Can't really Talk to My Wife . . .Looking for Folks to talk with

[wantedbetter]

Ripples,

 

You're right about the knee jerk reaction. But none of my three male "friends" (more like acquaintences) who divorced in their forties are remarried. One is divorced five years, the other two around two years.

 

One is getting close to getting serious with the woman he's dating and it's just so amusing to be part of those conversations where EVERY guy, married or divorced, try and talk him out of proposing. Only the young single guys don't say anything . . . .other than looked very frightened at the words from the "old guys".

 

After all the "joshing" I'll tell the young single guys jusr what I wrote to you, "Go in with both eyes open. If something like love making is very important to you now, have the courage to tell her now HOW important it is to you and how crushed you'll be if it goes into decline. Commit to her that you'll be the kind of man that will do his level best to romamce her and keep her in the mood. But as married life CANNOT be like dating life, she has to know that the parameters of your life together will change . . .but your desire for physical intimacy with her will not."

 

I would think most women would feel gratified to hear that from their intended, but they're not hearing the implied work that lies ahead for them. It means shifting their desire for their man from the "gushy-we-just-met-and he's-so-hot" euphoria you get at night-clubs/bars/pubs to "he's my husband, he loves me, works hard for our marriage, not perfect, but this outward action (love making) of my love for him means THE WORLD to him, so I'll keep at it enthusiastically to keep showing my love to him"

 

Some folks can't make that shift.

 

WB

 

WB

[Ripples]

Ripples,

 

You're right about the knee jerk reaction. But none of my three male "friends" (more like acquaintences) who divorced in their forties are remarried. One is divorced five years, the other two around two years.

 

Ah I thought that when you said:

where I have plenty of friends now going through divorce it's funny

that you were just referring to them, not other friends that are already divorced.

 

One is getting close to getting serious with the woman he's dating and it's just so amusing to be part of those conversations where EVERY guy, married or divorced, try and talk him out of proposing. Only the young single guys don't say anything . . . .other than looked very frightened at the words from the "old guys".

I'm really surprised that you seem move in circles where there are no happily married men. I find that very sad, and not a little unusual.

 

Oh, and although I appreciate your advice, I'm perhaps not quite as young as those guys you give the same advice to

[MyRainyDay]

This day and time, the only reason to get married anymore (for me) is to have and raise children ~ having done that ~ I don't see any reason to get married again ~ except in perhaps in my old age just to have someone around that can dial 911.

 

 

This made me laugh... thanks.

[MyRainyDay]

What you want and need is passion

 

:::Raising Hands::: ME ME ME!! This is what I want!!!!!!!!!

[MyRainyDay]

A side note... my exH loved video games and I could never get his attention away from it... I used to come out wearing lingeria and rubbing myself while standing in front of the tv. Begging him to come to the bedroom with me..

 

He told me to get out of the way of the tv.

 

 

Omgosh.. I could have wrote that myself!! hahaha Sucks doesnt it!!! I've been all about the self pity for 2 years now.. probably more.. It really does hurt to not feel desired at all....

[magda]

Maybe she needs to switch her antidepressants.

 

The way you talk about your wife I imagine a night at home to be you juggling all the household duties and basically being superdad while she sits in the furthest corner of the house, on hold with HSN. Are you certain you're being fair?

 

From everything you have said, though, it sounds like she is unwilling to work towards a solution, so how can your marriage last? You're not communicating. It could be that she has long ago stopped loving you but stays in the marriage for the children and security, financial and otherwise.

[MyRainyDay]

You also need to read ALL my threads to get a "true-reading" on your cheating comments. Those were they most confusing to me. You must have missed my plea to one poster who admitted she was having an affair on her husband to stop because of the pain it will cause him. You also must have missed the one where I talk about wanting to be on boards like this to avoid talking with "real-live" people where one might turn out to be a woman, where temption could build . . . .as it did once, and upon getting the offer to physically cheat on my wife . . . .I broke off all contact with that woman. Please go back and look at those posts in their contexts so we can dispense with these weird accusations that I'm looking for permission to "cheat". I can only figure you missed those posts of mine for you to come to such a strange conclusion.

 

 

I was gonna say something about that too. I'm new, so I'm just reading everything altogether now. I dont know where she got that impression of you.. I didnt at all. Weird!

[wantedbetter]

Magda,

 

She switched a few years ago from one that was kinda notorious for killing libido to one that wasn't supposed to. To her credit, she sought out this solution upon feeling the way she was feeling and knowing of my unhappiness with our "frequency" situation. I wouldn't call 14 times in a year acheiving success with that switch but I guess I could look at it as how much worse it could have been had she not made the switch.

 

Sorry if my posts came across as me being super-dad. These boards have taught me that when you (as a male) discuss unhappiness with sexual intimacy/frequency with your wife you're AUTOMATICALLY going to be assumed to be a fat-smelly-hands down the pants - sitting on the sofa with the remote watching ESPN- watching the wife do EVERYTHING with the kids and household chores - and then want to just "do it" kind of guy, so I thought I would just go into describing what I do for my wife and kids around the house first, so we could just dispense with those time wasting responses when those automatic , knee-jerk posts from women came my way.

 

We have three pretty young kids and she's as involved as I am with their care each night. I'm saying, after getting them settled in each nightI'd like to once or twice more cuddle, and yes, make love with her during the week MORE than we do now . . . . .which is NOT at all. I know I have testosterone on my side to help, but again, I ask, why is your husband trying to pleasure you on a Tuesday night just the absolute last thing a a wife's "to do" list when you (the husband) have done everything to take care of her other worries. And again, I'm not asking for 7 nights a week . . . .I'm asking for two or three.

 

(Oh and I'm not fat or smelly either!!)

 

She may have stopped loving sometime ago . . .we went to counseling a few times where I would hoped she would ahve informed me that that was the case, and what I could do to fix it . . . .but all I've ever gotten is the money thing.

 

My Rainyt Day . . . .thanks for helping me feel that I wasn't crazy. It's weird on these boards where you can type "Ying, ying, ying " all day and someone will come on and write . . . . " How come you're so YANG!"

 

Very weird!

 

WB

[Guest]

Hay you guys out there. I was looking for a web like this one to ask some mens opinion. I already have enough of womens opinions. Divorce the jerk !

My husband works a labor job days. I know he also has 15 brothers and sisters whom in 17 years none even know me. We do not live near anyone because he moved us to Oregon isolated from them and all the kids and my relatives. The short of this..what is wrong with a man who would work day shift and come home about 3:45pm and go right to his bedroom ( and yes, I mean his own bedroom I have to sleep anywhere else I find now having a fourth bedroom I have a bed and no dressers, my clothing are in his room.) He stays in this room until work the next day. He helps with nothing, not even simple, take out the trash things, or hang a picture, he does nothing for the house our last son at home he does not even speak to. Weekends he may come alive for a few hours and back to that room. What makes me mostly upset is no reason, he goes to the doctor, he now has blood clots from laying there all the time, and all weekend he will stay there and also shuts the door. He will not handle bills, calls, nothing. I do not understand how or why any human being could tolerate this being with no one and laying there for 12 -15 hours , eatting in the middle of the night and running back to the room. When we do see him even when he wakes for work he is raging all the time about nothing. This has gone on for almost two years and getting worse. I know he uses pain killers, vicodin and other things and the men at work pass drugs illegal and legal and I am sure this is part of it but still, why would anyone wish to be married, have a house and a family and treat them like crap ? Sex is a once in a few months thing and to his own convenience coming to my own room and then going back in his room when he is done and then back to the isolation or raging for another month or so. I do not understand how he works or relaties to other humans. He will not move out even temp. so we can take a breath of air from him and everything he claims is his and I can go if I want a divorce he is not going to do anything.

How and why would he live like this even for himself / I am 53 and have alot of fear losing what is here and being on the street with nothing or I would leave and the other half of me wants him to get out and keep the house for what he has done to myself and the kids whom have all left home and will not even visit because of him. He is also an embarrassment to the kids spouses and friends. Any ideas of what to do ? Counseling will not work he will not go to it and he has no freinds and no mutual freinds because of his weird behavior we are all isolated. Thanks B. Wall

[MyRainyDay]

(Oh and I'm not fat or smelly either!!)

 

My Rainyt Day . . . .thanks for helping me feel that I wasn't crazy. It's weird on these boards where you can type "Ying, ying, ying " all day and someone will come on and write . . . . " How come you're so YANG!"

 

Very weird!

 

WB

 

Thats why I wanted to make sure you knew its not you!! I have a question I'd like to post on your thread.. because I think some people here(and you) may have some advice for me! But I dont want to hijack ur post, and someone else just posted a huge question.. so maybe I'll wait..

[RecordProducer]

RecordProducer: Sorry . . . . .don't get your post. My wife COULD work more to make up that money . . . .you're right. I don't think she wants to do that. She wants me to make the money so she'll have the free time to sit with the interior decorating consultants that come to your house during normal working hours. If she worked more, she'd have no time for that.

 

You also need to read ALL my threads to get a "true-reading" on your cheating comments. Those were they most confusing to me. You must have missed my plea to one poster who admitted she was having an affair on her husband to stop because of the pain it will cause him. You also must have missed the one where I talk about wanting to be on boards like this to avoid talking with "real-live" people where one might turn out to be a woman, where temption could build . . . .as it did once, and upon getting the offer to physically cheat on my wife . . . .I broke off all contact with that woman. Please go back and look at those posts in their contexts so we can dispense with these weird accusations that I'm looking for permission to "cheat". I can only figure you missed those posts of mine for you to come to such a strange conclusion.

Sorry, I don't have time to read ALL your threads... now maybe if you would pay me, I would.

 

You need to provide all relevant information in your first post. People really don't have time to work on your case all day.

 

Forget the cheating! You presented your wife as a lazy woman who spends a lot of money, always asks for more and doesn't give you sex (which probably means affection too). Is there anything good about her?

 

Is there anything good about you? or bad about you? I think you just experiencing the typical small-children syndrome. As kids grow up it goes away. Little children can ruin your life and make you depressed (this is a mother of twins speaking ). I fell in love with my kids from day one, but boy did they imprison me for a few years! Now they are almost 8 and very easy to handle.

 

Your wife could be a compulsive shopper. I think she needs to find techniques to relax and cheer herself up. This is very difficult and it takes a lot of insight and deep looking into your inner self, but you can help her. Try being extremely cheerful and affectionate for a couple weeks and see if there are any results in her moods. If yes, continue that way.

[Walk]

Guest:

 

Copy your post and go to the main Marriage Forum and post it as a new thread. This way each person gets there problem focused on.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/

look for the link to Marriage in the list.

 

Plus you'll actually get responses to your questions.

 

(When you post it as a new thread, add in if he's ever been diagnosed with depression, or if that's even been discussed.)

 

Hay you guys out there. I was looking for a web like this one to ask some mens opinion. I already have enough of womens opinions. Divorce the jerk !l

[Walk]

Try being extremely cheerful and affectionate for a couple weeks and see if there are any results in her moods. If yes, continue that way.

 

 

I was just wondering about kind of the same thing. What if WantedBetter suddenly changed how he approached sex and his wife. Like drastically changed.

 

I have problems with my bf most the time.. and when I react as I have always reacted, I get the same responses from him. But when I react in ways that are not.. normal for me. I get positive responses.

 

For instance... When I try to initiate sex, most the time he says no. My usual response is to keep trying the same thing. However, if I drop the subject completely, give him a peck on the cheek, and cheerfully tell him to come find me if/when he'd like to have sex.. then those times he has come back about an hour later with sex on his brain.

 

The other thing I tried was changing how I approached sex. I changed my clothing, used drastically different words to ask for sex, and got positive results.

 

Not saying this will work for the wife.. Men respond to different things then women do toward arousal. But what if you tried something different than you normally try. I don't know what your normal way is though... or I'd offer some suggestions.

 

I'm pretty good at thinking of good alternatives, so if you wanted to attempt to explain your usual M.O., (and your wife's response) I think we could brain storm some viable options for you. What's the worst that could really happen? You'd get shot down again? haha But you might get some sex out of it if it does work...

 

if you want.

[wantedbetter]

I think this could be hard to do. I don't feel too cheerful these days and I just think it would come as "phoney".

 

It's worth a shot, however.

 

On the other hand, you can't contain my cheerfulness after we make love. That last for days until the efect wears off and we begin to go weekd again without being intimate.

 

See, us men are VERY easy to program.

 

Didn't want my thread to slip to the next page.

 

WB

[whichwayisup]

Romance her! You're a guy and guys know the right buttons to push with their ladies...She's your wife and you know what she likes/dislikes, right? So, in a loving and maybe abit of a sneaky way, use that to your advantage... And I don't mean game playing, I mean just plan out your moves so BOTH of you end up feeling wonderful, sexy and desired...

 

That intimacy throughout the week can last, it doesn't have to be wrapped up in sex...Can be massages, a bath together or even just cuddling together.

[wantedbetter]

Because of our three young kids the "during the week" time is very tough for romance . . . .though I still bring flowers home.

 

I go all out on Friday/Saturday nights with date nights of dinner at nice restaurants and dancing, etc.

 

I'm saying that for couples with young school age kids the after-glow of those Friday/Saturday nights has to linger into the week so that on a Tuesday or Wednesday night, after the homework is done, and kids are put to bed, the wife can still feel like making love to her husband even though, on that particular night, he didn't take her to a 4-5 star resort for dinner. Because the husband, even after doing all that nightly "kid work" still feels like making love to her!!!!! He's somehow capable of looking back 3-4-5 nights and remembering the lovely, romantic evening they had . . . . . why can't she?

[honeybunch2k5]

I'm sorry to say this but at the moment,it seems like the only way you're gonna get some is it if you pull down your pants and whip out a few Benjamins.

 

Maybe your wife thinks you only do nice things (like bringing roses) just to get laid, but not because you genuinely want to be nice to her. I've felt like that sometimes. That's just a thought.

[Marquis-de-Carabas]

Oh let's see, my husband went through the same thing you did, a wife who felt that she should run through every dollar he made and have sex with him very infrequently. She was in her 40's (maybe there's a hormonal thing there?) and he finally got fed up with it and had an affair....with me. He left her and we got married. From the get-go, I realized how important sex is to him. We also made guidelines to how much money we both could spend in one day without calling the other person to let them know what was going on.

 

I think what these ladies are forgetting is the word INTIMACY. Sex is more than just sex. It's a connection. I remember my brother-in-law gave us a book the first year we were married that categorized everyone into 5 different needs. It took like 10 seconds to realize that my husband was the type that needed a physical connection. That meant more than sex. So I try to make sure I touch him frequently when we're together. It's probably sexual oh.........30% of the time. The other times it's just to connect with him.

 

Last year, I got into a bad deal with a job. I got real depressed and felt very resentful even to my husband. I felt that his requests for sex was like a kid jumping up and down in the back seat of the car going, "Are we there yet, are we there yet, are we there yet?" Instead, he was going, "Can we have sex now? Can we have sex now?Can we have sex now?Can we have sex now?Can we have sex now?Can we have sex now?Can we have sex now?" I just wanted him to SHUT UP about it. Honestly, he didn't even MENTION sex more than once a week. It was my perception of what I thought he wanted.

 

I felt that all I did was give and give and give to others and no one wanted to give to me. The depression really messed with my head. Over the last 6 months, my mood has changed. I've gone from depressed and grouchy to happy and loving again. That was due mostly to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (Google it) and exercise. I realized that I was projecting a negative attitude onto my husband. He wanted to be with me to BE with me, not because I was supposed to give him something.

 

I did read excerpts from a book recommended here, The Sex-Starved Marriage. It seemed like a good book. Next time I'm at the library I'll have to see if they have it.

 

Do I have the definitive answer to the whole mess? Not in the least but I do have some thoughts about it.

[ReggaeGirl]

Are you sure you aren’t my husband? Just changing the facts a little? Seriously, much of what you’ve described sounds like my marriage. Ok, I’m coming to this a bit late….. Let me ask a few questions, say what some others have said and make a few assumptions.

 

I came across this post while searching for some enlightenment into my own problems and felt that I could offer a bit of insight. Of course I had all night to think about it and will most likely forget half of what I want to say, so please bear with me.

 

You state your wife is on anti-depressants. As someone else stated, she may need to change her medication. Just because it isn’t supposed to affect her libido, doesn’t mean it can’t. These types of medications take a lot of trial and error. Obviously, she IS depressed and part of her salve is shopping/spending money/home improvements.

 

You stated she has an AA, left her job and is now a stay at home mom.

Do you know how mind numbing being an at home mom is? It really takes a special type of person to stay home and be happy about it. Quite frankly, it sucks. She needs to do something to challenge her mind. The home improvements thing gives her something to do, think about, look forward to, and plan for. I would venture to guess that at times she feels hopeless. What does she have in her future? Not much. Let’s see…laundry….. cleaning…..a little cooking?....laundry…you get the idea. Not that going to the same office everyday is all that stimulating but you get adult conversation, interaction etc. Staying at home doesn’t offer you the same luxery. When you are a SAHM, you can very easily become stuck in a rut. Then you are flailing to find purpose and meaning and all you can come up with is changing your home, hoping that the change will help you feel better about yourself.

 

Being a mom is exhausting. Even if the kids are in school all day, is she cleaning, doing laundry, food shopping, taxiing the kids to dance, soccer etc? You get exhausted from that and unfortunately sex is the last thing on your mind. Another thing I’ve noticed, and confirmed with most of my friends, is that many men, once they hit the bed fall asleep, no problem. Many mothers do not sleep like they did before kids….you’ve gotta be able to hear if something is wrong, is your kid crying for you, sick? Now, this doesn’t mean that such guys are bad but we are programmed differently. As such, many women really are sleep deprived and exhausted by the end of the day. Just putting all this out as food for thought. She gave up a lot to be home. I struggle with not having a real career, not making a lot of money and sometimes I do get angry at the situation. She, just as I, were adults when we made this decision, but it is sometimes a very hard reality to deal with. Maybe she is resentful?

 

You state she goes to the gym. Do you? You say that you aren’t smelly or anything but take a long hard look at yourself. How have you changed over the years? Maybe I am projecting here, but I say this because this is one of the biggest points of contention in my lack of interest in sex with my husband. He has gained so much weight since we’ve been together that he is not attractive to me anymore. I am also sorry to say but let’s face it; men rarely realize what they look like. Most men think they are all that plus more, not all, perhaps not you, but most that I have had contact with. So, are there areas that maybe you can improve on yourself physically? Perhaps the two of you should start working out together? That can be a big aphrodisiac. Perhaps change something about yourself…the way you dress, your hairstyle? We all get bored and newness adds at least a little spice to things. Also, don’t forget that most women want that old feeling of when we were initially courting. Little unexpected touches, a nibble on the neck or ear….whatever it is that you know turns her on. Hopefully after all these years you know something that works. Those are usually the things that led to the hot sex you remember.

 

I agree that the whole flower, gift and even at this point, date, thing seems so contrived. I’ve felt that way before, as if these things were only to get me into bed. You may need to step it up a notch, and, here’s the kicker, not expect sex for it. When was the last time you two went away alone? Not for a night but a long weekend or more? Whisk her away to Jamaica or the Bahamas. Change your environment completely. But go to work on your marriage where there are no interruptions, no kids, and no real life problems. Be romantic but don’t expect “it”. In fact try to go with the notion that you aren’t gonna get any. You may be surprised or you may not. Ok this may just be my fantasy and it won’t work for you…

 

Obviously what is wrong is not going to be fixed over night. It is a long drawn out process. Have you REALLY talked to her to let her know how you are feeling but not in the lack of sex department? Tell her how important she is to you, how much you miss her, miss “US”. Ask her what makes her happy, what the two of you can do together to make things work. Explain to her that you know she isn’t happy and you want to do whatever it takes to make it better. I believe it’s been asked before, what was it that made you fall in love with her in the first place? What is it about her now that you still love?

 

Do something different and sexy together….take tango or salsa lessons…..a cooking class….show an interest in something she has an interest in (other than home improvements).

 

Back to the spending issue. She may legitimally be addicted to shopping/spending and need separate therapy for that. Or if she can work out what the real root of the problem is on her own, the compulsive spending may end.

I do believe that she is truly depressed and may not know the depths of her depression. Once you fall into a certain groove and mindset, it is extremely difficult to get out of that funk. Also, if she knows the extent of her situation she may not know how to deal with it and thusly becomes defensive or argumentative. It is a sad and vicious cycle.

 

Taking what you’ve said at face value, you do seem to be putting forth an effort by helping with the kids, etc. Kudos to you. You seem to be a loving and caring spouse/father. This situation will take both of you to conquer and repair. Hopefully your wife will be up to the challenge. I know it sounds like you are the one that has to put forth all of the effort, and it may be such right now. I am in that situation. I was tired of always being the one to make the effort in everything that I stopped, and my husband and I are in the position we are in now. I have resolved to give it another try and while the effort may be one-sided right now, I am hoping for some change in the near future. If not then it will be time to reevaluate our future.

 

And at the end of the day if it all comes back to money and her not willing to change, either tell her to go back to work full time or move out.

 

Wow that was long.

 

I hope that you find the resolution and happiness you seek.

[wantedbetter]

Wow! ReggaeGirl

 

That was an incredibly detailed and thought out post!

 

Thanks so much for that!

 

In our 22 years of knowing each other I've gained 10-13 lbs. I'm really "ok" looking. I do work out over my lunch about 4 times a week.

 

You're exactly right about the "mom" stuff. Thing is, now, all the kids are in school all day, so she's NOT stressing about them. You're exactly right about having not much else to do than plan home improvement projects. . . .but I know other stay-at-home-moms who find other ways to occupy their time than plan ways to spend $5,000 or $10,000. I wish my wife would find these interests as well.

 

Also, you should have read in my second post that she DOES work two days week, so she's not a total stay at home mom.

 

Honestly, I can't even begin to think how much better our relationship would be if she just said "yes" to me more often!

 

And Marquis, I'm glad you're feeling better and that you figured it out with us men and sex. if nothing else, the story of what happened to your husband's first wife should always stay in the fore-front of your mind. Not that we men should cheat if our wives won't be intimate with us, but rather that the marriage will basically die and then end, hopefully through divorce vs. infidelity.

[Guest]

Your biggest problem here is in the title of your post. "I can't talk to her". Lack of communication is a major problem in relationships... you have to be able to talk... if you can't... maybe you should consider marriage counseling.

[Marquis-de-Carabas]

My husband did leave his ex-wife for this very same problem. I'd love to say that couples in this situation have a better chance of getting through it, but I can't. As his second wife though, I have to admit that the issues from his first marriage are being dragged into ours.

 

The biggest issue: He will not ask for sex, EVER. I understand where that comes from, if he asked for sex in his first marriage he got blasted for it. I know that it has nothing to do with me, but more of that training from the first marriage. And it's bullsh*t. If I could ever get his ex in a room alone, I'd probably do more than bitch her out. I'd probably try to beat her. My guy is the best thing that ever happened to me and she tried to ruin him by treating him like garbage.

 

Honestly, I believe the withdrawl of sex in a marriage is a form of emotional abuse. It's saying to the other person that they are not worthy to have the needs that EVERY OTHER HUMAN gets to have. That's crap, and they know it.

 

Ok, done venting.

[wantedbetter]

I think denying your spouse's need for physical intimacy is breaking your marriage vows.

 

No different than having sex with someone other than your spouse. in both situations, the spouse is betrayed.

 

WB

[CynicalP]

[sIZE=2]My question is what are the wife's obligations? I find myself in a similar situation as wantedbetter. I have read a lot of material concerning sexless marriages, wives with low sex drives, etc. One common theme that seems to smack me in the face is it's the man's responsibility to jump through hoops to get her in the mood, to get her aroused, to fulfill her needs of affection and whatnot. Very little of what I read suggest the woman has any responsibility in the matter. This seems to me a highly lopsided and imbalance proposition in favor of the wife. It's not enough for modern men to provide shelter, food, entertainment expenses, emergency funds, division of household chores, and childcare for today's woman. Sadly, it seems there is nothing a husband can provide a wife that would justify in her mind a sense of obligation to reserve an once of energy and a moment of her time to satisfy some of her husband's sexual needs. Who would have guessed that scrubing a toilet bowl is less of a hassle or chore then providing the man she claims she loves some sexual release.

 

Is it any wonder men turn to either porn or seek outside the marriage for relief.

[/sIZE]

[wantedbetter]

CynicalP,

 

I hear you talking!!

 

We, as men, DO have an obligation to do many/most/much of all those things you mentioned to try to romance/help our wives into the "mood".

 

Heck . . . .I ENJOY doing them. But if you get slapped back too many times you lose interest in doing those things. You fgure, "what's the point?"

 

You'll read MANY times on boards like this that we have to be "affectionate" with NO expectations of sex, and I say "ok" to that!

 

But, I hear you . . . we want to know, every once in awhile, about our needs. is six neck/foot rubs with no sex afterwords enough, or is ten?

 

We, as men, would like to think that the ONE activity a husband/wife share that truly makes them different than a room-mate (yes. . . .love making) would be important enough for a woman to pay attention to it as a need/a priority in a marriage . . . .especially when the husband is saying he's very unhappy with the situation.

 

My wife said she was unhappy with the $70,000 I made as the provider for the family. What did I do, spent a year and a half looking for another job that paid much better.

 

In other words, I heard her REQUEST of me for her needs and I RESPONDED because I love her.

 

Therefore, being all reasonable people on the board, I would assume if I expressed being unhappy with lovemaking 14 times in one year . . .if I believe my wife saying she loves me . . .why would it be unreasonable for me to think that she'd say to herself . . ."Hey. I'd best do something about my husband's unhappiness!"

 

Personally, I wouldn't think it would be unreasonable. But that's just me.

 

WB