Hurt & Alone Posted July 29, 2007 Share Posted July 29, 2007 I was not referring to money or confrontation. i truly beleive that it is possible within a rel that all four can occur and in all of lifes circumstances (not just infidelity), humans can have all the above, but that does not make them any less. Link to post Share on other sites
Author halfarock Posted July 29, 2007 Author Share Posted July 29, 2007 Then what is the point of other women? Is it just to prove you can? I don’t think that I have to prove anything. It is just that there are other people in my life. It’s not like I’m going out having sex with random women. There are other women who I have lasting relationships with. There is a MW who I have a relationship with. There is a definite emotional bond between us. She’s very happy with the arrangement. She was primarily who I was thinking of when I wrote the OP. There are others too. There is nothing to prove. It is just that when I connect well with a woman I don’t see a need to disconnect from others. Well, this seems to be working for both of you right now. I suppose the acid test would involve something like this: She meets up with you and says "I'm sorry, but I can't see you again. I've met a man I'm absolutely crazy about. He doesn't want to be involved with me while I'm sleeping with someone else. I desperately want to be with him, and I'm sorry but I'm going to have to sacrifice my relationship with you in order to make that happen. If things don't work out with him, we could maybe get back together at some point - but right now trying to make it work with him is my absolute priority. Well yes it could happen. Just as likely someone that is married can run into someone else that they fall for. It’s not something that I worry about. If it happens, it happens. Just as likely I could find someone else. Right now when we are together we are very happy. I just don’t see any need to sit around worrying about what if. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 29, 2007 Share Posted July 29, 2007 Just as likely someone that is married can run into someone else that they fall for. True, but because we have a brain, and can think, a choice can be made to GO FOR IT, or ignore it. If you're married, and/or the OP is involved, then you ignore it. We're human beings, not animals. (You know what I mean.) Link to post Share on other sites
Author halfarock Posted July 29, 2007 Author Share Posted July 29, 2007 Don't push your views on someone so young because you think you're waking her up to reality. You didn't believe this when you were young… When I was young I thought that I would grow up, fall in love, and live happily ever after. It’s a fairy tale. If her views were the same as yours, would you be telling her not to push her views? Link to post Share on other sites
Author halfarock Posted July 29, 2007 Author Share Posted July 29, 2007 We're human beings, not animals. Human beings are animals. Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted July 29, 2007 Share Posted July 29, 2007 It’s been tried, but he was only a boyfriend and I'm sure she wasn't that into him. It was her getting drunk at a party, bragging to her friends. Some people live their lives angry, violent. Some people are happy, peaceful. Why is it that the ones who think they are the most righteous are the most angry, the most threatening? It can happen again, perhaps next time with success. I'm not one who would want you dead, make no mistake. To answer your other question, At least they are trying to do the best they can to live right with God's help, then someone like you comes along and ruins their lives, by sleeping with their spouse, sure the WS made a choice too, but if you hadn't come along, they may not have made that type of decision. I have to wonder how many children you have fathered because of these actions, how many fathers are being duped into raising your children. How many marriages are ruined, children ruined, BS's ruined?! By the way, how much longer do you think it will be before you catch HIV, or some other STD? I don't want anyone to get that, but, the more you keep screwing around with married women, the higher the chances, and the higher the chances that a gun will go off in your face, or back. Trying to warn you. Someone's gonna nail you to the wall! It's just a matter of time! Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted July 29, 2007 Share Posted July 29, 2007 Human beings are animals. I remember a saying, "If you teach children that they are animals, then they will ACT like animals! This is apparently true! Goes for adults too! Link to post Share on other sites
Author halfarock Posted July 29, 2007 Author Share Posted July 29, 2007 It can happen again, perhaps next time with success. I'm not one who would want you dead, make no mistake. I hink I have more to fear form the nut jobs who get pissed off when I so very publicly make fun of their religion. To answer your other question, At least they are trying to do the best they can to live right with God's help… People live right with the help of their imaginary friend? I have to wonder how many children you have fathered because of these actions, how many fathers are being duped into raising your children. How many marriages are ruined, children ruined, BS's ruined?! By the way, how much longer do you think it will be before you catch HIV, or some other STD? I’ve been having multiple girlfriends for 30 years now. Every child that I have fathered I very much intended to father, and I’m very close with them. I’ve never had a STD. I live a sane, orderly rational life. I’m not being irresponsible. I just choose not to live the standard life that everyone else thinks that they have to live. I have a following, of sorts, because I do live my life as I do. If you were to collect up all of the women who I’ve ever had a thing with, except for one notable exception, they would all speak very highly of me, that I’ve brought happiness into their lives that they might not have otherwise had. You’re reading too much into it. From my experience, affairs aren’t about sex. They’re about making a connection with someone else. You’d be surprised how many women live lonely lives inside of their marriage Link to post Share on other sites
Author halfarock Posted July 29, 2007 Author Share Posted July 29, 2007 I remember a saying, "If you teach children that they are animals, then they will ACT like animals! This is apparently true! Goes for adults too! What else are you going to teach them to act like? Rocks? Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted July 29, 2007 Share Posted July 29, 2007 Just because you don't believe theirs a God, doesn't mean he doesn't exist. Some affairs are about sex. By making these connections with married women, you're violating a sacred connection between a husband and wife, and that's irresponsible, whether you chose to admit it or not. If you were married, would you want your wife to cheat on you, like these women are doing to their husbands? How would you feel? Never say that you would never marry. Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted July 29, 2007 Share Posted July 29, 2007 What else are you going to teach them to act like? Rocks? As long as I didn't teach them to act like you, they'll be alright! Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted July 29, 2007 Share Posted July 29, 2007 When I was young I thought that I would grow up, fall in love, and live happily ever after. So your experiences have caused you to believe differently. Don't you think this girl deserves to go through the same process? Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted July 30, 2007 Share Posted July 30, 2007 Sorry if this is disappointing or depressing for you...but that's reality sweetie... love is NOT eternal. It has become just as disposable as a foam cup... The best 'approach' IMO is to take it one day at a time and don't expect that your partner will be forever faithful... this is just not realistic now days... the 'don't ask, don't tell' is the best way IMO. You don't sweat it...you don't ask... you just enjoy your life together... Nobody owns nobody... to think that you can control your partner is 'baloney'... you have no control over his mind, this thoughts, his desires, his fetish, his imagination... none. Just don't think about it... simple. Be happy... don't get married, it's not necessary, it's not a 'must' for happiness... it's much less trouble when sh*t hits the fan... IMO... Don't be depressed...you will if you think that you absolutely need to control and own your partner. It's unhealthy to think that way... The best 'approach' IMO is to take it one day at a time and don't expect that your partner will be forever faithful... this is just not realistic now days... the 'don't ask, don't tell' is the best way IMO. My goodness Lizzie this is truely how you think? I happen to know a ton a happily married couple's, who are very much in love after many year's together. While I am sure that spark is not the same a deeper kind of love exist's. Just because I feel into an ea, due to a big trouble spot in my own marriage, I still very much belive that with the right indivuidual the constituation of marriage and fidelity should be held with high regard and it iriates me that you are giving advice to a young person about "Forever and Faithful". AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt & Alone Posted July 30, 2007 Share Posted July 30, 2007 I dont know about all of you, but, My dad had given me the best piece of advice a dad can (bless his soul). He said sweetie there is no man good enough for you. They will say whatever they have to, to get in your pants and living happily after is far and few between. I should have listened to him long before now. Link to post Share on other sites
fisherfool Posted July 30, 2007 Share Posted July 30, 2007 Yes, extra-marital affairs are really that bad. If you don't believe in monogamy then don't marry. If you don't love your spouse then divorce. If you do love your spouse and you are having problems then resolve the problems. Don't cheat. Link to post Share on other sites
Author halfarock Posted July 30, 2007 Author Share Posted July 30, 2007 Just because you don't believe theirs a God, doesn't mean he doesn't exist. Some affairs are about sex. By making these connections with married women, you're violating a sacred connection between a husband and wife, and that's irresponsible, whether you chose to admit it or not. If you were married, would you want your wife to cheat on you, like these women are doing to their husbands? How would you feel? Never say that you would never marry. Can you demonstrate that a god exists? If not you are just blowing hot air. If the best you can do is to say that a connection between a husband and wife is a form of worship of your imaginary friend, then maybe you should wake up to reality. You haven’t been paying attention. My affections for the women in my life are not contingent on exclusivity. I grew up in an era and an area where feminism blossomed into a viable movement. Part of that is the idea that men don’t own women and vice versa. Plus I grew up with the intelligence and the presence of mind to see religion as the variance of reality that it is. You are just going to have to get used to the idea that not everybody sees the world as you do, nor has any desire to do so, and is not wrong because of that difference. With one woman I had an eight year affair. Her husband would often take business trips where he would be gone for weeks and months at a time, only calling once a week or so. I met her at a party were she had a little too much to drink and needed a ride home. It didn’t take long to discover that she drank excessively because she was alone all the time. When we began she was spending $200-300 a month on alcohol. It didn’t take long and she wasn’t drinking at all. She broke it off when her husband finally took a job where he would be home every night. It’s been about a dozen years and they are still together. I still have regular contact with her. She’s told me that she would have left him if I hadn’t been there when she was left alone. By some posters opinions the right thing to do would be to tell her husband. I think that you are all twisted. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 30, 2007 Share Posted July 30, 2007 By some posters opinions the right thing to do would be to tell her husband. I think that you are all twisted. I don't think its twisted. People tend to imagine themselves in the same situation, and few people can stomach the idea of being doomed to a life with a cheater - and would want to know if they were being cheated on. They want the husband to know for the same reason they would want to know. Link to post Share on other sites
Herzen Posted July 30, 2007 Share Posted July 30, 2007 I find it interesting how often in the OW/OM portion of the forum that regardless of the topic it ends up with posters telling the OW how wrong they are and the OW’s defending themselves. I absolutely do not believe in monogamy so it seems kind of trivial to me. More than once I’ve had a fling with a married woman. In every case I knew that they were married and never had any illusions of taking them away from their husbands. From my perspective, most women marry and stay married for financial reasons, a stable home, and to avoid being alone. The emotional attachments tend to not be about love but about one’s own security and stability. With each MW they came to me for emotional support, to have someone to talk to. From my point of view, their affair with me was greatly beneficial to their mental well being. I don’t at all think that being tied strictly to one person is a good thing. A little someone different every now and then is probably a good thing. There was one MW; her friend was well aware of what was happening. She told us once that she wished she had someone like me so that she could have an escape from her husband every now and then. I’m sure MM are different but I just don’t see any intrinsic wrongness with having an extramarital affair. Your point is well made, but fails for being overly generalized. Like with much in life, the answer to the question about extramarital affairs being inherently harmful is : It depends. The affair described in your original post is the Married Woman Affair (MWA). In MWA's, one in which I was in, the other man is a means for the MW to escape the dreary burdens of her every day domestic and work life. Hot affair sex at the Four Seasons with Champagne, and having sex in ways she won't at home in the marital bed, is a MW's way of having her cake and eating it to. And, unlike many who condemn cakemen and cakewomen on here, I tip my hat to these MW's who want to have great sex with an OM, remain married and keep their families together. I don't believe you should nuke a family merely because you want to fu#k another man. This "divorce first" approach is silly and, at root, anti-family.The Europeans, with their more relaxed and sensible approach to affairs, get it right: If you must cheat, do so with tact and care and don't wreck the family. Americans tend to be much more hysterical about such things. I've now sworn off married women (MUCH TOO COMPLICATED). Nevertheless, married women occasionally approach me at the Gym. Some married women just want to have fun, and remain wives and mothers. My MW was like that, and she succeeded. She remains married and is none the worse for the wear. She had her fun, as did I. There are much worse things in life than engaging in a MWA. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted July 30, 2007 Share Posted July 30, 2007 There is a major difference between the thought patterns/ thought abilities of human animals and your average animal. The majority of non human animals don't have the ability to take consquences into consideration during their actions. They are unaware of consquences. If you want to use the instinct card....... well guys should be fist fighting, killing each other for as many chicks as they can get then. I would guess that many men refrain from this because the consquences (laws/prison) force them to not take such action. However I will agree that it is possible to love (that word really makes no sense - should be want to fulfill your own desires while involving another person to fulfill your own desires = love) more than one person at a time...... however loving a person does not mean that one must insert a penis or spread ones legs for insertion. That is a choice with consquences. You are choosing to hurt another person by taking this action. ( unless it is an open marriage). Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted July 30, 2007 Share Posted July 30, 2007 with this: This "divorce first" approach is silly and, at root, anti-family. This is totally ridiculous... Why wreck the whole family just for a one-night stand or even for an A...when the person knows that they don't want to be with that other person full time. It doesn't make sense to me... Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted July 30, 2007 Share Posted July 30, 2007 with this: This "divorce first" approach is silly and, at root, anti-family. This is totally ridiculous... Why wreck the whole family just for a one-night stand or even for an A...when the person knows that they don't want to be with that other person full time. It doesn't make sense to me... But what about the OW/OM that are betrayed by the MW/MM that do lie and tell them that they want to be with them full time? I would suppose this does soothe your concious that then no harm is done. Question Lizzie- would you feel bad if a BS found out that you were sleeping with her husband? would you feel bad if you knew his children were hurt as well by his and your actions? Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted July 30, 2007 Share Posted July 30, 2007 But what about the OW/OM that are betrayed by the MW/MM that do lie and tell them that they want to be with them full time? I would suppose this does soothe your concious that then no harm is done. Question Lizzie- would you feel bad if a BS found out that you were sleeping with her husband? would you feel bad if you knew his children were hurt as well by his and your actions? ...I would feel bad... but this won't happen... we are extremely careful... we take absolutely NO chances... plus, except for this manager that I see on a regular basis, all the other MM come in for a 'short' visit, and they always have an alibi. They are not stupid.. they know it's just 'sex' so why would they even take 'chances' to get caught. They won't. When one spouse is all 'mixed up', when they fell for someone else and have a one night stand or even a short A... why should he/she tells the spouse... this is totally 'silly' IMO... if they don't want to leave their spouse. Unless the partner knows that he/she wants to be with the 'other' person, then there is no need to wreck the family. What the spouse and kids don't know, doesn't hurt... Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted July 30, 2007 Share Posted July 30, 2007 ...I would feel bad... but this won't happen... we are extremely careful... we take absolutely NO chances... plus, except for this manager that I see on a regular basis, all the other MM come in for a 'short' visit, and they always have an alibi. They are not stupid.. they know it's just 'sex' so why would they even take 'chances' to get caught. They won't. When one spouse is all 'mixed up', when they fell for someone else and have a one night stand or even a short A... why should he/she tells the spouse... this is totally 'silly' IMO... if they don't want to leave their spouse. Unless the partner knows that he/she wants to be with the 'other' person, then there is no need to wreck the family. What the spouse and kids don't know, doesn't hurt... Well I think it takes away the choice of the spouse to choose if they want to remain with that person who is having an affair. I suppose I could steal a couple of hundred dollars from you and if you didn't notice it ...... well who am I hurting then? Not trying to flog you.... unless you are into that..... just looking at the flip side of things. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted July 30, 2007 Share Posted July 30, 2007 Well I think it takes away the choice of the spouse to choose if they want to remain with that person who is having an affair. I suppose I could steal a couple of hundred dollars from you and if you didn't notice it ...... well who am I hurting then? Not trying to flog you.... unless you are into that..... just looking at the flip side of things. If you steal money from me and I don't notice it... that means I got plenty.. and it won't hurt me... for sure. I truly think that there is no need to wreck a whole family for sex. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted July 30, 2007 Share Posted July 30, 2007 If you steal money from me and I don't notice it... that means I got plenty.. and it won't hurt me... for sure. I truly think that there is no need to wreck a whole family for sex. Is it worth risking the family just for sex? Link to post Share on other sites
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