Jackson2008 Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 The OM has told her he has a girlfriend, had a fun with her, and that's all. Perhaps this make him even more attractive. I absolutely don't care. Did you volunteer this information to you? Why did she do that? The moment we agree on the settlement. This was supposed to be last week. My lawyer is taking longer than I anticipated. How much does your son understand what's going on? Link to post Share on other sites
Kenyth Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 Here is another thing, and I started scratching my head. She asked me why I am working out so seriously. I told her "It is natural selection baby. I must be attractive again." She said then "Are you having more kids." I said I was considering. Then she tells me "If you wanted to have more kids with me you could have saved your marriage." No comment. If any of you has insights on strange comments, I will be happy to learn from you. Yeah, I do. She can't understand why you stopped crawling on hands and knees after her mewling like a kitten. She checked her purse and found out you took your balls back. Her ego stings and it's causing her to have passing regrets and renewed interest. She wants an ego stroke. She's trying to keep you off balance and find out if you still want her. Don't pet this particular cat anymore. It's a phase, don't fall for it. If you started reciprocating, she'd lose interest faster than the US Fed prime rate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted April 2, 2008 Author Share Posted April 2, 2008 Yeah, I do. She can't understand why you stopped crawling on hands and knees after her mewling like a kitten. She checked her purse and found out you took your balls back. Her ego stings and it's causing her to have passing regrets and renewed interest. She wants an ego stroke. She's trying to keep you off balance and find out if you still want her. Don't pet this particular cat anymore. It's a phase, don't fall for it. If you started reciprocating, she'd lose interest faster than the US Fed prime rate. I agree completely with you. Ten days ago I made an Offer to Settle through my lawyer. One of the items is: after we settle financially, there is an immediate application for divorce based on adultery and she has to pay for the divorce. Nothing from her lawyer yet. I am slowly freaking out that that she may start to wanting back. I refuse to talk to her. Today she says she is not after divorce. I don't care. There is too much s--- for her to clean. Link to post Share on other sites
Kenyth Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 I hate to say this man, but if you want out, you may have to do something crazy. Like move out and quit paying any bills. She can't force you to pay anything without a court order, and she has to finish up the divorce to get one. If you create a legal document stating your intent with a reasonable time frame for you to leave, and you're not breaking any laws, it could work. It will shoot your credit rating to hell, so it's up to you. Cutting off the support is the only sure way to get her out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted April 3, 2008 Author Share Posted April 3, 2008 I hate to say this man, but if you want out, you may have to do something crazy. Like move out and quit paying any bills. She can't force you to pay anything without a court order, and she has to finish up the divorce to get one. Yes, I should have thought about this earlier. See, I have been a reasonable guy and getting into a money trap. If you create a legal document stating your intent with a reasonable time frame for you to leave, and you're not breaking any laws, it could work. It will shoot your credit rating to hell, so it's up to you. Cutting off the support is the only sure way to get her out. Actually, there is no money anymore. Tomorrow I am closing the joint account and perhaps stop paying some of the bills until I stop paying all of them. Link to post Share on other sites
confused62181 Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 I am in almost the same situation. I am married with 2 kids living in the same house as my husband. We are not legally separated yet. We are still doing things as a family though. Dinners, trips, etc. From what you have written I have quite a few similarities to your wife. I unfortunately had an event that caused our situation. He currently sleeps on a mat on the floor in my bedroom so that the children aren't aware of what is going on. Anyway my mind is made up I know we are over and I don't see us ever working but there are a lot of things going through my mind which makes it difficult to fully accept what's happening. This is probably what is happening with your wife. She's probably scared of becoming a single parent (one of my biggest fears). Even though he will be involved a lot I will be raising these children on my own. I also don't want to break up my family. As a family we work really well but as a couple we don't. She's probably also nervous that you may find someone. It's hard to accept that he may move on or find someone better than me. What's worse is he will most likely learn from the mistakes he made with me and treat the new woman in his life a lot better and since there are children involved he will always be a part of my life and I may see some of that change which is going to kill me. So in short there is definitely a possibility of her coming around but I don't think it will be for the right reasons. Try to go out and have a good time with your friends and possibly even date. It may help. I know that was probably hard to hear but honestly is thebest thing when someone is in a situation like yours. Link to post Share on other sites
confused62181 Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 Disregard my message it seems as though I did not read everything that is going on. If you have any questions though I am a psychology major and I can most likely help you out. I have a friends who is going through a similar situation. His soon to be ex-wife is playing hard ball. So don't hesitate to ask. Link to post Share on other sites
confused62181 Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 If he does that than considering 3 kids she can divorce him on abandonment and he will have to pay everything no matter what she did. It depends on the state though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted July 27, 2008 Author Share Posted July 27, 2008 I started a new thread, but no cooments, so I decided to post the same in my original thread... ------- Some of you remember my long story. I was away intentionally from LS, but decided to post an update. We have our offer to settle, I am waiting for the other lawyer to send the separation agreement and STBXW will pay for the divorce . All is backwards. She wanted to get married at the time, not so much me, I wanted to keep the marriage, but she wants out, she does not want to be divorced, but she will do the application, so I do not file for a divorce based on adultery, because it is damaging to her and the kids. I have been living in France for nearly 2 months doing work and traveling in my free time. She asked me several times if I would invite her to France. She is with the kids with her parents now, and likely stay there for a long time. I just suck it up and move on, as simple as that. And I do feel bad about so many things, but just keep going. I talk to the kids on the phone 2-3 times a week, I avoid talking to her. One time she asked me if I had a company, I said this was too personal. Practically NC. Reconciliation was on my radar for 7-8 months, it is out of question now. She is selling the house and I don't want to have anything to do with it, just getting a bit unfair amount of money, but I am buying my piece of mind. When I go back to Canada, I am renting a one-bedroom apartment, and I will have the absolute minimum I need in it. The lawyers sucked a lot of money, and I will be lucky if I am -10K at the end. I think I have done all I could do, and trying to count my blessings rather than agonizing on what if. Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 RB- good to see that you are getting on with your life. I was wondering did your ex ever apologize for the affair or at least give you some form of closure? Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted July 27, 2008 Author Share Posted July 27, 2008 RB- good to see that you are getting on with your life. I was wondering did your ex ever apologize for the affair or at least give you some form of closure? Yes, she did say "sorry" for several things, including that she hurt me so much, but it does not matter anymore to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted July 27, 2008 Author Share Posted July 27, 2008 RB- good to see that you are getting on with your life. I was wondering did your ex ever apologize for the affair or at least give you some form of closure? Yes, she did say "sorry" for several things, including that she hurt me so much, but it does not matter anymore to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 Well what about your kids are you gonna fly them out to france for the summer and whatnot. it seems like you dont want them living with you? how old are they? I remember you redblack. I was the one that told you to leave a long time ago. but you need to be close to your kids. dont punish them for her idiocy. And if you start dating and having sex with a new female it is none of her damn business!!!! She forfeited the right to be apart of your life when she divorced you, u know. As long as they not around the kids that's all that matters. Link to post Share on other sites
Missy27 Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 Well what about your kids are you gonna fly them out to france for the summer and whatnot. it seems like you dont want them living with you? how old are they? I remember you redblack. I was the one that told you to leave a long time ago. but you need to be close to your kids. dont punish them for her idiocy. And if you start dating and having sex with a new female it is none of her damn business!!!! She forfeited the right to be apart of your life when she divorced you, u know. As long as they not around the kids that's all that matters. For once I actually agree with him How are you going to be able to cater for your children in a 1 bedroomed apartment RB? ~ You seem to have a plan laid out, which does not include much contact with your kids. Remember that your children have been ripped apart by this aswell. How do you think they feel not being able to see their daddy everyday ~ it's not something that kids deal with particularly effectively RB ~ I can understand you not wanting to have anything to do with your Ex, but people can be completely incompatible as husband/wife but brilliant parents. You need to sort out an effective co-parenting plan with your ex, which helps the children to maintain SOME kind of stability in their lives. At the end of the day, none of this is their fault RB . Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted July 28, 2008 Author Share Posted July 28, 2008 Well what about your kids are you gonna fly them out to france for the summer and whatnot. it seems like you dont want them living with you? how old are they? We have a visiting schedule in place. I will see them four times a year. I want to see them everyday, but there is also a financial reality, and I am not sure my ex can handle them alone very well, hoping parents will help, and I have no chances for custody as the lawyer advises. The bottom line is *there is no* money for a legal fight. I remember you redblack. I was the one that told you to leave a long time ago. but you need to be close to your kids. dont punish them for her idiocy. She wants to be away. I have borrowed quite a bit of money on credit cards for the legal stuff. There is no place to borrow from anymore, and my line of credit is completely exhausted. And if you start dating and having sex with a new female it is none of her damn business!!!! She forfeited the right to be apart of your life when she divorced you, u know. As long as they not around the kids that's all that matters. We are not divorced yet officially. Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted July 28, 2008 Author Share Posted July 28, 2008 For once I actually agree with him How are you going to be able to cater for your children in a 1 bedroomed apartment RB? ~ You seem to have a plan laid out, which does not include much contact with your kids. Well, it is a question of what I can afford. Remember that your children have been ripped apart by this aswell. How do you think they feel not being able to see their daddy everyday ~ it's not something that kids deal with particularly effectively RB ~ I can understand you not wanting to have anything to do with your Ex, but people can be completely incompatible as husband/wife but brilliant parents. You need to sort out an effective co-parenting plan with your ex, which helps the children to maintain SOME kind of stability in their lives. At the end of the day, none of this is their fault RB .I understand, and I feel very bad about the whole situation. I feel very bad when my daughter tells me on the phone "you are coming tomorrow", or "you are comming for dinner." She does not understand yet what is going on. Link to post Share on other sites
SingleDad Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 Haven't read most of the long thread... buy OOOuch - 4x per year seeing your kids ???? Sounds like they are young - too young to not see their father... I could not imagine... I fought hard to have my 2.5yo daughter 3 overnights per week. Why are you in France - can you change jobs to be within parenting distance from your kids ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted July 28, 2008 Author Share Posted July 28, 2008 Haven't read most of the long thread... buy OOOuch - 4x per year seeing your kids ???? Sounds like they are young - too young to not see their father... Very young. I could not imagine... I fought hard to have my 2.5yo daughter 3 overnights per week. Why are you in France - can you change jobs to be within parenting distance from your kids ? I am here on work for 2 months, and I am back in less than a month. My ex has decided that it is better for the kids to grow up with her extended family, rather than with a father, which is about 2,000 miles from where I work. It is much more complicated than just changing jobs. Link to post Share on other sites
SingleDad Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 RB - you need to fight that... You have as much right to be with your kids as she does.... You need to fight for your custody rights now... You cannot easily come back years from now to get more time with your kids... You will regret years from now that you did not fight harder to have your kids with you.... They need their father. If you cannot live within parenting distance, then you should get the kids for the summer, plus 4 separate weeks each year and have the ability to visit with them on weekends, say once a month - plus alternate holidays. Link to post Share on other sites
SingleDad Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 Even if you can't afford it now to travel to see your kids - what If you can in a couple of years and you can, but unfortunately you gave up that right to see your kids because you couldnt' afford to today. Even make it clear in the parenting plan that you have the right to X amount of time even if you can't afford to travel currently. This document applies till the kids are age 21 in many states... any modification would take a court appointment and modification by a judge. Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted July 28, 2008 Author Share Posted July 28, 2008 RB - you need to fight that... You have as much right to be with your kids as she does.... You need to fight for your custody rights now... Simply, there is no money for lawyers. You cannot easily come back years from now to get more time with your kids... You will regret years from now that you did not fight harder to have your kids with you.... They need their father. If you cannot live within parenting distance, then you should get the kids for the summer, plus 4 separate weeks each year and have the ability to visit with them on weekends, say once a month - plus alternate holidays. Summers, Christmas, Spring, Easter breaks are arranged. Travel is about 4 hour flight + 4 hour drive. The closest job I could possibly get is a 4 hour drive from where they are. Link to post Share on other sites
SingleDad Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 Then use a mediator to negotiate the terms. - much less costly than two lawyers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted July 28, 2008 Author Share Posted July 28, 2008 Then use a mediator to negotiate the terms. - much less costly than two lawyers. We have done it all and have signed the settlement where the parenting rules/access are very clear. We just need to sign the separation agreement, which must contain the whole scheduling, which is a few pages of details. Link to post Share on other sites
Reviewer Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 We have done it all and have signed the settlement where the parenting rules/access are very clear. We just need to sign the separation agreement, which must contain the whole scheduling, which is a few pages of details. Do you know if the OM is still in the picture and possibly later in your children's lives? Link to post Share on other sites
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