out of the blue, ex wants to meet up...

[heartoutside]

Ignore it....she knows what she has to say, you know what she has to say. If you don't want her as a "friend" and you can tell you aren't comfortable with that yet because of the way you reacted to her IM (weak in the knees). I don't get that feeling anymore, I did, but not anymore.

 

You can read into it, but I see it as her just being proud of something she did, it reminded her of you and what you guys used to share so she wanted to share it with you. YUP, not fair, and immature move, but she may feel that you've moved on and that maybe she can be in contact with you now.

 

But it's up to you if you want to reply. But remember, she knows what she has to say.......

[heartoutside]

So I just received another text from my ex,

 

can you at least text me back that......

 

I didn't open it so I only saw the preview. I almost did open it because I was expecting a text from my friend and thought it was her.

 

 

So what do we think the rest of the text says......

 

can you at least text me back.....

 

a: that you hate me?

b: that you don't want to talk to me?

c: that you want me to call?

d: all of the above

 

all joking aside, what does she want....?

 

My brother says she's trying to gain control of the situation....

 

Hell if I know........

 

 

OK, I opened the text, I was wrong.....

the answer is

 

can you at least text back that you're alive.

 

It kind of made me laugh, reading it. It's cute because it's so pointless and reaching for a response. If she only knew.

[storm]

Text her back that you are alive??? I think if you croaked then she'd get a call about your calling hours and funeral. No it wasn't very cute. How can she dump you, date some other guy and expect you to just be there? You must ignore this nonsense. You must drive her further insane, think of all the hell you've been through. Your brother is correct.

[Newtotheblogthing]

Oh, god, I had to reply to that.. I have used that one before... Don't reply! It will drive her insane. Seriously. She knows you aren't dead. It's killing her!!! I know from experience!! Hang tough!! TAKE STORMS ADVICE!

[hopeforlove243]

i agree, don't reply

[heartoutside]

now we get the hate text message....

 

"So not even an "I hate you".

 

I don't think she gets it, I don't hate her, I love her, but I'm not going to be her toy....is this just her childish attempt to get me to reply....by putting the hate vibe out there?

[storm]

What did the message say?

[heartoutside]

It said

 

"So not even an "I hate you""

 

Here's a question though. My brother asked me this and I didn't really think it would come to it so soon. I just go another text from her asking if she can call me.

 

What do I do or say when she calls? Or shows up at my door.... or whatever......

 

My brother said that I should tell her I need space even if she says she wants to give us another try....

 

I have no clue what I would say...I've already said what I need to say to her, and I think she's just trying to make sure I"m ok with what she's doing.....and by not replying I think she's getting the idea that I'm not.

 

If she calls do I answer?

[heartoutside]

Just so everyone knows I usually don't sit around on friday nights, but I haven't had a chance to work on my halloween get up until tonight......

 

OH AND SHE CALLED.....I didn't answer......

 

should I call back....maybe tomorrow, she works tomorrow, she didn't leave a VM she actually hung up early before she even got to VM. I could tell by the ring.

 

Any ideas?

Last time she called and I missed it, I called back when i was going out and she got mad that I had to cut the conversation short and said I could be so mean sometimes. The next day she was in a "relationship" with this dude.

 

Seems like a good enough reason not to return her call....

[hopeforlove243]

i would say don't answer her call for now, is she keeps calling you, after couple days, u can text msg her. Just see what else she is going to do, especially u already told her everything u want to say.

[heartoutside]

I told her that if she ever wants to talk, call. So I can't text, that would just seem hypocritical of me. Plus I'm going to see her tomorrow night probably with her new BF guy dude. Which is probably why she's calling to get some of the guilt of bringing him to the party off her chest. who knows...?

[hopeforlove243]

if that is the case, I would say don't answer her call till after tomorrow nite, let her feel guilty a little longer. as long as she doesn't want to come back work on your relationship, why do you care if she feels guilty or not.

[storm]

Yeah heart. I usually don't sit home on a friday night but I also was a stray kitten dumped on the highway too. It is taking me forever to return to society but someday i'll get there. You have every right to distance yourself from her.

 

I think your best option is to just remain silent until this party. See if she even brings this AE boy. If she does bring him, keep things short, a simple hello. If she doesn't bring him, still be short. Isn't it only a day away? Don't call her to have a talk. I guarantee she has nothing special to say at this point.

 

Have I been wrong up until this point???

 

Yes, expect a mixed bag of emotions if she shows up at your door. If that day comes then you must act cold towards her. Again, don't forget how she would act if you decided to dump her and date someone else.

[storm]

DO NOT TEXT HER. DO NOT RETURN HER TEXTS. DO NOT CALL HER. The party is coming very soon. You have no choice but to run into her there. It sucks that this seems like a game but she has made it into that.

[storm]

OK good. You have tricked her into calling now. Leave it at that. You always have the option to call back, a few days or a month later. But focus on your happiness at this halloween party. Be happy and very short with her there. Trust me!!!

[heartoutside]

Woke up this morning actually kind of tempted to call her back. I feel a little bad for not answering because it's not like me to just flat out ignore someone like this. It's just not in my nature and she knows that. I might call when she's at work and leave a VM, but then again, why should I?

I"m torn to be honest. The good side of me, the one that doesn't ignore people feels I should return her call, but then the other side of me feels that if I do return her call then I"m just back to playing her game and giving her the power of knowing that I'll be there for her.

 

Off to the gym

[storm]

I say ,now is not the time to call her back. If she has something special to talk about then i'm sure she will pull you aside at this party you will be at. I'm too worried this will be a repeat of the dinner you had arranged while back, when she backed out. When is this party for the second time?

[Rowen]

This situation sounds familiar to me. Besides the party. Everything is the same essentially. My my ex texted me asking about my job.. i ignored it for two days, then she texted again saying "perposly ignoring me?"

 

Give it time every time she contacts you is my advice. I totally know where you're coming from when you want to text her back becuase you don't want to ignore her. I'm the same way. And I fear that if I ignore her like that shel just resent me and not want me back at all. Maybe it's me giving in but I reccomend to continue light contact. Be clear, honest but very short and put no emotion into your texts or calls etc... just be cold faced. If she tries to antagonize.. don't take the bait.

 

ugh

[heartoutside]

The party is tonight and I have to say my custome is coming together very nicely. I thought this costume up before we broke up but forgot about it until I was in south america about 3 months ago. It's actually one of my ex's favorite SNL characters, so we'll see what her reaction is....

[heartoutside]

Well last night was a mess kind of. My costume was off the hook and everyone loved it, won best costume! But my ex showed up, with her roommate and her new bf. The funny thing is, I talked to her roommate a lot through out the night, she and I got along like nothing had ever happened. I couldn't play that role with my ex. She basically stayed on the other side of the room the whole night, with her BF who had the dumbest outfit ever, a football player w/o the pads.

 

At one point I went out in the back yard to have a smoke by myself and my friend came down and we talked a little while. And while I was outside I got a text from my ex, "say hi"

 

What the hell, say hi to who, her bf. Hell no....I'm not going to go out of my way to say hi....

 

Another bad thing kind of happened earlier. I was outside on the deck having a smoke with 2 of my friends. I went inside to go to the bathroom but left my beer outside. I get out of the bathroom and walk back outside and I see that my ex and her bf are smoking out there now, so I open the sliding door and I ask my friend to hand me my beer. She does and then this new BF starts trying to joke around with me, I don't even know what he said, but I just grab my beer and in the middle of him talking to me I slide the door shut and walk away.

 

Walking home later that night my buddie says to me "cheers to giving dude the cold shoulder!" And I ask "how the hell did you know about that?" He wasn't on the deck and didn't see it happen. I guess my ex came up to him during the night and told him about it and asked what's going on.

 

I also found out that the night before when my ex called me and I didn't answer, she called our best friend right after. The same girl who had the party last night, and wanted to know why everyone hated her new BF. My friend replied by saying, "I've never said I hated NAME. Why do you think that?" I guess my ex said she doesn't think everyone hates him, but he does (I think that's what she said). So my friend asked why does he think that, and my ex replied because I told him that everyone hates him! WHO SAYS THAT?

 

 

OH one other thing that was odd, another friend of mine was taking polaroid pictures of everyone through out the night. At one point, again while I was outside having a smoke, my friend takes a picture of my ex and her BF and the whole time they're posing for the picture, my friend told me that my ex kept looking outside at me, and looked very awk in the picture. But whatever.........

 

 

Now I feel like contact my ex! It sucks....I need to fight it, I doubt now she'll contact me at all. NOw I really think it's done. I don't see anything happening any time soon, and I think that will help me move on finally!

 

Oh I forgot to add that my ex didn't show up this morning for a company meeting we had. Not like her at all. I"m sure she drank too much and is barfin her head off!

[hopeforlove243]

You did good, you should be proud of yourself. And don't call her at all, maybe you can take this as a closure and move one. I find it is hard for me to move on cause I don't have a closure

[storm]

Your ex might not contact you at all??? Ha Ha. Please don't make me laugh. This wacko isn't going to stop. I mean, why would she even bother bringing some AE guy to this party. I'm sure she had other places she could have gone in order to respect your feelings but all this is just rude. I know you aren't in high school but if I just dropped in and read the last page only, I'd kind of think that. What is this girls deal? I could swear that you are the dumper and she is the dumpee, but that isn't the case. You didn't break up and hurt her. But she finds it ok to break up with you, crush your heart, and immediately start dating some guy. Then bring this guy to some party so she can show him off. This girl has no class. Sorry if you have feelings for her but she needs to have some respect. Yes the circle of friends thing makes this difficult but she didn't have to bring this kid. I'm sure she could live one night without bringing him with her. She knows how you feel, remember not long ago when you spilled your guts? So why no respect for your feelings????

 

I don't think very highly of my ex but I know she wouldn't do this to me. Just to give you something to compare your ex to.

 

I think you handled yourself very well. I do think you should have at least said "hello" to her and AE boy but you can't change the past. Not saying anything was probably good too because she doesn't know what you are thinking now. I myself know I couldn't stand to see my ex bring some guy with her to a party. I would have probably just left early or never went. Mad props for toughing this out.

 

Where do you go from here?? I'd say continue to move forward. There is no reason to contact this girl right now. She has a so-called boyfriend or whatever you want to call him. This is what she chooses. Plus, something just isn't right with her head.

[heartoutside]

I don't think she'll be contacting me. I don't see why she would?

 

The whole reason she brought this AE kid to the party was because she wants him to fit in with this group of friends. But I don't think it will happen, not now and not for a long time.

 

Everyone is starting to see what she's done to me, and knows what she's doing even if she isn't aware of it herself. I'm not really sure why this kid didn't bring one of his buddies to the party? Why just show up with your GF and her roommate where you know you'll be totally uncomfortable and no one will want to talk to you.

 

I can't stop thinking about that party though, it's driving me insane! I don't know how anyone can act like she did. I mean who in their right mind sends their ex BF who they know is still in love with them a text saying "say hi" ???? How could she do that to me?

 

And as for being a dick to the AE kid, to be honest, I just didn't want to talk to him and the fact that he thought he could joke around with me makes me think my ex isn't telling him anything, or is lie'n to him about our situation.

 

I don't know what to think anymore, I wish I could just push her away, get her away and move on, but some how she keeps coming back.....

 

One part of me wants her to send me a text or something, then the other part of me just wants nothing to do with her......

[storm]

I promise you this girl isn't going to stop. You have said she wouldn't contact you before.

 

Part of why she keeps coming around is that you keep putting yourself in situations where you know she will be. Such as keeping the old job or going to parties. I know you shouldn't let her affect what you do but sometimes you have to avoid certain things to spare yourself more heartache.

 

I know it is rough. Part of you loves the girl and the other part sort of hates her.

 

You have to look at No contact as your only way to sanity and happiness. If she realizes you are the guy for her then she will come back whether you talk to her or not. Let her little rebound thing fall apart on it's own. Ignoring her isn't going to make her hate you. Your pride should be more important at this point.

[heartoutside]

I don't think she will call, text or anything. And I don't think she'll date this guy for a short period, I'm sure they'll date for a while (she's dated everyone else except me for 2 years or less, me she dated for almost 4). I don't know why I'm having such a hard time just letting go, after everything she's done to me these past 4 months. What's sad is i know I'll find someone and as soon as I do, my ex will be a distant memory. I"ve been through this before (although not as hard as this, but a break up, found a new girl and forgot about the old).

 

I guess I"m just one of those people that wants to believe that it's impossible for someone to act like this. I mean who in their right mind would send a text in the middle of a party telling them to say hi. I can't get over that, it's just so insane!!! All of this just seems to go against the whole idea I've always had about loving someone....

 

Blah.....