest of her days in dignity and peace, which I know you are acutely aware of.

 

If the R with the H is worth its salt, then it will be worth waiting for.

 

To the posters who have been so quick to judge- the woman is terminally ill. To suggest that the OP is "waiting for her to die" and that she may even be implicated in her death is a little far fetched and actually quite cruel.

 

It sounds to me that the Ws death will hit the OP hard too.

 

and you don't find it cruel that she is in this womans house daily caring for her while screwing her husband? I can't think of anything more cruel. You have stripped all the dignity this woman had left.

[wyldflower]

Having an issue with my relationship is one thing...accusing me of bringing about her death is the sick thing. And only someone with the ability to think that way would indeed think that way.

 

you don't sound like you're the type who's a vulture waiting to hone in on the kill, but unfortunately, there are going to be people who will look past this fact and extrapolate their own seedy explanations of what's going on. Hence the advice to be the ultimate professional and put any personal feelings on hold so that when the proper time arrives, you can pursue an honest relationship with the guy.

 

Thanks Q.

I am a bit sensitive when it comes to that. I may be falling in love under the wrong circumstances, but it doesn't mean I could EVER be capable of hurting another human being. Yes, I think I should wait for better timing...and our relationship will be that much better for having waited, so that we have no underlying feelings of guilt.

I think your advice is spot on as usual.

[Owl]

LOL...normally I agree with you on a lot of things, NF, but I've got to ask...how many police officers have YOU worked with??? Honestly, the job tends to make them so egotistical that many are convinced that anything that THEY do is the right thing. Their morals aren't any higher than anyone else's.

[angie2443]

I know.

Her H has a right to be happy after she dies, however she has a right to live the rest of her days in dignity and peace, which I know you are acutely aware of.

 

If the R with the H is worth its salt, then it will be worth waiting for.

 

To the posters who have been so quick to judge- the woman is terminally ill. To suggest that the OP is "waiting for her to die" and that she may even be implicated in her death is a little far fetched and actually quite cruel.

 

It sounds to me that the Ws death will hit the OP hard too.

 

No, it is not far fetched. This whole thing sounds like one of those horror stories on Dateline.

[noforgiveness]

Thanks Q.

I am a bit sensitive when it comes to that. I may be falling in love under the wrong circumstances, but it doesn't mean I could EVER be capable of hurting another human being. Yes, I think I should wait for better timing...and our relationship will be that much better for having waited, so that we have no underlying feelings of guilt.

I think your advice is spot on as usual.

 

Do you really think you are not hurting this woman now? She's a quadraplegic not brain dead. If her dad saw it then she does since she spends more time with you and her husband than her dad.

[noforgiveness]

LOL...normally I agree with you on a lot of things, NF, but I've got to ask...how many police officers have YOU worked with??? Honestly, the job tends to make them so egotistical that many are convinced that anything that THEY do is the right thing. Their morals aren't any higher than anyone else's.

 

 

LOL guess they are different in my area. I am friends with many officers and these guys even time their alcohol intake to their body weight when they are out. No big egos just good good people.

[sb129]

You will be hurt by this man. You will be dumped when his wife dies and he is free. I'm sure as a police officer he has strong moral convictions and he will not see someone so unprofessional and unethical as a longterm partner.

 

Really?

 

Millions of people fall in love with people they meet through their line of work. Its the single most common way for people to meet.

 

If she WAS having a sexual R with him, then perhaps her professionalism could be questioned.

 

However, she ISN'T. She is merely contemplating it, and last time I looked, contemplation was not an offense.

 

I think Wyld should be commended for having enough morals to actually question whether she should act on her feelings, and be able to decide NOT to. Far too many people act first, contemplate later, which is much more worthy of your scorn.

 

And BTW, as a side note, if you think that all policemen have

strong moral convictions and will not see someone so unprofessional and unethical as a longterm partner

then you have GOT to be kidding me. Are you deluded?

[wyldflower]

angie and noforgiveness...

There has been no screwing of the husband, as stipulated earlier.

As far as attacks on my personality and identity...you don't know me, you have obviously never been in a situation like this and I hope that life one day shows you that everything is not in black and white and that people in hard situations are not necessarily evil.

I DO care for this woman. Try providing the most personal of care 8 hours per day for a person you do not care for. It just doesn't work.

[noforgiveness]

Really?

 

Millions of people fall in love with people they meet through their line of work. Its the single most common way for people to meet.

 

If she WAS having a sexual R with him, then perhaps her professionalism could be questioned.

 

However, she ISN'T. She is merely contemplating it, and last time I looked, contemplation was not an offense.

 

I think Wyld should be commended for having enough morals to actually question whether she should act on her feelings, and be able to decide NOT to. Far too many people act first, contemplate later, which is much more worthy of your scorn.

 

And BTW, as a side note, if you think that all policemen have then you have GOT to be kidding me. Are you deluded?

What makes you think she isn't. She is debating stopping the sex part till she dies although it will be difficult.

[noforgiveness]

angie and noforgiveness...

There has been no screwing of the husband, as stipulated earlier.

As far as attacks on my personality and identity...you don't know me, you have obviously never been in a situation like this and I hope that life one day shows you that everything is not in black and white and that people in hard situations are not necessarily evil.

I DO care for this woman. Try providing the most personal of care 8 hours per day for a person you do not care for. It just doesn't work.

 

 

Yes you care so much for her you are having fantasies about her husband.

[wyldflower]

the impenetrable righteousness is blinding me now! I might call it a day.

Thanks to all the posters with constructive and helpful advice.

[sb129]

She does not care for the person she is caring for. The woman is in her way. She is trying to get with the husband permanantly and the wife has to die for this to happen. It's like having the person who is partly responsibility for your life, watch over you like a vulture. If I was the wife, I'd want this nurse as far away from me as possible.

 

This is you interpretation. This isn't what the OP said at all.

 

and you don't find it cruel that she is in this womans house daily caring for her while screwing her husband? I can't think of anything more cruel. You have stripped all the dignity this woman had left.

She ISN'T screwing him. If she was, then yes, I would think it was terribly cruel.

 

Yet these situations have a habit of becoming very very intense and i can understand the high level of emotion that must be running around that house.

 

IMO, the OP should also wait because the H may be using her as an emotional crutch- a role which would normally be filled by his W, but can't be. This could be misinterpreted as 'love'... and waiting to act on it will help clarify whether it really is or not.

 

You know, I am actually dispensing the same advice, which is to NOT act on her feelings. However I am doing it without crucifying the OP, which IS possible you know.

[LakesideDream]

In my extended family there was once a very similar situation. A couple who were married over thirty years. The wife was overtaken by a very disabling, fatal condition. She lingered a few years. There were "rumors".

 

A year or so after the wife passed the husband married the "caregiver", and they have lived happily ever after, some 15 years now. Things are not as "cut and dry" as some see them.

 

Good luck to you.

[Geishawhelk]

:laugh:geisha yea I know you find this perfectly ok that the nurse caring for the dying woman is sleeping with her husband. Such an apt name too.

 

Proves to me how little you know about geishas. they didn't sleep with anyone, you know....

[whichwayisup]

Keep it on the straight and narrow. Friendship and support yes, but the emotional and getting to know eachother and physical stuff (kissing, sex etc) hold all that stuff off until later.

 

Out of respect for his wife, their marriage and even him (he's needy and vunerable) you need to be the strong one and put this on hold, even if he doesn't want it to stop. Building a relationship under these circumstances isn't right.

[sb129]

In my extended family there was once a very similar situation. A couple who were married over thirty years. The wife was overtaken by a very disabling, fatal condition. She lingered a few years. There were "rumors".

 

A year or so after the wife passed the husband married the "caregiver", and they have lived happily ever after, some 15 years now.

 

 

I don't see anything wrong with that story at all. They had the decency and respect for the deceased to wait a while before they got married, and if they are still married and happy 15 years later, then fair play to them.

 

Things are not as "cut and dry" as some see them.

 

Good luck to you.

Absolutely.

[Tomcat33]

the impenetrable righteousness is blinding me now! I might call it a day.

Thanks to all the posters with constructive and helpful advice.

 

 

Don't let the "too far down on myself to offer others any word of benefit" get to you Wyldflower, really they are just a handful and no matter how hard we all wait they never change. All they know is criticism and angry hurtful comments that are really just directed at themselves, they hate themselves so much that they have to project on to others what they really want to say to themselves. It gets tiring of course but other than just see it for what it is and don't take it personally it is not about you it is about THEM and their self-hatred.

 

I think your story is unique, in fact not that long ago I saw a Chilean film called Radio Corazon and it is about a radio show that takes callers and and their love situations. The film is split in three different love situations, and one of the stories is about a man who's wife is terminally ill and he falls in love with the help, their live in nanny who they have known all their life. The woman who has been the right had to the W dying gets the blessing from her to please take care of her H after she passes. And you see the conflicting emotions this conjours up for all involved however the bottom line is that the W loves her H so much that she wants him to be happy when she passes and she knows that this woman will take care of him and their children.

 

That is what true love is about and what you are doing is very hard. A lot of emotions involved.

[quankanne]

You will be dumped when his wife dies and he is free … he will not see someone so unprofessional and unethical as a longterm partner.

 

well, are WE a ball of sunshine this morning?