All out of ideas...

[chillii]

On 1/1/2020 at 3:09 PM, Thelambofdeth said:

Yes, i'm deathly serious. Almost always. Likely to a fault.

That bottom line could be the big problem right there.

Haven't read the thread but scanning this last page, title, that line , deathly serious sounds pretty bloody serious. Few people round the forum with problems also sound like one of the biggest things for them might be seriousness .

People round the forum are always banging on about looks and attractiveness, as if 90% of the world are beautiful and they're in the 10% that miss out. l can never believe it the real tables are vise verse .  And as l've said a dozen times, just look on any street at everyday couples, the real world, not internet la la land. Very few couples are much to look at at all , average or way below is more like it. So how is that so then , well, very simple , they just liked each other and later found they get along things in common connections and all the complexities that make a couple a couple.

But l'll tell ya , a deathly serious demeanor  , resting b@tchface , l see someone mention aura , they're twin souls in this stuff, and could well be turning 99% of the opposite sex straight off romantically in a heartbeat, no matter what anyone looks like, that kinda thing is usually very obvious at a glance.

Edited January 3, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fixed formatting.

[Thelambofdeth]

1 hour ago, chillii said:

That bottom line could be the big problem right there.

Haven't read the thread but scanning this last page, title, that line , deathly serious sounds pretty bloody serious. Few people round the forum with problems also sound like one of the biggest things for them might be seriousness .

I don't doubt it, but there's not at great do I can do about it. Even after a few cocktails on NYE, that's pretty much always my disposition. And I can see directly how that's a big handicap in social settings.

Quote

People round the forum are always banging on about looks and attractiveness, as if 90% of the world are beautiful and they're in the 10% that miss out. l can never believe it the real tables are vise verse .  And as l've said a dozen times, just look on any street at everyday couples, the real world, not internet la la land. Very few couples are much to look at at all , average or way below is more like it. So how is that so then , well, very simple , they just liked each other and later found they get along things in common connections and all the complexities that make a couple a couple.

It's not even just that. I've mused many times, whenever I go out I see guys who are objectively worse off physically than I, go off and approach and talk to attractive women. I flat-out cannot do it regardless of being that aware. I know looks aren't everything but if you're stifled socially, looks are the ideal way to compensate. And physical appearance dictate if you even get a chance in the first place.

Finding someone to like me, and discovering possible common connections is hardly simple for me. It's been virtually impossible,

Quote

But l'll tell ya , a deathly serious demeanor  , resting b@tchface , l see someone mention aura , they're twin souls in this stuff, and could well be turning 99% of the opposite sex straight off romantically in a heartbeat, no matter what anyone looks like, that kinda thing is usually very obvious at a glance.

Sure, but being serious and a stern face aren't exactly simple to switch off. Believe me.

[elaine567]

Women WILL notice your "kinda long" black painted fingernails from a mile off and they won't like them one bit. 
Crazy "metal" guy who wants to stand out and plays in a band, no problem whatsoever.
Random probably crazy/weird/gay dude in a wine bar with a RBF, run a  mile...

OK to want to look "different", but get your self a gf first. you can then have great fun painting each others nails...

[K.K.]

What is that Elaine, tough love? 

Gotdamn  😖 

 

 

[Thelambofdeth]

41 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

Women WILL notice your "kinda long" black painted fingernails from a mile off and they won't like them one bit. 
 

Some women. Perhaps many, yet I've had a couple of women engage and compliment them. Sure one turned out to be engaged, and the other a bit too...liberal for me but still. Sounds like you're projecting.

Quote

Crazy "metal" guy who wants to stand out and plays in a band, no problem whatsoever.
Random probably crazy/weird/gay dude in a wine bar with a RBF, run a  mile...

That's a wiiiild assumption there. If she's going to randomly, and ignorantly assume i'm weird and gay from black nails, then there's bound to be a myriad of other assumptive liberties said woman will likely make about aspects of myself I literally can't change which will be far more impactful, anyway. In which case it's best she'd "run" for both parties involved.

Quote

OK to want to look "different", but get your self a gf first. you can then have great fun painting each others nails...

lolwhat? I don't have some weird nail fetish. I don't want to have someone else paint my nails, or me paint theirs. Who tf does that?? And if fat, out of shape unemployed, abusive slobs can attain a girlfriend, than the shock, horror and unmitigated gall of literal black nails really shouldn't be that big of a deal ffs. Of all the countless negative physical and personal traits people posses and still find themselves in and out of relationship, nail paint is apparently the end-all line in the sand. loools.

Edited January 2, 2020 by Thelambofdeth

[elaine567]

No, just the truth. 
I get the social anxiety, but the most popular people are mainstream. Women in general like to feel safe and comfortable.
If you have a fear of rejection then don't dress in ways that mean most women will reject you just by looking at you.
That is self sabotage,  pure and simple.
All very well to moan about "looks", but the best looking guy is not going to be very successful if he decides to  take himself out of the "norm".
Too many "strugglers" refuse to change, "the world needs to change".
Fine but the world doesn't change, it keeps on spinning...

[Thelambofdeth]

Lol that is really chit advice tbh. Basically saying conform and be just like everyone else and maybe people will like you because you're safe and just like them. Not everyone is trying to/wants to/can be/gives af about being popular or "mainstream". I'm not in high school, and I'm not going after blonde supermodels who listen to Taylor Swift. Acting and dressing and pretending to be just like everyone isn't a guarantee of anything, and all its actually doing is repressing who you actually are. And there's hardly ever valid reason to do that, let alone so sheep-ish strangers might superficially "accept" you.

[Veronica73]

They didn’t even look well kept-up in the photo I saw. And they looked quite long. I absolutely would notice them right away. And would have an immediate, gut level, repulsion. Now if I got to know you better, maybe it would be something I could overlook. I don’t think black painted nails would bother me at all. It’s the length. And it would absolutely stand out. (Although I don’t like nails that long on women either, but at least on women they usually have them in better condition.)

[chillii]

Black nails eh , cool . but that one with women , no clue. l do know they don't like long nails for obvious reasons though so no need to get into that one haha

Where was l , ahh yes. People read my mood very easily particularly if l'm in a shyt, total strangers walk way around me on the street  . l don't like being intimidating in any way so years ago l started practicing especially if l'm in a bad mood, trying to soften my look. l'm 50s now it's easy , but it took awhile.

You know what , if you even just unstraighten your mouth, just a touch into just the slightest of a grin, not grinning, or stupid fake smile, but just to the very begging of it , that one tiny thing changes your whole look, eyes, facial stance, all of it. Do a few experiments around people, you'll be amazed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[PinkFlamingo]

20 hours ago, Thelambofdeth said:

First off, I thought this thread was "pointless" and driving you "nuts" or wtf ever?

 

Second, no one is enabling me. I've been called out on my deficiencies  regarding my outlook on women and dating numerous times in this thread.

 

Third, what is you solution? Speed-dating? Yes a way to more readily extinguish whatever remnants of self-esteem I still possess. Speed-dating is ideal or confidence, extroverted, charming people who make good first impressions in short bursts. It's not plausible for someone in my position. Not good around people that I don't already know, who I likely have nothing in common with...

The number pages had gone up and I was wondering what the hell people were posting and then I saw all the enabler posts. 

If you're so much into heavy metal music, go to a heavy metal bar. Although I'm not sure what would be the point in going there, since you are:

• too socially crippled to start a conversation with anybody and you won't practice
• not good looking enough to get approached by women
• convinced that your abs and clothes are everything. Theoretically those women should like you based on that alone, but unfortunately they rather go for the ugly guys with good social skills (Why are women so dumb? Why don't they understand that abs and clothes are the most important thing about a man?).

[Thelambofdeth]

13 hours ago, Veronica73 said:

They didn’t even look well kept-up in the photo I saw. And they looked quite long. I absolutely would notice them right away. And would have an immediate, gut level, repulsion. Now if I got to know you better, maybe it would be something I could overlook. I don’t think black painted nails would bother me at all. It’s the length. And it would absolutely stand out. (Although I don’t like nails that long on women either, but at least on women they usually have them in better condition.)

Hmmm...well I can't exactly argue about the length. I don't exactly get manicures and I just think they look cool but hmmmm....

13 hours ago, chillii said:

Black nails eh , cool . but that one with women , no clue. l do know they don't like long nails for obvious reasons though so no need to get into that one haha

Where was l , ahh yes. People read my mood very easily particularly if l'm in a shyt, total strangers walk way around me on the street  . l don't like being intimidating in any way so years ago l started practicing especially if l'm in a bad mood, trying to soften my look. l'm 50s now it's easy , but it took awhile.

You know what , if you even just unstraighten your mouth, just a touch into just the slightest of a grin, not grinning, or stupid fake smile, but just to the very begging of it , that one tiny thing changes your whole look, eyes, facial stance, all of it. Do a few experiments around people, you'll be amazed.

I never even considered that possible connotation. I could see why the length would come off as glaring red flag....jeez. How did I never even think of that? Loools

People can detect my mod easily, and I go out of my way not to appear intimidating, but that might just be making it worse. I'll have to look into altering my natural, at rest expression but I'm honestly not expecting a huge difference. Can't really hurt, though.

[Thelambofdeth]

1 hour ago, PinkFlamingo said:

The number pages had gone up and I was wondering what the hell people were posting and then I saw all the enabler posts. 

Idk where you are seeing this "enabling". There's people literally saying I appear like a gay weirdo and need to be a toally different person just to have a chance at finding a gf. That I need to totally conform like I'm looking to date a blonde cheerleader or some such chit.

 

Quote

If you're so much into heavy metal music, go to a heavy metal bar. Although I'm not sure what would be the point in going there, since you are:

too socially crippled to start a conversation with anybody and you won't practice

not good looking enough to get approached by women

convinced that your abs and clothes are everything. Theoretically those women should like you based on that alone, but unfortunately they rather go for the ugly guys with good social skills (Why are women so dumb? Why don't they understand that abs and clothes are the most important thing about a man?).

I've tried that. Not too many metal bars here and the ones we have don't exactly garner the same crowds as the generic ones.

Its not like I'm refusing to practice out of spite. I can't. Basically literally. I want to try but it's been an impossibility this far.

No, clearly I'm not. If I looked like Zac Efron I wouldn't exactly be in this position. And the attire, height, body, grooming, etc hasn't been enough to compensate for the fact I didn't happen to be born good-looking.

You're reaching and straw-manning like it's going out of style, dude...

A. I never said my abs and clothes should be "everything". Never insinuated that they should garner a crowd of women in a single-file line vying for not attention. Theres a huge middle ground. Just that those two components aligned with my height should be able to compensate for something. It's not like I'm grotesquely ugly, or that I haven't seen guys who are worse off(physically) recieve numerous goodwill from women, which I habitually don't. Thats kinda....frustrating. I don't get jealous or envious when good-looking guys get attention from women. That's logical, it makes sense. That's how it's supposed to be. It's guys who put f*** all in their appearance who look like slobs do, and I'm standing here in a 3,000$ outfit with nothing. Maddening.

B. Again, never said I should receive affinity based on those aspects alone...just that it should be enough to occasionally get me a chance.

C. Ffs, never said women are dumb, or that clothes and abs are the most important variables of anything. You're totally reducing my argument to fit some false, cracked narrative you're spinning to make me seen deluded, stupid and mysognostic. None of which I am. All I am saying is the physical attributes I have should be enough for me to recieve an occasional look in a bar. Christ, that's not asking for a great deal.

[Veronica73]

24 minutes ago, Thelambofdeth said:

All I am saying is the physical attributes I have should be enough for me to recieve an occasional look in a bar. Christ, that's not asking for a great deal.

I agree. So there must be something else that is turning them off. (Like the fingernails, lol). Maybe the vibe you’re giving off. Or the look on your face. It’s hard to say.

I can’t remember if you’ve answered this, but are there contemporary galleries and art show openings around where you live? Or open studios? I ask because a lot of artists tend to be nonconformists and unique. (I mean, not like Thomas Kincade or somebody like that obviously). But similar values seems more important than specific interests. So I think people who are interested in the arts and ideas might get along really well. Even if they know nothing about metal. Or even music. I’m into visual art and I seriously dated an orchestra conductor for a while. I know next to nothing about music, especially classical music, but just being able to appreciate the other person’s passion, and talk about it was enough. Creativity is very similar no matter which discipline you are talking about. 

[PinkFlamingo]

24 minutes ago, Thelambofdeth said:

Idk where you are seeing this "enabling". There's people literally saying I appear like a gay weirdo and need to be a toally different person just to have a chance at finding a gf. That I need to totally conform like I'm looking to date a blonde cheerleader or some such chit.

 

I've tried that. Not too many metal bars here and the ones we have don't exactly garner the same crowds as the generic ones.

Its not like I'm refusing to practice out of spite. I can't. Basically literally. I want to try but it's been an impossibility this far.

No, clearly I'm not. If I looked like Zac Efron I wouldn't exactly be in this position. And the attire, height, body, grooming, etc hasn't been enough to compensate for the fact I didn't happen to be born good-looking.

You're reaching and straw-manning like it's going out of style, dude...

A. I never said my abs and clothes should be "everything". Never insinuated that they should garner a crowd of women in a single-file line vying for not attention. Theres a huge middle ground. Just that those two components aligned with my height should be able to compensate for something. It's not like I'm grotesquely ugly, or that I haven't seen guys who are worse off(physically) recieve numerous goodwill from women, which I habitually don't. Thats kinda....frustrating. I don't get jealous or envious when good-looking guys get attention from women. That's logical, it makes sense. That's how it's supposed to be. It's guys who put f*** all in their appearance who look like slobs do, and I'm standing here in a 3,000$ outfit with nothing. Maddening.

B. Again, never said I should receive affinity based on those aspects alone...just that it should be enough to occasionally get me a chance.

C. Ffs, never said women are dumb, or that clothes and abs are the most important variables of anything. You're totally reducing my argument to fit some false, cracked narrative you're spinning to make me seen deluded, stupid and mysognostic. None of which I am. All I am saying is the physical attributes I have should be enough for me to recieve an occasional look in a bar. Christ, that's not asking for a great deal.

You're using to much "should," which means you are refusing to accept reality as it is.

Women simply don't think that your clothes and abs are enough. You think it should be enough, but well, it just isn't! Accept that.

Ugly guys with social skills get more women than you. Accept that as well. And why are they more successful? Because they probably do not hang around bemoaning the fact that women don't approach them. They accept their bad looks and compensate that with other skills, otherwise women would ignore them just as they ignore you.

You're always talking how you think things should be. Well, but they aren't. I think a lot more good-looking interesting guys my age should be after me, but well, they aren't. 

And you are not trying. You just sit there and say, oh, that will absolutely not work, I'm so bad at doing that. That's like someone wanting to do pull ups and but not being able to do them, because it's too hard for him and also not wanting to train, because, well, training is also hard and because he is far away from a pull up. And of course you will suck at speed dating, most people will suck at something that they are not used to doing. If you want to improve your social skills you have to go out and talk with people. Reading books won't help, watching TV won't help, posting on this forum won't help. Nobody has managed to learn doing pull ups by watching videos alone and that's the same with social skills. And the advantage with speed dating is, the women are stuck with you, they can't leave and they are open to meeting someone. Also, there is usually an afterparty I think, where you can ask for feedback. Treat it as a practice ground.

 And 12 pages blablabla with nobody telling you to get your ass out and do something in my opinion is enabling. 

[elaine567]

21 hours ago, Thelambofdeth said:

Acting and dressing and pretending to be just like everyone isn't a guarantee of anything, and all its actually doing is repressing who you actually are. And there's hardly ever valid reason to do that, let alone so sheep-ish strangers might superficially "accept" you.

Ah, the good old sheep...

[preraph]

My two cents on the fingernails. Do you if you want, but don't sacrifice your profession for them.  Mostly you are not going to see black fingernails on anyone not in music or arts, so don't expect it to be accepted in a conventional job.  

I knew plenty of guys who had painted finger and toenails.  They all left it on far too long and didn't take it off after it got really raggedy looking, so my opinion is if you're going to do it, take it off before going to any conventional job, and take it off after you have a chip.  And personal preference, I don't think long ones look good on guys.  I think neatly manicured ones with a fresh coat are fine for recreation.  

[Veronica73]

Well, it kinda depends on where you live. Where I live, I sometimes feel like I’m unique because I don’t have facial piercings or an arm sleeve.

[Foxhall]

its not all sunshine either being in a relationship,

you have to deal with jealousy and paranoia,

"Why are you being flirty with that girl in the cafe"

"Why are you not holding hands with me in here- are you not wanting the waitress to see"

"why are you making no moves to talk about moving in together after six months dating"

"why have you not introduced me to your close cousin yet"(outside of my control but taken in a negative view towards me)

actually being in the relationship can create different problems,😁

 

if you have a few guys to meet up with and have a social outlet, its not that bad and even less stressful being single.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

4 minutes ago, Foxhall said:

 

"Why are you not holding hands with me in here- are you not wanting the waitress to see"

 

Has someone actually said that to you? That's next-level jealousy.....

[Foxhall]

Yes today actually,

I do like this lady but it can be hard work some days🙂

[elaine567]

 

 

2 hours ago, Foxhall said:

I do like this lady but it can be hard work some days🙂

 

You live in constant fear of her jealousy.

Your ex is your new best friend? Not anymore! Sometimes you get a ride from that pretty neighbour of yours? Forget it! This is how it’s gonna be if you want to live in peace and happiness, especially when you’re starting a relationship and insecurities abound. Mexicans are the jealous type, but since we’re all the same, we hardly notice it. That said, if you ever run into a girl that manifestly admits to be VERY jealous…get the hell out of there.

Edited January 3, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed URL, too many commercial links

[chillii]

7 hours ago, Foxhall said:

Yes today actually,

I do like this lady but it can be hard work some days🙂

Ohhhh yeah. You'd run at what l'm dealing with right now, they're hard work alright, thankfully jealousy isn't one though.

[Thelambofdeth]

11 hours ago, Veronica73 said:

I agree. So there must be something else that is turning them off. (Like the fingernails, lol). Maybe the vibe you’re giving off. Or the look on your face. It’s hard to say.

I can’t remember if you’ve answered this, but are there contemporary galleries and art show openings around where you live? Or open studios? I ask because a lot of artists tend to be nonconformists and unique. (I mean, not like Thomas Kincade or somebody like that obviously). But similar values seems more important than specific interests. So I think people who are interested in the arts and ideas might get along really well. Even if they know nothing about metal. Or even music. I’m into visual art and I seriously dated an orchestra conductor for a while. I know next to nothing about music, especially classical music, but just being able to appreciate the other person’s passion, and talk about it was enough. Creativity is very similar no matter which discipline you are talking about. 

Highly likely a combination of all of the above.(Still totally embarrassed I never put two and two together concerning the nails...wtf...)

I've wanted to do that personally for a while. Art galleries or exhibits or what have you. I've always been interested. Not just for the art but because the people there would likely be more my wavelength for many of the reasons you've stated. Issue is, I'd be there alone because most of my friends are dudebros or just aren't into it, and that's where my hesitantion stems. I'm basically useless in a venue where I don't already know someone.

8 hours ago, Veronica73 said:

Well, it kinda depends on where you live. Where I live, I sometimes feel like I’m unique because I don’t have facial piercings or an arm sleeve.

I need to move somewhere like that. I have neither but I've always had an affinity for women who had both/either.

[Thelambofdeth]

11 hours ago, PinkFlamingo said:

You're using to much "should," which means you are refusing to accept reality as it is.

Women simply don't think that your clothes and abs are enough. You think it should be enough, but well, it just isn't! Accept that.

Ugly guys with social skills get more women than you. Accept that as well. And why are they more successful? Because they probably do not hang around bemoaning the fact that women don't approach them. They accept their bad looks and compensate that with other skills, otherwise women would ignore them just as they ignore you.

You're always talking how you think things should be. Well, but they aren't. I think a lot more good-looking interesting guys my age should be after me, but well, they aren't. 

And you are not trying. You just sit there and say, oh, that will absolutely not work, I'm so bad at doing that. That's like someone wanting to do pull ups and but not being able to do them, because it's too hard for him and also not wanting to train, because, well, training is also hard and because he is far away from a pull up. And of course you will suck at speed dating, most people will suck at something that they are not used to doing. If you want to improve your social skills you have to go out and talk with people. Reading books won't help, watching TV won't help, posting on this forum won't help. Nobody has managed to learn doing pull ups by watching videos alone and that's the same with social skills. And the advantage with speed dating is, the women are stuck with you, they can't leave and they are open to meeting someone. Also, there is usually an afterparty I think, where you can ask for feedback. Treat it as a practice ground.

 And 12 pages blablabla with nobody telling you to get your ass out and do something in my opinion is enabling. 

I'm a logical person, when things I can't control don't make sense its frustrating. I'm glad so many other people have a penchant for accepting things. Good from them. Must be blissful. Congratulations.

You don't understand, dude. Speed dating is like a condensed version of online dating, and attached are the same pitfalls, lopsided biases and restrictions...too much choice. (For some which leads in turn leads to none for others) Sure, people there are "open to meet people"...doesn't make things any easier. They still already have in-mind the basic archetype of a person they want and will accept and vert few people waver or deviate at all from that conventional preference. ESPECIALLY when there's the looming, alluring chance of a Chad as the next date. From my logical assumption, alternative people don't really go to speed-dating events. All of the people there are going to be basic. Those people are expecting other people just as generic and safe as them. They will all have that in common at least, and if you're different it's basically a time-sink with no tangible benefits. It's like practicing lifting weights to enhance cardio stamina. It doesn't align. And sure you have a few minutes, but just because they're essentially socially obligated to humor you, doesn't mean they're interested. You can hit on someone at a bar and they can be polite and not dismiss you immediately...doesn't mean they're interested. Just polite. Speed-dating would be setting myself up for failure and totally shatter any remnants of self-esteem I had left.

Again, idk if you cant read, refuse to, or are allergic to comprehension. No one has said "just do nothing and be yourself and you'll meet someone." Literally no one. I've recieved numerous criticisms, constructive and otherwise, that has noted how much I need to change drastically to the point of resembling some form of "normalcy" for any hope of finding an companion. Don't know wtf you've been skimming through but it sure isn't this thread.

Edited January 3, 2020 by Thelambofdeth

[Thelambofdeth]

8 hours ago, elaine567 said:

Ah, the good old sheep...

A spade's a spade. If I was aiming for girls who did yoga, have a dog, listen to Maroon 5 and order pumpkin spice lattes I'm sure your advice of selling-out and pretending to be a hive-mind normie would actually be useful.