Denver guy responded

[zicke]

Are you DG or a friend of his ? .. just curious... you seem pretty invested in this thread.

Not that being invested in this thread is a bad thing.. I'm just curious

 

I don't think calisto is DG's friend, I think that she just realizes that DG is NOT the problem here. Ariadne is. People are lambasting DG for responding to an email...ooohhh...bad man. Might not have been the wisest choice, but, he seems to have women take advantage of him quite a bit.

 

I mean, apparently his ex fiance who dumped him is still living with him because she cannot get off her but and find a job that would actually support her. I don't know, when I broke up with my ex-fiance, I got a short term roommate situation, because ultimately, I wanted out. I didn't still live with the man and blog about how he is a "plastic man" because for whatever reason, I needed to do that to make myself feel better.

 

The guy might be an egomaniac, he might not, he might just be too nice and not realize that people are taking advantage of him. WE do not know..but we can assume can't we...and you know what happens when you assume right?

 

Ariadne is seriously making herself out to be a victim, victims usually set things up that way. Oh, poor ariadne, been posting about this guy for years, and now it's his fault she cannot get over him. She needs therapy.

[johan]

I think Calisto is just sensitive to the injustice of lynch-mob behavior. People here are throwing harsh labels at someone they only know by anecdotes delivered by remarkably troubled, biased people who would be challenged to give a clear story about a trip to the grocery store.

 

His email wasn't so bad and that's a fact that anyone should be able to admit.

 

If you're villifying him not because you're actually against the guy, but because you want to turn Ariadne off to him, then give up. It's not working. I haven't seen much evidence to justify doing it otherwise.

 

I'm not saying people are wrong about him, but I am saying no one here knows whether they are right about him.

[Art_Critic]

I don't think calisto is DG's friend, I think that she just realizes that DG is NOT the problem here. Ariadne is. People are lambasting DG for responding to an email...ooohhh...bad man. Might not have been the wisest choice, but, he seems to have women take advantage of him quite a bit.

 

I mean, apparently his ex fiance who dumped him is still living with him because she cannot get off her but and find a job that would actually support her. I don't know, when I broke up with my ex-fiance, I got a short term roommate situation, because ultimately, I wanted out. I didn't still live with the man and blog about how he is a "plastic man" because for whatever reason, I needed to do that to make myself feel better.

 

The guy might be an egomaniac, he might not, he might just be too nice and not realize that people are taking advantage of him. WE do not know..but we can assume can't we...and you know what happens when you assume right?

 

Ariadne is seriously making herself out to be a victim, victims usually set things up that way. Oh, poor ariadne, been posting about this guy for years, and now it's his fault she cannot get over him. She needs therapy.

 

Good post... and you are right.. she does need therapy..

[johan]

Good post... and you are right.. she does need therapy..

 

This is the bottom line and the only solution that actually gets at the real problem. "Denver Guy" is a decoy.

[whichwayisup]

This is in NO WAY DG's fault.

 

I didn't say is it ALL his fault, but he IS responsible for his part in this by answering her email. He KNOWS she's weak, he KNOWS she's obsessed with him. What is HE getting out of this? EGO BOOST! Must be nice for him - He doesn't email her in 2 years, then his relationship/engagement ends, A finds out and emails him..He replies. Why? Because it's about HIS EGO. She makes him feel good. IF he cared about her wellbeing he would not reply, he'd tell her goodbye forever. She stalked him, it was creepy, yet he STILL replies to her email. WTF. Don't tell me that he isn't playing a part in this. Sorry to sound harsh, and yes I know she isn't innocent in all this, I'm just saying putting ALL the blame on her isn't right either.

[Art_Critic]

I'm not saying people are wrong about him, but I am saying no one here knows whether they are right about him.

 

I have based my opinion of him on the posts from Wendy.. her insight to how wrongly he has treated Ariadne was also part of it..

 

Not saying that Ariadne hasn't got a host of demons on her own to slay but he seems to feed her demons too..

[tinke]

BUT....keep in mind...this is HER thread. What is she seeking? What is the purpose?

[Art_Critic]

This is the bottom line and the only solution that actually gets at the real problem. "Denver Guy" is a decoy.

 

Johan.. she will not get therapy..so in reality all is for naught

[Event Horizon]

BUT....keep in mind...this is HER thread. What is she seeking? What is the purpose?

All I know is that it's not as exciting as the first one...

[johan]

I think trying to figure out the guy is a waste of time. I'm not defending him, but the fact is that Ariadne lives in a cruel world. She's lucky he's not doing more to fan the flames. She needs to have the tools to deal with this kind of stuff in a healthy way. That's the only thing to focus on if you're trying to bring positive results.

 

Who here believes that if she were to give up on this guy, she wouldn't develop delusional fantasies about someone else?

[whichwayisup]

What is she seeking? What is the purpose?

 

Letting us know what's going on in her life, an update for us who care and want to know what's going on, it's about venting and just speaking her mind. She isn't asking for advice, but she does read what we say and she is appreciative as well.

[Art_Critic]

Who here believes that if she were to give up on this guy, she wouldn't develop delusional fantasies about someone else?

 

Good point...

[johan]

Johan.. she will not get therapy..so in reality all is for naught

 

I noticed. But slandering the guy, whether you happen to be right or not, isn't much of a workaround.

[zicke]

I didn't say is it ALL his fault, but he IS responsible for his part in this by answering her email. He KNOWS she's weak, he KNOWS she's obsessed with him. What is HE getting out of this? EGO BOOST! Must be nice for him - He doesn't email her in 2 years, then his relationship/engagement ends, A finds out and emails him..He replies. Why? Because it's about HIS EGO. She makes him feel good. IF he cared about her wellbeing he would not reply, he'd tell her goodbye forever. She stalked him, it was creepy, yet he STILL replies to her email. WTF. Don't tell me that he isn't playing a part in this. Sorry to sound harsh, and yes I know she isn't innocent in all this, I'm just saying putting ALL the blame on her isn't right either.

 

 

See, that's were you and I differ. Yes, it wasn't prudent of him to email her back. Fine, we get that. But, that in no way implies that he is this huge narcissist who collects women like trophies. We just don't know that. And to take the word of an ex-fiancee who is parasitically living off of the guy herself...I don't know.

 

We all have ego's. I was dumped a couple of months ago, and to be quite frank, if some guy emailed me out of the blue, I might just take that ego stroke. I'm not a narcissist. I am human.

 

This is all her fault. All of it. She is the last person in this whole trainwreck that is the victim...in fact, she is the perpetrator. As a perpetual martyr and victim, she is the one getting an ego boost out of this.

[johan]

I noticed. But slandering the guy, whether you happen to be right or not, isn't much of a workaround.

 

FYI: I wasn't really directing this at you, Art. Just everyone.

[whichwayisup]

But, that in no way implies that he is this huge narcissist who collects women like trophies.

 

His ex-gf explained life with DG. All the ex's and other woman friends..He is quite selfish then, maybe not quite a complete narcissist.

 

if some guy emailed me out of the blue

 

Yes, and if you knew he was obsessed with you, loving you from afar and you knew he though you were his soulmate - Would you honestly continue to penpals with him? Isn't that just asking for trouble on your behalf by inviting this person back into your life?

[tinke]

WWIU, yes that may be your interpretation for her threads, but, A. herself cannot supply a reason for her posts.

I would think we all know why we are posting a topic, usually to seek validation, opinions,etc. Something to gauge our own feelings by, something to measure other's experiences, suggestions.

[zicke]

His ex-gf explained life with DG. All the ex's and other woman friends..He is quite selfish then, maybe not quite a complete narcissist.

 

 

 

Yes, and if you knew he was obsessed with you, loving you from afar and you knew he though you were his soulmate - Would you honestly continue to penpals with him? Isn't that just asking for trouble on your behalf by inviting this person back into your life?

 

Yes, but we are taking an ex's word for it, an ex who is still living with him by her own volition. She has no axe to grind at all...right? SHE IS the one posting on here. Not DG.

[Ariadne]

Ok you guys,

 

DG didn't reply to me.

 

As I expected this morning when I didn't find an email from him.

 

I imagine it is because he just doesn't care to talk to me anymore.

 

I mean, Ariadne who? And why would I talk to her anyway?

 

Or something like that...

 

I mean, why should him anyway? I'm practically a stranger to him after all this time, and I don't see why on earth would he have an inclination to talk to me.

 

I was very surprised when he responded to my first emails... and I thought that was an indication that we were going to be penpals like before and start talking.

 

But he probably moved on and I am inconsequential to him at this point.

 

Or he must have more important things to do than to talk to me.

 

Yes, I'm kind of disappointed. And yes, I was all feeling queasy this morning at work.

 

But now I'm feeling completely calm and I have accepted the situation as it is.

 

I'm not sure about the fantasy though. Most likely I'll continue to believe that we are soulmates, but that he is just being blind.

 

Yeah, that does it.

[whichwayisup]

Or he must have more important things to do than to talk to me

 

A, you aren't a part of his daily life, his daily thoughts, you aren't his priority, nor do you have a sharing healthy "friendship" with him.

 

I know you're sad but this last reply of yours IS realistic. I think you need to stay with those thoughts and start realizing more that it IS time to let go..Get this guy out of your blood and grieve.

 

I'm not sure about the fantasy though. Most likely I'll continue to believe that we are soulmates, but that he is just being blind.

 

But WHY would you do this to yourself? KNOWINGLY LIE to yourself, FOOL yourself. It serves NO purpose at all. Please explain this to me Ariadne..

[Ariadne]

It is difficult for him to display emotion to Ariadne in his email because he doesn't have that in him. Most of us have had someone interested and upset that we didn't return their affections.

 

Yes, I agree with that.

 

It is me who believes this fantasy that I've been feeding that we are soulmates.

 

But I don't see why he should believe that. I didn't expect him to.

 

Or that he'd write to me and tell me emotional romantic stuff.

[Ariadne]

A, you aren't a part of his daily life, his daily thoughts, you aren't his priority, nor do you have a sharing healthy "friendship" with him.

 

Yes, I'm a zero.

[Ariadne]

overall are you happy? And I realize that you don't think you would want another man, but, if you have nothing to do with him, just erase him from your mind, don't look up anything to do with him, you might in time feel differently.

 

Yes, I'm ok, actually.

 

I believe that I'd be happier with him and we being soulmates, but he doesn't believe that and what can you do.

 

I don't care about other guys at the moment.

[whichwayisup]

You aren't a zero at all! It's just that you're not a part of this guys life. See what this is doing to you? I didn't mean to imply or make you feel bad - I just want you to see what this fantasy is doing to you. Somehow you've made yourself important in his life, built it all up into something special and amazing.

[Ariadne]

If I was the subject of a 50 page thread which included lots of insults and posts from someone who was clearly obsessed with me, I would seriously tell that person to get a grip, and cut all contact directly after that.

 

It it was me, and some guy did that...

 

The very first thing I'd address to him when I wrote back would be the topic of the thread and discuss it a bit.

 

And not ignore the topic all together and go into sidetrack matters like, oh, someone said that my site was goofy, and that other ex gf of mine that said this and that...

 

But that would be what I would do though. Obviously he wanted to avoid the topic.