How do you honestly feel about over weight people

[Star Gazer]

“…they are missing out on life. That is not living...that's just existing.” – That statement couldn’t be more true. Obesity is on the verge of being considered a disability in the state of California. You ARE missing out on life. You CANNOT do as much as thin people. You can’t fit in the same airline seats. You can’t go ziplining in Costa Rica, or parasailing in Hawaii. You can’t climb to the top of St. Peter’s at the Vatican. You also cannot get the best jobs – you are perceived as being lazy and having a poor self-esteem. Yes, exceptions exist…but the exception proves the rule.

 

All of the following comes from someone who’s mother is morbidly obese. She has been “fat” ever since I was born. She’s continued to gain weight every single year, with the exception of one year where she invested in a well-known weight loss program and dropped 80 pounds to get down to a size 16. She's now a size 3X or so.

 

Her weight infuriates me. She eats but does not exercise. She is deluded into thinking a cobb chopped salad loaded with dressing is good for her because it is, in fact, a “salad.” She’s single, lonely, doesn’t get paid as much as her colleagues (despite the fact she kicks their a$$ professionally), can't walk up a flight of stairs without panting, and overall in poor health (recently diagnosed with diabetes). But ya know what? It’s HER FAULT.

 

Her weight has plagued ME. I’ve been embarrassed of her. It’s embarrassing in and of itself to admit that, but it’s true. When I was younger, I didn’t want her to go to PTA meetings, my sporting/cheer events, drop me off in front of school. And it wasn’t because I “didn’t want my mom there,” it was because I didn’t want my FAT mom there.

 

As an adult, I am tortured by her weight. I look at her and feel panicky that I am going to turn into her. I’ve only brought ONE boyfriend home to meet her – EVER…and I was terrified of what he’d think. Not necessarily of her, but of me. And my fears were confirmed during an argument where he pointed out that I had gained 5 pounds. He commented something along the lines of, “next thing I know you’re gonna look like your mother!”

 

I’ve used diet pills, worked out excessively, fasted – everything to shed unwanted pounds. Problem is that I love food too much, and believe I have my own emotional issues that I comfort with food. If I’m not careful, if I don’t take care of myself, I WILL be her someday. And that scares the sh*t outta me.

 

As far as obesity is concerned on a national level – it IS an epidemic. It is. If you’re pretending it’s not, you’ve lost your mind. The evidence exists, and it’s staggering. Obesity is now THE LEADING CAUSE of preventable death, above suicide and smoking-related cancers.

 

In addition, currently, 64.5 percent of U.S. adults, age 20 years and older, are overweight and 30.5 percent are obese. Not just overweight, but OBESE. THIRTY PERCENT!!! You do NOT see this in other countries, even in countries who BATHE in butter – like France. Yes, there’s a plump woman or two over there, but not like here in the U.S. The cost of obesity carries over to everyone else: through healthcare premiums, gas prices (new studies show overweight people actually use more gasoline!), and even the cost of airline tickets (again, gasoline, but also having to make seats larger to accommodate the larger people…fewer seats = higher costs for those seats). And like another poster pointed out, insurance companies will flat out deny coverage to obese people.

 

Many, many obese people DO smell. I’m not sure why. I can only presume that they literally cannot reach certain (ahem) stinkier parts, or get between the folds of other skin where sweat accumulates.

 

Because they are larger, clothes also don’t fit them well. Clothes end up hanging on their bodies, looking like large sacks or curtains. This makes them look sloppy, lazy, and as if they don’t care. Obviously not all obese people are lazy or sloppy, but appearance DOES count for something.

 

We don’t pity different races or people of varying sexual orientations because their makeup is not a choice. With the VERY RARE EXCEPTION of thyroid malfunctioning, obesity IS a CHOICE. Whether subconscious or not, you believe you deserve to be fat. You choose what you eat, how much you exercise, etc.

 

Why should you lose the weight? Because it’s straight up KILLING YOU. Don’t kid yourself. Being very overweight and/or obese is NEVER healthy. If you want to compare your weight to that of gays, use the right comparison: you continuing to be obese and living that lifestyle is the same as anyone – gay, straight, or in-between – having random, unprotected sex with needle-users. It’s almost a guaranteed killer. It’s not IS it going to kill you, but WHEN.

 

What is more, if you were truly comfortable in your skin, with who you are, etc…if you truly loved yourself, you wouldn’t have felt compelled to start this thread. I love myself. I have issues, I work on them everyday (including my extra 10 lbs.). But I AM comfortable in my body and with who I am, and I don’t have to start an entire thread to “prove it” to strangers. Me thinks you detest too much.

 

As far as dating goes, I like tall guys, so an extra 20, 30, even 50 pounds doesn’t turn me off. But anything more than that is a turn off. If he doesn’t care about his body and his health, he can’t possibly love himself. He can’t love me without loving himself first.

 

You ARE an addict. You ARE addicted to FOOD. Like an alcoholic, a meth addict, a gambler, a shopping addict – there is something deep in side of you that makes you feel unworthy of love. You make up for that emptiness with FOOD. Some people it’s booze, drugs, a new pair of shoes (or 50 pairs).

 

Finally, I suppose it doesn’t help that the one person standing up for obese people as the happiest people on the planet is far from articulate.

 

 

P.S. Norajane – almost laughed out loud when I read your first post on this thread. I moved permanently to L.A. (well, not anymore) after law school and never really noticed how much thinner everyone in that town was until I returned 6 months later to NorCal for the holidays. I felt as though EVERYONE waiting at the airport near my mom’s house was fat. And not chunky, but obese – including my own mother. I got to Target, the mall, a basketball game – it’s all fat people. I recently visited L.A. again, as well as S.D., and verified a marked difference between NorCal and SoCal figures. So I can’t imagine what I’d see in the MidWest!!

[magichands]

, just because I'm so good at getting them really hott body ones.

Your dog is a show-off, and so are you. (I'm just jealous.)

[amerikajin]

I guess I'm prone to the same old platitudes when I am having a discussion on this issue: "Obesity doesn't really bother me."

 

Except that when I stop and think about it, I can't really think of anyone I would call a friend who is morbidly obese. I used to work with one guy who was morbidly obese and, honestly, he was just a complete social outcast - and it wasn't because he was fat. He was just a goofy Texan hillbilly who constantly complained that people were calling him fat, yet he stuffed his face full of McDonald's cheeseburgers almost everyday at lunch. No salads, no veggies...just quarterpounders, fries and a super size coke every day. The guy was nearly 400 pounds. In fact he was so fat he once passed out from laughing too hard. Talk about scared - those of us standing around thought he'd just had a massive coronary. We were about ready to summon emergency staff when he came to and said "Awww, doan worry, I was just laughin' too much"

 

I've been friends with people who were overweight, and in a few cases, probably overweight by 25 or 30 pounds. But I have found that by the time someone gets to be seriously obese, there are some serious psychological issues at play, and as Alpha said, it's just hard to interact with people who are socially awkward. Understand something: I do pity them on one level. I try my best to be sensitive when I'm around them, but to interact with them is like interacting with someone who's suffering from severe depression or just otherwise lacking in social acumen.

 

What annoys the piss out of me is when I see people who want us to accept obesity as a specially protected class. Most obesity can be corrected - I know some forms can't be so easily managed, but most can. But it's getting ridiculous...I was watching this one news report not long ago in which a parent went ballastic because her daughter was diagnosed to be at an increased risk of adult obesity by a school health official during a routine exam. Her response was that "this damaged her self esteem"

 

Fook her self esteem!!! What about making sure she grows up to be a healthy adult?! What about doing something now to keep her from a lifetime of misery and low self-esteem as an obese adult?!

[magichands]

The guy was nearly 400 pounds. In fact he was so fat he once passed out from laughing too hard.

:lmao:

 

Poor dude. I remember some guy I used to work with, and his name was somebody somebody the third. I guess they must have been successively bigger models, or something. I used to carry a book around with me all the time, in case I got trapped behind him in the corridor. You could always hear him breathing, which was so cute.

[Mr. Lucky]

--"Also, your posts prove that, like most addicts, you are mired in self-deception"-- Ummm ok im lost what exactly am I supose to be addicted to here?? Oh thats right must be food since im fat ha yet another myth exposed??..

You seem to be arguing two unrelated points. One is that people judge other people based on appearance. Well, duh! Ask anyone with acne, a physical deformity or handicap, much taller or shorter than average, etc. Obesity is not the only condition that will cause people to form pre-concieved notions about who or what you are.

 

The second issue concerns how one becomes morbidly obese. If you are an average height 25-year old female weighing 125 lbs with a moderate activity level, you need 2045 calories a day. If you exceed that norm of caloric intake to the point of gaining 100+ lbs then you are indeed addicted to food, using it to meet a complex set of emotional and social needs that go way beyond hunger or nutrition. It's no different than the way an alcoholic uses drink or a drug addict uses heroin. Even many sucessful diets are based on addiction patterns of understanding triggers and underlying behaviors.

 

Not sure what "myth" you're referring to...

 

Mr. Lucky

[alphamale]

I recently visited L.A. again, as well as S.D., and verified a marked difference between NorCal and SoCal figures. So I can’t imagine what I’d see in the MidWest!!

if you come you better bring blindfolds and a barf bag SG

[sb129]

Stargazer, excellent post. You raised some brilliant points.

 

I think I am with Amerikajin too. I don't have a problem with fat people per se, but I DO have a problem when they are trying to promote themselves as a separate class that has special requirements ESP when they aren't actually DOING anything about reducing their weight. And this is becoming increasingly more obvious in our society.

 

A friend of mine works with a woman who is a UK size 22 (Obese). When there was building work done on their office block, the lift was out of order and everyone had to take the stairs. Excpet overweight lady who got PAID SICK LEAVE because she "can't" walk up the stairs. Great for work morale huh.

She is registered "disabled" with all the associated priveliges. She has had SEVERAL operations on the NHS which our tax contributes towards.

 

As a person who has a genuinely disabled close family member, this infuriates me. He NEEDS to be able to park close to movie theatres etc, because he is in a wheelchair. She NEEDS to be closer because she is so fat her joints are giving out and she can't walk far without huffing and puffing. Forgive me, but some people might see this as just plain lazy- maybe she SHOULD be walking further so that she can start to lose weight.

 

There has recently been a story in the UK news about an 8 year old child who is 14stone. He is ENORMOUS, and his mother insists that it isn't her fault, and that she needs help from the government.

Hello???!! Who earns the money, who buys the food who cooks it??? He is EIGHT for heavens sake.

 

It is stories like these that perpetuate the attitude that alot of people have towards obese people. And as long as our nations average weight increases, it will continue, as more and more people will be requiring government funded assistance.

 

I am really healthy and active- but I have to pay for my own car, house, gym memebrship. Thats cool by me. But if I became morbidly obese, and then registered as a disabled person due to this. I would get e free car, subsidised accomodation, etc... but would sitll have to PAY for a gym membership.

I think the government should offer incentive schemes to lose weight instead of subsidising peoples unhealthy lifestyles so much, there IS NO incentive.

[allina]

I feel sad for super fat people but it's also a little gross for me to look at. Not fat/chubby people but the HUGE ones that have ankle rolls and that fat pouch on their crotch

[alphamale]

and that fat pouch on their crotch

oh yea the crotch pouch is the worst

[Heavenseventeen]

the op started a thread asking how we honestly feel about overwieght people and then argues after every point. it now comes out she started the thread to prove that fat people arnt lazy, unhealthy, and that maybe they like being fat and wouldnt chose to be skiny if they could and before we make fun of fat people we should think about how gay people spread std's and the darkness of minorities skin. Look I personaly dont give to craps about fat people, yes I'll make fun of them, yes I think its gross, I would never want to be that fat myself. Personaly I would make fun of a fat person for being fat but only if they insulted me first. I dont think I would ever have sex with a morbidly obese woman, just because I'm so good at getting them really hott body ones. I would be fine being friends with a really fat person and wouldnt bother my friend about it but if they asked me if I think its fine to be super fat I'd say no. If I ever have kids I wouldnt want them to be really fat. yes its uncomfortable to watch a fat person eat, even when they eat something healthy like brocoli but especialy if they are eating any kind of sweets or fatty food. You want my oppinion try to lose weight by eating healthy and excersising and if ur doing that and ur still fat just keep doing it and at least you tried, because for a gay person who was spreading disease I would say use condoms and dont have so many different sexual partners, and as for black people that **** is hilariouse but only black comedians and black rappers can talk about that stuff, and yes racism still exists whats ur point theres alot of fat blacks

 

I think you're too ignorant for words. Gays spreading diseases? Educated people (as in those with common sense) know diseases go beyond homosexuality. So heterosexuals can have many partners, but no homosexuals? Stupid people like you will spread HIV like crazy! Please tell us about black people oh great one!

 

oh yea the crotch pouch is the worst

Unless you see them naked, you won't have to see it so why be so ignorant? Just because you're skinny/slim, doesn't mean I wanna see you crotch either!

[alphamale]

So heterosexuals can have many partners, but no homosexuals?

Actually, gay men are the most promiscuous of all....thats why AIDS spread so quickly. Not that there's anything wrong with gay people.

 

 

Just because you're skinny/slim, doesn't mean I wanna see you crotch either!

who said i'm skinny? I could drop 25 lbs...

[Green]

yo heavenseventeen read all the posts in this thread and maybe you;ll understand why I wrote what I did. Our fat friendly op started talking about gays spreading disease and black people I was just quoting it. you seem very hostile litten up arnt you people suposed to be jolly

[Blue Phoenix]

I think the ingnorance and hostillity in this thread speaks for what I'm saying more then any thing else I could further add.. Thanks for proveing my points for me.. --"You ARE an addict. You ARE addicted to FOOD. Like an alcoholic, a meth addict, a gambler, a shopping addict – there is something deep in side of you that makes you feel unworthy of love. You make up for that emptiness with FOOD"-- Realy am I now I eat a salad every day for lunch and then a healthey well ballanced dinner yes thats right a wopping 2 meals a day. I DO NOT eat any sh*t foods such as Mcds or that type of stuff and if I have one soda a week its alot. Hmm I guess I am addicted to food I must cut back LOL.. I'm not trying to argure what every ones saying but I think I do have the right to argure it when people are makeing blanket statements about me. Ok sure maybe some of us do use food as a cruch but I don't and I do think I'm worthey of love and RESPECT is that to much to ask for in this world? I had brought up the thing about gays spreading more STDs because it is a fact they do so. But they are not lectured about the health issues as much as over weight people. If some one is nasty to a gay man there wrong and a biggot to be that way well what about the health issues in that situation?I realy do hope you all understand were I'm coming from with that comparason Im NOT trying in any way to put down gay people please know that. But only to compare that to how people constantly taunt and belittle obese people and use the health factor as a cruch so not to seam a biggot about it. Yes it can be unhealthey to be obese but why dose my personal health have to influence how you treat me or any other obese person? Honestly I don't see how it should rather what happends is people dont like the outside package of a obese person so they use the health issues as a cover. When what they realy are thinking is I hate how that person looks and I'm going to be rude/hurtfull to them about it and if that isent the definishion of disrimanation then I dont know what is..

[Blue Phoenix]

Its realy verry intresting how it seams the collective mind set that obese people must all be eather lazy or addicted to food or have a deep lack of self respect/love do you all realy belive that about every obese person you see?? Because there diffrent on the outside that they must be week and sad on the inside??

[allina]

 

 

Unless you see them naked, you won't have to see it so why be so ignorant? Just because you're skinny/slim, doesn't mean I wanna see you crotch either!

 

He was talking about something I said and I was talking about what I call the fop (fat over p*ssy/penis) It's like a low gut, and it's gross, thought it has nothing to do with being naked.

[Pink Amulet]

Hahah Allina

 

That is so revolting.

 

Most people know how I feel about the social implications of the obesity problem.

 

I won't state my opinion of overweight individuals on here.

 

I have had my fair share of LS attacks this week thank you

[Green]

Its realy verry intresting how it seams the collective mind set that obese people must all be eather lazy or addicted to food or have a deep lack of self respect/love do you all realy belive that about every obese person you see?? Because there diffrent on the outside that they must be week and sad on the inside??

 

Im going to argue with you on this one fat people are curtainly not addicted to food. and being super fat doesnt mean your lazy. and fat people curtainly arnt weak and sad I mean I think fat I think jolly. But I really dont find women over 200lbs all that attractive physicaly, now that doesnt say anything about how smart they are or what quality a person. oh yes and I would never want to be fat, and would never allow that to happen to me atlest to the point where I personaly weighed over 250. With that said if some one wants to be really fat and thinks thats the way to live their life more power to them.

[allina]

 

I have had my fair share of LS attacks this week thank you

 

Really? My nosy a$$ is gonna have to check that out

 

Did you get that cute puppy yet?

[Pink Amulet]

YES! A long time ago! She is six months old and just got de-sexed. I will put a picture of her up as my display pic now.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=114323

 

For your viewing pleasure my lady

[alphamale]

Really? My nosy a$$ is gonna have to check that out

yea PA got beaten up pretty bad....she looks like one of those cartoon characters

[allina]

yea PA got beaten up pretty bad....she looks like one of those cartoon characters

 

Poor PA, it happens though, don't stop posting PA!

 

Also I would love to see puppy pictures!

[Pink Amulet]

Poor PA, it happens though, don't stop posting PA!

 

Also I would love to see puppy pictures!

 

I'm quite resilient.

 

Like mould.

 

It will take a lot more than those pathetic attempts to get rid of me

[allina]

I'm quite resilient.

 

Like mould.

 

It will take a lot more than those pathetic attempts to get rid of me

 

Good

And ADORABLE doggie!

[Mr. Lucky]

--"You ARE an addict. You ARE addicted to FOOD. Like an alcoholic, a meth addict, a gambler, a shopping addict – there is something deep in side of you that makes you feel unworthy of love. You make up for that emptiness with FOOD"-- Realy am I now I eat a salad every day for lunch and then a healthey well ballanced dinner yes thats right a wopping 2 meals a day. I DO NOT eat any sh*t foods such as Mcds or that type of stuff and if I have one soda a week its alot. Hmm I guess I am addicted to food I must cut back LOL.. I'm not trying to argure what every ones saying but I think I do have the right to argure it when people are makeing blanket statements about me. Ok sure maybe some of us do use food as a cruch but I don't and I do think I'm worthey of love and RESPECT is that to much to ask for in this world?

Again, BP, you are confusing two unrelated things. Your weight or body shape doesn't really tell us anything about you as a person. It doesn't say whether you would be a good friend, wife, employee or boss. Fat people have the same range of character strengths and weaknesses as average or skinny people.

 

But you become morbidly obese by overeating based on your lifestyle and activity level. And to get to 100 lbs overweight or more, there is typically an underlying issue - just as there is with alcoholics or drug addicts - where food and eating start to have very little to do with hunger and nutrition. I'm not sure how stating that concept implies that you're not "worthey of love and RESPECT".

 

Mr. Lucky

[RecordProducer]

How do you feel about extreamly over weight people??

I feel like 'Why the hell don't they lose all that weight? Don't they know how much happier they would be? It hurts much more to be overweight than to be hungry and watch your diet!'

 

I don't understand them. I would hate myself and I would do anything to lose the lbs. That's how I think of them, which doesn't mean I would actually act like this if I were in their shoes.

 

Do you feel sorry for them?

Yes.

 

are you disgusted when you look at them?

I am certainly not attracted to them, but I can't say I am disgusted. I kinda see them as aesthetically defective.

Would you, have you ever dated one?

No.

 

And also why is it that it seams to be genraly more exceptable for men to be over weight then women.

I don't think this is true. Many more thin men are married to fat women than the other way round. I rarely see a skinny girl married to a fat guy. But I see skinny men married to fat women.

 

Also have you ever openly been nasty to some one who was over weight teaseing taunts so on??

Absolutely not!

 

The only person I tease is my husband, cuz he thinks he is fat and he is skinny like a mosquito!

 

Please note (!): I apologize for hurting anyone's feelings. The only reason why I am being brutally honest here is because I really hope that finding out how others perceive you may help you get motivation to lose weight. My sincere and sisterly wish for all overweight people is to lose weight and be happy. I wish them happiness and I don't think they can be happy AND obese at the same time. Some men like fat women, but I believe that's very rare.