Denver guy responded

[Leia]

I don't think any amount of words from all of you is going to help get through to Ariadne. Of course, I would like to see her get pass DG but she seems too fixated on him.

[whichwayisup]

I had NC with him for over two years and I never got over.

 

You didn't want to get over him. If you truly DO want to get over him one day, you WILL.

 

But now that he is single, if he doesn't care to write or anything then I might.

That's a good start and good thinking too. The chances of him writing alot and sharing are slim to none. If he writes, it's ALL about him, his life. There's no real connection in the sense of 'being' a part of eachothers lives, even as a friends. It's like two ex's just keeping intouch to say hello and give an update on what's been going on in very little unemotional detail. Pointless..

 

I mean, my fantasy would die.

 

That wouldn't be a bad thing. It would force you to LIVE in reality, and find happiness that is based on real life, face to face and not words on a screen.

[sfsassy]

I had NC with him for over two years and I never got over.

 

But now that he is single, if he doesn't care to write or anything then I might.

 

I mean, my fantasy would die.

 

But from what I gather, you have still read his exes blog, and his website. So even though you didn't write him, you fed your obsession. When I mean NC, I mean not only didn't I contact him, but I didn't google him, look on any websites, whatever. He is acting like a very, very dostant friend.

[bootylicious]

Oh God. Ariadne, in your previous thread I said that I was done with this and that if you wanted to live in your fantasy then that is your choice. However, I can't help but feel that I should not give up in trying to get through to you because I think you are a great person.

 

In that email it is all about him. Undies' post pointing out all the "I's" is proof of that. He is self-absorbed and he even apologises about responding to you.

 

I honestly hope you see the light A but I don't see it happening any time soon. You can get over DG if YOU want to. We are here for you but you need to do the work here.

[Calisto]

I skimmed the story but I don't think he's a bad guy at all, he's a nice guy. People are criticizing his email semantics but the bottom line is he likes you, but only as a friend at this point, and he is not going to change that.

I am not one of those who subscribes to the "he's a jerk" philosophies because it is simply a matter of him not being in love, not that he's a jerk. Ten million people could tell you he's a jerk, idiot, loser, whatever, but you love him, so hearing that does not make YOU feel he's an idiot loser. In fact it was really immature, those who were calling him gay, nerd, etc. etc. etc. I am surprised these are adults posting on here who are saying these things.

 

I actually think he is a decent human being who is letting you know that he cares about you but only as a friend. You can have soulmates who are not romantic! You may always be connected to him as a friend, but he has made it clear the romantic side is over. I hope you can truly be happy and allow love back into your life knowing that.

[Taramere]

I agree with Calisto in the main part. If I found a thread like that about me on a forum after responding to an email, I'd probably want to address it in some way. Call it PR or whatever, but I think I'd want to speak in my own defence. Sending you (Ariadne) an email which was bound to get put onto this forum would seem like the best way of doing that.

 

Ultimately Ariadne's obsessive behaviour and her decision to retreat into a dreamworld is her responsibility and nobody else's. Blaming DG for having a dorkily narcissistic website and a weakness for getting his ego boosted by vulnerable women could be regarded a form of enabling her in all of this. At the very least it shifts emphasis away from the fact that she's trapped in a pattern of obsession and futile dreams which she seems to have no inclination or motivation to move on from.

 

I see no "I'm interested in you Ariadne - there's a future for us" message being given out here.

[zicke]

Completely agree with Tamere and Calisto...I don't see anything in DG's email to her that is narcissistic. When explaining themselves, people use "i" or a derivative of "I" quite often, so choosing to point out how many "i"'s the guy is using is moot.

 

If I found a thread or someone directed me to a thread where people were publicly lambasting me, I would probably be inclined to email the person who started it as well. It is not fair to the guy, dorky website or not, to make assumptions assumptions about his heterosexuality or his mental state. We just do not know the guy.

 

I am guilty myself of making a couple of comments. So, I really have no right. But, this is continuing and continuing and it's just not right. Leave the guy alone and concentrate on Ariadne...someone who he supposedly "loves" and is her so called "soul-mate" is being insulted and she keeps on posting about it. In addition, his ex Wendy is just as bad for giving people enough information for anyone with google to figure out who he was. Don't forget, this guy did not come here asking for this. Ariadne did...how about giving out her personal information about where she lives, or critiquing her pictures?? Seriously people, this isn't high school.

[Trialbyfire]

If I found out someone was obsessed and stalking me, here are the steps I would take:

1. Definitively but gently explain to them that there's no hope for a future together, leaving no room for misunderstanding.
   
2. If they chose to ignore this, I would ignore them for a length of time.
   
3. If they continued, showing up at my home, I would take legal action.
   

The last thing I would do, is to use them as my P/R agent.

[zicke]

TBF-Which he did esstentially! He let her know that he is not in love with her, he did not contact her for a long period of time and I doubt he is using her as a PR service...SHE started this about him. I do not see DG starting a multitude of threads about Ariadne. I have no problem with his email. I really do not see why anyone should. We do not know his side of the story, just three women's side of have it invested that they be believed.

[Trialbyfire]

zicke, in responding at all, you fan the obsession. If you recall, there was contact previous to the P/R work.

[marlena]

Ariadne,

 

This gets more and more confusing as the plot unravels. I don't know who is who or what is what. It all smacks of mind games to me. Who is the real DG? Who is the real Wendy? Who are all these exes coincidentally showing up at the same time? How did they find out about LS and your thread? Who alerted them? Have Wendy and DG really ended it or are they pretending? If so why is she still living there? Why is she posting on her blog? Why the telling nicknames Green-eyed Pisces and Laughingourheads off ? Why didn't DG mention his break up with Wendy?

 

A million WHYS. Call me suspicius by nature but these and other questions would have me thinking long and hard.

 

DG may well be a nice guy, I can't know that although I find his website very freaky. One thing I do know is that if all this were true (and please allow me to have my doubts and DG is the ONLY person behind the emails) and he cared for you romantically, this was his chance to say so. He not only would have said so in his email, he would have called you and asked to speak to you.

 

This whole thing is beginning to sound more and more like a scene out of Fowles's The Magus. Mature and healthy people do not play these kind of games.

 

It's all smoke and mirrors as far as I can see. If I am wrong, time will tell.

[Art_Critic]

 

But now that he is single, if he doesn't care to write or anything then I might.

 

He isn't single Ariadne.. He just isn't with Wendy any more...

 

Also.. there was one big thing missing from his email reply..

He never mentioned how much you meant to him..

[Kasan]

And if anyone on the loveshack forum is worried that I'm reading the thread and feeling offended or anything, no worries--.

 

This is just too weird....

 

How come DG isn't offended?

 

I would be horribly offended if my life with all its details had been posted on a website and members called me a gamut of names from sick, narcissistic, to gay.

 

Ariadne, you are the tool that is feeding his enormous ego, and so is this forum.

 

He is keeping you engaged by continuing to respond to you and that is plain wrong IMO. How can you take this man seriously when he collects women the way that he does?

 

Ariadne, find someone who can give you everything. You deserve more than an occasional email, with some ramblings about him, him, him.

[Ariadne]

Who is the real DG?

 

He is an amazing, smart, loving and caring guy.

 

Who is the real Wendy?

 

You guys figure that out.

 

Who are all these exes coincidentally showing up at the same time?

 

Well, word goes around. This forum is pretty big and many people read it.

 

How did they find out about LS and your thread? Who alerted them?

 

It could be anybody. Someone here told me some time ago that she had let DG know about some other thread about him, and he told her that some other people had already let him know.

 

Have Wendy and DG really ended it or are they pretending?

 

I'm pretty sure they ended it.

 

But... I talked to her before when I was writing with him and she didn't want anything to do with him...

 

And she told me all the same crap that she talked about here, and then she "got engaged" because she decided that she loved him after all.

 

Now she hates him.

 

So, who knows.

 

If so why is she still living there?

 

She said why.

 

Why is she posting on her blog?

 

Dunno, but I saw my name mentioned there a bunch of times.

 

Why the telling nicknames Green-eyed Pisces and Laughingourheads off ?

 

GEP was a new poster who got caught up in the thread and joined LS. People were all confused and started ganging on her and got her banned the poor thing that had nothing to do.

 

Why didn't DG mention his break up with Wendy?

 

He hasn't been writing to me anything personal.

[Ariadne]

Crap,

 

And now I'm all sad and depressed because I think this is the end of it and that I'll never hear from him again.

 

:(

[Ariadne]

This is just too weird....

 

How come DG isn't offended?

 

I would be horribly offended if my life with all its details had been posted on a website and members called me a gamut of names from sick, narcissistic, to gay.

 

When I said that he didn't have any ego, people didn't believe me.

[Trialbyfire]

Overall, I do agree with all the posters that Ariadne is responsible for her own actions and how she chooses to address the problem. She's the only person who can step down from the fantasy.

 

I just wish that the flip side of the fantasy would stop fueling it.

[Ariadne]

However, I can't help but feel that I should not give up in trying to get through to you because I think you are a great person.

 

Thank you.

[Art_Critic]

Crap,

 

And now I'm all sad and depressed because I think this is the end of it and that I'll never hear from him again.

 

:(

 

How sad that is Ariadne that you feel an email or two every two years is what it takes to sustain a relationship and keep you happy...

 

You have been married twice before.. you actually had relationships with the guys you married so you know that it takes one on one time or face to face time to have intimacy.

How do you expect a relationship to happen with DG when there isn't anything there to sustain it ?..

He doesn't seem to want to marry you..in fact it doesn't seem to me that he even wants you in a close relationship.. the kind where you hold each other and have close intimate sharing..

 

There isn't any close intimate sharing with you and DG...

 

Why do you accept a relationship that hasn't got any intimacy in it ???

[Ariadne]

There isn't any close intimate sharing with you and DG... Why do you accept a relationship that hasn't got any intimacy in it ???

 

We did a lot of sharing before.

 

This is the first time I hear from him in two years. The guy is breaking up from an engagement and the girl is living in his house. What do you want.

 

Aside from that...

[whichwayisup]

Because you two now only communicate by email not phone, do you know how easy it is to be detached? Just think here on LS how some have no problem making someone else feel like crap, saying awful and cruel things to them...Somehow DG has detached himself making you not "real" in one sense - The opposite of what you do with him. You think he's "IT" and can see no real flaws, you see what you want to see. I hope this makes sense to you.

 

The apology, for both contacting you and not contacting you IS very telling - I give him that and in a way I think that was his way of hoping you'd get the hint that he really isn't into you.

[Calisto]

I agree. It is difficult for him to display emotion to Ariadne in his email because he doesn't have that in him. Most of us have had someone interested and upset that we didn't return their affections. I don't know about you, but while I might feel badly about it, it is difficult for me to feel really horrible about it because I don't feel the emotion for them in the first place. That is where he is right now, as it has been stated, detached emotionally.

 

He did respond which I think was a good thing.

 

To suggest that this was a P/R stunt is ludicrous. She emailed him first. She posted it. It is not like he is spending all this time considering this situation and considering that Ariadne might post this and what he is going to do. He apparently is busy in his career and personal life so to think he has plotted this email out to wreck and mess with Ariadne I feel is a way far-fetched assumption. You are giving him too much credit if you think he is actually thinking of this situation that much. It's like when you dump someone you aren't interested in, you aren't focused on how they're reacting to it and how to keep them on the line, etc. you have moved on from it and really aren't thinking about it too much. If you get an email, you aren't spending hours interpretting it or considering the sender too much, you're reading it and then going about your day/night/whatever. I think we just need to make it real here.

 

A few posters are suggesting that he owes her more, but it is not his fault that she has chosen to hang on to the fantasy of a relationship with him.

He is living his life and has moved on, was willing to have friendly email banter with her, but other than that, what is he supposed to do?

[sfsassy]

We did a lot of sharing before.

 

This is the first time I hear from him in two years. The guy is breaking up from an engagement and the girl is living in his house. What do you want.

 

Aside from that...

 

When we were together my ex and I did A LOT of sharing At the time I considered him the best friend I had EVER had. We were together 11 months. Talked marriage. And like you I was DEVESTATED when he broke up with me (the day after Christmas, over the phone, no less. The dude lived 5 minutes away.) So I truly understand where you are coming from. Though not as extreme as you, I did google him like constantly, and when I know he was single, emailed him. It didn't work. I still probably look like a pathetic girl who couldn't take a hint to him. I have come to terms with my actions, and we don't have any common friends, so overall, I am ok with stuff. However, I would HATE for someone to go through that humilating experience when it is preventable. Oh yes, and all my friends thought he was a class A jerk, but I knew him better than anyone. It's worse than rose colored glasses, it's complete blinders. Are you happy? I mean not the type of addictive high you get from a note from him (believe me I have had that. And I analyzed those emails to death, Alwways to my advantage of course ) but overall are you happy? And I realize that you don't think you would want another man, but, if you have nothing to do with him, just erase him from your mind, don't look up anything to do with him, you might in time feel differently. It took me three years, but last year I started truly llking another man. It didn't work out, but the feeling was so good. And this year I have the BIGGEST crush on someone I know. We will see what happens, but in 2005, I never thought it would be possible. And therapy helped me immensely, and it might help you.

[sb129]

I can't even go down this road again.

 

Look, DG emailed back.

 

I can also appreciate WHY he would want to contact you given the contents of the last thread.

 

But I also think that if he isn't interested in you romantically (which he clearly ISN'T) why the heck doesn't he just SPIT IT OUT.

 

Thats what suggests to me that he ENJOYS having all these women obsess over him.

 

If I was the subject of a 50 page thread which included lots of insults and posts from someone who was clearly obsessed with me, I would seriously tell that person to get a grip, and cut all contact directly after that.

[Calisto]

I think it's rather silly to say he "should" be saying this and doing that, etc. He doesn't have to come out and spill it, he probably doesn't want to hurt her further since he has already done so several times it appears. You aren't him and you can't edit what he says and doesn't say and people here are saying he should 1. contact her or 2. he was wrong by contacting her. So no matter what this guy does, he is doing the wrong thing in SOMEONE'S eyes.

 

Thing is, he isn't emotionally involved with Ariadne enough to think and overthink his actions to much. People who are saying he should be doing this or that or this to be a decent human being have spent more time thinking about this than HE has because he is just living his life and has other stuff going, his life doesn't revolve around this board or what posters on this board think about him or his website.

 

This guy just appears to want to live his life and isn't being overly engaged in this drama of Ariadne's. He was kind enough to email back.

 

 

I can't even go down this road again.

 

Look, DG emailed back.

 

I can also appreciate WHY he would want to contact you given the contents of the last thread.

 

But I also think that if he isn't interested in you romantically (which he clearly ISN'T) why the heck doesn't he just SPIT IT OUT.

 

Thats what suggests to me that he ENJOYS having all these women obsess over him.

 

If I was the subject of a 50 page thread which included lots of insults and posts from someone who was clearly obsessed with me, I would seriously tell that person to get a grip, and cut all contact directly after that.