Eternal Sunshine Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 (edited) I met a really cool guy yesterday on an OLD app. We went out for drinks after work. He was 36, good job, degrees, home owner, pets, no ex wives/kids, introvert and was really easy to talk to. We had the same sense of humor, lots in common and he was pretty hot too. I actually felt the butterflies for once He didn't talk about younger women or women he finds hot or anything weird. He seemed to pay 100% attention on me and laughed at all my jokes I just kept looking at him and thinking "he is sooooo cute". Maybe slightly out of my league. So I get in an uber and because I kind of said I have to get home early (he wanted to keep hanging out, I had an early meeting), I decided to text him first. When we parted, he hugged me and said he would love to see me again. We have the following text exchange: Me: Hey. it was really nice meeting you today and really hope to see you again. Here is my number ___ just text, don't call *(we only communicated through an app so didn't have each others numbers and we had this joke that we both hate phone calls)* Him: Hahaha! I wouldn't put you through the torture of a phone call I had a really fun time with you and would really love to see you again And I hope the uber guy redeemed himself to at least 4 stars Him: and my number is __ Me: I was already thinking whaaat no phone number? Haha joking. Promise not to call Him: Just me being my usual scatterbrained self which has happened a lot today Me: Heh lucky for you I find that kind of cute Him: Definitely lucky for me and I find you very cute Me: The feeling is mutual which doesn't happen that often for me x Him: Well I am very glad to hear that and I would really love to see you again soon and to get to know you better xx Him: I am away this weekend but maybe Thursday evening or next week? Me: Thursday would work perhaps dinner after work? Him: That sounds just about perfect! Any food you hate? .............. we talk about food, restaurants but agree to set the place time later when we look places up The conversation ends with him saying: Looking forward to it already. I am heading to bed soon but we will chat tomorrow. Sweet dreams x. I said: you too xx ----------------- It's now tomorrow, 9pm and nothing from him. Not a peep. Did I come on too strong? Ghosted already? I really liked this one. God damn. FML. Edited October 31, 2017 by Eternal Sunshine 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 I know it's really hard, but I'd give him just a little more time... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 No, you didn't come on too strong. I doubt that any man who was actually interested in you would have been scared by this exchange. I'm not sure why he didn't continue the conversation. I would have at least have left a message with an explanation and that I was looking forward to the next date in case I had suddenly gotten busy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 It's now tomorrow, 9pm and nothing from him. Not a peep. Did I come on too strong? Ghosted already? I really liked this one. God damn. FML. I wouldn't give up on this one just yet. There was a lot of positive interaction there. It sounds like you have the next date set. He may not reach out to you until closer to that date. Look, most of us learn at some point that too much contact too fast comes across as clingy... and women hate clingy. This guy seems really smooth. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 You have a date set for Thursday. Try to stay in a positive, non-anxious, headspace until then. I sometimes say "talk tomorrow" when I should say "talk soon". Don't fret. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 Hmm... (1) You absolutely did not come off too strong, so get that out of your pretty little head (2) It sounded like a really great date and the banter afterwards seemed to support that. (3) The fact that he set the next date seems very promising. Many first dates don't even get that after all. (4) He informed you he would be away this weekend and have a second date tentatively set. It will be interesting to see how long it will take for him to follow up on it so for now, be patient. (5) Despite his promise to contact you the next day and didn't, there is nothing stopping you from sending him a quick text saying something like "Good morning" or "Hope you're having a great day" and see how he responds. (6) Just remember that this was a first date and he is likely courting other women at the same time which is perfectly normal and acceptable. The true test is if he follows through on the second date. If he doesn't, then perhaps it's time to box this guy up and put him out to the curb. Until then, relax 3 Link to post Share on other sites
planb1973 Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 I see nothing strange about this interaction. It takes me a couple dates to get to know someone enough to have daily conversations. I see it more as he is excited to see you on Thursday and being introverted may not be ready for simple check in texts. The build up of anticipation can be pretty hot. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 Don't hold him so literally to "we'll talk tomorrow"; it's on par with "see you later" or "We'll talk soon". In the meantime, your life is full to the point where it hasn't ground to a stand still because he didn't phone you last night, right? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 Are you older than him? He was too good to be true he might as well been. He's move on with someone else. If you haven't heard a word from him. Women do this too. At lease you had fun time also... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 Sounds great! I think he's possibly just scattered-brained as he told you, and for him 'tomorrow' may have just meant some time before the date. I'd say if you're anxious - you can contact him at some point on Wednesday to finalize the details. Nothing needy about this - logistics is logistics and the more organized should take charge. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 OP, don't know what the young folks do but can tell you what I did when your age under a similar phone conversation. I'd call the lady Wednesday evening to follow up and confirm our dinner plans. No chatting in between except perhaps if we'd left the specific place open and I had a suggestion I wanted her feedback on. This is specific to early times with otherwise strangers for perhaps the first few weeks of dating. Over time, and with more mutual interest, in-between time got filled in by both of us. In my demographic it was/is customary for the man, if he makes the offer/asks on the date/sets the plans, to follow up on that. What I'd do if calling and getting no answer or voice mail is try again/leave a message and, if no joy that evening, move on to the next thing to do for the evening in question, like work or visiting friends or helping mom or whatever. Silence was the end and any recovery was up to the lady involved. Good luck with your date and, if no joy, yeah, that's how it goes. No matter how old we are or how many dates we've been on, each iteration is new and can go any way. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 Look at all the x's awww. You both came on too strong to each other lol no, it's cute . Don't worry too much yet. Give it some time. He should set things up by Wednesday. If not, forget him. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 C'mon, just wait til Thursday and see... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 I'm glad you met someone you really like and I don't want to rain on your parade... but if a guy said "we'll chat tomorrow" and then I heard nothing from him that day, my level of interest would take a nosedive. I think that when a guy is interested enough, you'll hear from him the next day... and every day thereafter. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 I'm glad you met someone you really like and I don't want to rain on your parade... but if a guy said "we'll chat tomorrow" and then I heard nothing from him that day, my level of interest would take a nosedive. I think that when a guy is interested enough, you'll hear from him the next day... and every day thereafter. Yea I agree with that ...I dunno about every day but if he's very interested yes. And even if he's interested it should be almost every day at the beginning at least. Especially when he says he's going to contact you he does. I'd say it's not extreme interest but doesn't mean it's dead just yet Link to post Share on other sites
MajesticUnicorn Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 I don't think he is ghosting you. Maybe he is also worried about coming on too strong and wanted to break up the communication a bit. After all, I think it's good to have a healthy amount of distance between dates to keep things interesting. I don't like to constantly be texting a guy in between dates, checking in here and there is fine. Technically, he's not even ghosting you anyway. You would have to reach out to him first and have him ignore you for it to be ghosting. What stopped you from initiating the communication? If he doesn't contact you on Thursday or stands you up, then that's a different story. But I think you are getting ahead of yourself, he seems genuinely interested. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 I wanted to say usually when a guys interested, most will message every day unless you ignore them, and even then they may still do it. I don't think it's a sign of being afraid to come on too strong because you showed a lot of interest and he said "will text you tomorrow" and didn't hope you guys work out that second date. Please keep us updated 2 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 I met a really cool guy yesterday on an OLD app. We went out for drinks after work. He was 36, good job, degrees, home owner, pets, no ex wives/kids, introvert and was really easy to talk to. We had the same sense of humor, lots in common and he was pretty hot too. I actually felt the butterflies for once He didn't talk about younger women or women he finds hot or anything weird. He seemed to pay 100% attention on me and laughed at all my jokes I just kept looking at him and thinking "he is sooooo cute". Maybe slightly out of my league. So I get in an uber and because I kind of said I have to get home early (he wanted to keep hanging out, I had an early meeting), I decided to text him first. When we parted, he hugged me and said he would love to see me again. We have the following text exchange: Me: Hey. it was really nice meeting you today and really hope to see you again. Here is my number ___ just text, don't call *(we only communicated through an app so didn't have each others numbers and we had this joke that we both hate phone calls)* Him: Hahaha! I wouldn't put you through the torture of a phone call I had a really fun time with you and would really love to see you again And I hope the uber guy redeemed himself to at least 4 stars Him: and my number is __ Me: I was already thinking whaaat no phone number? Haha joking. Promise not to call Him: Just me being my usual scatterbrained self which has happened a lot today Me: Heh lucky for you I find that kind of cute Him: Definitely lucky for me and I find you very cute Me: The feeling is mutual which doesn't happen that often for me x Him: Well I am very glad to hear that and I would really love to see you again soon and to get to know you better xx Him: I am away this weekend but maybe Thursday evening or next week? Me: Thursday would work perhaps dinner after work? Him: That sounds just about perfect! Any food you hate? .............. we talk about food, restaurants but agree to set the place time later when we look places up The conversation ends with him saying: Looking forward to it already. I am heading to bed soon but we will chat tomorrow. Sweet dreams x. I said: you too xx ----------------- It's now tomorrow, 9pm and nothing from him. Not a peep. Did I come on too strong? Ghosted already? I really liked this one. God damn. FML. I guess I will be the lone dissenter and say that I found some of the conversation a little OTT, especially the lines I underlined. In and of themselves, they are fine, but you come across as very eager. If I got this from a guy, I would probably pull back a bit. I hope I'm wrong, ES. And, even if I'm right, I don't think he's ghosting necessarily. See what happens today/tomorrow. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
TheTraveler Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 I wanted to say usually when a guys interested, most will message every day unless you ignore them, and even then they may still do it. I don't think it's a sign of being afraid to come on too strong because you showed a lot of interest and he said "will text you tomorrow" and didn't hope you guys work out that second date. Please keep us updated With all the exchanges with the OP, I would back off as well if I was a guy. It's not like anything happened to go ga ga over. I would probably reach out again the night before or Thursday morning/early afternoon to set the dinner date if i'm interested 3 Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 I don't get the whole game 'the guy should ALWAYS initiate in the beginning. ES is interested - why let her anxiety keep her from functioning when she can just text 'Are we still up for tomorrow? If so let's meet at xxx time at xxx location'. If he doesn''t respond - he's not interested, but if he does - she did herself a favor and saved a few hours of contemplating if he's going to call or not. I've been falling into the same trap - for my 33 years I've never initiated a first date. However - I recently thought deeper about it - if I can be equal and/or lead in ANY other aspect of my life - why give the men ALL the privilege in dating scenarios? It makes no sense to me... unless we're talking about the dreaded fear of rejection (but even if that's the case - better know it earlier than later). Yea I agree with that ...I dunno about every day but if he's very interested yes. And even if he's interested it should be almost every day at the beginning at least. Especially when he says he's going to contact you he does. I'd say it's not extreme interest but doesn't mean it's dead just yet 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 (edited) I don't get the whole game 'the guy should ALWAYS initiate in the beginning. ES is interested - why let her anxiety keep her from functioning when she can just text 'Are we still up for tomorrow? If so let's meet at xxx time at xxx location'. If he doesn''t respond - he's not interested, but if he does - she did herself a favor and saved a few hours of contemplating if he's going to call or not. I've been falling into the same trap - for my 33 years I've never initiated a first date. However - I recently thought deeper about it - if I can be equal and/or lead in ANY other aspect of my life - why give the men ALL the privilege in dating scenarios? It makes no sense to me... unless we're talking about the dreaded fear of rejection (but even if that's the case - better know it earlier than later). I agree but when men are interested in you romantically it's a natural consequence they initiate communication with you. They want to talk to you. They want to know other men aren't talking to you in the time that they aren't. They want to know that you won't lose interest/forget about them in the time that they aren't. etc. She can initiate absolutely, but I don't think the outcome will be any different. That is why they say don't 'chase' guys - usually it's not because it will turn off the ones that are interested ( such as coming on too strong or being 'masculine') but because you might wind up wasting time/energy on someone not interested in you, but only recriprocating out fondness for the attention and/or the ease of having a woman so available. Men don't get chased as often as women so they find it flattering even if they aren't incredibly interested and may continue with it for awhile. But the point in this case is when someone says they'll contact you, usually that means to wait until they contact you. And if they say they are going to at a certain time they should. Doesn't mean they have to but I think they should. What are your thoughts? Edited October 31, 2017 by Cookiesandough 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 With all the exchanges with the OP, I would back off as well if I was a guy. It's not like anything happened to go ga ga over. I would probably reach out again the night before or Thursday morning/early afternoon to set the dinner date if i'm interested Perhaps. There was a lot of good gushiness between them there at the end. I thought you were a guy Link to post Share on other sites
BarbedFenceRider Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 2 day rule....Which was already in jeopardy with the lengthy text. If by Thursday morning, you contact him and confirm on dinner that night. If no reply, you understand him and move on. And you look casual, not needy. Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 It's true if he said he'll contact her, it's on him to initiate. But he said: "I am heading to bed soon but we will chat tomorrow." - i.e. they'll chat but he did NOT specify who will initiate. Am I misreading it? Otherwise - 1) If he's interested - he'd be happy if she initiates 2) If he's not interested - he'd not respond and this will save her time (she'll know faster) 3) If he's on the verge - yeah, he may lead her on because he's flattered. That's just one option of many though. I don't see it as sufficient 'risk' to keep self-torturing waiting for the prince to send his priceless message... I agree but when men are interested in you romantically it's a natural consequence they initiate communication with you. They want to talk to you. They want to know other men aren't talking to you in the time that they aren't. They want to know that you won't lose interest/forget about them in the time that they aren't. etc. She can initiate absolutely, but I don't think the outcome will be any different. That is why they say don't 'chase' guys - usually it's not because it will turn off the ones that are interested ( such as coming on too strong or being 'masculine') but because you might wind up wasting time/energy on someone not interested in you, but only recriprocating out fondness for the attention and/or the ease of having a woman so available. Men don't get chased as often as women so they find it flattering even if they aren't incredibly interested and may continue with it for awhile. But the point in this case is when someone says they'll contact you, usually that means to wait until they contact you. And if they say they are going to at a certain time they should. Doesn't mean they have to but I think they should. What are your thoughts? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 It's true if he said he'll contact her, it's on him to initiate. But he said: "I am heading to bed soon but we will chat tomorrow." - i.e. they'll chat but he did NOT specify who will initiate. Am I misreading it? Otherwise - 1) If he's interested - he'd be happy if she initiates 2) If he's not interested - he'd not respond and this will save her time (she'll know faster) 3) If he's on the verge - yeah, he may lead her on because he's flattered. That's just one option of many though. I don't see it as sufficient 'risk' to keep self-torturing waiting for the prince to send his priceless message... Oh you are correct it did say that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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