separated in the same house; would wife come around

[redblack66]

I am quite sure (have a proof, better not discuss it) that my wife is very deeply emotionally involved with her OM and her parents and siblings do not like him and do not approve her relation. She seems to be living in some romantic movie script. Feel really sad that she does not realize at all how all this affects and will affect our children, both short and long term.

 

I am really going "grey", and my interactions with her are at the bare minimum, mostly "yes" or "no" answers, and no questions.

Last night I went out, she asked who I was going with, I said my f--- buddy, and I said I was joking. She said I was not joking. I do not know how this came into my mouth.

[StillSame]

I am quite sure (have a proof, better not discuss it) that my wife is very deeply emotionally involved with her OM

 

Isn't it obvious? Do you really need any proof for that?

 

 

Last night I went out, she asked who I was going with, I said my f--- buddy, and I said I was joking. She said I was not joking. I do not know how this came into my mouth.

 

Are you just a funny guy or a non-funny guy trying to be funny. If it's the latter, don't do that again.

 

 

The question is, when will this be finalized. Meaning, when will property be divided, seperation agreements be signed, and her moving out of the house?

[redblack66]

Isn't it obvious? Do you really need any proof for that?

You are right.

 

 

Are you just a funny guy or a non-funny guy trying to be funny. If it's the latter, don't do that again.

Curious, why not to do it again? I have sometimes unusual sense of humor. We are legally separated, and we are in a no-fault jurisdiction, so it does not make any difference legally what I do.

 

The question is, when will this be finalized. Meaning, when will property be divided, seperation agreements be signed, and her moving out of the house?

At the end of this month. I hope the OM does not dump her before that so she does not try to come back. I really don't want her the way she is, and the hurt has been incredible.

[StillSame]

Curious, why not to do it again?

 

One simple answer, you will never be completely "divorced" from each other because of the children; she will always be the mother of your kids.

 

At the end of this month. I hope the OM does not dump her before that so she does not try to come back. I really don't want her the way she is, and the hurt has been incredible.

 

Let's forget about any of their future plans, what immediate upcoming plans do they have other than phone calls and emails?

Edited January 12, 2008 by StillSame

[redblack66]

Let's forget about any of their future plans, what immediate upcoming plans do they have other than phone calls and emails?

 

I think she wants to get to know each other better. He is thinking of coming again to the farm in the summer, but I don't think the parents are excited about it. Apparently, he drinks way too much for their taste.

 

BTW, wife just told me that I am doing everything what I was doing when we met. She even asked me about my artistic abilities. I used to paint and did quite well, but abandoned it. I am thinking of doing some sculpting. Anyhow, I am on the right track.

[StillSame]

I think she wants to get to know each other better. He is thinking of coming again to the farm in the summer, but I don't think the parents are excited about it. Apparently, he drinks way too much for their taste.

 

Her whole being celibate thing is a lie then if they are having a plan for him to come to see her again?

 

Wha do you mean the parents are not excited about it? Don't they have total say on whom they want to hire? If they say we don't want to hire him for the summer, what can your W do about it?

[Melovator]

Apparently, he drinks way too much for their taste.

 

:lmao::lmao: This is NOT surprising! Drinking is probably the largest participated in amateur sport down here!

 

She's totally living in a fantasy land- she think this guy has the heart of Banjo Paterson (see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Banjo_Paterson for further info if you're even vaguely interested) beating in him or something?

 

Creative stuff is really good for sorting brain space out I find- Sculpting sounds cool!

[redblack66]

Her whole being celibate thing is a lie then if they are having a plan for him to come to see her again?

Oh, yes. I told her this is BS. I learned that her plan is to get to know each other much better before they commit further to each other. The whole thing bothers me, but not that much.

 

Wha do you mean the parents are not excited about it? Don't they have total say on whom they want to hire? If they say we don't want to hire him for the summer, what can your W do about it?

I heard that the mother did not want him to be hired even before I discovered the whole mess.

It is entirely up to the parents if he comes again. I have no control over it. If he does not come, then either he comes and stays in a hotel, but this is not that convenient, or she goes there, but I am not letting the kids going from Canada to Australia. Simple.

Edited January 13, 2008 by redblack66

[StillSame]

So, they do have a plan to continue the affair and maybe even taken it to the next level by making it a long term relationship.

 

You need to let her parents know (without informing her) that if she has plans to bring the kids to Australia, that hey inform you immediately without warning her. On your seperation agreement, make sure you include a clause that states taken the kids out of the country without your consent equals to kidnapping.

[redblack66]

:lmao::lmao: This is NOT surprising! Drinking is probably the largest participated in amateur sport down here!

 

He is a farmer in South Australia. I don't know what this means as a life style.

 

She's totally living in a fantasy land- she think this guy has the heart of Banjo Paterson (see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Banjo_Paterson for further info if you're even vaguely interested) beating in him or something?

She is totally into a fantasy land, and I do not see her at all coming to reality.

I read it quickly. No, I am not going to waste time.

 

Creative stuff is really good for sorting brain space out I find- Sculpting sounds cool!

As I sort out my stuff, I will do that. Long ago, I did ballroom dancing for a few years, after a few years of wrestling (Greco-Roman style), which are two incompatible things. Now I am into boxing and weight lifting, and sculpting may be a good contrast.

[redblack66]

So, they do have a plan to continue the affair and maybe even taken it to the next level by making it a long term relationship.

 

You need to let her parents know (without informing her) that if she has plans to bring the kids to Australia, that hey inform you immediately without warning her. On your seperation agreement, make sure you include a clause that states taken the kids out of the country without your consent equals to kidnapping.

 

Absolutely. She cannot travel if I do not sign a statutory declaration giving my permission even inside the country, let alone abroad.

[StillSame]

I am starting to think that the whole thing by her is very calculating. She is unwilling to divorce you because she is uncertain how things will work out between them and that's why she wants to keep you as a back up plan and not complete end the marriage. She wants to have her fun, try out the new guy and if it doesn't work out have you as a safety net.

 

Remember that she "apologize" for hurting you and that she was "sorry." It's all lies. While telling you lies, she continue her plan with the affair and even plan on taking it to the next level of a relationship.

 

The good news is that almost all affairs ends within 2 years after discovery day and exposure to family members. But the question is, will you be willing to take her back then?

[redblack66]

I am starting to think that the whole thing by her is very calculating. She is unwilling to divorce you because she is uncertain how things will work out between them and that's why she wants to keep you as a back up plan and not complete end the marriage. She wants to have her fun, try out the new guy and if it doesn't work out have you as a safety net.

Yes, she is calculating, but I am no dummy, and I am several moves ahead. An application for divorce will go after we complete financial statements by a deadline of January 23th. I don't think she believes I will do that, but I will not say anything, just do it. (Apparently here an application for divorce cannot happen without financial statements.)

I am a pretty good catch, so she knows that she should not lose me so easily.

 

Remember that she "apologize" for hurting you and that she was "sorry." It's all lies. While telling you lies, she continue her plan with the affair and even plan on taking it to the next level of a relationship.

In her mind this is not an affair, as we are legally separated. I told her before that we are still married. I told her that kids may be sensitive if there is another person in her life, but she does not get it.

She has been walking like a zombie in the last few days, so it makes me wonder if things are not that smooth with the OM.

The good news is that almost all affairs ends within 2 years after discovery day and exposure to family members. But the question is, will you be willing to take her back then?

I cannot predict the future, but at this state of my mind: no way I am taking her back and I would not be surprised if I end up happy with somebody else within a year or two.

[whichwayisup]

Last night I went out, she asked who I was going with, I said my f--- buddy, and I said I was joking. She said I was not joking. I do not know how this came into my mouth.

 

This made LOL for real. Sorry, but that's funny. She thought you weren't joking because she is untrustworthy and now you've got her thinking.......Well..Good! Maybe she'll wake the F up and realize what she is about to lose if she doesn't get out of fantasyland. But, it seems she isn't waking up.

 

I wouldn't be surprised either, and when the next one comes along into your life when the time is right, the ex will be regretting her choices, big time.

[redblack66]

This made LOL for real. Sorry, but that's funny. She thought you weren't joking because she is untrustworthy and now you've got her thinking.......Well..Good! Maybe she'll wake the F up and realize what she is about to lose if she doesn't get out of fantasyland. But, it seems she isn't waking up.

 

No, she is not waking up. I am not a medical doctor, but I tend to believe that her situation has to do with messed up chemicals in her brain.

 

I wouldn't be surprised either, and when the next one comes along into your life when the time is right, the ex will be regretting her choices, big time.

Oh, yes I am sure. I just remembered when my first wife and I were discussing a possible split up she said: "Am I crazy to lose you, everybody will laugh at me". Seriosly, her words.

[StillSame]

In her mind this is not an affair, as we are legally separated.

 

Were you legally seperated when she first started the affair or was that just an oral agreement of seperation between you and her?

 

She has been walking like a zombie in the last few days, so it makes me wonder if things are not that smooth with the OM.

 

Does she still use your home phone to continue the affair?

[whichwayisup]

How do the kids react to what's going on? How old are they and do they kind of know mommy and daddy aren't 'together' as a couple?

[StillSame]

I just remembered when my first wife and I were discussing a possible split up she said: "Am I crazy to lose you, everybody will laugh at me". Seriosly, her words.

 

Why did things not work out between you and your first wife? Did she actually regret the divorce or did she try to get you back after the divorce?

[redblack66]

Were you legally seperated when she first started the affair or was that just an oral agreement of seperation between you and her?

We weren't separated when she had EA. We were not separated when she had PA. Now she says we were separated, but when she left, I was left to believe that she just needed her space.

 

 

Does she still use your home phone to continue the affair?

She does not call from our phone. He may be calling when I am at work.

[redblack66]

Why did things not work out between you and your first wife? Did she actually regret the divorce or did she try to get you back after the divorce?

 

She tried coming back. I moved on...

[redblack66]

How do the kids react to what's going on? How old are they and do they kind of know mommy and daddy aren't 'together' as a couple?

 

Our 6 year old is very difficult. He swears, screams, talks back. He would say to me 'Shut up a**hole'. Unbelievable. She does not say anything. I cannot discipline him, as I was accused in front of the judge of hitting him in the head; have not done it.

He is very nervous and easily frustrated. He is very good when I am alone with the kids. He is terrible when both of us are in the house. He is quiet in school.

 

Our daugther is 2 and a half. She is very sweet, but does not understand, as far as I can see.

[StillSame]

She tried coming back. I moved on...

 

I am very curious though. Why did it not work out that lead to divorce? Be honest, now. This is relevant to this thread.

Edited January 13, 2008 by StillSame

[Melovator]

He is a farmer in South Australia. I don't know what this means as a life style.

 

She is totally into a fantasy land, and I do not see her at all coming to reality.

I read it quickly. No, I am not going to waste time.

 

As I sort out my stuff, I will do that. Long ago, I did ballroom dancing for a few years, after a few years of wrestling (Greco-Roman style), which are two incompatible things. Now I am into boxing and weight lifting, and sculpting may be a good contrast.

 

He's in my neck of the woods! Let me tell you about bushies- drink, drink, drink!!! Wait for rain! Drink! Pray for Rain! Drink! Get rain! Drink! Either way their whole existence revolves around liquid! Aughh bet he drinks West End- She's a bloody fool.

 

I don't see how ballroom dancing and greco-roman wrestling are incompatible at all- both require co-ordination, timing and skill, just one requires a bit more 'oomph'!

[redblack66]

He's in my neck of the woods! Let me tell you about bushies- drink, drink, drink!!! Wait for rain! Drink! Pray for Rain! Drink! Get rain! Drink! Either way their whole existence revolves around liquid! Aughh bet he drinks West End- She's a bloody fool.

Thank you so much for enlightening me. I feel better after going into a bad mood in the afternoon. What do you mean by "He's in my neck of the woods!"

 

I don't see how ballroom dancing and greco-roman wrestling are incompatible at all- both require co-ordination, timing and skill, just one requires a bit more 'oomph'!

To be a good ballroom dancer, typically one has to be skinny, preferably with long, not bulky legs, and have gracious movements. You do not see dancers with thick necks and "square" bodies (Well, over the years my neck is not as thick and my muscles are not as big now.)

[Melovator]

I'm a crow eater (term for a South Australian) too- though I live in the city where 80% of SA's population is. We are the state every other state makes fun of as being backwards ass! Though the resources (mining) boom is doing our economy some good- the drought is really making it hard for those in the bush to survive- farmers are just walking away from the land because its all too hard to keep going. SA is the driest state on the driest continent on earth, so being in the middle of great big freaking drought is not good.

 

Who cares what your neck's like- just Dance!