Do most men like bubbly women?

[Tony]

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[Storyrider]

Exactly, and don't most people want to be around the happy, upbeat, positive, "bubbly" people?

Actually, and I'm not trying to be annoying, but no. I prefer sarcastic people who are really funny in a low-key way, and a bit dark, who show their faults and insecurities.

[whichwayisup]

Exactly, and don't most people want to be around the happy, upbeat, positive, "bubbly" people?

 

I just want to be around people who are themselves. I want it all. The good, the bad and the ugly - THAT is friendship.

 

Most that I know who are 'bubbley' and really happy, and full of giggles are not as they appear behind closed doors. Those types (to me anyway) fall under the catergory as "fun buddies" and they aren't a big part of my daily life.

[Star Gazer]

Actually, and I'm not trying to be annoying, but no. I prefer sarcastic people who are really funny in a low-key way, and a bit dark, who show their faults and insecurities.

 

I just want to be around people who are themselves. I want it all. The good, the bad and the ugly - THAT is friendship.

 

Most that I know who are 'bubbley' and really happy, and full of giggles are not as they appear behind closed doors. Those types (to me anyway) fall under the catergory as "fun buddies" and they aren't a big part of my daily life.

 

Oh yeah, totally. I agree completely.

 

I guess what I meant is that in the initial meeting with someone - a friend, a potential lover, whomever - don't most of us look for someone who makes us feel good, instead of depressed? There are certainly dark clouds inside all of us, but wouldn't we rather be around someone who - even if through making a crack in a sarcastic way - is able to create a silver lining? I mean, misery loves company, and I guess I just really don't want to be its best buddy - ya know?

[Storyrider]

Oh yeah, totally. I agree completely.

 

I guess what I meant is that in the initial meeting with someone - a friend, a potential lover, whomever - don't most of us look for someone who makes us feel good, instead of depressed? There are certainly dark clouds inside all of us, but wouldn't we rather be around someone who - even if through making a crack in a sarcastic way - is able to create a silver lining? I mean, misery loves company, and I guess I just really don't want to be its best buddy - ya know?

Maybe this is partly about the level of intensity the bubbly person is putting out. Being an introvert, I feel overwhelmed by someone who comes on really strong or who puts on a really chipper social persona. I don't necessarily judge them, I just may not seek our their company.

 

It isn't that I want to be around someone miserable. But for example, when I recently went to a sock hop for my daughter's school, there were all these moms who came dressed in full poodle skirt regalia, with pony tails, bobby socks, the whole nine yards. They were out shmoozing with the other moms, dancing, clearly feeling a bit competitive about who had the best costume. They were having a blast.

 

I was wearing my normal clothes and I was chatting in the corner with one of the only stay at home dads, making snide remarks about all the overly-made up, uber moms. Not because I really hold anything against them, but critiquing them is more my idea of a good time. I just can't possibly be so sincere about poodle skirts. I'd rather be snarky.

[directx]

I dont know about most men. I like all types. Its more of what a woman is NOT that makes me like them.

Not bitchy, not unfair, not inconsiderate, not needy, not desperate, not dependent, etc.

I like strong no nonsense women as much as i like sweethearts.

I dont think you can catagorize a type of woman most men like

[BlueEyedGirl]

I much prefer dark, complex, sarcastic people than bubbly and happy. Bubbly, happy people annoy me and I feel like I have nothing in common with them being rather dark, complex and sarcastic myself. People that are too high energy, animated and hyper just make me feel anxious.

 

However, I don't like people who are so shy that they barely say two words and can't even make eye contact which is what some introverts are like. I want someone who can carry a conversation fluidly even at the first meeting but has a negative and sarcastic view of the world.

[Pyro]

I like someone with a good mix of everything. I want someone who is an optimist, kind, and cheerful, but I also want them to be realistic about things and who can be a smartas$ to a certain degree as well.

[shadowplay]

I just like somebody who is real, down-to-earth and doesn't put on a fake persona. Not somebody is depressed, but balanced. Someone I can relate to.

[shadowplay]

Maybe this is partly about the level of intensity the bubbly person is putting out. Being an introvert, I feel overwhelmed by someone who comes on really strong or who puts on a really chipper social persona. I don't necessarily judge them, I just may not seek our their company.

 

It isn't that I want to be around someone miserable. But for example, when I recently went to a sock hop for my daughter's school, there were all these moms who came dressed in full poodle skirt regalia, with pony tails, bobby socks, the whole nine yards. They were out shmoozing with the other moms, dancing, clearly feeling a bit competitive about who had the best costume. They were having a blast.

 

I was wearing my normal clothes and I was chatting in the corner with one of the only stay at home dads, making snide remarks about all the overly-made up, uber moms. Not because I really hold anything against them, but critiquing them is more my idea of a good time. I just can't possibly be so sincere about poodle skirts. I'd rather be snarky.

 

I feel exactly the same way. Even when I'm happy or confident I could never be one of those poodle-skirt wearing women. It doesn't mean I'm always depressed or dark. I just don't go for that kind of thing. It seems fake to me. You would be surprised at what often lies beneath the surface of "bubbliness." It's like the first scene of that David Lynch movie Blue Velvet. It opens with a pristine small town scene: picket fences, roses, perfect green lawns, a fireman waving. Everything in saturated hues and slow motion. It all seems too perfect, almost creepy and dream-like. Then the camera tilts down to reveal cockroaches ravenously eating at something decaying beneath the grass.

 

One of the things guys have said they like about me is I have an innocent-like wonder about the world. It's possible to retain that attitude and not be constantly cheery to the point of fakeness. I can be passionate and fun-loving; I just don't put on a show of it.

 

I value genuiness in people. Somebody of this type can be fun to chit-chat with, but I find it hard to engage them in more than small talk. I'm not talking about depressed conversations, but being observant and reflective about the world around them or even appreciating things as simple as irony and sarcasm. Maybe they have that in them but suppress it because they get more reinforcement for staying on the surface and being cute.

 

I agree with you that most guys aren't into specifics but how a woman makes them feel. They may seek out somebody who is fun, cheerful, reasonably intelligent and decently attractive. Depth or coplexity in a partner is often not as important to them as it is to women. I won't say this is true for all guys, just many I've encountered.

[DanielMadr]

If you desire to see this thread remain up you will address directly and without any exception the original post in it.

 

Bubbly people are so much better to be around of.

 

One cynical and life-beaten bastard should be enough in one relationship.

[SeraBella]

I agree with you that most guys aren't into specifics but how a woman makes them feel. They may seek out somebody who is fun, cheerful, reasonably intelligent and decently attractive. Depth or coplexity in a partner is often not as important to them as it is to women. I won't say this is true for all guys, just many I've encountered.

 

Maybe they aren't looking for any more complexity in a woman because they feel women are complex enough without depth?

[Taramere]

I like people who present me, in a blandly pleasant manner, with the bastard child of cynicism and jollity.

[Storyrider]

I like people who present me, in a blandly pleasant manner, with the bastard child of cynicism and jollity.

 

Ah ha haha (laughs cloyingly with a vacant expression and flips hair).

[Trialbyfire]

*giggles*

 

If depth equals angst, God save me from depth...

[Cov]

Maybe they aren't looking for any more complexity in a woman because they feel women are complex enough without depth?

 

I'd go for that and I'm not sure what Shadowplay wants, it would seem she is trying to be an enigma like Morrissey for instance and Slipknot to a lesser degree with the masks and horrid video's.

 

I find women to be ambiguous, rather than complex, women aren't complex if you are experienced enough and have dated several women. Unfortunately for me, I doubt I'll ever understand women.

[Cobra_X30]

In my observation most smart guys, especially shy ones, are drawn to bubbly women. All the guys I've been involved with have had idealized this type of girl. It bothers me because I'm far from bubbly. I'm talking about women who are cloyingly positive and chipper, to the point of denying reality. People like that strike me as depth-less. Why do guys fall all over them? Do they think being around a woman like that will fill their world with sugarplums and fairies, distracting them from the emptiness of their lives? It sounds silly, but bubbliness is almost the antithesis of everything I stand for. I'm drawn to nuance, shades of gray. Being around someone who's bubbly can be as depressing as being around someone who's constantly negative. Sometimes they seem like the saddest people in the world.

 

??

 

Life is what you make of it. When you assume that everyone who is bubbly and happy is faking, it shows how unhappy you are deep down. You can't even imagine anyone else being truely happy.

 

Some people do put on a show, and fake it, but it doesn't last. There are always cracks, and most of us can see through it.

 

Still, I much prefer even fake bubbly people to the nasty, sarcastic, dark, depressed, emo types. I don't want to read death poetry or cut myself.

 

I was wearing my normal clothes and I was chatting in the corner with one of the only stay at home dads, making snide remarks about all the overly-made up, uber moms. Not because I really hold anything against them, but critiquing them is more my idea of a good time. I just can't possibly be so sincere about poodle skirts. I'd rather be snarky.

 

That is called flirting!

 

You enjoyed that because you were tearing down the other women in front of the guy.

 

Do you see what I'm saying?

[Cov]

I consider myself to be very "bubbly", and that's because I feel that way 99% of the time. Does that mean because I am "bubbly" that I have not brain.. not a wit about me..NO! I'm just happy..because I choose to be. Happiness, IMO is a choice.. it's an inner feeling of peace. Just be you! Hope I made sense. Best Wishes.

 

AP:)

 

You are wise, you aren't Stephen Fry by any chance?

 

I just like somebody who is real, down-to-earth and doesn't put on a fake persona. Not somebody is depressed, but balanced. Someone I can relate to.

 

Shadowplay you've gone up in my expectation's, not that you'll care (and nor should you), you've clearly mis-used the word 'bubbly', 'bubbly' doesn't mean or indicate fakeness, if it did, then the word wouldn't be seperate in the Oxford English Dictionary. Yes, superficial people annoy me, too, but we're all superficial to some degree, whether you choose to accept this notion is entirely your prerogative.

[serial muse]

That is called flirting!

 

You enjoyed that because you were tearing down the other women in front of the guy.

 

Do you see what I'm saying?

 

Huh. I don't see that so much as flirting as reinforcing one's worldview. It's not about sex, it's about feeling personally validated for being who you choose to be.

 

Not to speak for Story, but I can imagine having the same kind of conversation with anyone, woman or man, so long as they felt the same way about it. Wouldn't much matter who, only that they agreed with me and made me feel like I'm not the only person with a particular perspective in the room. Bonding. Finding your peeps, you know?

 

In a larger sense, that's kind of what I think this thread is about. Whenever people seemed to get upset at the assumptions and so forth, it's because they thought someone was invalidating them. And that's kind of what Shadow's original post was, too, wasn't it? She wants to be validated for being a personality type that is not generally talked about kindly. He!!, we all want to be validated for the things we are, and react defensively when we feel under attack for being those things, and this thread is proof. It's very human.

 

But I agree with whatever poster asked whether Shadow has someone particular in mind that she's frustrated with...this is the kind of agonizing that only comes when one feels personally thwarted. So what's the backstory, Shadow? (I've read your previous threads - are you talking about the ex that your ex-BF was with?)

Edited April 7, 2008 by serial muse

[John Who]

What would you consider bubbly? I know this women at work who is always saying she is bubbly,to tell you the truth it's getting on my last fuc_ing nerves.

 

She say's i'm not a ho- i'm just bubbly.But anyway back to your question myself personally I am not attracted to a women just because shes bubbly besides when is bubbly just to fuc-ing bubbly, and just starts to become annoying.

[Cobra_X30]

Huh. I don't see that so much as flirting as reinforcing one's worldview. It's not about sex, it's about feeling personally validated for being who you choose to be. Not to speak for Story, but I can imagine having the same kind of conversation with anyone, woman or man, so long as they felt the same way about it. Wouldn't much matter who, only that they agreed with me and made me feel like I'm not the only person with a particular perspective in the room. Bonding. Finding your peeps, you know?

 

It's a competative urge just like what the so called "uber-moms" are displaying. The difference is that she is seeking validation from a man, and yes that's flirting. Look at it like this. She goes to a member of the opposite sex, and builds herself up by tearing down the other women in the room.

 

We all do what we do for a reason.

[Saxis]

I call them attention-whores. My XW was one and I'm the shy guy, just like you've presented. It wasn't so much that I was drawn to her, but her to me. We worked together, she was new in town and had no friends. At first it was an ego boost for me, then one thing led to another and we were involved. There was a time in our relationship when she didn't need the constant validation anymore, but that was short-lived. Some people just have trouble growing up after high school...

[serial muse]

It's a competative urge just like what the so called "uber-moms" are displaying. The difference is that she is seeking validation from a man, and yes that's flirting. Look at it like this. She goes to a member of the opposite sex, and builds herself up by tearing down the other women in the room.

 

We all do what we do for a reason.

 

Nah, not convinced. Like I said, I'd do the same sort of thing with a man or woman - it's about looking for kindred spirits that talk on your wavelength. Yes, putting other people down is one way to validate yourself - but while some people may introduce a sexual component, I don't read it here and I don't think it's always going to be there.

 

Gender issues are relevant sometimes, but some things don't always need to be reduced to gender issues. Sometimes, it's just about people. In Shadow's case, it sounds like jealousy (although I can't be sure unless she says what's going on). In Story's case, I don't think so.

[Nevermind]

Mh, I understand where you're coming from, shadowplay.

 

However, how deep and insightful is it to judge another women simply by observing her for a short time? I am assuming that you did not observe a bubbly woman's life for a longer period. Correct me if I am wrong.

 

Well unless you know a person very well, you cannot judge how fake or real they are and how their view of the world is. A woman, you'd describe bubbly, might be deeper and more insightful than many people you know.

 

Your view of the world is right - for you. This doesn't mean that any other is fake. If anybody feels happy most of the time and is able to express this happiness...well, I envy them. Because...through some years of depression and a lot of angst, I finally understand that being happy doesn't mean you don't see or ignore the bad things, it means that you can see the good things, too.

 

In love, as in every aspect of our lives, we seek happiness and therefore it is not surprising that both men and women are drawn to happy people.

[Trialbyfire]

Dislike driven by envy, will slowly kill you. Why not focus on things that make you happy and dispose of the baggage, that drags you down?