Prenup! At what point do you reveal prenuptial interest?

[trust]

Trust,

 

You have had one marriage with one woman and what went on there is in now way any indication of all women nor are even all the men's statements on this forum.

Uh oh. You went and did it now! And? Who made that argument? I didn't. Nor did I imply absolutes. Read my posts READ MY POSTS. You've just supported my example of lack of communication by way of laziness. Read my posts.

 

Firstly, this is an internet forum where you are talking to strangers you don't even see. I take all statements here with a grain of salt as you do not know what you are reading isn't the figment of the poster's imagination. At the very least you are getting a very biased side of a two sided argument.

You are exactly right on that one. But what difference would there be if I met one of these people in person and heard their possible biased side of a two sided story? And which one is better than nothing? Don't answer that. More for others to see than you.

 

I don't mean to be mean either, but I am sure if your ex wife came on here I could feel very confident that her side would be very different than what you have posted here and she would be able to tell many examples of trying to make the marriage work.

 

For you to say on the one hand that, “most people do not walk away” means that some do. Then on the other hand you say, “I am sure if your ex wife came on here I could feel very confident that her side would be very different than what you have posted here and she would be able to tell many examples of trying to make the marriage work.” And yet not knowing the first thing about her, you would “bet” and defend her position? That doesn’t even make sense. You just showed me in writing just how stupid you are.

 

What I get tired of is so many people, men and women, who are suddenly blindsided by their significant other when in fact the signs were there long before that. You do not disconnect with your spouse and not notice it. Doing something about it, though, is a totally different story.

This is an example of all the whining you say you are tired of other people doing, right? And for you to do it and complain about it at the same time makes sense to you as well?

 

And I still feel the walk away wife is mysognistic view by men who use that as their "out" to play the victim. Bottomline, most people do not walk away from a marriage without a whole host of reasons and some energy involved to have fixed it. Ending a marriage takes work and energy and is not an easy endeavor. To do so does not indicate a lazy person. A lazy person will keep the status quo (which if you wanted to flip the generalization statements I would say, then, most men are).

Yep. I'm sure you *feel* lots of things. You're a woman. You are an emotional being. There's lots that you *feel* and when you get worked up you do more *feeling* than *reasoning* and this is one *really* good example right here. So I hear how you feel. I acknowledge how you feel. To the laziness you just spoke of... wrong... and more wrong...but at this point of me realizing just where you are...just as I did in that other thread where I abandoned dealing with you, I realize I am wasting my time. So, no explanation for you. You aren't thinking right now... you are *feeling*.

 

You can not control the other person and at some point you recognize them for who they are and either accept it or not. My husband was happy being unhappy and who am I to change that? Again he is a rational adult, if that is the direction he wants to walk down I am not going to stop him but I am not necc going to walk down it with him.

I'm well aware of what can be controlled - READ MY PRIOR POSTS. Sounds like you have some things you want to get off of your chest. I do sympathize with you on that one. I'm truly sorry to hear about your husband being unhappy...having a grip on what happiness is is a big deal. Even though it would be easy for me to take a cheapshot like the one you took with me, I'll not go there while you pour your heart out.

 

I guess you could say that I am a walk away wife but I can tell you it wasn't for lack of effort that I attempted to make things better. Children get unconditional love, you should give yourself unconditional love, a spouse does not and should not get unconditional love.

Ahhhhh...the real reason you're fuming...you feel guilty because you think you may be seen as a walkaway wife. Ok. I haven't called you that. I don't have enough information about either of you.

 

Stop the whining, figure your issues out, and move on. Why do people like to wallow in the same self pity day in and day out justifying their actions and putting all the blame on their spouse? Maybe it is easier than actually having to look at themselves and see where they made mistakes.

Stop the whining? Who in the hell forced you to read my posts? If you don’t like what you see and are calling it something ridiculous like “whining” then stop reading my posts. Problem solved. Evidently more people than not have some interest in both viewing this thread and posting here… take a look around.

 

I’m not putting all the blame on my spouse. Had you read all of my prior posts (which I’ve called you out on before in another thread) you would know that what I’ve said doesn’t indicate blame. OMG! Hear my ex’s side? LOL If that skank wasn’t on the verge of a restraining order, I’d be HAPPY for you to hear how insane she is. No better support for me than that. But as for what I want - I could care less to hear what she has to say. It's too late for that. I have other girls I'm dealing with right now. Hence the birth of this thread.

 

I am not attacking you Trust personally but just a general "you". I am in a grumpy mood and get tired of all the freaking pity parties and better than thou attitudes. It gets tiresome and is pedantic at best.

LOL Not attacking me personally? Yeah, that makes a whole lotta sense too. Then why not vent in the thread titled “Damn you general you?”

 

In closing:

You actually feel so threatened by me, along with your admitted guilt of being a walk-away-wife, that you feel the need to be aggressive (go looking for me in this unrelated thread, after I walked away from that battle in the other thread) and attack me. You're also proving my point about being a master at chip holding. Do you know what else this tells me about you? That you have bigger issues than I once thought. You know what I do with the thought of you? I think to myself, this chic is not worth the effort for me to try and reach (THAT'S WHY I LEFT THE OTHER THREAD) I’ve got so many good things going on in my life that I’m going to focus on those things. Those things are my world. What you did was make *me* your world when you put so much focus on me, especially “me” as an individual instead of someone with a common point of view and then unleashed on me in this thread. So, before I ask you to get lost, do you have anything to add about prenups?

[Lookingforward]

Ahhh... I hate to see crushed hope. Even *I* don't have crushed hope. I love women. And I have much hope.

 

 

LOL my hope isn't crushed, but my heart is still bruised and battered - maybe sometime down the road, but for now, no.

 

Trust is the hardest thing to be able to do again..........which I guess brings us full circle back to the question of prenups - if you had blind trust that forever would be forever unlike as TBF said "just for now", a prenup would be unnecessary ?

[Order & Chaos]

Uh oh. You went and did it now! And? Who made that argument? I didn't. Nor did I imply absolutes. Read my posts READ MY POSTS. You've just supported my example of lack of communication by way of laziness. Read my posts.

 

You are exactly right on that one. But what difference would there be if I met one of these people in person and heard their possible biased side of a two sided story? And which one is better than nothing? Don't answer that. More for others to see than you.

 

 

 

For you to say on the one hand that, “most people do not walk away” means that some do. Then on the other hand you say, “I am sure if your ex wife came on here I could feel very confident that her side would be very different than what you have posted here and she would be able to tell many examples of trying to make the marriage work.” And yet not knowing the first thing about her, you would “bet” and defend her position? That doesn’t even make sense. You just showed me in writing just how stupid you are.

 

 

This is an example of all the whining you say you are tired of other people doing, right? And for you to do it and complain about it at the same time makes sense to you as well?

Yep. I'm sure you *feel* lots of things. You're a woman. You are an emotional being. There's lots that you *feel* and when you get worked up you do more *feeling* than *reasoning* and this is one *really* good example right here. So I hear how you feel. I acknowledge how you feel. To the laziness you just spoke of... wrong... and more wrong...but at this point of me realizing just where you are...just as I did in that other thread where I abandoned dealing with you, I realize I am wasting my time. So, no explanation for you. You aren't thinking right now... you are *feeling*.

 

I'm well aware of what can be controlled - READ MY PRIOR POSTS. Sounds like you have some things you want to get off of your chest. I do sympathize with you on that one. I'm truly sorry to hear about your husband being unhappy...having a grip on what happiness is is a big deal. Even though it would be easy for me to take a cheapshot like the one you took with me, I'll not go there while you pour your heart out.

 

Ahhhhh...the real reason you're fuming...you feel guilty because you think you may be seen as a walkaway wife. Ok. I haven't called you that. I don't have enough information about either of you.

 

Stop the whining? Who in the hell forced you to read my posts? If you don’t like what you see and are calling it something ridiculous like “whining” then stop reading my posts. Problem solved. Evidently more people than not have some interest in both viewing this thread and posting here… take a look around.

 

I’m not putting all the blame on my spouse. Had you read all of my prior posts (which I’ve called you out on before in another thread) you would know that what I’ve said doesn’t indicate blame. OMG! Hear my ex’s side? LOL If that skank wasn’t on the verge of a restraining order, I’d be HAPPY for you to hear how insane she is. No better support for me than that. But as for what I want - I could care less to hear what she has to say. It's too late for that. I have other girls I'm dealing with right now. Hence the birth of this thread.

 

LOL Not attacking me personally? Yeah, that makes a whole lotta sense too. Then why not vent in the thread titled “Damn you general you?”

 

In closing:

You actually feel so threatened by me, along with your admitted guilt of being a walk-away-wife, that you feel the need to be aggressive (go looking for me in this unrelated thread, after I walked away from that battle in the other thread) and attack me. You're also proving my point about being a master at chip holding. Do you know what else this tells me about you? That you have bigger issues than I once thought. You know what I do with the thought of you? I think to myself, this chic is not worth the effort for me to try and reach (THAT'S WHY I LEFT THE OTHER THREAD) I’ve got so many good things going on in my life that I’m going to focus on those things. Those things are my world. What you did was make *me* your world when you put so much focus on me, especially “me” as an individual instead of someone with a common point of view and then unleashed on me in this thread. So, before I ask you to get lost, do you have anything to add about prenups?

 

Trust,

 

My apologies, it really wasn't about you. It was a compilation of multiple threads read last night. I really wasn't talking about you directly, just used some of your points as examples.

 

All I was trying to fume about was the need to look at all sides of the story, that nothing is black and white, no person is pure evil, and the whole marriage/divorce thing is a mess.

 

And I did not make you my world, please don't flatter yourself, nor do I feel in the least threatened by you or anyone else. lol. And for the recorded, I used "feel" to mean my opinion. I am a very analytical person and actually in real life am not known for being emotional.

 

And I am in no way defending your wife's position. How can I, I don't know it. I am just indicating that there are many different sides to the stories here and such hoopla and lynch mobbing is made around some things. I get tired of the seeing the snide comments, derogatory names, the low blow insults against people who aren't here and can't defend themselves. I am not saying that they (the other spouses) didn't make huge mistakes, I just don't get the anger, the childish insults, the condescending tones etc. I guess I don't understand why one gets so worked up over it.

 

So, I do apologize if it seemed I was attacking you. I wasn't, really, though looking back I can see how I was melding your stories with all the other stories. I am sorry for the perceived insults, that really wasn't my intent. But, my dear man, you don't know me, can't possibly know where I am and what I stand for/on.

 

This place is what it is. I am disappointed in what I read here and thusly in humanity and I seemed to have taken it out on you. And yes, I do have an achille's heel about this damn term, walk away wife. That is my shortcoming and my continuing guilt. At the end of the day I feel guilty that to do what is right for me may cause pain in another human being, in someone I have been trying to protect from pain since I was a teenager.

 

My apologies.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Untouchable_fire:

 

Wow, your posts are untouchable as well. I've read all your posts in this thread. Could you tell me about what age you are? Are you married? If so, is this your first marriage? And I didn't hear you say "My wife, my husband" so I have yet to figure out if you are male or female??? I'm just gathering information that will help immensely.

 

Thanks.

 

Late 20's. Previously married male.

 

All I was trying to fume about was the need to look at all sides of the story, that nothing is black and white, no person is pure evil, and the whole marriage/divorce thing is a mess.

 

This place is what it is. I am disappointed in what I read here and thusly in humanity and I seemed to have taken it out on you. And yes, I do have an achille's heel about this damn term, walk away wife. That is my shortcoming and my continuing guilt. At the end of the day I feel guilty that to do what is right for me may cause pain in another human being, in someone I have been trying to protect from pain since I was a teenager.

 

OC, keep in mind that people come here when things go wrong, not when life is all sunshine and rainbows. If you keep that in the back of your mind, these threads should not get to you all that much.

 

Also, while there are definitly two sides to every story, you will often find that facts are the same. So, just pay close attention to who does what and its easier to understand.

 

In regards to the walk away wife thing... There is a careful balance between giving and getting. Make sure you don't give, give, give, and then one day suddenly realize you have nothing left. I've seen that happen many times. Also, life has it's phases, and we don't all go through them at the same time.

 

I don't know much about your story, but in my experience, nobody is truthfully happy being unhappy.

[torranceshipman]

Hey Trust, thanks for your reply! Yea, if it got pretty serious with the guy I'm with now, I would quite like to bring it up as it's one less dealbreaker/stressor, as you say-I just didnt know if it'd be weird coming from the girl...but basically, I couldn't care less about money, so it wouldn't be much of a step for me to put that in writing by signing a prenup and I guess by getting that whole conversation out the way, itd be one less thing to stress about...I think it might be on his mind a little bit as his friends had really bad experiences...

[trust]

Late 20's. Previously married male.

 

In regards to the walk away wife thing... There is a careful balance between giving and getting. Make sure you don't give, give, give, and then one day suddenly realize you have nothing left. I've seen that happen many times. Also, life has it's phases, and we don't all go through them at the same time.

 

Untouchable_fire: Hope I don't get off of my own topic here (prenup and related) but...I wanted to comment on your comment. Make sure you don't give give give??? That's been a very confusing thing for me in marriage. My mom is a "giver." And I do believe she tried to compensate for our lack of a father (they divorced when I was 5, also my avatar is my picture when I was 5)..so she gave gave gave to her children. I picked up on this behavior...and then I became a "giver" as an adult. In my marriage...I was a "giver"...and I really think the giving spirit will get you further than the notion of 50/50. I have found that it is best to give as much you can without looking at what the other person is giving. There should be a balance but...that's a tough thing to talk about (whether or not to give give give).

 

Your thoughts?

[trust]

Order and Chaos: Apology accepted. Also accept mine for meeting your heat with some of my heat. I'm honestly not here to get "mad" or vent at anyone... I really want to learn more about relationships. I've learned *much* from this thread alone.

[JerseyShortie]

Women should get a "Porn Pre-nup"... Such as: If he looks at porn, I get everything.

[trust]

Hey Trust, thanks for your reply! Yea, if it got pretty serious with the guy I'm with now, I would quite like to bring it up as it's one less dealbreaker/stressor, as you say-I just didnt know if it'd be weird coming from the girl...but basically, I couldn't care less about money, so it wouldn't be much of a step for me to put that in writing by signing a prenup and I guess by getting that whole conversation out the way, itd be one less thing to stress about...I think it might be on his mind a little bit as his friends had really bad experiences...

 

It wouldn't be weird as far as *I'm* concerned but I'm not him...unless you've read most of my posts and decided that he sounds a lot like me...I'm a bit aggressive, an "alpha male", type A personality, and of course I've been through a tough divorce. His response will depend upon many factors. Hope some of this helped, or at least gave you the confidence to put the prenup discussion out there. Oh, and, in case you didn't read my prior posts...try changing the name of the prenup to "together forever agreement"...just say that it's something you want to add to your marriage in addition to the vows. Presentation is everything.

 

You wouldn't ask someone if they have a "retarded" child now would you? Too much stigma is attached to that word, just as there is to "prenup." So change the name! Together Forever Agreement.

[trust]

Women should get a "Porn Pre-nup"... Such as: If he looks at porn, I get everything.

 

Jersey Shortie, I like you! You're so funny. And now the porn leaked into this thread! I'm not returning to that "other thread." Too many people dumbing down sexual integrity. Poor OP. She doesn't realize she's getting into the water with the barracudas.

 

Back to prenups...although I *think* you were kidding...if you read my prior posts...dang...I forgot if I mentioned this in this thread or that stupid porn thread... but anyway, before my ex wife and I got married, we specifically discussed porn and that we both agreed that we had no current interest, and we pledged to not do it during our marriage. I honestly believe (and I really do hate giving that girl credit *as her ex husband*) that she *never* looked at porn while we were married... so even to this day I do believe she upheld that part of her agreement....So, the porn agreement was a "verbal"...I don't know if I would go so far as to put that in writing (in a prenup)...that also opens up a whole other discussion about what it means to "cheat" on your spouse...and then we open up the whole other topic of "sexual integrity"...

[Untouchable_Fire]

Untouchable_fire: Hope I don't get off of my own topic here (prenup and related) but...I wanted to comment on your comment. Make sure you don't give give give??? That's been a very confusing thing for me in marriage. My mom is a "giver." And I do believe she tried to compensate for our lack of a father (they divorced when I was 5, also my avatar is my picture when I was 5)..so she gave gave gave to her children. I picked up on this behavior...and then I became a "giver" as an adult. In my marriage...I was a "giver"...and I really think the giving spirit will get you further than the notion of 50/50. I have found that it is best to give as much you can without looking at what the other person is giving. There should be a balance but...that's a tough thing to talk about (whether or not to give give give). Your thoughts?

 

Which do you appreciate more things that are given to you... or things that you worked to earn?

 

I'm naturally a giving person, many of us are, especially those of the fairer sex. This is typically good in a relationship... for the other person. If there is a large giving imbalance it WILL cause problems.

 

Instead of doing the 50/50 thing... what you should do is when she does something for you that you like, first praise her. Then when you do nice stuff make sure she knows that your doing this... not because your just a giving person... but instead because of all the great things she does for you. Typically it's best to be specific. I want to take you out to dinner tonight to say thank you for making me breakfast this morning... ect.

 

It's very rare that a woman will really appreciate what you give, unless you show her that she earned it through her actions.

[trust]

Which do you appreciate more things that are given to you... or things that you worked to earn?

 

Ohhhh....that's a tough question...I would say it's pretty much balanced...unless you pick something specific..then you'd find more or less appreciation with this thing or that...resulting in the balance I'm claiming. Does that make sense? Unlike many other folks, I have *much* appreciation for things that are given to me. I was raised that way. I also grew up relatively poor so, I had to learn to appreciate the little I had. Not just poor in the monetary sense, but poor in the sense that I lacked love from a father I never had. He was an "absentee." He paid his child support and alimony though. I give him credit for that.

 

I'm naturally a giving person, many of us are, especially those of the fairer sex. This is typically good in a relationship... for the other person. If there is a large giving imbalance it WILL cause problems.

Exactly. And have you read "5 Love Languages *for your mate* by Gary Chapman" by any chance? I learned a whooooole lot from that book. It really helped me put things into perspective.

 

Instead of doing the 50/50 thing...

I haven't been doing the 50/50 thing...I was thinking that was what you were suggesting. Just so you know, I'm not arguing with you here...just conversing...

 

what you should do is when she does something for you that you like, first praise her. Then when you do nice stuff make sure she knows that your doing this... not because your just a giving person... but instead because of all the great things she does for you. Typically it's best to be specific. I want to take you out to dinner tonight to say thank you for making me breakfast this morning... ect.

I hear what you're saying.. I'm all for reinforcing positive behavior...but since you are being *specific*, you are starting to sound like you're keeping score...."because you did this... I will do that."....that may have more of a negative impact than positive...Instead it would make more sense to say, "I do this (specific) because I choose to love you (non-specific)." ...just something to think about...

 

It's very rare that a woman will really appreciate what you give, unless you show her that she earned it through her actions.

Careful! Jersey Shortie is going to jump in right there and say that she's the exception to that rule and then she'll do the "table turn" on you! hahahaah Just kidding... I love Jersey Shortie..she's my bud...I would welcome anything she has to say...it seems she's got a good heart.

 

You are touching on a complicated topic right there. That sounds like you are saying she has to earn your love and affection. I've found that after marriage, the flow of "love" and "affection" comes and goes. It would be a better idea to not think of making a habit out of rewarding her positive actions. There will come a time when she won't be appreciating you (and yes this goes both ways). But that brings me to my point. That if you focus on give give give...you will have that base covered instead of going into a downward spiral because you have made a habit out of rewarding the positive behavior. Are you understanding what I'm saying?

 

We're getting waaaaay off topic here... I may need to start a new thread on that one (love and affection). Not too sure how many would be interested in it though...it's a lot of work! And not many people are willing to do the work necessary to get a real good grip on that topic (as the divorce rate so proves).

[trust]

LOL my hope isn't crushed, but my heart is still bruised and battered - maybe sometime down the road, but for now, no.

 

Poor girl! Time will mend your bruised heart. There was a signature someone had on this site...it said: "One day someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else.." Maybe that will be some kind of inspiration for you? It was for me.

Trust is the hardest thing to be able to do again..........which I guess brings us full circle back to the question of prenups - if you had blind trust that forever would be forever unlike as TBF said "just for now", a prenup would be unnecessary ?

I think you will find, as you get older and more experienced, that the trust you have in others will grow as you begin to trust in yourself; trust in yourself that you are becoming a good judge of character. You can’t control what the other person does or becomes, but you can make the best call possible with the brain God gave you. How does the saying go? You can’t pick your children or your siblings..but you can pick your spouse, so choose wisely.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Ohhhh....that's a tough question...I would say it's pretty much balanced...unless you pick something specific..then you'd find more or less appreciation with this thing or that...resulting in the balance I'm claiming. Does that make sense? Unlike many other folks, I have *much* appreciation for things that are given to me. I was raised that way. I also grew up relatively poor so, I had to learn to appreciate the little I had. Not just poor in the monetary sense, but poor in the sense that I lacked love from a father I never had. He was an "absentee." He paid his child support and alimony though. I give him credit for that.

 

Well, I grew up relatively priveleged... so appreciation of gifts comes a little more difficult to me. So, in essence your making a great point.

 

If you constantly give, your SO will more than likely become accustomed to it... and less appreciative. It's simply human nature. To combat that, make her earn it sometimes.

 

Exactly. And have you read "5 Love Languages *for your mate* by Gary Chapman" by any chance? I learned a whooooole lot from that book. It really helped me put things into perspective.

 

No I have not read that book. If French is one of those languages... I'm not interested.

 

I haven't been doing the 50/50 thing...I was thinking that was what you were suggesting. Just so you know, I'm not arguing with you here...just conversing...

 

I highly respect your opinion! You will get no argument from me.

 

I hear what you're saying.. I'm all for reinforcing positive behavior...but since you are being *specific*, you are starting to sound like you're keeping score...."because you did this... I will do that."....that may have more of a negative impact than positive...Instead it would make more sense to say, "I do this (specific) because I choose to love you (non-specific)." ...just something to think about...

 

There are glass half empties and glass half fulls. Score Keeping is the glass half empty side. Yes, in a way that is what I do. However, I never say things like, " I did this... now it's your turn to do that"... ect. Which is the essence of score keeping. Instead, I approach the same idea from a positive direction. You did this nice thing... I want you to know that I appreciate it so much... I am going to do that for you!

 

Same idea... different directions.

 

Careful! Jersey Shortie is going to jump in right there and say that she's the exception to that rule and then she'll do the "table turn" on you! hahahaah Just kidding... I love Jersey Shortie..she's my bud...I would welcome anything she has to say...it seems she's got a good heart.

 

If you were into guys... I would have told you the same thing.

 

Jersey Shortie, seems very nice! She can turn my tables any day!

 

You are touching on a complicated topic right there. That sounds like you are saying she has to earn your love and affection. I've found that after marriage, the flow of "love" and "affection" comes and goes. It would be a better idea to not think of making a habit out of rewarding her positive actions. There will come a time when she won't be appreciating you (and yes this goes both ways). But that brings me to my point. That if you focus on give give give...you will have that base covered instead of going into a downward spiral because you have made a habit out of rewarding the positive behavior. Are you understanding what I'm saying?

 

Yes, I do understand what your saying. Your completely right. You should not completely stop giving just because she does. It's not really a tit for tat kind of thing. What you need to do is simply mentally link the good things you do... to the good things she does.

 

The idea is not to train yourself, so much as it is to train her. Some need it... I hear some don't.

 

We're getting waaaaay off topic here... I may need to start a new thread on that one (love and affection). Not too sure how many would be interested in it though...it's a lot of work! And not many people are willing to do the work necessary to get a real good grip on that topic (as the divorce rate so proves).

 

Maybe you should start a new thread. Then you won't just be the prenup guy.

 

In some ways our society is training us to see everything as disposable... and for our use. I'm sure that somehow affects how we view relationships as well. How many people are sitting in a relationship right now just because they don't want to be lonely?

[Lookingforward]

Women should get a "Porn Pre-nup"... Such as: If he looks at porn, I get everything.

 

because that's all that matters to you, right ?

[Lookingforward]

Poor girl! Time will mend your bruised heart. There was a signature someone had on this site...it said: "One day someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else.." Maybe that will be some kind of inspiration for you? It was for me.

I think you will find, as you get older and more experienced, that the trust you have in others will grow as you begin to trust in yourself; trust in yourself that you are becoming a good judge of character. You can’t control what the other person does or becomes, but you can make the best call possible with the brain God gave you. How does the saying go? You can’t pick your children or your siblings..but you can pick your spouse, so choose wisely.

 

 

ummm honey, I'm quite old enough by now roflmao

 

please stop presuming (and assuming) quite so much about posters and you won't make these faux pas

 

and yes that's Art Critic's sig and I already complimented him on it

[trust]

ummm honey, I'm quite old enough by now roflmao

 

please stop presuming (and assuming) quite so much about posters and you won't make these faux pas

 

Sweetiebaby, it's not a faux pas yet. Let me explain. I wasn't saying you are "young" or "old." I was linking *experience* with *time* (you get older in time, not old per se, and in time you gain more experience).

 

Jersey Shortie claims she's in her twenties...so I found that although there's a remote possibility, it's very unusual for someone at her young age to have alllllll that experience...that's pretty much the only time I made a comment with assumptions about age per se (if you read my posts, I usually ask flat out). And I only did that *after* she claimed she is in her twenties. She has yet to show me some ID so even that one's not a faux pas yet.

 

and yes that's Art Critic's sig and I already complimented him on it

hahaha Wow...you are pretty familiar with these parts.

[Lookingforward]

Sweetiebaby, it's not a faux pas yet. Let me explain. I wasn't saying you are "young" or "old." I was linking *experience* with *time* (you get older in time, not old per se, and in time you gain more experience).

 

Jersey Shortie claims she's in her twenties...so I found that although there's a remote possibility, it's very unusual for someone at her young age to have alllllll that experience...that's pretty much the only time I made a comment with assumptions about age per se (if you read my posts, I usually ask flat out). And I only did that *after* she claimed she is in her twenties. She has yet to show me some ID so even that one's not a faux pas yet.

 

 

hahaha Wow...you are pretty familiar with these parts.

 

I've been a member since around this time last year - not that difficult to figure out.

 

and fwiw I've also had plenty of "life experience", probably a great deal more than yourself so save the condescention if you please....it's not attractive

[trust]

I've been a member since around this time last year - not that difficult to figure out.

 

and fwiw I've also had plenty of "life experience", probably a great deal more than yourself so save the condescention if you please....it's not attractive

 

Sounds like somebody is a little "testy" today. I apologize for offering up advice. I should have assumed that you have more experience and that you know better than I no matter what the area may be. I also apologize for coming across as condescending...which is nearly impossible to do when *writing* about heated subjects, especially when two people have opposing views. If I really wanted to be condescending, I'd ask you to try and spell it correctly - it's "condescension", not "condescention" (when there's a red thingy below the word, this usually means something's afoot.) Forgive me for not using the ideal polite formalities that you are a master at using, such as your use of sarcasm in dispensing your advice of what you would say to me, and you did it in your very first post: "I hope you and your prenup will be very happy together, cos I'm gone". Did I go and ask you to save the sarcasm? No. I actually laughed it off..maybe this is what bothered you so much...that I don't really care. But you being a typical chick, this is what you do...get off of the subject, especially when you are not making much sense, then play the victim over something small and petty. The previous is a technique that I believe many woman are wired to do, whether they realize they are doing it or not. Also forgive me for the sarcasm, for this I am *truly* guilty of. As for the last part, I really have no care about what you find attractive. That's not why I'm here. (sigh)

 

I'm going to choose to break out of the petty bickering right.......NOW.

 

BACK ON TOPIC: Please see my next post.

[trust]

You know another thing I find interesting? Is in real life (not yet in this thread) I talk to married couples who say they would *not* do a prenup…yet when I ask about their “financial arrangement” it looks A LOT LIKE a prenup! That’s HUGELY funny to me. I mean c’mon. Separate accounts? Your money? My money? What they hell? What did they just do? They took care of the “appreciation” contingency in a prenup without actually drawing up a written contract. It was verbal! And since they agreed to this arrangement, time has passed, money is spent, it just didn’t have to be dealt with after a divorce because all of this activity has passed *during* marriage. I should give that group a name…and I think I will… how about….suedo-nuppers? LOL

 

When I was married, I was against the prenup and *totally* against separate accounts. Separate accounts resembled a prenup so I didn't do it. Does anyone have any experience with such a financial arrangement in their marriage?

[carhill]

Don't know if it exemplifies your assertion, but my wife and I have separate businesses, separate accounts, real estate in our own names (sole and separate) and she kept her maiden name, as that was her professional name. We got married late (40's) so had substantial and diverse assets prior to getting married. Oh, also, she makes more (money) than I do.

 

How did I do?

[Lookingforward]

Sounds like somebody is a little "testy" today. I apologize for offering up advice. I should have assumed that you have more experience and that you know better than I no matter what the area may be. I also apologize for coming across as condescending...which is nearly impossible to do when *writing* about heated subjects, especially when two people have opposing views. If I really wanted to be condescending, I'd ask you to try and spell it correctly - it's "condescension", not "condescention" (when there's a red thingy below the word, this usually means something's afoot.) Forgive me for not using the ideal polite formalities that you are a master at using, such as your use of sarcasm in dispensing your advice of what you would say to me, and you did it in your very first post: "I hope you and your prenup will be very happy together, cos I'm gone". Did I go and ask you to save the sarcasm? No. I actually laughed it off..maybe this is what bothered you so much...that I don't really care. But you being a typical chick, this is what you do...get off of the subject, especially when you are not making much sense, then play the victim over something small and petty. The previous is a technique that I believe many woman are wired to do, whether they realize they are doing it or not. Also forgive me for the sarcasm, for this I am *truly* guilty of. As for the last part, I really have no care about what you find attractive. That's not why I'm here. (sigh)

 

I'm going to choose to break out of the petty bickering right.......NOW.

 

BACK ON TOPIC: Please see my next post.

 

 

never made a typo huh ? must be nice to be perfect LMAO oh and my response to your first post wasn't to YOU per se - but to whomever posed a prenup to me in that situation......

[trust]

never made a typo huh ? must be nice to be perfect LMAO oh and my response to your first post wasn't to YOU per se - but to whomever posed a prenup to me in that situation......

 

Lookingforward...For what it's worth -I like you. I am "looking forward" to more meaningful conversation though.

 

My example was not one of a comparison or the existence of a grammatical error (mine vs yours), but was an example of what I would have said to you if I wanted to be condescending (and condescending to a *strong* degree). Ya know, there's this guy on this other site I frequent, who "taps me on the shoulder" every chance he gets, to let me know how bad my sentence structure is. I could very easily take what he's doing personally, and then respond from that emotion (hey! you just made me look dumb...) instead, I think (hey, *I* just made me look dumb..and I'm glad he corrected me..because he's right. I'll actually tighten up now). But that's one difference between you and I. You respond more from emotion (chic), I respond more from reason (man). Thank you for helping me support that point.

 

I think what this comes down to is this: I’m shooting for fun banter. I missed with you, as you translated my print into ugly sarcasm (and I admit, at some point, it did “go there” but not at the point where you balked. You, by the way, set the standard when you opened with sarcasm.) I think much of how you read it reflects upon your attitude…or at the least, and giving you the benefit of the doubt, your attitude at the moment of reply. Just something for you to think about…ooopss..there I go again with the advice.

 

Here’s where you have a choice; stop conversing with me, and converse more with the folks who treat you like the delicate flower that you are. Chics.

[trust]

Don't know if it exemplifies your assertion, but my wife and I have separate businesses, separate accounts, real estate in our own names (sole and separate) and she kept her maiden name, as that was her professional name. We got married late (40's) so had substantial and diverse assets prior to getting married. Oh, also, she makes more (money) than I do.

 

How did I do?

 

I believe that may exemplify my assertion. But I'll need you to help me think it out. Just something I find odd. I look at what the prenup requires, then I compare with folks who don't have a prenup. And if their financial arrangement looks a lot like the prenup, then what's the difference? It's a verbal. Do you agree?

 

I guess what I'm getting at really doesn't apply to you, since I think your vote was a "yes" in favor of prenups. I'd be more interested in someone in your situation who said "no" to the idea of a prenup, yet had the financial arrangement of a prenup. Can you make any guesses for that group? Maybe someone who is in that group will be reading and will actually jump in and correct you. So I guess I'm asking for your opinion, and for you to agree to be "bait."

[trust]

never made a typo huh ? must be nice to be perfect LMAO oh and my response to your first post wasn't to YOU per se - but to whomever posed a prenup to me in that situation......

 

Sorry I just saw your "per se" excuse. "sarcasm per se" - whatever! Then write off my alleged condescension as "condescension per se" as directed towards your "hypothetical you". ......There...we're back to square one. So lame.