out of the blue, ex wants to meet up...

[heartoutside]

I think she wants to know for sure if I've just given up and moved on. I don't think she'll push it any further. Seriously, shes extremely stubborn and kind of enjoys her own self destruction. Meaning that when she does something wrong or makes a mistake she kind of takes the attitude of "well I'm just a bad person" or "i deserve it." Like when we were dating and we would get in a little fight or something she would always say, "well I guess i'm just a bad gf!" She even used that card like 100 times when we were breaking up!

 

So I can see her taking my not responding as I've moved on and she will react in a totally opposite and negative direction, unfortunately with this new guy.

 

So i don't see her sending me anymore texts, or calling or even doing the myspace or facebook thing.

 

But that's just my opinion.

[storm]

Well you need to ask yourself the question I always ask myself. Is there any other option? Or do you have any other choice? Instead of no contact. Or do you like torturing yourself with all the waiting and wondering? Both roads suck but at least the no contact road allows you to walk away with some pride.

 

Your ex acts like mine does in many ways. Stubborness and living a lifestyle they can't afford etc.

 

The only major difference in your situation and mine is that I came out in the beginning when we broke up and told my ex that I wouldn't allow her to string me along and that I couldn't be her friend.

 

Oh and by the way, she can't force herself to like this AE guy if that is some kind of retaliation for you moving on. And what is wrong with moving on? If you scan through this website and read all the stories. You will notice a pattern where some exes like to reappear when they think an ex they dumped has moved on. Look back on everything you did since the break up as some kind of experiment. What worked and what didn't? I don't know.

 

And what is this "are you mad at me" stuff she keeps pulling? Dig deep into that question and play off of it. Let her think you are mad. I think that really bothers her when someone is mad at her. Maybe some huge insecurity you should take advantage of. But it is all about her, nothing about smashing your heart when she broke up with you. And immediately running to some stupid AE boy. Then announcing relationship status on myspace to rub it in more. How cruel is that??

 

My ex does this kind of crap too. She puts up little vague away messages on AOL instant messenger practically directed towards me. I did nothing at all to hurt me ex. I have no idea why they choose to rub salt into the wounds. But I will tell you, as each day goes by, my pride is growing much stronger than the love I once had.

[heartoutside]

I told her from the start that we could never be friends, but I wanted to work this out. Which is where I was coming from and thought she may have been too. I mean she never stopped contacting me even though i told her that I didn't want a friendship from the beginning. My only reason for contacting her was to save our relationship. Now that I don't see that really happening what reason do I have to contact her, other then to tell her to go to hell!?

 

You are right about her not liking people being mad at her, it gets under skin very easily!

 

So you think I should break "Radio silence" ?

 

I'm not, I feel good about what I'm doing. I seriously need to think about myself for once. I mean 4 months of putting up with her childish crap and still hanging on; I don't need it. She needs help, and until she talks to "someone professional" I don't see myself ever having trust in her again, not even as a friend.

 

Storm, how long have you been in NC with your ex, or do you still talk to her? Does she contact you at all?

[storm]

Well I think it has been about 7 weeks of NC now and yes it is hell. I miss the girl more than anything. Woke up alone again today and it was ugly and raining, yeah it sucked. But I have not broken down and called her.

 

I had my last needy conversation with my ex. She kept texting me with senseless crap weeks before I finally broke down and told her that I wanted to try and work things out. She replied with "I can't get back together with you unless I am 100% certain. I don't want you waiting around though, I don't know how long that will take or if that will ever happen.". It was a sad day that day, we both had tears in our eyes. I told her I give up and i'm done trying. Told her that it sucks i'm losing my best friend. I honestly think she has the -grass is greener syndrome- That is the last time I saw her. My needy conversation was still about 2 months after we broke up and didn't really give me the solid answer I needed. Just a vague "I need to be certain". I'm at the 4 month mark now.

 

Honestly I think my ex justs wants to date others and see if she can find something better. She didn't come out and say it but i'd have to be an idiot to not see through what she said.

 

Bunch of crap if you ask me. At least she has been respectful and isn't messing with me.

 

I have done everything in my power to avoid my ex and make sure I don't run into her. It would be rough on me and I'm sure it would spark some more texts from her. I just don't want her to contact me unless she knows what the hell she wants. The hardest part is convincing yourself that it is all over with no hope of returning to how life used to be.

 

I'm trying to move on but it is rough. But again, I have no choice. I tried all sorts of tactics to win her back. Nothing worked.

[storm]

Actually heart. I wish my ex would text or call. So I could erase the message and ignore it.

 

Don't break the silence.

[heartoutside]

Well I had to work at the retail store again last night, but my ex wasn't there this time. But for some odd reason I couldn't grasp how everything had changed and it set me into a big tumble. I don't really know anyone at the store anymore, I used to be mr. popular and the cool guy. NOW, since I got on with my career and work at this store so little, I really don't know any of the new people, and they've all made their new clicks. I'm still part of the old cool people crowd (The people who still work there and have worked there as long as I have!).

 

Anyway, so it just sent me for a tumble, and had me thinking about my ex for the rest of the night. As much as I want to contact her, or have her contact me, I just don't see it happening. I can see her thinking now that she knows that I'm mad because I didn't reply to her text message so there's no need to contact me.

 

To top it off I logged onto facebook and I thought I had set my settings so I wouldn't be informed of anything she is doing, but she posted some random and pointless pictures of her and her roommates carving a pumpkin with our cat in a few of the shots. Kind of like she's rubbing it in my face. She knows how much I love that cat! And then there was just one shot of her with a drink and a stupid a$$ smile! Like 10 pictures in all.

 

I just don't understand how someone could act the way she is acting, wanting to get married one week and then cold and immature the next!?

 

Today sucks!

[storm]

Yeah. It has been 4 months now since me and my ex broke up. I think about her all damn day long. I'm waiting for the day where I don't think about her. But I do know that i'm not ready to date others yet. Hang in there man. Pictures suck, avoid them.

 

Also, she doesn't know that you are mad.

 

But another thing I keep asking myself. Yes we are finding it hard to move on. And you have brought this up. What will we even think if they did come back and want to work things out? Do we really want to go through all this again? Can we trust them that they won't get these wishy washy feelings again. They act as if they are so happy without us but deep down inside we know they are struggling to a degree. Why would they put themselves through this? Blows my mind.

[storm]

Oh, one more thing heart. Turn all this around. How do you think she would behave if you dumped her???? And how could she make you think twice about such a decision?

 

Give her what she wants. The gift of life without you. It is not about being mad.

 

Yeah your halloween party is coming up. Again, be sure to portray happiness. Say a simple "hello" if you are near her. That is it, nothing else. She won't think you are mad. She will just think you aren't interested in her anymore. That will get to her.

[heartoutside]

So I just finished writing an email to my best friend catching him up on the life that IS MINE! And i get an email from facebook saying my ex has written on my facebook wall. She posted this damn video, its' funny, but why send it to me? She sent it to me and then sent it to her roommate!

 

Storm, if they were to come back trust is the biggest issue with me or for us. Also, issues that were around before we broke up. I think 2 things would have to happen, one: she would have to seek help because she needs it and this constant cycle of desructive behavior has to stop! two: she and I would have to talk to someone together! Even then, it would take a lot of time to make things right. If anyone could do it it would be me, I'm a very understand person, but i've also got to think about myself.

 

Maybe this is a good thing, her breaking up with me. What if she put off flipping out like this until after we were married or until after we had kids!? I would be in horrible shape and I wouldn't hate even more to have to put children through something like this. I can't even being to think what it is like for people on this forum who are going through such events!?!!

[storm]

Well sometimes I think divorce is a little bit better because when they sign those papers, you know they aren't coming back. But then again I may be wrong. In our situations that damn hope really messes with us.

 

Don't look too much into why she is sending little things such as a video. She is doing a good job of keeping herself on your mind. She doesn't want you to move on. It is rather simple and selfish. And it is working. Look, you are wondering again. Do not under any circumstance, reply to any of this. You saw where the last few months of replies got you, no where. While she got closer to AE guy. STAY STRONG AND STAY GONE!

[frd150]

But another thing I keep asking myself. Yes we are finding it hard to move on. And you have brought this up. What will we even think if they did come back and want to work things out? Do we really want to go through all this again? Can we trust them that they won't get these wishy washy feelings again. They act as if they are so happy without us but deep down inside we know they are struggling to a degree. Why would they put themselves through this? Blows my mind.

 

 

Heart this Precisely what scares me. What I/we (you me and well storm) have gone thru has been utter hell. For me it was torture like i have never experienced after a breakup. Its a real scarey thing to think about. Get back together, everything is great,emotions are deep and high and then bam she leaves again. Back to square one.

 

Something to think about...

[heartoutside]

Oh, one more thing heart. Turn all this around. How do you think she would behave if you dumped her???? And how could she make you think twice about such a decision?

 

Give her what she wants. The gift of life without you. It is not about being mad.

 

Yeah your halloween party is coming up. Again, be sure to portray happiness. Say a simple "hello" if you are near her. That is it, nothing else. She won't think you are mad. She will just think you aren't interested in her anymore. That will get to her.

 

I was thinking about that the other day. I think if I broke up with her she would go nutz and take my head off and leave. Never talking to me again!

 

I guess my greatest fear is not meeting someone again. I'm not the most out going dude in the bunch, don't have the greatest game and to be honest I've never really dated someone I didn't already know. But I guess, what they say is true, love seems to find you when you aren't really looking for it. It's happened to me 3 times....2 ended with heartache and the 3rd I never really let the relationship grow because I was still holding on to the first heartache.

 

I'm happy with where I'm standing on this with her. I kind of feel like I"m getting myself respect back and my self worth. I'm just still dealing with the fact that someone could do this to someone else. I guess I'm just a little naive and feel that people shouldn't be treated this way....I guess I was wrong.

[heartoutside]

Well first yesterday I recieve that stupid facebook comment on my page from my ex. Then last night just as i'm about to fall asleep I get a text from her. Hi.

 

I don't reply, i don't open it, i just roll back to sleep and i'm about to fall asleep 20 mins later or so when I get another text.

 

I open my phone to look at the preview and all I can read is "well you're probably doing...."

 

that is all the preview would let me see without opening the text.

 

I was proud of myself, because I didn't open it, I didn't feel the need to reply. I didn't feeel the need to get on LS and ask everyone what I should do. I knew what I should do, go back to sleep, because that's what I was doing and that's what I needed to do.

 

Now 6 hours later, I'm up for work so I opened the message.

 

Basically she thought I was working again at the retail store we work at working what is called an overnight where you rearrange the store in the over night hours. I wasn't, I did the night before but not last night. So she thought I was working it and she then texts "hopes your doing OK."

 

Guilt, nothing more, nothing less. She's not looking out for anyone except herself. She doesn't really give a damn how I'm doing, she just doesn't want the guilt to get to her.

 

I haven't replied to either text and I won't. I don't feel the need to, even after sleeping on it!

 

The funny thing is, she'll find out today that I wasn't working the overnight last night when she goes into work. If she gives a damn, and is wondering why I didn't reply she look at the schedule to make sure I didn't reply because I was working the overnight. I wasn't!

 

So maybe she is as happy as she looks? Maybe that's not a game?!

 

man......

should be an interesting weekend!

 

 

[storm]

You are doing the right thing heart. If you answer any of this nonsense then you will be starting all over again. I promise she isn't going to just give up. The more you ignore her, the more it will get under her skin. And the less interest she will have in AE boy.

 

Don't let her sidetrack you!

 

And don't forget. She broke up with you and ran to some other guy. How classy is that? Are you even capable of doing such a thing to her? Does she even understand what true love is? Sounds like high school to me. She knew how bad she hurt you in the break up and instead started to hang out with this guy.

 

I know you shouldn't play games and ignoring her bait attempts isn't a game. But how would she react if you showed up at the halloweenie party with another girl? I'd love to see her reaction. I'd pay top dollar for that. Not saying you should do such a thing;) but wondering what would happen.

 

Then again, stooping to her level wouldn't be wise.

[storm]

"hope you're doing ok". What a bunch of crap. How selfish of her. Just like my ex. Only cares about herself and tries to diminish her guilt. Does she really care about your feelings? Breaking up and hanging with some other guy.

 

The best payback you can give to her is not be there anymore. Continue to ignore her.

[selena_cat]

ey does the same goes for women to, ith exes who runs hot and cold,mainly because they have someone else

 

 

My ex and I have had a million of these closure talks too...and she acted the same way...hot and cold, confused.

THESE PEOPLE ARE RIGHT! TRUST ME!

YOU NEED TO WALK AWAY.

You will miss her, you will think about her, you will pine to talk to her.

This is a test of your strength.

If you still love her, and you respect yourself, you will let her sort out her own confusion and you will LET HER BE.

There is no other way to go.

Don't be her "friend" who wants more, don't be in limited contact with her, don't tell her anymore how you feel.

Just let it be and it will all work out the way it's supposed to, I promise.

That's what I'm doing.

You have no idea how bad I want to pick up my phone and call my ex, but what would that accomplish?

All it would do is show her that I am still on her string and totally available.

I've found that women are more attracted to men who know what they want, who don't settle for hot/cold treatment, and who know when to walk away.

Good luck, you can do it.

[selena_cat]

OMG,i'm in the same situation well,not the same but i seem to analyze every liitle things the ex says then he dissapears, where were you storm when i needed you? u seem so wise, my goodness,this is what i needed to hear. the thing with analizing their everymove

 

 

You are analyzing why her myspace status has changed to "in a relationship" You are worried it was something you said etc. You know what it is? It is because you haven't disappeared. She has felt secure since the break up. You have allowed her to ween herself off of you!

 

This is what I warned you about weeks ago. Ignore any attempts by her to contact you from now on. Make a goal, such as you will only talk to her if she shows up at your door. If you accomplish that, then you will be on her mind more when she hangs out with this girlie boy. Remember what I said about if she worries about you. What is he doing, what is he thinking? Is he seeing someone? Worrying on her part can lead to more than you think.

 

However, if you answer the texts then she will have the security of knowing you are still there. Even if you answer them a day late, you are still there. And she will not think of you as much when she is hanging with american eagle boy. The back of her head will have that secure feeling which will allow her to concentrate on other guys.

 

If you don't think worrying has an effect then look at what it has done to you. You have been worried this whole time, worried if she will get back together with you, worried why she canceled dinner, worried what she is thinking, worried why she did this or that. Cuddle poke this and high five that. What is this new guy? Why is she texting this? You are worried, and do you think you can have feelings for a new girl when you are worried like this? Hell no! Turn the tables on this girl. Make her worry.

[heartoutside]

So this morning while heading out to a job I get a text, around 8 or so....

 

I hope we can talk before the party. I get off work at 6pm. Please don't ignore me........

 

 

WHAT THE F"N HELL!!!!

 

So what do I do about this one?

 

I'm not going to reply her because I'm too tired to deal with it because she woke me up last night, and I couldn't get back to sleep and had to get up 5 hours later!

 

Any Ideas? Suggestions?! I don't get it?! it doesn't make sense.....she walked away, she has a bf why does she think we need to talk before the party? i don't have anything to say, expect trick or f'n treat!

[storm]

Do you finally see where ignoring her will get you?? It is getting under her skin big time. She is starting to think you don't care and you are slipping away. That is a good thing heart. She isn't thinking about AE boy anymore.

 

You must proceed with extreme caution here. You have only two options here. Ignore her pointless jesture until she makes a better effort which will actually raise your value even more. Or you can text her back and she will probably just check to make sure you aren't mad. Then back out on meeting up. You choose your own adventure.

[storm]

I just thought about it a little more. The talk could be something as stupid as her asking you if it will bother you that she brings AE boy to the party. This could be dangerous.

[heartoutside]

I'm guessing she is really worried that there will be problems with me and AE boy being at the party as well....who knows though...I kind of think anyone wouldn't care if they brought their BF to a party that their ex was at. She did it with me several times when we first started dating, brought me around where her BF would be sometime (he worked with us as well), but I don't know if she contacted the ex like she is contacting me?

 

BUT, last night I got home from work and passed out because I was so tired.

 

I turned my phone off because I wanted to sleep.

 

I woke up this morning and there was a text.

 

R u busy?

 

I then check my email.....

 

hi heart,

 

I know i'm being very annoying, but I want to know if you're ok. Please say something to me. Even if it's something I don't want to hear. Please don't hate me.

 

 

not signed with anything at all. that was it. writen on her blackberry I'm assuming.

 

This doesn't seem like she's worried about the AE guy and myself at the party at all. But who knows, you can never tell VIA electronic communication what someone is feeling, that is why I've been telling her to call.

 

You know what else is odd, is she keeps getting in touch with me late at night. Where's AE boy? Shouldn't he be sleeping over? I know I was.

 

But what the hell does she want? What does she expect to me to say, "Oh, I could never be mad at you! I love you so much that I'm going to let you walk all over me until you think you don't need me anymore at all."

 

F that, she made the bed now she has to lay in it!

 

Storm, I almost started a new thread on this one, this was an unexpected chapter! Plus I could have probably gotten more replies.

 

Any ideas....I'm still not replying....there's nothing to reply to. I get nothing out of it, and she gets everything out of it, peace and ease of knowing that I'll still respond to her when she asks me to! Hell with that!

[storm]

Heart. I think everyone would tell you the same things i'm telling you. This really isn't a new chapter. She asked you to have a talk before, remember the dinner that she backed out on? She is still doing the same things but a little more agressive now. Why is she being more aggressive? Because you are finally playing off of that little insecurity she has. You are finally taking a stand and becoming super mysterious.

 

The insecurity is she doesn't know what you are thinking. As soon as she finds out what you are thinking then she backs off and goes fulltime with AE boy. Her behavior is extremely predictable now.

 

You want her to do more than a text or email.

 

And never forget, how would she behave if you dumped her???? You know darn well she would run off and date others. And act colder than you've ever seen. She would make you kiss her feet to get back with her, if you were the dumper. You need to act like that, but don't make someone kiss ur feet.

 

Continue doing what you are doing. I know she will make a greater effort. But if you reply, then you can just skip back about 3 pages and that is where you will be again. Don't let the cycle repeat. Ignore her until this party and just be happy when you see her. Say "Hey, how is it going?" when you see her there. And that is it, don't say anything else. It will completely confuse her. She will think she is losing her grip on you. That is a good thing you know.

[storm]

Oh. That was just an idea I threw out about you being ok with her bringing some guy. It is obvious what she wants to talk about by her email she sent you. She just wants you to say "I still love you, I'm not mad at you, i'm still waiting, etc"

 

Don't let her know what you are thinking. She gave up her right to know about you when she dumped you off on the highway like an unwanted kitten.

[heartoutside]

I feel confident for once in what I'm doing. I keep thinking back now to about 3 months ago when I went to south america and she got flip'n mad at me while I was there and mad at one of her best friends because she thought we were hiding the trip from her.

 

But while I was in south america she sent me messages via myspace telling me that she would never be cool with me again, and that was a ****ty thing for me to do. And can't believe I wrote her back saying stupid things like "you know me I would never do anything to hurt you," blah blah blah. I guess hindsight is 20/20. I should have let all this crap and bull that's she been pulling just roll off me like I have been these past 2 or 3 weeks. I do regret that! God do I wish I could take all that back. I really look like a fool, and chump letting her make me crumble so easily! I guess it's easier said then done. I'll for next time though!

 

If this all happened a month ago or so, I think I would be replying because I would be thinking "oh man, I don't want her to think I"m mad!" Or I don't want her to be mad at me......f that!

[storm]

Well heart. This is your last chance to stand up for yourself and put her in her place. I know deep down inside you want to get back with her. I just worry that she may show up at your place to talk in person if you keep it up. But either way you look at it, that is the goal of all this, I think. But when she shows up you can make your own decision on where you want to go. Maybe you will tell her to go to hell. Who knows.

 

The creepy part about all this is that I haven't spoken one word to my X in almost 2 months. I got an AOL instant message from her a few minutes ago. Oh my, my stomach had butterflies and my legs became weak. I decided so far not to reply. She can see i'm online but I can always reply later.

 

She wrote "hi"

 

"[FONT=Arial]I know you prolly don't wanna talk, but I wanted to tell you that I got a job working for blah company. corp office and now we both work with paint! Sweet."[/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial]"ok, bye"[/FONT]

 

Long story but I started some business out of my basement about 5 years ago. She was the one that got me out of the bad lifestyle I lived in. This allowed me to clear my head and create a paint business. And now after 4 months of being broken up and 2 months of not talking(NC). She tells me she found a job working at some big paint company. And she commented how we both work with paint. Sorry I'm not going to highjack your thread. Just wanted to say I don't know what to do now. Instead of asking how i've been she has to tell me about some job she got. All I could really say to her is "i'm extremely proud of you. " But i'm not sure what i'm going to do.