I have breast cancer

[bigheartkindsoul]

I only wanted to offer ((((((hugs))))) and to say hi.

 

I run the Race for Life here in the UK everyyear and give money each month to Cancer research because Cancer has touched my family and my friends so much.

 

And seems like you had some fun the other night, love 80's music.

[dbtmarley]

LB,

 

Been away for a few, just wanted to tell you I like your spirit.

Hang tough girl....

[littlekitty]

Hey LB,

 

I just headed back here, after a long sabbatical. I was shocked to hear your news and have spent the last couple of days reading the thread from start to finish.

 

I just wanted to add my best wishes and prayers to all the others. You've been a wonderful source of help to so many on this site, and are so appreciated for your words and wonderful sense of humour.

 

Keep fighting the fight.

[DazedandConfused66]

Another example of how we don't have preventative health care, but from an oncologist who my aunt used to date, they can be like any other salesman. He told her he hoped to get more patients before the holidays to make more money, at which point my aunt got disgusted and broke up with him.

 

Yeah, that's kind of sick. On the other hand, my wife's surgical oncologist actually brought over a huge casserole that his WIFE made for my family and I. We had never met him prior to her diagnosis, and now are good friends with the both of them. I was floored.....there may be some bad docs out there but there are also some absolutely stellar ones. We feel truly blessed to have had him here for all of my wife's treatment. Where we get her treatments, the docs work as a "team," so the surgical oncologist, the radiation specialists, the chemo guy...they all review my wife's case as a team. We still get phone calls from a couple of them each month just checking in on her welfare. I'd rather have this than socialized health care personally.

 

All the pharmaceutical companies that sell chemo medication prefer someone have cancer so they can make some more dividends on their stocks by increasing profits. There's no reason why ALL breast exams shoud not be MRIs other than money at the cost of lives.

 

Unfortunately, there is more truth to that statement than you realize. I truly believe that the US govt needs to intervene to eliminate the number of insurance companies who have pharm execs on their boards, and vice versa. I've seen enough of collusion between the two, and heard it directly from docs whom I trust and who actively WANT to see the system changed, to realize that cancer treatment is a business to the pharm companies.

 

Thankfully, we have good insurance. But I about lost my lunch when my wife needed her first booster of procrit during chemo. It costs $3500 a SHOT. That's insane.

[DazedandConfused66]

Hey LB, I see you are about to go thru the chemo consults. That means your first treatment is now just a week or so away.

 

If I could, let me make a couple of minor recommendations, assuming you get some choices offered to you?

 

1) When they talk about scheduling your chemo visits, they will want to keep them more or less evenly spaced (assuming your health holds and you don't need a break). If you get the choice, choose a treatment in late afternoon. The reason is simple....chemo saps your strength. If you can get a late afternoon one, however, you just come home, feel worn out and go to bed. That helps with depression as a) you go to bed when you should be going to bed and b) late afternoon cycles tend to not rob you of daylight hours where you'll feel tired and WANT to lie down. You will want to enjoy the daylight as much as you can, esp with winter upon us.

 

2) As chemo progresses, each treatment will sap you more than the prior. While none will feel good, the first couple really just make you kinda tired. The last few, however, are doozies. Consider this when looking at your "life stuff" schedule for the next few months. If you've got some plans for attending a holiday party or whatever (and Yes...you should because Yes.....you WILL be able to because Yes....chemo and cancer can't take your lifestyle unless you let it), try to pick a schedule that gives you at least 48 and preferably 72 hours of recovery time from last chemo to that particular date. And I'm sincere about not suspending life during this....really, my wife did almost all the normal holiday party stuff (we toned it down a bit maybe) during chemo. You just have to realize that it's a cycle of treatment-downtime-getting back to normal-treatment-longer downtime, etc. Within a few days of each treatment, you'll feel OK...maybe not your best, but certainly OK. So don't cancel everything just because you have chemo. Of course, the TYPE and SCHEDULE of treatment will modify my above comments slightly.

 

3) You mentioned doing radiation and chemo simultaneously? Wow...tough chick. That's kinda hard on the body. Make sure you discuss this with your radiation and chemo oncologists thoroughly. It can be done, but not many patients do so as, between the two, chemo needs to run it's course completely and uninterrupted. So they don't like to do anything that may hinder your chemo treatment schedule. Radiation doesn't really hurt....except for the skin issues (like a minor to really bad constant sunburn). But it DOES sap you, worse than chemo sometimes. At any rate, make sure you explore all options...I understand just wanting to plow thru them, but don't put yourself into a position where you end up delaying one treatment because you are taxed from the other. It's hard to be patient during this stuff, but it is a virtue.

 

Good luck with your consults....please let me know if you've any questions I can answer.

[LucreziaBorgia]

You mentioned doing radiation and chemo simultaneously? Wow...tough chick.

 

Ohhhhhh..... no. Not that tough. I just have both consults this week. The radiation won't start until after chemo is over, and the second surgery has healed up some. I could not imagine doing them both at the same time!

 

Your post was exactly what I needed to read today. I'm nervous about what to expect. Not really scared anymore. Just not sure what to expect. I guess I will know more by the end of this week. Both consults are going to take two hours, but I'm not sure why. Maybe more tests? Paperwork? Not sure. I haven't called yet, but I probably will this afternoon.

 

How are you and your family doing today? Is your wife healing up ok?

[DazedandConfused66]

LOL...well I'm still quite impressed by you, but that would have put you into the Superwoman category for sure.

 

I may have linked to it before, but I really love the breastcancer.org "treatment for dummies" sections. It helped me a bunch in trying to be a better patient advocate for my wife. Check out their step-by-step stuff on what to expect from chemo. Just realize that everyone is different. My wife held up quite well (she was on a dose-dense treatment cycle for chemo...every 2 weeks with lots of boosters to keep up her immune system) until about the 10-week mark. Then she was really fighting the after-effects of each successive treatment. But for the first 2 months, she handled it very well.

 

It's really important I think for you to sit down with a calendar after your consults and map out your treatments to the dates. You'll know after consult whether you will be on a 2 or 3 week cycle. Once you've mapped those, mark off at least the 72 hours after each one...again, every woman is different. You may need a week to recover from each one, or less than that. But that will allow you to "schedule" your lifestyle in around the treatment schedule. Personally, I'd love to know you actual treatment cycle so I can keep up with you...I'd be happy to give you my email account if you'd like. Or post your schedule here and we can ALL deliver virtual casseroles of support...which, trust me, will likely taste BETTER virtually than most of us can provide PHYSICALLY.

 

Also, is your MIL still around to help? Invite her to go with you to your consults...give her a notebook to take notes for you. Write out your questions beforehand and have her be custodian of them to ensure you get everything asked and get answers to everything you do ask. These consults can be a bit emotional and overwhelming and it's helpful to have backup to be your memory. Speaking of which...be sure you are prepared to deal with "chemo-brain." This isn't discussed very often as a side effect, but something like 75% of all patients suffer a temporary short-term memory loss during chemo. My wife got in the habit of spending time every morning journaling and making out to-do lists for the day. Otherwise, she'd forget things. The little DS we bought her with the Brain Age game seemed to really help. But crossword puzzles, to-do lists, Soduku games....all that stuff seems to help you keep your mental acuity on point thru the process. My wife jokes the reason she lost her memory was because the absence of hair didn't keep it in anymore. God bless her sense of humor.

 

RE: Wifey...she's doing OK. The surgery itself is remarkable...even just a few weeks out and the scars and all the terrible bruising are looking normal. And speaking of scars....omg this guy was talented. Her new breast, although it certainly looks different, shows very little scarring already...more of a fine line than anything. But my wife developed a secondary infection and that has kept her on lots of anti-biotics and bedrest. We've no family in the area ourselves, so I've been very thankful for the assistance of our friends and support network. With a 3 year old in the kid mix, the toughest thing has been trying to keep him from molesting mom...she really needs her rest and to keep her body non-stressed. But she will be fine. Thanks for asking.

 

Don't be scared LB. While it's OK to be, and understandable, you will get thru this phase just fine. I'm positive of that. Get your plan together and you'll fell a LOT less apprehensive about this. Something about seeing it as a task list, with dates, makes it less threatening. Worked for us anyways....hope it does for you also.

 

Always here.....let me know if I can help.

[DazedandConfused66]

Both consults are going to take two hours, but I'm not sure why. Maybe more tests? Paperwork? Not sure. I haven't called yet, but I probably will this afternoon.

 

Oh almost forgot to mention....

 

Your chemo consult will take longer than the radiation one likely. The 2 hour window is more than likely a buffer for your waiting room time. Sigh. I hate that part. But in the chemo consult, they will do a mini-physical, take blood, etc. The reason why is they want a "baseline" read of your body. Every single chemo thereafter, they do the same thing. That's how they measure your overall reaction to treatments. Get used to needles....ugh.

 

Oh and the chemo sessions themselves can be very short (an hour or less) or several hours. Again, it depends on your particular treatment. They will go over all of this in your consultation, show you how it works, explain side-effects, introduce you to nursing staff who will administer the drugs, etc. Sounds silly....but ask to see the chairs they will seat you in during the treatments. My wife found them to be VERY uncomfortable and so we brought in some extra pillows and a small lumbar thing for her first and subsequent visits. You'll be piloting that chair for awhile, so may as well get used to it.

[LucreziaBorgia]

In about an hour and a half, I will be leaving for my radiation consult. I am nervous, particularly about that physical. I'm so afraid that they will find some more cancer, or some different cancer (the idea of lung cancer terrifies me - my grandmother died from it, despite the fact that she had never smoked a single cigarette in her life and she died a terrible death). I already know I have cancer. The idea of walking in there with one, and walking out with more does not appeal to me.

 

I guess I'll get to see my chest port in action today. I guess they will flush the line and take blood from my port instead of sticking me. It is sort of gross, but fascinating all the same.

[DazedandConfused66]

Good luck at the radiation consult LB. They really shouldn't be running any tests on you today.....just get your blood pressure, weight....that kind of stuff. Again, just getting some baseline measurements.

 

Most of the radiation consult often gets into diet and exercise discussions as radiation saps your energy. They should talk to you about skin care also as that's the biggest side effect...make sure you ask about ointments and such. Like I said...it's not that different from a really bad sunburn, but it lasts longer.

 

Good luck and keep us posted!

[JamesM]

LB, just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you. Like many here, I read your thread every day...more than once. If I could be there in person and be a listener for you, I would. I guess that I can do some of that by being here.

 

I hope everything goes well. Your fears are normal, but that does not make them any easier.

 

Please keep us updated. We are definitely here for you. Give yourself a hug from me.

[LucreziaBorgia]

It was a breeze today. A lot of 'sit and wait'. Standard blood tests, physical exam, lots of questions, watched a video of the process. They set a tentative appointment for April, but they really won't know a start date until I get my chemo schedule on Thursday. The Thursday appointment will be a little more in depth. That one is a little scarier to me.

 

Eh... either way, I'm just ready to get started at this point. The days leading up to treatment are agonizing.

[goxcrazy19]

Im so sorry to hear that. I lost my mother 8 years ago,she passed away.she had breast cancer and did the biggest mistake of her life,she didnt go for surgery.I know how hard it is for you and your family,and i see how strong you are.Wish you all the best sweetie.

Jana

[dropdeadlegs]

I have had three mammograms. My first was at age 30 when my GYN found a lump. Since then I had one at age 40 and at age 42. Every time I was called back for something suspicious. I admit that I now expect to be called back a second time and do not experience the fear I did upon the first call back. I have dense breast tissue. So does my 18 year old daughter. I have lumpiness that is "normal" for me at certain cycle points. I get a pretty major lump (actually an enlarged lymph node that sits on my breast wall) every month and it is tender for about a week prior to my period. The day I start, it miraculously disappears.

 

The point is, that I KNOW my body. I only know it because I give myself an exam weekly, not monthly as recommended. Actually I examine my breasts almost daily (overkill, but I weigh myself obsessively, too.)

 

October is annual breast awareness month, but EVERY month should be designated as such.

 

That said, LB, I'm still here feeling your every thought. I have always had faith that my BF would stand by me, yet now find myself wondering if he would. I'm not liking the wondering. We aren't married and have recently moved in together. I have no medical insurance, but have access to coverage similar to yours through the Avon foundation. At least they cover my pap smears and mammograms.

 

 

While I didn't have cancer, I felt much like you during my last divorce. I was 38 years old with four kids and lots of bills and wondered how I would ever find a man willing to take that on. The bills were the easy part and one child grew up and left my home. I felt old and full of baggage. Many men were interested in dating me, but who would take on the baggage? I had to weed through a few, but I found a perfect man willing to take me and the three remaing children on. My second oldest just moved out, but is welcome back if thata doen't work out, and my man has one daughter (18) living with her mother. We can take everyone on full time if needed. My other two children are just 6 and 9.

 

I want you to know that there will be someone for you, too. He will show up when you least expect it. I know, that's what we all say, but it's true.

 

My heart is with you every day. Lately I've had some rough; well, less than ideal; days and this thread has kept things in perspective. I feel I should thank you for that perspective.

 

May today be a good one for you.

[dropdeadlegs]

Oh boy. There was another page of posts priorto my last one.

 

I'm happy to hear that your appts. have been going well.

 

LB, you continue to amaze me. I really wish that I could be of more support to you. I'm good at that kind of stuff.

[DazedandConfused66]

I may be getting forgetful and already posted this once, but it bears repeating regardless.....

 

For those of you who have either scheduled a mammogram and/or urged a loved one to do the same partially or directly as a result of this thread, my wife and I thank you dearly. There is no greater show of support you can offer someone fighting this than getting yourself checked out. Early detection is factually the BEST form of treatment option available to you. Breast cancer doesn't need to be as devastating as it is and can be fought very effectively if caught early. And once you've experienced you, you do NOT want to watch someone else go thru this if it could have been averted or lessened via early detection.

 

From my wife and I both, thank you for getting a mammogram. It makes me personally feel like I've done something to fight the bastitch when I hear others join in the battle.

[whichwayisup]

The point is, that I KNOW my body. I only know it because I give myself an exam weekly, not monthly as recommended. Actually I examine my breasts almost daily (overkill, but I weigh myself obsessively, too.)

 

This is exactly why I will continue to self examine myself weekly so I KNOW what my changes are in my boobs weekly, monthly and if something feels different I know I can see my Dr.

 

Thanks for the update LB, I'm glad the appt's went well!

[LucreziaBorgia]

Well, the chemo consult is today. I will be so glad to have dates, times etc. for starting this process. I am actually looking forward to the head shaving. My daughter wants to make a video with her Mac stuff and put it up on YouTube. That should be a trip.

 

On a somewhat unrelated note, I'm still struggling. All of this happening at once is surreal. I think that getting into the chemo and dealing with that will take my mind off of other stuff. At least I hope so. You know its pretty bad when you would prefer chemo to heartbreak.

 

I was doing some thinking this morning. I have been reading all of these uplifting and inspirational stories of courage and healing. Women powerlunching at Nordstrom's together sharing their experiences. Women retreating to Zen monasteries to heal inside and out. Women climbing mountains, running marathons, women surrounded by loved ones, women who are thankful for their well paying jobs and insurance. I went to check my account this morning, and I have less than 25 dollars in there, and my direct deposit from work won't go through until midnight - and even then, I'm only getting 60% of my pay during medical leave. I will be bringing in a weeks worth of money at less than minimum wage. I had some savings, but I spent all of my savings so far on "self pay" payments that you have to pay when you don't have insurance, regardless of whether medicaid is pending. I wonder how many of those courageous women ever had to face going to a chemo consult with less than 25 dollars to their name? How many fell asleep at night praying that the medicaid will come through? I feel so frustrated and alone in this. Whine, whine, whine... I know. Just blowing off steam.

[coco_milkshake]

Its great that you are blowing off steam LB. You are very inspiring and I am pleased that you are trying to remain positive. I always check this thread and have been following your progress closely.

 

I know its not easy, but you are still hanging on when others wouldve probably broken down by now. Thats what makes you unique and admirable. Keep marching on. We are all behind you!

[DazedandConfused66]

Well, the chemo consult is today. I will be so glad to have dates, times etc. for starting this process.

 

For us, having a chemo schedule mapped helped TREMENDOUSLY. After all those weeks/months of just waiting and surgery and such, it was such a relief to get started on the curative part of the treatment. I hope you'll find it emotionally healing to start the plan. Good luck at the consult and don't forget to check out the chair!!!!

 

We have pictures of my wife "going bald." For her, she had very thick and long hair. So the first thing she did was get a pixie cut when it started clumping out. Then that got shorter. Then shaved. This happened over maybe 2 weeks. At the time, she was just trying to hang onto it as long as she could.

 

We were fortunate in that we had good insurance to defray the costs. But I know many women who haven't been so fortunate. And while there are social programs to help, there are also several private programs out there. Have you checked in with the Susan B. Komen foundation? They have many programs to offer assistance with medical costs. And since it's private, it's not the same as going thru governmental red tape for payment assistance. Could I offer you any assistance in making connections there?

[Fun2BMe]

Maybe you can do some research to find something to allow you to work out of your home to make some extra money, that's not physically and mentally too demanding. It would be a good distraction too.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Maybe you can do some research to find something to allow you to work out of your home to make some extra money, that's not physically and mentally too demanding. It would be a good distraction too.

 

My exH is throwing some work my way on a few websites, logos and stuff like that. It will certainly help.

 

Ok, I had the chemo consult today. Here is what is going to happen.

 

I will receive 6 rounds of chemo, 1 every three weeks. For 8-10 days

after each treatment, I will be getting daily shots of a medicine

(Neupogen) that will boost my bone marrow and help to make white blood

cells so that I won't be so vulnerable to infections. This will not

stop infections, but certainly will reduce the chance of it.

 

The chemo regimen that I am on is Taxotere, Adriamycin, and Cytoxan.

 

My doctor says that this one is a very strong one, and the side

effects are expected to be moderate to severe. I can honestly say that

I would rather suffer bad side effects rather than the alternative.

 

On November 15th, I am scheduled for an ECG to make sure my heart can

handle this treatment. My first day of chemo is on November 19th.

[White Flower]

Hi LB,

both of my family members who recently went through chemo and radiation therapies had no nausea whatsover thanks to the new anti-nausea medications. I don't remember what their chemo cocktails were, but they were lucky for not being nausious. One of them lost no hair at all, except eyebrows and the other only lost the pepper of the salt n pepper hair! I wish you the very best.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I will be getting the anti nausea drugs just prior to the chemo drip, so that will be helpful indeed. The oncologist told me that I would definitely be losing my hair with this treatment, and that I can expect mouth sores, nausea, GI problems, and probably some nerve damage.

 

That I can handle. The alternative? Let's just say I would rather have the side effects.

[KenzieAbsolutely]

I will be getting the anti nausea drugs just prior to the chemo drip, so that will be helpful indeed. The oncologist told me that I would definitely be losing my hair with this treatment, and that I can expect mouth sores, nausea, GI problems, and probably some nerve damage.

 

That I can handle. The alternative? Let's just say I would rather have the side effects.

 

i can only hope that if i am one day stricken with illness, i have the same courage and positive outlook you do. i am sure you are a beacon of hope to so very many, and you probably don't even realize it. rock on and kick this thing's ass, LB.