What is your honest opinion of women over 40

[stillafool]

IME women that have had/raised kids are far more desirable than those that haven't for guys out there in that age group....all else being equal...I don't know of any guys that would see that as a negative, unless the guy hated kids and she had little ones...

 

There is no doubt a definite difference in these women vs the ones that have never had kids..It may be a primal response as it shows the woman as fertile, but I dunno...Again, only in my experience with childless middle aged women, they seem kinda cold...and these women generally struggled to find/keep guys around..

 

TFY

 

How would you be able to tell if a woman has had kids or not just by looking at them? Wouldn't you have made up your mind whether you find her attractive before you even speak? Not all women who have never married have struggled to keep guys around. Believe it or not some women are extremely attractive but have decided they don't want marriage or kids. They look fertile, are fertile but don't want children. Men still want them.

[elaine567]

You seem to be having a great life and those are the things that are important. However I have to disagree with you about everyone having seen too much. No way an 18 year old girl has seen as much as this 60 year old woman. The innocence is still in her eyes and you can see it; but no longer in mine. That is what can't be altered by surgery or procedure.

 

It depends on the 18 yo though, some have been through hell and back.

Some 60yos have led a charmed existence too

 

I also think it is about the individual.

Some people sail through calamities and tragedies almost unscathed whereas others wallow in grief and worry for years and decades over relatively small hitches and setbacks...

[Shining One]

It seems like the OP has proved a point. Middle aged women have a much harder time finding age appropriate quality men for dating, many men view middle aged women as undesirable and prefer young women.

I would argue that they struggle relatively (compared to their younger selves) rather than objectively. I'll use my younger self as an example of objectively struggling. For my late teens and most of my twenties, I had literally zero prospects. Women in their 40's tend to have less prospects than they had in their 30's and younger, but still have prospects.

 

I'd be curious as to who receives more initial messages on OLD: A 45-year-old man or a 45-year-old woman.

[PhillyLibertyBelle]

I would argue that they struggle relatively (compared to their younger selves) rather than objectively. I'll use my younger self as an example of objectively struggling. For my late teens and most of my twenties, I had literally zero prospects. Women in their 40's tend to have less prospects than they had in their 30's and younger, but still have prospects.

 

I'd be curious as to who receives more initial messages on OLD: A 45-year-old man or a 45-year-old woman.

 

That would be interesting on the OLD front. I only tried it for 3 months when I was 49 so I’m not a good enough sample to judge against.

[Better]

After a relatively bad breakup, I'm not currently dating but will get back to it eventually. I found this thread interesting.

 

I'm 47 and have been married but never had or wanted children. I've been divorced now for ten years and have had various relationships over that time. It's a good way to learn about not just others but also, and probably more importantly, yourself.

 

My ideal situation would be to find someone who does not have children who live at home and is close to my age by plus or minus five years. Being fit would be nice as I tend to eat healthy, work out most every day, and many of my hobbies require some level of physical fitness such as running, hiking, or cycling. I'd prefer to do those things with my partner if at all possible.

 

I'm really not interested in dating someone who is much older or much younger than I am. I find that dating someone who is close to my age leads to a lot more intimacy in that we have a common reference for the cultural times in which we have both lived.

[stillafool]

It depends on the 18 yo though, some have been through hell and back.

Some 60yos have led a charmed existence too

 

I also think it is about the individual.

Some people sail through calamities and tragedies almost unscathed whereas others wallow in grief and worry for years and decades over relatively small hitches and setbacks...

 

I don't think it matters. There's a big difference young eyeballs and ones that are 42 years older. You can't turn back the clock no matter how skillful the surgeon.

[BluEyeL]

I only read the first page. I don't know about women over 40 with no chidren and never married. I was married and had a child when I started dating at 41.

 

I went on many dates, over 30 first dates within 18 months, mostly with men in their 40s. I think I did date one man who was 50 or 51, went on one date only. And my husband, whom I met when I was 42 and he was 49, was the oldest man I've dated.

 

I've never been on a date with a man in his later 50s or 60s. I've never felt used for flings or not taken seriously as a potential dating partner. Sure, there were men who were clearly just looking for sex, but I didn't take that any further than the first or second date, and I did not feel that had anything to do with my age.

[elaine567]

I don't think it matters. There's a big difference young eyeballs and ones that are 42 years older. You can't turn back the clock no matter how skillful the surgeon.

Ok so you meant eyeballs looking different literally...

[Youngestdaughter]

Any man or woman for that matter, should be attracted to the person: intelligence, sense of humor, and yes even looks. At 19, I fell in love with a 37 year old and we were together 16 years. Not because I liked older men or he liked older women, we fell in love with each other. After we broke up, we both fell in love with people our age, but again, not because of age. It sounds like the men your meeting like younger women for reasons beyond what's still firm and perky. 1) For both sexes, a much younger lover makes us feel younger ourselves. 2) Younger people, however intelligent, have not had the life experience to gain the wisdom to see red flags in a personality. In simpler terms, they won't call them out on their crap. They're more easily impressed and inclined to believe whatever they're told. I know a 37 year old woman who has always dated much less intelligent men. Now she's seeing a 25 year old. They're just easier. As to you personally, I know a lot of people condemn dating sites. But I think they're very efficient. You tell who you are and what you want and weed out all the deal breakers without a lot of bad dates. They are not just for the desperate. My sister, a very attractive attorney, met her husband that way. But, whether you choose to go that way or not, a 60 year old looking for a woman under 40 is a HUGE red flag and you're lucky to have avoided a relationship with these shallow, superficial men who probably have even more personality flaws to hide. One last thing. My daddy always told me love happens when we're not looking for it. That's been my experience. So, you might want to take a break from dating and concentrate on your own interests. Like I just told someone looking for friends, follow your bliss and the right kind of people will be there. And build your self esteem. Nothing is sexier than confidence!

[thefooloftheyear]

How would you be able to tell if a woman has had kids or not just by looking at them? Wouldn't you have made up your mind whether you find her attractive before you even speak? Not all women who have never married have struggled to keep guys around. Believe it or not some women are extremely attractive but have decided they don't want marriage or kids. They look fertile, are fertile but don't want children. Men still want them.

 

I don't know about you, but out of 100 women I find attractive, only a small percent would survive the cut...That's where the "mind is made up"

 

Nowhere did I say all of anything, anyway, but yeah, my theory still stands...A lot of women that were never moms will struggle more than those that haven't had that life experience.,,<And it's not about what they look like, but more in how they carry themselves....….in....my …..experience...…..

 

TFY

[BaileyB]

40+ ladies, if they are still single, have likely been through the wringer. They've been lied to, cheated on, they've cheated, they've lied, they've been there and done that. Problem is, all those experiences change a person, and usually for the worse. A 40+-year-old woman has probably picked up a ton of baggage, physical and emotional. Their looks have taken a serious hit, their zest for life and enthusiasm is not what it used to be. They have been around the block sexually and often have quite the past following them around. They know what they want, are often much more picky about this, and are not open to anything else.

 

I don’t even want to spend any time discussing the number of generalizations made in this post - most of them increadibly negative and none of which would have been correct for me.

 

I once went on a date with a man who espoused a similar theory - he didn’t get a second date. Perhaps, that’s because I was old enough (in my early thirties) to know what I want - and a man with this kind of attitude about women wasn’t it!

 

Reading this discussion has been more than a little disheartening. Thank goodness my guy has disproved what has been the consensus in this discussion... I’m even more appreciative of him today...

[chillii]

l'd say with men and as with women too actually, it's not so much an age thing , although us guys do hopefully drop a lot of bs and tail chasing as we get older and hopefully come to our senses a little bit, so that all does help too.

But views and ideals are more about and from the core person and l've noticed certain people have basically always been that way.

But , some learn older or mature too , like some single older guys l know . They aren't interested in chasing tail or women in general anymore , couldn't care less about most of them, they've literally had enough of them in general and seen too much to care anymore. But l know from being with them and knowing them, most of them would still be open to someone worthwhile , long term , they were really into , that special someone , if she was to come along. There are a couple l can think of though where it'd just be no way , they like living their life their way and literally just do not want a woman. The two l'm thinking of have also just seen too much to and seen friends, women and miserable marriages turn to shyt just too many times.

Edited April 7, 2019 by chillii

[Fair]

I stopped reading the replies about a page and half back. I got up this morning and thought of having posed this question and realized I don't really care that much what people think of women over 40. I'm still young, look young, feel young and am attractive. That's all that counts. I'm just going to enjoy life and not worry about those few bitter older men who think they can do better. I can do better, too.

 

Thanks for the replies, folks.

[salparadise]

Honest because honesty was asked for...

 

Many of them are horrible because they haven't realised they've hit the wall and have less to offer than they ever have in life. Many act like they're hot as they were 15 years ago and expect to be treated as such.

 

...but as dating prospects - never met one I didn't see wearing a backpack full of red flags.

 

This one cracked me up. I was thinking how I could get the same idea across without being quite so brutally honest. Since the cat is out of the bag now I'll speak more freely. ...and yes, OP, your response did confirm what he posited.

 

I'm 60ish, divorced nearly ten years, and in that time I've dated women from age 20 to 62.. except 40s. Yup, zero in their 40s. Is it me culling them? Nope. Oops, there was one who was 45. She was so busy that I had to wait 2-3 weeks to schedule dates, so I quit calling.

 

There is something about that decade that makes women take it all ver seriously though. I think perhaps they're optimizing and feeling kind of desperate to snag a trophy before the clock runs out. I think they perceive age 50 as being a tipping point, and I supposed there is a legitimate reason.

 

When I've dated women in their 20s and 30s we just had a good time, no worries. They were into the novelty of an older man, and I was fine with it. I've had serious relationships with women in their 50s, and they're generally pretty laid back too. There is a maturing that occurs at some point between 39 and 50 where women get over themselves, learn to chill, enjoy the here and now, and age (mine nor theirs) is no longer at the forefront of their consciousness.

 

I sort of equate women in their 40s with people in rubber boots desperately filling sandbags ahead of a hurricane that's tracking toward them... as if each and every bag is going to make all the difference. When they get into their 50s, as my previous gf once said, too much stress and I'm all out of phukks.

Edited April 8, 2019 by salparadise

[stillafool]

I hesitated to enter the fray here but may as well add my 2 cents. I think everyone has their pros and cons. I'll compare 40+ to younger ladies.

 

40+ ladies, if they are still single, have likely been through the wringer. They've been lied to, cheated on, they've cheated, they've lied, they've been there and done that. Problem is, all those experiences change a person, and usually for the worse. A 40+-year-old woman has probably picked up a ton of baggage, physical and emotional. Their looks have taken a serious hit, their zest for life and enthusiasm is not what it used to be. They have been around the block sexually and often have quite the past following them around. They know what they want, are often much more picky about this, and are not open to anything else.

 

Younger ladies look better. Much better. They tend to be more open-minded and more of a pleasure to be around. They haven't spent as much time on this rock, so they haven't been around the block as much sexually, so to speak. These features alone comprise of what many if not most men are seeking the most in a woman. A pretty girl that is a pleasure to be around, period. Younger girls have that.

 

.

 

Sorry but everything you wrote above also applies to middle aged men. Some are so bitter from being cheating on by ex wives and gfs it's ridiculous. They trust no one. Sex is better with younger men, they look better, are far easier to get along with because they don't have the baggage that middle aged men carry around. It isn't rocket science that younger people are more appealing in terms of looks than older people. Both men and women.

[BaileyB]

I stopped reading the replies about a page and half back. I got up this morning and thought of having posed this question and realized I don't really care that much what people think of women over 40. I'm still young, look young, feel young and am attractive. That's all that counts. I'm just going to enjoy life and not worry about those few bitter older men who think they can do better. I can do better, too.

 

Amen. That is a good attitude to have Fair.

[loversquarrel]

Sorry but everything you wrote above also applies to middle aged men. Some are so bitter from being cheating on by ex wives and gfs it's ridiculous. They trust no one. Sex is better with younger men, they look better, are far easier to get along with because they don't have the baggage that middle aged men carry around. It isn't rocket science that younger people are more appealing in terms of looks than older people. Both men and women.

 

The difference being their are far more younger women that stay with older men than their are younger men staying with older women. I'm sorry so many older women are disjointed about this, it's just how it is lol.

[Sunlight72]

I haven't read the replies, but just responding to the original question...

 

What do I think of a woman in her 40's who hasn't been married & doesn't have children?

 

I think by her age she would likely;

 

- have interesting stories to tell, from her myriad relationships (familial, professional, friendships, neighbors, co-volunteers, romantic relationships, etc.), and life experiences.

 

- understand and be more gracious with other people's mistakes and motivations than a younger person would.

 

- not be too hot-headed because she has the perspective of life experience to know that she can walk away from truly unpleasant people, and the rest of the people she'll meet are who they are and only she suffers if she feels upset by them.

 

- be fairly comfortable with herself, having by now chosen her top few preferences & priorities in life. More or less know what she wants in life (people in their 20's & often in their 30's don't yet know, so are more likely to flit from place to place, or job to job, or relationship with one kind of partner to a relationship with a very different kind of partner because they just don't know until they try many things what will appeal to them).

 

- be more content staying at home or visiting at friends' homes more often than going out club hopping at night. When she does go out, it is more likely with a specific plan (a particular show, bar, etc.), instead of just going 'out' and floating from club to bar to party until who knows how early in the morning.

 

- to be in a stable living situation. She can predictably pay her living expenses, and lives in the style she would like (doesn't so much matter what that income / expense level is, but just that she has found a reliable way to earn enough to live how she is comfortable, and is more or less satisfied with her home / living arrangement).

 

Things I would expect to be roughly similar in intensity to a younger person;

 

- if they're a drunk, they're a drunk. Only difference with age may be if she has recognized her alcoholism and sobered up. But if she's sloshing through life at any age, one must just accept that is who she is and not hope for better.

 

- if she sees sex as enjoyable, then she does. If she sees sex as scary/rude, then she does. The difference I might expect is that a woman in her 40's should know how things work well for both her and how to find out quickly (and enjoyably) for her man, whereas a woman in her younger 20's I would not expect to speak up or be so comfortable asking questions and initiating sex.

 

- Honestly, if she hasn't been married, I would think she is more socially aware and intelligent than I am. I'm 47 and I've been married and divorced twice, which I am somewhat ashamed of. I would also not think she has a goal of being married. I wouldn't feel compelled to consider marriage with her as much as, say, a divorced mother who I would expect to be more likely to be seeking a replacement husband and father.

[snowcones]

I hesitated to enter the fray here but may as well add my 2 cents. I think everyone has their pros and cons. I'll compare 40+ to younger ladies.

 

40+ ladies, if they are still single, have likely been through the wringer. They've been lied to, cheated on, they've cheated, they've lied, they've been there and done that. Problem is, all those experiences change a person, and usually for the worse. A 40+-year-old woman has probably picked up a ton of baggage, physical and emotional. Their looks have taken a serious hit, their zest for life and enthusiasm is not what it used to be. They have been around the block sexually and often have quite the past following them around. They know what they want, are often much more picky about this, and are not open to anything else.

 

Younger ladies look better. Much better. They tend to be more open-minded and more of a pleasure to be around. They haven't spent as much time on this rock, so they haven't been around the block as much sexually, so to speak. These features alone comprise of what many if not most men are seeking the most in a woman. A pretty girl that is a pleasure to be around, period. Younger girls have that.

 

I am a 40 year old guy. I know it sounds bad for older ladies based on what I said above but that isn't everything. As a 40 year old guy, there are things that my generation experienced that these younger girls just don't understand. A girl my age knows. We share a bond from being born around the same time. A girl my age, from my area, we can talk about the movie theater that was shut down years ago, or how things were back when we were in high school. We just share a lot of things that a guy my age would not share with a younger girl. Even though that younger girl might be hot, there is a disconnect there, or at least I feel that way. That younger girl likely has kids. Young kids. And young kids make relationships a serious trial, especially when those kids aren't your own. While I might admire the beauty and zest for life a younger lady has, I always end up with a girl my own age, which now, is 40 or so. For me at least, there is just something special about our generation. We share a lot of things and I like sharing those things with someone I am gonna be with for a real length of time.

 

 

This post is spot on.... and it applies to both genders.

 

 

I think younger men are much hotter and much more pleasant to be around, but then there is this disconnect we have,and it's huge, which makes the older men seem more attractive. It is quite the conundrum.

[emeraldgreen]

I'm just going to enjoy life and not worry about those few bitter older men who think they can do better.

 

It's not thinking you can do better if you can do better. Don't begrudge someone dating up if they can pull it off. There's plenty of time to slum it with a angry old woman. The moment I think I have to settle for someone with your sense of entitlement and bitterness, that's when I get out of the game for good.

[TheFinalWord]

I'm curious what men in general really think of women in their mid 40's... especially if they've never been married because I think there's still a stigma about that.

 

There's a stigma because men know that when she was in her prime looks-wise, she had multiple men to pick from. During her prime, she probably went on more dates in a month, than most men will go on in their lifetime. None of those men were good enough. Why? Guys that didn't marry young, it is more likely because he had limited options/limited access to women. Men have a wide-variety of tastes and will often settle, if they think they will have access to sex. It's why you can find all kinds of different sex fetish porn sites that cater to men, whereas there aren't any rubenesque men porn sites for women.

 

If you look at this graph, men ranging from 20-50 found women 20-24 to be their preferred age for physical attraction.

 

Granted, not all older men can date younger women. But if they made something out of themselves, which takes men until around age 36, and have stayed in good shape (much easier due to all the info available these days), he can generally date younger women. Why wouldn't he?

Edited April 8, 2019 by TheFinalWord

[shydad]

Reading this discussion has been more than a little disheartening. Thank goodness my guy has disproved what has been the consensus in this discussion.

I don't agree that there is consensus.

[guest569]

I don't agree that there is consensus.

 

There is a shocking volume of sexist and ageist hatred and I only hope it is disproportionate to the real world. Shallow and uneducated generalisations left, right and centre. Hilarious illogical arguments about women who haven't had children are cold and stupid, but those that have let themselves go as they have the gall to have children and maintain a career so they don't spend their later years in poverty, when they should be at the gym making themselves LOOK good, what they are put on this earth to do.

 

I stopped reading the replies about a page and half back. I got up this morning and thought of having posed this question and realized I don't really care that much what people think of women over 40. I'm still young, look young, feel young and am attractive. That's all that counts. I'm just going to enjoy life and not worry about those few bitter older men who think they can do better. I can do better, too.

 

Thanks for the replies, folks.

 

Good!! It IS what counts.. be happy in your own skin. I know there are tonnes of guys out there who don't care about your age, and they're the ones that count. Cause they're not counting!

[SolG]

I stopped reading the replies about a page and half back. I got up this morning and thought of having posed this question and realized I don't really care that much what people think of women over 40. I'm still young, look young, feel young and am attractive. That's all that counts. I'm just going to enjoy life and not worry about those few bitter older men who think they can do better. I can do better, too.

 

Thanks for the replies, folks.

 

Fair, I'm so glad you've come to this conclusion. I'm 50... (albeit divorced with a grown daughter) and I'm firmly of the belief that life is for living. Not partner hunting. If you find a partner, so be it. If you don't... What? Life is going to end? No, it's not. Unless you choose to make having a partner a defining feature, having a partner or not does not define you.

 

You can choose to make it a miserable life lacking in... whatever... or revel in the everything else that it does not lack. Which can be work, family, friends, dating and all the fun that all of that can entail. Particularly intertwined. Make your life enhanced by all the amazing things you have, not defined by its supposed deficiencies.

 

Each new person you meet a mystery, each mystery an adventure. And those who are life's constants a pleasure you get to experience everyday.

 

Live your best life. Have fun and fulfilling experiences on your journey. Maybe you'll find a life partner, maybe you won't. But regardless, make your life as amazing as you want it to be. Your choice.

 

Don't begrudge 'bitter old men' - they just want what they want and feel frustrated. Be empathetic. Be kind.

[HeruLove19]

I am Forty Five, I doubt I could find a women younger than 40 that I could relate to. Broad stroke generalisation I know. Its that relating bit that is so crucial.

 

+ Women 40 + are meant to be in peak maturity in all sorts of ways. A confident women who know and appreciates her self is comfortable in her skin is a beautiful thing to behold.