What do my feelings mean?

[LoveLace]

True, it probably didn't severely hurt his feelings that I didnt get into his video game...but I thought it was sweet that he wanted me to watch..he's never asked me to do that before. And like you said, we're not doing each other, so we're both doing it with other people! I don't believe he's trying to make me jealous or anything..at least not this time. I really think he was just horny like you said, cuz I haven't know of him to hook up with anyone in a while. I hated it when I knew he was getting a lot of action when I hadn't had sex in like 6 months. But I just spent the night with guy the other night, so I guess thats why I'm not bothered by it today.

 

The kids are up pretty late on weekends, in fact usually even later than me. So yea its hard to be alone with him. Plus I have nursing clinicals the next 2 weekends in a row, I'll have to be up 6am Sat. and Sun, so I won't even be around much again until Memorial weekend! There are other ways I could talk to him though, just gotta figure it out. I wonder if he asked if he would see me last night, so that he could bring the girl over? Is it a good sign that he's gone from bragging about all the girls he gets to talking about losing them? But then has a girl over the next day...god...

 

well keep me updated. I'll do the same. Thanks for everything you have no idea how much you've helped. If only I can help myself!

[hope1975]

thanks lovelace, I'm really happy I've helped you, you've helped me heaps too...but, like you, I wish I could take my own advice

It's alot easier to give advice when your on the outside. When your invoved with someone or have feelings for them it tends to cloud your judgement a bit.

I don't think he asked if he would see you, so he could bring the girl over...he would have just bought her anyway...maybe he asked if he could see you, but cos he couldn't, he bought the girl over. I think he was horny & that's the only reason she was there.

Do I think it's a good sign that he's talking about getting rid of the other girls to you? Yes!!! definately...there's no reason for him to explain that to you, or tell you that...he's doing it to make sure you know how he feels (or doesn't feel actually) about them

hmmm sometime soon (in the next few wekes), I'll go see my guy...we'll probably go & have dinner or something...I don't think I can mention the whole FWB thing to him...I don't know how he'd react.

I'll definately keep you updated...

as I said...hang in there...wait & see what happens...I'm sure he's gonna make a move soon...probably at your dad's place...fingers crossed xx

[LoveLace]

Well I always knew he gets rid of the girls anyway, cuz he's always he doesn't want "a girlfriend" or "long-term relationship". But it is strange that he had to mention difficulty getting rid of them.

 

Trust me, I've already dreamt up a miracalous weekend at my dad's, us having fun as a family, in a big house, and me and him ending up in bed together! It sounds so great that I get down, cuz it seems it'll never happen, like its chasing a ghost. Like your guy fantasizing about that far-away girl..ok not the same but you know what I mean! But since I pretty much dropped the subjec the other night, I'll have to bring it up again, and seem excited, so that he stays excited.

 

Maybe it would be a tad weird to ask him about FWB - usually FWB just kind of happens I think, not exactly planned. So the way things are going, you may just end up that way! I have to wait a few weeks to hear what happens? Talking about anticipation!

[LoveLace]

It's 8pm, and my RM hasn't been home all night. No kids, either, he could be with the girl, he could looking at a house, etc, it's his day off but i guess its possible that he got stuck working. I've been trying to appear as though I move on easily. And to think of him doing the same, hurts me. Whatever he's doing, he probably isn't thinking about me. I don't think I"ll last until memorial day! I'll probably go to bed upset again, can't take it much longer! Its only a matter of time before he does something to completely convince that his liking has just been all in my head. It's a viscious circle!

[hope1975]

poor thing!!

it's not all in your head....men are weird creatures...I don't understand them, one minute you're convinced they're interested, the next they act the total opposite way, but he will eventually turn full circle...don't freak out yet...maybe he just went to look for a place, or went out for dinner or to a friends house...could be anything, if there's one thing I've learnt it's don't freak out too soon, there's usually a good explanation for when they disappear.

I haven't heard from my guy all day. He spoke to a friend of mine yesterday & she said he sounded pissed off, but he was fine when I spoke to him yesterday afternoon, so dunno what's happening there. I'll probably text him or something tomorrow.

Have you ever heard of the law of attraction? it states that if we want something bad enough & convince ourself we're going to get it, it'll happen, but there has to be no doubt in your mind that it'll happen....I don't see anything wrong with you having fantastic plans for the memorial weekend...just totally focus on what you want to happen & don't let doubt enter your head. I fantasise about stuff all the time, and then you subconciously attract it into your life.

It happened to me today actually, I was driving along thinking of a guy friend I haven't spoken to in months. I was thinking I really should call him...well, when I got back to my office, I had 8 missed calls on my cell phone...from that guy...I'm not kidding...& I haven't spoken to him in months...it was sooo weird.

Just think positive ok??

keep me posted, talk soon

[hope1975]

ps: is this the longest thread on here or what??? lol

[Chrome Barracuda]

My roommate cooked dinner for me and his kids last night. It wasn't really planned this way, but all 4 of us ended up eating dinner together at the kitchen table. How domestic. It felt right and wrong at the same time. One of the kids pointed out that they haven't had dinner like that since they lived with my roommate and his Ex-fiance. My roommate pretty much kept quiet about it, as did I. Yet I'm supposed to move out in about 3 months. I enjoyed the feeling of family that came out of the dinner...but I can't help but continue to think that, he'd much rather it be another woman in place at the table, he'd rather it be a much more attractive woman; almost any man thinks I'm attractive; but my roommate's standards are ridiculously high. Deep down I know if we got together, I would constantly be too worried that he would cheat because I wouldn't feel up to his standards. It would never work unless he could reassure me over and over.

 

We're getting along incredibly right now, although for some reason there are no more hugs or playful remarks, etc. His much younger "girlfriend" that was around a couple weeks has suddenly disappeared, although it appears that she is texting him an awful lot. He seems distant, like he's in a "blah" mood, and seems to sleep a little more than normal..almost like he's depressed? He also doesn't look me in the eye very much anymore. But like I said, we are getting along just fine. This mood of his didn't come about until we decided not to live together anymore. Maybe something else is causing him to act this way, but normally he tells me when something's going on in his life. Maybe he's worried about his financial status after I'm gone. I haven't even expressed any concern in regards to this, as if I just don't care what happens to him, even though I do.

 

I don't know if he realizes the only reason I want to move is because I could become very attached to the family atmosphere, mean while he's out hitting on younger chicks and banging them to stroke his ego. It makes me feel inadequate, not good enough for him; cuz I"m right there, but then he'd lose his precious bachelor-hood. Yet I do need him, his financial assistance, his household assistance (which has been a major help since I have such a hectic schedule), his handy-man skills. Is it wrong of me to move out because I really just need more? Why do I feel like telling him this wouldn't do any good? I think he's tried initiating something between us before, but it wasn't clear enough.

 

I'm afraid to be the aggressor, while his attitude about marriage stinks (his Ex left him for another) and he seems to think the best thing in life is having multiple girlfriends at a time. I truly think he's bitter about women because of his Ex, and I think his bad attitude about love is a way of hiding his hurt. I will be glad to live alone again, and get my own space again, etc. But why do I continue to feel like we are supposed to be here, like it was meant for us to be this way? Over the years we always joked we'd live together, get married, and we probably would if his attitude were different. But you can't change a person, or their perspective on love. I always wish I could just tell him how wonderful I think he is, but then I'd move, and he'd get out of it with just a bigger head. I know we'll be friends forever no matter what. So perhaps after I move, I could address the true meaning behind our friendship?

 

I had a darn dream that we kissed the other night. I was sad when I woke up to reality!

 

Wow, my heart jumps for you lovelace. Dont give up on this guy, your roomate. I'm very much like him, hurt and in pain. U said that his ex left him for another what man, woman? He's going through a lot of inner pain right now. A pain that aches at him, when a guy goes out and attemptes to sleep with many woman the break up was the catalyst but his behavior is very self destructive. But it makes him feel good. He's a good man I sense that in your posts.

 

But right now he's hurting and he needs to heal, from this pain inside. He's gonna have to do that on his own.

 

But you desire him. You know that, it comes across in your posts. that even you dream about him. but you also sound like you got low self esteem, why is that? So what he has high standards, Clearly he finds you okay if he's feeding you and being your roomie and all. He' being your friend. What's the worse that can happen if you and him try. He rejects you? he doesnt want you. Why are you so down on yourself?

 

Work on bringing your confidence up, making yourself feel beautiful. Everything falls into place. What will be, will be.

 

Oh and men are not weird creatures we are so simple... it's ridiculous.

[LoveLace]

Here's to the longest thread ever! Hope, that is sooo weird about the guy that called you...talking about signs! Could be coincidence....hmmm...have you called him back yet? And was your guy pissed I wonder? Did she mean he seemed pissed about you or just in general? I think maybe my RM just had to work last night, by the way. your right I freaked out.

 

Thanks for your advice Chrome. My roomie is a good man. His break-up happened almost a couple years ago now. And as much as he talks about the girls he just "wants to touch", and how he doesn't trust any woman for love, I'm starting to sense that he really wants to be a family man, and wants a woman to be by his side. I'm even starting to think he was hoping for this all along; with saying we should get a house when the lease is up, etc, but perhaps he thought that I would just come right to him? I mean, he was bringing girls over from the beginning, so I didn't think for a second that he really wanted me.Yes his standards are high, one of the reasons I've been assuming he doesn't want me. But other times, I feel totally sexy, confident, etc, and think there is no way he doesn't want me! My low moments are usually short-lived. I've also lost weight and have been working out, looking and feeling a lot better, so there's no doubt in my mind he's attracted to me. Something keeps telling me that it would make him happy if I said I love him.

 

We've lived together 9 mos, I remember 1 night he told me to come in his bedroom and snuggle up with him and the kids. He's never asked me to snuggle with him alone, but with him and the kids? I just sord of smiled and thought maybe he's kidding. I keep looking back on things like this from the beginning that tell me he wants to be closer. Perhaps he just doesn't know how to do that?

 

My rehearsed speech for memorial weekend would go something like: "I wish I was capable of tolerating more (meaning my stress from nursing school and the kids distracting me too much); I wish I could keep all of you. But I would eventually need a better reason than money to stick around; there is much I will miss, especially you..." and then go on to tell him all the things I love about him, basically.

 

All this time I've been waiting for a man to do this for ME, to come out and tell me how and why he loves me, etc, but I'm wondering if my fate is to do that for someone else.

[hope1975]

yeah I called him back & we went & had coffee could have been coincidence, but wow!!

My friend said my guy was just pissed off in general..actually he never really gets too pissed at me no matter what I do & that's one of the things I love about him. If we do have a fight we always get it sorted out pretty quickly

your speech sounds good to me...I know exactly how you feel about not knowing if your good enough cos there standards are pretty high, and then you have days where you feel great about yourself & you're convinced there's no way he's NOT attracted to you.

so he was just working late?? ahhh see theres usually a good explanation. Have you guys been speaking much? what happened to Ryan?? is he still around?

[LoveLace]

So was there anything special about the coffee date? I hope it went well. Any chance for hooking up there?

 

I had fun with Ryan Friday night, but Sat. he was supposed to call me and he never did, then he goes out of town for his job Mon-Friday. So if he wants to talk or hang out he can call me. I could keep him around for "fun"...but I've already changed my mind about considering him good boyfriend material-at least right now. Plus, the way our schedules are, it could be weeks before seeing him again.

 

Me and RM haven't talked much since Sat. night, when we talked about dad's place Memorial weekend. He works mostly night hours (he's a restaurant/bar manager). At times we go days without seeing each other. I saw him briefly when he left for work Sunday (when he asked if he would see me, then had a girl spend the night). He spent the night 2 in a row on the couch..then had the girl over...it's almost like he just doesn't want to sleep in his bed alone. I think he worked last night, cuz I saw his carrying-case in the kitchen this morning, and he was still up playing video games when I left for work. Not unsual for him, but he has been doing it an awful lot lately. I guess that new video game has him hooked. If he works tonight, there is chance I may only see him a couple more times this week and it probably won't be for very long...we practically just see each other passing...so I cherish those times that we get to hang out on the couch w/out kids around.

 

A couple months ago, we talked and he said "I like you as my roommate", and I agreed, but wished we had a bigger place with more room. Around that time, he was being extra sweet, getting me water, etc, calling me from work just to say "Hi and I'm stressed out" which is very unusual. But I still failed to see any of this as pursuit. Then a girl came over one night, and I realized I can't keep living this way. I told him our lives are too different, etc..he asked if I was jealous of her and I said no. He said "its ok to feel that way". I made it seem as though it isn't fair, because no guy will take me seriously if I LIVE with a guy! He said, I understand. We can't let it ruin our friendship. And we said it would be fun to be neighbors, anyhow, since I'm only moving around the corner.

 

Then he had a new girl spend the night every night for close to 2 weeks. I didn't say a word, or act like I cared or noticed. But it did make me wonder, since he doesn't usually hang out with 1 girl that long. Then I started getting dates, etc. The girl disappeared finally. Then he acted distant, as I've already told you about, then blew up about me moving, as I already told you...but since then, we're being way sweet to each other, hence the plans for dad's place, etc, it almost seems like we want to take back our plans to split. But who's going to admit it? We'll see. But I couldn't get over him saying he likes living with me, only to have a girl over like the next night. I can't help but wonder if he times these things himself! I do question him asking if Ryan is my boyfriend...then he has a girl over 2 nights later, and for the 1st time in a month. Sigh!

[hope1975]

lol...nah nothing special about the coffee date, but it was great to see him again

after reading that last post I'm convinced that he feels like you wanted to move so he's trying to make it easy for you. I don't think he really wants you to go...maybe you should bring it up memorial weekend. I really think you should kinda let him know how you feel. He's giving you some pretty heavy signals.

You know what? I'd just try & ignore the girls...you know he doesn't want to be with them, so don't let them get to you. Maybe that's what he wants, but if he wanted to have a relationship with them, that'd be something to worry about, but he doesn't, so try & ignore them. I know it's hard, but bottom line is he doesn't want to be with any of them, so they're not gonna matter in the end.

At least you get to see your guy briefly, I haven't seen my guy in a month or so...very frustrating....oh well...should see him soon.

Have you guys spoken anymore about going to your dad's? do the kids have to go?

[LoveLace]

The guy you haven't seen in a month, is this the one with the LD girlfriend? When do you think you'll get together for dinner like you were talking about before? do you ever talk to him about other guys you see? You should tell him the story about how funny it was when you thought about that other guy, only to end up having coffee with him! You know, just tell it like, yea isn't that funny? I just wonder how he'd react, thats all.

 

My RM had to work again last night, so no there hasn't been opportunity to talk about memorial weekend or whatever else. I figured he's probably off tonight, since he worked the last 2 nights (I know how his schedule works). There's a carnival going on just a short distance from our place, and I was going to call him today and see if he'd go with me tonight. But a buddy of his came by last night, and told me my RM had just called and talked about getting free tickets to a ball game today. It was a noon game, so he wouldn't think of asking me since I work. But there's no doubt in my mind a girl is taking him, or something along those lines. He knows I love baseball..I texted him and said "I"m jealous! have fun tomorrow!". He never responded. Anyway, I'm sure he won't want to go to a carnival after being at the game all day, so I might ask him about another night instead, we'll see. And it has been easier to ignore the girls lately, easier than it used to be anyhow. And I think your right he doesn't want me to go. I just wish I knew why he really wants me to stay!

 

I do plan to remind him about my dad's house. But when I told him about it, I said "We could all go stay there for the weekend!" - I was half-kidding, but the way I stated it, he assumes I mean the kids, too I'm sure. Which he seemed excited about. If we could make it w/out the kids, boy would that be heaven! Either way, I have no doubts that I'll find a way to use that atmosphere to my advantage, and get everything out. I plan to remind him, and plan to make a consious effort to be excited like he was the other night. If he's off tonight and not still out with his baseball date, I'll probably see him. Might even bring up memorial weekend again. Part of me is afraid he'll act reluctant about it now, since I didn't act as excited as he did, or after thinking it through he realized he doesn't want to have a "family" weekend with me like that, knowing it could make it hard for me to move, etc...actually, it would make it hard!

[LoveLace]

Hey Hope (gosh I should be committed, posting to you 2 times a day!)

I think you may have been right, you said my RM might withdraw more again...he had the girl over Sun. night...he went to the ball game today, and he still isn't home but I'm sure he's off work today. It's 8pm and the game was at noon. On a usual day like that, he'd be home right after a ball game, cuz he got up at noon instead of the normal 2 or 3pm (works nights)...he would be tired and anxious to get to the couch. I have a feeling he's really out tonight. So very little has been said between us, since Sat. night when we talked about memorial weekend. I don't really have a clue when I'll see him again for sure, my schedules crazy. I know all I can do right now is be patient. It isn't like I'd have the nerve to tell him anything if he came through the door right now. So perhaps I never will. I can sit here and say I will talk to him, till I'm blue in the face, and don't be surprised if it never happens. I've already lost guys this way a few times...gee actually it'll make the 2nd time just for my RM alone.

 

I don't want this to turn out the way it did with other guys, he really means more to me than that. I'm just scared! Getting cold feet here. I don't know why it takes so damn much for me to express myself. It should be easy to do with someone I've known so long, and so well.

 

thanx for listening.

[hope1975]

I love reading your posts!!! post 5 times a day if you want

I did tell my guy about the coffee with my friend...I told him about how I got back to the office & had 8 missed calls & he said "what did he want?" I said, just to catch up with me, he said why'd he call 8 times?...he didn't say anything about how coincidental it was. Oh well.

I know how hard it can be to express yourself. It opens you up to being hurt...oh crap, my daughters home & wants the computer

I'll finish this post later I promise xx

[LoveLace]

Hey girl! Well I"m grateful that you don't mind reading about my life, bless you! My RM got home last night finally with the kids. I asked him how the ball game was and he just said it was fine, he looked pretty tired and sun-burnt, etc..Him and the kids were messing with this new guitar-hero game they bought..he had little to say to me..then he sat on the couch and I asked him how is he doing? He said fine and mentioned a girl took him to the game (told ya!) and got a new shirt..I told him the shirt looked good on him, and the colors of his outfit looked good on him. But he didn't say thank you. He wasn't enthusiastic about my presence, thats for sure. Then he and the kids went in the other room to play the game and shut the door. So I'm in the living room by myself watching TV, no big deal, but, you know. It was bedtime for me anyway, so I went to my room.

 

I laid there a little bit and realized I forgot to brush my teeth..so I got up to do that and RM and his daughter were out in the living room now. I went out to talk to them while I was brushing my teeth (is that gross? he he) He said, "we came in here and you were gone". So I went to bed, what's the big deal? Then I explained that I forgot to brush my teeth and I asked them if the new game was cool. Then, he and I discussed the issue of our cable bill and I said good night. But really, don't know what the biggy is about me not being there when they came out, I didn't want to knock on the closed door and bother them just to say good night, I figured it'd be obvious I went to bed!

 

He meets many of these younger girls at work...it's just the perfect environment for that. I remember last summer girls taking him to concerts, baseball games, etc, so it's starting again. We've lived together 9 mos and I can't really think of a fun thing he and I have done together, away from home. We've never gone out to eat together, nothing. I asked if he knew about the carnival last night but he didn't seem anxious about it. One time, me and the whole family went to the mall together, but thats about it. And that was actually pretty fun, I remember feeling so family-ish. But my point is, he had to work until 3 or 4am, but he got up in time for a noon baseball game. If it was me, I don't think he'd get up the early to do something with me. If I said hey, wanna do this with me tomorrow at noon? He'd probably say, "no way, I"ll be sleeping cuz I work late tonight". He'll go out of his way to do things with these little hot girls, yet claims he wouldnt dare keep them. And most of the time, I can't even get him to go with me just to get munchies, I'll end up just getting him something if he wants it.

 

I am a perfectly attractive woman. Well not perfect but you know what I mean, if I'm out I get hit on a lot, been told I'm beautiful a few times or whatever...the other night I kept asking his opinion when I was piecing together an outfit for that night. I kept asking how bout this shirt, in or out? Can you see my thong through these pants? Ha ha...I wonder if its obvious that I'm really just trying to get him to SEE me. I want to him to see that in my own way, I'm just as hot as those chicks are. If you ask me I'm better, because I'm older and classier and know how to dress sexy without looking like a whore. He never complements me. I can think of a couple times in life when he said "you look nice"...I don't think so since being roommates though. When I asked him about the thong that day, he sorda grinned and shook his head like he thought it was funny of me. I wouldn't say its low self-esteem kicking in...but I thought to myself last night...would he get up early to do something with me? Would I be crazy for going after him even though I don't really look a thing like the girls he dates? He likes pencil-sticks. I'm curvy. Once he even called me "bigger" and I disagreed with him. I'm not big; just not built like a cheerleader, for gosh sakes. Just think if we were together, I don't know if I'd be too self-conscious about sex or not. After he's slept with so many 9's & 10's in his life, why would he marry a 6 7 or 8? (I'm one of those, depending on the day!)...all this thinking makes me just want to give up and hope for a guy that wouldn't make me worry so much about it...

[hope1975]

Gosh Lovelace your egos taking a beating from this whole situation. Why aren't you a 9 or a 10?? What makes these other girls any better then you?

I'm not rake thin, but in my experience, most men don't want rake thin females. It's just as hard for me to put on weight as it is to lose it, so I tend to get stuck at this weight no matter what I do. It used to bother me, but i've come to accept that this is me.

Sometimes when we know someone for a long time, they have a certain image of us in their head & it can be hard to change that. I think that's what your guy's problem is..when he looks at you he sees his roommate, you need to shatter that perception and make him start to see you as a gorgeous sexy women. I think you need to do some heavy flirting.

Maybe he doesn't feel like he has to go out of his way to see you, cos you live together, maybe he takes you for granted a little bit. That tends to happen when you're living with someone, no matter how much you like/love that person.

 

The reason he was upset when he came out & you weren't there, is cos he was hoping you would be!!!

 

Maybe you should suggest going out to dinner with him...text him one day & say you don't feel like cooking, does he wanna go out & grab something to eat...or even better, tell him you had a date that didn't work out, you really just want to talk to someone you trust, can you guys go get a meal & talk. I dunno, something like that.

 

If you don't mind me asking, what do you weigh? don't let him make you feel like you should be pencil thin. I've heard guys talking & they've said that sleeping with someone that skinny is like humping a pile of bones...not very sexy. Just be confident in yourself & that'll come across as being sexy...that I can promise you.

[hope1975]

your last post got me thinking...I've just started a new thread asking if guys prefer curvy women or thin ones, and what's too big & too small

 

really curious to see what people say!!

[LoveLace]

I can't wait to see that thread! Oughta be interesting!

 

I weigh around 150 and I'm 5'6", but most people would guess I'm around 130-140lbs. I personally think I'm the perfect size, (not skinny, not fat) and my best friend is always saying I'm shaped like an "hour glass". Sometimes I look in the mirror and think my hips look like shelves! But they are proportioned with the rest of my body...plus I work out, so I'm toned and my stomach is almost flat. If I sit down the rolls come out, but so does anyone's! My RM calls his Ex fiance "big". (But WAS going to marry her!) She is a tall girl, taller than me, but had no curves..just big boobs and a bit of a belly. I always thought she was pretty. But I've heard other guys say they didn't think she was all that special to look at. So since living together, he's been open about his liking for "small" girls. Petite, and skinny, that's what he likes. I'm not petite but I'm no amazon chick either. I actually think I do a pretty good job of acting confident around him. We have flirted just a little since being roommates, but it never escalated. I've left sexy panties in the bathroom floor, bras, etc, I walk around without a bra on all the time! I wear shirts that show my cleavage too! One thing's for sure, I'm not too shy to show him things like that! But as for being naked...hmmm..I don't know! However we did have sex when we barely knew each other many years ago...so he's got a pretty good idea...but by asking him opinions on my outfits etc, I'm trying to do exactly what you said, and change his image of me from years ago, and show him I'm a grown, sexy woman now! (As opposed to the young and naive girl he knew way back then). Anyhow, I have the impression he wants the opposite of what his Ex was, physically...which is exactly what he's been dating. I don't think they are better than me, but looks-wise he probably does. I could only be with him if he assured me that he loves me and looks don't matter.

 

as far as dinner or fun things, lack of is basically because of our schedules being practically opposite...otherwise we'd probably do more, I don't know. But I think he is a little more attracted to me now than in the beginning. Sometimes if I"m dressed for a night out and know I look hot (ok now I sound conceited!) he won't even look at me hardly. It's like, "HEL-LO!!" So maybe its intimidating to him at times.

 

I am going to find that thread!

[hope1975]

oh my gosh....have you seen that thread I started?? I only posted it this morning & theres been like 83 replies....& nearly everyone of them has said they prefer curvy women!!! woo hoo

gosh 150lbs isn't big, plus if you work out, muscle weighs more then fat.

Your roommate obviously found you sexy before when you slept together...do you guys ever bring that up? has it been mentioned at all? Maybe that's how you can make your move!!! bring it up with him somehow!

I'm sure he's attracted to you & not just your looks, but it does sound as if he's a bit intimidated at times...or shy or something. Probably shy...is he normally an outgoing sort of guy? or is he more quiet & reserved, I guess I tend to picture him as being pretty confident & outgoing, being a bar manager, cos that involves alot of customer relations.

have you guys spoken recently?

I called my guy the other night but he didn't answer. then I sent him a text this morning, then he called me, but I missed the call, so I sent him another text cos I didn't really have time to talk....phew...so after all that I have no new gossip for you yet hopefully something exciting is gonna happen soon!!!

[LoveLace]

Your thread is up and running!! Yea curvy is the popular opinion that's great!! You'll have to let me know what happens when you talk to him! I hope a lot happens, so that I"m not the only one typing a book here everyday! he he...by the way...i'm tired saying "my roommate" over and over, bout time I give him a LS name! ha ha...how bout Tom, that'll do!

 

Since it's Mothers Day this weekend, it sounds like Sat. & Sunday are kid free! I got home from school last night around 9, Tom was napping in the living room. I was talking to his daughter about going to the carnival near by, she wants to go, too..thats when she mentioned she'll be gone for Mothers Day most of the weekend. Around 10:30 I went to bed but once I got to my room, I heard Tom get up from his nap! So, just to see him for a few seconds, I went out and pretended like I was adjusting the thermostat!! (your the only one who knows that secret!! ha ha) We both smiled and say hey. I told him I only had to buy 1 book for school this time, so I'll be able to help with our LARGE cable bill...he said he'd be off work today and we'll talk about it tonight. That's the extent of our talking lately! 90% of the time, a kid is there with us, so hard to get into anything deep then! But tomorrow night...if he's off work...we'll be alone...don't know his schedule yet we'll see! Anyway I said see you tomorrow and he said "ok babe"- its been a while since he's called me a pet name- I know we're getting along if he calls me honey or baby- of course I hear him call his waitresses baby on the phone too, so I don't weigh too much meaning on it!

 

But I did tell his daughter about my dad's place for memorial weekend! She loves animals, so I told her she'd like it cuz his backyard is practically the wilderness. Only thing is, I'd feel like I'd have to keep an eye on the kids constantly cuz they are teenagers, they can be sneaky, and my dad's place is pretty nice, know what I'm getting at?! I'll be counting silverware!

 

Well I have busy weekend, nursing clinicals all day both days, but if I'm not around here, Happy Mothers day! I wonder if your guy has anything planned for you?

[LoveLace]

Oh I forgot to address something you said...about Tom's personality...its funny, cuz he's actually confident/outgoing, but shy, too. Years ago, when he drank, no one woulda guessed he had a shy bone in his body! But if he's with people he doesn't know well, he'll be quiet at 1st, then warm up later. At home, he tends to be quiet/reserved for long periods of time. He is definitely confident with women, but somehow still shy with them too I think. When he looked at me and said "wanna watch me play my new video game?" I felt like it was this innocent sweet little boy! With him, I can go from seeing him as a sexy smart man/father, to seeing him as fragile and longing for love...

[hope1975]

ahh my guy won't have anything planned for me for mothers day. I guarantee that..he has enough trouble remembering HIS mother, let alone me lol.

we will probably talk over the weekend though. when we call each other we're usually on the phone for a couple of hours, so hopefully I'll get to talk to him tonight. I'm gonna try & set somethng up for next weekend or the weekend after. for us to go & do something together.

that other thread I started is going crazy!! never expected that many replies..most of them are good replies too hey? I think it's probably helped alot of girls feel a bit better about themselves

 

So you rm called you babe!!, i love it when they do that. my guy does it all the time...sweetheart, babe, even if they don't mean it, it's nice to hear isn't it?

 

oooohhh so the kids will be gone for the whole weekend? yay...hopefully you get to spend some time with him alone. then you can flirt your ass off!!...you'd better!!!

 

I've got a busy weekend too...working mostly..I'll give my guy a LS name too...I'll call him Tim...Tim & Tom

 

I love it when you can see a man as being mature, sexy, smart, a good father, and then at the same time he's this innocent sweet little boy....just makes you love em even more hey? how cute that he asked you to watch him play his game!!...that's so sweet.

 

I'll miss you over the weekend let me know asap how it goes with the kids not being around, & if you get a chance to be alone with him flirt flirt flirt....touch him alot!! do something

 

have a great weekend

[hope1975]

look at all the smilies I used...hahaha

[LoveLace]

I hope you & Tim get something planned together!! Gosh I almost want to encourage you to seduce him, just to hear what the sex was like!! I"m weird! I shouldn't be influencing you! But what a story that would be!

I promise to make more efforts to flirt if me and Tom get to be alone! I admit it was music to my ears to be called "babe"....mmm love it love it! And its as though he does it on purpose, cuz he'll go a while without saying it at all...and look how nice I've been lately, and here he is starting in with it again! Yes I can't tell you how sweet it was when he asked about me watching the video game.. and after talking about memorial weekend...same night I went in my room and cried! That's just how sweet it was!

 

Your thread is successful alright! I've been all over it myself! I thought about starting a spin-off thread about weather or not men dream of having a "trophy" wife, or if they truly feel that it doesn't matter...that might be interesting ya think?

 

Well until next time! I hope we both have something good to tell...Tim & Tom have no idea, how funny! Have a good weekend!

[LoveLace]

Hope:

 

I've been thinking of you! You must tell any or all that's happened with Tim. But get ready for all this. A lots happened this weekend; and there's something new going on that could change both of our perspectives on what's going on with Tom...and keep a question in mind as you read - do I just keep chickening out on wide-open opportunities- or is my reluctance reasonable? This'll be long babe! But at least I have a bit of a twist for ya...I'll get to it!

 

Friday night I came home from work, me and his daughter both wanted to go to the carnival. Tom was off work that day but he wasn't home. At one point he called to check in with his daughter ("Mary")..she asked him if he wanted to go to the carnival. After hanging up, Mary said he gave her permission to go, but he wasn't interested and he was hanging out at his buddy's place. I was a bit ticked at first. But I told Mary we're going anyway. However, Tom didn't know that I was involved in the plans - Mary left that out- its so close he assumed she was walking there with friends I guess. He called back asking Mary questions- I said let me talk to him. I said, is it cool that I take her? He says of course its ok- I was checking to make sure she wasn't up to something; understandable, I said. Then, in the sweetest voice, I said "I wish you could go with us!"- and sweetly back he said "I'm gonna hang out here and play video games for a little bit and come home"- I nicely said ok see you later.

 

Then Tom called us while we were on our way to the carnival, because now he wanted to go! Don't know if he thought it over and figured he should go because of Mary, or if he just appreciated how nice I was about it! So he met us there with a smile on his face, I was happy to see him and hugged him. He held my purse for me while I went on rides with Mary, which I thought was nice. Mary went to bed early and Tom started his video game, the one he asked me to watch that night. I sat on the couch and made it a point to "watch". I finally fell asleep though (had to be early), then said good night and go to bed. He had to work Sat. morning himself, so at 2am I couldn't believe he was staying up longer. He crashed on the couch (a lot of that lately)...don't know how long he stayed up.

 

He still wasn't home from work at 7pm Saturday; I called him to see if he had dinner ideas for the 3 of us. I offered to get us all something by the time he got home, and he implied he'd be home in about an hour or so. Once deciding on a place for carry-out, I called to tell him what I was getting for Mary and I. He said "oh never mind I'll just get myself something cuz I don't want it to get cold"...huh? Whatever, so I go to Steak N Shake and decide to at least get him a choc. shake while there, cuz I know he likes them. I texted him that I got him one, but he didn't respond. He got home finally about 9:30pm. We paid our bills together, and some girl called him. See these young girls like to go out and party, etc, and he isn't into that. He doesn't drink, and he's content at home. Plus he had to work again this morning. But he still invited the girl over - I wanted to puke. I heard him tell her, he's just chilling out and going to bed but she could still come over. Sounded like she declined. It could be that she finds him boring, or for all I know, any knowledge of me is too intimidating for her. I heard him tell her to call him tomorrow.

 

I was estatic about our little family evening at the carnival...but there's a reason I don't let myself get too excited about them- cuz the very next day I hear him having a phone conversation like that one. And he isn't mine so he has every right to be that way. Ok...have a seat...here's the twister...

 

I've mentioned to you he's a recovering alcoholic of 7 yrs. But before rehab, and even after rehab, he had a couple of bad phases with cocaine. I know 2 mutual guy friends of ours who do it a lot, and still do, and Tom has been known (years ago) to hang out and do it with them. Also, its around a whole lot in the environment he works in (sports bar where the waitresses are all young, hot, and party animals). I confess I've done it a few times, once in a blue moon over the last few years, in social situations - bad I know - but I'm not a person who could even think about paying for it, or making it a habit. But I"ve seen people I'm close to get way too involved with it, so I know all the signs of the addict. I knew about Tom doing it many years ago- I'm sure it stopped completely when he got back with his fiance a few years ago; But now I'm wondering if their split, on top of his job, has drove him to use again. Here's why:

 

A couple months ago he dated this young chick who spent the night many nights in a row, and he was up way late every single night, crabby at times, and really distant from me. I felt like I didn't even know him then- but coke didn't cross my mind. There was one night in December that he stayed out all night long with his work's XMAS party - the next day he was blowing his nose, etc, and it did cross my mind then but I figured hey it was the XMAS party and he had a little fun. I believe its possible to just do something every once in a while without getting in deep - I'm an example and I know other examples. Mary wasn't living with us yet when the XMAS incident occurred. A week or two ago, I noticed he seemed to be going in the bathroom kind of a lot...I said, "ya got diarrhea or somethin?"..he says no he's been drinking a lot of water. And he was in fact drinking water at the time. But this Friday night after I went to bed, I heard him blowing his nose from my bedroom. And he did go in the bathroom once or twice I think. But he wasn't acting hyper or speedy. I saw a few tissues in the trash yesterday. I don't know how long he stayed up with the video game- but then he worked the next morning, and didn't get home until 9pm, cuz he was hanging out with work friends--you'd think he woulda been tired to do all that.

 

Last night, he said he was going to bed and I said me too. Awkward hug...I bent down to hug, then he pulled back, then I bent down closer and hugged him still...earlier last night, I gave him a hug and kiss on the cheek from behind him in a chair, and he made that "mmm" sound, like he liked it. Anyhow I go to bed but my phone rings so I came out in the hallway to talk to my friend. Suddenly he got up and walked out the door (this is like midnight last night). Went back in my room, came back out to get something, and Mary's phone rings, and its Tom...she's saying "yea, yea, chuckles, I love you too..." Went to my room and look out the window -- he was in his car, just sitting there! He was out there for like 15-20 min. WTF? He came in, I came out and without Mary knowing, I pulled him off to the side and jokingly said, "are you doing coke or something?" He says No way, your trippin', good night" and goes back to the couch. I thought he said he was going to bed? Apparently not.

 

Then I called my cousin, coke user on occasion - he just asked me a few weeks ago if I thought Tom was doing it, just because of where he works, etc. And again, I heard Tom blow his nose. My cousin says a mutual friend and user - "Rick" - saw Tom at the ball game the other day with girls that he knew were doing it, but Rick was convinced that Tom wasn't doing it. And I saw him that night - he was beat up and tired and barely spoke to me. This is when he said "we came out and you were gone"...

 

Again, don't know how late he was up till last night. But he was on the couch again this morning when I left, while Mary was in his room sleeping..usually, he'd be in there with her. Point being, if he's using, it could explain why he's been so nice lately. The bathroom trips that seemed to take longer than a pee would. I still don't think he's the type to let it get the best of him, however he's been down that road- I'm worried.

 

He knows I'm onto him now, obviously. So that'll make it harder to bust him if I want to. I sorda wished I waited till I had more full proof. And sitting in his car last night, thats really bugging me. When he lived with his Ex, he stopped all bad habits (cigarettes, etc.) and gained quite a belly. But since they split up, he's back to being as thin as he was years ago. I've always thought of it as a normal thing for people going through a split though.

 

I am still dying to talk with him about us...but also don't know what to believe about my suspicions. He stopped it all for his Ex, so I'm sure he would next time he settled down. But his Ex also complained of how "boring" he was. Geez, is he only fun if he's doing drugs? I also know he did it the whole time we hung out years ago; but didn't learn of it until well after. Then he settled with his Ex and got real comfortable, and most of our social group was rarely in touch with him, and we very rarely saw him. But his kids had began living with him too...he might be mad at me for what I asked him last night. I just laughed it off and went back to bed. He's at work today and it'll be interesting to see when he gets home tonight...Mary is gone, so he might take advantage. I hope things won't be awkward now...sorry this is ridiculous and long...but your the only one I can talk to about it all!