White Flower Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 The only scripture I can think of is in 2 Corinthians 7:10. Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret. I am not sure that is what you are talking about, but I will do some research. Thanks, Bent. I knew you'd come through. I think this scripture is the one. NES, you are repentent, so don't regret anything!! Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 this is really true!! maybe i had to find out the hard way that being an OW or any part of a cheating senario is just not for me. i do have regrets but i guess i can use them to my advantage as a reminder to do things that make me feel strong proud & happy instead of down & regretful & weak. i guess it all works together to show me where NOT to go in the future. Exactly! You've been there, done that and it forged a new you. Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 Ladies, Ladies, Ladies... Although I defined 3 distinct categories for "Momma's Boys" you have to remember that many individuals are an amalgamation of some percentage of all 3 classes. Its why I advise women to never marry before the age of 25 and select a man no younger than 30 for a spouse. This gives everyone a chance to sow their wild oats while learning how to conduct themselves when presented with a variety of scenarios that test the metal of their moral convictions. It also allows an individual to grow out of errant perceptions or misguided instructions perpetuated in a flawed or dysfunctional home environment in order to mature and become established within themselves so that they better understand what their future needs will be and what realistic expectations are required to sustain a long term relationship. Many young people have a lot of growing up to do and need to learn how the world really works from the school of hard knocks before they begin to settle down into the mature adult men and women they're destined to become. When you marry too young you position yourself as an enabler or being enabled by the possible flawed teachings of someone's home thus allowing your spouse or yourself to perpetuate an errant notion of how to behave in a relationship. When you know what you want and don't want and must stand on your own two feet without the safety net of home to get it you tend to be more careful before making any major long-term commitments. Sadly, a lot of people skipped this stage of development and thus we have a world of "Momma's Boys" cutting a swath of destruction through generation after generation of good women. I'm beginning to think OWoman and GEL might have real merit to their strategy (as destructive as I believe it to be if all women employed it "en masse"). OWoman's insights are very interesting and disturbingly spot on when it comes to men and mature relationships. (I was trying to "tete a tete " with her earlier but got "touche'd" so I quit ) If the problems related on this board are a reflection of a microcosym of the world at large then its no wonder the divorce rate is so high and there's so much pessimism regarding the majority's outlook on marriage and relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 Ha Ha! No, tomorrow would be 2 years. Good luck finding that 4 year, though! mine going on 4:eek: Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 mine going on 4:eek: Awwwwwww, there you are;) Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 Awwwwwww, there you are;)Yup, Have the afternoon to myself, am in nc, so I guess I have no life right now, until I figure out what to do with my time:o enjoyed reading your conversation, postive....thats great. This nc is not as easy as I thought... Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 man, my XMM is def. number 3. i was beg. to think he was a narcissist but i see SO many signs of how he views his wife (withholding emotional comfort from HER b/c she doesnt bend to his every whim- she does make good money too- & then blaming the fact that there M is distant on HER), & me (i do have a strong nurturing instinct & he liked to make me feel guilty for not taking care of him enough or hurting HIS feelings by telling him when -I- was hurt... crazy). but his mom died when he was pretty young, a young teenager, so i dont know if that has anything to do w/ his personality. I believe that a mother's influence on her son(s) emotional and behavioral development are strongest from their prebubescent through their early adolescent years. Your MM's emotional maturity may have been stunted at this stage of development due to the untimely death of his mother. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 Yup, Have the afternoon to myself, am in nc, so I guess I have no life right now, until I figure out what to do with my time:o enjoyed reading your conversation, postive....thats great. This nc is not as easy as I thought... Mino, I can imagine how you feel. When I broke off the A, MM went on vacation and it felt as though we were in NC. It was horrible for both of us and it gave us a chance to re-evaluate our ground rules. But unlike you, my A has not gone on for 4 years. But, you DO have a life right now. I suggest you do the things you neglected to do during the times you were with MM. I've done so much already and feel so much better about things. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 man, my XMM is def. number 3. i was beg. to think he was a narcissist but i see SO many signs of how he views his wife (withholding emotional comfort from HER b/c she doesnt bend to his every whim- she does make good money too- & then blaming the fact that there M is distant on HER), & me (i do have a strong nurturing instinct & he liked to make me feel guilty for not taking care of him enough or hurting HIS feelings by telling him when -I- was hurt... crazy). but his mom died when he was pretty young, a young teenager, so i dont know if that has anything to do w/ his personality. I believe that a mother's influence on her son(s) emotional and behavioral development are strongest from their prebubescent through their early adolescent years. Your MM's emotional maturity may have been stunted at this stage of development due to the untimely death of his mother. Pelicanpreacher, how do you know so much about narcissists? Link to post Share on other sites
Author neverendingsaga Posted May 30, 2008 Author Share Posted May 30, 2008 Yup, Have the afternoon to myself, am in nc, so I guess I have no life right now, until I figure out what to do with my time:o enjoyed reading your conversation, postive....thats great. This nc is not as easy as I thought... good luck mino. you sound strong & im proud of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author neverendingsaga Posted May 30, 2008 Author Share Posted May 30, 2008 I believe that a mother's influence on her son(s) emotional and behavioral development are strongest from their prebubescent through their early adolescent years. Your MM's emotional maturity may have been stunted at this stage of development due to the untimely death of his mother. so hes really still 15 years old emotionally? Hmmm makes sense LOL Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 so hes really still 15 years old emotionally? Hmmm makes sense LOL I told my H that he hasn't grown one day since I met him. He only got older and meaner. Really, he's like an old-looking teenager who's mommy worships him. Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 You guys are killing me! I feel just like one of the girls!:) Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 HMMM maybe you are my XMM's W & he is trying on me the same things he did to you for years. now THAT would be a creepy thought!!! i saw my XMM in all of them to but esp. the last one. when i got to the last one i was like bingo, thats him. ugh why do we fall for these men. most be there charming & emotionally manipulative side. i think we deserve better than to be married to or the other women to such selfish men! i will def. pick more carefully next time. at least this has been a learning experience 4 sure LOL If you know what buttons to push and are willing to push them...no matter what the ethical consequences then, to quote Robin Williams in movie I believe was called "Ms. Doubtfire",..."Effie, brace yourself"! Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 Pelicanpreacher, how do you know so much about narcissists? Ah the benefits of a Midwestern Liberal Arts Education.. Oh, who am I kidding...I rub shoulders with the exact same people giving you grief every day! Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 Ah the benefits of a Midwestern Liberal Arts Education.. Oh, who am I kidding...I rub shoulders with the exact same people giving you grief every day! LOL, nice answer:cool: Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 so hes really still 15 years old emotionally? Hmmm makes sense LOL You said it....Not Me! Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 I told my H that he hasn't grown one day since I met him. He only got older and meaner. Really, he's like an old-looking teenager who's mommy worships him. Every time I read this post it makes me spew my beer! Oh, the imagery! Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 If you know what buttons to push and are willing to push them...no matter what the ethical consequences then, to quote Robin Williams in movie I believe was called "Ms. Doubtfire",..."Effie, brace yourself"! I LOVED that movie! I must've watched it a thousand times with my family. Williams, as Mrs. Doubtfire, shares with Sally Field (his wife in the movie) that she should have considered herself lucky with her husband's style of lovemaking and compared it to how a conjured up Mr. Doubtfire's approach to foreplay was to say, 'Effie, brace yourself!' We use that expression sometimes in our home. We love that movie. Dude moves like a lady. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 Every time I read this post it makes me spew my beer! Oh, the imagery! I'm glad someone got to enjoy the imagery. Really, I imagine him moving in with his mother and I hope to tell him, 'Now you both can be together all the time and you can take care of the woman you really care about!' What is sad is when she dies what the heck is he going to do. The mutual admiration society will only have one member. Link to post Share on other sites
child_of_isis Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 Oberlin??????????????? Ah the benefits of a Midwestern Liberal Arts Education.. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 I'm glad someone got to enjoy the imagery. Really, I imagine him moving in with his mother and I hope to tell him, 'Now you both can be together all the time and you can take care of the woman you really care about!' What is sad is when she dies what the heck is he going to do. The mutual admiration society will only have one member. Narcissists manage just fine - they always have their true love right to hand. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 Williams, as Mrs. Doubtfire WF with all those "men in women's clothing" allusions - this wasn't what you had in mind, was it? :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 WF with all those "men in women's clothing" allusions - this wasn't what you had in mind, was it? :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: Well, there's another fine example for ya:cool: Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 Well, there's another fine example for ya:cool: Hmm - even as a kid I never felt the urge to stick balloons under my jumper to improve my cleavage... Link to post Share on other sites
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