XMM emailed me at work. my response should be?

[White Flower]

Hmm - even as a kid I never felt the urge to stick balloons under my jumper to improve my cleavage...

Not even tissues?

[OWoman]

Not even tissues?

 

Tissues don't pop when you stick hot potlids against them, though!

[White Flower]

Tissues don't pop when you stick hot potlids against them, though!

That was one of the funniest all-time scenes!

[OWoman]

That was one of the funniest all-time scenes!

 

Yes I was surprised there was no camera shake!

[White Flower]

Yes I was surprised there was no camera shake!

Yes, it was filmed brilliantly. Another positive thing about the film was that it strongly portrayed a final message that all families are different and being different is OK. Another final message was that divorcing parents should not put blame on each other. Kids deserve so much more than that.

 

NES, is sorry for the thread-jack. Do you have an update?

[biffster]

NES - the NC has to come from within ... you have to know really and truly what is best for you in your own heart ... if you really and truly want to end things with him, then don't respond to anything ... that is the only way to do it ... true NC ... you don't have to explain why to him, he already knows why! The only thing you are doing wrong, is not being true to yourself ....

 

... if you really want NC, then you can get it .. just by not responding ... but, if you want to continue with him, or feel the need to talk to him then you will angst over it and try to find the right angle ... you will do whatever it is that you truly, deep from withim really want to do ...

 

... until you hit that magic button inside of yourself that says "I really and truly don't want this!" You will agonize endlessly ... if you want to have one last chat with him before going full NC ... try this ...

 

"Listen, you are supposed to love me, and if you have any respect for me or yourself at all you will just let me go - we have to be mature about this. We are both adults ... Come On! I really don't want this, now please, this is getting ridiculous... let's just both stop acting like babies and move on"

 

... but, this has to come from within ... when you really feel within yourself that you don't deserve to play second fiddle to ANYONE ... you will have no problem cutting him off .. true, you may still love him, and may wish things were different, but until you can recognize and truly appreciate for yourself ... and honestly believe that you deserve better, this will just keep going in circles ... you really must have conviction that there is a better way for you out there ... and never be afraid to lose him ... for you have lost nothing but the crumbs you were getting ...

 

.... just cut him off --- I had plenty of MMs chase me ... and I never slipped up and made a mistake of getting involved with one until recently ... but that's another story ... you can read it on "I need support" if you wish ... but, the point is, I NEVER had a problem getting rid of any of them because I truly had no interest in engaging ... the email would come ... I automatically hit delete without even reading it! Then, they just stop ... any little encouragement from you along the way will allow this to continue ... when the emails come, just hit delete ... don't even read them ... and if he really just gets out of hand, you may try telling him what I mentioed above ... but not in the email, over the phone ... or, send it to his personal email ... and then that's it ... just cut him off!!

[pelicanpreacher]

I'm glad someone got to enjoy the imagery.

 

Really, I imagine him moving in with his mother and I hope to tell him, 'Now you both can be together all the time and you can take care of the woman you really care about!' What is sad is when she dies what the heck is he going to do. The mutual admiration society will only have one member.

 

The Horror....the horror!

[frannie]

I'm glad someone got to enjoy the imagery.

 

Really, I imagine him moving in with his mother and I hope to tell him, 'Now you both can be together all the time and you can take care of the woman you really care about!' What is sad is when she dies what the heck is he going to do. The mutual admiration society will only have one member.

 

Surely he's going to stuff her and keep her in the apple cellar..?

[OWoman]

Surely he's going to stuff her and keep her in the apple cellar..?

 

 

As opposed to keeping her in the cellar and stuffing her, a la Fritzl?

[pelicanpreacher]

wow pelican your really good at this you SHOULD write a book! or be a psychologist or something LOL.

 

man, my XMM is def. number 3. i was beg. to think he was a narcissist but i see SO many signs of how he views his wife (withholding emotional comfort from HER b/c she doesnt bend to his every whim- she does make good money too- & then blaming the fact that there M is distant on HER), & me (i do have a strong nurturing instinct & he liked to make me feel guilty for not taking care of him enough or hurting HIS feelings by telling him when -I- was hurt... crazy). but his mom died when he was pretty young, a young teenager, so i dont know if that has anything to do w/ his personality.

 

of course i love him & i think of all his good sides too- he can be very charming & doting & hes very smart. but it helps to look at him in an objective way- his good & bad parts instead of the side he may show me to 'woo' me into his 'circle of adoration' LOL

 

whiteflower- i was thinking of your ? about when i started to notice how self centered XMM was. well i had signs of it all along. they are clear as day looking back w/ better perspective. & i even saw them at the time but i was too in love w/ him to stop & think. he told me bad things about nearly everyone at work & told me i should just take projects from a few 'okay' ppl (who were all his friends) & him. if i had a good relationship w/ someone at work he would find a way to ruin it- he would tell me something bad they said about me or my work behind my back (maybe he made it up!?) or he woudl tell me they werent being fair or they were to difficult to work for & i would believe him, stupidly. so i burned a lot of bridges b/c i wanted to impress him & i thought he was guiding me but now i realise he was just trying to get me under his exclusive control. UGH i did so many things wrong!!

 

i was just reading an old journal entry where he was mad that i was paying more attention to my friend's baby that i was babysitting than i was to him when he was over for a visit. he left my house in a huff for no reason (at least that i could figure out). NOW i realise its b/c he didnt feel i was paying him enough attention. & i had even written in my journal things he said to that effect. 'your going to put the baby to sleep in your BEDroom, where we are?' (uh yeah b/c i need to WATCH her... weirdo. at the time i was THINKING that & i even said to him, why are you acting this way?!?! but i didnt have the clear sight to realise he was so self centered & this was just a part of his personality. geez imagine if we HAD had kids... pelicans predictions about him being jealous of even our kids might have come true! yikes scary thought.)

 

Now you know what to tell your daughter when you have that talk about "the Birds and the Bees"!

[pelicanpreacher]

This shall be your theme song....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMSFX1Vb3xQ You may have to cut and paste this to your url to open the page.

[pelicanpreacher]

Oberlin???????????????

 

You're in the right state!...I think!

[White Flower]

Surely he's going to stuff her and keep her in the apple cellar..?

Then she'll only be good for worhipping and idolizing, but no longer in service. By service, I mean bowing down before his throne.

[pelicanpreacher]

Yes, it was filmed brilliantly. Another positive thing about the film was that it strongly portrayed a final message that all families are different and being different is OK. Another final message was that divorcing parents should not put blame on each other. Kids deserve so much more than that.

 

NES, is sorry for the thread-jack. Do you have an update?

 

I agree...For blame is a game for children and old men!

[OWoman]

I agree...For blame is a game for children and old men!

 

And lawyers...

[neverendingsaga]

 

NES, is sorry for the thread-jack. Do you have an update?

 

still doing nc. ive just been focusing on myself... this weekend i went out w/ my friends, got a pedi & mani, read some of a good book, etc. im just trying to pamper myself & ignore XMM. he called on sat. & i didnt answer. i did check his VM, that was prolly a mistake. he said i dont have to call him back but his one important ? that hed really like me answer is- how can he know for sure that im sure i want to be w/ him?

 

that just really DID it & thats when i started pampering myself & trying not to even THINK of him. thats why i stayed away from here, it really makes me think about him. but here i am b/c yes i still think of him, it was just easier to block him out this weekend & do stuff w/ friends.

 

im so mad that he left me that VM. for one thing hed told me he understands why he cant contact me & he'll 'leave me alone.' i was so happy that maybe he DID understand & care about me enough not to be selfish. but w/ his VM he totally went against all that & showed me it was just BS as usual. and how could THAT be his question. why does he have to make me feel guilty all the time & question whether I'VE done enough for him. ive waited on him for a very long time, i only recently started going on some dates & they werent even fun, my heart was still w/ him, i just did it to go through the motions and TRY.

 

i feel down again, just b/c i feel pathetic. i gave him my whole heart & now he asks how he can be sure I'M sure i want to be w/ him. i guess that just means hes unsure about getting D'ed (although he says hes getting D'ed w/ or w/out me but where i play a part is how FAST he gets D'ed... whatever), and he wouldnt be doing it, or doing it as quickly, if he thinks im not here to catch him when he jumps.

 

if he doesnt know that then i dont know ANYTHING about him. F him. im serious. sorry for my anger.

 

the good news is that i have a job interview this morning. wish me luck. i never want to see him again.

[pelicanpreacher]

And lawyers...

 

I forgot about that component!

[pelicanpreacher]

still doing nc. ive just been focusing on myself... this weekend i went out w/ my friends, got a pedi & mani, read some of a good book, etc. im just trying to pamper myself & ignore XMM. he called on sat. & i didnt answer. i did check his VM, that was prolly a mistake. he said i dont have to call him back but his one important ? that hed really like me answer is- how can he know for sure that im sure i want to be w/ him?

 

that just really DID it & thats when i started pampering myself & trying not to even THINK of him. thats why i stayed away from here, it really makes me think about him. but here i am b/c yes i still think of him, it was just easier to block him out this weekend & do stuff w/ friends.

 

im so mad that he left me that VM. for one thing hed told me he understands why he cant contact me & he'll 'leave me alone.' i was so happy that maybe he DID understand & care about me enough not to be selfish. but w/ his VM he totally went against all that & showed me it was just BS as usual. and how could THAT be his question. why does he have to make me feel guilty all the time & question whether I'VE done enough for him. ive waited on him for a very long time, i only recently started going on some dates & they werent even fun, my heart was still w/ him, i just did it to go through the motions and TRY.

 

i feel down again, just b/c i feel pathetic. i gave him my whole heart & now he asks how he can be sure I'M sure i want to be w/ him. i guess that just means hes unsure about getting D'ed (although he says hes getting D'ed w/ or w/out me but where i play a part is how FAST he gets D'ed... whatever), and he wouldnt be doing it, or doing it as quickly, if he thinks im not here to catch him when he jumps.

 

if he doesnt know that then i dont know ANYTHING about him. F him. im serious. sorry for my anger.

 

the good news is that i have a job interview this morning. wish me luck. i never want to see him again.

 

Like I said before, you don't need to throw yourself into the arms of another man right now. I think serious dating is too early for you at this point. GO OUT WITH A GAGGLE OF YOUR GIRLFRIENDS AND PAINT THE TOWN RED! Dust off your Prince CD of 1999 and go hit the local casino or visit a Chippendale's show...you just might be luckier than you think! (Don't fall into any destructive patterns though... Do all within the parameters of fun for fun's sake). I completely endorse your efforts to pamper yourself. I'd like to hear more about your exploits in self exploration and the adventures that ensue along those lines. Seeking employment elsewhere is a powerfully appropriate step in your gameplan to distance yourself from your MM but I'd also advise that you change your number(s) and email addresses to deny him any easy access to you. Good luck and keep plugging away. When you finally arrive at your Chi then watch out...

"Woman Hear You Roar"!

 

"Bon Chance" on the job interview!

[OWoman]

how can he know for sure that im sure i want to be w/ him?

 

He really doesn't get it.

[neverendingsaga]

i guess he doesnt get it. i hate how it makes me question myself, like, did i hesitate at all, did i act like i wouldnt meet him halfway, did all my conversations about guilt & the 'right thing to do' make him feel like i wouldnt want to be w/ someone who 'left his wife' for me?

 

but when i really think about it i KNOW i have shown him i love him, & all im doing now is demanding what i know i deserve, or nothing. so maybe this is just his way to turn it back on me & make himself feel better, like, 'i havent left B/C she hasnt done enough for me.' well how can i win w/ that attitude. i can give him EVERYTHING and i feel i have and he will still think its not enough.

 

im kind of down today, just depressed in general about where i am & how ive gotten here. sometimes i wish he would just come up to me & say 'i filed for D'. other time i want him to drop off the face of the planet. how can i be so inconsistent even in my thinking. the good thing is no matter what im being super consistent in my ACTIONS, im not responding to anything he throws at me. if he doesnt GET IT that i deserve a man whose available to give me all of him, and that if he cant offer that he better keep walking no matter how strongly i feel about him, then he is NOT the man for me. that is the mantra i keep repeating to myself. i deserve more. i deserve more i deserve more. dont settle dont settle. it gets me thru but man this is really hard.

[bentnotbroken]

Let him drop off the face of the planet. Didn't ask him not to contact you? What did he do, contacted you anyway. You told him you needed to take care of you and what did he do, called to hurt more. It is all about him and how he feels. He is stringing you and his wife along until he gets what he wants from one or both of you. Excuse me, but this is a selfish boil on the @$$ of humanity. I know that is harsh, but it pisses me off when a woman tells a man what they need and they still don't get it.

 

Take care of you. Don't second guess yourself. You were clear about what you wanted him to do and he didn't listen.

[NewSunrise]

Back! Boy LS can be so addicting (LOL!) that it's as bad as watching soap opera all day. No TV here so life is good.

i guess he doesnt get it. i hate how it makes me question myself, like, did i hesitate at all, did i act like i wouldnt meet him halfway, did all my conversations about guilt & the 'right thing to do' make him feel like i wouldnt want to be w/ someone who 'left his wife' for me?

He doesn't get it. Often they don't.

 

Ironically, this is exactly what I went through except from the other side of the fence as a former BS. At some point you and his W competes for his "love" (sounds sick now for me) that boosts cheater's ego. During MC, Plan A&B, NC (BS also goes through this process), I went through a lot of self doubts to the point that it destroyed part of my self-esteem. And yes, I questioned myself, "Do I want to stay knowing he's cheated?" It was an emotional battle as much as it is for you. And then at some point, you have to make a decision to hang on or move on. Do you hang on with the hope that he will choose you over his W or do you move on? But the emotional challenge doesn't stop once you make a decision. You will again be challenged with this nagging question of "how can I trust him?" should you hang on. BUT if you decide to move on, this question doesn't exist, does it?

 

i only recently started going on some dates & they werent even fun, my heart was still w/ him, i just did it to go through the motions and TRY.

Don't. You're not ready. Any guys you date won't have a chance in heaven to woo you because you haven't healed from this experience. Every guy you'll meet, you'll use this XMM as a measuring stick.

 

What you need is TIME. The rest will take care of itself. Keep doing what you're doing. Changing your phone number, blocking it, etc isn't going to do you diddly squat. Why bother? You're still going to wonder anyway whether or not he'd tried calling. Your best revenge is not answering and keep deleting his VM. The more you do this, it gets easier and it'll boosts your strength.

 

What you do in between your pedi, mani, hanging with your GFs is what's important. While they help soooo much, they are "temporary" fixes and detours to what you should, could or need to be doing. Focus on redefining yourself. Things are very confusing right now. Quite natural at this stage. So take your time. What made you happy prior to the MM? Was there something, anything that you weren't fulfilling? Anything that you've always wanted to do that took you off course before the MM came along?

 

You're on the right course.

 

Like you, I wish my XWS could just drop off from the face of this Earth:D.

[neverendingsaga]

Let him drop off the face of the planet. Didn't ask him not to contact you? What did he do, contacted you anyway. You told him you needed to take care of you and what did he do, called to hurt more. It is all about him and how he feels. He is stringing you and his wife along until he gets what he wants from one or both of you. Excuse me, but this is a selfish boil on the @$$ of humanity. I know that is harsh, but it pisses me off when a woman tells a man what they need and they still don't get it.

 

Take care of you. Don't second guess yourself. You were clear about what you wanted him to do and he didn't listen.

 

thanks BNB. i apprecite your advice & i understand your frustration. im sure hes doing something similar to his W (bolded part). what i dont understand is, WHAT, does he want from one or both of us???? i dont know what else i can possibly give him.

 

at one point after i called off our A but while we were still talking (before NC), he told me he was thinking of telling his W he was in love w/ me & wanted to be w/ me. (kind of like his latest 'going public' plan... also half baked). i said okay. then he was like, wouldnt that be selfish of me? i said, well, continuing on the A w/ me, even just emotionally... but telling me you love me & want to be w/ me, while staying w/ her is selfish, so at least this would be selfish & honest instead of selfish & deceptive.

 

he went on & on about how he thinks its the right thing to do & he would rather hurt her quickly w/ the truth then string it along w/ lying. i was like okay, good. then he asked me, would you feel guilty like you wrecked a M? I said, i feel guilty about having an A w/ you but thats why i stopped. i feel guilty about what we did but theres no changing that. if we're continuing this in any way shape or form then we are still doing the wrong thing & the right thing to do is either STOP or tell her. (thats actully when i started thinking about going NC if he didnt make a big change soon.) plus, he told me from the beg. that there M was horrible & they were seperated & getting D'ed & that it would be impossible to have these strong feelings for me is his M was good etc. so i reminded him of all that stuff he used to tell me whenever we were together & he was seperated & i was feeling bad like maybe i was the reason they were getting D'ed. he always told me i WASNT the reason at all, that hed be getting D'ed w/ or w/out me.

 

but at that time when he was talking about telling his W the truth, he said, 'lets just say hypothetically that my M was kind of bad before you came along but i didnt really realise it untill you did. maybe we werent def. getting D'ed before you. so what? what does that matter, i still know that your the one i want to be w/ & i have these amazing feelings for, & that is a really good reason not to be M'ed to her.'

 

i dont get it, its like he was trying to MAKE me feel guilty (guiltier, i already felt guilty) & now he is holding against me the fact that i feel guilty so maybe im not sure i want him or we would work out or something. when he said all that back then i said, 'if you are trying to tell me that you would not be getting D'ed if it werent for me, or even if your unsure if you would be, then i need to walk away. you always told me your M was over & you were in the process of D when you met me & it had nothing to do w/ me. so if now your saying that wasnt true, i need to leave. i could not look at her in the future knowing that you might still be M'ed to her if it werent for me.'

 

then he was like 'no, im not saying that at all, it was just hypotheticals.' ?!?! i still think about that & wonder WHY he would give me hypos that arent true. he said 'i already knew my M was bad & we were already ending it & these feelings i have for you & the fact i want to be w/ you is just further proof of why i know for sure i need to get D'ed. plus when you broke off the A i went to MC & tried to work it out but it didnt work out even when you were long gone, so i know for sure that is has nothing to do w/ you. i was just saying, what if it did.'

 

i think about all this & im so confused. like how could i have NOT felt like maybe i was wrecking there M when he told me that stuff. but after he told me that stuff (along w/ stringing me along & saying his D was coming very soon, when it wasnt/ didnt), then i left, to get away from it all. so NOW he is saying i didnt give him enough or show him enough that im sure i want to be w/ him. i mean how else could i have been... i have read some OW on here who tell the MM to come live w/ them while he goes thru the D, or who tell the MMs W so he'll pick her, etc. no offense to those OWs but that is NOT me. maybe he needed an OW like that. well then im not the right girl for him b/c i was NOT going to pull him away from his M, that is up to him to do. i think even my BEING there talking to him/ having an EA was maybe putting to much of an influence on him to leave (Even though he always said he WAS leaving anyway), & making me feel to guilty about his W & too mad to be being strung along by him too that i went nc. and now he holds that against me i guess, B/C i wasnt saying 'heres a nice house for us to live in & i will pamper to your every need while your still Med to your wife.' no way gross. maybe thats what he wanted me to do, like when he said 'im thinking i should tell my W' i would say 'ok, now we can live together & ill help you deal w/ all of that.'

 

well i guess im not enough of a doormat for him and thats why he thinks im unsure. all i know is i cant give him one more ounce of me. he doesnt give me anything but words. and prolly the same to his W.

 

(sorry BNB i didnt mean to go off on such a rant. im just in a crappy runchy mood)

[neverendingsaga]

Back! Boy LS can be so addicting (LOL!) that it's as bad as watching soap opera all day. No TV here so life is good.

 

He doesn't get it. Often they don't.

 

Ironically, this is exactly what I went through except from the other side of the fence as a former BS. At some point you and his W competes for his "love" (sounds sick now for me) that boosts cheater's ego. During MC, Plan A&B, NC (BS also goes through this process), I went through a lot of self doubts to the point that it destroyed part of my self-esteem. And yes, I questioned myself, "Do I want to stay knowing he's cheated?" It was an emotional battle as much as it is for you. And then at some point, you have to make a decision to hang on or move on. Do you hang on with the hope that he will choose you over his W or do you move on? But the emotional challenge doesn't stop once you make a decision. You will again be challenged with this nagging question of "how can I trust him?" should you hang on. BUT if you decide to move on, this question doesn't exist, does it?

 

 

Don't. You're not ready. Any guys you date won't have a chance in heaven to woo you because you haven't healed from this experience. Every guy you'll meet, you'll use this XMM as a measuring stick.

 

What you need is TIME. The rest will take care of itself. Keep doing what you're doing. Changing your phone number, blocking it, etc isn't going to do you diddly squat. Why bother? You're still going to wonder anyway whether or not he'd tried calling. Your best revenge is not answering and keep deleting his VM. The more you do this, it gets easier and it'll boosts your strength.

 

What you do in between your pedi, mani, hanging with your GFs is what's important. While they help soooo much, they are "temporary" fixes and detours to what you should, could or need to be doing. Focus on redefining yourself. Things are very confusing right now. Quite natural at this stage. So take your time. What made you happy prior to the MM? Was there something, anything that you weren't fulfilling? Anything that you've always wanted to do that took you off course before the MM came along?

 

You're on the right course.

 

Like you, I wish my XWS could just drop off from the face of this Earth:D.

 

thanks sunrise. its really good to hear a BS point of view & to realise even more that hes been doing this to BOTH of us. only i have a choice, im not married to him, i can walk away. so i am... but it still feels so hard & i wish i could be as strong as you sound.

 

im working on my career which was very imp. to me before XMM came along & made it all about him. im working on reestablishing my friends who i always dumped in favor of XMM or kept XMM a secret from them so i didnt feel as close to them & they could tell something was up long after i ended the PA. and im working on working out which always helps my stress. these are things that have NOTHING to do w/ XMM & that does make me feel better about me.

[bentnotbroken]

thanks BNB. i apprecite your advice & i understand your frustration. im sure hes doing something similar to his W (bolded part). what i dont understand is, WHAT, does he want from one or both of us???? i dont know what else i can possibly give him.

 

at one point after i called off our A but while we were still talking (before NC), he told me he was thinking of telling his W he was in love w/ me & wanted to be w/ me. (kind of like his latest 'going public' plan... also half baked). i said okay. then he was like, wouldnt that be selfish of me? i said, well, continuing on the A w/ me, even just emotionally... but telling me you love me & want to be w/ me, while staying w/ her is selfish, so at least this would be selfish & honest instead of selfish & deceptive.

 

he went on & on about how he thinks its the right thing to do & he would rather hurt her quickly w/ the truth then string it along w/ lying. i was like okay, good. then he asked me, would you feel guilty like you wrecked a M? I said, i feel guilty about having an A w/ you but thats why i stopped. i feel guilty about what we did but theres no changing that. if we're continuing this in any way shape or form then we are still doing the wrong thing & the right thing to do is either STOP or tell her. (thats actully when i started thinking about going NC if he didnt make a big change soon.) plus, he told me from the beg. that there M was horrible & they were seperated & getting D'ed & that it would be impossible to have these strong feelings for me is his M was good etc. so i reminded him of all that stuff he used to tell me whenever we were together & he was seperated & i was feeling bad like maybe i was the reason they were getting D'ed. he always told me i WASNT the reason at all, that hed be getting D'ed w/ or w/out me.

 

but at that time when he was talking about telling his W the truth, he said, 'lets just say hypothetically that my M was kind of bad before you came along but i didnt really realise it untill you did. maybe we werent def. getting D'ed before you. so what? what does that matter, i still know that your the one i want to be w/ & i have these amazing feelings for, & that is a really good reason not to be M'ed to her.'

 

i dont get it, its like he was trying to MAKE me feel guilty (guiltier, i already felt guilty) & now he is holding against me the fact that i feel guilty so maybe im not sure i want him or we would work out or something. when he said all that back then i said, 'if you are trying to tell me that you would not be getting D'ed if it werent for me, or even if your unsure if you would be, then i need to walk away. you always told me your M was over & you were in the process of D when you met me & it had nothing to do w/ me. so if now your saying that wasnt true, i need to leave. i could not look at her in the future knowing that you might still be M'ed to her if it werent for me.'

 

then he was like 'no, im not saying that at all, it was just hypotheticals.' ?!?! i still think about that & wonder WHY he would give me hypos that arent true. he said 'i already knew my M was bad & we were already ending it & these feelings i have for you & the fact i want to be w/ you is just further proof of why i know for sure i need to get D'ed. plus when you broke off the A i went to MC & tried to work it out but it didnt work out even when you were long gone, so i know for sure that is has nothing to do w/ you. i was just saying, what if it did.'

 

i think about all this & im so confused. like how could i have NOT felt like maybe i was wrecking there M when he told me that stuff. but after he told me that stuff (along w/ stringing me along & saying his D was coming very soon, when it wasnt/ didnt), then i left, to get away from it all. so NOW he is saying i didnt give him enough or show him enough that im sure i want to be w/ him. i mean how else could i have been... i have read some OW on here who tell the MM to come live w/ them while he goes thru the D, or who tell the MMs W so he'll pick her, etc. no offense to those OWs but that is NOT me. maybe he needed an OW like that. well then im not the right girl for him b/c i was NOT going to pull him away from his M, that is up to him to do. i think even my BEING there talking to him/ having an EA was maybe putting to much of an influence on him to leave (Even though he always said he WAS leaving anyway), & making me feel to guilty about his W & too mad to be being strung along by him too that i went nc. and now he holds that against me i guess, B/C i wasnt saying 'heres a nice house for us to live in & i will pamper to your every need while your still Med to your wife.' no way gross. maybe thats what he wanted me to do, like when he said 'im thinking i should tell my W' i would say 'ok, now we can live together & ill help you deal w/ all of that.'

 

well i guess im not enough of a doormat for him and thats why he thinks im unsure. all i know is i cant give him one more ounce of me. he doesnt give me anything but words. and prolly the same to his W.

 

(sorry BNB i didnt mean to go off on such a rant. im just in a crappy runchy mood)

 

 

 

Rants are a necessary part of healing, do them often to cleanse the spirit and the soul of the crap that we tend to heap on ourselves.