Dealbreakers

[SmoochieFace]

Dealbreakers:

 

Smoking, drug use, excessive drinking (occasional social drinking is cool - getting plastered and staggering around... uncool).

 

Overbearing know-it-all attitude.

 

Lack of hygiene.

 

Financially irresponsible.

 

Dislikes children and animals.

 

Criminal history.

 

Other than those... I will generally give women a chance as long as they are within a reasonable age (5 years younger to 10 years older then me) and that is simply for compatability and life experience reasons only.

[TheSilentType]

To be honest if you got everything you want in a woman wouldnt it be a little boring?

 

No, I would be content. I'd be happy because I would no longer have to keep searching for my diamond in the rough.

[burning 4 revenge]

I won't date women who won't date smokers. Absolute dealbreaker for me

[TheSilentType]

I would not date a guy who:

-Treats women like objects, not people

-Doesn't make me laugh

-Doesn't take life and himself seriously (ie has an additions, doesn't work hard, etc).

-Can't have a serious conversation

-Doesn't have manners (Put the Darn seat down, please!)

-Doesn't treat me like I'm special

-Doesn't make me want him.... ie doesn't turn me on physically

 

I know the last one sounds shallow, but seriously, I have to want to have sex with the guy right?! Otherwise we can just be good friends!

Note for SilentType: if you're standards are so strict, and seemingly shallow, good luck ever letting yourself fall in love. So what if she had sex when she was younger? Are you with the person she is today, or the one she was in college??

 

It's not so much that they had sex. I'm not so dumb to expect some virgin.

 

It's more about how many people they've had sex with and what type of people they were.

 

I've seen some girls give them up to some real losers. Losers that are no where near my level. That she would associate with a loser...let alone give herself up to that mongrel....would really bother me. I just couldn't hold her up in high esteem.

 

So she can fun with these jerks...some of who may have treated her like trash and then come to me afterwards? No thanks

[TheSilentType]

This turned into to a pretty interesting thread... Why close it down?

 

When I posted this, I really wanted to see what other people's dealbreakers were. I was just curious to see how other people compare to me.

 

But then some people started to pick apart my list, and focused on some stuff in particular. They started to say that I had an ugly soul....or that I was cruel...or that I had no compassion...or that I was shallow....hahahaha

 

I'm just another screenname on the net. These people don't know me, and yet they get all huffy and puffy and say I must be a bad person....lol...if only they knew me in real life

 

All I want is for people just to post their dealbreakers. And please, stop posting something that is so obvious a dealbreaker, such as "I won't date someone who doesn't love me"

 

Post dealbreakers that not all people may share.

[Toni_no12002]

this is an advice forum of course your going to get people disagreeing with you.Did you only want people to agree with everything you said?

If you did whats the point in posting?

 

everyone has different opinions,no one said your a bad person just that if you keep looking for the perfect person your going to be lonely for a long time.I realised that!I love my bf to bits,he has flaws who doesnt!Your never going to get someone whos perfect.I think the only time your going to think like that is when your in love

 

I have no deal breakers i take people as they come.Yes i dont like abusers or murderers but thats obvious.You say youd never date anyone because of thoses reasons?If you really liked someone would you not date them because of one little thing?

As i said my bf said he wouldnt ever date a smoker and yet now he is.

[lovelorcet]

All I want is for people just to post their dealbreakers. And please, stop posting something that is so obvious a dealbreaker, such as "I won't date someone who doesn't love me"

 

Post dealbreakers that not all people may share.

 

 

I think you are missing the point on people, like myself, who gave that as a deal breaker. I am willing to openly look at someone for who they are as a whole person. Sure I have likes and dislikes but a single point that would be a total dealbreaker is pretty hard to find for me.

 

If you are upset about some of the comments here then you should re-read what you wrote. Bragging about using, abusing and then throwing away another person is not going to get you a lot of brownie points. If you are going to say something like that the be prepared for the consequences.

[TheSilentType]

No, I just thought it was overkill how some people focused on one aspect of what I wrote.

 

I mean common....someone went so far to say I have an ugly soul! It's just ridiculous.

[lovelorcet]

Would you describe someone who uses, abuses and then throws away another person good natured?

 

I have no clue nor am I the judge of what you have for a soul but your comment was not exactly flattering.

[TheSilentType]

If someone has such a reckless, laissez-faire attitude toward sex, to the point where they don't mind be a hole for the losers out there, then why should I treat them like a princess. I'm going to have my fun with them and kick them to the curb....like all the losers they so loved to chase.

 

Trust me, if I meet a girl who I can respect, then I'll really love her and treat her well.

 

But for the trash out there, I don't care for.

[erika2610]

If someone has such a reckless, laissez-faire attitude toward sex, to the point where they don't mind be a hole for the losers out there, then why should I treat them like a princess. I'm going to have my fun with them and kick them to the curb....like all the losers they so loved to chase.

 

You can't complain about things people are saying here, when you say things like that. You using them and 'kicking them to the curb', makes you no better than the losers you're talking about.

[Ripples]

I'm just another screenname on the net. These people don't know me, and yet they get all huffy and puffy and say I must be a bad person....lol...if only they knew me in real life.

As has already been said, 'these people' are only judging you as you would judge others. Namely without 'knowing' you, judging only on one facet of yourself that you have presented. Just as you would judge a woman on only one facet of her life.

 

I am sure that, like most people, you are more than just judgemental, I'm sure that in other ways you are not immature, I am sure that in some ways you are not so dismissive etc. etc.

 

Just an awful shame that you (and others like you) are so ready to castigate a person knowing only one thing about them...

[lindya]

No, I just thought it was overkill how some people focused on one aspect of what I wrote.

 

I mean common....someone went so far to say I have an ugly soul! It's just ridiculous.

 

 

That was me. You talked about how you'd treat other people who didn't meet your exacting standards, and mentioned the phrase "use and abuse". Were you actually trying to give a positive representation of yourself with that comment? Did you, in all seriousness, imagine that making a comment like that wouldn't attract a negative reaction from some female posters?

 

This thread is about deal-breakers. For many women, the ultimate deal-breaker involves the kind of man who sets out to "use and abuse" women who don't conform to his expectations of what a woman should be.

 

As others have indicated, you can ask a question on this forum - but you can't control the way people choose to interpret and respond to it. If you don't like the fact that I described you as having an "ugly soul" then by all means punch the alert button on that post and complain about it to the mods. They can decide whether the post was off topic or constituted an unacceptable personal attack.

[Ripples]

If someone has such a reckless, laissez-faire attitude toward sex, to the point where they don't mind be a hole for the losers out there, then why should I treat them like a princess. I'm going to have my fun with them and kick them to the curb....like all the losers they so loved to chase.

 

I should have said in my other post. It would appear that you have little respect for yourself that you would have sex with anyone who you deem to be worthless/slut/etc. In my experience, the people that have good self-esteem tend not to want to use others in the way you propose to, I suppose because they have no need to bolster their own egos by making others suffer.

[Pink Amulet]

Wonderfully said Ripples.

[lovelorcet]

You know there could also be a flip side to a girl like you describe. What if she just always seemed to be a bum magnet and then one day a nice guy comes along and treats her with respect and cares for her like a princess.

 

She could have a deep understanding for how special that guy really is…

 

 

Oh and right on ripples...

[CaterpillarGirl]

Deal breakers for me:

 

1. Abusive, verbally or physically

2. Addicted to: drugs, alcohol, smoking, pornography, or online RPGs

3. Cheater/Liar/generally untrustworthy

4. Is racially/politically/religiously intolerant or otherwise bigoted

5. Isn't Catholic (I totally respect other faiths, but I'd like my bf/hubby to share my own)

6. Doesn't want kids

7. My family hates him

8. Constantly says negative things about his mother and/or family (even if they ARE disfunctional)

9. Does not tip the waitstaff

10. Is unemployed by choice or habit

11. Has no goals for life

12. Is in serious financial debt

13. Has a serious criminal record

14. Is overbearing or controlling

15. Can't make me laugh

16. Will not support me in a crisis (i.e. death of a family member)

17. Doesn't believe in marriage

18. Is my father's age

19. Wants to live on a farm

 

Possible deal breakers (deal questioners?)

1. Lives at home

2. Did not go to college

3. Has no friends or meaningful relationships outside of ours

4. Has no interest in film, performing arts, or my favorite sports: baseball and basketball (along those lines - roots for a rival team - eek!)

[Outcast]

Wants to live on a farm

 

Amen, sistah!

[amerikajin]

Deal breakers for me:

 

1. Abusive, verbally or physically

2. Addicted to: drugs, alcohol, smoking, pornography, or online RPGs

3. Cheater/Liar/generally untrustworthy

4. Is racially/politically/religiously intolerant or otherwise bigoted

5. Isn't Catholic (I totally respect other faiths, but I'd like my bf/hubby to share my own)

6. Doesn't want kids

7. My family hates him

8. Constantly says negative things about his mother and/or family (even if they ARE disfunctional)

9. Does not tip the waitstaff

10. Is unemployed by choice or habit

11. Has no goals for life

12. Is in serious financial debt

13. Has a serious criminal record

14. Is overbearing or controlling

15. Can't make me laugh

16. Will not support me in a crisis (i.e. death of a family member)

17. Doesn't believe in marriage

18. Is my father's age

19. Wants to live on a farm

 

Possible deal breakers (deal questioners?)

1. Lives at home

2. Did not go to college

3. Has no friends or meaningful relationships outside of ours

4. Has no interest in film, performing arts, or my favorite sports: baseball and basketball (along those lines - roots for a rival team - eek!)

 

A little 'high maintenance' today, aren't we?!

[CaterpillarGirl]

Hmmm...I'm not sure why that's high maintenance. I've met a lot of guys who measure up. It's not like I had "Doesn't call me every day" or "Doesn't buy me expensive stuff" on the list.

[amerikajin]

Deal breakers?

 

I don't even care anymore. I think dating is bull*****. I'm not even sure I'll get married at this point, and that's perfectly fine by me - who needs the aggravation?

 

I guess what turns me off more than anything is a bad attitude. I don't like extremes. I don't like arrogance, nor do I like someone so mentally weak that they expect me to pick them up all the time.

 

I'm basically a loner by choice. I do have my group of friends that I hang out with sometimes, but I often put space between them and me, and my close friendships are few. I've never been one to go out and have a bunch of superficial relationships with a large number of people, preferring instead the good company of a select few. I've been at times envious of those who could just pick up a phone and chat themselves to sleep with any of their 100 or so friends on their rolodex, but I've never been motivated to change who I am. So I guess that's where I sit, and that's why I'm still 32 and very much an available bachelor. Sometimes it's a lonely existence, but I feel comfortable most of the time.

 

I realize that I'm rather, well, complicated. And it's going to take a woman who can deal with complication and somehow motivate me to bring out the less selfish side in me. I don't have this desire to run out and find my soulmate when I wake up in the morning, nor do I dream of her at night. But I would certainly welcome the chance to fall in love again as I have before. I guess I just realize that now that I'm older and have more baggage, that's going to be more difficult than it was the first time around.

 

Lists are stupid. Okay, sometimes the LS lists are funny, and I like to stir the pot once in a while with my own lists but take them with a grain of salt. But seriously, anyone who really goes out on a coffee date with a pad and a ticksheet isn't going to get very far in a relationship.

[amerikajin]

Deal breakers, absolute deal breakers, are things related to character.

 

If someone's full of cr@p, that's a turn-off.

 

If someone's got an ego bigger than Alpha Centauri, that's a turn-off.

 

If someone sits on their a_s and watches TV all day, that's a turn-off.

 

If someone practices poor hygiene, that's a turn-off.

 

If someone's had sex with more partners than me....so what?

 

I used to think I couldn't date someone who hadn't traveled or didn't seem otherwise urbane, but the older I've gotten I realize that matters less. If they're not at all interested in travel or the things that I find interesting, well that's just a lack of compatibility. But heck, sometimes people want to travel and just can't afford it, or didn't have the time, or had different priorities. Again, so what?

[Sally00]

Wow. Picky picky.

 

 

So you SAY you don't want a girl like that.

But when that girl comes along, you'll say, "SCREW what I said before."

Because I don't think the fact she didn't have a tragedy in her life will stop you from loving her.

 

 

 

As for me, I appreciate my boyfriend for all he is.

[soberminded]

The only dealbreaker I have is not to date women who have a long list of dealbreakers.

[TheSilentType]

The only dealbreaker I have is not to date women who have a long list of dealbreakers.

 

Most likely you would be eliminated by one of her dealbreakers....so she probably wouldn't want to date you either just a thought...