pepperbird Posted June 14, 2019 Share Posted June 14, 2019 All we ask for is not to have BS like "nobody can be truly happy without children" being thrown at us all the time. I have no problem with someone being child free by choice. It doesn't take anything away from me, so why does it matter? One thing I would appreciate however is for those "child free by choice" individuals to return the same respect they want for themselves. Most keep any snarky comments to themselves ( if they even have any) but a few like to sit there and look down on others who do have kids. Mind you, they probably look down on everyone besides themselves anyway, no matter what the reason... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted June 14, 2019 Share Posted June 14, 2019 I have no problem with someone being child free by choice. It doesn't take anything away from me, so why does it matter? One thing I would appreciate however is for those "child free by choice" individuals to return the same respect they want for themselves. Most keep any snarky comments to themselves ( if they even have any) but a few like to sit there and look down on others who do have kids. Mind you, they probably look down on everyone besides themselves anyway, no matter what the reason... From my own observations, people who feel the need to justify their “choice” (e.g., by saying how miserable others are, or by bragging about their life to others) generally fall into two camps: 1. they care excessively about how others view them; 2. they regret their own choice deep down or resent the fact that they didn’t do enough to change their lives. Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted June 14, 2019 Share Posted June 14, 2019 From my own observations, people who feel the need to justify their “choice” 1. they care excessively about how others view them; 2. they regret their own choice deep down or resent the fact that they didn’t do enough to change their lives. Agreed. Why anyone would need a study to validate their life choices is beyond me. Some are just cut out to be parents, others prefer a different path. I don't understand why this should be contentious. Link to post Share on other sites
Blip86 Posted June 14, 2019 Share Posted June 14, 2019 And those women find joy and fulfilment in different ways while dealing with the trauma of a lost dream and unfulfilled desire ..... Yeah but that’s like saying you can learn to be happy if you lose a loved one. Sure, but it is coping, not source of joy. Childless woman by desire is an unicorn. It is usually just rationalizing the inability to procreate. That’s why the study is so sad and detached from reality. Link to post Share on other sites
Fluffkitty Posted June 14, 2019 Share Posted June 14, 2019 Agreed. Why anyone would need a study to validate their life choices is beyond me. Some are just cut out to be parents, others prefer a different path. I don't understand why this should be contentious. It's contentious because us child free have to listen to others (as seen on this thread even) say that we are avoiding responsibility, are bitter because we are unable to find someone to fulfill our biological destiny and that we are going to die old and alone because we wanted to party and avoid growing up. One poster on this thread said that we will be the cause for the downfall of society!! And there is always the one that makes us cringe " you will never know what love really is until you have a child". To me, choosing to not have a child was the most serious, adult decision I ever made. I came to the conclusion that I would not make a good mother and why in the world would I bring an innocent life into this world and then be a bad mother. That would cause that child to suffer emotional pain for the rest of their life. That is the opposite of avoiding responsibility, that is looking at oneself deeply and understanding what you are capable of. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted June 14, 2019 Share Posted June 14, 2019 If these miserable parents feel the need to justify their choices by putting others down, then you can just smile and feel sorry for them Link to post Share on other sites
Fluffkitty Posted June 14, 2019 Share Posted June 14, 2019 (edited) Yeah but that’s like saying you can learn to be happy if you lose a loved one. Sure, but it is coping, not source of joy. Childless woman by desire is an unicorn. It is usually just rationalizing the inability to procreate. That’s why the study is so sad and detached from reality. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I present to you Exhibit A... Edited June 14, 2019 by Fluffkitty 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted June 14, 2019 Share Posted June 14, 2019 Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I present to you Exhibit A... Well maybe this particular person is one of those who wanted to have kids very badly but couldn’t. In that case, she needs to see a therapist to help her cope. If, on the other hand, she is a mother and yet expressed such views about women without kids. Then I can guarantee you she’s secretly regretting or resenting her decision Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted June 14, 2019 Share Posted June 14, 2019 W Then I can guarantee you she’s secretly regretting or resenting her decision I think it might be a good idea for people to stop assuming they know what someone else is thinking or feeling. Just like it doesn't make a lot of sense for someone to look at someone who chooses to not have children and make assumptions about why they made that choice, it doesn't make sense to say that someone who has kids and feels a certain way does so because they regret their decision. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Veronica73 Posted June 14, 2019 Share Posted June 14, 2019 Childless woman by desire is an unicorn. It is usually just rationalizing the inability to procreate. That’s why the study is so sad and detached from reality. That’s ridiculous. You don’t know what you are talking about. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted June 14, 2019 Share Posted June 14, 2019 (edited) Articles like that one are there to counter balance all the shyte that single and childfree put up with from society all the time. For some of us it's a choice that genuinely makes us happier. Some of us have pushed themselves to be in relationships just to be "normal". Similar to gay people pushing themselves to be hetero to be accepted. Not exactly a foreign concept. It's contentious because us child free have to listen to others (as seen on this thread even) say that we are avoiding responsibility, are bitter because we are unable to find someone to fulfill our biological destiny and that we are going to die old and alone because we wanted to party and avoid growing up. Right. All of us deserve to be represented in a good light by positive role models we can relate to and see ourselves in. For centuries, it's been married couples with just the right number of kids. Now it's not - these changes should totally be reflected in high circulation media as well as the collective consciousness. It's the only way perceptions can change. This still isn't the case now, and this is why articles like these are so useful. That is the opposite of avoiding responsibility, that is looking at oneself deeply and understanding what you are capable of. Absolutely. Those child free women (and men!) I know say the exact same thing. This takes nothing away from those who choose to have kids. There is no perfect life, no right way of doing things, no one path is the same - this diversity should be better reflected in all areas of society. Edited June 14, 2019 by littleblackheart 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted June 15, 2019 Share Posted June 15, 2019 Yeah but that’s like saying you can learn to be happy if you lose a loved one. Sure, but it is coping, not source of joy. Childless woman by desire is an unicorn. It is usually just rationalizing the inability to procreate. That’s why the study is so sad and detached from reality. I definitely feel a lot of joy lol..my fiance, my three dogs, and I just enjoy living really . I feel sad I may not be able to have kids-or have them easily easily (I will probably need treatment) but I am definitely doing a lot more than merely "coping" lol. And a lot of parents I know aren't always happier than me that's for sure. Some are some aren't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 I don't put much stock in these correlational studies. Especially when most of them show marriage does seem to be correlated to more happiness. Unsure if anyone saw the updated critiques with the methodology of this study. Are single women actually happier? Study misinterprets data, researchers say Long story short, the "spouse present" questions Dolan used to make his conclusions were misused. Apparently, the decrease in happiness Dolan found appears to occur when spouses are absent in a married woman’s life for various reasons, instead of married women admitting their misery only when their spouse leaves the room during a survey. Two experts with the survey used claim he misanalyzed the question about a spouse’s presence or absence. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author aguy123 Posted June 19, 2019 Author Share Posted June 19, 2019 really all I have to add Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 I also don't take these studies too seriously. Happiness is highly subjective. There are happy married and single women (and men) and miserable married and single women (and men). With or without kids, you make certain sacrifices. I'd love to have kids, but it may be that ship has sailed. So while I'm still hoping for it, I've also begun considering how my life will go if it doesn't happen. There are pros and cons to each, and while for a few years there I was bogged down in the negatives, now I'm focusing on the positives - more money to spend on myself as opposed to kids and more freedom to do whatever I want are the biggies. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 Ha l can't believe anyone takes 90% of them serious , really, l can pick holes through 90% of them with no morning coffee and one eye closed. Actually there usually is at least one eye closed before l get some coffee Anyway , l dunno why anyone would even giva shyt whatever the case , women can do what they want like the rest of us , who cares ! Link to post Share on other sites
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