out of the blue, ex wants to meet up...

[heartoutside]

Well I woke up this morning and checked my email, in both my business email and my personal email my ex had sent me an ecard wishing me a happy halloween. I"m guessing she just sent it to everyone which is why I got one in my business email.

 

I still don't think she'll contact me via text or calling. She made a fool of herself last week by calling, text and emailing every day! Why would she do it again!?

[heartoutside]

I'm starting to get a little worried about myself. I"m starting to think I"m slide'n into a depression, or a at least a seasonal depression. Today is super overcast and just blah, and I'm so f'n tired. I went to sleep early last night and got a full 8 hours sleep and still I couldn't bring myself to get up with the alarm this morning. It was just too dark outside.....and I'm still tired!?

 

I did go to the gym and run 2 miles and did some weights this morning but still, I'm usualy not feeling this tired after a simple workout.

 

I'm hoping I'll get out of it, this slump because I know people can see it on my face and in my mood.....man, it all has to do with this weekend. I should have never gone to that party.....

[storm]

Sounds like me for the past 2 months of zero contact. I'm not saying it is easy but I can tell you that it does slowly get better. I'm not going to lie to you. I get better as each week goes by, not days.

 

You have to face this loneliness sometime. Having contact with her will just delay this process. Remember, it is the drug fix you are cutting yourself off of. Stay strong my friend. I'm dealing with the same pain.

 

And don't forget to keep asking yourself. Why would you want to talk with someone that is so selfish and doesn't care about what you are doing? And doesn't care to be with you. Look at how she immediately started dating someone else. Anyone that immediately runs to someone else has some deep rooted problems. This girl has no class and has no clue what love is.

[jmargel]

Can you tell me why you two broke up anyways? Was it neglect on either end? How did she treat you when she was with you?

 

Look up the 5 stages of grief, it's something you are going through. At some point you have to decide on what you want for yourself. If you were to get back with your ex, would she be able to give you everything that you need? What is she like maturity wise?

 

Right now she is in limbo on which way to go. That is immaturity right there. Yes, we know it sucks to be in this position and in all reality it is probably thee worst feeling to go through. I've been there myself when my ex-fiancee left me for my best-friend at the time.

 

You think you know a person but then they do something weird like this. You hope that it's a temporary lapse of sanity but as the time goes on and you actually see things now as an outsider you notice that the type of person they are now is the type of person they always were. It just wasn't as apparent as it is now.

 

Your signs do point to depression, I would highly suggest a counselor. Your signs was what I was going though, my problem though is I let it go on for a few months and unfortunetly I was suicidal by the end. You will eventually heal from this, even if it's something you can't believe in right now.

[heartoutside]

Well I think I just needed a nap...Took a long one and I'm feeling better. I"ve had depression before, almost dropped out of school about 7 yeras ago because of it.....i've never been suicidal, I just glum (if that makes any sense), I think I was just glum today and needed a nap. I one of those people that hates not doing anything, i feel guilty if I take a nap or if I'm not being productive, thus the reason I don't take naps....I guess that should change.

 

As for our break up...out of the blue, i went away for business for a 5 days and came back to another person, I even called her out on it, but she just said she was tired. She was picking out rings 2 weeks prior, and I was going to ask her to marry me the following week. So a real ball breaker!

 

Oh and while I was taking a nap....she sent me a text, "So are you still ignoring me?"

Don't reply right? She doesn't seem to understand what is going on does she? It's amazing.....I tell her one week I still love her and nothing has changed and she tells me why couldn't I have said all those things months ago, a week later she tells me she wants to sleep next to me and then Whop, into a relationship.

 

Oh and by the way, I realized who this new guy is. Last spring my ex took a intro lit class and I remember her telling me one day that this shy kid who sat next to her asked her out or liked her. I now realize it was this kid. Both of their last names end in H, so that's why they were sitting next to each other.

[storm]

Come on heart. You told us that she wasn't going to be contacting you again. You aren't trusting us. Look, she contacted you.

 

Would you contact someone that is in a relationship with someone else?? She knows the magic words you want to hear. And so far she isn't even close to the magic word.

 

If you reply she will disappear for a while(week or two) and this process will repeat again. As always, guaranteed.

[heartoutside]

OK, so I should have trusted you guys....I was just thinking if I were in her shoes, not that I ever would be, that I don't think I could contact my ex like she's contacting me. Infact, way back when I went on a few dates with a girl about 6 years ago. I wasn't over my last ex, so I didn't think it was fair to her to keep dating. SO I ended it and walked away. I never once thought to call her.

 

I guess I figured she wouldn't call me or text me because it makes sense. But then again, none of this makes sense.

 

Any suggestions as to what I should do if she does call?

[storm]

You see, me and you are a certain type of person. Your ex is another type. Call her type 2 if you want. We are type 1. For some reason, type 2 people, guys and girls, don't respect someones feelings. They tend to be very selfish and stay in contact with someone they dumped. It doesn't make sense to me either but they just do it if you allow them to. It is more like they don't want you to move on.

 

Well if it is bugging you enough and you want to answer her next text or call to see, go ahead. But I already know what will happen. I just have to skip back and read all the pages.

[heartoutside]

so if she calls I shouldn't answer? Maybe call her back at another time?

 

I'm not saying this will happen, but if she wants to get back together how am I going to know if I don't talk to her? I suppose she could send me an email or something and say what I need to hear.....

 

AS of right now I see 1 of 2 things happening.

 

1: She sees that she made a big mistake and agrees to talk to someone and get help and we try things again slowly and on my terms.

 

2: I find someone else and totally forget about her.

 

I see 2 being the most likely situation. The chances of the 1st situation actually happen are slim to none. I would give it a 2% chance.

 

She won't call anyway, I doubt she'll text again for a while as well. I know I said she wouldn't do it at all this past time, but damn she's got to figure something out and have some self respect!

 

As for the type 2 person, the odd thing is she's never done this with any of her ex's. She's just walked away. The guy before me, she would maybe contact every once in a blue moon (for selfish reasons or to wish him a happy holiday sometimes) but they both wanted out of the relationship, wasn't anything like our situation.

[heartoutside]

I"m getting good at being wrong.......

 

I was just writing in another thread, when I got another text. Again I thought it was friend because she and I are going out, dressed up and ready to go. She's my new wing man!

 

Anyway, HERE's the TEXT

 

"Well I guess I will talk to your phone. I wanted to say I loved your costume. I was really proud of it!"

 

WHAT THE HELL!?!?

 

She is really starting to act like I broke up with her.....seriously....I'm actually starting to wonder what will happen if I boot her off my friend list on myspace and facebook? she'll probably flip out for real!! What is wrong with her......seriously.

 

And how dare she put LOVE in an f'n text! When I opened it, I saw that word and I didn't read the damn text....and my heart jumped...then I read it, oh well.....

 

The sad thing (or maybe a good thing), this is kind of an ego boost for me. I mean she must really be hung up on me to be acting like this and I really have the upper hand, or at least more so then I did before. If she wanted to just be friends I don't think she would acting like this, but then again we all know that I'm usually wrong.

 

The funny thing is I don't feel the need to reply at all......Well kind of, but the only thing I want to say is, "what is there for you to be proud of? You didn't make it, you had nothing to do with it"

[hopeforlove243]

I can't understand her either, but I know that you need to ignore her. And when I read your post, I wonder how do you know that she just walked away from her ex-bf before you? Cause I am thinking that her current bf probably doesn't know she is doing these things to you.

NC is the best way to go for you, I know it is easy to say than do, cause even now I am struggling with it myself, but we have to do it. I am seeing counselor tomorrow, first time in my life that I go see counselor, very sad for me when I think about it, this is not the first broke up I had, but it surely is very hard on me.

[monkey00]

I don't understand how a simple post of NC turned into 10 pages. Everyone do this guy a favor and do yourself a favor of stop posting on this thread. If you're going to do NC, just do it. It's hard yea trust me i know...but you've gotta stop coming back here and posting every little detail about her actions or your life. Just go about your daily life and do your best to put this behind you.

[heartoutside]

what do you think I"ve been doing...I post on here to vent....you don't have to reply...I never asked you to reply.....I haven't contacted her in 3 weeks. I don't see anyone else on her saying that they wouldn't jump on the chance to reply to their ex contact them. I know I need to get on with my life, thus the reason I haven't replied to her. But it's still hard....thanks for the support...this coming from the same monkey who needs advice on asking a co-worker out...

 

As for her walking away from her ex, the guy before me...I just know. I won't go into detail about that one, but I know for sure that they both walked away from the situation for good and he and her actually didn't talk until 2 years later.

[storm]

Monkey. This thread isn't about no contact. It is about driving his ex insane. I happen to enjoy checking in on this soap opera(no offense heart) on a daily basis.

 

You see what ignoring her has done?? She is caving in. I'm sure she is wondering why the heck she is with some guy that put on a football jersey for halloween. What girl wants a guy with no creativity. You are on her mind much much more. But if you reply right now then she will feel comfortable again and relax with AE boy. Don't give her that peace of mind right now.

 

Time to delete her from your friends list, i'm dead serious. You can add her back some other day. This will really get under her skin and burn. She brought some guy to this party knowing you will be there. To flaunt him right in front of your eyes with no respect for your feelings. DO NOT REPLY RIGHT NOW. DELETE HER FROM YOUR FRIENDS LIST.

[heartoutside]

15 mins after costume text....

 

 

"I really miss communicating with you and I"m that girl who keeps bothering you but we never finished our conversation."

 

What conversation?! WE finished it at our lunch. That's why I got up and paid the bill and didn't say a word on the ride home. I told you to call me if you wanted to talk about us, not if you wanted to start dating someone else!

 

"Why do you hate me?"

 

 

I don't hate her, have never said I hate her.....

 

As for deleting her on from my friends list....I'll sleep on it. I"m in not shape right now to make that choice....Another fun night in my halloween costume!

[storm]

I hate her. And I don't even know her.

[wowIlose]

man.. i feel for ya.. she seems so manipulative, sounds like she really wants you around to stroke her ego and be there for her while she sleeps with other guys.

 

F[_]ck that! NC all the way.. till you get over her or she knocks on your door crying begging for you to take her back.

 

Thats it man. Don't give in.

[vivrantflo]

I second wowIlose.. keep the NC going.. lol Dude, I'd actually love to be in your shoes right now.. she should be stroking YOUR ego with these childish attempts to contact you.

 

You want her to really think about what she's doing? Delete her from Facebook and Myspace.. you haven't talked to her in three weeks, so deleting her won't appear to look like a reaction to her being in a relationship, it will look like you're TOTALLY moving on. You know she checks that sorta thing, so she'll notice..You keep this NC up, I guarantee she'll be at your door in 1 months time.. she's really pining after you..

 

lol her man would flip if he knew how much this girl was trying to get in touch with you. You really did handle that party well.. I was pleased to read that. Keep it up bro.

[heartoutside]

Thanks guys, this is why I post on these boards. It's not easy, but it helps to have support.

[jmargel]

How would she treat you before all this happened? Could it be she just freaked out on the marriage thing? Just about everyone goes through that, but finding someone else as a rebound is not the norm. Or do you think those two were seeing each other behind your back before she broke it off?

 

Another question is, how did YOU treat her? She mentioned about you not telling her you love her, etc.? I can't believe this is totally her fault. Granted what she has done is wrong and no excuse, but you really need to do some soul-searching yourself. When my ex cheated and left me I spent about 3 months cursing her but found that wasn't going to do me any good in the long run. I had to do some soul-searching myself and it hit me pretty hard when I went 'back in time' and really thought about the times I neglected her. You don't realize the huge impact it has on someone else until times like this come.

 

There is no crime in letting her talk to you, next time she texts, just text back 'if you want to talk, call me'. Even if she calls, that doesn't mean you have to be nasty to her. Even if it's closure, let it happen. A phone call is not going to force you into going back with her. This is not about a power-struggle. Good chance you need to talk to her so you can get what is on your mind, out and allow yourself to move on as well.

[heartoutside]

I've already had 3 or 4 serious talks with her. 2 were in the week following the break up, and last being about a month ago where I told her that I still felt the same, and basically all i got was more confusing answers from her and that she used to see a house, a white fence and kids with me, but lately she didn't see herself walking down the aisle with "me or anyone." She told me that she started seeing other guys as cute (which I really don't get, I always looked at other women and thought they were cute, but I always thought my ex was cuter!).

 

There is really nothing else to talk about with her, she knows how I feel, and I'm not going to get any straight answers from her. It's been 4 months of her having total control over me and my actions. She even had control of me when I went to south america! It's got to stop and I've got to think about myself and my feelings and my life for once. She knows how I feel, and she knows where I stand, if she can't see that, I don't know any other way of showing her! Basically, every time I talk to her, I get stuck in a loop of just repeating everything all over again. I feel like crap, she feels like she can still come back to me when ever she feels like it. Get's ME no where....

 

As far as how I treated her, I treated her like she was god greatest gift. I would do everything for her. The issue that I was at fault for was not talking to her about things, letting things just slide and I would bottle them up fearing that if I confronted her with the issue she would get mad and leave.

 

I may have taken our relationship for granted at times and I totally see that now. We got stuck in that domestic bliss stage. Where we were just happy being together and with each other. But at the same time there were things that she did that weren't right. Basically the biggest problem was not talking about our issues...

 

As far as her seeing this kid before she broke it off, I don't think so. But I do think he got her wondering (he's the other guy she thought was cute). I mean 2 weeks before we broke up she was talking about what ring she wanted and how she wanted to have the wedding at my grandfathers house.

 

I personally think her leaving is a combination of things, immaturity, being in college, freak'n out about marriage, and not having a mother to talk to.

[wowIlose]

I know its been said but I'll say it again. This girl doesn't deserve you for what shes been putting you through lately.

 

Just stop any contact or who knows how long you'll be stuck in this insane loop. She needs a wake up call.. she needs to know she lost you (in every form) because of her actions. Also if your still giving her rides you need to stop. Who gives a flying poop if she has to walk, let her figure it out with AE boy, don't be there for her anymore.

[heartoutside]

No no no....I haven't seen her since the party this past weekend, and she and I don't hang out. The last time I gave her a ride was after our talk a month or so ago. I haven't done anything for her since. And I agree, I don't deserve an ounce of what she's put me through, and I know that as do a lot of mutual friends, thus the reason they are hanging out with me now and seem to value my friendship even more now.

[storm]

Well heart I've been telling you all this for some time now.

 

If there is a certain type of girl that will show up at your door. She is 100% that type of girl. You must not let her know how you feel. But you know that already. Keep up with the no contact. Remain distant and mysterious like you have been. You can see it is working and creeping under her skin.

 

Part of this no contact is for you to clear your head. And the other part is to let her feel the void in her life. A void that most likely AE boy won't fill. Think about it and don't worry, she has 4 years of memories with you versus his few months. Who do you think she is thinking of? She needs this time to miss you and compare you to this turd or whatever turd may come along. This is when the things you did during the relationship does or does not pay dividends. If you are still talking to her then she will never have time to miss you. You must also take this time to ask yourself, is this girl stable enough to marry someday?

 

You must do this asap. Remove her from myspace and facebook. Time to get your power back.

[jmargel]

I've already had 3 or 4 serious talks with her. 2 were in the week following the break up, and last being about a month ago where I told her that I still felt the same, and basically all i got was more confusing answers from her and that she used to see a house, a white fence and kids with me, but lately she didn't see herself walking down the aisle with "me or anyone." She told me that she started seeing other guys as cute (which I really don't get, I always looked at other women and thought they were cute, but I always thought my ex was cuter!).

 

There is really nothing else to talk about with her, she knows how I feel, and I'm not going to get any straight answers from her. It's been 4 months of her having total control over me and my actions. She even had control of me when I went to south america! It's got to stop and I've got to think about myself and my feelings and my life for once. She knows how I feel, and she knows where I stand, if she can't see that, I don't know any other way of showing her! Basically, every time I talk to her, I get stuck in a loop of just repeating everything all over again. I feel like crap, she feels like she can still come back to me when ever she feels like it. Get's ME no where....

 

As far as how I treated her, I treated her like she was god greatest gift. I would do everything for her. The issue that I was at fault for was not talking to her about things, letting things just slide and I would bottle them up fearing that if I confronted her with the issue she would get mad and leave.

 

I may have taken our relationship for granted at times and I totally see that now. We got stuck in that domestic bliss stage. Where we were just happy being together and with each other. But at the same time there were things that she did that weren't right. Basically the biggest problem was not talking about our issues...

 

As far as her seeing this kid before she broke it off, I don't think so. But I do think he got her wondering (he's the other guy she thought was cute). I mean 2 weeks before we broke up she was talking about what ring she wanted and how she wanted to have the wedding at my grandfathers house.

 

I personally think her leaving is a combination of things, immaturity, being in college, freak'n out about marriage, and not having a mother to talk to.

 

Then print this out and when you have your weak moments, read it a couple of times over. Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and just experiencing what others feel when a relationship is over. Her immaturity you can't fix, only she can fix that and the only way she will do this is with time and counseling. Her not having a mom is a huge part in this, my ex-fiancee's mom abused her and I can't count the amount of nights that she would cry over this. It then turned into anger, where I was her emotional punching bag. She needs to clear her head, don't let her confusion take you down with her.

 

All I am saying is there is no need to be mean to her, she is not the plague. She's still a person, and though she continues to make bad mistakes that is something she needs to do on her own. Like you mentioned continue to start working on yourself, set short-term goals for yourself. Give yourself something to work towards.