CaliGuy Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 When I look back at the men I've dated or had relationships with, most have been 6' and over. Sometimes you can't help what you're attracted to. Using that same logic, attaction is just that. A guy being less than 6', still attracts me. Do we have chemistry? If the answer is yes, then, any superficial criteria is off. I have yet to figure out what causes chemistry but when it happens...zowie!! The look may attract you, but it's how they make you FEEL that makes you say "zowie!" Trust me on that one Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 I agree, "it's your loss" seems so bitter, it's nothing personal, how could it be, you haven't even got to know each other. Say I was approached by a guy and I would say: "sorry I'm not attracted to men", why would that make it "my loss"? Because, obviously it really isn't. Some things you know at forehand won't work for you... and the first thing you look at is looks. If you want to approach the whole matter in this sort of way it would be better to say: "my gain", because, as CaliGuy said, you're that much closer to your true love. That is one way of looking at it, I suppose. I say "It's their loss" because I know what my makeup is as a man. But yes you could say "it's my gain" as well because in the end all the wrong person for you is doing is getting in your way Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 I personally would find it difficult to date a guy shorter than me.... But I'm a petite 4'10" so that would b a challenge... my partner is a little short of 6', and I just believe that if you can comfortably rest your head in the middle of his chest and feel his heartbeat, it's the best height of all.... Aaaaah...isn't that sweet....? (Why? Where did you THINK I was gonna say....?) Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 The look may attract you, but it's how they make you FEEL that makes you say "zowie!" Trust me on that one Oh? Hmmm... I personally would find it difficult to date a guy shorter than me.... But I'm a petite 4'10" so that would b a challenge... my partner is a little short of 6', and I just believe that if you can comfortably rest your head in the middle of his chest and feel his heartbeat, it's the best height of all.... Aaaaah...isn't that sweet....? (Why? Where did you THINK I was gonna say....?) I was doing the comparison since I'm only about 4.5" taller than you. You maybe a little off there... Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 I personally would find it difficult to date a guy shorter than me.... But I'm a petite 4'10" so that would b a challenge... my partner is a little short of 6', and I just believe that if you can comfortably rest your head in the middle of his chest and feel his heartbeat, it's the best height of all.... Aaaaah...isn't that sweet....? (Why? Where did you THINK I was gonna say....?) With my ex bf he used to love it when he'd hug me, I'd rest my chin on his chest and look up at him. I'm 5"2 and he is about 5"10 if I recall correctly. He saw me do it once with my current bf and it crushed him, I felt so ****ty after seeing the look on his face Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 Aaaaah...isn't that sweet....? (Why? Where did you THINK I was gonna say....?) I had no idea that it's sweet. Or, supposed to be sweet. Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 He saw me do it once with my current bf and it crushed him, I felt so ****ty after seeing the look on his face I guess it could have been worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 you guys....! (sorry, Guys and Gals....) Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 I guess it could have been worse. Well this was after I broke his heart, hooked up with my current bf a few days after I broke it off with the ex, he walked in on us doing...something at a party and pretty much he left our circle of friends because I refused to hide my new relationship and he couldn't bear to see it. Damn I was such a bitch! But I do feel terrible Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 , hooked up with my current bf a few days after I broke it off with the ex, Where's Alpha when you need him? He would be adding you to his extensive collection of references. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 How long ago was this? Things have changed, right? I mean, time over, you'd do things differently, yeah? Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 Where's Alpha when you need him? He would be adding you to his extensive collection of references. Hey, in my defence I was 17! I would never do such a thing again. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 darlin' Coco.... Well, if it still ties your stomach in knots when you think about it, then you haven't dropped it.... Try to let it go... We all make mistakes, (said the porcupine climbing off the yard-broom....) The worst thing about mistakes though, is that we keep whangin' ourselves upside the head with them, which isn't healthy.... Just a short-arse, passin' something on.... Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 darlin' Coco.... Well, if it still ties your stomach in knots when you think about it, then you haven't dropped it.... Try to let it go... We all make mistakes, (said the porcupine climbing off the yard-broom....) The worst thing about mistakes though, is that we keep whangin' ourselves upside the head with them, which isn't healthy.... Just a short-arse, passin' something on.... Yeah I guess you're right. I haven't even thought about him in awhile, but I did see him the other day and he still gives me the wounded puppy dog look, so hard not to feel bad And thats from this short arse Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 Hey, in my defence I was 17! I would never do such a thing again. Well, my heart went boom When I crossed that room And I held her hand in mine Link to post Share on other sites
ElvenPriestess Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 Late in the game but here I go. I've dated guys one inch taller than me and guys 10 inches taller. Did it effect my choice to date them? No. Do I like it when my head can rest on his chest when we're both standing? Sure! But I guess being 5"2, it's not a huge problem finding the height in men for the most part;) I do think that it's a woman's security feel she likes to have with the height thing. Protective in a way. It's reassuring on a lot of levels, mentally. But realistically, to the OP, there is no such thing as "the perfect height" or "the best height as compared to the woman's height." Why? I'd take the shorter sweetheart over the tall jack ass any day;) Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 Oh? Hmmm... Sure. If you think long and hard about the men you've been with in your life, why you pursued the relationship more than likely wasn't due to how he looked but how he made you feel. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 Sure. If you think long and hard about the men you've been with in your life, why you pursued the relationship more than likely wasn't due to how he looked but how he made you feel. I was teasing. I do know that. Seriously speaking, chemistry takes two to make happen. It's more complex than how someone makes you feel because that's assuming you have full control over another's feelings. Perhaps what you're saying, and correct me if I've misinterpreted this, it's how you make each other feel. If both parties are attracted and one party makes known their strong interest, it can spark some strong reciprocal interest. With the above in mind, you can be guaranteed that height isn't the sole driver and more often than not, not even an element of attraction. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 I was teasing. I do know that. Seriously speaking, chemistry takes two to make happen. It's more complex than how someone makes you feel because that's assuming you have full control over another's feelings. Perhaps what you're saying, and correct me if I've misinterpreted this, it's how you make each other feel. If both parties are attracted and one party makes known their strong interest, it can spark some strong reciprocal interest. Yes and no. It's how you make each other feel, but I have been on both sides of the coin. I have wanted to stay with someone based on how they made me feel even though the feelings weren't reciprocal. I've also been the one to walk away from a relationship who felt that way about me (the way I made her feel) though I didn't feel the same. When the feelings, as in "It's how she makes me feel" - "It's how he makes me feel" are in sync, blissful relationship usually abound. None of those feelings are based on the physical aspect of the relationship. Maybe in the beginning but over time that infatuation will fade and all you really have left is the person inside that body. With the above in mind, you can be guaranteed that height isn't the sole driver and more often than not, not even an element of attraction. Agreed, 100%. Those who use height as the "measuring stick" of a man, so to speak, will find more often than not the sum of a man is who he is on the inside, not what he is on the outside. Cheers and HAPPY NEW YEAR Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 Yes and no. It's how you make each other feel, but I have been on both sides of the coin. I have wanted to stay with someone based on how they made me feel even though the feelings weren't reciprocal. I've also been the one to walk away from a relationship who felt that way about me (the way I made her feel) though I didn't feel the same. When the feelings, as in "It's how she makes me feel" - "It's how he makes me feel" are in sync, blissful relationship usually abound. None of those feelings are based on the physical aspect of the relationship. Maybe in the beginning but over time that infatuation will fade and all you really have left is the person inside that body. Agreed, 100%. Those who use height as the "measuring stick" of a man, so to speak, will find more often than not the sum of a man is who he is on the inside, not what he is on the outside. Cheers and HAPPY NEW YEAR No disagreement here. More semantics. Back atcha' babe. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 It's only to ease rejection "IF" you are insecure. If you are confident and secure, you don't even let it phase you at all. The "it's their loss" mentality normally eminates from people who are secure in themselves. If they have to say it out loud, to themselves or others, then it could be construed as being insecure. LOL. You were the one who actually wrote that if someone rejected you because of your height, it would be "their loss". And I think it's the total opposite. People who feel the need to say this are insecure. Otherwise, why the need to rationalize your rejection and try to take some kind of parting shot? I think a secure person would just feel they were not a match and leave it at that, rather than needing to be so petty about being rejected. If I am DQ'd for physical reasons, then so be it. I have a pretty high self-esteem and don't fall apart if one guy doesn't find me attractive, and I don't consider it "his loss". lol. I don't really agree with this simply because the human mind is not bound by "hardwiring". This is the sort of mentality (and I am not saying it about you in particular) that has it's roots in neanderthal-ish thinking (if that in and of itself is not an oxymoron). Biological hardwiring is in our genetics, and not a function of intellect (Or in our mind, as you said). It is an unconscious draw and instinct, and has nothing to do with making choices based on personality. I think you're confusing the issues a bit. I was making the argument that people are ATTRACTED to the strong and attractive of the species more than one with a personality, based on instincts and drives. Many people are with partners who are less than their ideal or desired physical type. Having to settle or be with someone who doesn't turn you on as much as someone else may isn't quantifiable scientific fact. Rather it would be more telling to poll these mismatches and ask if they could take their partners personality and place it in the body of someone different. I think there you would see my point substantiated. Plus the fact, the betas of all species aren't generally allowed alpha choices and are relegated to sticking with a different level in the species. It's just how it goes across the animal kingdom... Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 LOL. You were the one who actually wrote that if someone rejected you because of your height, it would be "their loss". And I think it's the total opposite. People who feel the need to say this are insecure. It's not something you say to yourself or others, it's just something you know Otherwise, why the need to rationalize your rejection and try to take some kind of parting shot? Nope. You don't have to say a word to them. I know I don't I think a secure person would just feel they were not a match and leave it at that, rather than needing to be so petty about being rejected. You're probably misconstruing how I use it. I don't "throw it back in their face." I just walk away. The secure side of me says in my head "It's their loss" but it's not something I feel I need to say to others or to them, ya know? If I am DQ'd for physical reasons, then so be it. I have a pretty high self-esteem and don't fall apart if one guy doesn't find me attractive, and I don't consider it "his loss". lol. Oh but some part of you does. To say rejection doesn't phase you in the least bit is not really being realistic or totally honest with yourself. Rejection effects us all, more or less than others. Biological hardwiring is in our genetics, and not a function of intellect (Or in our mind, as you said). It is an unconscious draw and instinct, and has nothing to do with making choices based on personality. I think you're confusing the issues a bit. I was making the argument that people are ATTRACTED to the strong and attractive of the species more than one with a personality, based on instincts and drives. Many people are with partners who are less than their ideal or desired physical type. Agreed. Having to settle or be with someone who doesn't turn you on as much as someone else may isn't quantifiable scientific fact.[/quote Ah but that isn't even an afterthought. If the person is right for you personality wise and sparks the attraction from within, it isn't settling in the least bit. To me, settling is choosing someone much more for their physical attributes (looks/body) than what really counts, what's inside (personality). Rather it would be more telling to poll these mismatches and ask if they could take their partners personality and place it in the body of someone different. I think there you would see my point substantiated. Plus the fact, the betas of all species aren't generally allowed alpha choices and are relegated to sticking with a different level in the species. It's just how it goes across the animal kingdom... If you think of yourself on the same level as the animal kingdom perhaps this makes perfect sense to you. I tend to think of mankind on a much higher level. Cheers Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 (edited) If you think of yourself on the same level as the animal kingdom perhaps this makes perfect sense to you. I tend to think of mankind on a much higher level. Cheers LMAO. I wouldn't have expected you to understand it anyhow. But my original opinion remains valid (if not moreso now - lol). Men shorter than 6' are not attractive. And I know many women here have echoed this sentiment. It must be hard for those not making the bar to accept that, but we just can't change reality... Edited December 31, 2007 by Jilly Bean Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 LMAO. I wouldn't have expected you to understand it anyhow. I do... I just don't agree But my original opinion remains valid (if not moreso now - lol). Men shorter than 6' are not attractive. To you, yes. If that floats your boat, have fun. Can't help but feel that in some ways you may have missed out on Mr. Right due to that opinion And I know many women here have echoed this sentiment. It must be hard for those not making the bar to accept that, but we just can't change reality... Meh, like I said. If you're confident, you don't let it bother you. I, being a mere 5'10", have dated women as tall as 6'2" (without shoes) and as short a 4'10". In each and every case, it wasn't height that attracted me to them, but who they were. And I usually (and I say usually because there are exceptions) take a long time getting to know someone before I see them as "attractive" or not. Cheers. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 But my original opinion remains valid (if not moreso now - lol). Men shorter than 6' are not attractive. And I know many women here have echoed this sentiment. It must be hard for those not making the bar to accept that, but we just can't change reality... I couldn't agree more. It's natural selection in action. Short guys should just give up and get out of the gene pool. It would be a lot easier for them and for everyone else. Link to post Share on other sites
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