Author heartoutside Posted October 16, 2007 Author Share Posted October 16, 2007 anyone have anything to say...... Link to post Share on other sites
storm Posted October 16, 2007 Share Posted October 16, 2007 You are analyzing why her myspace status has changed to "in a relationship" You are worried it was something you said etc. You know what it is? It is because you haven't disappeared. She has felt secure since the break up. You have allowed her to ween herself off of you! This is what I warned you about weeks ago. Ignore any attempts by her to contact you from now on. Make a goal, such as you will only talk to her if she shows up at your door. If you accomplish that, then you will be on her mind more when she hangs out with this girlie boy. Remember what I said about if she worries about you. What is he doing, what is he thinking? Is he seeing someone? Worrying on her part can lead to more than you think. However, if you answer the texts then she will have the security of knowing you are still there. Even if you answer them a day late, you are still there. And she will not think of you as much when she is hanging with american eagle boy. The back of her head will have that secure feeling which will allow her to concentrate on other guys. If you don't think worrying has an effect then look at what it has done to you. You have been worried this whole time, worried if she will get back together with you, worried why she canceled dinner, worried what she is thinking, worried why she did this or that. Cuddle poke this and high five that. What is this new guy? Why is she texting this? You are worried, and do you think you can have feelings for a new girl when you are worried like this? Hell no! Turn the tables on this girl. Make her worry. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartoutside Posted October 16, 2007 Author Share Posted October 16, 2007 I'm already there......There will be NO CONTACT! I do have to see her at a halloween party, and I can only assume she'll be bring AE boy with her and the next day we have a company meeting (which I intend on showing up in my halloween custom), so I'm kind of wondering how I should handle that. I've actually been really unemotional about it, which is kind of odd. I thought by this afternoon this would have sunk in or made a mess of me but it's not really effecting me like it would have a month or so ago. I know I did everything in my power, I know I'm not a mean person (like she said), and I know she's INSANE! I'm not analyzing her myspace status changing because of what I said or did per say. I'm not dwelling on it, I was simply pointing it out. If she wants to jump into a relationship because I told her I was going to a party with another girl, or because our friend told her that I was talking about this girl with my buddie, then so be it. There's nothing wrong with what I did and I don't regret it. She won't text me, I can promise that and if she does I won't answer, hell no. But she won't....I know her too well. But I'm done with the myspace game and the facebook thang. I know I've said that before, but I think it's a good part of the NC thing. I don't need to react and I don't need to pay attention to any of her actions unless they are positive actions. Done Link to post Share on other sites
Pentula77 Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 Woke up this morning and logged on to facebook and noticed that my ex has changed her relationship status from single to in a relationship... and the odd thing is she still has this virtual pet named after me on her myspace page. I think this sums up everything nicely... Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartoutside Posted October 17, 2007 Author Share Posted October 17, 2007 are you implying I'm her pet? Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 Yes, I have something to say. STOP CHECKING UP ON HER. Delete her myspace and facebook addresses and forget about them. Who cares what she is doing now? It's no longer any concern of yours. Move on with YOUR life. That's all that should matter to you now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartoutside Posted October 17, 2007 Author Share Posted October 17, 2007 Day 1: Mornings are tough. I haven't logged on to either facebook or myspace or had any temptation to email, call or text her. I think I'm more worried about when she sends me a text. But she won't, she knows what she's done and I think she's finally dating this guy just to spite me almost and has moved on. But I won't go into that, it's not worth it. I do wonder if she's thinking about me at all, or if she's just wrapped up in the little false fake world she's created for herself? I know I can't think about that, but it's still early in the "moving on" stage. I'm sure it will get better soon! The things I"m fighting with right now are, being alone, my pride (or self worth) being destroyed almost, and waking up in the morning. My days get better as they go on, but right now, this morning f'n sucks....I don't even know why, after the way she's treated me, why do I still feel like I love her? Am I just fooling myself, and fear being alone? The good news, it's a sunny day, I'm healthy and alive and breathing! heart Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 Day 1: Mornings are tough. I haven't logged on to either facebook or myspace or had any temptation to email, call or text her. I think I'm more worried about when she sends me a text. But she won't, she knows what she's done and I think she's finally dating this guy just to spite me almost and has moved on. But I won't go into that, it's not worth it. Most of the problems (worries) we have in life are things that NEVER happen. Worrying is a futile act. You just have to let go of things you can not control. I do wonder if she's thinking about me at all, or if she's just wrapped up in the little false fake world she's created for herself? I know I can't think about that, but it's still early in the "moving on" stage. I'm sure it will get better soon! Whatever world she is in is no longer a concern of yours nor is YOUR life any concern of hers. You don't have a choice at this point. You HAVE to move on. The things I"m fighting with right now are, being alone, my pride (or self worth) being destroyed almost, and waking up in the morning. Just because she did not appreciate your love does not mean YOU are not worthy of being loved. And the best part about any breakup is knowing that with your ex out of the picture the RIGHT person can come into your life. Read some books on self-confidence to get you started. My days get better as they go on, but right now, this morning f'n sucks....I don't even know why, after the way she's treated me, why do I still feel like I love her? Am I just fooling myself, and fear being alone? You do still love her. And that's not going to go away soon but over time as you start to heal you'll realize she wasn't good for you anyway. Learn to love and embrace being single and happy. After all, you can't make someone else happy in a relationship if you can not make yourself happy being single. The good news, it's a sunny day, I'm healthy and alive and breathing! That's a good start! (It's raining in San Diego today!) Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartoutside Posted October 17, 2007 Author Share Posted October 17, 2007 Any suggestions on books to read? I've read no more mr. nice guy, twice actually. Maybe I should read it again. It did help every time I read it....it's just keeping that focus and remember the ideals that I think allows me to slip. To be honest, I'm excited about meeting someone new, I just don't like the idea of being alone right now. Some days are better then other though. I remember about 2 months ago when I went nuts sitting around the house by myself, and I had to call and text all my friends to see what they were doing just because I didn't want to be alone. Now, I really don't mind it.....I don't prefer it, but I don't mind it. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 Any suggestions on books to read? I've read no more mr. nice guy, twice actually. Maybe I should read it again. It did help every time I read it....it's just keeping that focus and remember the ideals that I think allows me to slip. Keep reading it and look for the best rated books on amazon that cover self-confidence. To be honest, I'm excited about meeting someone new, I just don't like the idea of being alone right now. Some days are better then other though. I remember about 2 months ago when I went nuts sitting around the house by myself, and I had to call and text all my friends to see what they were doing just because I didn't want to be alone. Now, I really don't mind it.....I don't prefer it, but I don't mind it. The people who find Mr or Ms Right are most often the ones who are completely happy and content being single. Link to post Share on other sites
storm Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 Yeah it sucks when you have to keep seeing them due to work or circles of friends. But you can use those opportunities to your advantage. Just be civil with her. Say "hello" and that is it. Do not ask questions, do not engage in anything outside of a simple hello. Do not sit near her etc. This is what she wants, so give it to her. I would even not log onto myspace account for a long time(months). You survived before myspace came into your life. I'm sure she peeks at your account to see your last login date. If she sees that you haven't logged into your myspace then she will think you actually have better things to do with your life. This will bother her. But you know the rest. No contact. Don't answer any attempts by her to contact you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartoutside Posted October 17, 2007 Author Share Posted October 17, 2007 There is no doubt I won't contact her, unless she comes back beggin. I know that now. She's made her bed, now she's got to lay in it. As for seeing her, I guess just saying hello is cool. I wasn't even going to acknowledge her presence, but that may be a little too cold. I'm not too sure how I'll handle seeing this new guy either if he shows up at the halloween party. I'm going as Andy Sandburg from the SNL skit dick in a box. So I'll have the box/present around my "package", but I'm thinking of filling the box up with lollipop dicks and giving them to people as a joke. I thought I could walk up to the new guy and ask him if he wants a dick to suck on... Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartoutside Posted October 18, 2007 Author Share Posted October 18, 2007 I got an email today saying a college friend of mine had requested that we be friends on facebook. So I log on and accept it. I then notice that my ex sent me a hug last night VIA facebook. What the f? I didn't reply, didn't do anything. The instant I saw it, i logged off. As for myspace, I haven't logged on or been anywhere near it today (day 1!) I swear that crap is like crack! But I'm staying away! I know I can, I know what will happen if I see that stuff and I don't want to feel that way anymore.....! Link to post Share on other sites
storm Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 A myspace hug. How about a real hug? Ignore that fake hug crap and you might see some results. Remember, until she shows up at your door. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartoutside Posted October 18, 2007 Author Share Posted October 18, 2007 Day 7 NC: So again, this morning I logged onto facebook to bid a farewell and safe trip to my brother who was leaving for Brazil this morning. The instant I log on again I notice a "poke" or whatever from my ex. I guess I didn't see it the day before, but she sent me a freak'n wave, then posted that she was going out to get dollar burgers (she never posted what she was doing on facebook before) and then she got back from dollar burgers and sent me a hug (I already mentioned that though). I then log on again just now because my brother sent me a reply, and I see that my ex gave my buddie a hug. This is the same buddie who I gave a going away party for this past weekend. My old roommate (and her's too because she lived with us for a little while!). She didn't come to my party needless to say (even though my friend invited her) because she had her own last min party that her roommate put together 4 days before it happened, and a day after they found out about mine. I know, her life doesn't concern me. I know.....and my life doesn't concern her. I'm just amazed that she is so nuts, and acting so crazy. I guess I shouldn't be by now. The important thing is I'm not reacting to her or contacting. Today actually went well, I felt good most of the day. Mornings still suck at first, but I'm having fun with my days at least and not feeling sorry for myself or getting caught up in the emotions. I think I've already worked that crap out of my system! Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartoutside Posted October 20, 2007 Author Share Posted October 20, 2007 Day 7: I guess today would be day 7 of NC. I didn't realize that the last time she and I talked was last friday night when she called. Today f'n sucks though. I don't know why? I don't have any urge to contact her, or text her but I'm just missing her. Or maybe I'm just missing that someone. I know I need to be happy with being by myself before I can be happy with someone else. But sometimes I just think that's a load of bull. I f'n miss her and I find it hard to believe that she does't miss me. Her best friend. This is going to be a hard day..... Link to post Share on other sites
storm Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 Hang in there and be strong. I know exactly how you feel. I actually think my worst days were at 3-4 weeks of no contact. It is not that you have to be happy on your own to meet someone else. You just need to rid yourself of that drug(her) before you can begin to have feelings for anyone else. But you never know, she may miss you more than you think. But calling her will not allow her to feel that. Plus replying to her will lower your value to her. Either way you look at it, moving on or getting her to realize, you have to cut off the contact. You are doing good, don't mess it up. Stay away from myspace, guarantee she checks your login dates. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartoutside Posted October 20, 2007 Author Share Posted October 20, 2007 So I'm sitting at my computer, looking for a new car when my doorbell rings....no it wasn't her....It was her best friend (he's gay), and my friend as well. Not my best friend, but a friend none the less. He's the same guy who's couch I stayed on the 4 days following the initial talk. I realized a few months ago that I need to stop hanging around him because all I thought about was her and I would always feel tempted to talk to him about her. So I haven't seen him since last saturday, but before that I hadn't seen or really talked to him in several months. I just found myself talking to him too much about her, and if anyone shouldn't know what's going on in my head it's your ex's gay best friend! I"m hungover and already in a depressed/bad mood. He said he was thinking about me while driving around and thought he would stop by. He thought he had woken me up, but I told him that I was out last night and drank too much and was hungover. I told him a lot of things I probably shouldn't have told him, such as there was a girl at the bar last night that I could have gone home with but didn't because I'm not really into sleeping with a girl just to sleep with a girl. I told him that I was expecting a call from this other girl that I'm suppose to have coffee with today, a girl I knew in high school and just found out is living here now as well. He already knew about her from a few months ago, but he didn't know I was hanging out with her on the weekly. Basically, I probably told him too much crap all of which will most likely make it back to my ex. All the while looking hungover and a little depressed. I did tell him that I'm training to run a marathon, one down in the south and one here. I don't know if that was a planned attack, I seriously doubt it was, but it just shows me how much I need to get a new circle of friends! ugh Link to post Share on other sites
storm Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 I can't quite remember because you had so many posts going but is this the same ex that came into your place shortly after the break up and acted wierd. Looking around and didn't take all her belongings? I think she hired this guy to come and see what you are doing. Kind of odd. Yes, having common friends with an ex you care about is the nastiest thing ever. If you ask anything about her then most likely they will tell her you always ask about her. This will come off as if you are still wondering and waiting. I myself had to cut off two good friends because I think they relay everything to my ex. It is a tough decision but maybe goes along with no more mr nice guy, I needed to forget about her and care about myself. Of course I did stretch a few stories that I did want to be forwarded. You have to watch everything you say to them. Don't ever let them know you are down and blue. Yeah it sucks. I think all this might get to the point where she will only act when she thinks you have met someone else. I don't want to say it but it is true in so many cases or stories. They want what they can't have. But you have to ask yourself when that scenario presents itself, if it ever does. Do you really want someone because you manipulated them to chase you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartoutside Posted October 20, 2007 Author Share Posted October 20, 2007 That's the wrong story storm. My ex and I lived together, but she did take forever to get her things out! I don't think she'll be coming back, even if I do start dating someone else. She'll just see it as I've moved on and she'll feel sorry for herself and not take any action. She has serious problems with reality...and hides away from the truth as much as she can by buying things she can't afford, dating guys she probably shouldn't be dating and fooling herself. AS for me, if she did come back, I don't think I would be having issue with how she came back, but rather if I could trust her or even love her again like I loved her before.....that would be the biggest hurdle. Oh and I seriously doubt she hired her friend to come over, or even asked him to come over....again, when she wants to bury her pain or what she knows is the wrong thing to do she hides it and doesn't show her cards at all. If she told our friend to come over she would be showing her cards. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartoutside Posted October 22, 2007 Author Share Posted October 22, 2007 Well I just received an evite for a halloween party this weekend, I already knew my ex had thought about going. Last we talked she still wasn't sure, but it's being given by a mutual friend of ours. I looked at the evite today and she's going and is bring 2 guests. Her reply however was "we can't wait!" So I'm assuming the "we" is her and her new guy. I'm not too sure how I should react? Be a dick, not talk to either of them, talk to just her roommate, talk to her new bf like I have no clue who he is and not talk to her at all? Any advice on that one? Well it's been 8 days of NC...I don't have any urge to contact her at all, I kind of wish I knew I would never see her again. I think that would make this so much easier. I have to go to work tonight, the first time I've had to work this job in several months and it's also where she works. I'm almost sure she works there for part of the time I'll be there and I'm actually nervous. It's odd because of the other times I've seen her I wasn't like this. Well except when we had our talk a few weeks ago. I"m not sure if my arms are shaky from my workout this morning or from nerves. If I see her it's a quick hi and bye nothing more nothing less.... man I wish she would just disappear..... Link to post Share on other sites
niceguy27 Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 I can't quite remember because you had so many posts going but is this the same ex that came into your place shortly after the break up and acted wierd. Looking around and didn't take all her belongings? Haha. That was my ex! Came over and grabbed two little things before looking in my room and commenting on me leaving a pic of us in there. Yeah, fun times. Now after her stuff is all gone she gives me this line about wanting to a "walkthrough" to make sure all her stuff is out. Havent talked to her yet but I dont plan on being there. Let her come and do it on her own. Not my problem anymore. Heart, my ex is somewhat similiar to yours. Seeing this new guy who is completely opposite of me. She pulls the strings with him. Shes become VERY selfish since shes gotten into this little mood the last few months. All about her. Deep down does she love me? Oh yeah. She knows it. She just thinks she has something to prove to herself...freedom, independance, etc. Amazing that she can see what she has but due to being so selfish she wont roll with it. I remember the back and forth you guys were doing. Stick to NC for quite a while then after you get a clear head and still feel like contacting her, you will be quite a bit stronger than now. Link to post Share on other sites
storm Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 Both of your stories creep me out. My ex is the same way, pretending she is so happy and living a lifestyle she cannot afford. Buying things that are way out of her budget and hiding from reality. Living at her dad's and not saving to move out on her own. I'm sure next she will be dating some guy that she would never date. Heart, Do you really need this job if you only work there once in a while(months)??? Please don't tell me you are holding onto this job because you will always have a way to see her. Put in your 2 weeks notice asap. You can always get the job back down the road if you leave on good terms. This would send a clear message to the ex that you don't care if you see her again. Is it really worth torturing yourself to have to see her in person? Going to the halloween party??? Kill them with kindness! Just a simple "hello". Nothing more than hello and don't start any conversations with either. Any attempts to sabatoge her relationship with AE boy will not be attractive. Do not talk trash about him to anyone, including your good friends. Keep all the thoughts to yourself. Say hello if you happen to be near them and then pretend like they aren't there(ignore). That is it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartoutside Posted October 23, 2007 Author Share Posted October 23, 2007 Well tonight I went into work as I told you guys and she was there. I only come in to build the stores fixturing, that's about the only times I work there, so around the holiday times. Anyway, I come in tonight and I run into her 3 times. Once while I'm pulling a pallet of heavy fixturing so I couldn't stop and say hi. The 2nd time while I'm walking back into the stock room, didn't say a word to her and the 3rd time when I was walking back into the stock room again with a buddie. She said hi to my buddie but didn't say a word to me. She then leaves around 6, I was schedule to be there until 10 (at least that's what she saw on the schedule), but really I was suppose to be there until 11 or midnight. At the end of the night, I check my phone and see that she sent me a text. I open it (some phones that send text messages let you know when the person opens the text) and she has a blackberry (which she can't afford!) so I know she knows I've opened it. It says, it was nice to see you. WHAT THE HELL?! I don't reply to it, but she knows I opened it. I then get home and log onto msn messenger to see if my brother is online, but about 3 months ago I got a messege from messenger telling me that my ex has added me to her MSN list. She never ever used MSN, but knows I use it all the time to talk to my brother. About 5 or 10 mins after logging in to MSN I get another text, I hope you're not mad. I'll say it again....... WHAT THE HELL?! I haven't replied and I haven't opened it. I can preview my messages without opening them (if they are short enough). I'm not going to reply. I feel good about this one. I mean you better ****ing believe I"m ****ing mad! I'm ****ing pissed! One day your telling me that you want to sleep next to me, then your saying I'm so mean sometimes, and then you're in a relationship that you annouce via f'n myspace and facebook.....who the hell does that?! I can't wait for halloween! WHY, because my costume is ****ing awesome and I always have a good ****ing time. She actually feel for me 5 halloweens ago while she was still dating the guy before me. I went as Scooba Steve's cousin, Scooba Stan....She liked my "package" in the wet suit! I'm going as another package related person this year....should be nice! I wonder what AE boy will go as? Probably a Gap sales men, or jackass maybe!? As for the job and why I don't quit. It has nothing to do with her, I was honest when I said I wish she would just vanish! The reason I keep it is because I work freelance and my slow period is when this store is the busiest. I've also been working there since college, so my pay for retail is mighty mighty mighty high. I'm actually one of the highest paid employees in that store. She doesn't rule my life and she shouldn't have control over this, or anything... Link to post Share on other sites
storm Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 "I hope you're not mad." Man is that getting old. Very proud of you. Ignore this nonsense! It will drive her even more insane if she isn't already. Oh wait she is. Be ready because she is going to be casting some more bait your way. Don't take the bait. Nothing but a trap, she doesn't want you to get away. Link to post Share on other sites
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