KnowHowLoveFeels Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 I have one close male friend, and he is gay. He is very good looking and we like to flirt with each other - for fun, of course. I wouldn't keep a male friend if he has other intentions for me, especially if I don't find him attractive. Men and women are welcome to end any friendship they deem unfair or unhealthy for their wellbeing. It seems to me, NoClobber, that that is what you need to do. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 okay so what's the big deal if men discontinue the friendship? the big deal for her is that she loses much more than the man does. women thrive on their relationships, whichever form they may take. a man is in only one of three relationships with a woman, they are: 1. f***ing/sexual 2. friend 3. no relationship whatsoever there is no in-between. you're in one of the three and one only and the idea is to be in category number 1. Link to post Share on other sites
Moai Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 The key isn't what they get out of it, the key is what YOU get out of it. If you hang out with a chick and it's fun and when you go off alone you aren't tortured by her behavior and hyperanalyzing everything, great. You have a friend that's a girl. If you leave her presence and you are in hell and aren't getting what you want, you have a succubus. The succubus may get all upset about you ending the friendship (I agree with alpha: just end it and don't say anything), but who cares? You have to do what is right for yourself. It may bum her out (I doubt it bothers them all that much), but who cares? She has rejected you. That should be the end of it. Hurting people is not that big of a deal. It is part of life. Few people like it (I think women like this do), but sometimes it is necessary. Are you going to stick around forever infrustration and turmoil just to avoid making her feel bad? Come on! You only live once, and as I have said before, this woman is only keeping the right one away. So she's upset. Why do you care? You aren't going to hang out with her anymore, so you won't have to here about it, or see it. So what if she thinks you are a jerk? There is nobody on this planet that hasn't offended or hurt someone sometime. She isn't your girlfriend, so her feelings are irrelevant to you--yours are to her, in case you haven't noticed. If you are doing what is best for you and it happens to inconvenience her, tough. Just split and forget all about it. Try to recognize what you did to get trapped in this situation, so you don't have to repeat it. Easier said than done, but it is inevitable that it will end, and better sooner than later. Get out with what you have left of your dignity and self-respect. Link to post Share on other sites
Moai Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 On thing that keeps people holding on situations like this, I think, is the hope factor. She has rejected you over and over and over, but that one mixed message stays in your mind. And you have put all this work in, what if you end it and she was just about to come around? It's hard, but stop seeing what you want to see and see what is there. The mixed message is what keeps you around. I don't know if they do it conciously or not, but a well-timed "maybe" can offset a thousand "no way in hells." And you cling to that "maybe" because you want it so bad, to the exclusion of seeing the truth. All in the hope that one day, she will come around and love you. The fact is, she won't. I have had friendships with women turn into relationships, but not with a woman like this. It is hopeless, and to put any more energy into it is like throwing good money after bad. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 If you leave her presence and you are in hell and aren't getting what you want, you have a succubus. The succubus may get all upset about you ending the friendship (I agree with alpha: just end it and don't say anything), but who cares? Yes MOAI...unfortuantely many women view insensitivity as a very masculine trait. By dumping her as a friend you're now being insensitive and more of a man. Women know everything by instinct. They know that any man who's willing to hang out with them just as a "friend" is most likely attracted to them and they definitely know he won't be getting any romance or sex. They also view him as weak and non-sexual. This is why men should not be just friends with women. Link to post Share on other sites
Fun2BMe Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 Yes MOAI...unfortuantely many women view insensitivity as a very masculine trait. By dumping her as a friend you're now being insensitive and more of a man. Women know everything by instinct. They know that any man who's willing to hang out with them just as a "friend" is most likely attracted to them and they definitely know he won't be getting any romance or sex. They also view him as weak and non-sexual. This is why men should not be just friends with women. You mean men who want to have sex with their female friend should not just be friends with that woman if she doesn't want to be sexual with him. But in general that's not the case to not be friends with all woman. Some woman want a male just as a friend to accompany her to places or to hang out. If he wants the same out of her then I see no problem. I have had the same male friends for over 10 years. If they secretly want to have sex with me then I am clueless and don't want to know about it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author noclobber Posted May 31, 2006 Author Share Posted May 31, 2006 You mean men who want to have sex with their female friend should not just be friends with that woman if she doesn't want to be sexual with him. But in general that's not the case to not be friends with all woman. Some woman want a male just as a friend to accompany her to places or to hang out. If he wants the same out of her then I see no problem. I have had the same male friends for over 10 years. If they secretly want to have sex with me then I am clueless and don't want to know about it! Yes! That's the conclusion! Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 If they secretly want to have sex with me then I am clueless and don't want to know about it! That is usually the case F2BM...usually what happens is after a long period of so called "friendship" the guy gets drunk with her one nite and professes his undying love for her and she's blind-sided and like "WTF?!?!".... Link to post Share on other sites
Fun2BMe Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 That is usually the case F2BM...usually what happens is after a long period of so called "friendship" the guy gets drunk with her one nite and professes his undying love for her and she's blind-sided and like "WTF?!?!".... No way, you're crazy!!! That would be like incest. When you are friends, you are friends!!! yuck yuck yuck! I'd be like where's my shotgun:lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 I'd be like where's my shotgun:lmao: its in the closet behind your ex-boyfriend's nut-sack Link to post Share on other sites
Author noclobber Posted May 31, 2006 Author Share Posted May 31, 2006 No way, you're crazy!!! That would be like incest. When you are friends, you are friends!!! yuck yuck yuck! I'd be like where's my shotgun:lmao: Don't play dumb! I am not going to believe that you are not aware of the fact that some of your guy friends may like you as more than friends!!! This is a classic female response - They know all along about the secret crushes harbored by their male friends yet they "pretend" to not know it. Oh yeah, after all women are always innocent victims... Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 Don't play dumb! I am not going to believe that you are not aware of the fact that some of your guy friends may like you as more than friends!!! This is a classic female response - They know all along about the secret crushes harbored by their male friends yet they "pretend" to not know it. Oh yeah, after all women are always innocent victims... It may be hard for you to believe, but it's true. If he never says anything, does anything, sees other people, knows that you see other people - how are we supposed to know he's harboring secret crush? There are actually guys out there who are friends with women without any sexual connotations. Usually, those guys aren't actually attracted to the woman they are friends with. It's hard to tell the ones who are attracted if they NEVER tell you or let on in any other way. I certainly don't want to go around ASSuming that every guy I meet is attracted to me. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 It may be hard for you to believe, but it's true. If he never says anything, does anything, sees other people, knows that you see other people - how are we supposed to know he's harboring secret crush? don't gimme that bulls*** NORAJANE...you know as well as I do that women are 100 times more perceptive about these things than men are... Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 There are actually guys out there who are friends with women without any sexual connotations. Usually, those guys aren't actually attracted to the woman they are friends with. in my case, the attraction is mostly familial – my two closest guy friends are from my college days, and they tell everyone I'm their long-lost sister. And I think of them as siblings, as well. do I consider them non-sexual? Nope. They're sexual creatures, but with other women, not me. Because as fun points out, it would be incestuous if they thought of me as a sex-partner :sick: what do I get out of my relationships with my two guys? the understanding that I've got some damned good friends who are always there for me, who are pulling for me, who will take the time to meet up with me whenever I plan a visit home or work brings them up here, who solidly back our friendship by introducing me to the women they're seriously involved with. I'm important in their lives and they let people know that, and I've done the same with my husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Fun2BMe Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 Don't play dumb! I am not going to believe that you are not aware of the fact that some of your guy friends may like you as more than friends!!! This is a classic female response - They know all along about the secret crushes harbored by their male friends yet they "pretend" to not know it. Oh yeah, after all women are always innocent victims... I am not playing dumb. I am beginning to come to the conclusion that woman can have males as friends only, but men are too immature to have women as friends only in most (not all cases as you will see mine below) allowing their hormones to rule their decisions. I am not aware of secret crushes harbored by my male friends and pretend nothing. Now my question is why do women want to hang out with men as friends? For similar reasons they want to hang out with females as friends only. Go places with, hang out, enjoy their company. I will focus on 2 of my male friends to give an example. Friend A - I have known him for 11 1/2 years. He is very intelligent and successful. Never been married and does not have children. We have similar interests. He takes me out to eat, to concerts and movies. He introduces me to whoever woman he may be dating at the time. When his brother is in town he hangs out with us too. He has introduced me to his friends and sometimes adds in my introduction that we are like family. Friend B - I have known him for 7 years. He is like a brother. We go on road trips together. We even went to Europe one summer about 3 years ago. Same room, separate beds. He is the only person aside from family who I can feel comfortable calling at 3 in the morning if I want to talk about something and I have done it often. There is NO SEX involved and I KNOW he does not see me in a sexual way whatsoever. Sometimes when I want to get away he lets me stay at his house for a week, does not bother me, I do my own thing and relax and get away from my problems. He has a nature backyard that is very calming and I feel comfortable hanging out. On the phone we can talk for hours and lose track of time. I could go on forever but if you guys are going to tell me that both of these male friends want to have sex with me when they have never even dropped a clue - drunk or sober - then I have to disagree with your opinions based on my personal experience. There are men out there who like women without having sex with them. It happens. Who knows. Maybe one day I will be here posting OMG my male friend wanted to have sex with me. I can't imagine that happening though:eek: Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 He is the only person aside from family who I can feel comfortable calling at 3 in the morning if I want to talk about something and I have done it often. There is NO SEX involved and I KNOW he does not see me in a sexual way whatsoever. Sometimes when I want to get away he lets me stay at his house for a week, does not bother me, I do my own thing and relax and get away from my problems. He has a nature backyard that is very calming and I feel comfortable hanging out. On the phone we can talk for hours and lose track of time. his name doesn't happen to be Ralph, does it? you've exactly described my relationship with Ralph, who I pretty much consider a soul mate because he's like the other half of me. And like your buddy, he's one of the very few people who knows me better than I know myself, who knows just what I need to get me where I need to be. And i cannot see how people turn their noses up at that kind of friendship, especially a mixed-sex friendship, because those kinds of friends are few and hard to find. Link to post Share on other sites
Author noclobber Posted May 31, 2006 Author Share Posted May 31, 2006 I am not trying to get at you Fun.. but I really think its natural for a man to like a woman in a sexual way. what's so freakin incestuous about it? in what way is it bad than you getting sex from a total stranger that you just met in a club or bar???????? women are full of double-standards!!! :sick: And Mr.A and Mr.B are having dreams about having hot sex with you OR they are gay OR you are a very unattractive woman I am not playing dumb. I am beginning to come to the conclusion that woman can have males as friends only, but men are too immature to have women as friends only in most (not all cases as you will see mine below) allowing their hormones to rule their decisions. I am not aware of secret crushes harbored by my male friends and pretend nothing. For similar reasons they want to hang out with females as friends only. Go places with, hang out, enjoy their company. I will focus on 2 of my male friends to give an example. Friend A - I have known him for 11 1/2 years. He is very intelligent and successful. Never been married and does not have children. We have similar interests. He takes me out to eat, to concerts and movies. He introduces me to whoever woman he may be dating at the time. When his brother is in town he hangs out with us too. He has introduced me to his friends and sometimes adds in my introduction that we are like family. Friend B - I have known him for 7 years. He is like a brother. We go on road trips together. We even went to Europe one summer about 3 years ago. Same room, separate beds. He is the only person aside from family who I can feel comfortable calling at 3 in the morning if I want to talk about something and I have done it often. There is NO SEX involved and I KNOW he does not see me in a sexual way whatsoever. Sometimes when I want to get away he lets me stay at his house for a week, does not bother me, I do my own thing and relax and get away from my problems. He has a nature backyard that is very calming and I feel comfortable hanging out. On the phone we can talk for hours and lose track of time. I could go on forever but if you guys are going to tell me that both of these male friends want to have sex with me when they have never even dropped a clue - drunk or sober - then I have to disagree with your opinions based on my personal experience. There are men out there who like women without having sex with them. It happens. Who knows. Maybe one day I will be here posting OMG my male friend wanted to have sex with me. I can't imagine that happening though:eek: Link to post Share on other sites
Author noclobber Posted May 31, 2006 Author Share Posted May 31, 2006 Do you even respect your so called Ralph or A or B????? I really don't think so. When a woman says that she sees a man as a brother or soulmate or close friend then that means she doesn't see him in a sexual way. And that in turn means she doesn't find him attractive. This is probably the biggest insult for a guy!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Fun2BMe Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 I am not trying to get at you Fun.. but I really think its natural for a man to like a woman in a sexual way. what's so freakin incestuous about it? in what way is it bad than you getting sex from a total stranger that you just met in a club or bar???????? women are full of double-standards!!! :sick: And Mr.A and Mr.B are having dreams about having hot sex with you OR they are gay OR you are a very unattractive woman OR you are very immature. If I have sex with a stranger in a bar and don't want to have it with my brother then I have double standards? If I feel so close to my male friend that I would think it gross to have sex with him that is a double standard? Obviously you have never experienced a nonsexual relationship of the opposite sex. No they are not having dreams about having hot sex with me. GROW UP. Why do I know this? After all these years they would have proposed to date me or be more than friends by now. Who knows if they have ever had a sexual desire towards me. I am not arguing that that is impossible. That's like sneezing, a natural reaction you have. The fact that they have kept it discreet and WANTED to keep it nonsexual is what counts, without fighting for it to be sexual. I am extremely attractive (above average not to brag). When you have this special type of friendship it is so nice and wonderful. No drama, everything straight up and very fulfilling. This is why many women befriend gay men. It is very nice to have a male friend who consentually wants the relationship to be nonsexual. There are straight men who are mature enough to enjoy this type of arrangement. Link to post Share on other sites
Fun2BMe Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 Do you even respect your so called Ralph or A or B????? I really don't think so. When a woman says that she sees a man as a brother or soulmate or close friend then that means she doesn't see him in a sexual way. And that in turn means she doesn't find him attractive. This is probably the biggest insult for a guy!!!! Too bad you can't see me rolling my eyes:rolleyes: If a guy wants to be with me because of ME and not sex, that is a huge compliment. If I want to be with a man for who he is inside and the fun we have, the fact that he has so much substance that sex, a very powerful tool that binds most people who sometimes would otherwise hate each other, is the biggest compliment to them too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author noclobber Posted May 31, 2006 Author Share Posted May 31, 2006 OR you are very immature. Not I am just being practical! After all I learnt it the hard way. Who knows if they have ever had a sexual desire towards me. I am not arguing that that is impossible. That's like sneezing, a natural reaction you have. If you agree that it is something natural then why do you say that it is incestuous????? The fact that they have kept it discreet and WANTED to keep it nonsexual is what counts, without fighting for it to be sexual. In what way does it count???? I am extremely attractive (above average not to brag). When you have this special type of friendship it is so nice and wonderful. No drama, everything straight up and very fulfilling. This is why many women befriend gay men. It is very nice to have a male friend who consentually wants the relationship to be nonsexual. There are straight men who are mature enough to enjoy this type of arrangement. Yeah right... but do you have the slightest bit of respect for these guy friends? Sorry to be so blunt, but you are one of those women that "use" men in the name of platonic friendships. Link to post Share on other sites
Author noclobber Posted May 31, 2006 Author Share Posted May 31, 2006 Too bad you can't see me rolling my eyes:rolleyes: If a guy wants to be with me because of ME and not sex, that is a huge compliment. If I want to be with a man for who he is inside and the fun we have, the fact that he has so much substance that sex, a very powerful tool that binds most people who sometimes would otherwise hate each other, is the biggest compliment to them too. So by this logic you like and respect some of your guy friends that may be ugly or totally unattractive????????? How can you like and respect a guy that you are not willing to date????????? There is something about him that turns you off and that's why you don't want to date him... And how can you respect that guy? Plz tell me you are kidding! Link to post Share on other sites
Fun2BMe Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 This is my last post on this thread. I will guess you are between 16-21 years old and our minds don't match. I have few but very good friends. If I didn't respect these guys, I wouldn't spend so much time with them. You are crazy to think I have no respect, yet go on trips, spend hours of my life with them because we get along and are FRIENDS. I feel sorry that you are unable to develop these deep fulfulling relationships with the opposite sex because you would rather have hot sex with them. I am not using them. They have never indicated to want to have a sexual relationship and they are not ones to hold back anything like you are. I know you are immature because you are already calling me names and judging me without even knowing me. Grow up. Link to post Share on other sites
Fun2BMe Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 So by this logic you like and respect some of your guy friends that may be ugly or totally unattractive????????? How can you like and respect a guy that you are not willing to date????????? There is something about him that turns you off and that's why you don't want to date him... And how can you respect that guy? Plz tell me you are kidding! A friendship by definition is nonsexual. If we were attracted sexually to each other, we would date. If we are not, and still like each other enough to want to do things and be in each other's life, then I respect you disagree that it is possible, but I am experiencing a different scenerio. Link to post Share on other sites
Author noclobber Posted May 31, 2006 Author Share Posted May 31, 2006 I will guess you are between 16-21 years old Nope I am not 21, I am 30. It's not just my opinion, look around in LS and you will see lot of MEN voicing the same opinion as mine... our minds don't match. You are a woman and so obviously our minds are going to be different!! If I didn't respect these guys, I wouldn't spend so much time with them. You are crazy to think I have no respect, yet go on trips, spend hours of my life with them because we get along and are FRIENDS. You go out on trips, spend hours of your life and time with them b'cos you are getting something out of your friendships with them! That's why I said you are one of those women that "use" men in the name of friendships. You cannot respect them when you are using them. And what are those guys getting from your so called friendship? NOTHING!! I feel sorry that you are unable to develop these deep fulfulling relationships with the opposite sex because you would rather have hot sex with them. I am not using them. I did attempt to develop a deep and fulfilling relationship with a woman but everyone here in LS opened my eyes by saying that if I spend so much time with a woman and not getting sex then I am being ripped off. They are right!!!! Seriously why should a woman want to spend time with a guy if she is not getting anything out of it??? I know you are immature because you are already calling me names and judging me without even knowing me. Grow up. When did I call you names? It's you that has been repeatedly calling me immature. Just because I am strong enough to voice an opinion that is different from yours doesn't mean that I need to grow up. Go figure!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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