Falling in love with a married man

[aries]

I have not read this thread in awhile so I decided to read it all the way through. I guess I am pretty bored-anyhoo, after reading all of the responses I felt like I was in the hallway back in highschool, some poor person is getting picked on by a group of people for whatever reason(probably because they are different from the majority), and just being torn apart. If you notice, the posts start out halfway respectful, but then all it takes is for one person to post something slanderous and the rest of the posters respond in the same manner. It almost gets to the point of who can be more creative in their put-downs. It really is quite humorous. It just goes to show that in so many situations human nature and the responses that people have are so predictable. I also noticed that the posters that seemed to be most critical, could not take the critisizm back without getting very defensive also. They seem to have a double-standard when it comes to their opinions vs. someone elses opinions. I know this is very off-topic but it was just something that I picked up on as I was reading through the thread. Human behavior is so very interesting. When you step back and really look at the BIG PICTURE it can really be amusing.

 

Support Always,

Aries

[NEONINK]

Well, like we said in high school....

 

Takes one to know one....

 

That being said, I think a lot of people on this forum have either been cheated on or have cheated with disasterous results. In fact, I think you would be hard pressed to find someone that had a lovely experience after cheating. Or had the best of relationship every from a married man/woman. Experience counts and many have learned the hard way, cheating sux donkey dicks.

 

Class of '82

[BadGirl2003]

Originally posted by aries

I have not read this thread in awhile so I decided to read it all the way through. I guess I am pretty bored-anyhoo, after reading all of the responses I felt like I was in the hallway back in highschool, some poor person is getting picked on by a group of people for whatever reason(probably because they are different from the majority), and just being torn apart. If you notice, the posts start out halfway respectful, but then all it takes is for one person to post something slanderous and the rest of the posters respond in the same manner. It almost gets to the point of who can be more creative in their put-downs. It really is quite humorous. It just goes to show that in so many situations human nature and the responses that people have are so predictable. I also noticed that the posters that seemed to be most critical, could not take the critisizm back without getting very defensive also. They seem to have a double-standard when it comes to their opinions vs. someone elses opinions. I know this is very off-topic but it was just something that I picked up on as I was reading through the thread. Human behavior is so very interesting. When you step back and really look at the BIG PICTURE it can really be amusing.

 

Support Always,

Aries

 

Aries,

I just have one question what posts are you refering too exactly? Cause I went back, read my post and others but I didn't see what you were refering too. In my case I just shared my opinions, advice and that's it.

[aries]

BadGirl2000, I guess I felt some of that starting around post 15-33, then posts 34-45 is a great example about what I was speaking of. Instead of being a discussion it seemed to turn into a verbal food fight. I really felt bad for dreamer. Anyhow it was just an observation. I was not trying to belittle the subject or the people involved. It just seemed like some of the people were getting "ganged up on".

 

Neoink, yes, I know first-hand about the "cheating experience". Relax, do not get upset, I just think things got a little out of control during the thread. I just thought it was funny how people tend to be predictable during disagreements. I am no psychologist or sociologist(had classes) but it was just something that struck me hard as I was reading through.

 

I do have one success story, one of my closest friends had an affair with a doctor. They were both miserably married and they ended up falling in love. They both ended up divorcing and about a year 1/2 later they got married and have been happily married for 2 1/2 years now. It was not easy, especially for him and his position, but it all worked out. She is great with his kids and his wife and her husband have since remarried/dated. His divorce was uglier than hers because of the finances involved. I know that this is not typical and I am in no way advising anyone to continue or start an affair, but although few and far between it can sometimes work out. They are both wonderful people, but their spouses did not treat either of them the way that they needed to be treated. I am still friends with her ex-husband, and he is a good guy but he took her for granted and she finally lost the love that she once had for him. Just a different point of view that I thought I would share.

 

Support Always,

Aries

[arcadia_1977]

Too late for me to give up!

Last December, I started seeing this guy(who is married) I'm sure that when it began it was strictly out of lonliness that we came together. He's in a marriage with no love or affection. We were able to give each other what we were both missing. The craziness stared three months later when he told me that he loved me, and the situation has been ongoing ever since. I believe he does love me, the words were never forced and he says it all the time.

Well, just the other day before he left, I started to cry. I have always understood my standing in the relationship, and have accepted the terms because I love him, but he knows that I will not tolerate the situation forever. As I cried he simply said just love me and be patient. He has made many other comments as to his plans to get a divorce and has told me numerous times that sometime soon I'll be trying to get rid of him.

I know a lot of people out there think that this kind of relationship is wrong. But let me just say, Yes marriage is a sacred vow, but God does not want any of his children to unwillingly live a life of unhappiness. I beleive when love is involved anything can happen. I can't even put into words the kind of love we have and the people around us can even feel it. That cannot be beaten, and eventhough I have accepted that I may not get want I want, I have to give it every shot I can, to be with the one I love. It may be wrong to some, but for those who like to point fingers, just know that two or three years ago I was like you....Be careful where you point that finger.

[BadGirl2003]

Originally posted by aries

BadGirl2000, I guess I felt some of that starting around post 15-33, then posts 34-45 is a great example about what I was speaking of. Instead of being a discussion it seemed to turn into a verbal food fight. I really felt bad for dreamer. Anyhow it was just an observation. I was not trying to belittle the subject or the people involved. It just seemed like some of the people were getting "ganged up on".

 

 

Well. this is a message board so people are going to give there opinions and speak there minds on things that's just how it is. Most of the post from 15-33 were made by me and a few others but you can see it as a high school fight or whatever but I see it differently.

[NEONINK]

Originally posted by aries

 

Neoink, yes, I know first-hand about the "cheating experience". Relax, do not get upset...

 

I understand what you are saying. I've noticed this as well. But when we read posts or personal email, we add tone as to what you believe the writer was thinking. Unfortunately, you don't really know, because unlike the phone or personal communication, it can all be misinterpreted. For example, my entire post to your reply was in jest; not something I needed to relax from. But you wouldn't know that because a) you don't know me b) you don't know what mood I was in when I wrote it, etc...

 

Tone is hard to read in email; that's why smilies are useful. I always read something twice, using two different tones. The writer is probably somewhere in the middle. I've also noticed, if I'm in a bad mood, I'll read something as if it had an edge to it. The term kidding is also hard to demonstrate over the internet; you don't get to see the eyes and smile. You only get the words.

[rulumni]

Originally posted by arcadia_1977

Too late for me to give up!

He's in a marriage with no love or affection. We were able to give each other what we were both missing.

 

As I cried he simply said just love me and be patient. He has made many other comments as to his plans to get a divorce and has told me numerous times that sometime soon I'll be trying to get rid of him.

 

I haven't been very verbal lately, other than to post my story and beg for advice ( ), but I will speak to this because it seems to mirror my current situation. I won't go into the details here because I don't want to bore everyone, but I will say that I have been involved with a married man for just over 2 years.

 

He told me he was in a marriage with no love or affection - yeah, right. Statistics show that married men in affairs treat their wives much better than they claim. If you want those specific statistics, go to google and do a search on infidelity statistics. Either that, or read some of these posts. My boyfriend has children whom he adores and claims they are the ONLY reason why he won't leave his wife. Ummmm...okay. Let's see. If he truly adores his children, which I believe that he does, do I honestly think that he would mistreat, talk ugly to or ignore his wife in front of those kids? They would hate him if he did so, so I know he is not telling the truth. I also hear him talking on the phone to her sometimes as I pass by his office, calling her honey and baby (at least I *think* it's his wife - ). When he knows I am listening, he talks to her like she's stupid, but I am sure he passes that off to her as him having a bad day and I am sure he apologizes to her.

 

I also heard the "be patient" line over and over and over again...right before he decided to start telling me that he wasn't going to leave his wife. Of course he wants me to be patient...how else is he going to get his jollies?

 

Believe me, I am not dogging this post or the poster, I am dogging my boyfriend and all married men who are boyfriends who fill their mistress' heads with this BS. If he hasn't left her by now - he WON'T. Try cutting him off and telling him that he won't get anymore hanky panky with you until he is divorced and see how long you go without seeing him again (probably forever if you can hold out the resolve to do so) or how quickly you hear through the grapevine that he is seeing someone else.

 

I do not pretend to have all of the answers, because I came here seeking advice myself and those who have read my story and my postings know that I am pretty dumb where he is concerned. However, being dumb where he is concerned is by my own CHOICE. I know the right thing to do, I just refuse to stop being selfish and DO IT. While there are certain posters whose words are abrasive, they are still true and a real smack in the face that we "other men" and "other women" need. These situations are hopeless, there are a very small minority that work out in real life, as in aries' story. We all hope that we will get the fairy tale, too, but the odds are against us.

 

We need to be strong and learn that we are much more important than a few minutes of unbridled passion before sending him or her off to be the good husband and father or good wife and mother. What are we getting for it? Shafted (no pun intended).

 

My advice? Read some of these stories, these posts, read the heartbreak and torment of the "other men" and "other women" and decide that you do not want that for yourself. You are worth so much more and you deserve a lasting love with someone who will give you the respect you deserve as a human. Forget the character of a person - just the fact that you are human means you deserve at least a modicum amount of respect and using you for excitement and diversion is NOT respectful. However, do not try to move on until you are ready. If you are not ready, deep down in your heart, to leave the affair, you will not succeed. I am living proof.

 

Hopefully, I can take my own advice someday.

[aries]

rulumni,

I agree totally with everything you said. It is a fairy tale with only a very few, happy endings. I guess we all try to hope that our own situations will overcome all odds but then you start to see that it will be very unlikely and enough is enough. I am just glad I got out when I did and our agreement was mutual. I still think of him a lot even now, 7 mos. later. I wonder if he thinks of me too? I know that is something that I would not want answered because either way it would be painful. I hope in time I will cease to continue to think of him so much because it can be maddening.

 

Support Always,

Aries

[arcadia_1977]

I really appreciate the kind words, and I'm pretty sure, you're right, but like you said I have to be ready to give, and I guess I'm just not ready. I keep waiting for someone else to come into my life that will take his place and believe me I haven't quit looking, but so far no one has had any interest in me.

I just wanted to say that everybody's advice was taken to heart, and hopefully I can make the best of it all. I just hope this doesn't last much longer.

[hunter]

So how does one deal with the hurt after you have called it off with the married guy, I am working with him and I am heartbroken. It would have almost been easier to stay in the relationship. BUT I KNOW IT WAS WRONG!!!!

 

The married guy is the last person I think of when I go to bed, and the first person that I think of in the morning.

 

What the hell is wrong with me. I feel as tho I am losing my mind. I want these feelings to end, but as long as we are still in a working relationship I feel as tho they won't.

 

I love this job and the pay is awesome. Quitting is not an option.

 

Please don't hate me for falling in love with a married guy, it was not intended.

 

[aries]

I think only time can help heal the feelings that you have. It is different for everyone I guess. You just have to tell yourself that you are doing the right thing. You also have to stop subcoming to the fantasy of the relationship and deal with the true realities of it. I lived in the fantasy for a long time. Once we stopped having contact, the realities of what we were doing and how we could hurt so many people became more real. You just have to let go. I also tried to focus on some of the negative traits that this person had to try to come to grips that he is not "perfect" and that we might not have made it anyhow. Sometimes you have to try to make yourself believe something to get through it all, even if it is negative thoughts. If you cannot leave your job, then you have to realize it may take a little longer to get over it just because you are still having some kind of contact with him. Just be strong and try to do what is right.

 

Support Always,

Aries

 

"I know what I was feelin', but what was I thinkin'?"--Dierks Bentley

[hunter]

Thanks aries

 

I just take things one day at a time.

Eventually time will heal the hurt. At least that is what I tell myself.

I tell myself that if he is emotionally cheating with me on his wife, then what would he do if we were ever together, and this is what gets me thru the day.

 

When I ended it, it was the hardest thing that I had ever done, but the truth is I felt like a 1000 pound weight had been lifted off me and I felt better. So I know that what I did was right, just try tell that to my heart tho.

 

We had a heart to heart talk, and we get along great at the office, and we are friends, and that won't change.

We just both know where to draw the line.

 

Thanks for the advice.

[NEONINK]

Just be glad you aren't the poor old wife that's always been home wondering.... You instead have a world of possibility in front of you.

 

 

I just want to say from experience, the one that gets cheated on may end up tormented for years. They may experience low self-esteem, extreme depression, suicidal thoughts, lose trust in everyone around them and never want to open their heart again to love.

 

I'm sure most of the "other women" and "other men" would never intentionally hurt another person if their life depended on it, but out of sight, out of mind. They may be crushing the spirit of another human being without realizing it.

 

Obviously, it's actually the married cheating spouses responsibility to conduct their life appropriately. If they aren't happy with their marriage, they need to get the hell out of it. But to cheat, is to possibly do irreparable damage to a human being. How can you ever love a cheater, when you can't respect the cheater? I'll never know...

[amerikajin]

Before I dispense my unsolicited advice, know that I'm not trying to get on some kind of moral soapbox. I found myself in a similar situation about four years ago. It got off to an unusual start like so many of the stories I've read here.

 

When I was 25, I met this woman in an airport. At the time, she was married with one child. We met up, started talking, getting into the groove of the conversation and giving each other good vibes (and for the time being nothing else). I flew home to my destination, and she to hers. We lived three states apart. We exchanged email addresses before we left.

 

Next day I remember not being able to get her out of my mind. It was just this insatiable curiosity. Something didn't quite add up. I knew she was married and everything, and I generally respected that. At the same time, though, a part of my wanted to know more about her. I somehow sensed that she liked me as more than just a friend, and I think she knew the same was true of me.

 

So I dropped her a line.

 

When I got home from work that night, she had written a note back. Platonic at first.

 

Then I decided to dig deeper. Curious, I wrote a longer note just to pry a little. I just remember telling her that she appeared to be a little lonely when I left to go catch my flight. Then the floodgates opened! She wrote me e-mails basically telling me that she was onto me, and it all caught me by surprise. I guess to be honest, I was flattered and I enjoyed the attention I was receiving, but I also knew this created a moral dilemma. Right or wrong, my response was to take middle ground. I basically told her that while I was, truthfully speaking, attracted to her, I could not engaged in some kind of extra-marital affair with her.

 

Unfortunately for both of us, her husband intercepted my last email to her and, as one would expect, he flipped his lid. I thought she had given me an alternative address, but she hadn't. One of my girl friends at the time surmised that she might have done this on purpose, and she never outright denied it. Needless to say, I was literally sick at my stomach. I felt like I'd just broken up a family, though she assured me this was not my fault.

 

There was a period of about three or four days when I didn't know what was going to happen, nor did I know what to do. I didn't even know what I wanted, nor what she wanted. I told her to sort things out with her husband, that this was probably just some kind of mistake that could be repaired in time. She insisted that it was no mistake - she wanted out of her relationship and she wanted to know me better.

 

At first I took the friend approach. But within 10 days it was clear that she was serious about splitting up with him, and so I decided that if that were the case, why not see where it leads. Her husband moved out the following week and we started calling each other with some degree of regularity. We set up our first encounter about six weeks after the fact. And from there it just went on into a beautiful relationship for the next 21 months.

I quit my job, moved three states over, took another job and moved in with her and her son.

 

Unfortunately, though, living with each other wasn't quite what we expected it to be. We argued some, but mainly when we had disagreements we just didn't talk to each other, stopped having sex, that kind of thing. There were too many pressures bearing down on us. My career was dead in the water after I moved. I lost my job and couldn't find another one after that. I began to feel like I'd given up too much and that she wasn't giving anything in return, though looking back on it, I think she did make more sacrifices than I gave her credit for in the beginning. We also had a clash of personalities and the dynamics were tough. I was still immature in some ways, and I should have given myself more time and space rather than moving in with her. Long story short, we split up.

 

Generally, it's not a good idea to get hooked up with a married person. There's always a tendency for those of us on the outside, who are attracted to spouses looking outside the marraige, to rationalize our involvement by saying "Well, they're not happy, and they're going to get divorced anyway, so let things happen." But the truth is, when you're on the outside, you just don't know what's going on inside the marriage. We only get one person's perspective. It's not enough to say that someone's unhappy in a marriage - that doesn't give others the right to invade. And for the record, while I do not honestly believe that I caused my ex lover's divorce, I understand now in a way that I didn't before that I was still too much involved in her life at that time. That wasn't my business. Live and learn, I guess.

[14felicity]

Message to Yang,

I'm new to this forum but read your post and wanted to respond.

 

I know what you are going through and can relate with your message. I never thought I, of all people, would ever get attached to a married man. I did, it started out as friends and just evolved to a point where it became impossible to deny. At the moment our feelings were expressed, I knew I couldn't be his friend anymore. The pain of pushing away someone I love deeply has been a great struggle but knowing what is best for me helps me stay strong. I have been weak 2x by calling him. He has called, sent letters and even shown up a couple of times. The last few months have been incredibly difficult. I feel that I have never loved another the way I love him. I try to stay away and can't believe that I used to be his wife's advocate. The bottome line, I think cheating is weak and wrong. But I have grown to understand now how someone, if vulverable enough can slip into an affair with someone who is willing to cheat.

 

I realize that you are where I could have been if I just gave up and surrendered to the emotions which if course I can fantasize that I want to do. I have to wake up every morning and remember who I am. I am not the other woman. I am a person who deserves to be #1. I have convictions, believe that what goes around comes around and am going to treat every day like its precious and not waste in on anything that doesn't support my spiritual/emotional growth.

 

I hope I don't seem to preach. I just hope you will take one day at a time and really look inside yourself for the answers. You deserve 100%, to live life in integrity and to be honored for what you have to offer but receiving someones undivided love and adoration. If you let go of this man, that will likely happen for you.

 

Being alone is difficult but much better than being lost in a relationship that is marred by dishonesty and lack of integrity. Trust me, the self respect you gain in moving on will help you gain strength to extricate yourself from this. You don't have to be a part of his mistakes.

 

In Peace

 

Felicity

[ILuvAJ4Life]

Originally posted by arcadia_1977

"Too late for me to give up!"

 

If you do nothing else, please don't trick yourself into believing it is too late. It is NEVER to late in a situation like this.

 

You know what I think is humerous. All the females have the same excuses....I'm not strong enough, it's been to long, he loves me, he wants to wait till his children get older and so on and so forth... And is it me or do they have a handbook for married men "one million and one excuses why you won't leave your wife", because I read alot of these things and the excuses are textbook.

 

I stopped telling myself I couldn't leave and I did.

[glogirl173]

It seems as though ALL nasty comments are being made toward the women who have affairs w/men. The men must also accept responsibility for an affair. AND there are many ways to have an affair, not just sexual.

 

Having lived half a century, I can state for a fact that it DOES just happen. Mature adult or not has nothing to do with re-acting to true love. Now we get to the interesting part. If you just lust after a married person, hey, that is easy to control. Infatuation is for the very young as well, and you learn to let go of that as well. It is easy compared to falling in love, I mean love, with someone. AND NO you do not have to act on it. Many people marry for reasons other than love. Especially men, but women do, too. Marital relations are not the be-all, end-all relationships young people think of when they marry at 18-30.

 

If you are lucky enough to find someone you REALLY REALLY LOVE, and you marry them, I am sure your life would be grand, right? Well, you may really love them, but they may not feel as intimate with you. There are many levels of intimacy. Good friends can sometimes be more emotionally intimate than a marriage partner. Some people have open marriages, and look the other way at their spouse's sexual affairs because they do not want a sexual affair with their partner, or they do not want to break up their home, kids with divorce. I have met many men who are very dissatisfied with their sexual partnerships with their wives. Before you judge, you need more facts. And we do not know what REALLY goes on at home. All we have is our PERCEPTIONS of that.

 

Sometimes, the affair helps the person stay in a marriage and raise kids. I know that sounds CRAZY, but I have met many people who do have affairs, men and women. What their spouse doesn't know, they feel, doesn't hurt them. They keep it a secret. Many divorce after the kids are gone because that's why they got married to begin with. The woman got pregnant, and the man, immature about relationships, gets married to help take care of the kids. But when you don't have that bond of raising kids any longer, your energies are focused elsewhere. Many married men never feel close to their kids, unless they have sons they can play with, and do not know how to be intimate until much later in life. (35-50)

 

I have lived in many areas of the country, met many people from all over the world, and had many types of relationships. Love, I think, is most important. Some people confuse lust with love. It is not easy for women to separate sexual feelings with love. Most of my friends can not, and they are older. I suggest that all people involved in extra-marital affairs think diligently before acting on their feelings. And the best way, I have found, to get past these affairs is to find someone else that meets your needs. It takes a lot of energy to date those turkeys, but they need to learn, too, about love and intimacy. Having a positive attitude, and not whining about your "married person", will help you find another person who is more available, all ways.

[font=arial][/font][color=blue][/color]

[IRULE]

First someone said until you walk in my shoes,well same goes for you when you are the wife how are you going to feel when your husband is sleeping around on you?

when you know he is married if he wants to be with you,why if his marriage is so bad , does he not divorce his wife and be with you? maybe he is using you and has no intentions of leaving,so maybe you think if you sleep with him he will eventually leave.

love grows because you allow it to. you can control your actions and excuse me for stating a fact but anyone who believes otherwise is kidding themselves.

 

someone said people say hurtful things when they don't know your feelings,well maybe thats because you are not thinking of his wifes feelings,so why are your feelings more important.

 

If his wife is so horrible why does he stay? oh right the kids the dog the money.excuses excuses and thats all it is.he is not leaving because he can get his cake and eat it to,he lies to her and he lies to you.and when he does not leave for you, you will finally see the truth.If he does leave for you,he will also do the same thing to you.Its a fantasy world, open your eyes and people would not get hurt .including you.and yes my husband screwed around, and is lucky I did not kill him.only because God said tho shalt not kill. my typing sucks and i do not care

 

do unto others

ignorance is bliss

messing with someone Else's spouse is messing with your life

what comes around goes around

paybacks a bitch

[firebird494]

To whom this is read by, I have read for an hour how seeing a married man is so bad. The one I am with was my best friend for 4 yrs. We both have had our buddy times, other relationships in the past. maybe our relationship is not ordinary but its real. I know where he stands and he knows where I stand. I can truly say I love him, respect him and I will be there for him as he does me.

[lonelyguyinlove12345]

Ok its time for me to be the unpopular one. I had a friend I work with. We have been friends for years. Later we began to help each other with relationship problems. We gave each other advice and we found that we are very compatable. We planned on not doing anything because we are both attached to our spouses. She is catholic and she would feel extreame guilt. Eventually we fell in love without even making love. I Was crazy about her and she was crazy about me. We couldnt resist. We ended up making love and falling even deeper in love. We both started having more problems at home. We both planned on leaving in six months. We figured we could make a easier break. Well after 5 months. She is now afraid to leave because of her kids. She is worried they will have a hard time adjusting. I am a very loving person. I would treat those kids and her wonderfully. I have a daughter of my own. She is 9. We are very close. I can understand how you would do anything for your kids. I would. I have. I got to the point that I know she would be happier if I am happier. I am now playing the waiting game. I dont know if she will ever leave. She says she loves me like no other man. She has always told me the truth. It is just killing me. I cant imagine my life without her. So I understand how people fall in love with someone else. I will say, if you are thinking about cheating, Dont get to serious. If your heart gets involved then you may get hurt.

I love her. I will wait for her as long as it takes.

[justneedtoknow]

You know he will tell you everything you want to hear so he can get a little (something different then the same old same old) but you know what if his marriage is in bad shape he needs to seperate from his wife first before you get involved then you know for a fact something is wrong in the marriage and it's not just a lie, men (and women) will lie and tell you anything but most of the time they go back home and you are hurt, the wife even if she didn't know was hurt because home is never the same when a spouse is having an affair no matter how hard they try to pretend everything is normal,no one can live two lies at the same time and do it perfectly--the lie at home and the lie with you---be careful or what is fun and exciting now will probably hurt you later--plus after awhile you will be the same old same old----------------

 

just my 2 cents

justneedtoknow

[Menners]

Hi I'm new to this so here is my advice to the girl who is in love with a married man. First of all to the people that are practically biting her head off, lighten up a little!! I'm not saying that she is doing the right thing but I do have to say that I've been there before and it is a very painful relationship to be in especially when children are involved. So never and I mean never say that you would never put yourself in that situation because that's B/S. I swore that these things would never happen to me until it actually did. The girl needs to have a serious chat with the married man and then lay the cards down and make a decision. Most of the time, the answers are negative but you have to be positive in life and move on. In my situation at the moment there are no children involved and he has a very religious wife that is never there for him in any way. We play in a band together and I see this guy more that the wife does. She just so wrapped up in her religious beliefs that she make no time for him. Hang in there!!

[sis]

I've been married to a cheater maybe 18 years.

I'll never know how long his ego has been running wild.

All I can say, Once a Cheater is almost always a cheater.

I can't get over the fact he f---- a girl in the van he and I both own, that he use's for work. He claimed he met her at a laundry matt! How about that excuse? I ask what are you doing at a laundry matt? He said washing his work shoes and work rags. Why couldn’t he have washed them at home? He said I really didn't want him to wash work shoes in my $1500. Washer! Okay that was a lie, because I have always washed his work shoes but I do rinse them out before putting them into the washer. I know every women has their on set ways and I’m picky to the point if you through work shoes in the washer please make sure you beet them out from all the sand they may have inside and on the bottoms. Why did he f--- a girl surly couldn't be a true woman? We have children and most of all he didn't use any pertaction at all. He said she was attractive. And she came on to him and knew he was married, what happen to being an adult and knowing right from wrong? Did she force him, No!

Will how attractive was she that she screwed you in public and how many guys has she done this with? I don't know how to forgive him, He would have never told me. But I knew something for a while was going on to long. That I knew the only way to find out was to plant a recorder in his van, Dame sure, he was caught on the tape talking to one of the guys about going to the tity bar. And how this one bitch was so great. When I ask him about titty bars he said I've never been there. He swearing on his kid’s life, then I ask him have you ever been with another women since we got married almost 18 years ago, he said no. Later I knew with my gut feeling he had been with another female. Should I say not a women or a mother, because we know what true slut's are and she was one, but so was he. I have been told of some of the details and dame it makes me sick, and I want to hate this man I have spent my whole life with and he was always accusing me of cheating, this was his gilt eating him up. I told him a man that is truly a man want hurt the women they love or the children they love.

He tells me this should open our eyes to a better future. I can only see my self going crazy, to have put up with all the **** his family put me through and If he wanted something else why didn't he just face it like a real man and say we need to split. He was always working so I never really got to see him very much and that big dollar he was supposed to have made turned into a small dollar. I use to think he only used me for a piece and then it was over, Why did he always disrespect me and my feeling's, and When I was angry for him working all the time, he said I was always bitching, yes I admit it but why would you work a sec job to supply the guys more then what you would make a 2000.00 job turned out to be 100.00 job when he came home, I tried to tell him money was not everything, but he made me feel it was to him, so the $thousands of dollars he can't account for he don't know what happen, he said he spent it on the job, but no receipts to prove it. Was I stupid and wanted to believe my darling husband that use to tell me he was not cheating but guys would make comments about him that I over heard and when I questioned him about it, he would say do you believe them or me? I only wanted to believe my husband. What happen to the man I married, did he not think of my needs as a woman and that I have had the opportunity but never would take it, for?

Oh and by the way he also said he didn't know if I loved him? When I just bought him a $50,000. Truck! I could have bought my self a corvette. But wanted to give him the very best. I’m his wife that he should love if not why couldn’t he just tell me, we need to separate. My children are destroyed by this as well their both teen girls, that he has destroyed our family. What would others do, if this happen to them. Im now being told I'm crazy! Ya maybe for staying with him. But he says he loves me more then life and he relized he screwed up. But this would never happen again. Love Me

[sweetthang]

I know what it feels like to be in love with a married man. I'm 16 and he is 32. We have never physically done anything. He is a good friend of my family's and he is one of my best friends. He is a Christian who sings in a Christian group.

 

We flirt together a lot. At first it started out with just minor things. He would call me good looking and that would be it. Now he calls me baby sometimes, he has held my hand, he's rubbed my legs, he came up and kissed me on the cheek for no reason. People ask me all the time, when they see us together, if I'm his wife. His wife knows me and likes me. He jokes around with her about me but I don't think she knows all the stuff he has done. He tells me, two more years until it's legal.

 

Him and his wife were having serious problems at one time. He hasn't said if they are anymore but I'm not sure. They have two kids. I don't want to do anything to ruin their home. I just want to know if he has feelings for me or if he is just leading me on. I love having him as a friend and I would be fine if we were just friends. I just need some answers.

 

What do ya'll think?