out of the blue, ex wants to meet up...

[storm]

You are supposed to delete her from myspace and facebook.

[wowIlose]

stop hanging on...

 

just stop man, change your fookin number if you need to. Shes with someone else what can you possibly do other than torture yourself???????

 

Delete her from your life already. Just change your number and this all stops.

Oh and please don't reply saying how you can't... if you want to move on with yourself you'll do whatever it takes. Aren't you getting sick and tired of this BS? I know you are... Does this thread have to continue for another two months about how shes texting you but shes getting married and you still don't know how to let go.

 

I am sorry about being harsh but you need to put things in perspective.

[thelegend]

my brother it's obvious you are not over her and i think you enjoy her texting you ever so often. Because you enjoy the feeling of just being thought of or wanted. I think wowilose is right he's giving you tough love. either you are getting off on this or you have some serious self esteem issues. If i were you I would tell her plain and simple do not call me or text me or anything leave me alone. But i doubt you'll do it because you still want her attention. I really hope you realize she's crippling you brother. the longer you hang on to her and this situation the longer it's gonna take before the real woman for you will come along. you need to make a clear cut decision if you want her then you do what you do and stop the thread but if you want her gone for good you need to get rid of her. period.

[Dmeech]

this is friggin awesome! It's 3am and i gotta wake up for work at 6am and i'm still on reading this... I'm going through the same stuff, only I kept contact, which is not good. heart you make some good points, thank you for posting your story and keeping all of us up to date. best of luck bro.

[Coughlin]

O.k. enough is enough dude. I've been in this situation before and I'm telling you it is over between you two. You will never be together and even if she throws you abone and hooks up with you one night, I guarantee it will only end up hurting you worse because it will mean nothing to her and everything to you.

 

She is stringing you along. Seriously, your her little puppet on a string. She knows what she is doing is bothering you and making you thing you have an outside chance with her. Have some pride and respect for yourself. The last time I communicated with my ex through text, which by the way is a low form of communicating and the problem with it is that we think that there is is "real feelings" coming from a text message. That's a load of crap. But then again, you don't deserve a phone call. I bet she called you all the time while you were together. She probably wanted to see you all the time to. But, now your reduced to text messaging ot table scraps. Your like a dog waiting for table scraps.

 

Is that what you deserve? I bet you feel so good to get that left over, text message. Good for you-Good boy! This is how I see things and I'm sorry if it sounds harsh. Anyways, my ex (who I work with) sent me a good boy text message recently, saying, "I don't know if you remember but I like to kid around at work and I hope it didn't make you mad." She was throwing candy corns at me while I was working on the computer and I was just annoyed by it and I didn't react like you would at this point with, "Oh my god, guys, she threw candy corns at me (table scraps), that must mean something!"

 

So, I texted her back with, I remember what it was like and under different circumstances I would joke around with you.

 

She replied, Great!!!! I just didn't want you to take it the wrong way and be mad at me. If I was you, I would be like, oh, my god, look she threw in FOUR exclamation points. I must be so special. But, I'm not you and I simply replied, It doesn't really matter but you can socialize with other people. I'm trying to keep things more professional and less personal around the office.

 

She repied, OK.

 

Since then, I don't get any more table scraps and I'll tell you what, I'm glad. I deserve more than that and so do you. If you think for one minute that she must be hurting and/or really cares for you becaue of some text messages, you are a fool. The sad part is that she's crushing your confidence and keeping you from moving onto something real.

 

Moral of the story. Text messaging = table scraps. If your hungry, table scraps seem real tasty an filling. I'd rather have a full course meal kinda like what her boyfriend is having.

[heartoutside]

So I deleted her from myspace and facebook....

 

as for the texts, I don't read into them. I'm not really putting them on here to ask people to tell me what they mean, or why is she putting "FOUR exclamation points."

 

I do read into a text that says I want to sleep next to you, or one where she calls me by her nick name for me (something she hasn't done in 5 months!) I could careless about the others, and I know she's just dealing with either her guilt, wanting attention or something else.

 

Mind you, I haven't acknowledge her presence in 4 weeks, not even in person. So what am I suppose to stop? Stop NOT replying? Stop posting on here? Stop NOT acknowledging her presence? What should I be stopping?

 

I post on here to vent.

 

AS for her BF getting a full meal, I doubt it.....but you're there and I'm here, so you may be right? If he were getting a full meal, I don't think she would have spent a whole friday night sending me texts....but that's just MO.

 

I don't want the text's I don't care for them and she knows that!! There's nothing I can do about it! I can't change my number because it's a business number, all I can do is ignore them, like I've been doing for the past month!

 

 

Dmeech, I'm glad to hear you read the whole thread, and it's helping you. good luck.

[Coughlin]

Stop fixating on her! She isn't worth the time spent thinking about what or who she is doing.

 

So, the text of her calling you by a nickname and saying I wish I can sleep next to you. That, to me, is like one of those scraps that no one else chewed on first. Those are some high quality table scraps. Heck, I mean thats almost like a real meal. If I could just get one more like that, it would make it all worth while. This is how you are acting. I'm glad you haven't seen her or responded to her texts and deleted her off of myspace and facebook. Now, Tell her to stop texting you and leave you alone. As far as I can tell, you haven't done that and the reason is because-deep down-your hoping that something would change, like for example, her.

 

She won't change. Only you can change. Change how you think about her, change how she affects you, change how you let her treat you by standing up to her.

 

I used to say the Serenity prayer a bunch of times when I felt like I wanted to have control over someone's actions. It helps. People always say that the best indicator for future behavior is past behavior. You have nothing to base your hopes on that anything will change between you to so you put meaning behind a stupid text message that your right, she probably sent to you out of boredom or lonliness or maybe she got into a fight with her Boyfriend. Maybe her boyfriend was out of town on that Friday night so she figured she would try and slum it with you.

 

The truth hurts man and as much as yo want to change it, you can't. Your not alone though. Look at all the people on this forum who can relate to what your going through, including me. Let it go and focus on taking care of yourself because when it comes right down to it. We are the best persons for that job. Do what ou want to do and don't let her invade your thoughts. SHE ISN'T WORTH IT!

[heartoutside]

Thanks for the reply, but if you are going to reply, don't make any assumptions about my situation. I understand you got burned by your ex as well, but like everyone and everthing in life, every situation is different. I know I need to move on and I have been, thanks. Right now I am my number one priority, you don't see me crying about this, or sitting around doing nothing with my life in hopes she'll return, F that. But seriously man if you are going to reply to peoples posts on here have a little more tact and a little more respect.

 

It's one thing to show or tell someone the truth, it's another to assume what is the truth and what isn't.

[wowIlose]

some carriers allow you to block numbers. Take a look into it, see if its possible. I know when I worked for sprint I could block text messaging from specific numbers for customers.

 

it would take a lot to take that step if possible but in the long run it would speed up your healing process.

 

Either way, good job on taking steps to move forward, I wish you the best of luck.

[heartoutside]

Ok, now it's starting to hit me again. I guess it's just another little slump. It's odd, I did fine all day. Felt good, felt fine and happy. Now, I don't know what I feel.

[isntitironic]

I'm sorry I'm kind of knew to this tread but I've thread as much as I can. I understand she's strung you along for 4 months. But now that the tables seem to be turning why are you kicking her when she is down?

[heartoutside]

The quick story.....I told her how I felt one last time a little over a month ago, 4 days later after she and I went to a mutual company party (not together, I brought another friend as my date) that night she sent me a text saying she wanted to sleep next to me. About 4 days later she changed her status on facebook and myspace to being in a relationship with this guy she's been hanging out with since about a month after we broke up. Since then she hasn't really stopped texting me.

 

I have nothing left. There's nothing else for me to do or say. The tables haven't turned and I'm by far not kicking her while she's down. She's been kicking for 4 months.....what am I suppose to do?!

[Newtotheblogthing]

Ok. I have been off the site for a little bit. My ex got into a very bad car accident.. he's now back in his hometown probably going to rehab and STILL acting like an a**hole.

 

When I read Coughlin's reply about table scraps and texts and how they used to call us all the time and now it's like we have won the lottery by getting anything from them, I just started smilling. I am a puppet!!!

 

I am sorry, it's SO TRUE!! What has become acceptable and what gives me hope etc.. it's pathetic.

 

I am just kind of glad today that I actually view it that way.. I was so down.. being emotionally blackmailed by my ex.. letting him keep me on the puppet strings...I was practically begging for it too. Oh yeah, I'll sleep with you even though you have a new gf, oh you broke up with her, great I am still here.. throw me a scrap. Now, I am feeling so much better. Why am I sad? He flipped his car, he was f**ed up and could hav died and he still treats me horribly. I love him dearly but my god.. at what cost?

 

I say the serenity prayer everyday too!

 

Heartoutside.. I know this may not apply to you, sorry. I also know that we will be done when we're done. That's just the way it goes. Noone can tell us ANYTHING that will change our minds. We can read, listen, take in the information but ultimately you will have to go through your own process and we are here to help if we can.

 

Didn't mean to talk about Coughlin but for my situation it helped me today and really made me laugh!

 

I hope you are doing alright!!

[storm]

Heart. I wonder what the situation would be like if you never came to the internet for advice. That is an interesting question to ask yourself. Would you still be replying and what would the result be? Hmmm. I don't know

 

Post anytime and as much as you want. This is your journal, not ours. Hopefully some day you can come back here and laugh at what conspired.

 

Telling her to leave you alone would be dangerous because she could show up at your door. That is the sick twisted truth to the whole break up game. But I doubt you would say such a thing to her.

 

Deleting her from myspace and facebook is by far the best way to show her that she can't control you anymore, and you could care less about her life. Not saying she was controlling you like a puppet but she did take your feelings for a ride ever since this break up began. Very selfish of her.

 

And do you think a good honest person would break someones heart and immediately go and date someone else? Is that love? That is the one greatest indicator of a sad, shallow, selfish soul. She has her own selfish agenda. I don't know your ex but i'm saying this from what i've read so far. Only certain people do these kinds of things and she happens to be one of them. So think deep about your future, marriage, kids, house etc. If you two were together again down the road, would you forget about all this hell she put you through? I think it would haunt you.

 

Just some stuff to think about.

 

Again if you do accidently reply to one of her texts. At least say something like "What do you want from me?" Put her on the spot and call her out.

[heartoutside]

Storm.....this time I think it's for real, she won't text me. Seriously. I know, broken record, been there done that.....she won't, why would she. I'm going to our friends birthday party tomorron night at our mutual friends b-day party. I'm not sure if she'll be there, last I checked she hadn't replied to our friend telling her she would be there. If she is, I don't know how I'll feel or what will happen....The good news is some buddies I haven't seen in a long time will be there!

 

Your question is a good one. I don't know what I would have done without LS?! I would probably have far fewer friends, and a large phone bill!

[thelegend]

well my brother i'm gonna tell you like an old man told me. If you really want to know where you are at with the girl as far as your feelings are concerned if you can talk to her without being mad or jealous then you over her. So i recommend that if you see her talk to her as if she's an old friend. Don't talk about yall. Just talk about life in general and if you can handle it without getting overanxious or jealous or angry then you know you are over her and everything is cool. Ignoring her is not for her but for you for your strength in the seperation. When you feel like being bothered answer back she can't hurt you anymore if you are over her. Just my experience. I talk to my ex everyday. She wants to see me so bad it's funny but I don't talk about us because we are not we it's her and me. I do my thing she does hers and i ask her for advice sometimes. I've learned from her and our experience and that's what relationships are all about learning to make yourself better. But i think you're on the right path.

[heartoutside]

So I was wrong.

 

I didn't think she would react like this. I thought since she has a BF she would just see that I deleted her from myspace and facebook and walk away....but nope

 

About 2 hours after I go to sleep she sends me the following

 

you are the most childish boy I know!"

 

I almost replied, but instead I took my phone in the living room and left it there.

 

I check it this morning.

 

2 more messages.

 

"Love? Totally knew you weren't in love."

 

 

"I let you have my fish tank. My garbage can. My shelf system. My pots. I was trying to leave on good terms. BUt that means nothing. Thanks!!!!"

 

I'm sure I'll get hell for this on here, but does she not know that I love her and that's why I'm walking away?! I wasn't a month ago that I told her that I loved her.

 

Should I reply so this can at least stop? I was thinking maybe sending an email, no more of this texting crap.....

[jmargel]

Stop playing these freakin' childish games already. If you don't want to be with her then stop obessing over her. If you want to try to work things out then call her and talk to her.

 

It was bad communication that got you two in this mess to begin with and it sounds like you haven't learned from it. I don't know what your intentions are. You say you want to end things for good with her but it sounds like you are craving this attention (text messages) she is giving you.

[heartoutside]

I'm not craving them at all. I would love it if she didn't reply at all, this actually sucks even more. I agree that communication is what is messing things up, but I'm torn. Everyone and their mother on here says I should do NC, so I have been, for the past month. I"m not playing any games. I'm just doing what I thought was right for me to move on......I didn't think I would get this kind of reaction......

 

Here's the email I just wrote....good or bad?

 

Love? Totally knew you weren't in love."

 

I don't understand how my love for you can be questioned? I was crushed when you walked out of my life, walked out on us. It took me 4 months just to gain some composure. This is the only way I can get my life back and my heart.

 

You’ve moved on and left behind what we had. I held on to hope that you would come back, but I now see that I was being a fool and had been fooled. I should have known you didn’t need space.

 

You know how I feel about you; we seem to have the same talk every other month. I can’t do it anymore. After our last talk, I began to see that you had moved on and there was no reason for me to hold on to hope anymore. You proved me right a few weeks later. It’s no fair to me to watch you date new people like I never existed, and leave me sitting on my hands wondering what will happen next holding on to some hope. I had hoped that you would send me that same text you sent me 4 months ago, “I love you and I miss you.” But I need to let that hope go, and you need to let me. I can’t have my heart played with anymore

 

We can talk if you like, but I can’t keep going in circles with us. You’ve made a choice; and even though it’s a choice I never dreamed of making I need to make one as well.

[BrianG]

What is the serenity prayer? I would like to know, i could use all the prayers, etc. that i can get to help me through this.

[heartoutside]

I haven't sent the email.....just wondering what the opinions are on here.....although i think I can answer that one for myself

[serendip]

I can't believe I read this entire thread but it help me a bit.

 

Your ex is a saint next to mine...I broke up with my ex after she cheated on me again(I forgave her the first time around)...she started dating the guy 2 days after we broke up. Even after we broke up...she had me on a string...of course I also was doing my best impersonation of the Count of Monte Cristo in that I was seeking revenge

 

Anyway I think you should just tell your ex it's best to give you space and to leave you alone. Her constant texting won't do you no good with the healing process b/c you are stuck in limbo.

 

Do the right thing for both of you and let each other go...hardest thing to do(I'm still dealing with it).

[myhotrod123456789]

I have been following this thread for awhile now. I don't get why you haven't called her yet. I agree with whoever said that a lack of communication is what probably ruined your relationship and it is what is destroying whatever civil parting you can have now. You are using NC to hurt her at this point and despite what everyone says, it is clearly not being used for any other purpose. You need to call her up (something you should have done awhile ago) without being vengeful or angry and say:

 

1) I am not contacting you because I still have feelings for you and it hurts me to be in touch with you while you are with someone else

2) if you aren't interested in being with me or working on things, then please don't contact me.

 

That is it. That is the entire phone call that will put an end to this whole situation. Why are you torturing her? Why are you torturing yourself?

[storm]

Well heart. Think of all the ignoring it took to get to this point. And deleting her from myspace and facebook really got under her skin. This is all about pride now. This girl put you through hell.

 

Yes you are getting tons of conflicting advice now. I'm just not sure why all these people feel bad for your ex. He is torturing her?? Come on. None of us know what she is really thinking. She is a very deceptive person so we have no way of knowing if you are actually torturing her. I think she puts on a nice act. I just look at her actions. She texts you while dating some AE boy and putting "in a relationship" on her myspace. That should be enough evidence to see that she likes having you where she wants you.

 

You really have three options. 1 and 3 is what i'd choose.

 

1. Continue to walk away and ignore her. And don't tell her what you are thinking. (would be my choice in your situation.) You do not owe her anything at all. And that includes any explanation of how you feel or why you are doing what you are doing. She gave up all those rights, remember she let you go. You should never reveal your plan to this girl. Let her guess all she wants. Sucks for her. She let a good guy go.

 

Or

 

2. Call her and tell her how you feel again or send that email. This would void all the time you spent ignoring her. That would only set you back to where you began. She would say something stupid like "I miss having you as a friend and I don't want you to be mad at me". Calling her would be just like that serious talk you had with her before, got you nowhere. She would just feel comfortable again and proceed with AE boy fulltime. I think if you called her, and told her how you feel or told her that you want her to leave you alone would just end like all these relationships end. She probably wouldn't call anymore. And your posts would dwindle.

 

3. Call or text her and ask something simple "what do you want from me?" Leave it up to her for an explanation, remain silent and listen to what she has to say, do not let her know how you feel until she quits the games and tells you what is really on her mind. I still doubt she will tell you what is on her mind.

[heartoutside]

myhotrod.....if you've been following this thread then you know I've told her all of that already. I've told her if there is someone else, I'm not going to stand around and watch and that I have to walk away. My exact words. I've told her from the start we can't be friends, and you think by my not replying to her text messages for the past month she would understand that! I can't control her actions, I can only control mine.

 

As for a civil parting, I think she destroyed that when she toyed with my heart for 3 months. She asked for a break and said she needed space, and never looked back. That isn't anyway to part on civil terms if you ask me.

 

Storm, this has nothing to do with pride. I could care less about that. It's very simple, all it has to do with is does she want to be in my life or out of it!?

 

I'm going to have to think about this. The last time we talked I gave her the option of talking more if she had anything else to say about us, maybe she took that the wrong way and felt she could use that as a friend route?!

 

I guess there is no right or wrong answer, I just don't know how to go about doing it?! I don't think talking to her will set me back any further, not back to where I was. I remember how broken I was that first month, I haven't been like that since. I've had crappy days since, but nothing like those days. So I think talking to her may suck at first afterwards but it may give me some closure...