separated in the same house; would wife come around

[redblack66]

Kick her damn ass out of the house! Don't goto France, and make sure the kids stay with you. She continues to CHEAT! That is why she doesn't want to work on the marriage. Funny how right after MC she goes runing to him. He will tell her eveyrthing she wants to hear. So let her self-destruct.

 

I told you before to use tough love, USE IT NOW. You keep tolerating her bull**** and she will continue to believe she is the victim. Not until she realizes what she is doing is wrong will things start to change. However as long as this OM is in the picture good chance that things will stay the same between you and her.

 

Contact your attorney and tell her things are now over. You refuse to be treated like this any longer. Pull that damn safety net away already!

 

I WILL use tough love. I am going to destruct myself otherwise.

I will call my lawyer and consider seriously applying for divorce.

Either she is in our out. I am hurt and angry for being treated like that, especially when there are two beautiful kids and their life will be affected.

 

She has been asking me to let her go for Christmas and New Year's eve to her parents. I have been denying this so far, but I think I should let them go and use the time to re-organize my life.

Shall I let them go and take care of myself.

 

I am thinking to call this guy and tell him to stay away. Is this a good idea, or just ignore it?

 

All of you have been a really good guidance.

[Chrome Barracuda]

I WILL use tough love. I am going to destruct myself otherwise.

I will call my lawyer and consider seriously applying for divorce.

Either she is in our out. I am hurt and angry for being treated like that, especially when there are two beautiful kids and their life will be affected.

 

She has been asking me to let her go for Christmas and New Year's eve to her parents. I have been denying this so far, but I think I should let them go and use the time to re-organize my life.

Shall I let them go and take care of myself.

 

I am thinking to call this guy and tell him to stay away. Is this a good idea, or just ignore it?

 

All of you have been a really good guidance.

 

Ok, then you know what R&B you let her go with her parents and before she steps outside the door you tell her merry Christams and serve her with divorce papers.

 

Then you call the in laws and tell them the daughter has been emotionally cheating with another man for so and so time. I'm getting divorced because I'm not gonna stand for it! my family is important but my self respect is more than anything! I will not be disrespected and cheating is not allowed. I am buying her out of the house and she's not my problem anymore.

 

Goodbye...

[Gunny376]

I did not realize she was still in contact with the OM?

 

jMargel's right time for plan "B"

 

Time for tough love!

 

Hell yea! Call the SOB and damn what she thinks of it? The SOB is interferring with your life, your marriage, you and your wife, your children. What man wouldn't stand up and call him on it? He's disrespecting you, your marriage, your family, your everything.

 

Man breaks into your house ~ you just going to let him come in and take what he wants?

 

"Invasion of privacy" my ass! She's got a problem with it? That's what it is ~ her freaking problem. She wants to act and be single~ I'd be accomadating her!

 

Forget this drinking "doubles" while she's acting single.

 

Time to bring in the lawyers ~ time to lawyer up! And I'd be shooting for the moon ~ you can always settle for a lower orbit.

 

As Missy stated ~ time for "pain associated learning"

[Missy27]

I did not realize she was still in contact with the OM?

 

jMargel's right time for plan "B"

 

Time for tough love!

 

Hell yea! Call the SOB and damn what she thinks of it? The SOB is interferring with your life, your marriage, you and your wife, your children. What man wouldn't stand up and call him on it? He's disrespecting you, your marriage, your family, your everything.

 

Man breaks into your house ~ you just going to let him come in and take what he wants?

 

"Invasion of privacy" my ass! She's got a problem with it? That's what it is ~ her freaking problem. She wants to act and be single~ I'd be accomadating her!

 

Forget this drinking "doubles" while she's acting single.

 

Time to bring in the lawyers ~ time to lawyer up! And I'd be shooting for the moon ~ you can always settle for a lower orbit.

 

As Missy stated ~ time for "pain associated learning"

 

YEAH ~ I'm sorry too RB ~ I also didn't realise that she was still seeing OM ~ So I take back alot of what I said in my last post ~ it's not YOU that needs to bring your cards to the table at all ~ its HER ~

[redblack66]

YEAH ~ I'm sorry too RB ~ I also didn't realise that she was still seeing OM ~ So I take back alot of what I said in my last post ~ it's not YOU that needs to bring your cards to the table at all ~ its HER ~

 

I read her diary. She is unhappy about it, but when the future of kids and family is at stake, I do not feel bad about it.

 

It is a full affair, with all the emotions involved.

I told her I will make her life easier: she should prepare a separation agreement and I am filing for divorce.

She tells me it is not what I think it is. On my question if she has slept with the person, she says "I can't say", we are separated.

So, it is over.

[redblack66]

Friends, very important questions.

It is much more than just emotional affair.

 

 

1. Shall I call the other man and tell him he can have her or stay out of the picture?

2. Shall I call her father and say, she is involved with this guy. He has lived in their house.

 

A friend of mine told me to forget about this, but I feel getting "clean" out of it.

She loves me?!

[Gunny376]

If it were me? And I had my way about it ?

 

It'd be on the freaking 6 o'clock, 10 o'clock news and scrolling across the bottom the the tv ~ 24 freaking 7!

 

Hell yea! I'd be paying his little toy-boy azz a visit ~ up front and personal!

 

"You want her? You think your young azz can "tote the note" on her and a "ready made family?" You've got it!

 

I'd be letting her and him know? "Tha' BOYS are back in town!" That would be you and Mr. Reality!

 

I use to be where you are now! But I've come a long way in my thinking!

 

Now? Pity the fool of a woman that cheats on me or even hint of doing so, I won't!

[bestadvisor]

It is a full affair, with all the emotions involved.

I told her I will make her life easier: she should prepare a separation agreement and I am filing for divorce.

She tells me it is not what I think it is. On my question if she has slept with the person, she says "I can't say", we are separated.

So, it is over.

 

First, as I told you, there must have been an affair and there was. It all make sense now, otherwise she wouldn't have acted the way she did. She has slept with him already, otherwise she will say she did not. And, her allowing you to date is a clear indication that she slept with someone else.

 

You NEED to expose this affair to EVERYONE, especially her parents. It will protect your reputation, it will put this fantasy land back into reality, and much much more. You have to do it soon and do it without any warning to her. You need to do it whether you want to stay married or not.

[Kenyth]

*Sigh!*

 

In the end, it always winds up being the same old story doesn't it? Every time.

[bestadvisor]

*Sigh!*

 

In the end, it always winds up being the same old story doesn't it? Every time.

 

Sad, but true.

[redblack66]

 

Hell yea! I'd be paying his little toy-boy azz a visit ~ up front and personal!

 

He lives in Austalia. Not worth the trouble.

[bestadvisor]

He lives in Austalia. Not worth the trouble.

 

So, will he ever come back to U.S. in the foreseeable future? How's your wife's attitude now that you know about the affair? Sorry? Sad? Dont' care?

[redblack66]

So, will he ever come back to U.S. in the foreseeable future? How's your wife's attitude now that you know about the affair? Sorry? Sad? Dont' care?

 

This guy may come next summer to work at their farm, but who knows, he may not come.

My wife did not say anything, except that I should not be reading her diary. She says I don't understand. The descriptions are like high school

drama with a lot of romance, but there has been sex.

I feel so betrayed, that I feel throwing up looking at her.

I am gonna call her parents, so it is clear I am not the reason for this situation.

She will get a very rude awakening, but it will be too late.

[bestadvisor]

My first reaction to your story from the very beginning was there must have been an affair, but then you keep saying that there is none. How old is this other man? Could he be a player? What about STD testing? Why is an exchange student doing working at a farm? Her parents NEED to know the truth.

 

How long did she stayed with him at her parents' house? Things must have progress very quickly.

[redblack66]

My first reaction to your story from the very beginning was there must have been an affair, but then you keep saying that there is none.

 

I trusted my wife 100%. Reading her diary, my legs and hands are shaking. It is absolutely unbelievable.

 

How old is this other man?

She is 36, he is 28.

 

Could he be a player?

 

What about STD testing?

We have not had sex for several months, so not worried about this.

 

Why is an exchange student doing working at a farm? Her parents NEED to know the truth.

They frequently have people from oversees to work there. I will call her father tonight and tell him that I thought I was the reason/guilty,

but now it is not me.

 

She kept looking for all signs of affairs in my life, dates, etc. I guess to justify what she has done.

 

How long did she stayed with him at her parents' house? Things must have progress very quickly.

 

A few months. She found somebody that likes horses and animals and fell in love big time. I read a description of their first kiss, first sexual experience etc.

 

Please keep asking and advising, as I find you very insightful.

 

 

My wife in my opinion is totally confused and will destroy kids life, her life, and could be my life. I just got to move on.

 

She is absolutely not willing to work on the marriage, but not in a hurry for a divorce. I have had absolutely enough.

[redblack66]

I am also thinking to call this guy and tell him that he can have her 100% and tell him that he destroyed a family, but truth is my wife's fault. Any advice here?

 

Should I talked to his father? I am totally confused. Help.

[bestadvisor]

I am also thinking to call this guy and tell him that he can have her 100% and tell him that he destroyed a family, but truth is my wife's fault. Any advice here?

 

Should I talked to his father? I am totally confused. Help.

 

You should definately talk to his father and do it soon. By doing this will make you less alone on this journey. It can also ensure that your wife will understand more about her actions. Right now, to her, her behavior is romantic, sexy and wonderfull. Prove her wrong and show her that her actions have consequences including shame.

 

Should you talk to this other man? What do you want to get out of it by talking to him? What can you gain other than let out some steam?

 

You should talk to her, whether you want to stay married or not. Find out why she did it, why she has to lie if she was leaving you anyway, just ask away. Try not to be mad and trying to stay calm when you asked these questions, because if you're mad, she won't want to communicate. Tell her what she is doing to you inside.

 

One thing is for sure, she will try to turn the table around and trying to blame it on you. Don't take it to heart; it's just her way of trying to make herself less guilty. The reason I want you talk to her is that whether you stay with her or not, it might help you improve in the future. No matter how horrible as a husband you were (I am sure you were not), there is NO justification for her behavior....always remember that.

[redblack66]

You should definately talk to his father and do it soon. By doing this will make you less alone on this journey. It can also ensure that your wife will understand more about her actions. Right now, to her, her behavior is romantic, sexy and wonderfull. Prove her wrong and show her that her actions have consequences including shame.

 

Did you mean the father of his man or her father. I should talk to her

father, I believe.

[bestadvisor]

Did you mean the father of his man or her father. I should talk to her

father, I believe.

 

Yeah, I meant her father.

 

Do you understand why I asked you to think twice about calling this other man? I want you to come up with a benefit and reason to call him before doing it based on impulse.

 

Now, it's definately time to remove yourself from the basement. You're not the one who had sex outside the marriage, you're not the one who wants a divorce, and you ARE the one who pays the bills. You deserve better.

[redblack66]

Yeah, I meant her father.

 

 

I just had a long conversation with him. He is speachless. He even asked me if this is not a fantasy. I said, no, it is for real. I have a copy of her diary, but I have not told anybody about it. I can easily mail a copy to him if he does not believe it. It is just unbelievable what it is inside. It is love beyond believe.

 

He is a very hard working farmer for whom adultery is absolutely out of the question. I told him that I am really concerned about the judgment of my wife, and he better talk to her. I will tell her tomorrow that I had a long conversation with him.

 

Woman with 2 kids having her heart and body into a 28 year old in the house with her parents.

 

Do you understand why I asked you to think twice about calling this other man? I want you to come up with a benefit and reason to call him before doing it based on impulse.

It is just impulse. I will not call.

 

Now, it's definately time to remove yourself from the basement. You're not the one who had sex outside the marriage, you're not the one who wants a divorce, and you ARE the one who pays the bills. You deserve better.

 

I tried tonight, but she tells me that the court order says that I will be in the basement. I think it says we live in separate parts of the house.

I will check with my lawyer and move myself upstairs.

 

 

So I did what I had to do informing the family.

[redblack66]

 

You should talk to her, whether you want to stay married or not. Find out why she did it, why she has to lie if she was leaving you anyway, just ask away. Try not to be mad and trying to stay calm when you asked these questions, because if you're mad, she won't want to communicate. Tell her what she is doing to you inside.

 

She tells me that she told me, but she did not. I asked her today to tell me more, but she just says we are separated.

 

One thing is for sure, she will try to turn the table around and trying to blame it on you.

She has been doing this big time.

 

Don't take it to heart; it's just her way of trying to make herself less guilty. The reason I want you talk to her is that whether you stay with her or not, it might help you improve in the future. No matter how horrible as a husband you were (I am sure you were not), there is NO justification for her behavior....always remember that.

 

NO justification whatsoever. I told the same to her father. She is in a fantasy world with full moons, kisses, love you, etc. I feel she will get a rude wakening, but I will not be there to help.

 

I can forgive her, but she has no desire to make any steps towards working on our marriage.

 

I wonder why she came to marriage counseling, perhaps to feel less guilty by putting some effort.

 

Now I know why she is so curious about my previous and current life: she just want to find justification for what she is up to.

[bestadvisor]

Doesn't it feel so much better that her dad knows now? Whatever you decide to do now, keep your integrity. Stop those "dates" with this other woman, even though it was nothing more than just friendship.

[redblack66]

What about her reactions to you find out? Is she remorseful (maybe not for her actions) but at least for hurting you? Does your finding out make her want to stay away from you even more? Will she discontinue contact? What happens now?

 

She is not remorseful at all. She is not remorseful for hurting me.

I have never been hurt SO BAD. It is the ultimate betrayal. I trusted

her so much.

 

Perhaps she wants to stay away from me even more, but I am not concerned about it now. I am sure she will not discontinue contact with him and I will not ask her to do so.

 

She kept telling me that there is nobody in her life.

 

Tonight I did not talk to her. I do not feel talking to her at all. She just blew 11 years together and the good future of the kids away.

[redblack66]

Doesn't it feel so much better that her dad knows now? Whatever you decide to do now, keep your integrity. Stop those "dates" with this other woman, even though it was nothing more than just friendship.

 

bestadvisor, you are really, really best advisor. The other "woman" advised me the same. I just talked to her on the phone. I am stopping everything and will NOT allow any disrespect.

 

What now. I told her to make a separation plan that I will consider and

I will file for divorce. We have a court date on 12 Dec. Couple of friends told me not to hurry; however, I am self destructing myself.

Sure, if there is love and passion, people can remarry, and she is the type of person that would do it if it comes to it.

[bestadvisor]

Now you know, you cannot trust anything she tells you now. When and if it does come to divorce, make sure you protect yourself, your assets and your kids.

 

It seems that she won't be coming around (meaing willing to work on the marriage) anytime soon if ever. If she does, it might be months or years from now. It's up to you if you are willing to wait and willing to forgive.

 

Don't rush to filie for divorce yet, unless it's absolutely necessary. You might be surprise by my advise, but the fact is you're very emotional now. When your'e emotional like this, it's not a good time to make such major decision. It's been going on for months, what's a few more days or weeks. The upcoming days or weeks will help you make more rational decision.