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Ended it with a MM will he reach out? Heartbroken

Scotgirl84

By Scotgirl84
in The Other Man / Woman

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Myabee Established Member

Myabee

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4 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I was going to suggest the same thing. 

If you're at the point that you're having anxiety attacks, this is no longer about this specific man but something else going on inside you. 

So true. Op, a talk person as I call them really helps. They  can offer a different perspective. I've had one for the past 4 years mainly due my falining marriage then to help out with separation and divorce  and she has been amazing. I'vs recently reached out to talking more about getting MM out of my life. I pull strength from my meetings with her. Worth the time and every penny. Best of luck. xx

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torn_heart Established Member

torn_heart

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6 hours ago, Scotgirl84 said:

Was it private or through doctors? 

Private. I tested several therapists before I decided. 

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Scotgirl84 Established Member

Scotgirl84

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On 8/17/2021 at 1:24 PM, torn_heart said:

Private. I tested several therapists before I decided. 

I know you are all going to think I’m so wrong here but I lied and told married man last night that I was going on a date with someone else who was single. He was in shock and was annoyed. I said to him I don’t see why it can be an issue for him when he’s still married and no intentions of leaving he said he’s stuck in the marriage but has nothing with her! He said we are best ending it. I was like why? It seems very conflicting when you are living with someone so shouldn’t matter but he said he was too jealous 

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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Posted (edited)

@Scotgirl84, I’m not going to tell you that you’re wrong. In the case, the end quite easily justifies the means.   It doesn’t matter what you tell him if it gets you out of this mess.   And his stellar example of hypocrisy should show you what kind of man he really is. 

 

Edited by basil67
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Scotgirl84 Established Member

Scotgirl84

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3 minutes ago, basil67 said:

@Scotgirl84, I’m not going to tell you that you’re wrong. In the case, the end quite easily justifies the means.   It doesn’t matter what you tell him if it gets you out of this mess.   And his stellar example of hypocrisy should show you what kind of man he really is. 

 

I know. And I think someone who was really in love with another would not let them go. This has proved it. There’s no going back from this now. I’ve told him how much I love him how I want him to leave and be with me in time. He said he wishes so bad he was single cos he loves me but can’t give me false promises. Think this says it all. 

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Scotgirl84 Established Member

Scotgirl84

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1 minute ago, Scotgirl84 said:

I know. And I think someone who was really in love with another would not let them go. This has proved it. There’s no going back from this now. I’ve told him how much I love him how I want him to leave and be with me in time. He said he wishes so bad he was single cos he loves me but can’t give me false promises. Think this says it all. Nothing I do would be able to get him to leave. So it’s pointless trying anymore totally time to give up 

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Scotgirl84 Established Member

Scotgirl84

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Just now, Scotgirl84 said:
2 minutes ago, Scotgirl84 said:

I know. And I think someone who was really in love with another would not let them go. This has proved it. There’s no going back from this now. I’ve told him how much I love him how I want him to leave and be with me in time. He said he wishes so bad he was single cos he loves me but can’t give me false promises. Think this says it all. Nothing I do would be able to get him to leave. So it’s pointless trying anymore totally time to give up 

Wasted 19 months of my life trying with him 

basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted

Do you also recognise that he let you go because he can’t deal with you dating?  Nothing at all about how this dead end affair is not fair on you, and that he knows he’s holding you back from something real and lasting.   It’s all about him. 

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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2 minutes ago, Scotgirl84 said:

Wasted 19 months of my life trying with him 

Yes, and you're still wasting time lying to him to try to make him jealous. 

 

 

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Scotgirl84 Established Member

Scotgirl84

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14 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Do you also recognise that he let you go because he can’t deal with you dating?  Nothing at all about how this dead end affair is not fair on you, and that he knows he’s holding you back from something real and lasting.   It’s all about him. 

Yea that’s very true 

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Scotgirl84 Established Member

Scotgirl84

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12 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Yes, and you're still wasting time lying to him to try to make him jealous. 

 

 

I know but least it’s done now and I do need to move on. It’s never going to be and I’ll always be strung along 

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Scotgirl84 Established Member

Scotgirl84

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1 minute ago, Scotgirl84 said:

Yea that’s very true 

I’m also glad I walked away without a tear this time and feel a bit stronger cos I know there’s no going back and in a way I know he’s hurt that’s bad isn’t it? 

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Scotgirl84 Established Member

Scotgirl84

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4 minutes ago, Scotgirl84 said:

I’m also glad I walked away without a tear this time and feel a bit stronger cos I know there’s no going back and in a way I know he’s hurt that’s bad isn’t it? 

Please don’t judge me folks I’ve made a big big mistake falling in love with a married man all my own doing. I wished and hoped for the day he would leave and tried every trick in the book but fact is you were all right he’s never going to leave. I have been so naive and silly and suppose this is my own karma. I’ll never ever get into a situation like this again 

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ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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27 minutes ago, Scotgirl84 said:

It’s never going to be and I’ll always be strung along

Yes, exactly. 

I hope, for your sake, that you truly accept this and can drop him now. 

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Scotgirl84 Established Member

Scotgirl84

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Just now, ExpatInItaly said:

Yes, exactly. 

I hope, for your sake, that you truly accept this and can drop him now. 

I don’t see any way back now I’ve lied to him to hurt him and see his reaction there’s no way now I could go back and say I lied to hurt you. It’s done. If he was ever going to leave then this would be the time. He has no intention of being in my future. He said he has a sense of obligation to his kids and her cos her illness and will have to sacrifice his own happiness to make sure they are all happy. Can’t argue with that. I am fighting a losing battle with him 

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NYAG Established Member

NYAG

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Posted
2 hours ago, Scotgirl84 said:

I know you are all going to think I’m so wrong here but I lied and told married man last night that I was going on a date with someone else who was single. He was in shock and was annoyed. I said to him I don’t see why it can be an issue for him when he’s still married and no intentions of leaving he said he’s stuck in the marriage but has nothing with her! He said we are best ending it. I was like why? It seems very conflicting when you are living with someone so shouldn’t matter but he said he was too jealous 

It's always double standards. What he does doesn't apply to anyone else. The number of MMs I see wanting monogamous relationships with APs is hilarious. You're married dude. How less monogamous do you want to be? The response is always that he has no sexual relationship with his wife. Do it. Tell him you're dating, even if you're not. If anything at least it'll be an easy way to get rid of him permanently.

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Snakesalive Established Member

Snakesalive

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On 8/15/2021 at 2:13 PM, Scotgirl84 said:

Update I’ve bought another house perfect home for my kids. I have also walked away from mm for good this time I honestly mean it. Told him I’m worth more and I’m not willing to be his gap filler in his marriage. Told him to go back to his wife and sort his marriage out said to him I’m not second choice never 

This was 6 weeks ago and your resolve was so strong -everything you said was spot on . Unfortunately I think this was a classic case of “fake it till you make it “ believe me I’m not criticising-we’ve all been there . 
Fast forward to now and you’re trying to make him jealous -why? When you’re really really done you won’t need to play these games . 
 

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Snakesalive Established Member

Snakesalive

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1 hour ago, Scotgirl84 said:

I don’t see any way back now I’ve lied to him to hurt him and see his reaction there’s no way now I could go back and say I lied to hurt you. It’s done. If he was ever going to leave then this would be the time. He has no intention of being in my future. He said he has a sense of obligation to his kids and her cos her illness and will have to sacrifice his own happiness to make sure they are all happy. Can’t argue with that. I am fighting a losing battle with him 

He’s told you before he wasn’t going to leave -if not in words certainly in actions . Please don’t keep doing the same thing and expecting to get a different result it will drain you and waste more of your precious life. 
He’s smart . By telling you he’s got an obligation because of her illness and will “sacrifice” his happiness he’s trying to come across as being a great guy who is selfless and giving up his life for his family. He’s manipulating you again into feeling sorry for him and that the decision to leave is out of his control because of the family situation. He doesn’t want you to think badly of him . Classic 

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Snakesalive Established Member

Snakesalive

Posted
Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, Scotgirl84 said:

Please don’t judge me folks I’ve made a big big mistake falling in love with a married man all my own doing. I wished and hoped for the day he would leave and tried every trick in the book but fact is you were all right he’s never going to leave. I have been so naive and silly and suppose this is my own karma. I’ll never ever get into a situation like this again 

For your sake I hope you mean it this time . We’re all guilt of making bad choices . No point in beating yourself up the only path is apologising to people you might have hurt in the process , accepting your mistake , truly learning from it -through therapy if you are able and making better choices in the future. It’s in your gift to do that

Edited by Snakesalive
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Snakesalive Established Member

Snakesalive

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Scotgirl84 said:

He said we are best ending it

I thought you already had ? 

Snakesalive Established Member

Snakesalive

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Posted
2 hours ago, Scotgirl84 said:

he loves me but can’t give me false promises.

This is probably the most honest he’s been and the most  responsible thing he could have said

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Snakesalive Established Member

Snakesalive

Posted
Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, Scotgirl84 said:

was like why?

You asked Why were you best ending the affair  ? 

Edited by Snakesalive
elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted (edited)
48 minutes ago, Snakesalive said:

This is probably the most honest he’s been and the most  responsible thing he could have said

He has always said he can't/won't leave, due to his kids and his wife.
Nothing has changed.
This is just another attempt by the OP to try to force  his hand.
My guess she will cave again, the anxiety and upset will get too much, she will confess to him she lied and that there is no other man.
Relief all around and the affair continues...

The OP is not enough for him to change his life and risk losing his kids.
His kids matter to him, he will not want to fight with them over a mistress, he will not want to be seen as the bad guy who left their ailing mother.
The OP needs to put up and shut up, or walk away altogether. 
She will never persuade this guy to choose her.

Edited by elaine567
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Scotgirl84 Established Member

Scotgirl84

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1 hour ago, elaine567 said:

He has always said he can't/won't leave, due to his kids and his wife.
Nothing has changed.
This is just another attempt by the OP to try to force  his hand.
My guess she will cave again, the anxiety and upset will get too much, she will confess to him she lied and that there is no other man.
Relief all around and the affair continues...

The OP is not enough for him to change his life and risk losing his kids.
His kids matter to him, he will not want to fight with them over a mistress, he will not want to be seen as the bad guy who left their ailing mother.
The OP needs to put up and shut up, or walk away altogether. 
She will never persuade this guy to choose her.

Ok thanks for the confidence boost. Glass half full n all that jazz 

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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Posted
17 minutes ago, Scotgirl84 said:

Ok thanks for the confidence boost. Glass half full n all that jazz 

You said it yourself, you told him to make him jealous, and for him to choose you, NOT to break up with him.
That was his idea.
When he ended it you then asked why?
As you said you have tried every trick in the book to get him to leave, this is just another trick.
A variation on a theme.

Why would we think this time you are actually going to walk away and stay away from him.
He has you sussed. He can do without you, YOU cannot do without him and he knows it..

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