What do my feelings mean?

[hope1975]

any hunk I desire?? awww I wish, but you're so sweet!!

 

If I come over there it'll be to Las Vegas...is that anywhere near you? that would be so exciting to meet up & hang out...and introduce tim & tom lol.

 

I can't wait for you to have dinner It HAS to mean more to both of you...a guy doesn't just randomly ask a girl out to dinner, especially in your situation. he definately likes you alot.

 

Tim & I are planning on doing some work together after the seminar, so at least I know he doesn't have plans or anything for afterwards...I'm kinda looking forward to it, but not as much as I thought I'd be...we've spoken every night this week, except for tonight, & I think I needed this break from talking to him, cos when he's around all the time, the thrill of the chase wears off a bit, and I'm not as excited to see or speak to him. does that sound bad??...He's been asking to see me more too...he suggested me coming to this seminar, then the trip to america, then he said there was some work stuff we had to meet up for.

 

I told him about an incident at work where I said a flirty comment to the "coffee guy" (the guy I've been meeting for coffee, remember?)...anyway I didn't mean what I said, but tim kept saying "I think you did mean it" i was saying I didn't & changing the subject, but he kept bringing it up, saying he thinks I did mean it...is that jealousy? I dunno what that was. He also said I need to play hard to get, cos guys like to feel like they're chasing a girl...is that a hint or what? I can't tell...I can't read him, and knowing he has a g/f just makes things even more complicated. He said he was talking to her the other night & got confused & thought he was talking to me...hmmmm what do you make of all this?

 

I think you're right, time for me to get some other guys numbers I'll do that goal & get 2 numbers in the next 2 weeks ok?

 

ok...let me know when dinners happening ok...as soon as possible i hope...don't keep me hanging too long

 

talk soon...have a great weekend

[LoveLace]

Wow! It sounds like Tim wants to see you more alright...coming with reasons to hang out, like "work". It doesn't sound bad at all that you want a break from him! You are right it's more exciting that way. I know that me and Tom act pretty excited to see each other after we havent talked for a few days. It's one good thing about our schedules being so opposite. At times I wonder about getting bored if our schedules were the same...but that probably goes for any couple. You know, hard-to-get only works to an extent, from what I've learned. Guys can even get aggravated with it after a while, cuz if it's too hard to get they figure, she must think she's too good for me. If Tim is aware of this opinion, which seems to be shared among a majority of guys I know...to me it almost seems that he's trying to pretend to be helping you, but in fact he just doesn't want to see you throw yourself at the guy...doesnt want to give you the kind of advice that run you right into coffee guy's arms! If a guy wasn't jealous I'd expect him to say, "why don't you just tell him you like him?", or along those lines. AND he's thinking of you while talking to his GF? That's a biggy! AND he tells you about it...dropping hints perhaps...but he shouldn't be doing this sh*t after telling you over and over that he's just not into you "that way". Is he the one playing hard to get, geez! It's a good sign how he wants to see you more...I think his claims of non-romantic feelings are B.S., I don't care what he says! I think it's heating up a little for you two. But if he ruins it by claiming it is nothing later, you gotta let him know all the ways he's leading you on and that it isn't fair to you! I was going to suggest strawberries & cream for a dessert in the hotel...fun to feed to each other! Or did I tell you that already?

 

Turns out Tom wasn't able to come up with rent yet. Explains why he didn't leave me the check I asked for 2 days in a row, and also ignored my voice mails about it. The time he talked about dinner, he just said "I'll you some money tonight"...I didn't know he meants "some" literally. I got home yesterday and there was only $80 there! (that's about $200 missing!) I called him fuming, he was at work and said he was trying to come up with more; his bank screwed his account up by charging him $180 after bouncing a check. I know these things happen, and he's always had rent before, so I understand. But I don't know how long he's known about this problem, how long he put off telling me the truth. Did he not want to piss me off after messing around? Then I thought that asking me to dinner might have been his way of preparing me for the truth about the rent, so that I wouldn't be as mad once I found out. And he works nights all weekend, so I don't know when he thought that we would even really go!! The way our schedules are, we won't get there till next week...but I guess it doesn't matter when, huh? Before the weekend's over I'll ask him when we are doing dinner.

 

But now I don't feel (again) like all of his recent gestures have been genuine. Like he's been extra affectionate simply because he realized he needs me financially. And if he has to work a little to keep me, he probably doesn't mind. I need him, too, but not as much as he needs me, in reality. But apparently at one time, he did think he would be ok alone, but not now. That makes us here together out of convenience...it also means if I still move that it'll leave him hurting real, real bad! He was very apologetic about the rent thing though. I want to think our recent developments and the lack of rent are just coincidence...but what do you think? Among our friends, he's had a reputation in the past for being a bit manipulative, or for only doing what benefits him. Even while living here, a buddy of his tried to tell me that once--and said getting attached to the kids is exactly what he wants me to do, etc. This was just an opinion, and at times I feel like I know him better than they...if we get together I don't want it to be based on financial convenience, that's all. It's hard for me to tell the difference while being on the inside. What if he decided, the only way he can keep me is if he lets me believe we are more than friends? Why am I having trouble with simply accepting that he might really be falling for me?

[hope1975]

hmmm, ok, so this is like the first time he hasn't has the rent? personally, i don't think one thing has anything to do with the other...why would he spend money taking you to dinner if he didn't like you & was strapped for cash?...if he was just being manipulating, he'd probably just get you into bed. I honestly don't think he's playing with you, i think he's being genuine & the fact that he doesn't have the rent is purely a coincidence....he was probably embarrassed to tell you he didn't have it, cos men don't like to come across as weak. They like to be the providers, even when you're not in a relationship, so to speak....I've known Tim for over 2 years, and he's only just told me that I earn more money then him...why did it take him so long to admit that to me?..cos he knew I viewed him a certain way and he didn't want that to change...he wants to be the hero, provider etc etc. so I think if anything he avoided telling you about the rent, not cos he was being manipulative, but cos it's a blow to his ego to admit that to you, especially after what happened & especially if he genuinally likes you, which I think he does.

 

You may be having trouble believeing that he's genunially interested in you, cos it's something you've wanted for so long & now that it's finally happening, you can't believe it, so you're waiting for something to f&*k up. It's hard to accept things sometimes when we want them so badly & they begin to happen.

 

On the other hand, maybe subconciously you don't want the chase to be over, so you're thinking about all the reasons he might be manipulating you, so you can continue to chase him...I know that sounds far fetched but I know that if Tim dropped into my lap tomorrow, I'd need to feel like I was still chasing him, otherwise I'd probably lose some of the attraction. Which is what was kinda happening this week, cos we were spending so much time talking to each other. But then that makes me wonder, is this just a game for me? I don't know....how do you know when you really really like someone?

 

Maybe you're so used to chasing Tom, it's thrown you, now that he's chasing you.

 

mmm strawberries & cream sounds good, but I have to get him back to my hotel first..we'll be doing some work after the seminar, but he'll probably want to do that at the office, or we'll probably go & have dinner or something...how do I get him back to the hotel? lol.

 

so you think that's a big thing? talking to his g/f & thinking it's me? I can't tell...I'm so dense when it comes to picking up signals.

 

Definately ask Tom about dinner as soon as you can....then get on here & update me

 

thinking of you xx

[LoveLace]

Hi!! I've missed you! How to get Tim to the hotel? Good question...puppy dog eyes, don't want to go there alone? That would require you to appear as a scaredy cat! Or rent a movie and leave it at the hotel, and just ask if he wants to watch it with you...or ask if he wants surf some hotel TV with ya...gosh that's hard I don't know! I'll try to think of ideas more and get back to you! By the way, Las Vegas is thousand miles or 2 away from here I think! That's ok though, people from here travel there all the time!! How much fun that would be to meet up. I've never been to Vegas either and I have friends that have endlessly talked of how much fun it is there!

 

I think you could be right about the "chase" thing. For many years being with him was only in my head...and I have been thinking lately that I'd wanna take things slow if possible...it already feels like we're taking it slow though...since hooking up, nothing else has happened, mainly because time and opportunity just hasn't been there. Yesterday some girl from his work called him; turned out it was the young gal he dated that slept over at our place for 2 weeks straight, a couple months ago. Mary's friend was on the couch and Tom made it a point to annouce that she was his "EX - Fling"...almost as if he wanted me to know the status?

 

We were both so busy all weekend, and on opposite schedules. We saw each other 5 minutes at a time. I mentioned the breaks on my car were grinding and right away, he said he would fix them! Anyway, last night I sent him a Text. "How bout dinner next weekend and keep the rest of rent"...he gave me more money and still owed me about $100. But how did he plan on taking me to dinner with no money anyway? But I thought, dammit, I want him to take me out, and I want to get this talk going. He texted me back "Nice one". Which made me laugh, I wrote back, "I know". That was that. I guess his response was a "yes"?

 

About Tim and thinking of you while talking to his GF...that's huge, if you ask me! If a guy is with a girl and thinking about someone else...maybe even he isn't aware of it, but it probably means you'd rather BE with the person you are thinking about! If anything, it's an obvious sign that he thinks of you in his spare time.

 

Do you think I sounded desperate in my dinner deal? I feel like I have a date with my roommate this weekend! I'm so excited it's ridiculous. I hope he doesn't forget about it, or back out on me...

[2sunny]

i read you post as "let's talk about it over dinner" NOT let me take you OUT to dinner. i wouldn't mention it again... i he wants to go - he will nail a date down with you.

 

just an observation...

 

also - he probably doesn't have any money for rent because of his drug habit as of late...

[LoveLace]

Well its too late Sunny I've already mentioned it again, and as for the "drug habit", nothing suspicious has happened in quite a while and I never had good evidence to begin with. If anything else happens I'll address it. In the mean time I think I was being paranoid and I haven't been suspicious of anything about him lately.

 

He didn't have money for rent because we have a bank that charges you $25 for every day you have a negative account, plus they charge you for the bounced check, etc, so they got $180 out of him. I watch my money about as close as he does; this is something that I would expect to happen to me before him...and there's never been a problem with rent before and we've lived together almost a year. If it was re-occurring I'd question it. And he knows if it happens again, that I'll kill 'em. He never lets anything piss me off twice.

 

And what's the difference between "talking over dinner" or "taking me out" to dinner? He was the one who suggested it, so he'll be taking me. And if he just wanted to talk about the apartment, why would he say we should do it over dinner? In the past, we've talked about all that stuff at home. But things are different between us now. Besides, I need the talk, I need the dinner, it doesn't mean we're going to date for sure, it's just dinner, but there's nothing wrong being excited about it, and I don't see a need to analyse his reasoning behind it. All I know is I am not letting him forget about it and I am going to take advantage of it because we never do anything fun together and we never get to talk about things in private. I'm perfectly aware that I go back and forth about him and my feelings for him; but it doesn't mean I don't love him, so I might as well get to the bottom of this relationship while I have the chance.

[hope1975]

how weird!! I totally forgot that other people may read this & post on here oh well

I think that by saying "lets talk about it over dinner" is a way he could ask her out without coming out directly & doing it. Remember, they've lived together & known each other for a long time, if he said "let me take you out" and she said no, how awkward would that be...by saying "lets talk about it over dinner" he avoids this awkwardness...so this is a way of asking her out without being too obvious. I think it's sweet.

 

So how's everything else been Lovelace? any updates for me??

[LoveLace]

Hi Hope! Well Sunny responded to my latest update..then I responded to Sunny so I don't know if you saw my post from this morning or not...but since I started posting about Tom on LS, it was always a contreversial topic...several people would still say that he's just "using me" for cooking and cleaning, etc, but he does a lot more of those things than I, so I'd always explain the most he could be using me for is for splitting bills..which I'm using him for too, so it doesn't count! Someone said he just wants a mother for his kids..not true..they already have a mother. If anything I just think he wants someone to truly care for him, which I do, but it's taken all this time to feel as strongly as I do about him now...even after all these years I feel like I care about and know him better than ever before...

 

anyhow, read my last post before Sunny responded...and see what ya think!

 

Any Tim updates?

[LoveLace]

Well I asked Tom last night if he liked my dinner idea, and yes and we will go somewhere nice! Sounds like we're going to a steak restaurant...should I assume this is a date? Well, guess it doesn't matter, as long as we talk about things like we're supposed to.

 

I heard him on the phone with a buddy last night and they were talking about some girl that he said is "all over him"...it didn't sound as though he was that interested in her, so I blew it off. But now that we've messed around, it'll be harder for me to tolerate crap like this. Before I went to bed last night I said I"m excited and asked him when we should eat. He said Friday or Saturday but didn't exactly reciprocate enthusiasm, but I think that's just a guy thing. He did seem excited when he said we'll go somewhere nice. But when I arrived home after work, he was cleaning! But this time he was going as far as wiping off the top of the fridge!! AND he changed some light bulbs and fixed the celing fan, etc. He also said that he would fix the breaks on my car. He only acts like this when he's in a happy mood, which has been non-stop lately!

 

I was talking to a friend on the phone this morning; she doesn't speculate how Tom feels because she doesn't know him very well. Of course you don't either, but you also hear about my situation in much more detail than my real-life friends!! She is worried that I'll expect to get more from this, only to be hurt again. If we renew the lease together, and he starts bringing girls around as if nothing happened between us, I will regret it, and I will feel like a HUGE idiot for thinking he might have the same vision as I do.

 

So the question is, how do I address this at dinner? Once we agree that we should stay together because of money, what do I say after that? I wonder what he plans on saying himself? We can't possibly be having a nice dinner, just to say, "yea, we should keep living together cuz we don't have the money to do it on our own"--that part's obvious. I know ya can't predict the future Hope!! I'm so scared that I'm just wrong about everything right now. I wish I knew what he wants to happen here.

[hope1975]

ohhh I know exactly how you feel...you're scared because everything appears to be going just the way you hoped, but you don't want to get your hopes up, only to be let down or disappointed, which is totally normal.

 

The thing is, no matter what anyone else says, your hopes are up now already, which is fine, I'm one of those people that believes whatever happens, happens for a reason. And whatever way this eventually goes, you'll be fine.

 

If he did start with the girls again, now you've got every right to say something to him, whereas before you just had to deal with it.

 

I dunno what he plans on talking to you about at dinner, but it won't just be living together...you could've discussed that at home. If I was in your situation I'd be excited too...there's nothing wrong with that...hell, i'm excited for you

 

All of a sudden he's cleaning & trying to make you happy...that's huge...to me it sounds obvious that he's interested, but as I've never met him, I can't say for sure...but it sure sounds like he wants more.

 

So dinners this weekend coming? ohhh same time as my seminar with tim. how exciting...at least you have the possibility of getting a bit of action , wish I could be that lucky.

 

I don't know what to wear to this seminar...probably something casual...i hate all my clothes, but I've got no money to go & buy any new ones right now.

 

ok chicky, let me know how you go

talk soon

[LoveLace]

Oh boy! Will we be thinking of each other this weekend!! So you dress casual for the seminar, what about after? Got anything that shows a little cleavage? Thanks for your feedback. I guess I feel the need to put up a shield, in case everything we're thinking about Tom is just in our heads! I guess I won't try to rehearse anything for dinner, and just let it all happen naturally, and have a good time. In the mean time, I hope I'm not posting to you tomorrow about a girl I heard him on the phone with, or something like that...it's like I'm expecting it, anytime now...the moment I feel like an idiot again! I've enjoyed the way he's been acting...happy and not rubbing any girls in my face...like you said, too good to be true. He is still sleeping on the couch every night too...he always used to just sleep in bed with his daughter...gosh I wonder if he's just waiting for us to share a bedroom/bed!!

 

Nothing could make me more nervous and confused! I'll let you know what happens..I'm going to try and not post every one of my thoughts between now and then!! lord knows they are like a roller coaster..

 

love ya to death!! I hope the seminar trip is productive and fun!

[hope1975]

oh that's so sweet, I love you to death too

 

I can't find anything in my wardrobe that doesn't make me look huge arrgghhh...I'm gonna have to make some time tonight & go & buy something to wear.

 

With dinner, like you said, just take it as it comes, he's probably just as excited/nervous as you are, but guys don't show it.

 

It's Thursday morning here, so that makes it wednesday night there?? i think?? anyway so what day are you having dinner? so I know when to get on here & look for your reply I can't wait, i'm so excited for you.

 

I leave for the seminar tomorrow morning, but i'm taking my laptop anyway...I'll be back sunday morning, which'll be saturday night where you are, i think....I expect a full report by monday

 

I've got my fingers & toes crossed for you xxxxx have a great time, don't do anything i wouldn't do

 

I'll be thinking of u....love ya

[LoveLace]

Actually, it's Wednesday afternoon here right now!...I think it's early Thurs. morning for you!! You are several hours ahead of me!

 

I'm excited about your trip -- yea treat yourself to a nice outfit...since its a seminar I guess you don't want to go too sexy, but maybe classy/casual would = sexy!! I've been thinking of what to wear this weekend myself!! I'm so excited for both of us. Even if we both come out without much to tell, we both finally get to spend some quality time with the men who have been driving us nuts!!

 

Tom said "Friday or Saturday" for dinner, and i sord-of made plans for Friday already with a fellow student. So I'm going to tell him we should do it Saturday. Also, that would give me more time to prepare and maybe go shopping. If we do it Friday I'd hardly have time to pick an outfit and get ready, etc. since I'll have to work all day. I would be ok to do it Friday, in fact I'm anxious to get it going, but preparation is key! I've wondered what he plans to wear...I've already pictured him in his "dressy" attire and it turns me on!!

 

If this is really going where I think it might be going...I've been thinking about weather or not sleeping with him would be a good idea yet...cuddling maybe, but I'm not sure about the rest!! It just seems we should take it slow if we can....but gosh I don't even know if we're going there, so why think of it just yet!?

 

I'd say by Sunday I should have a report no matter what!! I can't wait to hear about your trip too!!!!! :rolleyes:

[SadandConfusedWA]

LoveLace,

 

It just seems to me that he is taking advantage of your feelings and that this is one of those unrequited love situations. I have lived through plenty of those, but it's much easier to see it in someone elses life than in your own. He KNOWS how you feel. Trust me on this, even if you haven't told him in so many words, you have pretty much put a neon sign on your forehead with words "I love you". Yet he choses to do nothing about it. He is probably flattered and enjoyes the attention and at the very best, he considers you his back up option, if other girls don't work out and he gets old and wants to settle down thing. Is that really what you want?

 

Even with the BJ, dinner etc, you have to make all the effort. He mentions dinner then doesn't talk about it again, typical behaviour of a guy that wants to keep you hooked and on a back burner, regardless of what his motivations are.

 

Now for what I think you should do, is I think you should come clean at dinner. Tell him how you feel about him. Tell him that it hurts you when you see/hear him with other girls. Tell him you want a realtionship but are willing to take it slowly. Then let the chips fall where they may. Most likely he will reject you, you will cry some more, but will be able to start the process of moving on. Do you really want to spend next 5 years crying over this guy while you watch him parade other girls around? Or even worse, meeting "the one" and you having to hear all about it? That should also help with your decision to move out. I hope I didn't come across too harsh and keep posting with whatever you decide to do.

[LoveLace]

Sadandconfused:

 

Thanks for your words. However-- I haven't exactly been trying to hide how I feel (obviously) so if he knows or suspects, then fine, the only thing I haven't done is put it into words. And just because I have feelings doesn't mean I think we're totally right for each other. I'd have to date him to see. Where did you get the 5 years from? We're only renewing a 1 year lease....

 

And he was the one who said when we go out that "we will go somewhere nice", so he has talked about it since the initial idea. And since we sord-of "hooked up" or whatever ya wanna call it, I've seen him cancel a date with a girl and stay home with me instead; I've seen him hit the ignore button on his phone when girls are calling -- yea so it doesn't mean he's in love with me -- but this at least means he's being respectful to the fact that I obviously have feelings there. I already plan on addressing the girls at dinner, I'm not even scared anymore. And I don't feel like I'm being taken advantage of while he's fixing everything I want fixed, and cleaning when he knows I love it when he goes on a cleaning frenzy, because I NEVER do that myself...I straighten up the kitchen and do the dishes...but when he cleans, it's every corner of the place.

 

So I made it obvious that I love him. So what. Since then all he's been doing is crap that makes me happy. So I wouldn't exactly say that he's "doing nothing about it". The whole point of the dinner, for me, is to talk it all out and I know him well enough to know if he's trying to be manipulative, believe me, I've known the guy for 10 years. But lately I decided to stop looking for bad qualities and look more at the good ones, only to realize my feelings are true after all, not just based on his being there.

[hope1975]

looovveelaacceee

help me!!! I'm more confused then ever after that seminar.

ok this is what happened:

after the seminar tim asks me what my plans are, i said going to check into the hotel. He says ok go & do that & I'll come and have a drink with you. Its pouring down with rain, so I go & check into the hotel, then tim calls & says he's downstairs so I go down & meet him. He says lets go to the restaurant across the road, so we start running over there in the pouring rain. We get across the road & he says "you know we could have stayed in your room & ordered room service" i said "ok do you wanna do that? I have a bottle of wine up there" he says "yeah ok" so we start heading back to my room. Then he says he doesn't know if he can get home cos his road was apparantly cut off due to the storm, I was going to ask him to stay, but I didn't (why, I don't know!!)

 

so we go up to my room & we order dinner, I started drinking & got a little drunk & we start talking about stuff, I get changed into my nightdress, we talk about all sorts of stuff including sex, I said are you ok to go home, is your road blocked off? he says he doesn't know. Then his friend calls & asks him over for a drink, so he says he'd better go.

 

so that's it!! he left about 10-15 minutes later. WTF? did he wanna do something with me or not? he didn't make any sort of move, but I thought the fact that he was saying he couldn't go home & wanting to come to my room, was a hint. I'm so confused....what should I do? help me....my mum thinks I blew my chance. what do you think?

 

how was dinner? give me all your goss!!!!!

[hope1975]

LOOVVEELACE....WHERE ARE YOU .

 

you'd better be having a sensational time with tom.

[LoveLace]

Wish I could say a sensational time with Tom..but no...I'll explain..sorry you've been waiting...I got here as soon as I could! I haven't been able to get on here because I've been doing a different position at work where I'm up a lot and not able to be on the internet...and at home someone's always been around..but honestly I haven't been in a huge hurry to tell you what's going on anyway!

 

1st of all though, it sounds like you two had a good time...I think maybe Tim just didn't feel sure enough that you wanted him to stay! I wouldn't say you blew it, but you probably should have pushed more for him to stay! It totally sounds like he wanted to...how did he act when you put on your night dress? Did he act as though he liked it? He has to be into you otherwise I don't think he would have asked what you were doing later, joined you for a bottle of wine, or kept saying he might not be able to drive home....they all sound like he was into you! Have you talked to him since then? Would you feel weird trying to bring it up and talk about it? Just to let him know, you did want him to stay, but you weren't sure what he wanted...ask him what he wanted!

 

No dinner happened. By Friday night I never heard from him, and went out with a couple girls. I came home pretty drunk, and he was asleep in his bed. I was in a happy mood though and I said "HI!" and he said "WTF?" I said, are we going out tomorrow night? He said, I don't know about tomorrow, yea probably"...so not a straight answer.

 

Saturday he calls and asks me to take his $100 on the table to this Advanced Loan place that he uses (they give you advanced loans on paychecks)...he was stuck at work and couldn't get there by 5pm. If he didn't make it by 5, they try to take the $ out of your account anyway, which would be like a bounced check...so I get there with the $100...and they won't accept it without his being there, unless I paid the whole entire balance. 1st he told me to forget it and go home. But I said hold on...what do you owe them? $445. I had the money to cover it right then and there. He argued and said no way, I would owe you way too much money. And I argued and said yea, but if your account goes negative it effects me too, I'm effected either way, so if this catches us up, let me do it. And of course he was practically speechless and way appreciative and said I'm the best, etc. I said he could pay me back however he wanted...in any form! He said "that's what I"m talkin' about!"..I don't know what that symbolizes..

 

Anyhow, he gets home from work and he ends up saying he wants to fix my breaks like he promised. We go buy the parts, and he expected that I was buying them ($20). I said even though you owe me all that money? He says, I thought I could pay you back however I want? I said ok, besides, you are doing the labor for me. So he fixed them. Earlier that day, we talked on the phone and I asked him if he still wanted to go somewhere to "talk". He says yea, but I just want to stay together because of the money thing". I said I know that, but there are other things I want to talk about; when do you want to do it, and he said Monday was best for him.

 

Sunday morning he had to work. When he returned, we were looking at each other and smiling, and I actually felt my stomach turn. He said he was going to a Benefit thing. But he was actually going to make money buy selling marijuana and maybe something else. I just know that because I heard him say we have bills to pay. So he worked all day, and basically again that night. I thought you know, maybe it's not legal, but he sure is doing whatever he can to pay me back and help us out. Monday morning he was awake in the same clothes playing video games at 8:30am. Later, Mary said he didn't go to bed until 10:30am!!!

 

So he was awake for over 24 hours total. Mary and I had a discussion over the weekend. All the kids think he has a coke problem too. We were both getting ourselves upset about it. Then I found a piece of glass that I thought was from a mirror--or could used as a "chopping" tool. We purposely left it on the living room table to see how he reacted to it. Mary told me that Sunday night, he picked it up and said he had been looking for that. Then he disappeared in his room. And he was awake until the next morning.

 

Monday I think we're going to have dinner, but of course that doesn't happen. I got home from work, and as soon as I walked in he says, "I ordered Chinese a long time ago I wonder why it's not here yet". So I knew right then, no dinner. Of course I'm so hurt that I wanted to cry. I went into my room to study and stayed in there all night, almost. I came out at one point and he was in his room then, sleeping. I told Mary "I'm f**king done". Not long after, he came in, looked at him, I glared at him, and immediately turned and went back to his room. He was on the couch this am and I have school tonight, so don't know when I'll see him. I don't know what to do. 1st I feel completely unimportant, cuz he never mentioned dinner again, probably cuz he was too messed up from the night before. Secondly, I just loaned $300 to a coke addict; and he has yet to tell me what exactly his plans are to pay me back. It's taking everything I have not to punch him in the face.

 

But I'm trying to tell myself, 1st and foremost, I have to let him know how much I care about him, so that he realizes I'm not judging him...I'm just worried about him...the drug problem should come 1st..before discussing our relationship. I want to let him know he's hurt me. I just have to suppress my temper 1st. If anything, I will be crying. Mary and I discussed how he's hard to talk to most time...you just don't feel like he listens...but I told her he does, long as you really make him...which is what I have to do now...and I still have the option to move. I think it's more than obvious what I should do, and will have to leave my best friend, to teach him a lesson, to get away from all these problems....unless he changes drastically in a matter of 1 and 1/2 months. Not too likely. And if I end up staying, it'll be just because I'll be too tired, busy, and lazy to move. So I'm very sad today...much more so than I've ever been about him. There probably isn't much you can say...but I knew you were waiting for an update...so I wanted to give it to you, even though it's all more disappointing.

 

Missed you and luv u!

[hope1975]

oh sweetie...I wanna come over there & punch him in the face for you!!

It sounds to me like the drugs are starting to take over too much & causing too many problems. He needs to snap out of it. I don't think he's not interested, I just think the drugs are taking over everything. That's what it sounds like anyway.

 

Maybe he didn't have the money to take you to dinner & was too embarrased about it. I think you should sit down with him & confront him about this issue before it gets any deeper & you get hurt anymore.

 

I'm also feeling down...I spoke to tim the other night & said "you know I was going to ask you to stay, when you couldn't get home, but I thought that might be crossing the line" he said "that would have been ok as long as you were prepared to be turned down"...I said "would you have turned me down?" he said "would that have bothered you?" I said "no of course not, why would that bother me?"...he said "well we'll never know" I said huh? he said "do you know what I mean? it's something we'll never know" I said ok...but I have no idea what he meant. I mean WTF? I don't think he's interested, so I'm feeling a bit down about that.

 

I really hope tom snaps out of it. You deserve so much more. I'll write more later but my daughter needs the comp

luv u & thinking of u xxx

[LoveLace]

Hope- gosh neither of us got what we wanted did we! I can't believe Tim said that to you on the phone--I would have asked why he would have turned me down. I would want to know why do you have sex talks with someone you don't plan on having sex with? But I think it's BS because he knows how you have felt -- and then suggests putting himself in your hotel room for a night..with wine...I think both of our guys just enjoy the attention or something. They are both being selfish! Since your feeling down, maybe don't have frequent contact with him a while. When I'm feeling that way about Tom I just stay away for a few days. Of course its a vicious cycle in my case; but somehow it really helps. And it REALLY helps if you make contact with a new guy during that time!!

 

You could be right about Tom being embarrassed. Cuz after giving him such a cold shoulder Mon. night, he was still totally nice to me last night. But I looked at him and spoke to him as very little as possible. He probably thinks I'm just stressed over school, etc. When in bed, I heard him leave so i wanted to know what the deal was. I got up and they were both gone, must have went for something to eat. I found a letter to him about a credit card limit being OVER the limit. On the same piece of paper, I left a note: "You Owe me $420. And I changed my mind, I need it all in cash. Thank you. Love, your roommate". And went back to bed. I know he got the note cuz it wasn't there this morning. I didn't want it to sound too bitchy, even though I'm livid. I won't see him again until the weekend though. We'll see if he bothers to acknowledge me between now and then- probably not.

 

I know he doesn't really have the money for dinner-- he already told his daughter that his whole paycheck is gone. He knew exactly why I gave him the cold shoulder Mon. night. I think he figured he would rather just deal with me being upset (and he knows that I don't yell, just get quiet) then tell me the truth.

 

Thing is, I can't tell him I want him to quit drugs because of how much I love him, and then just move out. I wouldn't be there to support him then. Not that it's required of me, but if he really listened to me, I'd wanna be right by his side if he needed me. I actually think that blowing up at him in anger is the wrong way to go right now; if I just tell him how I feel and in the most caring way, he's a lot more likely to make effort. When he quit drinking 8 yrs. ago, it was because his family intervened, and he hasn't drank since. So I think if its done the right way--and with enough support--that it wouldn't be as hard for him as might be for others.

 

Question is when will I finally get the nerve...and in the mean time, what might he do to piss me off so much that I'll completely give up on him, before even getting the chance to tell him what I think. I never thought it could be so hard, to tell someone you care about that your worried. But as much as he's hurt me lately, I think it's motivating me to get honest. We'll see. I hope you feel better soon, just try not to think about Tim right now. Maybe don't even accept any calls (from him)...if you do speak to him, you could always be honest and say that the sex talk must be leading you on, if he doesn't want it in reality.

 

Sigh...thinking of you!

[LoveLace]

After thinking and talking more, I decided I should definitely just move out, no matter how much Tom needs me. So I texted him last night and said "we should talk". Then he said, "I see u changed ur mind. We'll talk I still luv you".-- I didn't realize he was talking about the money! I said I was sad, and he says "?" -- I was like oh crap. I told him I am torn. Told him I just need to talk. I sent him like 3 small texts in a row, and he comes back with "Busy as f*ck", cuz he was at work. I said, "Sorry, f*ck!"-- I don't know if he was just trying to say he was too busy at the moment, or just getting out of the conversation.

 

So I told him I want all he owes me in cash, and he has no problem with it. It's like, unless I say what I want, he'll stay totally silent. Once you tell him what you want, he's cool.

 

But if I move when the lease is up -- he would have to come up with $1200 in 5 weeks. (Deposit + rent). This is more than impossible, and I wouldn't want to be told that with only 5 weeks either -- so it's too late for me to change my mind here. I also wouldn't see the money he owes me, if he had to come up with all that. So looks like I'm staying. But I plan on telling him the truth: that the longer we do this, the more I expect from him. Plain and simple.

 

Have you talked to Tim lately?

[hope1975]

hello gorgeous..love the photo

I'm sorry I've been missing for a few days...can't seem to get on the computer cos my daughter always wants it, and I've been a bit sick with a cold or something, so I haven't been getting up early in the morning to get on. I'm on antibiotics now & starting to feel a bit better.

 

I have heard from Tim, he sent me a text last night saying "can I call you in half an hour?" I said yeah, so half an hour later the phone rings and I said "you wanted to talk to me?" he said yeah I just wanted to see what's been going on cos I haven't spoken to you for a couple of days. I said "I spoke to you not yesterday the day before" he said yeah, a couple of days...I said awww you missed me!!

 

I found it unusual that he wanted to talk to me so soon, cos usually it can take him a week or so to return one of my calls, but lately we've been talking nearly every other night, it was only one day that I didn't call him though. I thought it was cute that he missed me.

 

So what's happening with Tom...does he want you to stay together for the money? or is he just saying that to cover up his feelings? what do you think? I don't think it's such a bad thing that you're staying, maybe you can provide him with some support in regards to the drugs.

 

He said he still loves you? that's a good sign. so are you guys still going to have the dinner?

 

why can't men ever be easy to figure out? I don't understand them at all. Tim had the perfect opportunity to make a move on me the other night, and doesn't...why??? then says he would have turned me down but then asks if that would bother me...and says now we'll never know!! I mean WTF does all that mean?? Is it just game playing?

 

hmmm...he's acting different in the fact that he's calling me alot more...like I said it used to take him ages to return my calls, now we talk almost every night. I can't work him out. I keep thinking about how he said I should play hard to get, but how?

 

This is doing my head in

 

Let me know what's happening with tom...don't let him upset you too much...love ya xx

[LoveLace]

I hope you feel better soon!! I don't think I'll give up on the fact that Tim does too like you. I think he said you would "never know" just to see how you'd react, to see if it upset you. Plus, he asked about it bothering you. I'm still not convinced, Tim!! Calling you more, talking about sex, going to the hotel, almost staying at the hotel OMG he's driving me as crazy as you. I think he's just pursuing you and playing dumb and uninterested at the same time, but why I don't know...maybe he just likes the game and likes to "play" it with you, while deciding how he feels...he can call you as often as he wants and deny feelings...if he admitted feelings he could be worried about how "different" things might feel...

 

No dinner, no, no. He hasn't even mentioned it. I gave him the cold shoulder both Monday and Tuesday, but he works the rest of the week. If you read the last post you read about me sending him a text that said we need to talk, he said he was busy at work, and he's been avoiding me ever since, because instead of sleeping on the couch like usual, I've left for work in the mornings to see that he's actually sleeping in his bedroom with the door closed. I think he knows that I know his "secret" problem, that's what I think. He might be expecting that I'll be mean about it, or something.

 

He hasn't called or anything, so I'll try to catch him later tonight, but he gets off work so late, it depends on how tired I will be! But if he's avoiding me, he might not come home at all and stay out all night. I don't think he realizes I am going to talk about everything from my feelings, to our relationship, to his problem. I want to let him know how much he hurt my feelings by breaking a dinner promise. I surfed the internet today about coke addicts and it said they tend to make promises and break them. But your right, I think I'm the only person (other than his kids) who truly cares about him and knows him enough to approach him on the subject. I'm sincerely worried, so I might as well.

 

Last night I was in a real bitchy mood, due to Toms avoiding me, and other stress, and maybe PMS!! I didn't home from work and school until 9pm, and Mary was on the computer, so I turn the TV on, ready to surf and chill on the couch. Mary says "oh there's a show on I wanna watch right now". I looked at her like, "what?"..I bit her head off!! I said you know what? I've had a 13-hour day and this is my time to be home and relax. I hardly ever get to watch TV or watch what I want, and you have had ALL DAY to watch what you want. Plus, you don't pay for cable, I DO...if I was mean enough to f*ck your dad over I'd be moving out, but I'm not, so in the mean time, I get to say what I want around here". Also, the dishes were gross and spilling on to the counter, like usual, and i bitched about that again, too. She is not in school, and she went to the pool, but no dishes. It's B.S, and when I finally get to talk to Tom, I'll be telling him he better fix that situation. I also bitched to Mary, "I'm not everybody's bitch around here. If you guys didn't have me, this place would be a disgusting mess!"..of course I never bitch that bad when Tom is around...poor Mary gets the heat. But she needs to help, she is there more with no school, and she cooks and eats there more than us, and she needs to do the damn dishes!! Whew....sorry I got a little worked up again! Anyhow, been in a crappy mood all day. I'll let you know what happens next...hopefully something decent.

 

thinking of you!!!!!!! thanks for the compliment I know I"m sexy

[hope1975]

I think you've got every right to get worked up, How old is mary again? 13? My daughter is 13 & she's a slob...clothes everywhere, dishes piled up. She drives me mad. I get worked up at her sometimes too.

 

I thought dinner may have been rescheduled for next weekend or something. I think you need to have a deep & meaningful talk with him & tell him all your feelings & concerns. and while your at it, tell him to stop being an ******* & pissing you off

 

has anything been mentioned at all about what happened between you two? Why do you think he's avoiding you? maybe cos of the coke hey...probably he's trying to hide it from you, but deep down, he knows you know, maybe that could be why he's being elusive too.

 

Why can't anything ever just be simple...but you're right, he probably needs you right now, even if he doesn't know it yet.

 

Let me know how things go...just remember, you always have me

[LoveLace]

I went out last night and came home a bit tipsy. When I got here, I told him about yelling at Mary, and he said "I know i just yelled at her myself" and the dishes were being done at that very moment. I also told him I worry about him, especially when he's awake for 24 hours straight but I left the word coke out. But I was looking straight into his eyes as I said it. He just said, "Oh baby don't worry" but he knew that I was beyond sincere, it was almost like he was touched by it...so I've actually started something there...from now on I can call him on his behavior...however he might try and hide everything he does from now on...

 

Mary was in bed. So he and I are on the couch trying to decide on a movie to watch...I was tipsy and obviously forgetting how much he hurt me rencently! I'm an idiot...I went and got myself a blanket and we were basically right next to each other on the couch. He was slouched down, so that his stomach was almost flat...and I put my head there like it was a pillow. And he instantly got up, went into his room and got the big blanket...then he laid it on the floor in front of the TV but right in front of me, and he was sitting there as if to leave one side of the blanket open...but I felt like he'd just shot me down, so I didn't think he got the blanket for that reason...

 

Then he said he had to go to bed. I hugged him goodnight and said I want you to go with me....(meaning to cuddle with me) and he said "where?", I said, to my bed!! It all came out wrong, I guess? He says no and goes to his room, "good night lovelace". Did he think I was trying to have sex with him? I feel so stupid now, and I'm glad we talked a little last night, but I have yet to tell him how he hurt my feelings...I hope I do it today before he goes to work or something...

 

I feel like such an idiot...did he totally shoot me down when I got too comfortable on the couch? I don't understand why we can't be close, if we plan on living together for at least another year, if we've messed around, after all I"ve done for him, and so many guys claim to find me so attractive, WTF is Tom's problem!