Are extramarital affairs really that bad?

[Cliche]

I think it is a misdemeanor crime in some states but it is almost never prosecuted - why I don't know.

 

Because it occurs so often that the prosecutors wouldn't have time to prosecute any other, more offensive crimes.

 

Listen, I DO NOT condone affairs (even though I'm in one...yes, I'm aware I'm the hypocrite). I would advise any one considering an affair to run far far away. But, realistically, affairs occur so frequently because of the seemingly contradictory nature of relationships and human nature. When over half of the population has engaged in some sort of extramarital affair, it becomes ridiculous to make it a crime. Okay, fine, keep it stigmatized if you like, but the idea of criminal sanctions for an action the majority of citizens do is ridiculous. And not worth the legal or criminal resources of our states, I might add.

[woe_is_me]

I have no idea about what he had to lose... i've been told from his position and family circumstances that i'm lucky to still be alive... how romantic...

[Tomcat33]

BTW..... I have to wonder if the OW/OM is hurting as much as the BS in many cases. Or has the potential to be as hurt if real feelings are involved.

 

Wow I guess you haven't read enough of the posts on here in the OW/Om forum. I can assure you that the OW/Om are feeling the exact amount of pain as the BSs, for different reasons as the BS but you see especially after an OP finds out that the cheater will not go through with the plans and promises that they were promised they feel the exact same amount of betrayal and feeling of shattered dreams. And compound that with the idea that when an OP finds this out they are in the midst of the falling in love stage of the rel, or in the midst of the honeymoon. Where as some of the BS were in a cool off periods with their spouses while the A happened. That is not to say it doens't hurt the BS it SURE DOES, but when you are full on head over heels in love and can only think, breath, talk, your partner and they skip out on you, it is extremely traumatic.

[Herzen]

As for criminalizing infidelity, Iran, under Islamic law (Sharia), has resumed stoning to death convicted adulterers. There, the adulterer's arms are bound, he/she is buried to the waist and the stoning ensues. I guess they aim for the head, and the "stonee" prays that s/he gets knocked-out quickly.

 

Does the punishment fit the "crime"?

 

There are many worse things under the Sun than infidelity.

[Tomcat33]

As for criminalizing infidelity, Iran, under Islamic law (Sharia), has resumed stoning to death convicted adulterers. There, the adulterer's arms are bound, he/she is buried to the waist and the stoning ensues. I guess they aim for the head, and the "stonee" prays that s/he gets knocked-out quickly.

 

 

i think I will have nightmares for a very long time thanks to the mental image left from this comment.

 

In Iran if the a couple gets a divorce the man automatically gets full custody of the children as well. I wonder how may men stay in the marriage for the children there...well to not have to care for them full time that is... :laugh:

[outofdarkness]

I think it is a misdemeanor crime in some states but it is almost never prosecuted - why I don't know.

 

I do know that in a lot of countries, though, it is a crime. In South Korea, for example, people regularly get jailed for adultery. In Japan, a person can not only sue their spouse for adultery, they can also sue the other man/woman. There were foreigners there who got sued for messing around with married women, and they had to pay anywhere from $20,000-$50,000. Would've been cheaper to get a hooker.

Wow..thanks for the info...It's very interesting to know how adultery is handled by the legal system in other countries...

[EnigmaXOXO]

Wow..thanks for the info...It's very interesting to know how adultery is handled by the legal system in other countries...

 

Yes, it IS interesting ... since historically it’s been women who’ve been punished for the offense having always been considered “property” of our male dominated societies.

 

Here’s the rest of the truth ...

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adultery

[a4a]

yeah we are all at work and if you don't have time to debate then maybe you should not be putting thoughts out here...just a thought

Anyway no prob, thought you were being a smarty pants and returned your post in kind

 

Ok so you say a crime is that of which a person is causing potential or real harm to others and being aware that you are doing so.

 

I think that's where we part company, and why I asked you to define the crime. What you described is not a crime, it is a moral judgement call. In other words it could be deemed wrong but it is not a crime.

 

So going back to your bank robbery example there are two people committing a crime VS two people enganging in a morally wrong situation. that's why I don't think the punishment is considered that same.

But the only one breaking a law is the cheating spouse, the law of marriage.

 

 

Laws are based on morals. Why is it illegal to commit or attempt suicide? Stupid stupid law in my view.

 

If you help someone commit suicide in this country it is a crime. Ask Dr. K about that.

 

And actually it is still a felony to commit adultery in some states.

 

Please keep in mind I don't really care who is cheating on who or why. It does not involve me- so I don't care. No need to be defensive with me. I could care less if you are having an A with your own brother. But really there is no reason to start a personal attack on any poster while discussing any issue. It is actually a "crime" to do so on LS.

 

I am Simply having a conversation and looking at a topic from different angles.

 

It is my opinion that if you are knowingly participating in an A, and people are hurt from your actions, it makes you just as responsible for causing harm to other as the MW/MM.

[Lizzie60]

As for criminalizing infidelity, Iran, under Islamic law (Sharia), has resumed stoning to death convicted adulterers. There, the adulterer's arms are bound, he/she is buried to the waist and the stoning ensues. I guess they aim for the head, and the "stonee" prays that s/he gets knocked-out quickly.

 

Does the punishment fit the "crime"?

 

There are many worse things under the Sun than infidelity.

 

some people are crazy in other parts of the world... In some not so civilized countries... it is the father who initiates his daugther to sex...

[whichwayisup]

It is my opinion that if you are knowingly participating in an A, and people are hurt from your actions, it makes you just as responsible for causing harm to other as the MW/MM.

 

Excellent point and I don't think anyone can disagree with that.

 

I think it is a misdemeanor crime in some states but it is almost never prosecuted - why I don't know.

 

I do know that in a lot of countries, though, it is a crime. In South Korea, for example, people regularly get jailed for adultery. In Japan, a person can not only sue their spouse for adultery, they can also sue the other man/woman. There were foreigners there who got sued for messing around with married women, and they had to pay anywhere from $20,000-$50,000. Would've been cheaper to get a hooker.

 

Funny, I was going to post the same thing, but I saw you posted it first. Depends on the Country, religion and their views/rules/laws...I know in China it's illegal to chew gum!

[Tomcat33]

Laws are based on morals. Why is it illegal to commit or attempt suicide? Stupid stupid law in my view.

 

If you help someone commit suicide in this country it is a crime. Ask Dr. K about that.

 

And actually it is still a felony to commit adultery in some states.

 

Please keep in mind I don't really care who is cheating on who or why. It does not involve me- so I don't care. No need to be defensive with me. I could care less if you are having an A with your own brother. But really there is no reason to start a personal attack on any poster while discussing any issue. It is actually a "crime" to do so on LS.

 

I am Simply having a conversation and looking at a topic from different angles.

 

It is my opinion that if you are knowingly participating in an A, and people are hurt from your actions, it makes you just as responsible for causing harm to other as the MW/MM.

 

 

Please point out where there was a personal attack?!?!

[whichwayisup]

Seeing as grammar does not appear to be one of your strengths, let me reask the question and bold the parts that you clearly missed.

 

This seems like an example. Unfortunately we're all guilty of little pot-shots every now and then.

[Tomcat33]

This seems like an example. Unfortunately we're all guilty of little pot-shots every now and then.

 

 

I asked him:

 

What's the crime exactly? Let's define the crime.

 

 

 

And he responded:

 

 

NOUN:

 

An act committed or omitted in violation of a law forbidding or commanding it and for which punishment is imposed upon conviction.

Unlawful activity: statistics relating to violent crime.

A serious offense, especially one in violation of morality.

An unjust, senseless, or disgraceful act or condition: It's a crime to squander our country's natural resources

 

He took a pot-shot first. So if you are going to point out code of conduct shouldn't you make sure to follow it yoruself first?

[whichwayisup]

a4a is a woman...lol!

[a4a]

I am not a HE.... but that really doesn't matter.

[Tomcat33]

a4a is a woman...lol!

 

:laugh: irrelevant

 

if you are going to throw code of conduct around may want to keep the sarcastic attacking posts to yourself. If you wanna play fair that is...

[a4a]

 

He took a pot-shot first. So if you are going to point out code of conduct shouldn't you make sure to follow it yoruself first?

 

I concur!

 

But like I said I am not taking this personal.... very interesting to see the views from the side of the MM/MW and OW/OM......

 

This happens to interest me very much at this time as I have been made into an accomplice of sorts recently to a friends A.

[Tomcat33]

I concur!

 

But like I said I am not taking this personal.... very interesting to see the views from the side of the MM/MW and OW/OM......

 

This happens to interest me very much at this time as I have been made into an accomplice of sorts recently to a friends A.

 

 

cool glad you can see where you've initiate something that was totally unecessary. I am just as guilty for continuing it but please don't throw rules around if you can't follow them yourself.

 

as if someone wouldn't know what "crime" means? :laugh: puuuuhleeease!

[whichwayisup]

I asked him:

 

What's the crime exactly? Let's define the crime.

 

 

 

And he responded:

 

 

NOUN:

 

An act committed or omitted in violation of a law forbidding or commanding it and for which punishment is imposed upon conviction.

Unlawful activity: statistics relating to violent crime.

A serious offense, especially one in violation of morality.

An unjust, senseless, or disgraceful act or condition: It's a crime to squander our country's natural resources

 

He took a pot-shot first. So if you are going to point out code of conduct shouldn't you make sure to follow it yoruself first?

 

How is that a pot-shot? It was a quote, not a personal attack upon you. It was the meaning of crime, which a4a copied and pasted from the net.

[Tomcat33]

How is that a pot-shot? It was a quote, not a personal attack upon you. It was the meaning of crime, which a4a copied and pasted from the net.

 

 

I guess you have difficulties with grammar as well.

And that's a fact not an attack.

 

Go back and read what I asked HER and see if what she responded was right.

 

Please don't waste any more of my time on this it is not rocket science

[whichwayisup]

I guess you have diffuculties with grammar as well.

 

???? lol.

 

TC, noone goes around pointing out your spelling mistakes and mis-use of words. Earlier you wrote complainy instead of complain. If you're going to do this, be prepared for it be thrown back in your face.

[Tomcat33]

???? lol.

 

TC, noone goes around pointing out your spelling mistakes and mis-use of words. Earlier you wrote complainy instead of complain. If you're going to do this, be prepared for it be thrown back in your face.

 

I agree I OFTEN type atrociously because I could not be bothered to cut my text, spell check it and repaste it. because when you repaste it it ends up with all this html crap on it. And I am often too lazy to re-read before I hit send...I type really fast and carelessly sometimes NO ONE is disputing that.

 

HOWEVER as I just explained to a4a in a PM because she felt the need to contact me privately about this, my typos don't result in a sarcastic belittling and insulting post, well some may be insulted by my typos but it's not intended to offend anyone.

 

When she copies the meaning of a word from the dictionary for me, that even my 3 yr old nephew knows the meaning to, that's beyond saracasm that is just plain old insulting. So if you wanna play like that don't point out to me that personal attacks on LS are considered a crime, lead by example and that's that. OR play dirty but take the jabs back when they are thrown at you.

 

For the record, do you two realise just how much time we have wasted on this pettiness that could have been avoided had a4a just responded to my intial question with a relevant answer as opposed to an insult that totally threw the debate off track? Not to mention she is the one reminding ME about code of conduct on LS? :lmao:

 

don't make me laugh.

[Herzen]

This seems like an example. Unfortunately we're all guilty of little pot-shots every now and then.

 

Who? Me? No way, woman.

[OpenBook]

For the record, do you two realise just how much time we have wasted on this pettiness that could have been avoided had a4a just responded to my intial question with a relevant answer as opposed to an insult that totally threw the debate off track?

 

Tomcat, I don't think she meant to insult you. As I was skimming thru this thread, that was my first impression of your post as well - that you were asking for the definition of the word "crime." I had to reread thru that part of the thread a couple times to get the drift.

 

And from what I've read of a4a's posts, she's not an angry troller or anything like that. Actually some of her comments are quite hilarious!

 

Back to the point (I think? defining the crime in this situation -- are OW's accomplices in a crime?) -- I'm still mulling over that one myself. It's definitely a horrible situation to put oneself into. But it would NEVER have happened if the MM hadn't come sniffing around in the first place.

[a4a]

I agree I OFTEN type atrociously because I could not be bothered to cut my text, spell check it and repaste it. because when you repaste it it ends up with all this html crap on it. And I am often too lazy to re-read before I hit send...I type really fast and carelessly sometimes NO ONE is disputing that.

 

HOWEVER as I just explained to a4a in a PM because she felt the need to contact me privately about this, my typos don't result in a sarcastic belittling and insulting post, well some may be insulted by my typos but it's not intended to offend anyone.

 

When she copies the meaning of a word from the dictionary for me, that even my 3 yr old nephew knows the meaning to, that's beyond saracasm that is just plain old insulting. So if you wanna play like that don't point out to me that personal attacks on LS are considered a crime, lead by example and that's that. OR play dirty but take the jabs back when they are thrown at you.

 

For the record, do you two realise just how much time we have wasted on this pettiness that could have been avoided had a4a just responded to my intial question with a relevant answer as opposed to an insult that totally threw the debate off track? Not to mention she is the one reminding ME about code of conduct on LS? :lmao:

 

don't make me laugh.

 

It was not an insult it is the definition of a crime that is widely accepted.

 

I had no reason to insult you. PM me if you would like to continue this off topic banter. I am only posting this so it is clear that me posting a REAL DEFINITION was not an insult.... but a word that I used in the correct manner to describe an affair as a crime as stated/defined by the dictionary.