All out of ideas...

[preraph]

You have control over your face, and you can make yourself smile, even when you don't feel smiley.  That's the first step.  

[basil67]

15 minutes ago, Thelambofdeth said:

Not, at lot, admittedly. It's not as simple as it seems.(Though the last one I still don't believe needs addressing.)

 

No, it's not simple.   This is why we have psychologists and therapists to guide us.   As I said before, you're lucky that you have honest mates: you can go to a therapist and list all the things they say about how you appear in social situations.   

[Thelambofdeth]

1 hour ago, PinkFlamingo said:

 

You are like one of these people who always think that they are the only ones with problems and everybody has it easy.

In your mind, looking good will solve all your problems, that you can wait around like a little princess while people will flock to you. That might work for 2 % of the population who are very attractive, but the rest, even the regular attractive one, still have to offer a bit more than that. And the 2 % will still have to work to maintain the attraction. Everybody knows this feeling of silent disappointment when they stumble upon a good-looking person and then discover that they are not the sharpest tool in the box or mean or selfish or utterly boring. Maybe of the 2 % a tenth can get away with just their looks and nothing else, sitting around and looking pretty, but that also requires that they do not demand much from their admirers, they have to be happy with someone who thinks the world of them, just based on their looks. I've seen guys who run after hot women who do not any particulary feelings for them, but compensate that with loving spending their money, and I think, poor little idiots. Although, come to think of it, these women might be a bad example, they are hot and they have a certain finesse and their social skills probably are also pretty good. Whatever, if you do not think you have to work on your social skills, then don't do it, moping is also a way of attracting women.

No, I'm not. I have no idea what led you to that assumption. I never inferred or even remotely alluded to everyone else being issue-less, nor did I attempt to belittle or lessen whatever issues other people had, That said, when you're so focused on your OWN major issues, you'll have to pardon someone for not seemingly portraying themselves as a bleeding heart.

 

I don't expect everyone to read every message before relying in a nine page thread, but again...what you're describing is unfounded and blatantly wrong. I never once said being attractive would solve anything, or that I expect women to flock to me. As I've said numerous times here, that's a silly, unrealistic notion to expect, and I don't. I merely said good-looking men have it easier. I'm not looking to get approached, i'm looking to see if there's signs or hints or some kind of subtle, demonstrated indicator of interest so I know a woman would be susceptible or would allow me to approach. I'm expecting the bare-minimum and frustrated because I never even garner that.

 

Again, as I've said countless time here, i'm not shallow. I don't "run after hot women". I'm not like those delusional men only seeking 8s and 9/10s, and wondering why they have no success. I don't look to women I know are out of my league. Coincidentally, when I go out with friends most of the women I find attractive they believe aren't in my league. I've described numerous times here what I look for in a woman, and I don't feel like doing it again,  but in summation, i'm the farthest thing from shallow.

 

This appears to be a running theme....I.never.said.I.think.I.shouldnt.work.on.my.social.skills. You're doing a lot of straw-manning, baseless assuming and just projecting arguments out of the air. It's painstakingly obvious I need to improve my social skills. It's just improving your social skills, as a unsocial person happens to be very challenging.

[preraph]

This right here is why everybody should send their less gregarious kids to camp, where they have directed group  activities and no excuses.  They will literally teach them how to be part of a group if it's a good camp like Boy Scouts or whatever.  

 

 

Edited December 22, 2019 by preraph

[Thelambofdeth]

23 minutes ago, preraph said:

You have control over your face, and you can make yourself smile, even when you don't feel smiley.  That's the first step.  

That's putting a band-aid over a gunshot wound tbh.

[basil67]

A smile is part of the set of tools you are missing.  Nobody has said a smile will fix everything, but it is something you can work on while you're getting therapy sorted out. 

[preraph]

A smile is something you have complete control over and the ability to do that will make people treat you differently and more positively.

[Thelambofdeth]

5 hours ago, preraph said:

A smile is something you have complete control over and the ability to do that will make people treat you differently and more positively.

Theoretically...possibly....maybe. Yet I've never treated anyone different based on if they were smiling or not...

Edited December 23, 2019 by Thelambofdeth

[basil67]

At the risk of stating the obvious: not everyone thinks the same way as you.   For me, a ready smile is the most basic of requirements I have in a man.

[PinkFlamingo]

10 hours ago, Thelambofdeth said:

No, I'm not. I have no idea what led you to that assumption. I never inferred or even remotely alluded to everyone else being issue-less, nor did I attempt to belittle or lessen whatever issues other people had, That said, when you're so focused on your OWN major issues, you'll have to pardon someone for not seemingly portraying themselves as a bleeding heart.

 

I don't expect everyone to read every message before relying in a nine page thread, but again...what you're describing is unfounded and blatantly wrong. I never once said being attractive would solve anything, or that I expect women to flock to me. As I've said numerous times here, that's a silly, unrealistic notion to expect, and I don't. I merely said good-looking men have it easier. I'm not looking to get approached, i'm looking to see if there's signs or hints or some kind of subtle, demonstrated indicator of interest so I know a woman would be susceptible or would allow me to approach. I'm expecting the bare-minimum and frustrated because I never even garner that.

 

Again, as I've said countless time here, i'm not shallow. I don't "run after hot women". I'm not like those delusional men only seeking 8s and 9/10s, and wondering why they have no success. I don't look to women I know are out of my league. Coincidentally, when I go out with friends most of the women I find attractive they believe aren't in my league. I've described numerous times here what I look for in a woman, and I don't feel like doing it again,  but in summation, i'm the farthest thing from shallow.

 

This appears to be a running theme....I.never.said.I.think.I.shouldnt.work.on.my.social.skills. You're doing a lot of straw-manning, baseless assuming and just projecting arguments out of the air. It's painstakingly obvious I need to improve my social skills. It's just improving your social skills, as a unsocial person happens to be very challenging.

 

You were the one who said OLD was so easy for women and oh, so hard for men, and that women were so shallow, only looking for the hot guys (unlike men of course) and I explained to you that being hot will only get you so far. But if you're not hot and have no social skills, then you are screwed. 

 

I told you what you could do to improve your social skills and you started to ask me how I knew you were shy and an introvert and that going to speed dates was useless. 

[Thelambofdeth]

5 hours ago, PinkFlamingo said:

 

You were the one who said OLD was so easy for women and oh, so hard for men, and that women were so shallow, only looking for the hot guys (unlike men of course) and I explained to you that being hot will only get you so far. But if you're not hot and have no social skills, then you are screwed. 

 

I told you what you could do to improve your social skills and you started to ask me how I knew you were shy and an introvert and that going to speed dates was useless. 

 

Idk how saying women have an advantage is somehow offensive. I'm not going to pretend that things are always equal and fair. That's just not how life is. I'm not saying men aren't shallow. But I'm heterosexual and that hardly matters to me. I'm saying women have the means to be incredibly shallow online, and they certainly take advantage of that. Online dating is complete waste unless you're a 6'5 white male model type.(Which is maddening because I have the height and body of a Male model, but that's not enough.)

Even women online who are five foot tall/6s and 7s appearance wise, want a man who is a 10/10, way over 6 feet, looks like Adam Driver, makes 100k, has a million hobbies, and even more friends. IMO, women on dating site are the most superficial and pickiest people in the world...worse than any demographic of men in that regard. That's the natural result of recieving 80,000 messages a day, I suppose. I'm realistically maybe a 6 to 7/10 in the face in real life but I'm only about a 5-6 in pictures and that's nowhere near enough on those sites. You have to be a 9.5 to 10/10 in the face to get a reply from even just a cute girl. And even if a hot guy is boring or stupid, if he's good in the sack, that's going to be enough for most women. It all comes down to your face.

I will say without question, women are exponentially less shallow irl, but that makes it not easier for me. Literally every time I go out to bars I see guys who are objectively at least two full numerical tiers below me, with attractive women. Short guys, douchy, balding, no fashion sense, etc. It just so happens I'm never included among them when receiving opportunities. Somehow women always find their way to them, while I'm always ignored. My height, abs and wardrobe appear totally useless, and ONLY socials skill appear to be of any merit IRL.(Unless you are attractive, in which that compensates for the lack of social-skills.) So I'm just screwed on both fronts. Not attractive enough for OLD, not social enough for real life.

Just like OLD, I'm sure speed-dating works wonders for SOME people, and is nigh useless for everyone else. It like OLD, allows people to be more selective and particular. It's not something my personally is compatiable with. It takes time for me to warm up to people and I'm not good at charming or endearing myself to others in short bursts. Not to mention, it's totally random. Sitting down with a few random, basic, conventional women I don't know, and likely have nothing in common with, in hopes to make a good impression in six minutes would be pointless for all parties involved. The next guy that sits down with is likely a charismatic James Franco lookalike, so I'm right back to square one, anyway.

Edited December 23, 2019 by Thelambofdeth

[PinkFlamingo]

First the endless whining about online dating, as if only men have problems with that. Online dating doesn't work for me either, so I don't do it, but do you see me whine about it?

 

Then you complain that in real life, in bars, the inferior guys get the women because they have social skills and are able to quickly build a connection with random women, which you could practice going to speed dating events, but which you don't want to, because it's all so shallow, unlike in a loud bar, and because the other guys might be more attractive than you. Strangely, the douchy, unattractive guys in the bars don't care about all the s*** and the reasons why they shouldn't be successful with women and they simply get the women. Maybe they already realized in their youth that their looks wouldn't get them far, so they concentrated on being witty and fun to be around. They could have complained that the better looking/taller/richer guys had it easier, but they didn't, they concentrated on the areas that they were able to improve.

Let's imagine, looks x height x body x style x social skill = attraction and for looks you get a 6, for height a 10, for abs a 9, for dressing sharp an 8 and for social skills a 0, then your level of attractiveness would be 0 nevertheless. Maybe the women do not care about your suit and your height and your abs, because the conversation with you is so unbelievably awkward, while the other guys are simply fun?

 

But I'm so out of here, this conversation is driving me nuts and it is so pointless.

[K.K.]

Thought of you today when I saw this. It’s truly horrifying. 

 

The only saving grace is that Jessica looked superb and it was made so far back that I could still pretend she had a brain. 

 

 

 

✌️

[Thelambofdeth]

3 hours ago, K.K. said:

Thought of you today when I saw this. It’s truly horrifying.

The only saving grace is that Jessica looked superb and it was made so far back that I could still pretend she had a brain.

✌️

Bwahahahaha. Man, I wonder how much drugs Ozzy was one during this shoot. As awful as it is, man his voice is killer. But geez...what possessed him to do that chit?? Not exactly fitting for the prince of darkness....And Jessica Simpson was such a babe...

Edited December 25, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Remove video from quote

[K.K.]

Haha hahaha haha ! IKR ! I saw it and I wanted to poke my eyes out but still, I couldn’t look away! It’s like peanut butter and mustard ! Peas and bananas ! A train wreck of biblical proportions. 

 

So many questions too. How did this happen?! Was it his idea or hers ?! Where could they have possibly even met? Was it a late night talk show? Were they neighbors? How e.x.a.c.t.l.y did this happen?! Yea the prince of darkness and ... Barbie. 

 

He had to have been gone out of his mind. 

 

I knew you’d enjoy it.

 

Merry Christmas 😀

[basil67]

OP, how did your abs get into the list of the things which attract women?  Of all the potential things which may attract me to a man, abs don't even rate.

[Thelambofdeth]

1 hour ago, K.K. said:

Haha hahaha haha ! IKR ! I saw it and I wanted to poke my eyes out but still, I couldn’t look away! It’s like peanut butter and mustard ! Peas and bananas ! A train wreck of biblical proportions. 

 

So many questions too. How did this happen?! Was it his idea or hers ?! Where could they have possibly even met? Was it a late night talk show? Were they neighbors? How e.x.a.c.t.l.y did this happen?! Yea the prince of darkness and ... Barbie. 

 

He had to have been gone out of his mind. 

 

I knew you’d enjoy it.

 

Merry Christmas 😀

Ozzy is lucky. That would've ruined at least the mystique of most performers in his position, but he clearly doesn't gaf and does what. And still somehow manages to keep that cool reputation somehow.(Even after that ungodly, blonde stint in the 90s) Got to give him credit...I guess lol. Would've loved to be a fly on the wall during that whole fiasco.

 

Enjoy your holiday.

[Thelambofdeth]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

OP, how did your abs get into the list of the things which attract women?  Of all the potential things which may attract me to a man, abs don't even rate.

Well I mean I understand you do may not care about abs personally, but objectively, that should be a net positive to most women. Not saying it should garner women in a single-file line vying for my attention, but it should  help. Getting abs takes a great deal of work and dedication, and should be more attractive. It should at least in part help compensate for social discrepancies. Just like height....just like wardrobe....just like grooming....and all the other numerous things I've done that hasn't helped.

Edited December 25, 2019 by Thelambofdeth

[basil67]

There are many things which take work and dedication.  I give far more kudos to the outcomes from hard work which improve one's life.     

 

Anyway, assuming your abs aren't on your dating page (you don't sound like that much of a meathead), women don't know you have abs till you've gotten to the stage of dating and bedroom.  So they don't make a difference to meeting women.

[elaine567]

Seems to me many men love the gym and it is for them an easy fix.
A lot easier than sorting out their emotional,  psychological and social issues anyway.
Hours and hours dedicated to mindless muscle pumping as a diversion.
Yes some women love a muscular guy, but will she choose muscles over good social skills, fun and being a generally good and interesting guy.
Probably not.
Your abs are good to have, but if you had spent a fraction of the time developing your personality, perfecting an easy smile and improving your social skills you wouldn't be on here moaning  about not finding a woman.
Woman do not usually dump men for having less defined abs, they dump them for being someone they cannot get along with...

[K.K.]

I like his personality ! 

 

He’s really fun when it’s something he likes to talk about. 

 

Beating dead horses is a buzzkill. I think he’s in rigor mortis by now. I know I am. 

 

 

 

 

 

[Thelambofdeth]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

There are many things which take work and dedication.  I give far more kudos to the outcomes from hard work which improve one's life.     

 

Anyway, assuming your abs aren't on your dating page (you don't sound like that much of a meathead), women don't know you have abs till you've gotten to the stage of dating and bedroom.  So they don't make a difference to meeting women.

Again, you're projecting. You may not, but the consensus is many women do. Literally the first thing people suggest do for Tinder and the like is add a shirtless picture. 

 

But you're right. I don't really take shirtless pictures and I'm always wearing layers so there's no real way for me to show them, anyway. Don't really help with meeting women....

[Thelambofdeth]

50 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

Seems to me many men love the gym and it is for them an easy fix.
A lot easier than sorting out their emotional,  psychological and social issues anyway.
Hours and hours dedicated to mindless muscle pumping as a diversion.
Yes some women love a muscular guy, but will she choose muscles over good social skills, fun and being a generally good and interesting guy.
Probably not.
Your abs are good to have, but if you had spent a fraction of the time developing your personality, perfecting an easy smile and improving your social skills you wouldn't be on here moaning  about not finding a woman.
Woman do not usually dump men for having less defined abs, they dump them for being someone they cannot get along with...

Well first off, many women love the gyn as well...

 

Second, going to the gym is "no east fix". You don't just get into shape one-night. You have to diet, have a routine and commit to have any form of progress.

 

Third, I'm not a meathead jock who's just looking to get as bulky as possible. I mostly do cardio, and for a lean build. A soccer players physique, not a linebacker. Its not mindless. Physical conditioning is kind of important, actually. Especially as you get older.

 

But I get it, yes. Social skill do matter, I'm greatly lacking them, and they would be quite beneficial to have. But let's not pretend women are altruistic, unbiased, unicorns. There are tons of women dating or seeing men based soley on their looks and/or body. And many of those men...aren't exactly the brightest/nicest.

 

And I do have a "developed personality". Its just not the most broad.

[basil67]

20 minutes ago, Thelambofdeth said:

But let's not pretend women are altruistic, unbiased, unicorns. There are tons of women dating or seeing men based soley on their looks and/or body. And many of those men...aren't exactly the brightest/nicest.

 

These men are mere placeholders.   Thing is, intelligent women settle down with men who are interesting.  As said to me just recently by a young woman "He's hot, nice and respectful, but he's not academic enough"   So he's in the FWB basket till someone who's enjoys learning comes along.    

[basil67]

1 hour ago, K.K. said:

Beating dead horses is a buzzkill. I think he’s in rigor mortis by now. I know I am.

 

When the OP has had enough of staying on topic, he can contact the mods to close the thread.  There's plenty of space elsewhere on the forums to talk about music without being disrupted by the original post.