OmG what have I done? psycho me

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

Good morning.

 

He called me this morning to talk about it...and he commiserated with me and even shared a story of his Mom's that is similar.

 

Ohh.. he's good

 

Now I feel bad for again leaning on him because I'm getting closer to him when I should be trying to let that go.

 

Is that really what you want to do?

 

Ok, I just took a shower and I'm off to the community college to enroll in that piano class, but with my luck it's going to be closed or canceled (think positive..think positive).

 

Later,

 

Ariadne

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[Touche]

Good luck!

 

And you ladies REALLY need to stop expecting the worst as far as situations and people. It's not a good way to live.

[crazy_grl]

mollyanna, chill out woman!!

 

First, stop appologizing for coming to his house. You seem to have made a LOT of appologies for it. One or two is enough. Don't keep reminding him of it by bringing it up.

 

I know this is MUCH easier said than done, but try to look at this as an opportunity to get out an make new friends in the area. You don't want to have just one person to rely on. You need to make other friends and this break is your chance to do that.

 

I've been in a situation close to where you are now. I moved half way across the country with my ex and really didn't go out to make friends because I was always spending time with him. He decided to move back, and I was left all alone. It sucked so much at first, but now I'm much happier than I would have been if he'd stuck around. I never would have met all the great friends I have now!

 

Do go NC, but don't just sit around counting the hours. Get out an do something. The creative writing class is a great start and a great chance to meet new people. Best of luck to you.

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

Good luck! And you ladies REALLY need to stop expecting the worst as far as situations and people. It's not a good way to live.

 

Thanks! You've been real cool.

 

I enrolled actually, I'm excited!

 

(Now I have to buy some inexpensive keyboard in ebay or some)

 

Ariadne

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[Mollyanna]

Ariadne:

Congrats. At least you don't procrastinate. I finally tried to enroll in the Fiction Writing class but now they want my transcripts to prove that I have the prerequisites. I think it is too late. The class starts next week - AND I won't even be in town for the first class because of work. So, I am thinking I better find something else. Hmmm.... music that sounds good too. I have a guitar that I never learned to play.

 

Yes, thanks to everyone for the advice. Touche, Everytime I don't expect the worst, everyone says I am so naive and gullible. I go from one extreme to the other. Yep that is me, total black and white thinking. They call it Borderline Personality Disorder. catchy title to carry around for the rest of my life, huh? OK, so here goes the next step - I am calling my HMO and asking for names of therapists. Wish me luck.

 

and of course I will drive myself nuts today waiting for D to call back.

[Ariadne]

Hey you,

 

Well, there's still time if you hurry. But the guitar sounds good too now that you have the beach. You can go play in the dunes at sunset time.

 

But fiction writing I'd suck for that, I have no imagination. It'd be a torture for me to take that for me.

 

You know, I wouldn't trust the best gf so much. I dunno...

 

Like when she says: still swears to me that I can have that friendship back and more if I just sit tight and wait for him to come to me.

Why would you sit tight and wait? Maybe that's what she wants you to do. Just do what you want...forget the gf's ideas. Maybe she is jealous of you too.

 

(Especially now that he got the bike, a good excuse to go see him)

 

Ariadne

[Touche]

Hey,

 

Good luck! And you ladies REALLY need to stop expecting the worst as far as situations and people. It's not a good way to live.

 

Thanks! You've been real cool.

 

I enrolled actually, I'm excited!

 

(Now I have to buy some inexpensive keyboard in ebay or some)

 

Ariadne

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Thanks Ariadne. That's SO great that you enrolled. I guess there was room for you, huh?

 

Good luck with it! You make me want to start it up again too.

[Touche]

Ariadne:

Congrats. At least you don't procrastinate. I finally tried to enroll in the Fiction Writing class but now they want my transcripts to prove that I have the prerequisites. I think it is too late. The class starts next week - AND I won't even be in town for the first class because of work. So, I am thinking I better find something else. Hmmm.... music that sounds good too. I have a guitar that I never learned to play.

 

Yes, thanks to everyone for the advice. Touche, Everytime I don't expect the worst, everyone says I am so naive and gullible. I go from one extreme to the other. Yep that is me, total black and white thinking. They call it Borderline Personality Disorder. catchy title to carry around for the rest of my life, huh? OK, so here goes the next step - I am calling my HMO and asking for names of therapists. Wish me luck.

 

and of course I will drive myself nuts today waiting for D to call back.

 

 

Oh screw the stupid labels! Don't let it define you. We all have our crap we have to deal with. Just do your best with what you have. You don't have to carry that title around unless you WANT to!

 

Good luck with the therapists! Pick a good one!

 

And as far as how you think, screw what everyone else says. Think the way YOU want to think...sheesh.

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

Thank you. Yeah, seems like they had room...

 

But I have forgotten what I learned in the previous classes. Maybe I should hurry and get a keyboard so that I can practice first, and not be so lost in the first day (Set 5).

 

I just hope they won't cancel it though.

 

You make me want to start it up again too.

 

Oh, sure, it can be a lot of fun.

 

Ariadne

[Mollyanna]

You know, I wouldn't trust the best gf so much. I dunno...

 

Like when she says: still swears to me that I can have that friendship back and more if I just sit tight and wait for him to come to me.

 

Why would you sit tight and wait? Maybe that's what she wants you to do. Just do what you want...forget the gf's ideas. Maybe she is jealous of you too.

 

(Especially now that he got the bike, a good excuse to go see him)

Well, she knows him much better than I do. She is who he confides in. She says he has never said one bad word against me. In fact he encouraged her to become friends with me, telling her what a great person I am.

 

I doubt she is jealous. She could have any man she wants practically. And she is dating and gaga over D's stepbrother.

 

I would love to go see his bike and his face glowing while he shows me. I can tell how proud he is of it. But IF he calls tonight, I will just ask him to send me a pic of it.

[Touche]

Hi,

 

Thank you. Yeah, seems like they had room...

 

But I have forgotten what I learned in the previous classes. Maybe I should hurry and get a keyboard so that I can practice first, and not be so lost in the first day (Set 5).

 

I just hope they won't cancel it though.

 

You make me want to start it up again too.

 

Oh, sure, it can be a lot of fun.

 

Ariadne

 

 

Stealing from another thread here...STOP IT!!!!

 

I hope there's room. I hope they won't cancel. I hope the sky doesn't fall before the class starts (ok, I made that one up) But you get my point. Stop with the negative thinking!

 

And if you ARE lost on the first day, I'll bet you're not the only one. I'll just bet you!

 

BE POSITIVE AND POSITIVE THINGS HAVE A WAY OF HAPPENING!

[RecordProducer]

That's what happens when you get drunk, Mollyanna and it will take a while for you realize that it's not YOU who humiliated Mollyanna, but the alcohol. And it's an important realization, because then you realize that alcohol is your enemy, not your friend when you want to have fun and not your company when you're lonely and not your comfort when you're sad.

 

Many problems will disappear from your life if you stop now. And many problems will appear and develop with time if you continue.

 

Not that you're listening anyway...

[Mollyanna]

That's what happens when you get drunk, Mollyanna and it will take a while for you realize that it's not YOU who humiliated Mollyanna, but the alcohol. And it's an important realization, because then you realize that alcohol is your enemy, not your friend when you want to have fun and not your company when you're lonely and not your comfort when you're sad.

 

Many problems will disappear from your life if you stop now. And many problems will appear and develop with time if you continue.

 

Not that you're listening anyway...

 

Hey, I am listening. That doesn't mean I completely agree, but I am listening (or reading as it may be...) You can't blame the alcohol for all of my actions. Not everyone abuses alcohol. And I haven't always. It is just right now I am not thinking clearly and alcohol has been my way to socialize. I have a bit of social anxiety, but when I am drinking, I am so much fun. People love me. And I know I can be that person to people I know well, but when I am in a position where I am new in town or new in a crowd, this lets me calm my nerves. Let's face it, I am a mess right now but it didn't stem from the alcohol. That is just a consequence of me struggling to get through some pain. I have gone out plenty of times this year and had only 1 or 2 beers. But sometimes you just have to party because you are celebrating or because you are trying to make yourself forget what is going on around you. the drinking isn't the problem, it is HOW much I drank and what i chose to do after the partying was over.

[Touche]

What you chose to do after the partying was over was a direct result of the drinking. Do you not see that? It impairs your judgement.

 

You said "The drinking isn't the problem it's how much I drank." Wow, Molly. You're in denial. You really are. Read that again and again. Those are the words of an alcoholic!

 

It takes one to know one. And you're one. It will ruin your life if you let it. Please don't let it.

[Mollyanna]

i can't be an alcoholic from a few weeks of drinking! This is called binge drinking. I am not making an excuse - i know it is bad too. But it doesn't mean i am an alcoholic. I have gotten drunk 3 times in the past month. Yes that is bad. But all the months before that since I moved here, including the time I was with D, I was not drinking more than a couple of beers when we went out - maybe once or twice a month. The seven months I lived here before I met him, I went out maybe 4 or 5 times. one of those times I was a little bit drunk (halloween).

 

I do not drink alone. I do not even buy alcohol for my house.

[Ariadne]

Hey Mollyanna,

 

Let's go to Mexico and get real drunk and go to the pool.

 

So, did he call last night?

 

I found what the problem was with the fwb guy.

 

We talked yesterday on the phone and the problem is that I don't have a life.

 

So all I do all day is to wait for the evening to come to go have my party there at his house.

 

So "at first" the guy said that he wanted to see me every day, so I was going with that, and even he was the one calling to invite over me every day.

 

But lately it started to be too much for him, because he works hard and sometimes comes home late from work, and twice a week he takes the son (15) to dinner.

 

Sooo.... the moment he put a foot in the house at night, I was there.

 

Well, I didn't mind going there late even and give him time to chill, but still, he said that he felt that he was my entertainment and he started to feel the pressure (or obligation) to entertain me.

 

Since, that's all I do all day...

 

That I shouldn't be upset if some days he doesn't want to see me and take a break (I told him I understand, that I didn't know any of that).

 

Sigh... so last night he told me if I wanted to come over (10pm) and I told him no, and now he is going on a trip to Sacramento and back on Thurs. He asked me if I could pick him up from the airport, I said ok.

 

I have therapy for the first time that day and wouldn't make it on time, he said he'd wait for me at the airport because he wanted to see me.

 

Sigh... we'll see...

 

I suffocate men alright

 

Ariadne

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[Mollyanna]

Ariadne:

I suffocate men alright

oh yeah, me too! I see exactly what you are saying. I did the same thing with D. I would sit home working all day, with nothing else on my mind for the evening except waiting for him to call and hoping that we would get together. I had nothing else I wanted to do. It's really sad. I used to be so active, but I became boy crazy somewhere along the way. I think it is all these babies my friends are having. I'm jealous as hell and feel on this mission to catch up.

 

Now I just replaced my obsession with D with this dang website. well not completely replaced, but at least reading other people's problems helps. Also, I gained 10 pounds while I was with him. And since the breakup, I have now lost 15. Why can't I have a boyfriend AND exercise at the same time? Nothing in moderation....

 

Well at least you have a shot. No, he didn't call. So i called him and reminded him that we needed to finish our conversation from the morning. he said he forgot. We talked for a little while and the conversation went fine but he kinda rushed me off the phone so he could take a shower. Like the shower couldn't wait? Unless he had plans after that shower... He could tell I was disappointed and he asked if something was wrong and I said, well it seems like you are always rushing me off the phone these days and he said awww, i am sorry. what's up? " And I said "nevermind, take your shower. I will talk to you later." and we hung up.

 

After that, I know he has lost interest. I give up.

[fireflywy]

Hey Mollyanna,

 

Let's go to Mexico and get real drunk and go to the pool.

 

Ariadne

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If you two go to Mexico can I come? Being accompanied by two beautiful women on a trip to Mexico would certainly speed along the coping process.

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

oh yeah, me too! I see exactly what you are saying.

 

Seee... I told you how much I could relate to you. Maybe because I'm Latin and you're a redhead that these people here don't understand how we get so crazy.

 

I did the same thing with D. I would sit home working all day, with nothing else on my mind for the evening except waiting for him to call and hoping that we would get together.

 

Exactly. Is like boys is the only thing I care about. Same as with the Denver guy, I'd sit allllll day waiting for the emails. That's it.

 

Is terrible to be this way, I mean, I like programming and all, but I like guys (or the Denver guy) much more. Is like comparing the Grand Canyon to a rock or some.

 

I used to be so active, but I became boy crazy somewhere along the way.

 

I think I was born that way. My first bf we were 6 and said we'll marry. When I was 12 I was in love with a guy across the street, so I'd write his name my notebook...pages and pages of his name, and keep a log of all the times he turned on and off the lights

 

I think it is all these babies my friends are having. I'm jealous as hell and feel on this mission to catch up.

 

Yeah, I imagine that. And I'm 38 and thinking I'm "never" going to have another baby. I told Denver guy I wanted to have 20 with him. But, you can do like Jodie Foster any time and you can always keep the baby to yourself. At least women can do that.

 

Now I just replaced my obsession with D with this dang website.

 

Me too! Me too! I'm driving in the car and thinking if you posted

 

Also, I gained 10 pounds while I was with him. And since the breakup, I have now lost 15. Why can't I have a boyfriend AND exercise at the same time?

 

Yeah, it becomes all consuming to me too. But when I'm with a guy I like, I usually look real good, is like an inspiration by itself.

 

Nothing in moderation....

 

This morning I got an email from an online friend in the UK, and I sent him a link to the suicide thread? He said: You sound more desperate than I realised. It seems to me that your whole life is one of excesses. Do you ever do anything in moderation? (hehehe)

 

Well at least you have a shot.

 

No, you have a shot. The guy I care about is like dead. At least you can go there and see the bike and try and kiss him.

 

he kinda rushed me off the phone so he could take a shower. Like the shower couldn't wait?

 

Argh... Don't you hate that? Sometimes I'd wait for the whooole day for an email from Denver guy, and when he'd finally write it'd be two lines and say...I'm off to bed, or I'm off for a bike ride. Like the bed or the bike can't wait? I hate it when they are so important (the world) to us, and we are no more important than a shower or a nap or a bike.

 

I said, well it seems like you are always rushing me off the phone these days and he said awww, i am sorry.

 

Well, at least you are open. I like that about you. I like people that are authentic.

 

After that, I know he has lost interest. I give up.

 

Yeah... he's getting pretty disinterested I'd say. Darn. Well, if I were you I'd go see the bike and throw myself at him

 

Ariadne

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[Mollyanna]

If you two go to Mexico can I come? Being accompanied by two beautiful women on a trip to Mexico would certainly speed along the coping process.

Heck yeah! Let's go. Oh wait, I'm not supposed to be drinking

[Touche]

Hey Molly! That's great that you're not drinkng! I'm on day 5. How are you doing.

 

And I love you Ariadne, but quit giving Molly such horrible advice! You know, about throwing herself at that guy! He's not interested. Wait for someone who will pursue YOU..who will put off a ****ing shower for you! Damn!

[Mollyanna]

Well at least you have a shot.

 

No, you have a shot. The guy I care about is like dead. At least you can go there and see the bike and try and kiss him.

I meant you have a shot with the FWB guy. You just have to get busy with something else and then he will miss you.

 

Wow, I can't believe I just said that - that is what I should be telling myself!

 

Yes, we do have a lot in common. But I will not follow your advice about going to see the bike and throwing myself at him because you and I both know we are a little crazy acting right now and maybe we shouldn't be listening to one another at all!

 

I need to stay off this website a little anyway. I catch myself sitting on conference calls browsing these pages, not fully listening to meetings. My mouse just clicks here on its own will!

 

Yeah... he's getting pretty disinterested I'd say.

yeah it didn't have to be this way either. If I would have just left him alone, he might have remembered the good times, now he will probably only remember this last month of horror.

[Mollyanna]

Hey Molly! That's great that you're not drinkng! I'm on day 5. How are you doing.

 

And I love you Ariadne, but quit giving Molly such horrible advice! You know, about throwing herself at that guy! He's not interested. Wait for someone who will pursue YOU..who will put off a ****ing shower for you! Damn!

 

Day 5 of not drinking or Day 5 of NC?

 

I am on Day 1 of NC. (we spoke yesterday twice...ugh). My goal is until Labor Day. I will be seeing him then, I'm sure. And wait until he sees me. I don't know if he noticed my weight loss during my 3 am trip to his bedroom, but he will certainly notice my new firm body by then. My ego needs him to want me, even if he can't have me.

[Ariadne]

And I love you Ariadne, but quit giving Molly such horrible advice!

 

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

I meant you have a shot with the FWB guy.

 

I know what you meant. But the only shot I care about is with the guy I love. The fwb guy is in Sacramento and I'm going to go pick him up on Thrus. Besides, he says that and then he is the one calling every day.

 

You just have to get busy with something else and then he will miss you.

 

Well, I'll have to bet busy or I'll get evicted, but that's another problem. I've never done that for a guy though, and if I can, I don't get busy.

 

But I will not follow your advice about going to see the bike and throwing myself at him

 

Ok, then don't. Your loss not mine

 

I need to stay off this website a little anyway. I catch myself sitting on conference calls browsing these pages, not fully listening to meetings. My mouse just clicks here on its own will!

 

That's another reason I got fired, I made friends with a whole bunch of people in the other forum and wasted time at work. (Pest work).

 

If I would have just left him alone, he might have remembered the good times, now he will probably only remember this last month of horror.

 

Nah, if you leave him alone he'll forget. Don't you know. Just show up there again with the shorts and the bikini top to get more suntan lotion.

 

Ariadne

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