What are you doing to go on?

[Blind Illusion]

Tonite, I'm taking hope/comfort from Oz story.

I'm going to eat a chocolate covered strawberry, take half an ambien to sleep and dream sweet dreams in celebration of making 1 week NC.

For tomorrow I reveal the A to my therapist and follow-up with a meeting with a divorce financial planner. and hopefully get to watch the sunset tomorrow night.

 

Good luck Bunset with your plans tomorrow, especially with the therapist. hopefully, that will help somewhat.

[Sami_D]

Hello OzGirl! Welcome back! I too left (for a month), while I was finding NC and thinking about the A very difficult, but I've been popping back in for a week now. It was important for me to get away while I felt too close to 'the affair'... and everything I read here seemed to make me feel sad or negative. But it seems that I've passed that stage now...

 

 

I'm just sharing this because my own experiences in the last (almost) year, has been that I got out of the MM situation... and the only way I did was to question myself. Not the MM. Not anything else. The grief for losing a relationship was real, but unlike the death of a person where they are gone and you grieve and you get over it, this has had a residual consequence, being that there's still something that remains in that relationship - the other half that didn't "die". Me. What to do with that person right there....

 

I hope you can relate to this, and I hope you can see that there's nothing to lose by asking yourself questions about you and innately who you are and your beliefs about yourself - in relation to your relationships with the MM.

 

I used to think the MM made me feel soooooo good about myself. And, he did. But, I had a reason in my head that was self-deprecating, justifying maybe my low self opinion, and saying yes, he fits because he justifies the existance of these things I feel negatively towards myself.

 

I just wanted to say that this is exactly the kind of questioning that I went through when my last relationship ended. It's what I wrote about on another thread yesterday (or was it the day before..?). You really DO have to question yourself, get to know yourself, and see what it is about yourself that is leading you time and again into similar mistakes.

 

That thing about needing someone else to make you feel good about yourself... its really dangerous, isn't it..? And it means they have you by the short and curlies... because that neediness leads to the fear of losing them. And that's when boundaries fall... and we begin to accept so little from them.

 

I vowed that I'd NEVER accept so little from a man again. And it's amazing how well people will treat you if only you EXPECT them to treat you well!

 

I'm glad to see you back, OzGirl, because you always write such great stuff! What a brilliant post for the Moving On thread

[Sami_D]

Tonite, I'm taking hope/comfort from Oz story.

I'm going to eat a chocolate covered strawberry, take half an ambien to sleep and dream sweet dreams in celebration of making 1 week NC.

For tomorrow I reveal the A to my therapist and follow-up with a meeting with a divorce financial planner. and hopefully get to watch the sunset tomorrow night.

 

Just the ONE?

 

Best of luck with bringing up the A with your therapist, AND your meeting with your divorce financial planner... so many things going on for you at the moment...

 

I'm in such a lull right now. I really need a new project or something. I've just dusted off some of my yoga and meditation and healing books... might make a bit of an effort with those today.

[OzGirl]

You are all so brilliant!!! Really... you make my day.

 

PS: Am awake right now (it's 12:24AM, Thursday morning) because I can't sleep. Someone's laid the golden egg, and it looks like him... Seeing him this weekend though... am so looking forward to it. *gush*

 

Oh, and in direct reference to this thread about moving on, I quit my job last year when I'd just lost my nerve and needed to fall apart in a less than already-humiliating-enough way. It was a really good job, too. Great pay, beautiful office, no budget restrictions.. you name it, it was one of those ellusive ones you only dream about in my profession. Just saying this so you know - it was no minor loss... the ending of the A had a massive impact to make me just feel no choice but to walk away from it.

 

So...I just wanted to add... I got a job (yesterday after having lunch with tha new man)... wasn't really looking that hard, but my CV got in the hands of someone, who handed it to someone... next thing I'm being contacted with a really cool job offer.... 3 hours of interviews and negotiations later... I start in a couple of weeks! Woohoo! Am completely motivated and ready for it - a sign life's well and truly back on track.

 

Oh, and (are you still awake??!!)... I want to tell you something REALLY weird. When I FIRST met the NM, he instantly looked like an older version of the type of guy I would be attracted to when I was about 17. It was just how he looked... all of a sudden I felt like a teenager for a nano-second. Never saw that one coming at all. The nice thing about it is... it takes me back to a time where love was nothing but a myriad of possibilities and I'd not been corrupted by the stupid relationships I've since had.

 

I officially declare myself to be 17 again... (I wish!).

[zarathustra]

Oz, you kill me!! As per usual, I miss all the cool evening activities as I try not to go on the laptop at home.

 

Anyway, xMM called last night to say one final goodbye before we go NC today. I told him I love him with all my heart and not to worry about me. We have a long road ahead if he does what he told me over the last couple of days. He needs to subscribe what is in his heart into his head. He sees a future with his W, yes, but one that is the same as what he has with her now, which is not what he wants for the rest of his life. He says when he day dream (and he says that he does that a lot) about me, that the future looks fun, exciting, emotionally fulfilling and full of love and laughter. He knows that I will love his children as my own (not hard since I don't have any and don't intend to have any). We can see doing many things together as a couple and as a family with his kids. But we both know that if that were to happen, it won't happen overnight. That it means that we will have to be patient and make sure that his children are well settled into the new environment before we proceed in a full fledge relationship.

 

So while I'm waiting for d day (sept 15), I will go play golf, party with friends, study my new course (oh yeah, I'm going to take some courses to move ahead in my business), and just have loads of fun. I'm going to do all the things I told my xMM that I would do with him, but will do it with other friends instead. this way, I will prove to myself that I don't need him and that I only want to share with him a part of me if he chooses to be with me. I will enrol to take some additional courses in the fall and maybe one of them will be furniture making.

 

I look at this time as an opportunity to start a new chapter in life. Its really exciting.

 

I'm sure I'll have down days, but I'm doing quite well.

[RealityCheck]

Going forward with enjoying you Ladies in our new found friendships!

 

Ya all are so special! Lots of love and laughs!

 

Muahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[bunset]

Yup,

I only ate one of the strawberries, and saved another for tonight.

Yes, it helped to tell my therapist.. he even said that if we do couples counseling that he doesn't think it needs to be told through him.

He acknowledged that the A was just a symptom of the M problems, and helped me verbalize my motivations for all the things I'm doing, feeling.

And the financial planner opened up a huge can of worms, that I did NOT want to see. Like, I'm not really seeing how I can buy out half of my house, And, I'm gonna lose as much as 2/3 of my meager 401K, half to him and the rest to taxes! So I won't have enough cash to pay the mortgages and the bills.

Plus, she told me it could take at least 5 years to sell our house, even if we wanted to cash out, between the D proceedings and our young son's rights to live there. OH well, one step at a time, one hurdle at a time.

Next one is breaking the D news to the H!

All while nursing the broken heart from the A.

Hmmmm, pasta, Spumante AND a chocolate covered strawberry tonite, I think.

[movinon05]

Buns, I know too well the financial hardships. Honestly, I don't know how I've made it this far. I have an exH who doesn't seem to believe in child support and I'm working on that as we speak. Its a never ending process. But I'm still standing! I don't know how. But I am!

 

And you will too.

[UnknowingOW]

Dear God!! Maybe it's better to never get married. I would cringe at the thought of dividing my assets now. I didn't have any assest before my D. I made sure the house sold before I even went to a lawyer!

 

What am I doing to go on???

• I'm working on my tan.
  
• Flirting with my oldest male friend in the world. Who is also my 1st loves younger brother...yikes...lol. Who I keep telling NO WAY to any relationship with. Who is coming for a visit to go see to the BEST COLLEGE FOOTBALL GAME in Sept that weekend. GO VOLS! Yeah, I'm in TN...I admit it. Sorry, getting psyched for football season even though it's months away.
  
• I enrolled in dancing lesson which start Friday.
  
• And I'm dealing with the insanity in my own freakin' head???

[Blind Illusion]

Buns, I know too well the financial hardships. Honestly, I don't know how I've made it this far. I have an exH who doesn't seem to believe in child support and I'm working on that as we speak. Its a never ending process. But I'm still standing! I don't know how. But I am!

 

And you will too.

 

I have heard of men having to eventually pay lump sum payments or risk having their drivers lisence taken away. keep at this, MovinOn..it's only fair/

[Blind Illusion]

 

I officially declare myself to be 17 again... (I wish!).

 

Excellent way to move on, OzGirl. I think I will join you at that age

[RealityCheck]

Excellent way to move on, OzGirl. I think I will join you at that age

 

No punt intended but you gals just made me think of those years!

 

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh "No worries".....*laughing*

[movinon05]

I have heard of men having to eventually pay lump sum payments or risk having their drivers lisence taken away. keep at this, MovinOn..it's only fair/

 

Thanks BI. I work in the legal field so I'm doing this on my own now without the nonsense of lawyers bickering back and forth. I've got a lot of money coming to me and proof of everything he's doing wrong. Just trying to put the final touches on it to go before the judge myself. And I'm not scared in the least. I know the process too well and I know I'm in the right. Like I said, I have all the proof. The funny thing is, he handed it to me without even realizing it!! lol!!!!!!! Can't wait to see his sorry ass in court!

[Guest]

I girls,

 

I am taking a vacation before my vacation.

Resting a lot and reading and vegging out on the couch.

I'm staying with my parents, and let's just say, I don't get access to the computer much anymore, as there are too many people in the house.

 

So i have a very limited time here on the computer.

 

I was just wondering,

how's Jessie? I was wondering if anyone heard from her, or Jessie if you are here, let us know how you are doing?

I wasn't sure where you'd be posting your story, but I was wondering if things are going according to plan.

I saw July 1st pass by, and ever since then I've been wondering what is going on?

[eyeswideshut]

Hi,

 

I was "guest" poster, the last one.

I guess since i was at my parent's my name didn't appear as EWS.

 

So, how are you Jessie?

 

I'm worried? Or should i be celebrating?

[Sami_D]

EWS... if you PM me I can give you an update.

[Walking away]

The final chapter is finally closed with my xMM.

 

Finally.

 

It has been over in my mind and heart for a long time, but I finally, finally got him to understand that it is over in HIS head.

 

Relief.

 

A chapter in my life that I am glad has closed.

 

Met someone....

 

Like him.....

 

He adores me.....

 

We'll see.....

[bunset]

The final chapter is finally closed with my xMM.

 

Finally.

 

It has been over in my mind and heart for a long time, but I finally, finally got him to understand that it is over in HIS head.

 

Relief.

 

A chapter in my life that I am glad has closed.

 

Met someone....

 

Like him.....

 

He adores me.....

 

We'll see.....

 

Hey now... that sounds like it works!

that's good to hear.

Please keep us posted.

[Jessie61]

The final chapter is finally closed with my xMM.

 

Finally.

 

It has been over in my mind and heart for a long time, but I finally, finally got him to understand that it is over in HIS head.

 

Relief.

 

A chapter in my life that I am glad has closed.

 

Met someone....

 

Like him.....

 

He adores me.....

 

We'll see.....

 

That is great news! I am so delighted for you, WA!

 

Am I right in guessing that you told your exMM about your New Guy (NG) to make exMM understand that it is o-v-e-r?

 

For myself I can say exactly that, even without a NG!!!!

Seriously, WA, you ROCK!!!

[Walking away]

You know what, Jessie?

 

Back in March, it was over. When she found out about me, and he decided to deny me to her and when he decided to stay with her out of guilt, obligation, or whatever reason he had to stay....it was over.

 

We went into NC. It was my idea.

 

I healed during that time. He hadn't changed a bit. I changed alot. Got stronger, wiser, and indignant. Took off those rose colored glasses, finally, and realized that "all that glitters isn't gold."

 

No man in his right mind who loves me as much as my xMM said he loved me would have ever let me go without a fight.

 

He didn't really love me. He just thought he did.

 

Since then, I had gotten sporatic e-mails from him....

 

A few weeks ago, I met someone....

 

Someone special, I think.

 

This NG senses that there is something very special about me. And this new one.....he is tearing down my walls little by little.

 

He knows about my xMM. I told him. He has been approached many times by MW. He understands the "pull" of the affair. He doesn't judge me....for he knows that I didn't know he was married....but even then, I sense that there would be no judgement from this guy....

 

I got another e-mail from my xMM yesterday morning.

 

I didn't respond. I have no desire to.

 

I have moved on emotionally and physically. I had moved on months ago.

 

My xMM needs to let go. I am not here any longer for him to hold on to.

 

I moved on with my life and I am happy.

 

Without him.

 

And, yes, Jessie.....YOU ROCK, too!

[Jessie61]

 

No man in his right mind who loves me as much as my xMM said he loved me would have ever let me go without a fight.

 

He didn't really love me. He just thought he did.

 

Since then, I had gotten sporatic e-mails from him....

 

A few weeks ago, I met someone....

 

Someone special, I think.

 

This NG senses that there is something very special about me. And this new one.....he is tearing down my walls little by little.

 

He knows about my xMM. I told him. He has been approached many times by MW. He understands the "pull" of the affair. He doesn't judge me....for he knows that I didn't know he was married....but even then, I sense that there would be no judgement from this guy....

 

I got another e-mail from my xMM yesterday morning.

 

I didn't respond. I have no desire to.

 

I have moved on emotionally and physically. I had moved on months ago.

 

My xMM needs to let go. I am not here any longer for him to hold on to.

 

I moved on with my life and I am happy.

 

Without him.

 

And, yes, Jessie.....YOU ROCK, too!

 

WA,

 

I really think that your exMM sounds almost pathetic with his continuing e-mails!!! I mean, he is a grown up man who was able to make his own choices, and now it seems that he just cannot take the consequences that flow naturally from them! It is so ridiculous! I mean, at the time what bloody choice did YOU have??? You could not decide, but you still accepted the consequences of a choice that was not your own, and you accepted HIS choice with great dignity!

 

I have often felt the same with my exMM... he broke NC more times than I can care to remember. But if he does it again, then I feel I have gone beyond the stage where I would still be interested in responding... That feels so great! I am free at last!

 

Anyway, more importantly, your NG sounds cool! Enjoy it!

 

And pssst!!! If NG has an eligable brother, please send him my way!

[Walking away]

Jessie,

 

We truly are in the same head space.

 

Feels great to be free of that pain, doesn't it?

 

And, yes, the NG is awesome so far. No red flags popping out with this one...thank God.

 

I will let you know if this one is a keeper....and I will watch for potential in brothers or buddies of his.

 

Deal?

[Jessie61]

Jessie,

 

We truly are in the same head space.

 

Feels great to be free of that pain, doesn't it?

 

And, yes, the NG is awesome so far. No red flags popping out with this one...thank God.

 

I will let you know if this one is a keeper....and I will watch for potential in brothers or buddies of his.

 

Deal?

 

Deal!!!!

[Walking away]

Do you still hear from your xMM too, Jessie?

[Jessie61]

Do you still hear from your xMM too, Jessie?

 

Not a dickie bird. BUT we're only 2 weeks into NC, so I don't feel safe yet... I don't think he will contact me again, but I have said the same thing so many times in the past. However, if I am wrong (again!) and he does contact me - especially with no change in his circumstances - then I don't think that I would even get angry.... Instead I think that I would literally yawn from being absolutely bored with the same old story!