What do my feelings mean?

[hope1975]

I find it hard to believe that he was too busy to even send me a quick text back.quote]

Oh Geezknow what you mean...that is the most frustrating thing when you send someone a text & they don't reply.

I can't believe he didn't even congratulate you or anything...did he even realise that you passed?

maybe there is something else going on in his life right now, or like you said, maybe it's one of his distancing games...

[LoveLace]

Your right Hope, he has the best of both worlds and he has realized that I won't put up with it. One night a couple weeks ago, his kids took off on me for like an hour and I didn't know where they were. So when they got home I yelled at them. I told them not to take off like that without telling me. I didn't want to bother my RM at work so I handled it myself. He knew about it later and just said it was "funny". Otherwise I haven't been mad at him for anything for quite a while, I've been a perfectly good mood around him, etc...then just the other night, I get up from a nap and again, the kids are gone and I don't have a clue where they are. But instead of jumping to conlusions and yelling at them again, I called my RM first this time. I said, do you know where your kids are? He said, "yea they are out"...they just walked to the store or something, which is fine, but I explained to him I just wanted to make sure with him before I assumed they just took off for no reason.

 

So then suddenly yesterday he says the plan for me to move Aug. 1 still stands and if I don't move then he will, yadda yadda, as if I've done something to him. Now I'm just pissed and annoyed and can't wait to get out of there. I said I know it still stands, I never changed my mind. He said, "I know it's too stressful for you and I don't blame you". Which is good of him to say. But it's as though my phone call about the kids prompted him to say all this. He apparently thinks it's bitchy of me to call him if I have a concern about his kids. If he doesn't like that, he shouldn't leave them with me in the 1st place. They can always live with their damn mother, but she keeps kicking them out and pawning them off onto my RM. It's like excuse me, but your kids have been missing for an hour and a half and I'm just supposed to blow it off? It all goes back to when I was pissed at him for going out all night while leaving the kids there with me. He's actually stupid enough to think that it doesn't make me responsible for them. Said I'm not responsible since he's just a "phone call away".

 

So I'm itching to get out of there now. He'll never find a roommate, weather it's a friend or a girlfriend, who will be ok having his kids there while he's at work almost every night of the f***ng week. If he thinks that someone else would handle it any different than me, he's crazy. When he brought up the moving yesterday, he was acting as though I forgot about it (cuz I've been in a good mood lately?)...no, I've just had too much other stuff going on to talk about it. It's been lower on the priority list since we have until August. It's like he's treating me like girl-who's-moving-out-anyway. If he keeps that up, I'll make it clear, until the very day I am out the door, he'd better still respect me as though I wasn't leaving. It isn't fair to make me feel like a guest in my own home until then. That's how I felt when the girl was spending the night every night. Anyway, I guess he thinks that since I've been a "happier" person lately, that maybe I was hoping he'd want to keep living with me. Cuz he sure felt the need to make it clear that he will not renew the lease with me. What am I supposed to do, act sad? Well I'm certainly not sad. But now I'll be the one to act distant, because of his attitude yesterday. If he starts to take advantage of the fact that I'm moving out and take over the place as though I'm already gone, I'll jump down his throat. For one thing, that's not how you treat someone that you claim is a "friend". I'm not even sure that I like him as a person much anymore, much less as a boyfriend. He was right that it's all too stressful for me, and I absoutley can't wait to be done with it. hell, just looking at him stresses me out!

[hope1975]

oh LoveLace...wtf is his problem??

If he thinks your bitchy for worrying about his kids, that's crazy...I have a 14 year old myself & she can't leave a room without me wondering where she is, he should be grateful that he has someone around who is actually concerned about his kids while he's not there

unless.....hmmm...maybe he thinks you feel pressured by the responsibility of the kids...maybe he feels guilty for not being there, cos it sounds like he's stressing to you that you aren't responsible for them...but at the same time he has to go to work, and feels bad for leaving them with you.

Actually that makes alot of sense cos it would explain why he bought up the moving thing with you again...maybe he thinks you'll be happier not having to worry about his kids...cos otherwise it doesn't make alot of sense...I mean, where else did this change of attitude come from??

he did say "I know it's too stressful for you and I don't blame you".....sounds to me like he feels bad for leaving the kids with you and shifting the responsibility onto you....kind of like he wants you to move out to set you free from him & his baggage if you know what I mean, but at the same time this probably upsets him, which is where his attitude is coming from i think.

basically it sounds like he's pissed at himself, but taking it out on you.

I really think you guys need to have an open honest heart to heart discussion about everything before anyone moves anywhere...do you think he'd be open to that?

people can be so complex sometimes...I started another thread about body language, cos I was interested in how to pick up hints on whether a guy is really truly interested in you, and one reply said that 90% of communication is non verbal...90%!! so what's his body language like around you? You said all the touching has stopped, but does he look straight at you when he's talking to you? does he stand close to you, or watch you when he thinks you're not looking?

maybe his attitude has changed so dramatically, cos he cares more then he lets on & the fact that you're moving out is really getting to him...obviously it's getting to him more then it is you...he's the one bringing it up.....

[LoveLace]

His kids are also 14. I didn't mean for it to bother him so much that I called him at work. I just didn't want to yell at them if I didn't have to. He can't expect me to just know what they are doing and not worry if they've been gone for an hour or two. Is there any person that would just not worry? All it means is I care about the kids! How can I not? Especially when I think I even see them more than he does!

 

But I do feel bad for making him feel so bad. if we were to get together, things might be different..in that case, it wouldn't feel so much like he was taking advantage of the situation. Anytime you date someone with kids, you should expect to play some kind of parental role because it comes with the package. So I guess I'd be more willing to do so without stressing about it so much if we were actually together. But it wouldn't change the fact that I'm in nursing school and all the distraction can really get to me, which wouldn't change no matter what our relationship status is. So if anything, I guess it's just the wrong time in my life to be living with a man and his kids. But there is no proof that things might be different or better without nursing school, or if we became a couple. Who ever is home with his kids, I get the impression that he expects that person to just blow everything off, and/or handle everything without needing to call him. Which is an unrealistic expectation, if you ask me. Another example of something that may not change weather I was his GF or not. He did seem excited about us being "neighbors" though, since I will stay in the same complex. I told him I hope that we do get to be neighbors. That way, we can still hang out as a family if we want, and if he and I want to start something, we'll have the option. Maybe part of me still hopes that we can end up growing old together. He used to do things like you described..standing close, etc...but nothing like that in quite a while...and he has not been looking me in the eye as much...but we'll see if things change now that he got the stuff off his chest yesterday...

 

But I am excited about my new guy, who I get to see next weekend. We'll see what happens.

 

Do you still have feelings for this guy or not? Cuz if you do, all this communication with you might not be a good idea. Usually, if a friend has feelings for us, but we don't wanna hurt them, we wouldn't do anything to give them an idea that we return the same feelings. So for him to contact you that much almost seems to be on purpose. You've done a good job of accepting that he "loves you" but doesn't REALLY love you or whatever. You said he knows how you have felt; and even though he claims to feel different - even then I think its strange that he continues to be so friendly so often. I guess if it's not hurting you at all, and if you don't want to lose him as a friend, then it's not going to do any damage. But if I was you, I'd be thinking he had something for me - even though he already once said he didn't! I don't know why any guy would take so much time into letting you know how much they love you, etc, etc,....something doesn't fit right there, but I guess it could just be that since you appear ok with it all, that he can do whatever he wants.

[hope1975]

Hey if he feels bad about the whole situation with his kids, then that's his issue to deal with...you didn't MAKE him feel bad..what I'm trying to say is that deep down he probably feels guilty for not being there...but that's his issue, not yours, so don't think you made him feel that way. Any person in your situation would have done the same thing..me included.

14 is way too young to be taking off & not telling someone where you're going.

your feelings for this guy won't go away overnight, but if this new guy turns out to be "something" it'll make it alot easier

In regards to my guy, you hit the nail on the head!!...that's exactly why I'm sooo confused....I'm starting to think that maybe he does have some sort of feelings there, but what he said before contradicts that, so I dunno....there's actually a bit more to the storey he has this relationship (kinda) with this girl from overseas...they've only seen each other a couple of times over the past 5 years..but she may be coming over here to live. he claims he loves her but then he says things that contradict that as well. like he hasn't met the right women yet.

scared of commitment maybe?? I'll never understand men!!!!

[LoveLace]

Hi Hope! How funny we've made this thread all our own!

 

Sounds like he might have unrealistic expectations of this relationship with the girl overseas. How does he love her so much? Because of phone conversations? Sounds like he might be living in some kind of fantasy world...could even be the only thing keeping him from going after you. Do you guys ever get together and do things like go out? Maybe you could suggest a dinner and drinks. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to be in an intimate environment and perhaps have another discussion about what's really going on with you two. Cuz I refuse to think there is just nothing there for him. It's almost like he's in denial of his own interest.

 

Since my RM suddenly seemed so sure that he does not want to live with me anymore (total turn-around from a couple months ago), I called and found out about a 1 bedroom that will be available when our lease is up. I even walked over to the apt. when I got home from work to see where it was in the complex. Then I went home and took a nap. RM woke me up to order Chinese. I told him where my new apt. is going to be. He looked slightly stunned. The day before he was practically accusing me of changing my mind and pretty much saying well look this is what we're doing. He was convinced that I was having a change of heart. So I think it stunned him a little when I announced I have a new apt. the very next day. The rest of the night he barely looked at me or spoke to me. When I talked about school he pretty much ignored me (the kids always listen though )...He's making me feel like he wishes I didn't even exist. Of course I'm still in a good mood, etc, so maybe it bothers him that I'm not acting sad about moving. I don't know, but if he treats me like that from here on out, he's damaging the friendship. Because a friend is happy for you, supportive, etc, but he has so little to say to me that its crazy.

 

I understand if I'm on his nerves or he can't wait until I move, but geez, he's making me feel uncomfortable in my own f***ng home and it's pissing me off.

[hope1975]

haha i know, we've taken over this thread

I honestly think that you moving is upseting him a bit & that's the cause of his behaviour, he's distancing himself from you now, so it won't be so hard when you go...that's what it really sounds like to me

If he really wanted you out & was so happy you are going, he wouldn't be acting all quiet and aloof...he'd be happy!!

Maybe you should call him on it & ask him what the f&*k his problem is..(in a nice way though:) )....does he still bring girls back or has that stopped?

Alot of the time we don't know what we've got until it's gone & maybe he's slowly realising that, but he needs to be more open with you, he sounds like someone who doesn't let his true feelings be shown (obviously this is cos he's been hurt badly by his ex)

have you given him any clues recently that you're still interested in him?

and with my guy...EXACTLY!!! how does he love her so much?? I think it may be very different if she comes over here & they hit the reality button !!....we actually do go out every month or so for dinner, lunch, breakfast, or drinks...it's usually in a pretty intimate environment, like a nice restaurant, with candles & stuff...but nothing ever happens ...he said to me once that he has had every opportunity to take advantage of me but never has...I was like "c'mon take advantage of me!!!" lol

I think you might be right about the whole fantasy thing...I think he has this ideal picture in his head of what his life will be like & he's put this other girl on a pedastal...he said to me once that there are obstacles in the way of us being together, mainly someone else, so I think she is a huge part of it...but he's also said he just doesn't feel that way about me. He never asks me to go out, it's always me asking him, which drives me crazy. so many mixed signals...it's crazy...if it was someone else's situation, I'd probably tell them to stop wasting their time, but because I'm involved in it, I can't seem to take my own advice lol

[LoveLace]

I'm horrible at taking my own advice too....horrible! But he talks about taking advantage of you, yet "doesn't like you that way"? They are contradictory statements..if you ask me...like you just told me you don't what you have until its gone..so I wonder if you suddenly disappeared or wasn't available for period of time, how he would react?

 

There hasn't been any girls over, but I think thats only because he has 2 kids living there right now...the apt. is too small to have much company on top of that. And he isn't one to spend the night at someone else's place...he might stay out all night every once in a while, otherwise he is always home for bed. If one of the kids gets to go back home to mom, I wouldn't be surprised if he brings the chicks back around. However I can't say I've heard him on the phone with any lately.

 

But over the last few weeks, I decided that just because I'm moving doesn't change my love for him. So my behavior has gone back to pretty much the way it was when we 1st moved in. I've nice, happy, affectionate (like the other night I rubbed his hair and said good night before bed)..hence the reason I suspect he thought I was hoping to keep living there. I didn't want him to think I blamed him for everything, that's why I wanted to show that it's all ok and that I am ok. Then, like I said, he practically accused me of saying "I don't know" about moving now. I told him I wasn't blowing it off, just too busy to talk more about it lately. But now that he's blown up at me like that, I've lost the desire to be the lovable person I am to him. His own distance is pushing me farther away now. So if I start acting distant myself, he will probably interpret it as me being sad about moving. Which he'd be wrong about. But I am sad to feel this dislike towards him a person right now. There was a time, years ago, when I thought he was the best thing in the world. But now I have more opinions of him than I ever thought I could. Right now, "cold" is the way I'd describe it. He's barely there with me. Expressionless. I'm assuming he doesn't want me near him or touching him. We used to be huggy-kissy (on the cheeks) and now it's like I hardly know the guy I've known for 10 years.

[hope1975]

do you think he would talk to you about it?..he obviously has some issues he's going through, people don't just turn all cold & distant for no reason & as I said, if he was happy you were going he'd be acting happy....not cold...I definately think there's something there...but he needs to be open about it cos right now he's sending you the wrong signals & like you said, if you start acting all cold towards him, he may misinterpret that.

oh god he must be driving you nuts!!! I would definately talk to him on his own, if that's at all possible....and if he's not having any girls over, or talking to anyone much on the phone anymore, I think that's a HUGE sign that he's struggling with some inner feelings. Even with both kids there, guys are guys, and if he really wanted other girls there, they'd be there regardless.

I can see what you mean about how his distant attitude is pushing you further away though, that's only natural, but maybe he's putting his barriers up to avoid being hurt when you go. I'm almost 100% sure that's what it is....it definately sounds that way.

If I disappeared for a period of time, my guy'd probably be a bit freaked & call & call me..a few times I've pulled away & he's chased me, but the last time it happened he said "don't you dare go all quiet & pull away, cos next time I won't chase you"

so who knows!!!

[LoveLace]

Oh my gosh, he threatend you! He said if you pull away then you will supposedly lose him forever. First of all, gee like that would be the end of the world, I think you'd be ok. Secondly, he's full of ***t!! I guarantee he'd chase you again. You should do it on purpose, just prove me right! Then, maybe you could say, look what you say and what you do are 2 different things. You say you don't have feelings for me, but you do this, and you do that, and you said this and that, do you realize that your actions could still give me the wrong idea? I accept it if you don't want me "that way", but maybe this should change the format of our friendship. You shouldn't call me everyday like I'm your girlfriend. You shouldn't "chase" me if I want space, because I've had feelings for you, yet you insist on being a big part of my life....and yet I'm the one who initiates a lot of the time we spend together...give me space so that I can maybe find a guy who is a lot like you, except wants me just me as much as I want him...

 

It's like this dude needs a wake-up call. He needs to wake up from his dream that takes place overseas and look and see what is right in front of him. He knows it's there, but has his reasons for not doing anything about it. I just don't see why anyone would want to spend so much time with another without having feelings...unless he was gay!

[hope1975]

lol...yeah that'd be my luck...he's probably gay!!

Nah, he's not ...I know he's going through alot of personal **** at the moment, so I'm trying to be patient & wait until thats passed, then I'm going to say something I think.

how's things going with your rm??? have you gone out with the new guy yet?

[LoveLace]

Hello my lovely friend! Well you are being a good friend by being patient with him and his troubles right now. But as long as his mind is on the far-away gal, he may never be able to think with a clear head when it comes to you or other women. She's clouding his ability to see what else is good for him...If you have the urge to say something to him, you should! When it feels right, anyway. (wish I could take my own advice..) His feelings about you might be a bit different than they were at the time of the last discussion. They might have grown, if anything. You must keep me up to date!

 

I'm supposed to see my new guy this weekend but it's actually up in the air, cuz 1st I made plans with a girl friend and when I suggested Ryan meets up with us, she didn't like that idea. I emailed her to say I'd go out with her anyway, but haven't heard back. We'll see but I hope I get to see him one way or another.

 

Monday I called the lanlord and they told exactly which 1 bedroom I can move into. Which just around the corner since I'm staying in the complex. So I got home from work and told RM where my new apt. is. It was only the day before when he insisted that we're still moving or whatever. When he apparently thought I was still unsure. So I think he was a bit surprised when I announced the new place so soon after. He was so quiet the rest of the night. When I talked about things at school that I'm excited about, etc, he would just kind of look at me but wouldn't respond. No "that's sounds cool" or anything of the sort. His kids were listening though! Since then I only saw him Tuesday just before going to a friend's house. He asked if I was going out but I said no just a friend's. When I returned later, he was on the internet, I think maybe looking at houses. The kids said hi and he said hi, but would not look at me, he stayed glued to the computer screen. It was late so I just went right to bed and didn't hang out with everyone like I usually would for a few minutes.

 

Perhaps he was just concentrating. I haven't seem him since because of our schedules. I've wondered if I"ve made him feel not good-enough for me or something, the way I stress the importance of school to me and how this living situation can be too distracting at times. But I know him. And I know that no matter how he feels for me, he will easily move on from this without blinking....that is if I remain quiet about things.

 

Even though I love him, I'm skeptical to admit so, because I've already met guys out there who I think are more capable of making me happy. My RM's just so emotionally hidden and unromantic, and has that "my way or the highway" kind of attitude. He's also pretty homey and isn't very social outside of his job...I want a guy that will hang out with me and my friends. I'm sure I'd be the girl who's boyfriend stayed home. I keep remembering when his Ex fiance would tell me how he was "boring" and rarely wanted to do anything fun. Perhaps it was just her. But she left him for another in the end. So who's to say I wouldn't do the same thing...and I don't want to be the 2nd one to hurt him that way.

 

But before moving, I want to tell him I do wish that he and the kids were all mine to keep, but they are not. I never meant to make him feel guilty or to make the situation as hard for him as it has been for me. I'll even say I love you, but don't think you are what I truly desire in a husband. You know the saying "love isn't always enough"....and it wouldn't be if I didn't feel that he was giving me what I needed from him. He's sweet, but I can't see him treating me like a queen the rest of my life..not many guys do..but that's what I seek when I think being the happiest I can be! Since getting the new apt. has made our split official, there's been a feeling of sadness within me. I just hope this is all happening because it's really supposed to, hoping I dont regret it later and wish we would have gotten together. But it's such a fragile risk for a 10 yr. old friendship. I almost hope that he doesn't love me back and isn't feeling hurt. That makes it easier for me to go!

[hope1975]

hey there chick

can't wait to hear about your weekend & if you got to see the new guy!!

After reading your last post, it got me thinking that maybe he doesn't seem to be what you want in a husband/partner in the long term.

I nearly cried in the part about how you wish him & the kids were yours to keep ...My friend I've been telling you about is always saying to me that love isn't always enough, there are other factors that you have to consider.

Why does it have to be so complicated hey?? why can't it be easy to just meet someone & fall in love.

I think you're right, he keeps all his emotions bottled up inside & seems like a pretty introverted person..but you never know, maybe he would open up if you two were together, maybe he just needs the right partner.

Of course you're sad cos you're leaving & I bet he is too, although he wouldn't be showing it...I honestly believe that whatever is meant to be will be & it'll work out for the best in the end. You moving out is going to be a turning point in the relationship I think.

He'll probably miss you like crazy ...you've known him a long time...10 years is too long to just walk away from.

Men seem to come across like they can move on from things alot easier then us, but in my experience, they often actually take it harder, they just don't show it. I had a roommate once who had been my friend for close to 10 years...we had kind of a "friends with benefits" sort of relationship...anyway, one day we had a fight & he used to trest me the way your roommate treats you, so I moved out....I came back later that day to get some of my stuff & he was sitting there crying his eyes out, he begged me not to leave, and so I didn't & we lived together for another 4 years...eventually he ended up proposing, and we got engaged, but we realised it wasn't really what either of us wanted in the end.

The point I'm trying to make is when I moved out, he actually took it alot harder then me & I had no idea cos he used to treat me exactly the same way your roommate treats you...very cold towards me sometimes, didn't talk to me...not romantic at all. You can just never tell.

Let me know how you go over the weekend

[LoveLace]

gosh Hope your post makes me sad too! And all this time you were once in a similar situation...except mine is without the benefits of course.

I do think part of him is sad. I am too. But moving out is still best. And I think it will help our friendship more than hurt it for sure. And there is always a chance that living a part will make one or both of us realize what the hell has really been going on.

 

The other day I was telling about a conversation with my mother - I told her I want to be a traveling nurse and she I better take her with me, yadda yadda. I told my RM this and he said, "oh yea that's a way to find a husband!"....it was the 1st time he's ever acknowledged that I even want a husband, or even a serious relationship. I rarely talk about it because I never wanted him to think I was hoping for him to become my husband. Have I made him think that this was a trial for me and decided I don't want him as my husband?!

 

Anyhow I think his youngest daughter is a little sad, too...she's been living with us a while now, so it's me and her together while he's at work. She can get on my nerves but I like her company too. Ah well gotta stop thinking about it for now...I'm hoping for a good weekend...I'll keep up to date...and I will remember everything you have told me in the mean time..

[hope1975]

oh don't let my post make you feel sad....I actually hadn't even thought of that situation in years,,,,it just popped into my head again when I read your previous post..that guy & I went different ways years ago...I still talk to him randomly, but it was me that kinda lost touch with him. So weird how feelings change....that guy was once the world to me, and now I hardly even think about him. I do every so often, but we had waaay to many issues to overcome.

So he said "that's not the way to find a husband" oh my gosh...sounds like the sort of thing my guy says to me all the time...now is that a hint???

I tend to think it is...I mean why else would he bring it up?...if you're not interested in someone, you avoid talking about all that kind of stuff right? what did you say when he said that?

I don't think you've made him feel as if this was a trial, & you don't want him as a husband...I wouldn't take it that way at all....maybe you should say something like "I already know who & what I want..I don't have to go searching for it" ...see what he says, without coming right out & telling him you want him.

mmmm sounds promising, I'd be excited if I was you, but at the same time I'm hopeless with signals!! my name on here should be hopeless...not hope lol

[LoveLace]

Well, he was being sarcastic...like how am I supposed to find a husband if my mom is following me everywhere? I don't know if that still sounds like a hint? But I still found it odd that he was outwardly acknowledging that I DO want a husband one day. After deciding to move out, etc, now he's metioning me getting a husband. Hmm..I just don't know!

 

Your name should be Hope! because you say things that not only give me hope for me and my roommate that we'll both be happy no matter what.. but for myself in general, hope that even if its not my roommate I belong with, that it is with somebody...and you've also given me hope that maybe he does feel the same...even though I don't know that I want him to...

 

New guy hasn't called but we're supposed to hook up tomorrow night. Neither of us said who would call who, but we said we'll keep in touch. So I don't know if I should call him tomorrow, or what...geez!

[hope1975]

aww your sweet thanks lovelace

I hate that "lets keep in contact" line...so confusing...if it was me, I'd call or text him...probably a short text actually just saying hey are we still on for tomorrow?

I think you may be right...you're moving out and NOW he brings up the whole husband thing?? I don't think that's coincidence.

ahhh I know what you mean about not knowing if you want him to feel the same way...sometimes I think to myself if my guy actually wanted me & began really pursuing me, I'd run a mile but I think I have a fear of commitment...my friends think I'm looking for something that doesn't exist, they think I'm looking for Mr Perfect & he doesn't exist..hmmm maybe they're right, I have some guys that are prefectly nice & good looking and interested, but I don't want any of them, instead I'm chasing something (or someone) that is already involved with someone else (even if she is far away)...maybe it's cos I know deep down there's no future there...I can't stand clinginess in men & if he really started chasing me, I know it'd drive me away...I even told him this (kind of) & he said, if he had turned around & said lets go & have sex, I would have gotten scared....I said no, I'd get scared if you started becoming all clingy with me.

but at least I know I have a fear of commitment & admit it...he doesn't & he's really got a fear of commitment.

god how confusing...it's not meant to be i don't think...he wants to talk to me today regarding the business...I'll let you know how we go

text your guy!!!

[LoveLace]

Gosh are we the same person? We're a lot a like! My friends tell me how picky I am, but they also compliment me for it. Because I'm not "settling". But I do think I'm too picky at times. But I don't look back on the guys I've passed up with regret, cuz obviously they weren't meant to be. And I don't like the clingy guys either! I complain that I can't find a guy who wants to be exclusive, yet I run from the ones who push for it! Am I running from my roommate? Well, can't say that I guess, cuz it isn't like he's ever tried to even make me his girlfriend or whatever...not in my eyes anyway. Ya really think him mentioning a husband means anything? Should I even bother to read into it? I must be curious though, since it's been on my mind.

 

The new guy texted me today! We got our nights mixed up. He thought I was going to be in his area tonight, but I wasn't going to be until tomorrow night. So I called him and he said he and his buds might be coming back towards my neck of the woods later; told him I'd meet up if he does. It's raining and crappy out, so I don't really want to drive out to where he is, only to get too drunk and have to leave my car there. I might have just made myself look effortless in wanting to see him; but oh well. Small misunderstanding.

 

My roommates working nights this weekend, but his kids are at their moms until Sunday. It's so kind of rare for it to be just us, that it makes me want to run! (what do ya know!)..and I know it could be the perfect opportunity to talk with him about things. I'm thinking it'll never happen cuz I just freeze up and get too scared. So again, maybe I'm a lot like you! Here I am trying to hook up with a guy that is only in town on weekends! Ha what does that say! So perhaps I'm not really too picky..but scared of committing, scared to death of what I claim to want the most!

 

Let me know how it goes with your guy. I'm wondering if he's really just like you...and deep down only wants the one far away because unconsiously, he knows it's unrealistic. I'd think that if he wasnt scared of committment himself, then he wouldn't be in what seems like "denial" that all he really needs/wants is you, or at least someone like you. I mean, I think anyone is capable of obsessing over something that long-distance, because it's so challenging. We fantasize about conquering things like that. So much so, that we lead ourselves to believe it will happen, has to happen, and fantasies are never bad, only extrordinary! So of course your going to want it real bad! The crappy part is, when something finally makes you realize it was all just talk...it can hurtful and disappointing. So if he ever gets to that point with this girl, he might either a)be too disappointed to give others a chance (even you unfortunately)...or b)will lower his expectations of what really makes him happy...or in other words will be more able to see things as they really are. I would like to know, exactly what efforts this girl is making to really be with him? I mean, is she really working towards having a life with him? Or does he just think she is?

 

Just a thought....talk to you soon!

[hope1975]

I know we're so alike hey??? how strange

my guy just called and spoke about this girl to me...said he just knew it was right with her...she might be coming out here in a few months..dunno how long for.

he was going through what he liked about her, and it's all the same qualities I have, even down to us saying the same things to him....very strange conversation. we were on the phone for 2 hours..it was kinda weird too cos he said last night he wanted to talk to me, but when we talked it wasn't about anything urgent.

so you get to spend some alone time with your rm?? how exciting...now's your chance girl. make a move

If the new guy is really interested he won't give up over a small misunderstanding like that.

ohhh I'm excited for you...you have to let me know what happens with your rm

oh geez I'm depressed about my conversation...I don't wanna hear how much he loves her

I would definately think that "husband" comment your rm made was some sort of hint, but I'm hopeless at picking up signals I'd take it as a hint though, even if it's just a small one.

anyway, let me know how your weekend goes...I'll be thinking of you

[LoveLace]

Gosh, it sounds like my RM flaunting his GF's in my face...it hurts and it takes a lot for me to hide it. Others thought he was playing the jealous game. Maybe your guy wants you to be jealous! Just like my RM, he knows you've had feelings for him in the past. Yet he rubs the girl in your face knowing this. god it's like we're in the same exact sitch! Do they both want us to be jealous?

 

I hung out with Ryan last night, he and a couple buds of his, and it was very fun. We are sleeping together though too. Soon I know, but since he's only here weekends, it's like, hey why not have a weekend boyfriend? He wants to see me again tonight! But I have a girl friend going to another town for a big party. That would cost me a good chunk of $ but Ryan would cover me! I like him but he's a little...crazy...I just don't want a guy that just wants to get wasted every time we hang out. Maybe he'll get more romantic if we keep seeing each other. Cuz he is pretty nice to me. But he's also blunt, like myself...my car was had so much trash/junk in it, from front to back, that it was crazy. I've been too busy to clean it lately. He said "Oh, there is just no excuse for that!"...does that sound father-ish? I don't know, but it made me laugh and I ended up cleaning my car today. Nothing wrong with cleaning up my act for someone else right? My RM knows all about him now, pretty much. I didn't come home last night, for one thing. H

 

He was asleep on the couch when I arrived back at 10am today. No kids here, but he slept on the couch instead of his bed. As though he waited up. However we are both known to just sleep on the couch some nights for no reason. He heard me on the phone talking about Ryan and said, "is that your boyfriend?"..I said "uh--whatever you wanna call him..". Then, I was getting ready to go, all dressed up and asking his opinions on my outfit (I do that a lot) and he's always honest...anyhow, I said "I wouldn't want to live with me either!" kidding around. He says "you don't bother me. I'm sure that I bother you a lot more". Me: "I don't know, I think I bother you a lot too". He says no, no...

 

So I look good and smell good, etc, and kiss him on the cheek and hug as he leaves for work. He said "have fun tonight".

 

My RM doesn't even drink. And I do, but not to the extent of Ryan I don't think. Its like, one guy is too boring, but the other guy is too hyper. I told my RM I want to come to his work sometime and have a beer. If I do it tonight, it'll seem that I'm ditching my boyfriend to see him or something.. maybe thats not a bad idea, I just don't know. I'm starting to think gas prices are going to make living solo a total wipe out financially. And I can't go back on our agreement now. And he made it clear the other day that he apparently doesn't want to do this anymore. I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to break down and cry and just tell him how much I love him. But the next day I might think of those unfulfilling qualities again, and regret it.

 

It sounds crazy but if only you could tell your guy the talk about the GF is making you cringe a little. I think he'd understand...and maybe you two could get things into perspective. I can't believe the girl is supposed to come visit or whatever. The plans don't exactly sound solid though. Seeing her will only make him get more into her dammit. I hope that before then, you and him have some kind of turning point.

 

I think we're both going for a little sad tonight. How cool is it to have found each other though..

[hope1975]

ahhh it is sooo cool that we found each other

I'm ok...I'm not really sad now, just kinda confused...I'm starting to think that my guy wants sex...when we were on the phone, we spoke for hours about relationships & sex...but why would he bring that stuff up, with someone he's not interested in...wouldn't you avoid talking about sex? maybe he's after like a friends with benefits type of situation. What do you think?...I think that'd be ok

 

But he's also blunt, like myself...my car was had so much trash/junk in it, from front to back, that it was crazy. I've been too busy to clean it lately. He said "Oh, there is just no excuse for that!"...does that sound father-ish? I don't know, but it made me laugh and I ended up cleaning my car today......

 

was he joking when he said that?? or was he being serious?...sounds like something my guy would say, and yeah it's a bit fatherish, but I just put it down to the age difference...how old is he?...at least your cars clean now...hey I cleaned my car this weekend too, it was filthy!!

 

He heard me on the phone talking about Ryan and said, "is that your boyfriend?"..I said "uh--whatever you wanna call him..". Then, I was getting ready to go, all dressed up and asking his opinions on my outfit (I do that a lot) and he's always honest...anyhow, I said "I wouldn't want to live with me either!" kidding around. He says "you don't bother me. I'm sure that I bother you a lot more". Me: "I don't know, I think I bother you a lot too". He says no, no...

 

OH MY GOD...wow sounds sooo much like he's interested...then gives you a kiss before you leave??? yay!! i'm so excited for you...if he wasn't interested he wouldn't do that.

 

The plans my guy made with this girl aren't solid at all, but I don't wanna tell him how I feel again...I already did that & he said he just didn't feel that way about me...but I have to ask myself why he wants to talk about sex & stuff if he doesn't feel that way...then I thought maybe he just wants a bit on the side...fine with me lol!!! *kidding* I'm just confused right now

[LoveLace]

That's kind of huge there...talking about sex...me and RM don't talk about it very often. But I do try and make him think about it...by leaving sexy langerie around in the bathroom, dressing sexy (classy..but sexy), etc..anyhow, your guy is horny, apparently..and mutual, perhaps! FWB is cool..long as that is all you both really want. Most times, one of them will want more after while..me and my RM went through this once already. in 2000..it broke my heart, just as it is breaking right now! Last night, I went to sleep in tears.

 

I came home last night after dad's, cuz Ryan never called, and I was tired. A little PO'd about him not calling..but somehow relieved. RM was at work. Texted him around around 2am, what's up. Then felt silly, cuz the night before I never came home and he didn't even try and contact me...anyhoo, he replied that he was on his way home. (We were alone). I mentioned watching a movie but he didnt feel like it. He knew I went to dad's, but obviously I wasn't with Ryan. I told him how dad is going out of town Memorial weekend and I could have his house. His house is very nice and it's got a deck and patio set, big TV, etc. I jokingly said, "hell we should all just move there for the weekend!" and my RM's eyes lit up. Then he looked up directions from there to his work. He was quite excited. I was too, but was afraid to show it. The subject just dropped, since we talked about other things too. I ran to the store for munchies and he declined my offer to get him anything (unusual). I was freaking out on my small drive for munchies. He wants to spend the weekend with me at my dad's place.

 

I stayed up and hung out with him till almost 5am. He wanted to know I wanted to watch him play his new favorite video game. It was so cute it made me chuckle. I said go right ahead but warned him I might fall asleep! When I got up for bed, he initiated a hug that was kind of light but lasted several seconds. I went to my bedroom and cried. He stayed on the couch again last night. Am I an idiot? We saw each other briefly before he left for work today. No hug but he asked if would see me tonight or not. I regretfully said probably no because I have to work early in the a.m. Now I'm asking myself why would I leave this guy. Why are we getting along so nicely after deciding to move out? Are we happy to be moving out, or happy to be together right now? Hope is all I need! he he.

 

I think your guy is sending you heavy signals like mine, you know! But don't let him use you as his local girl while he still talks to the other one. Do you think that could get to you after a while? Are you hoping that FWB is the path to more? Any chance that you just really want to have sex with him? To see what its like maybe? (I wonder that about my RM). Cuz if your thinking about sex with him a lot, your feelings might not be as emotional. I don't even think of it with my RM much though, not as much as I think of us growing old together. Isn't that gross! I think these things should be addressed in your situation. I remember when you said he never asks you out but always accepts if you ask. So maybe you shouldn't accept sex from him too easily. Plus, if you start sex and going out too, I'd say that's a relationship. Perhaps that is his goal! He's tried making you jealous I think, about the other woman. Now he's trying sex!?

 

Do you think that me and my RM are in love with each other?

[hope1975]

do I think you & your RM are in love with each other?? after that e-mail..YES YES YES!!!

oh my god...he wants to stay at your dad's house with you??? he sat up till 5 talking to you? he hugged you?? asked if he'd see you tonight? of COURSE he likes you & is interested in you. wow!! how cool for you. oh i'm so excited for you!! you're not an idiot...these are big signals he's giving you...maybe he is finally ready to make a move cos he knows that you guys don't have alot of time left living together.

I don't know what I want with my guy anymore...I don't know if they are signals he's giving me..what confuses me is that after telling me he doesn't feel that way about me, he brings up the subject of sex...I would think that if you didn't feel that way about someone, you'd want to avoid that subject totally.

I think maybe that's all I want is sex...I think if he actually started wanting a relationship with me I'd get scared...I'm much more comfortable with the idea of a FWB type situation, but I don't know if he was hinting at that or not...probably not....he's a very difficult person to read, and sometimes contradicts himself. Surely if he was after that he's be asking me out to dinner or something, but so far, nothing!!...hmmm maybe he was just horny that night. ahhh what do I do???

what a big step for you & your RM....you HAVE to go to your dad's house with him for the weekend...and then come straight back & tell me all about it

Please don't cry...you should be happy!! he likes you!! yay

[LoveLace]

Well this is the reason why I try not to get too excited, about things like going to my dad's for the weekend (which might also include his kids by the way)...he had a girl over last night. I saw her shoes when I left for work this morning. I'm not mad, especially since I spent the night with a guy this weekend. But I'm so confused. The kids are still at their mom's and he knew I'd be in bed early last night, so I guess he took the opportunity to get some. But just 2 days ago when talking about the girls, he said it was hard getting rid of them. So I know he doesn't want a relationship with them. But still, I'm hurting here. What does this say about everything that happened this weekend? I don't think I was enthusiastic enough about his video game that he wanted me to watch him play...which he never asks me that...It's a hobby he enjoys and I wish I would have acted more into it. His Ex-fiance called him "boring" because he likes to play video games a lot. But he doesn't drink or whatever, so I can see how he picked up this is an interest. From the what girl shoes looked like, I recognize them as a girl's that he had over some several weeks ago. I don't know what to do at this point. And it doesn't sound like he wants us to be alone memorial weekend, we are basically saying it will be the whole family. Him, me, and kids. Still though, he seemed awfully excited to share a house with me and his kids for the weekend. Which is wanted us to do in the beginning...get a house together.

 

Next time your having conversation, say "remember when we were talking about sex the other day?" Then say, well what do you think about a FWB thing between us? I know your in love with sew-and-sew, but she's far away, so what do you think? Or next time your hanging out, be a little more flirty or touchy than normal. It sounds like it could work if you think more would scare you off. It may also somehow allow you both to figure how you really feel about each other, I don't know. I do agree that its odd for him to discuss sex with you, after telling you he doesn't have feelings. Maybe somehow he thinks your over all that, so it'd be safe to have FWB.

[hope1975]

He had a girl over?? hmmm, maybe it was just a spur of the moment thing. That totally contradicts how he was with you the other night. Even taking the whole family to your dad's still says he wants to spend memorial weekend with you!

Maybe he was just horny & wanted to get a bit, but you two aren't quite there yet, so he brings this other girl home.

Geez why do men have to be so confusing....why can't it just be straightforward.

Do you think you may be able to have a talk with him this weekend? You guys'll be alone once the kids are in bed right?

 

Honestly, if he's upset cos you didn't seem over enthusiastic about his video game at 5 in the morning, then he has a problem. I appreciate that it's one of his interests...but I doubt very much he'd be judging you on that & if he is then you seriously need to ask youself do you want to be with someone like that...I honestly don't think he is though...don't beat yourself up about that.

 

Maybe it is hard for him to get rid of the girls, even though he doesn't want to be with them, it may be hard for him to tell them that & not hurt them...In fact if he's talking to you about getting rid of the girls, that's another huge signal right there.

 

Hang in there, it'll work out x