What do women get from their male friends?

[binevrywear]

Hi Nocobbler,

 

I put up that one post on the other thread as a guest about women wanting men as friends because they like the attention men give them. Now that I'm registered...

 

I should say that I wrote than in a hurry and didn't add... SOME women are addicted to the attention that men give them. They are what is known on many other boards as "attention whores." Sorry if anyone takes offense to the term, but I didn't invent it.

 

I suggest you google the term and see what you find. You'll be amazed. I would also go to a site called psychforums.com and check out the forum "Histrionic Personality Disorder," not so much as a guide to the kind of woman you can't seem to shake (though attention whores have a lot of HPD characteristics) but just to see how seemingly intelligent, well-educated, otherwise normal men like yourself can wind up unable to shake and ultimately scarred by the most incredibly poisonous women on the planet. Pay attention to the long one by "ray" which is truly, truly scary. Like I said in my "guest" post - it happens to the best of us, and you will get over it. You just have to get through this painful period.

 

In my case, it is so plain in hindsight that the woman I was attached to was an attention whore. IF ONLY I had done my research, ie talked about what I was going to with friends, I could have saved myself a lot of wasted time. But I am married, so the subject had to be kept secret. Very lonely experience, I might add.

 

They don't love you. They don't even like you. They crave the attention you give them. They base their self-worth on the attention that men - any man - will give them. So they play their games to keep you paying attention.

 

I notice you also have a thread on LS saying you want to hurt her. Nocobbler, whether you hurt her or not, you are paying attention to her. I know it is easier said than done, because I am going through the same thing, but you've got to just tell yourself: no contact, from now on, forever.

[binevrywear]

Noclobber,

 

Got your handle right this time at least. I can't resist cutting and pasting at the best of times, so here I go:

 

[FONT=Arial][sIZE=2]The Attention Whore makes herself obvious to you by trying to control and manipulate. For example, she comes on strong to get your attention; she flirts, she drops hints, she tries to make you feel that she’s over-eager to be with you, and when you respond, she immediately pulls away. She's very, very good at making you feel like she's interested in you and will let you spend your time and money on her, but as soon as you start wanting something more, she'll act like you're out of your mind - she didn't do anything to lead you on! [/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Arial][sIZE=2]Emergency precautions? The most important is to make sure that every bit of attention, time, or anything else you spend on her is always weighed against what she's done for you first. When uninformed men encounter the AW, they usually play right into her attention grabbing antics. They start giving her exactly what she wants – their attention. Of course, this woman is a master at trying to extract the maximum value from men that she can. [/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Arial][sIZE=2]As she starts to pull away, these guys stupidly make the mistake of escalating their attention - even to the point of giving gifts, taking her on trips, taking her out to plays and concerts, etc., all in an attempt to impress her and buy their way into her pants. The AW knows this is coming and plays it to the hilt. Then, when the guy gets angry and starts expecting something from her, she treats the guy like she was innocent all along! They’ll often use phrases like, “I TOLD you we were just friends!” These women are experts at keeping this game going, and target men that are unsuspecting, willing victims. [/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Arial][sIZE=2]Turning the tables on one of these is simply a matter of accounting. Watch your ledger very closely. For everything you do for her, there should be a commensurate return. Consider this: if you were in a relationship with a "nice girl", wouldn't she try to make you feel loved and special just like you do her? Of course! Especially when two people meet that are interested in each other, both go out of their way to make the other one feel special. They use all of the tools at their disposal. They are especially concerned about returning the love, attention, and consideration they receive. [/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Arial][sIZE=2]The attention whore consumes without producing anything. She knows her victim usually has low self-esteem and makes the most of it. [/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Arial][sIZE=2]So, what’s the bottom line? Simple: avoid the attention whore – she only exists because men allow her to! [/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Arial][/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]source: solveyourproblem.com[/FONT]

[Mary3]

Noclobber,

 

Got your handle right this time at least. I can't resist cutting and pasting at the best of times, so here I go:

 

[FONT=Arial][sIZE=2]The Attention Whore makes herself obvious to you by trying to control and manipulate. For example, she comes on strong to get your attention; she flirts, she drops hints, she tries to make you feel that she’s over-eager to be with you, and when you respond, she immediately pulls away. She's very, very good at making you feel like she's interested in you and will let you spend your time and money on her, but as soon as you start wanting something more, she'll act like you're out of your mind - she didn't do anything to lead you on! [/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Arial][sIZE=2]Emergency precautions? The most important is to make sure that every bit of attention, time, or anything else you spend on her is always weighed against what she's done for you first. When uninformed men encounter the AW, they usually play right into her attention grabbing antics. They start giving her exactly what she wants – their attention. Of course, this woman is a master at trying to extract the maximum value from men that she can. [/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Arial][sIZE=2]As she starts to pull away, these guys stupidly make the mistake of escalating their attention - even to the point of giving gifts, taking her on trips, taking her out to plays and concerts, etc., all in an attempt to impress her and buy their way into her pants. The AW knows this is coming and plays it to the hilt. Then, when the guy gets angry and starts expecting something from her, she treats the guy like she was innocent all along! They’ll often use phrases like, “I TOLD you we were just friends!” These women are experts at keeping this game going, and target men that are unsuspecting, willing victims. [/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Arial][sIZE=2]Turning the tables on one of these is simply a matter of accounting. Watch your ledger very closely. For everything you do for her, there should be a commensurate return. Consider this: if you were in a relationship with a "nice girl", wouldn't she try to make you feel loved and special just like you do her? Of course! Especially when two people meet that are interested in each other, both go out of their way to make the other one feel special. They use all of the tools at their disposal. They are especially concerned about returning the love, attention, and consideration they receive. [/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Arial][sIZE=2]The attention whore consumes without producing anything. She knows her victim usually has low self-esteem and makes the most of it. [/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Arial][sIZE=2]So, what’s the bottom line? Simple: avoid the attention whore – she only exists because men allow her to! [/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Arial][/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]source: solveyourproblem.com[/FONT]

A couple of questions : What is it called when a male does this ? They give just enough to keep you interested but never give enough to make you feel that special ..

 

I think that while it is possible that there are Attention Whores of many types. Work Attention Whores ( we have a few of those ) MYSpace Whores, Bar Whores , Bed Whores , and so on....The high comes from the Attention . I understand that part.

 

But is it possible that you like her so much ( general question to NC and males ) that you give and give and when she spouts " just friends " " that she is taken aback when you try to kiss her ?

 

Is it possible she only truly sees you as a friend ?

 

Because if we like you then we want you to kiss us, cuddle and make love to us.

 

So if she isn't doing that and she is just draining your wallet ( a real female friend will help pay for things ) then really what determines the blame factor ?

 

Is she that good at being a leech ? Does she drain you emotionally and financially ? How much will you spend and how many stiff flag poles will you posses until you figure she is not going to sleep with you ?

 

I figure it should not take that long . If you are spending MONTHS and lots of CA$H on her and she is not doing the deed with you , when do you draw the line that you are getting royally scre**ed without any grease ?

[Fun2BMe]

To Mary3, as far as her draining his wallet. He has said that she pays her way and he pays for himself. She had purchaed expensive concert tickets for them too. I don't think on the one hand she is using him. She likes him as a friend but is sending mixed signals because she knows he likes her more than friends. It doesn't make sense for her to be with a guy whose intentions are more than friends when hers are only friends.

 

He is getting mad at her for not being more than friends while spending months of his time and devoting all of his emotions into her while knowing she doesn't want to be more than friends. I think he is 80% at fault and she is 20%.Some might argue he is 100% at fault. There is no ball and chain attaching him to her. He can blame her for only so many times for "making him" be with her.

[noclobber]

Let me make it clear once again that I am not mad at this woman because she won't be my girlfriend. She told we are "just friends" and I realize that she doesn't want more than that.

 

The one question that I repeatedly ask is this -> She said she only likes me as a friend. Fine, but why does she behave the way she does? Wanting to see me so much, saying "it's been forever since i have seen you" and "i miss you... let's meet up" when we didn't meet just for 1 week, always making it a point to have lunch only with me (even if it means she taking the train to meet me... i seriously don't know of any friends that wud take the train to meet for lunch), saying she is depressed if i go on vacation, telling that she saw me in her dreams, saying "you are breaking my heart" if i say i am going back to my country, presenting me with expensive concert tickets, calling up and saying "I didn't hear from you for the past couple of days. So I just wanted to say hi and see how you are doing... shall we meet tomorrow?" when we had just met the previous day, blah blah blah.......

 

So that's it... that's my question... do you both do any of this to your so called guy friends???

[alphamale]

The one question that I repeatedly ask is this -> She said she only likes me as a friend. Fine, but why does she behave the way she does? ???

because, NOCLOBBER, she's been using you for emotional support. Women do this all the time.

[Fun2BMe]

So that's it... that's my question... do you both do any of this to your so called guy friends???

Negative. I do not do and say the things she does with my guy friends. Yes they treat me to expensive concerts but we don't say we missed each other when it's been a day or two between contacts. Only if it's been several months and even then maybe. We usually pick up where we had left off as though only a day had passed and we hadn't noticed the absence of the other.

 

It could be that she does like you more than friends but because she CAN'T be with you for religious reasons, she has drawn the line past the just friends space but before it reaches the sexual part of a more than friends section, all the while labeling it as just friends. You are satisfying her emotional and social needs of a boyfriend minus the sex. Once she does have a boyfriend to satisfy her sexual needs, she will have her social and emotional needs satisfied by him too and suddenly no longer have time for you. Be prepared for the kick to the curb.

[noclobber]

Once she does have a boyfriend to satisfy her sexual needs, she will have her social and emotional needs satisfied by him too and suddenly no longer have time for you. Be prepared for the kick to the curb.

 

That's why I have already moved away from her

[Fun2BMe]

That's why I have already moved away from her

So you are no longer in contact with her or what is the deal?

[noclobber]

So you are no longer in contact with her or what is the deal?

 

I haven't done a big, dramatic and ceremonious break-up of friendship but rather the process of dis-engaging. It was described by darrren in one of his posts.

 

I guess if you didn't know better about this girl you would have said what's so wrong in both of you hanging out as friends.. she is not using you. But now you are telling that she is using me as a social and emotional boyfriend... This is precisely the concern that I had. I knew that I am being used but I just didn't know how 'cos she never makes me pay for anything or expects compliments etc... Now I understand that just by being with her I am getting used.

[Fun2BMe]

I knew that I am being used but I just didn't know how 'cos she never makes me pay for anything or expects compliments etc... Now I understand that just by being with her I am getting used.

People use each other for different purposes. For instance, a guy can go out with a girl but decide on the date that he doesn't really care to see her again. He might sense that she is into him and 'trick' her to sleep with him by acting like he is just as into her. That would be using her for sex. She is using you as a great person to have in her life to satisfy emotional and social needs one usually gets from a boyfriend, minus the commitment of being a couple. That leaves you in a vulnerable spot because she is open to having an actual boyfriend and once he comes into the picture, there will be no use for you. If she was treating you as an actual friend without crossing the line, things could go on as friends, but she is sucking more out of you than a friend does, not taking into consideration how difficult and hard it is on you. She doesn't care as long as she is satisfied with her needs getting met.

 

Just like the guy who has the opportunity to sleep with the girl above should resist temptation and do the right thing by walking away, she should too. Instead she is satisfying herself at your expense. That's why if a guy tells me he likes me more than friends, as much as I'd like to be just friends to hang out and do things together with, I resist that temptation knowing it would not be in his best interest to lead him on and give false hope, so I do the right thing to cut all ties. If he is not interested in a relationship too, then you can hang out as friends.

[noclobber]

People use each other for different purposes. For instance, a guy can go out with a girl but decide on the date that he doesn't really care to see her again. He might sense that she is into him and 'trick' her to sleep with him by acting like he is just as into her. That would be using her for sex. She is using you as a great person to have in her life to satisfy emotional and social needs one usually gets from a boyfriend, minus the commitment of being a couple. That leaves you in a vulnerable spot because she is open to having an actual boyfriend and once he comes into the picture, there will be no use for you. If she was treating you as an actual friend without crossing the line, things could go on as friends, but she is sucking more out of you than a friend does, not taking into consideration how difficult and hard it is on you. She doesn't care as long as she is satisfied with her needs getting met.

 

Just like the guy who has the opportunity to sleep with the girl above should resist temptation and do the right thing by walking away, she should too. Instead she is satisfying herself at your expense. That's why if a guy tells me he likes me more than friends, as much as I'd like to be just friends to hang out and do things together with, I resist that temptation knowing it would not be in his best interest to lead him on and give false hope, so I do the right thing to cut all ties. If he is not interested in a relationship too, then you can hang out as friends.

 

That was a fantastic analogy fun2bme!

 

I have a question for you (still trying to learn American dating culture):

 

She is using you as a great person to have in her life to satisfy emotional and social needs one usually gets from a boyfriend

 

What does a girl usually get from a boyfriend? And how is it different from what she gets from a guy friend? I have read that American women do lot of stuff with their guy friends too.. I know that sex is an important factor but apart from that what are the other things??

 

If she was treating you as an actual friend without crossing the line, things could go on as friends, but she is sucking more out of you than a friend does

 

Can you be more specific? What exactly does she suck out of me? it's not compliments, money, gifts, etc... what exactly is it?

[Fun2BMe]

What does a girl usually get from a boyfriend? And how is it different from what she gets from a guy friend? I have read that American women do lot of stuff with their guy friends too.. I know that sex is an important factor but apart from that what are the other things??

 

Can you be more specific? What exactly does she suck out of me? it's not compliments, money, gifts, etc... what exactly is it?

The dynamics with guy friends should not be different as they are with a girl's female friends. I don't tell my female friends that I miss them when I haven't seen them for a day. When a boyfriend tells me that he's missed me, that is something you like to hear from them. It makes you feel loved and feel like a necessary part of their life that you fill. There are lines between friends and boy/girlfriends. For example I could expect to get flowers and go on a romantic dinner for Valentine's day or another occassion with a boyfriend. With a friend, it is on a lighter note. No I miss you's, no romance and a limit to the time you take up from them.

 

If you had known each other and been friends for years, then it would not be out of line for her to be texting you, taking the train for lunch to meet with you and all of the other time consuming activities. From the start of this, her knowing you like her more than friends and her taking up so much of your time is selfish. Don't be a fool and let her play you like this. I would limit contact to once a week. Maybe after many months a little more, and gradually build from there.

 

I still think she made up the whole having a boyfriend business and is playing mindgames with you and taking advantage that you like her more than friends. One of my guy friends I have dinner with and talk now and then, the other we talk and email mostly, sometimes go out. I can't imagine him going out of his way to have lunch with me on a regular basis, tell me that he misses me even though there is a strong care for each other. A SO goes out of their way ON A REGULAR BASIS, goes out on a regular basis, says they miss the other and so on. She is being selfish KNOWING you like her, getting her needs met but it is not leading to anything. She tells you that she misses you because she knows you will like hearing that. It is something a girlfriend would tell her boyfriend. If I knew a guy liked me more than friends and I didn't, no way in hell would I torture him by saying I missed him. She is a big big selfish tease is all she is. NOT a friend.

[noclobber]

Fantastic! Thanks fun2bme!

 

I still think she made up the whole having a boyfriend business and is playing mindgames with you and taking advantage that you like her more than friends.

 

That's very interesting. I never had that thought cross my mind, ever! As I said earlier it was nearly 2 months after that I came to know that she had a long-distance boyfriend. She talked about her guy friends and girl friends but never about this guy... After more than 2 months she was talking on the phone and I asked who it was and she replied "Oh with xxxxx, my boyfriend in Philly". I was stunned and felt like a total idiot. Why would she hide this guy from me?????????? The next time she mentioned this guy was after another two more months when she said "I broke up with my boyfriend".

[Yamaha]

Why would she hide this guy from me?????????? The next time she mentioned this guy was after another two more months when she said "I broke up with my boyfriend".

 

She would hide him from you because she figures you would not give her the attention she wants if she divulged this fact.

 

I knew a gal and she was seeing other guys but she never told me of their existence. Never talked about a guy at all, to me. I found out later from another guy she talked to that she was seeing another guy. She was playing me because she figured if she told me I would not be as interested and give her attention. She really wasn't being a friend to me but stringing me along for her own interests.

 

They like the friendship and are attached but do not want to date you. If they know you have other feelings then they are being selfish and your feelings do not matter. The only thing to do is to break away and be nothing but an acquaintance with them. They will use you for their own interests if you let them. It is human nature to not want to end something that is giving you enjoyment.

[noclobber]

Yamaha that was a wonderful reply!

 

I have learnt a lot thru LS forums but I am still not 100% clear about this "attention" factor. It seems to be too subtle. May be this is why I didn't realize that I was played by my "friend" for such a long time (you know my story).

 

What exactly is this attention thing? How does a woman thrive on it and go to the extent of hiding her boyfriend from you?

 

If a guy spends some time with a girl even in a non-dating situtation does that also mean that the girl is enjoying his attention? What exactly are they getting out of it?

 

If a guy uses a woman for sex without the thought of getting into a relationship then that's very obvious... But I am unable to understand the reverse...

 

Plz explain..

[Moai]

What exactly is this attention thing? How does a woman thrive on it and go to the extent of hiding her boyfriend from you?

 

If a guy spends some time with a girl even in a non-dating situtation does that also mean that the girl is enjoying his attention? What exactly are they getting out of it?

 

If a guy uses a woman for sex without the thought of getting into a relationship then that's very obvious... But I am unable to understand the reverse...

 

Plz explain..

 

It's very subtle, but it's there. Because you want her romanitcally, you can't really help but let those feelings through, and she can sense them. You are a little more interested in what she has to say, you look at her more "softly" or whatever. You also put your life on hold to be with her and fulfill her emotional needs. Again, she gets all the benefits of having a boyfriend but without any of the effort, commitment, or physical affection on her part. She probably also gets off on knowing that every moment you are together she knows is killing you inside, because you want her. Evil and cruel, but true. As I have said before, she is not your friend, will never really be your friend, and doesn't care.

 

Do you have a sister? What is different between hanging out with your sister versus this chick? There's your answer.

 

Certainly, when friends hang out and it's fun, but it is more laid back. The fact is, with women like this, the energy going on IS a date, but anything physical is killed immediately. Otherwise, it is the same as a date. With a woman who really is just a friend, that vibe isn't there. Both get the enjoyment of being with a like-minded person, and caring about each other. That's the key--caring about each other. Women like this only care about themselves.

 

To reiterate, the woman in this situation gets attention, feels attractive, and the joy of knowing that there is a guy out there who is wrapped around her finger, and will do what she wants when she wants.

 

She hides her boyfriend from you because she knows that if you find out about him it will hurt you and open your eyes to the fact that you are being a sucker. Period. So, she keeps it a secret to get what she wants. I would imagine that he knows about you, and she uses you to make HIM jealous. She tells him you are just friends, that she will never sleep with you (which is true), but he feels like she is not totally "there" in the relationship, because of you. Also, as a guy, he knows that men aren't generally friends with women they don't want to sleep with. So she can use your relationship to play him, to an extent.

 

And, she doesn't care about the hurt she causes you, she just cares how that hurt will effect HER. She goes too far, you bail out, and then she has to find another sucker--which is easier than it sounds, as men that will get invovled with this are everywhere. But, it still takes effort on her part, and so if she can keep you it saves her time and effort. Everything in this relationship is all about her.

[noclobber]

Absolutely fantastic!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Yes, now I get it..... I fully get it. Now I can completely understand this girl's actions and words...

 

I think the key word here is vibes

 

She can get these vibes only from a boyfriend.... but she has been getting it from me for free!!!!!!!!! She has been getting those good feelings without having to give anything in return..

 

In such a situation even meeting for lunch or coffee gets a different meaning... God, now I understand...

 

This is why she wanted to have lunch only with me, meet me for coffee so many times, hangout for movies, games, concerts.... This is why she writes emails like "its been forever since i have seen you... i miss you... i miss you" though it was exactly only 1 week that we didn't meet (but still exchanged emails and texts)... 'cos I was not physically present to give her those good feelings.....

 

She has been enjoying those emotions and didn't bother to return the favor.

 

Is she wrong? Yes! Is she wrong in her eyes? No. Why? because she already told that she only likes me as a friend!!!!! so she is not guilty, in her eyes, that is!!!!!!!

 

I have gone out with a female colleague many times to lunch and coffee, just the 2 of us... but I didn't feel any attraction towards her and obviously the vibe was completely absent. That's why she didn't miss me that much after she left the company... and I too didn't feel that bad. Now it all makes sense!!!!!

 

Good lord.... this girl IS cruel. I do take the responsibility for my mistakes but I guess this girl needs to have some bit of conscience... nope, she doesn't. She feels good, why would she jeopardize it????????

 

Thank you sooooooooooooo much!!!

[Tony T]

What you described above is the typical female narcissist. They are everywhere and they look for any situation where they can take advantage and/or use somebody. This is a very serious afflicition and anybody who finds themselves involved with a narcissist should flea as fast as possible. Of course, men can display narcissistic traits as well and there are lots of them around.

 

For more information on narcissistic personalities and behavior, just put the term in a good search engine.

[Guest]

Okay i was rejected hard and told to not call or contact by someone that i used to work with for a couple of years about 3 and a half months ago that has narcissistic traits and she told me not to call or contact her i didn't know she had this personality disorder.

 

I could not believe the symptoms matched dead on im not sure what to do i want to help her by finding help or something but there doesn't seem to be much that i can do about this anyway.This was the first time i got rejected and believe me she was not nice about it so you can imagine what i felt like at the time. I have moved on though and im looking at other options.

 

I have seen her recently because we used to work together at a local video store and i have stayed away but i need to completely move pass this and be able to go there. When i went to the fast food place next door she must have seen my car and came out of the video store and walked past the food place while i was dropping my cousin of to get the food and she looked at the car twice while i was driving by.

 

My cousin was not fully aware of the situation he knew she rejected me but didn't get the entire story until after we got back, so he tried to get her attention after asking me her name from a distance thank god she ignored him or did not hear him.

 

Im thinking of just staying away from her but hey i need to be able to go there too the good thing is she works every other weekend. Im here for any advice anyone can give thank you.

[binevrywear]

Yamaha, you make a valid point about noclobber's "friend" not wanting to tell him about her boyfriend for fear he'd wise up to her games, but sometimes the exact opposite is true.

 

In my situation, she was MARRIED but gave off all the vibes of being single, right down to never wearing a ring (some excuse about interfering with her music playing) and of course flirting with me like crazy. No touching, all words and gestures, but it was serious flirting. She told me she'd had affairs before - five in eight years of marriage but I suspect it was more - but that she was trying to improve her track record and not cheat any more. The relationship which led to her marriage, btw, started out as an affair while she was engaged.

 

She also never lost an opportunity to mention in conversation the half-dozen or so other guys she hung around with. Why? It's the empty restaurant syndrome. You have two restaurants side-by side. One's full, the other empty. Which one do you want to eat at? The full one, because obviously it's got better food, or at least something special everybody wants.

 

Same with attention whores. They make sure that you know they have all these men "friends" in their lives precisely because it makes them look more attractive to you. You're also subtly led to believe that there's something special about YOU that the other ones don't have, which of course gets you thinking, YOU are the one she will decide to sleep with. Wrong, wrong, WRONG!

 

That's also their ace in the hole when you ask them if all the flirting is leading to something more, like, I dunno, sex! A sweet roll in the hay is where flirting has most often led for me, anyway. But no, they'll say they just want to be friends, and act surprised you would even think she thought anything otherwise. Her reasoning is, why would you think I wanted to be anything but friends if I'm telling you about all these other guys?

 

My "friend" actually had the gall to say after her long speech about wanting to just be friends, improve the track record in her marriage etc etc that hey, if she were single, I could **** her anytime.... Just to make sure I was kept wondering, well, maybe one day... because they know damn well you want them for more than just friends. She later said she didn't recall telling me that, but then again, lying is also one of their hallmarks.

 

When you finally wise up to their ways and decide for your own sake never to see them again, you wonder in hindsight how you could have been so stupid as to not see it before. My intuition was telling me all along this woman was bad news, but I went along for the ride anyway. Wish we lived on the same continent so we could go out for a beer and hash that one out together, noclobber.

[GuestGirl]

Male friends can give me a better perspective on some things that Girl friends can't. Male friends can keep it real, however, if they don't a wise girl can quickly identify that. At that point, she should decide whether to keep the male friend around or not b/c he'll never provide her with an honest point of view that she's looking for. His mind would be else where...

[Mary3]

To Mary3, as far as her draining his wallet. He has said that she pays her way and he pays for himself. She had purchaed expensive concert tickets for them too. I don't think on the one hand she is using him. She likes him as a friend but is sending mixed signals because she knows he likes her more than friends. It doesn't make sense for her to be with a guy whose intentions are more than friends when hers are only friends.

 

He is getting mad at her for not being more than friends while spending months of his time and devoting all of his emotions into her while knowing she doesn't want to be more than friends. I think he is 80% at fault and she is 20%.Some might argue he is 100% at fault. There is no ball and chain attaching him to her. He can blame her for only so many times for "making him" be with her.

 

I re-read all No Clobbers posts and I stand corrected in thinking that he was paying for everything. Sorry NoClobber

 

But I do wonder ( at least on previous posts ) how you were curious if she does this or that , what does it mean ? I think you wanted very much for her to like you in that way but sadly she did not. So you have searched for answers as to why she would want to be with you so much.

 

I do recall one of your previous posts where she says : "You are not my type." ~ Yeowch ! Thats usually a girls way of saying she does not see you in a romantic way. It seems she still feels that way.

 

I still say slowly disengage from her,....one dinner at a time

[Yamaha]

I think you wanted very much for her to like you in that way but sadly she did not.

 

I totally agree, Mary3. I think he is analyzing everything trying to understand why she doesn't like him the way he likes her. There is no understanding chemistry. You could have two people and on paper one would be perfect for you but you like the other one. I do think you can make decisions when it comes to a serious relationship but as far as to the dynamics of attraction and romance you might as well toss a coin.

[Guest]

Hetrosexual man will think about having sex with every girl he has some relationship with, if they are attracted at a friends level.

 

If man is not having sex elsewhere he will have thought about sex with his female friend and will probably have thought about it even if he has a partner.

 

Men think about sex all the time. Women aren't that much different except...

 

Lack of sex with the girl will eventually be the demise of the relationship for the man. It is a TERRIBLE knock on the ego for a man to be denied sexually. This is just natural. Programmed.

 

Women can say no easily. Even if they would consider it. This really screws with a mans head.

 

If a woman wants sex she usully gets it. If a man wants sex he has to put his ego on the line. It typically get the s**t kicked out of it.

 

Women have sexual power. Everyone knows this. But they don't have any honour.