abyssalsmile Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 kjlove you are so right you have to go on what other choice do you have. I have a MM and same thing as everbody else he loves me ,wants to be with me, but doesnt leave his wife blah blah blah. And you know what the longer you are in a relationship the more its going to hurt.But then again you get f***ed one way or another at the end. Thats good that you are seeing reality because I had to too. I am with my MM and its been about 3-1/2 yrs ya..that long But after the first year I was so into him and he was my world and always will be but I also knew that he would not leave his wife. I eventually realized that so I moved on and met my boyfriend and it sure helps. I know that being with the one you love is all that you want and nobody else. But you know what you will be left alone at the end. And that is something that you could prevent starting now. But anyhow thats good that you are going on and see that there are more options . Link to post Share on other sites
PUGGY Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 WELL I HAVE BEEN SLEEPING WITH THIS MARRIED MAN FOR 3YEARS NOW. WELL WHEN WE STARTED DATING HIS WIFE HAD BEEN GONE FOR 2YRS HE SAID. WELL SHE RETURNED 3MONTHS AFTER THE AFFAIR STARTED HEATING UP REAL GOOD , I GOT PISSED OFF AND THATS ALL SINCE THEN I HAVE BEEN LISTENING TO HIS VOICE MAIL I'AM NOT THE ONLY OTHER WOMEN . I AM REALLY IN LOVE WITH THIS GUY HE HAS BEEN THERE FOR ME AND MY SON. HE NEVER ONCE TOLD ME HE WAS GOING TO DIVORCE HIS WIFE, WE SPEND A LOT OF TIME TOGETHER . LONG HOURS LATE NIGHTS. HE SAYS HE DOES NOT KNOW WHY SHE CAME BACK. Link to post Share on other sites
kjlove Posted May 19, 2004 Share Posted May 19, 2004 Puggy: Hope that your situation turns out best for all involved. Let me tell you though he does know why his wife came back (he more than likely asked her to). When I was married my husband cheated on me with this really nice lady she did not know he was married at the time. He would make up several lies even gone as far to say he was taking care of our daughter who had the chicken pox and he made special gloves for her ect ect, (she did not have the pocs he was making up an excuse as to why he hadn't seen her. Men are men. As you read in my post I see a married man I do know he is married. Tell your MM that he can lie to his wife there is no need to lie to you. You are already aware that he is married and there is nothing that he will tell you that would surprise you. My MM is just the opposite he tells me everything! Which is worse sometimes you don't want to hear the details of his home life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Keep us posted as to what happens and good luck kjlove Link to post Share on other sites
yellowrose Posted May 19, 2004 Share Posted May 19, 2004 Tell your MM that he can lie to his wife there is no need to lie to you. That's nice KJ. Great advice. Lie. Just get what you want. Do whatever you want to get to it no matter who it hurts. I can't believe a woman who's husband cheated on her would take it out on someone else's wife. Does it make you feel better? More powerful? There. You did what someone else did to you. It's all better. Link to post Share on other sites
kjlove Posted May 19, 2004 Share Posted May 19, 2004 Yellowrose: Your non stop, what I was telling her is this: he is lying to his wife about seeing her or not seeing her there is no need to lie to the person your cheating with!!!! Helloooooooooo. My sister was in the same type of situation and her MM also lied to her about being married, other women ect ect. Men and woman for that matter lie. Funny thing is you seem to believe that everyone is living by a bible code of ethics. The reality is people lie, people cheat, people sin. Who is anyone to say one sin is worse than another????? If I am judging someone is that not a sin?? As I have posted in previous threads I got cheated on and if anything I learned that I did play a role in it. Maybe not the major role but there are things I did not do as a wife: 1. give my husband his place 2. always on him for something 3. my family was before him 4.always put him down at some level several other things of course no communication. What happened in my marriage I learned from what I did or didn't do. NO I did not set out to hurt another wife, things never happen like that. If I ever marry again I will go into it with open eyes and communication. Listen ladies communication is the key, if you notice your MM (as is in my case) the communication is constant and open. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrissy21 Posted May 20, 2004 Share Posted May 20, 2004 Kjlove: You asked what would I do if his wife found out about us. Actually, she did find our about 2 months ago. She called my parents and told them about it. Joys of living in a small town. Everybody knows everybody. When she found out, she called my mom. But she didn't leave him. Even when she found out that he had been seeing me faithfully almost everyday for over a year. I don't know. If I was married and found out my husband has been sleeping with another woman for over a year, I would leave him. Unless, of course, I had a boyfriend on the side too. That's the crazy part. Either one of them loves each other anymore. But either one of them knows how to leave. I'm still with him. I don't want to walk away from him. I don't even want to date other guys. I cannot seem to get myself interested in other guys. He's it for me. I know that you will make the decision that's right for YOU. That may not necessarily be to quite seeing him. You have to understand that people automatically judge other women as the wrongdoers. And we should always walk away from a married man because he is not ours. He belongs to someone else. He made vows. I could go on and on. But sometimes you have to listen to your heart. If you think his feelings for you are sincere and you feel love for this man, wait it out to see what happens. I will tell you that it's not easy and when you think that it couldn't get any harder, it does. But I guess that's the price you have to pay. It's alot to think about. I'm on your side girl. Link to post Share on other sites
LUCIOUS Posted May 21, 2004 Share Posted May 21, 2004 hEY, GROUP JUST SITTING HERE READING YOUR ACTICLES ON DIFFER TOPICS...WELL, I AM A MARRIED OF 14 YEARS. i HAVE BEEN WITH MY HUSBAND FOR ATLEAST 22 YEARS. DURING MY MARRIAGE OF 14 YEARS, I HAVE BEEN STRAIGHT, STRAIGHT STRAIGHT. i HAVE TWO BOYS 14 AND 8. SINCE I STARTED MY NEW JOB WORKING AT A UNIVERSITY.. I HAVE MEET A LOT OF FACULTY AND STUDENTS. MAYN MEN HAVE APPROACHED ME IN ALL SEXUAL WAYS..bUT, I REMINDED THEM I WAS MARRIED AND HAPPY, WHICH I THOUGJT. THIS ONE PARTICULAR STUDENT WALK IN THE ROOM AND ALL LUST BROKE THROUGH. HE WAS EYEING ME AND I EYED HIM. WE JUST HIT IT OFF AND STARTED TALKING, EMAILING JUST ABOUT EVERYDAY.. I AM FALLING IN LOVE!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
zarabeth1973 Posted May 21, 2004 Share Posted May 21, 2004 I am in the situation that I have fallen in love with this married man andI am pregnant now. What I am going to say is probably going to piss a lot of you off and make you try to judge me but you do what you feel you need to do. I do love this man and he says he loves me. If he loves me so much why doesn't he leave his wife and be with me??? Well, heres the situation and off to the judging segmant . We are both felons on probation. If any one out there knows anything about probation, felons are to have NO association with any other known felons. He hates his wife she hates him but I feel she stays to make his life hell. And YES I have heard her on the phone YES I have seen her beat the crap out of him because he won't hit a woman back, she wants him to hit her back so she can press charges to get him put back in jail. She hit him with a metal rack in the face and now he has a scar from it. We met as neighbors in the same building, so I saw and HEARD everything she did. He says he can't leave because he can't afford to with fines, car payments and then his own rent, so he stays and its not like we can live together because we are felons. We do love each other and he is so very sweet when it comes to the baby and planning and etc. I have tried for 7 months to end this, but he keeps talking me back into it and he has valid points. I told him last week that I wasn't going to put his name on the birth certificvate nor was I going to tell my child who his father was and I plan to move to be away from him, because it hurts me to see him in pain and being abused, and I can't feel like a whore, I refuse to have my child sneak around to see his daddy. He was crushed by this and I know he wants to leave he does. Ahhhhhhhhhh..... oK ok start judging now.... Link to post Share on other sites
Paradise Posted May 21, 2004 Share Posted May 21, 2004 I have to agree with most of you all, having affair with a married man is not good. Once I had a g/f who had married b/f before she met me. She was just wanted to have sex and not a relationship. If you want just have fun and have sex with him while you're looking for the big catch, it's ok. Just don't fall in love with this guy. There are lots of fish in the ocean. Link to post Share on other sites
puggy Posted May 21, 2004 Share Posted May 21, 2004 SO Kjlove should i tell my mm that i have been checking his voice mail on his cell phone? i wish he would change his pass word because i know it. he left his phone by accident after he left one night and i got the pass word. i just do not know what to do about this relationship i really enjoy him and if thing are like he says. they are just there in 2 seperate rooms. then why wont he leave their are no children in this marriage just a home that was purchased 10yrs ago or longer maybe 12yrs. like i said when we started dating i was going over to his house until she returned after 3 mo Link to post Share on other sites
kjlove Posted May 21, 2004 Share Posted May 21, 2004 That is what I thought at the beginning (over a year ago). I wish we would have just had sex then there would be no emotional tie. No we had to get to know each other and share our most intimate details about our lives. It is easy to just have sex but when you have more than that as a bond it is hard to let go. Yes you understand it is bad and they never leave their wives..........but and there always is a but. He becomes a part of your life and you of theirs. Even if it is only a small part. I have to admit it isen't all love and flowers it hurts like hell. You do think of him with his wife on evening, holidays ect. You want to see him whenever you want and of course at least in my case this is not possible. He has a high profile job and we cannot risk it. I wish that I could just break the tie and go on with my life but I don't have the strength (yet). It is nice to know that there are others in the same situation, we all need support. Please don't worry about being judged, there is no reason for it. We have all done things in our life that we are not proud of but they help us to become better people if we learn from our mistakes. Link to post Share on other sites
1Yoyo Posted June 1, 2004 Share Posted June 1, 2004 Arcadia_77, are you still a member? I would be interested to know what has happened with you in your relationship. It seems we have parallel lives. Yo Link to post Share on other sites
kjlove Posted June 1, 2004 Share Posted June 1, 2004 Life has been about the same...........with the married man. I am still involved with him but my feelings have been shifting some. It is strange some days I really want to be with him then there are those days that I think who needs the trouble. He has a family he has a life but something keeps me hanging on........what the hell is it? Friends tell me that we give eachother communication, understanding, and affection, of course being a woman I need more..........I think I want more time and of course he can't give me that. The tides have shifted and I need to shift them back where I hold the cards............right know he knows he has me and that is bad in any relationship. So for this week i am going to avoid his calls and see what happens............any FRIENDLY advice???? Link to post Share on other sites
1Yoyo Posted June 1, 2004 Share Posted June 1, 2004 kjlove are you arcadia_1977? Yo Link to post Share on other sites
lonelyheart Posted June 2, 2004 Share Posted June 2, 2004 I am a 34 year old female who has been seeing a married man for seven months. In the past two weeks, I have become very frustrated with his situation. We have never had intercourse. We both agreed to wait. He married his high school sweetheart and has been with her for almost 20 years. This is the only woman he has ever been with sexually. I have had a lot of the same questions you all have had. If he loves me and is so unhappy, why doesn't he leave his wife? The entire relationship has been about HIM. We talk when he can talk. We see each other when he dictates. I think numerous bad relationships in my life have caused me to have bad self-esteem. I fall in love, get dumped and feel that I'm not good enough. I think that I have seen married men because I fear real intimacy. In my life, most of the men that I have had relationships with have taken advantage of my goodness and my big heart. In my mind, if I see a married man, it's easy to get involved because I don't have to connect intimately and be rejected once again in my life. Yes, it's wrong and totally selfish. I guess it was my way of dealing with my depression and gaining a bit of self-esteem because someone wanted ME, even if it was a married man...I felt attractive once again. Continually, I have communicated with him about my feelings. He said that if the children weren't involved, he would have already left. The children have him torn. I told him that if he's to leave, it should be because the marriage is over---not because he met me. I have always said to him---I can't make you love me or want to be with me. I have been patient for seven months and in the past two weeks, I just got fed up. Our contact has become less and I finally realized that I deserve much better than this. I don't get out much and don't know how to meet new people outside the bar scene, so finding that someone special at my age bothers me a little. I get so tired of starting all over AGAIN. I want to thank each and every one of you for posting your stories for me to read. Your stories have made me stronger in the last two days and have made me less tempted to call or e-mail him. I'm single, don't have any children and my male friends think I'm very attractive and wonder why I'm not married or dating anyone. I deserve better than what I've settled for. I've made it very clear that I will not continue this relationship while he is still with his wife. If he wants me, he knows what he needs to do. A combination of reading self-help books and reading this forum has got me back on track. Thanks again for all of your help! Link to post Share on other sites
kjlove Posted June 2, 2004 Share Posted June 2, 2004 Good luck in your situation, I hope you will stay strong........it is difficult but with will power it can be done. I am trying to get on that same road.........it is funny because it seems we always want what we can't have. Maybe it is self esteem maybe we get close to someone without intention who knows. I am unsure as to why we end up in dead end relationships. My MM seems to think by telling me he loves me all is fine. Everytime there is an issue he tells me he loves me.........I don't want to hear that! It begins to loose meaning!!! I don't want to see him anymore and have just a couple of loose ends to tie up with him. His phone calls are less frequent, I make excuses such as his job and stuff like that but no more I am bored and fed up. Link to post Share on other sites
lonelyheart Posted June 2, 2004 Share Posted June 2, 2004 I know what you are saying. Saying, "I love you" totally loses meaning when the reality hits that he is going home to someone else. I, as well, told him to stop telling me that he loves me. If he truly loves you, he'd leave. ACTIONS will speak louder than any words he can say to you. I received an e-mail this morning from him saying how much he loves me. Those words meant nothing to me. Like you, communication over time has diminished to almost nothing. And, if he wants to see me or talk to me, it's on his terms. Over the last few days, I've been thinking about all that I have sacrificed and done for him. The same was never reciprocated to me. I never realized how incredibly selfish he has been until I truly thought about it. He has always told me that he would treat me the way I deserved to me treated. You know what? He is no different than the other bad relationships I've been in. He took advantage of me...he was totally selfish...and he made me believe that he would leave. Guess where he is? At home with his wife. So now, after thinking about all of this, it's really easy not to communicate with him. I did not respond to his e-mail this morning and, to be honest, I really don't have anything to say to him. I will heed the advice of our mothers...I don't have anything nice to say, so I'm gonna keep my mouth shut! Have you ever been in a situation and you had no clue how it was going to get better, how the hurting would stop, how the pain would ease, but now you look back on it. . THAT'S GOD passing us through tribulation to see a brighter day. We will both have brighter days soon! > Link to post Share on other sites
Cecilia Posted June 3, 2004 Share Posted June 3, 2004 Hello everyone. I am currently having what some would call "an emotional affair" with a much older, married man. We started out as great friends but now we are much more. It is almost as if it is love. We have not been intimate, for we are both against adultery... but the inclinations are there and steadily increasing. He was never "in love" with his wife, but he loves her. She really is doing everything that a wife should, but he has difficulty reaching out. I've been trying to help him with that, as he has been trying to help me with some of my issues, and in the midst of it, we have fallen for each other. We are falling "in love". I dont want to lose him as a friend, but I fear what lays ahead. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted June 3, 2004 Share Posted June 3, 2004 Originally posted by BadGirl2003 I agree with everything you said Yang. Some people say well she's a bad person for being involved with a married person or in love with a married person but you can't help it, it just happens. Myself I'm trying to get over this guy but like I said in the other post it's not easy at all it takes time. You want to leave that person but it's hard ti leave. People told me to go get counseling to see if that may help but I already know what I need to do and I feel that I shouldn't waste my money when I know the counselor will tell me the same things that I already know. My advice (just my opinion) to anyone that's in this situation if you don't know what to do then you should seek counseling or try your best to move on even though its hard to do. Also do a search on the web there are many websites that I've been to that has given great advice to people in out situation. I hope this helps. IT DOES NOT JUST HAPPEN!!!! IT IS A [color=red]CHOICE [/color]TO BECOME INVOLVED!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted June 3, 2004 Share Posted June 3, 2004 Originally posted by BadGirl2003 Anyway, It's not true that all mature adults have the ability to control their thoughts, their feelings, their attitudes and their behavior we are all different so you can't say that about every person. If a person cannot control their behavior and actions, then they are not a MATURE PERSON! Everyone has feelings and thoughts and emotions that occur without decision, however, we each choose how we will act upon those things. A child acts without reason or recognition of consequences. A mature adult does not. Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted June 3, 2004 Share Posted June 3, 2004 I agree you can't help who you love. However, what you can help and control are your actions. If you have the bad luck to be interested in or fall in love with a married man - the mature, respectful thing to do is.... nothing. Don't pursue it. Realize that you deserve to find your own man who can treat you #1 and who will want to be only with you. If you accept anything less, you're disrespecting yourself and showing a selfish, thoughtless side to yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted June 3, 2004 Share Posted June 3, 2004 Korine, I don't know if you are still around -- it's been a year now. Maybe you came back under a new name. If you are reading this, how are you? What did you decide? Link to post Share on other sites
puggy Posted June 3, 2004 Share Posted June 3, 2004 Originally posted by Korine Any ladies out there facing this situation? Falling in love with a married man? I don't know what should I do now.. leave him or carry on the relationship with him.. I am so confused... falling in love with a mm ,he is going to be good to you, but he is also going to lie to you and he may even have more than one other women you know what i mean . you may not be the only other woman, i am seeing a married man he never tells me he is leaving his wife or any of these things. but i have yet to learn what makes you any better than the wife he cheated on her and has been for years so he will cheat on you, you think to your self if he treated me the way he treats his wife. i think i would just rather be the other woman then he live with me or even for say leave her to be with me and keep the same late nights , or even not answer the cell phone when you know he should, it is a big girl world you have to be very strong mind to deal with this type of humiliation. i love my mm but if i where you i would run to the next single convention don't do it if it is not to late, the wine and dine and great sex, and good times . bye good luck Link to post Share on other sites
1Yoyo Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 For the Women who love or have loved a married man... I am in the same situation as many of you, in love with a married man. I am not looking for sympathy from anyone nor am I asking for criticism. I did not look for this to happen, but it did. I would like to hear from those women in my same situation or those who have managed to get out of the relationship. How did you do it? I have decided the only way I can possibly get away or cut loose from him is to move in baby steps. The first step being to no longer see him. Cold turkey just doesn't seem to work, so small steps are a must for me. I will have to be OK with ONLY phone calls for now and eventually, no phone calls and then NOTHING. I have thought about what I am doing and I do know it is wrong. I have read all the posts and though my situation is very similar, the man I love is a tad different. If you are one of those women who is free of the married man relationship, please share how you were able to do it. Thanks! Yo Link to post Share on other sites
1Yoyo Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 [ I would like to hear from those women in my same situation or those who have managed to get out of the relationship. How did you do it? No one has posted anything..Is this wishful thinking on my part, is there actually a way to get out and still be whole?? Yo Link to post Share on other sites
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